₦airaland Forum

May all those who have gathered and resolved to exterminate me and my household have a painful taste of death. All the secret meetings all the cruel plans...God is great! Hellfire time never reach some ppl done dey burn from earth. I'm sorry I cannot tell you to rest in peace. I wish I could see the fears in your eyes, the horror in your face, the shock in your spine, I wish all other officers who had plans of extermination were with you.
Men rise and fall like the winter wheat. Today you will feast with the Pigs.

Bola146:
Not at all, you can't cheat on someone you love. The love and trust will always make you happy to always be with your spouse. Anyone who cheat doesn't love the spouse

that is untrue. Men have sex without emotions.

Kondomatic:
Dude, how can a man who claims to love his wife do things that will hurt her if she finds out?

A man can leave home without harbouring any thought of cheating. He may not even have a side chick but along his way to to work, he may come across a good barca and the rest is history. He loves his wife.

starbuck:
I hardly engage in long discussions..

I will tell you 'Fine' and waka



I can remember someone asking me about my late mom because he wasn't aware that she was late, responded 'She is fine' and went about my business..

He later found out about it and was angry with me, I no even look his face

where is the sense in what you did?

musicproducer:
why, cause truth is spoken here.

don't except an okay all the time.

I wasn't expecting an " okay" what is up there is detailed enough for an 18yr old to understand.

;

Jenny1010:
More reason why so many guys are locked up inside bottle

Yusufisraelj:
When someone is trying to upgrade you to a level where your own income cannot sustain that spending, jejely come to your level, especially in relationships where nothing is guaranteed.

As the guy left how did she faired? Some people just like the fake life to show that things are working. She never grew to the level where the guy was pushing her into, equally the guy wasn't willing to allow her grow into those levels, it was largely a transactional relationship. From OPs story her life went from first class to economy within a short period, what does that say?

I'm I saying guys shouldn't spend on their ladies? No, no sane man will over spend on his lady even if he is well to do, they want such ladies to be able to manage their wealth someday, so they allow them grow into taking certain responsibilities.

It was obvious the wealth wasn't largely the guys own hence the heavy spending without proper foresight to groom the lady for management of large sums. Bkos it has shown that his decision can be largely influenced against his will and choice and the lady couldn't keep up with the new standard.




Like seriously?

Good job.

aroundtheearth:
Relationship or marriage, it's always a good idea for a woman to have her own money/income, without depending solely on a man. You don't know the future and need to have your own cheddah.

The lady in the story had a job and was earning. However she quickly lost touch with reality and that is the message I wanted to pass across

havilla:
What are ladies exactly to learn from this story? It's clear to see that the op had a problem with the way his friend was spending on that girl and opened this thread to mock the poor girl. Get a life pls and leave young ladies alone.

There is a lot to learn from. The rest of your assertions aren't worth commenting on

musicproducer:
sorry bro, u just told a story nothing here to pick advice from

You need to sharpen your comprehension skills

HRSweetness:
OP, could you kindly clarify, what is the correlation between your advice and the story you shared?

I believe it is right in front of you.

I have this piece of advice to share with young ladies. Never forget where you are coming from and do not over estimate your self worth. Just because someone from the office is giving you a lift home or someone from the office is footing your expensive lunch bill then you begin to think that is reality and your boyfriend should keep up with the standard.

A close friend travelled to east for an assignment and he met this beautiful lady ( I love pretty ladies too). Let me cut to the chase, they started dating. A couple of times, my friend invited her to my apartment and we will have dinner together (my wife inclusive).

My friend being a spendthrift, takes overtly good care of this lady. Flight to and fro from Lagos. Expensive gifts and all. The lady works in a MFB in the east and she is from a humble home (according to what I saw when my friend and I visited).

I once teased her that it is economical for her to board a bus back to east since she is on leave and will not resume work the next day. She said NO that bus is quite stressful, the number of hours on the road and she may develop a headache. (See pako oo?...I just concurred...)
The thing is, good life is good. Only that ensure you are making your own money so that you don't have a big fall. This lady resigned/got fired from her job board a flight to Lagos and got an apartment all expense paid by the boyfriend.

Unfortunately my friend's parent did not approve of the lady. There was a bit of drama but He succumbed; cos his family was his source of wealth. He has relocated abroad after the whole issue.

I saw this lady few days ago at a popular market close to the estate where I reside She has a store where she sell stuffs but she has changed.

Finally I will advise my daughter to take this advice: Attain a standard yourself before you set that standard for your partner.

sonnie10:
Good development. its long over due.

Check Alibaba, almost all the confirmed sellers have their cement for $60 ( 29,000 naira) per ton (20 of 50kg bag) . So a bag is about #1450 (naira). The difference is too much!

If the manufacturers do not want to comply, the senate should just lift ban on importation. After all, the tax from all the manufacturer is nothing compared with import duty. Even the employment opportunities they provide could be compensated through creation of more construction work as a result of reduced cement price.

it will put more pressure on FX. We will need the dollars we don't have to import the cement. hence the price can jump to 5k

Sterope:
Lmao. Now you are just being silly. Who knew relationship was this simple, 2 + 2 and that's it. A relationship you weren't involved in, so much reflective insight. I hope you have started making money from this gift.

OK, kindly edit the "silly" in your quote. I will appreciate if you ignore my quote/post henceforth.

Sterope:
How do you know Meghan is manipulative? Was she your ex or what?

...Of course not. I knew her first marriage with Trevor. Why did she divorce Engelson? Trevor never cheated, abused or bullied her. Do couples have misunderstandings sometimes? Yes they do but they try and work things out. Trevor couldn't handle it when Meghan sent back his ring via post. She was never reflective about her union. A guy you have dated for six years and married for over two years. Meghan is that lady that wants "Me first" all the time. I know manipulative people when I see one. First they claim to be the victim.

bunto:
I pity anyone that marries/ married you.
They are on for a long thing.
No wonder Igbos minimize their wife and children to the extent that when they die (prematurely), their extended family inherit their wealth and properties and leave their wife and children hanging dry.
Yet they don't learn.

Firstly I am married and we are both on vacation, having a really good time of our lives. I am family centric. My wife is the first and most important member of my family. My family begins with me. For the Igbo part I sincerely do not know what you are talking about.

Boss469:
Hater...

Lover!

Tap0lane:
You Igbos think you are wise but many of you a ridiculously foolish. If Meghan will leave Harry can you bigoted igbtoc father bet his miserable life that Peter's will leave him some day before you perish from your foolishness ? Isn't that what you should talk about instead of evading n accepting the bigot filled, miserable tribe you are from.

Listen boy, do not bark at me. I never quoted you. I was having a convo with someone else. You are excused.

Monogamy:
But what if the Family codes is not favouring one of the family members, I see no reason why they can't walk out

Family is exaggerated

"Those whose kolanuts were cracked by a benevolent spirit should not forget to be humble "-At what point is the code not favourable? When you now live in luxury apartment, drive luxurious cars? When you start counting hundreds of millions? or when you beg for your next meal? Family can be a curse or a blessing. If it blesses you cherish it. If it curses you, liberate it. Family is never overrated.

Monogamy:
Are some families not manipulative as well?

Same family that won't be no where to found when one is in trouble..

Except if you guys know better than Peter

Families have rules and codes that keeps them, binds them, prospers or tortures them. A woman is supposed to continue that code. The day she begins to place her interest first, she should be treated as a rebel

Monogamy:
You are really funny oo..

What's your definition of dumping her 4 years husband?

Do you expect her to have remained in her previous marriage even if she wasn't happy?

Please tell me what I am not understanding

You are still young, pray you don't marry a manipulative wife. They separate you and destroy you. Mark my words, someday Harry and Meghan are gonna divorce and you will hear another excuse. Finally, happiness is something we can never truly have. Sacrifices and compromise are what keeps a marriage going. People who leave their marriage or isolate their partner from his family only because they are chasing happiness are crafty. "Right to life, right to freedom and in pursuit of happiness".- reflect on the pursuit part

Michelle55:
How do people who vows to take the forever steps together suddenly turns against each other overnight? Just how?

when you start making cool money, life will seem lighter

sapphiere:
Saying I will post my pre-wedding pics soon means I'm depress? And who says feminists don't get married? FYI I'd rather be single than marry from this platform.

To be quite frank, you talk and react too much. From your 55k cream to God will punish all those who have crossed ur path with fake promises to this. You do not need to respond to every irrelevant quote.

Sterope:
All your scenarios do not reflect the reality of Nigerian homes and many homes outside Nigeria. Many homes are too poor to survive on a single income. If women don't spend according to your concocted fact, we should be richer. What else would we do with those extra cash?

Plus when women earn low, it is either because of her family commitment or the society's or biology.

Maybe it is time you ask your mum how often it was her money many times she told you your dad gave her money or your dad sent money to you?

You are intelligent. If I were not married, I could have sent a . You obviously cannot survive on one income. My wife and I usually have series of dialogue for all our expenses per quarter. Q1-Q4. She presents budget on feeding, school fees, rent and car maintenance. I present the budget for the amount to be invested, saved and insured. We work out the math thoroughly. Although she often pads her budget. For a low middle income earner, you live in apartment where you pay 700k as rent plus fees and all, a single income cannot accommodate it. For the submission aspect, I don't even know what that means. We are friends and we help each other.

SSpeter:
This is a real life situation but I will make it as fictional as possible. I might also make it a bit difficult to comprehend because....I choose to.

Mr A was a sales officer quite good and all. So he was recommended for promotion and he got it. Ideally he was supposed to spend 9months on his new grade to be appraised again (mid term appraisal) and another 9months for recommendation. Fortunately, he performed above expectations in the mid term (in fact he had a perfect score) and that qualified him for another promotion and he got it.

Previously his line manager was 2grades above him. His line manager has spent 6years on her current grade without promotion. Mr A's rapid promotion now brought him to the present grade of his line manager.

Line managers >>>>RHs >>>>>CH...in that order. The RH position is not a grade but an office, unlike the LM position that is a grade and an office. (you must be a line manager by grade to be nominated for RH position). Recall, Mr A is not a line manager by office but he and his line manager are at par grade wise.

Also note that Mr A was getting those recommendations because his LM (let's say Ms B) was recommending him based on his performances. Now it is not unusual for you to perform outstandingly and not get promoted. Appraisals are based on attitude, aptitude and performance (Attitude cannot be quantified and to an extent subjective).

Before the lockdown, the regional head vanished (take it like that) and Mr A was appointed RH. Ms B will now report to Mr A. Ms B groomed Mr A and A was under her tutelage for a longtime. Ms B is still a line manager and has other reports like the initial Mr A under her. Sadly they are not performing hence Ms B is not performing cos individual performances makes up Ms B's performance.

Mr A has other LM reporting to him and he has issued Ms B several queries due to PF. During virtual strategy sessions Mr A will criticise Ms B approach and all. Now Mr A has a good heart towards Ms B. ( I know that because I am the one writing). The thing is Mr A is also other pressure to perform and all the LM performances under Mr A makes up Mr A's performance. Mr A is trying to proof he is good for the job.

It now looks like Mr A is ungrateful and wicked. Finally Ms B has spent over 7yrs on her current grade and badly needs a recommendation. The pendulum might not swing in her favour if she doesn't get it. Mr A has other LMs that have performed better and have stayed lesser years
than Ms B on their grade that also need recommendation. Due to budget size and Covid Mr A cannot recommend more than 1 person.

Mr A wants to be a good man....Ms B might be axed if she doesn't move on her grade.

How will you handle this?

complex situation, sentiment aside he should do the needful. Let the highest performer get it. That was how he got it

The juju does not affect them

Kekereekun123:
Your father was a silly man giving birth to 8 kids.

Your father did great by giving birth to a few. We are all happy in the end. That is lovely right?......and if your dad did well you won't call a grandfather "silly"...terrible upbringing!

akaahs:
Please sir when U bring on the game plan, endeavour to quote me, I'm in that category as my wedding comes on in February next year God's willing.

You are already on track. watch your expense and keep your eyes on what matters.

Ayemileto:
Although, I said I won't reply you on this thread again, seeing this, I just felt I should make an additional post.


Like I said in one of my previous post, I doubt the first born, second born or first son in your family will go around advising people to get married in poverty.


Many of this sacrifice you claim to make are possible because you are the last born of the family, and your older siblings already watered the ground for you.

Or whose house would you have been living in with your wife assuming you were the first born?

I'm 100% sure your older siblings, make much more sacrifices - which helped you, the junior siblings.

I'm also quite sure that many (if not all) of your older brothers got married at an age much older than the age you married.

Having 7 senior siblings make things easier for you, but this isn't applicable to everyone.

Apparently, that was why I said I "agreed" with your philosophy. So that we don't argue for too long. Male and Female we all got married before 30. Did my brothers and sisters created a soft landing? Yes they did. But I was already in junior high, hence I attended the same public school they attended. The major difference was I had more disposable income in high school and uni. Things didn't change much. After my IT I could afford to rent a single room and begin my life if I never had a sibling to render support.

Ayemileto:
If you truly agree with me, then you have to revert your main post, and the advice you issued to that guy.

Also, you fail to state the currency that should be invested in hedge fund, is it 5 million Naira, US Dollars, Pound, Euros, Sefa or Zimbabwe dollars?

Also, you might want to read about "Rockefeller family" and how the man who started the dynasty saved a lot of money that will only mature after the death of all his fourth or fifth generation(I don't remember which one exactly), so you may want to tell me to save up for my 10th generation, instead of saving 5 million for my direct descendants alone.


Anyways, thank God you finally agreed, so we can close the curtain on this argument, as this will be my last reply to you on this thread.

But please, don't advise people to be giving birth in poverty o. Nigeria of today is very hard already and it's a very bad advise.

Thank you.

when I say I agree with your philosophy, you seem not to understand what I meant.

gunners160:
Honestly , in as much as I respect individual differences ehn, u really called the wrong shoot.
Yes, a friend of mine got married staying in his parent's self con but I wont be so selfish by making another person inconvenient.

Them no get late comer for marriage and if one has a dream, fulfil it first before any other thing. To you its nothing , but so you care to knw how ur sister feels, how the husband feels, how ur wife feel staying in ur sis BQ?
Things will get Yes, things will also be beta when u are single and chasing ur dreams. U must not bring children out to suffer

You don't get it I was the last born. Living in the BQ was my choice. It was a game plan, a plan well executed. Till date some of my peers are still struggling with ACCA or FRM or CFA . Devaluation has killed the naira. some of them bought cars and lived in 2bedrooms. Today they are ABOs in banking. I am presently on a management grade. It takes sacrifice. Real sacrifice!

gunners160:
Like seriously. I will never get married staying with any sis or Bro.
You earn 185k and yet you and ur wife are staying in your sis BQ , making the husband inconvinent.
I rather drink garri in my own one room Dan depend on anybody

FRM and ACCA was draining my pockets. We both knew things were going to change. It was a sacrifice we both had to make at that time. Risk consulting payed big time afterwards.