₦airaland Forum

thnks mohawk

Make una no mind sammy

I dey kampe

thanks lady

Enny

i'm back and stable now

The seat for the President of Nigeria is up for grabs

requirement: you must be suffering from at least 4 diff types of illnesses

Clemcy, ur pals at kirikiri missed you too. YOu have a letter from ur roommate, Migines

dont blame scorpium,

been to a boys' school all his life

nursery, primary, secondary n tertiary

Baby pls dont announce this publicly. . . you know i cant feed the nation

keyboard

@Gabby

Fire down baby

@newdeal
Daysis oblongata. So much entities firing by waysis of bill gates connection

shocked

Gaby baby,

It nice of you to compile those lists. I wld be nicer if i had it

kay9 & newdeal,

I don show sha. too much time on water. nw i dey land, make i see who be that person wey . . . . .

I agree with u arcani.

Maybe u'll understand on monday

thnak u lady

I agree with u arcani. It all happened when you got into my life

mumu boy

old joke but worth remembering

nice one enny

at least its better than you who always does the SNEAK move

then its high time i drop my bible and defend my wives

A guy calls home from work and a strange woman answers the phone. The guy says, "Who is this?" "This is the maid," answers the woman.

"We don't have a maid!"

"I was just hired this morning by the lady of the house."

"Oh. Well, this is her husband. Is she there?"

"Ummm, she's upstairs in the bedroom with someone whom I just naturally figured was her husband."

He'd always suspected, but now he knows. He says to the maid, "Listen, would you like to make $50,000?"

"What do I have to do?"

"I want you to get my gun from the desk in the den and shoot that witch and the jerk she's with."

"$50,000? Really?"

"Yes."

The maid puts down the phone. The guy hears footsteps, followed by a couple of gunshots. The maid comes back to the phone. "What should I do with the bodies?"

"Throw them in the swimming pool!"

"What pool?"

"Uhhh . . . is this 832-4821?"

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use each day . . . 30,000 to a man's 15,000.

The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men . , "

The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"

A man lies on his deathbed, surrounded by his family, a weeping wife and four children.
Three of the children are tall, good looking and athletic but, the fourth and youngest is small and ugly.
Darling wife," the husband whispers, "assure me that the youngest child really is mine.
I want to know the truth before I die, I will forgive you if , "
The wife gently interrupts him.
"Yes my dearest absolutely no question I swear on my mother's grave that you are his father."
The man then dies, happy.

The wife mutters under her breath: "Thank God he didn't ask about the other three."

Getting married is very much like going to a continental restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.

thanks jeovy

I've missed u guys. Hp no more fighting in the house.

_{You know say i don become pastor}

A young executive is working late one evening. As he comes out of his office about 8 PM he sees the Big Boss standing by the shredder in the hallway, a piece of paper in his hand.

"Do you know how to work this thing?" the older man asks. "My secretary's gone home and I don't know how to run it."

"Yes, sir," says the young executive, who turns on the machine, takes the paper from the other man, and feeds it in.

"Now," says his boss, "I just need the one copy

"COMPETITIVE SALARY"
We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.

"JOIN OUR FAST-PACED TEAM"
We have no time to train you.

"CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE"
We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up; well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.

"MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED"
You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.

"SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED"
Some time each night and some time each weekend.

"DUTIES WILL VARY"
Anyone in the office can boss you around.

"MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL"
We have no quality control.

"CAREER-MINDED"
Female Applicants must be childless (and remain that way).

"APPLY IN PERSON"
If you're old, fat or ugly you'll be told the position has been filled.

"NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE"
We've filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality.

"SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE"
You'll need it to replace three people who just left.

"PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST"
You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.

"REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS"
You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.

"GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS"
Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do it.

* EXCITABLE: Shorts half twisted around, cannot find hole, rips shorts.

* SOCIABLE: Joins friends in a piss whether he has to or not.

* CROSS-EYED: Looks into next urinal to see how the other guy is fixed.

* TIMID: Can't piss if someone's watching, flushes urinal, comes back later.

* INDIFFERENT: All urinals being used, pisses in sink.

* CLEVER: No hands, fixes tie, looks around and usually pisses on floor.

* WORRIED: Not sure of where he has been lately, makes quick inspection.

* FRIVOLOUS: Plays stream up, down and across urinals, tries to hit fly or bug.

* ABSENT-MINDED: Opens vest, pulls out tie, pisses in pants.

* CHILDISH: Pisses directly in bottom of urinal, likes to see it bubble.

* SNEAK: Farts silently while pissing, acts very innocent, knows man in next stall will get blamed.

* PATIENT: Stands very close for a long while waiting, reads with free hand.

* DESPERATE: Waits in long line, teeth floating, pisses in pants.

* TOUGH: Bangs pecker on side of urinal to dry it.

* FAT: Backs up and takes a blind shot at urinal, pisses in shoe.

* LITTLE: Stands on box, falls in, drowns.

* DRUNK: Holds right thumb in left hand, pisses in pants.

* DISGRUNTLED: Stands for a while, gives up, walks away.

* CONCEITED: Holds two-inch pecker like a baseball bat.

* RADICAL: Ignores urinal. Pisses on wall.

Two guys were talking at work.

"I've got a problem," said the first one.

"What is it?"

"My wife has done it to me again. I'm supposed to buy my mother-in-law a present for her birthday, from the two of us. And, I am fresh out of ideas. I mean, it's HER mother, why can't she buy it?"

"What did you buy her last year?" the other one asked.

"Last year I bought her a VERY EXPENSIVE cemetery plot."

"Hmmmm, hard to top that one," said the other.

The two guys couldn't come up with anything. So the son-in-law didn't buy his mother-in-law anything for her birthday.

When the big day arrived the next weekend, she was a bit upset. At the family gathering for her birthday, she announced out loud to everyone, "Thank you all for the wonderful gifts. Too bad my daughter and son-in-law weren't so thoughtful!"

Thinking quickly, the son-in-law responded, "Well, you haven't used the gift I gave you last year!

boarding house chics. . . . . .i miss u guys

nice jokes