₦airaland Forum

21. NOW READ THESE GOLDEN RULES AGAIN AND SLOWLY FOR BETTER UNDERSTANDING, AND BE READY TO APPPLY THEM ON DAILY BASIS.







I love these golden rules!

Is virgin now a title?

Other things that i remember now that females should not do for love are........



Never despise your parents because of a man. Some women have done this, when either their mum or dad disagree over the guy they're falling in love with, instead of them to be patient and resolve the issue amicably with their parent, they resort to fleeing away with the guy and despise their parents, forgetting that things may turn around, where will they then run to for refuge. And this is one of the reasons these women stays, even when they're being brutally abused.

Never discuss whatever your husband provides for you with a friend, some women are fond of this, chochochochocho, they can't keep quiet, they narrate everything that happens in their marriage to their friends........e.g....my husband just bought this golden wrist watch for me, he promised me hoiday in dubai next week, he will buy me an SUV for my birthday, bla bla bla......

@op, thanks.
Love the points, but that last point though. It doesn't really sound so awkward for a wife to find a solution to financial scuffle in the family if she has the wherewithal. In some marriages, the wives are more vocal, more influential and more vibrant. In that sense, the wife might be the Moses of that family from financial troubles. So, i see it as both parties' duty to fight against financial problems in the family, and not only the husband's duty alone.
Thanks.

freecocoa:
Lol, this has nothing to do with being enemies of women or whatnot.

It's very one sided to condemn physical abuse and ignore verbal abuse , verbal abuse is very bad just like physical abuse and the truth of the matter is, is that, anyone who is verbally abusive possess traits of being physically abusive.

People who leave their mouths running like taps, always look for other ways to hurt or try to win you even if you match them words for words, and the next thing on their list is to hit you or start destroying properties, some when you even ignore them, go as far as poking you, to make sure you know they are actually referring to you.

I'm sorry but it's very myopic to think that, anyone who has no issues insulting his/her spouse like no tomorrow will have issues hitting them.

God bless you jare.

And some people who will not want to resort to responding to the verbal abuse, and yet could not stomach the insults, because it's beyond their elasticity limits becomes suicidal.
Is that what should be overlooked.
I fight against physical and verbal abuse equally and with the same strenght, except one want to be hypocritical.

babyosisi:
Why would a quarter of nigerian women think physical abuse is ok?
The mindset is rife on this thread sadly
When a woman believes her man can hit her,there is a fundamental flaw in her upbringing

babyosisi........i know you're going to bounce on me for this, but you know me now, i won't reply you, because i know that truth is bitter.
Don't be one-sided, physical abuse is bad, no normal person should encourage it, so as verbal abuse too, it's as well very bad, it shouldn't be encouraged too...........but i know that you won't see anything bad about it because you're a professional in that aspect, you can verbally finish a person, you throw insults around like gifts, you are good, infact, very good at tongue-lashing people, especially those who do not share the same opinion with you..
Don't see me as a foe, i'm just saying the obvious truth, i know it's bitter, but swallow it....lol

freecocoa:
I will keep saying it.

If a woman hits first then she invited whatever she gets, the judge doesn't care who hit harder, he just wants to know who started it.

The issue of domestic abuse is not as one sided and simple as people make it out to be, I have grown enough to realize this, let us face facts please.

thank you o.
The same thing you typed here is what i also typed up there and the op asked me to face the topic as if my post was off-topic.

Honestly, ok, let me not talk, before they start misinterpreting me and saying women are the enemies of their fellow women.

No man has the right to lay his hands on his wife, the same way no woman has the right to tongue-lash her husband.
In marriage, there's suppose to be mutual respect. Not that a party will want to be respected by the other party while constantly disrespecting that other party. We are all human and this issue shouldn't be one sided. No one should put the other person to the wall in marriage and even every other relationship.





#dountootherswhatyouwantthemdountoyou

She deserve the honour/award!

One more thing, married men, leave the single girls alone, spend the money you're spending on those girls on your wife and see, if you will not see changes.
Initiate the kind of play you do with your wives, and see if she won't reciprocate.

Tolerate your wives the way you pampers those girls and see if she won't satisfy you.




One more question, what do we call a man who has a very beautiful wife at home but decides to flirt with almost a beast.....what is his problem
Blindness
Covetousness
Jazz
What exactly

And i would have loved to read from the married men too.



Anyway, some hidden truths are actually therein but as per the married women not maintaining their figure eight stature after popping out kids being one of the reasons for wandering diccks, can the same also apply with men who become pot-bellied after few years of marrige being cheated on.



Anyway, let's always do the right thing and be the right person as well as always do unto others what you want them do unto you and abstain from excuses.



Marriage..............ish.

It's just coincidence!


I don't know why Africans like to link everything, especially death to supernatural.



I know i'm going to be attacked by religious fanatics, but mehn, even if the wedding was low-keyed, the person who is destined to die will still die.

@ op, you said 2nd day, right? no problem, even without using anything, by the 3rd day,you'll start feeling relieved.

Sorry, one of the prices of motherhood.
My regards to your baby.

Penssuwa:
I wanted to say something very stupid but for the sake of sanity, let me keep quiet.

Better!
Thanks.

Once your baby wakes up energetic and happy,as well as having atleast 10hours sleep, there is no cause for alarm.

Lol..........
Just this afternoon, I fell into the wallet mistake. I purchased something I actually doesn't need just because I was having and carrying a lot of cash with me. Right now,I feel like flogging myself for such an expensive mistake of mine.

Good morning house, I just noticed that chaircover has deactivated her account. Please, I'm worried, what happened? For those who have her contacts, please let us contact her to verify her well being. Thanks.
May God be with us all
Amen.

@op, i'm sure this isn't in Nigeria, but we also need it seriously i Nigeria too.

taryour:
I really don't know why this thread is so difficult to comprehend to some folks here o. The logic is simple. " If you can not marry a man loving his mother the same way you love your own mother then please DO NOT marry the man "

Afterall its not like we all grew up without having quarrels and arguments with our own mothers even our grandmothers. We all has mothers will also become mother inlaws one day.

You should learn to tolerate things once you are married cause a whole lot will come your way, however you handle determines your happiness and rest of mind.


Even in worse scenarios there are still more sensible and matured ways to iron things out,rather than telling a man to choose between his mother and his wife. Its never possible cause he would choose his mother and this will just hurt the wife more so what's the point.

Its so so dis respecting, that's the height of F00lishness. No matter how frustrating she is,she isn't going to leave with you forever na just hold on for that short while and learn to love her the way she is.

Thank you my sister.
You couldn't have said it better.
Like Toonoisy has been asking on this thread......why is it only the husband's mother that is always troublesome, why not wife's mothers.
Anyone that can not tolerate his MILs like their mothers should please not get married to the man. Simple.

Acidosis:
omg see epistles

Lol........
where are the epistles?

Okay!

Ewuro4:
Well said Greatgod2012, You couldn't have said it any better, more wisdom.

Thanks!

Shollypopzz:
@babyosisi: I couldn't agree more. I felt the op denied us of some very important info, like what led to the ultimatum.

I do not support ultimatums because they are manipulative and downright narcissistic in my opinion, but in most cases, the person giving the ultimatum does so out of frustration.

Thank God i was able to resolve the issue, i followed her to the house and met the man, the man narrated his side, and he said what normally causes the rancor is that each time he buys something for his mother, the wife usually complain that he takes care of his mother more than her. For example, the last one that involved me was, they all had a family owanbe, the man said he could only afford a particular amount that the wife should assist with certain amount. And after the wife calculated everything, she concluded that her hubby wanted to sylishly demand for the money of her own asoebi, which she regarded as cheating on her own part, that the man is buying for all others except her own, which led to serious conflict to the extent the wife was telling the hubby to choose between her and his mother.
That same place, i pointed the man's fault, as well as the wife's fault. But one on one, i made her realise that asking a man to choose between you and his mother will surely lead to this type of things. There are more matured, wiser and better ways of handling issues.
It is well.






CC
babyosisi
beetle
ladygogo

babyosisi:
The bible says a man shall leave his mother and father and cleave to his wife
When a many has allowed his mother to cleave ,and the wife is finding a space,katakata will burst

Leave the house and show that you're now a grown up man.
Leave, not abandon, not reject, not disobey, not dislike, not hate.
And remember, the same bible also says......."obey your mother and father in all things, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God has given you".
And this is the only command with promise o.

babyosisi:
I doubt if any woman speaks those words lightly
It is normally spoken out of frustration when a man has turned a blind eye while his mother encroached into a territory that belongs to the wife.Human are territorial beings.
What many men don't understand is that the wife and the mother are two people that love him and he must actively keep their roles separate.
Go to my marital advise thread,I wrote of my first experiences with my MIL in those early years .
I had a time I had to ask my own husband to choose between his mom and I because despite his best efforts I found myself on one side fighting mother and son for no fault if mine.
You have a great MIL so you don't get it,some don't and some didn't start off the way yours did
Some had to " kill their MIL with love" to get goodness out of them
Some had to bite their tongues to a whole of stuff to maintain a workable relationship

The mothers role is totally separate from the wife's and it is up to the husband to make that distinction clear if his mother doesn't understand that and help not to stretch his wife to her limits.I have already written that most MIL do this out of the love for their sons and wanting the best for him but hurt the DIL and sometimes deliberately in that process.
It is Ok to make blanket statements of dos and donts but unless you have been faced with a situation yourself,you have no clue what the other person has been through.

I respect your opinion.
That being said, asking a man to choose between you and his mother is even disrespectful to the man, IMO. I would rather tell him to help me talk to his mother rather than telling him to choose whom he prefers between us. My personal opinion, please.

TooNoisy:
Forsaking all others mean you should not cheat on your spouse. It does not mean you should throw your family away.

Thank you!
I support this your translation 100%.



See people translating the scripture to what suits them..........
I no fit laugh, abeg.

chisom101:
Some mother in laws are just trouble some,and soo bitter I don't know why . my ex mother bath me with hot soup b/c there is no salt in her soup,even flog me .

eeya, sorry.
I'm not judging you neither am i condemning you, and that God it's now ex, but i'm sure that you must have seen the red-light that the woman didn't like you before you married her son.

Personally, i have this belief that once a lady is totally and completely rejected in a man's family from the very beginning, the lady does not need to marry the man, because, in this africa, it's almost impossible to marry your man ALONE.
Abeg, that's my personal opinion o, let nobody crucify me.

crackhaus:
Lmao. . . I'm sorry I just have to say this, but I have always wondered why a good number of women believe that because they're having sex with you, they should automatically become more important than your mother when it comes down to picking a side.

It's suicide mission putting a man on that spot - the only way I'll choose any woman over my mother is if I've always had a bad relationship with my mom or I just want to make this woman momentarily happy to avoid more talk.

As a matter of fact, I don't even expect a woman with a really good heart to be happy and comfortable that her man always chooses her over his own mother.

Lmao...
Some women are actually comfortable with it, and some even wish their MIL dead before even marry their husbands, and i always wonder if they'll like to reap what they've in the future.

Khabuqi:
What about the part of the marriage vows, "forsaking all others", meaning you put your spouse above anyone else, including family members when it comes to supporting them.

forsaking all others
Including one's mother
You got to be kidding me, right?
Well, it's your opinion and i respect it.

slimyem:
I find it difficult to believe any woman with a little bit of education and some cognition in this time would bargain with such lines still-a line that is sure to fail over and over .I'm only familiar with the lines from my day of Nollywooding.



The place of a mother and wife in a man's life are different. There isn't and should never be a need for competition or comparisons. It is the most basic thing any woman about to be married should know.

my sister, some women do it, infact, some say it directly to the man's face that, "if you truly love me, then, you shouldn't have anything to do with that evil woman you called your mother". And yes, more common with the educated ones. And yes, the way you're surprised is the way i'm also surprised.
It is well!

menix:
@ OP...

May ur dayz b long..
U re a real woman, confirm african woman no b shere shere...


waiting for our end time gals comment too...

thanks.
I'm proud to be an African woman.

Lol @ end time girls.

TooNoisy:
Let's just look at the reality. If your mother were treated the same way by your brother's wife, will you be happy? If you brother's wife keeps telling your brother to choose between her and your mother, will you say advice him to choose his wife? Such a foolish question I must say.

The husband's mother also has daughters who are also married. How come mama is only bad in her son's house but wonderful in her daughter's house? Is it not the same woman? Her own married daughters would always welcome her in their house but her daughters-in-law don't want to see her.

All I can say is treat your mother in law the way you will treat your mother.

God bless you for this. Amen.