₦airaland Forum

srclark:
am not taking sides here i am just suggesting the easy way out of this ,the couple should have jut gotten a bed for the other room, her stay is just temporary it is not a biggie .The wife should know these things happen all the time ,a time will come someone will come through her that needs to stay so she should not lose her marriage over what is not worth it .

Going by the scheme of things, her stay is not temporary bro and the couple both earns salaries that cannot accommodate third parties. No be people wey get money to spare go buy bed? The mother even brought bed after a few days clearly indicating they have come to stay.

About ppl coming to stay when a time comes, my case for instance, I am married since 2018 and my wife and I both agreed that nobody will stay with us for at least 3years.

The person that had stayed longest was her mum for a week when we had our child. Infact, when my wife was pregnant, she’s always naked all throughout our stay at home moving from living room to rooms at will. How can anyone even stay with us in that situation?

People have proposed staying with us from my family and my wife’s family but we declined even though politely and diplomatically. My wife handles responses to her own ppl in this regard, while I handle responses to my own people as well.

If we have our 2nd child and we still have a girl. That will make it 2 girls. Bro, My wife and I are already discussing that nobody will stay with us at all coz I need to protect my girls if u understand what I mean. Life experience taught my wife and I this not our fault.

See this thing na understanding, if husband and wife cannot understand one another they have no business getting married in the first place.

jenifer007:
So what's the situation of your friend now....The man is actually a baby husband....I am sure he never loved her but just wanted to use her financially.The mother-in-law is evil...what do you expect from her since she too has left her husband... She never liked your friend and wanted that marriage to fail.... Any man that can't head his home and take decisions isn't fit to marry.I am a mother and I can never allow my son to love me more than his wife no matter the sacrifice I did...I love my husband so much that I don't think I will have the mindset to start acting as a rival to my son's wife.Any mother that wants to come between her son and his wife is a shameless and selfish mother....What God has joined together let no man put assunder.

I speak to her occasionally to encourage her. You have spoken well, no wonder some people will say that only married people are fit to give marital advice.. Many of this singles just be spewing trash.

I am also married, my wife and I both agreed that nobody will stay with us till we deem fit. The person that had stayed longest was her mum for a week when we had our child.

People have proposed staying with us from my family and my wife’s family but we declined even though politely and diplomatically. My wife handles responses to her own ppl in this regard, while I handle responses to my own people as well.

Infact, if we have our 2nd child and we still have a girl. That will make it 2 girls. My wife and I are already discussed that nobody will stay with us at all coz we need to protect this girls.

Another reason couple might decide against people staying with them can be financial which is evident in this couple case. The reason why only one room has a bed in their house.

Her husband messed everything up. He isn’t fit to marry and never loved her like you rightly said.

SultanOfAbia:
The Bible says obey your father and mother so ye shall live long.

What if you're father is telling you to do something you know is very wrong
Will you obey him or disobey him?

What if your mother supports your father in every negative thing he tells you to do?

Some parents are not wise and are easily manipulated by pastors and imams.

I think you should only Respect your parents if they are WISE

Nigerian parents will tell u to study law because their friend’s child is a lawyer lols�����excuse my laughter.
You need to tell us what area of life their advice is about.

Bilabong:
Guy read the thing well na. She came, not alone but with two other people for over three weeks. U can't even have space in your own home.

Are u minding all ds guys typing rubbish. A man that can not decide whether or not people visit and manage situations like this is not a man. Let alone newly wedded. Weak men everywhere hiding under the guise of I love my mom. Shebi the rest of us hate our moms na. Pure and applied nonsense.

Ijobaorun:
The truth be told, why will a sane man who just got married less than 6 months bring his mother, brother and girlfriend to come and be staying with them?
It's ridiculous. That man is sick upstairs if the story is true.

Sick is an understatement he is mentally derailed. A 36yr old for that matter.

ekaF:
I disagree
When questions are left unasked there is a higher probability of entering into a contract (or relationship in this case) without all the necessary information to make the best decision thereby leaving you at a loss.

You’re entitled to your opinion.
However, asking the girl if she’s cheating sounds desperate and condescending especially that he can’t prove it. People ending chats could mean different things and cheating is one of it no doubt but one still needs to have facts before asking such because they are most definitely gona deny. The guy has to find out himself and prolly delay proposing in the process till he’s sure. That’s the ideal way to go about it.

srclark:
obviously i see it is difficult for you to read and understand easily ,lets put the write up into reality assuming the couple stay in Lagos .And the boys mother stays in ikorodu and the hospital she receives treatment is in yaba and her son stays in yaba also.How easy do you think it will be for the sick mother to come from ikorodu to yaba under this total lockdown situation but it will be easier if she is in yaba .Then for the brother and the girl friend staying it is justified so they can attend to the sick mothers needs .The brother for the physical part of it and the girlfriend for the womanly part washing of the clothes and other female shit .Obviously you have not experienced handling a sick eldrly person .The house is a 3 bedroom for crying out loud so what is bad there (5 people in a 3 bedroom flat for a couple of months)PLEASE YOU DO NOT HAVE TO REPLY

Just to correct you, The mother in-law isn’t bedridden. She only came for a check up and decided to stay permanently. The husband knew this but failed to communicate it to the wife. The couple are still struggling financially to harbor anyone and the wedding is also way too early for anyone to start staying with them. Na common sense bro. When the guy was squatting before marriage why didn’t the mother and the rest move in then. She waited until the wife helped her son in paying half of rent and bought many things herself before coming to scatter their marriage.
No matter how we look at it, the guy simply exposed his wife ,disrespected her, violated her rights and above all never loved her.

MichealKin50:
This is the same girl December last year before proposing to her, I asked her if she has cheated on me before. To get the truth from her, I lied to her that I've cheated on her she also told me she has cheated on me. When I finally told her that I was lying about cheating on her that since we met I've never seen another girl she also told me that she was lying too about cheating on me. When I told her to swear with the Holy Bible she refused to swear. I went ahead and proposed to her on 31st December hoping to marry her before end of this year.

There are questions better left unasked. I think you were wrong to use that tactic to get the truth from her coz she ended up outsmarting you. If a woman is cheating you’ll know, it isn’t rocket science bro. If you haven’t seen any visible traces that she cheats then its better you just ignore and propose. If truly she cheats you’ll catch her just give it time. You don’t need to try too hard to catch her you might make a mess of it that way

MichealKin50:
My Fiancée Does This. What Does It Mean?

Good day all.

The lockdown has brought my fiancée and I more closer. She spends most of her time now in my place than hers. While staying with me, I one day carried her phone to make call I discovered she doesn't put password on her phone.

Just few days ago while she was sleeping, I used her phone to Google something online and something pushed me to open her Facebook app. When I open, I realized she deletes chats after conversation. I was looking for the messages I do sent her on Facebook and could not find any.

I can't figure out what this means.

Because she didn’t password her phone you felt the need to intrude on her privacy. That was wrong bro. However, anybody wey go cheat go cheat if you like monitor her from now till eternity. Enough said. Peace out

Discombulator:
Bro we all know such situation is delicate especially for a nigerian family, since she already knows he is perhaps too close to his mum,she should have threaded carefully and just wait for the matter to die a natural death,5 people in a 3 bedroom flat is still doable.
On the other hand the guy handled the matter like a fool too

5 people in a three bedroom being possible is relative bro. Different strokes for different folks. I think its unfair to generalize that this pattern can work for every family.

From a Nigerian perspective a newly weded like the couple in question honestly do not need any body staying with them if they are to lay solid foundation for a lasting marriage.

I am married since 2018 and my wife and I both agreed that nobody will stay with us for at least 3years. The person that had stayed longest was her mum for a week when we had our child. People have proposed staying with us from my family and my wife’s family but we declined even though politely and diplomatically. My wife handles responses to her own ppl in this regard, while I handle responses to my own people as well.

If we have our 2nd child and we still have a girl. That will make it 2 girls. Bro, My wife and I are already discussing that nobody will stay with us at all coz I need to protect my girls if u understand what I mean. Life experience taught my wife and I this not our fault.

Another reason couple might decide against people staying with them can be financial which is evident in this couple case. The reason why only one room has a bed as stated on my writeup.

There are alot other reasons why ppl can’t allow anyone stay with them if u ask them.

DeBill:
Am not in support of what d man did but I have to say this: wives are so cool and relax when all the members of her own family visit, the man will not be comfortable with it, but will endure it for years sef. Sometimes , the man will be spending extra much cos of her wife family visit but there will be peace.
But whenever the reverse is that case, there will be no peace .
I totally blame the woman for that constant worrying of her husband over the visit. She should have endured cos if it is her family, she will not complain no matter how long.
Check many couples , u will see d wife mother staying wt the couple for years and there will be peace , the man is doing a lot of sacrifice to maintain that peace , but when it is the wife turn , she can not endure more than one month.
OUR WOMEN ARE STH ELSE.

I don’t agree with you. This thing is a joint responsibility. If couple understand one another and discuss about everything they do, there can never be a case of wife’s mother or anyone staying with them unless they agree.
For what exactly? See I’m married and my wife hardly allows her mum come around. Na me sef go dey tell her to free her. What am i saying? As a man your mother inlaw will only stay with you guys if you allow it. Hence, this cannot be a tenable excuse to condemn a lady. Afterall none of the lady in question family member ever visited since they got married. Please lets be guided.

pedrilo:
I will never ever send my wife away for such flimsy reasons.
But relatives shud understand that couples need their space.
Personally, I dont like crowd.

Another person with sense spotted. Thanks for being amongst the few with sense. You see that’s why ladies will say men are scum, dont blame them. the irresponsible and reckless comments from alot of fellow men on here is more than enough to justify this.

Discombulator:
Bro your own is still okay,3 of us shared a single room apartment it was more of a very small studio,so no sitting room or anytime, only one bathroom and toilet in Baton Rouge for 13months,I was the only Male out of us,one nigerian,one American.
We never had a confrontation for the 13months,of course they were annoying sometimes after all they're girls,they chatter, don't clean and talk too much, but I just see them as my siblings and to me it's all love.when I finally moved out to new Orleans this girls would still come and crash at my apartment because that was how great our stay was.
Wife are too intolerant to their husband's families this days and it is very wrong, how can you ask thrice within 2 weeks.

You guys continue to amAze me by not reasoning from a woman’s perspective. Some things for us as men are relatively easier for us to handle. See how you guide this ladies matters alot that’s where our strength should lie as a man not in giving orders and being quick to think a woman should reason like you, its almost impossible.

abdulizom:
Anyway, there's more to this story than..........

One thing is sure for me, there no woman on earth that can be obviously disrespectful to my mother that will be in my house even if my Mom is at fault, never.

My Mum is my world no more no less, and she's very considerate.

No woman on earth command more value than my mother, even my wife knows. She doesn't joke with her, she may pretend about it, but, sure she doesn't cross her boundary

U sound dumb and foolish

klbakare:
Your talk is nonsense. Totally devoid of sense and reasoning.

Did you read where they had only one mattress?
Did you read where the wife was not pre-informed?
Did you read where the wife was sleeping on the floor in the parlour?
Did you read where they were overstaying?
Did you read where a stupid brother brought girlfriend to his married sibling's house and was probably knacking her on their matrimonial bed?
If anybody deserves to sleep on the bed, its the wife and the mother of the husband.

All these witchcraft mothers should desist from ruining their children's marriage. No wonder the boy contributes money with his wife to pay rent. Am sure he didn't tell his family that his wife pays rent with him.

I advice the lady to seek the mind of God concerning the relationship. If she is properly married, divorce is not possible according to christianity. If she is not properly married, she should run as far as her leg can take her from her unfortunate husband.

***hope she is also not a wicked, intolerant and unfortunate wife too because them dey like that vice-versa ?

If she properly married, She should pray to God to restore her marriage while she goes back to her father's/friends/ relative house to put up in the mean time.

At anytime the husband comes for reunion, they should go to the police station to sign an undertaking that he will never abuse his wife again and any harm that comes to her subsequently is from her husband.

She should become a prayer warrior if she will ever continue with that family. Satanic people!

Are u minding all ds people that do not read to understand but instead they read to reply and end up sounding foolish

Kingarthur21:
We know its you and not your friend...

Get a good lawyer, a man has no right to beat you that way and also throw you out of the house.
Don't understand why at the slightest provocation a man chases his wife out of the house. Even if she didn't pay a dime in the rent it is wrong.
If you are tired of the worst of all women you are to file for a divorce.


That is why I wouldn't encourage any lady to contribute to rent because at the slightest of provocation he will bark "get out of my house".

If my wife annoys me I will leave the house for her to be alone,move on with my life and leave her alone in that marriage and house.

Thanks for your contribution. I am a man and I’m married. Also you cannot file for divorce in Nigeria until 2years of staying apart.

stabilizer:
Why not snatch the husband so you can show him how insane you are ?

Don’t be a bastard it’s clearly written all over my profile that I’m male and beside my username u’ll see (m) if you aint blind. I’m also married! So please don’t be dumb.

Vulcan24:
wether they told d story in parts or full.... which Kain mother in law go carry brother n gf join body go visit son!!!!

a married son for that matter

vampaya family

am married and I don't tolerate excessiveness from my mom..... mom's can be over possessive, u av to let her know she's "ur wife not our wife"

Are u minding the blind people asking for full story when they can clearly see RED flags all over the summary i put up there.

stabilizer:
How happy is your family? I pray you are married to strict man Because you need a home that will be like a correctional center. A lots needs to be unscrew from your head and replace with what you actually deserve. You are lagging ma'am

How old are you? U sound like a cradle. On this note I’ll pardon ur foolish comments. Go and sin no more

bizme:
The danger of a single story.
The danger of telling one side of the story.
Obviously you're telling the story in a way that makes your friend the victim. We don't have the details here; let the affected people who have the detail sort it out.

If you are expecting word for word daily activities of people on here you not gona get it. That’s the summary, intelligent ppl will ask questions to clarify their thoughts and share opinion or they keep shut

stabilizer:
Wetin concern you ?

Dem suppose match your mouth with baton. Your write up support more of your friend, which in this case you support her attitude towards her husband and you know it may result to the end of the marriage. I guess you want your friend to loose her home or maybe you are just the stupid jealous realist i've met before ....

How old are you? What do u do for a living?

LordShiva97:
You're misyarning and you're doing it with the confidence of one who's intoxicated on an exotic strain of weed. Are you even sure we read the same post, you probably know more about this issue than the OP revealed to us?

So confronting her husband on the continued stay of the husband's folks in her home which is clearly infuriating her means she's indirectly wishing her mother-in-law death, how?
What's the logic behind this conclusion? :>(

And what's wrong with her asking the same question thrice in two weeks, it's her home for Zeus's sake and she contributed in the rent, it's not as if it's the man's sef
Asking a question thrice within the space of fourteen days in your own house is now a crime that deserves punishment?

If the mother-in-law was only coming for treatment, what's up with bringing the brother and his girlfriend along?

You're trying so hard to excuse the man's folly, but you're failing woefully at it. If you genuinely believe that the lady's is wrong and the man totally absolved of any blame then you have a serious problem.

This is my last reply to you though.

Please stop arguing with ppl whose thoughts are myopic. He clearly didn’t read to understand but read to reply like his fellow foolish people.

Silla007:
Both parties have their faults.

The Man: He didn't respect his wife's privacy.
(B) He was wrong to allow his mother & a girlfriend (not even the wife) of his brother take over their matrimonial bed.
I don't know what the relationship between his mother and his wife is. (Obviously, they are not in good terms from the story told) otherwise, it should have been his wife and his mother that will share the bedroom.
(C) He should have sought his wife opinion regarding access to the kitchen and perhaps reason it out with his wife.
(D) He foolishly allowed his mother to ruin his relationship with his wife.

The Woman: The first thing I will like to ask the woman is; if it were the other way round, how would she handle it. Some women are so intolerant of their mother-in-laws.
(B) After asking her husband twice with no response, she should have dropped the matter. She failed to understand that her husband was already under pressure with a difficult situation he was struggling to manage. The reason why he buckled up after his wife asked the third time.
She should have applied wisdom. But obviously she was more concerned about getting them out than the struggles of her husband who didn't know how to handle the situation. By her actions she just played into her mother-in-law's hand and possibly validated the fact that she didn't love her or welcome her.
(C) She didn't pray...some women would have used prayer power to send them away. Many may not subscribe to this ancient principle. I know it works especially if you do it in love, not praying for their destruction but that God will handle the situation and restore peace to her home.


My thoughts: I pity both of them. they have allowed third parties to destroy their very young marriage.
It is obvious they were not knowledgeable and allowed their emotions to get the best of them.
They don't love themselves that much. If they do, both will conspire against the 'intruders'. Lovers have this way of overcoming everything and everyone to be together. "Dem nor send anybody".

Finally, I just hope the so called girlfriend is not the new wife in a family conspiracy against the wife.

I rest my case.
May God help them.

Silla I doff my cap to you. You addressed this issue without bias and with a sound mind, only matured people are able to pull of this kind of comments. Maturity isn’t shying away from social media like a lot of ppl thinks. Once again i doff my cap to you. #respect.
Like u, I actually faulted her consistent approach and a few things coz it takes two to tangle really. However, when i heard this guy’s side of the story, likewise what u mentioned again, the hubby never loved her, even if love alone isn’t sufficient, it’s absolutely the prerequisite to anything we do in life. The guy wasn’t prepared for marriage and lack the basic skills to handle matters.
Many Thanks for ur contribution. Well appreciated!

[quote author=jumpampass post=89278014]Hello my fellow nairalanders, I will just make this short and simple because time no too dey. I have been dating this girl since the last quarter of 2018 and all was going well. Though it was a long distance relationship but I do travel down to her place to check on her each time we are in need of each other, you know. I bought her gifts and send her some money and airtime of which i can afford. This girl will say she loves me, and even made promises that she will never leave me no matter what!!. Hmmm, my people, I'm so in love with this babe oo. I can't go a day without reaching out to her on phone or send her message. Infact, I can say 2019 was my sweetest year of being in a relationship with someone because I'm so in love with her. I even redeployed to her state of residence so that we can be together and get to know each other better because I have made up my mind that I will marry this babe no matter what.

To cut the long story short, ever since I have redeployed to her state of residence, and told her that I'm around that she can come visit me in my lodge, since that day babe have changed attitude oo. Sometimes I will call her she won't pick and even if she picked na soso cold she go dey sound on top phone. Replying me like say I dey force words out of her mouth. This babe sounds like she wasn't even happy that I relocated just to be with her at all and doesn't even ask about how my affairs has been going, I asked her why is the cold attitude but she won't say it and insisted there is nothing to talk about untill we both meet. So I made an arrangement on how we are gonna meet and discuss the issue on why she's been so like that towards me, but babe will not show up and will find excuse to cancel our meeting date. She hardly stay more than 1 min to talk to me on phone, even doe na my credit I dey use oo. She can go a week without talking to me, or texting. So I decided to lock up and see what happens, can u believe this bae no send me for like one month....she frustrated me well well. But I no fit write all, na him make me decide to write out the most important real happenings.

Fast forward to last month, due to the love I have for this gurl. I still carry my money buy credit call this babe. You can't imagine how this babe dey answer me on phone like I'm a piece of shit. So, I persuaded her to tell me what's my offense and what is making her to ghost me all of a sudden. But she didn't say anything meaningful...so after much persuading, she now said that she enter Alfa and pastor doormot go pray over the relationship between me and her then, the pastor come see vision say we no go last. Mehhen that talk vex me die!, Because how could she not tell me that for the past three months of drama, instead she decided to ghost me. Instantly, I don code say Im about to lose this gurl, but when man is in love .... Shey my people understand naw. Without wasting time, I come pour out plenty talk for her head. Tell her how much I care and love her, I even promise her marriage in which I actually meant it. I sha tell her that there is nothing prayer can not do say make we unite pray against the bad vision. She apologized and promised me not to go back to those pastors again and also not to leave me , that she will always be mine. See my people promises wey she make plenty Jarreee!!. No time to dey talk am. So that night, I accepted her back and the love wantintin restarted again naw. But as guy man,
I use my brain this time. I wanted to know if this gurl truly loves me or not...so I decided to create another WhatsApp account and was chatting my bae... within five days of toasting her she gree for the stranger and start talking about love and settling down with a total stranger she never see oooh.!!!! My people, in a nutshell. I don dey date my babe again oo, a very romantic online dating faaa. But with different Identity, chaiii!!! I was so heartbroken and sad. I could not explain how bad I felt when she told the new strange guy which she has never met in her life how much more she doesn't want to ever love me again. She denied me totally. Instantly, she has changed towards the real me, would ignore my messages and calls. But gives her full attention to a stranger and even telling him her whole life history and how she got pregnant for one fuckboy and lost the baby. Imagine gurl wey dey form virgin for me the first day we bleeped. As a coded guyman naw, I decided to play along and also I make sure she fall for me finally. Right now she's so emotional and in love with me the stranger with fake identity..lolzzz...

we have decided to meet each other by next month sha....na there I go show face disgrace am... to be continued

Bro, just free the babe, from what I gather on your write up, ure someone that loves well and with heart. Save up ur energy to find another babe. Just free this babe, u no need all these drama. Besides how old is the babe? Most Babes between the ages of 17 and 26 have 99.9% chance of behaving in that manner. Is she a student too? Students will mostly behave the same too.. Just restrategize the profile of babe u need and find another babe. You will thank me later

brownemmanuel43:
Baba calm down, personally, I dont judge with emotion and that's one of my problem in dis part of the world.
I know how times I dun collect blow from some beast (husbands) trying to save situation. One thing i hv come to realise is that this is day, the type of ladies and guys we hv are totally different from what they society had back then.
Ladies want to be rubbing sholder with men. Remeber u said one thing led to anoda which prompted the husband to beat her (I hate domestic violence) but she did not tell u those things dat led to anoda thing.
U mentioned about my sisters: I see Every nigerian lady as my sister. Baba I hv handled case whereby the wife painted the husband as devil's fada but when the whole thing came everybody found out dat the wife was the devil herself. That's why once is wife matter, is very difficult matter. PLS NEVA U BE EMOTION I NALIN JUDGEMENT, GOOD MORNING SIR

I agree with most of your thoughts, but trust me I have heard both sides of the story. The hubby failed to give any indicting accusation. He simply mismanaged the situation and exposed his wife to his family bruhaha. In conclusion i saw a guy that wasn’t ready to marry in the first place

Sailor22:
Even if mum is a single mother,or slay mama,no woman reach my mama,u hear? So stop typing nonsense

Ode does it mean other people don’t value their mother. I pity the innocent gal wey go marry u dingbat. Get the Bleep off my mention kid!

Durchess:
OP, you said it started in march, this is may. Your story never complete.

Early march, by early April d wife was out already.

davillian:
Mom is welcome anytime
But coming with my bro and his gf is a big no
Its either the girl leaves or both of them leaves
And if mum gets involve 3of them are leaving be that....
I don't take nonsense from anybody I don't really give a flying Bleep....

Simple!

Mypeople2:
Thank you very much for abusing the women .Did you see the part she said only one room has a bed ?For goodness sake, you went to a house that has only one bed, won't you carry your babe from that house to some where else ? You want to turn a family house to NYSC camp ? In some situations you just have to use your head

Are u minding all these ppl that will read to reply and not read to comprehend.

MEGA4BILLION:
Why on earth will a couple sleep in a living room leaving their matrimonial bed and room for boyfriend and girlfriend. Well maybe they are yet to understand what marriage is. If the visitors occupies the couple's room why wouldn't they be in charge of the kitchen. From your naration the man is immature, he needs to be tutored and counseled about marriage. She should give him time. But we don't know the man's side of the story.

I have heard his own side. His side were petty and doesn’t hold water, you know when ppl say things to score cheap points that’s what his side was all about! Simply put, His side of the story doesn’t justify his actions

Wolgrace:
Incomplete story. The story is one-sidedly written to accuse the man and his family... The woman's victim card is so glaring in this story.


Op, tell us the truth.

I agree I couldn’t have typed everything word for word but this is the summary and key parts and from this summary. There’s nothing the husband will say that will justify his actions of sending his wife out 12am midnight. Yes I repeat 12am! You think everyone is sane? Pray u dnt meet insane ppl. The wife didn’t beat up the mother! That’s the only offence I consider grievous

2buffagain:
IF this story is true,

then it means the OP is being a typical woman leaving out MASSIVE, meaty chunks from the story to manipulate the emotions of her audience.

People don't get thrown out of their house by their spouse by..."asking a question"....as you put it.

What exactly did she do?
Until that is answered, I am not an audience of these telemundo narratives.

Your post clearly shows u have a very huge knowledge gap. To broaden your knowledge, meet Lawyers or religious leaders, they will tell you this is nothing compared to the ridiculous things going on in some marriages or that ended some marriages. You need to acquire knowledge and u need to do it fast!