₦airaland Forum

zeefa: Well, I don't kw what to say as per your comment. I feel she is just getting jealous unnecessarily. As regards your suggestion, if she decided to pick up calls from any of her female friends too. Franklyspeaking, I won't mind if that will make her happy.
The person in question help her get the materials for her PLAB exams & other stuffz. This person is not just a friend but a brother from another woman ready to do anything for us as a family.

My dear, I can't be given u details of my family on NL. But he has done a lot for her too especially when she was pregnant. His wife don't really complain cos he told me he has warned her never to pokenose into our affair.

But my own wife seems to be strong headed that won't just listen or understand but all she intend to do is 2 dish out the threat of a divorce.

As I said, I will call both party to a meeting on sunday, then I will give the house details on our conclusion. I pray it works, but if things go wrong, I have no choice than to let her go. I respect her a lot & I love her and I don't expect such from a woman that care & love her husband.

Besides, am so grateful for all your advise & suggestions.

A-a-a-a-h Let her go ke? It hasn't reached the extent of your marriage breaking up because of your buddy. You don't seem like a couple that have much problems. Just give her more attention for now, she may be feeling that you adore that your male friend too much.

As long as the man's relationship with his friend is not inordinate or harming the marriage in any way, a man or a woman shouldn't be asked to stop relating with others by their spouses. If anybody gives me such ultimatum, i will feel ill in the relationship as in trapped and bound. Nobody should be made to feel like that.

If she is jealous that the man is giving his buddy too much attention, the man should take correction and give her the attention that she deserves.

nairabacks: PS

1.Next time don't bring your personal stuff to NL. Most ppl don't have a clue of what you're talking about, others don't know how to help you and the rest only want to insult you.

2. Don't go rushing into some woman's arms because of some family beef ooo. It is easier for one man to solve his own problem than for him to solve another's along with it.

PurpleHouse: Guys take this advice home....... we souldn't bring important family stuffs online..... ... it's not healthy.

I just saw this on front page and thought that it isn't a topic for front page because if his family comes across it it will worsen the situation instead of helping it.

Some of us don't even have the heart to feel for others and are here insulting the boy calling him sissy, gay, soft, emotional as if he should be an unfeeling log of a wood human. Anyhow when you bring a problem to a forum, you are bound to get diverse views. It's important that one doesn't allow the insulting posts get to one.

This is one good reason parents are always advised not to show favoritism to their children at the expense of others because it simply yields bad feelings. If only your father knows the storm and unhappiness he is stirring up in you, he doesn't know and he needs to be informed either by you, your mum or a relation of yours. He holds the key to making it alright and even renewing the not-too good feeling between you and your brother. I saw your post where you said that you can never talk to him yourself but you may be the best person to make him realize this. If you don't want to face him squarely, you can write these feelings of yours down in a letter/e-mail for him (with good choice of words). It may touch him or you can have your mum, an uncle or aunt talk to him so that he can realize how much he is hurting you. I mean you don't have to expect to be treated more specially than others because you are the first but you mentioned that you once poisoned yourself because you never got close to him like a father and child do meaning that there is a void between you two which you yearn to be filled.

If he is made to understand that there exist that gap, he may make an effort to close it and get closer to you. You have to be very careful about the way you feel over your brother's attitude to you because such feelings are dangerous, very dangerous. Stop attributing his behaviours to the fact that your Popsie regards him more and that makes him disrespects you, it can make you feel more hurt over it all and such feelings are capable of driving a person to lengths that they may blink and regret the next minute. You can also tell your father or your mum about your brother disrespecting you, it is their duty as the parents to see to decorum in their family. You don't really have to feel bad about "the sale of the property" issue, you know. Your father is still alive and the property he owns are still his to handle as he likes until he wills it away to his children and they regain rights to own those, I understand your hurt there coming from the angle that your younger brother was given the paper and asked to sell it but that shouldn't bother you. Your father is the one selling his property through the help of your brother.

One more thing, please don't poison yourself again or want to hurt yourself over these feelings okay. Problems are better solved, they remain there if unsolved so why not make effort to get this solved. You and your father moves closer together, you and your brother respects each other more and everybody is happy. How about that?

I don't agree with that rule that "the presence of a new wife or a new husband" in the life of a person should be the cause of the whatever good or bad that is happening around the person.

The husband that may be blaming the wife/ or the wife that may be blaming the husband for her change in fortune may have made decisions that affected the way things turned around. I see people making sweet engagements/marital vows etc and saying such sweet things like "She brought value into my life, my life changed on meeting him etc". It could be that the partners helped them make good business choices, or that the love they shared with the person gave them such sound mind that had them making good decisions. If the reverse is the case why blame another for the bad choices you made? The rule is not logical.
Believing in such things is why some people can go to prayer houses and diviners and quickly believe when told that this person or that is the cause of their problems, we all know that such stuffs have broken many homes in Nigeria even when there's no atom of truth in such Pastor/diviner's message.

@Rubi
DNA test just like many imperfect technologies and machines can be liable to errors. How about if there was an error in that particular test, that means that this boy is being subjected to all these tortures over an error? I have heard some HIV patients say that they ran tests severally to be sure that the first test is true much more a test as important as DNA that should be solidly confirmed. The way people cling on these DNA test is amazing really. They went about some things the wrong way like the name change thing that should have been done with the authority responsible for that before approaching the school.

I can't even imagine how a human being will feel hearing "He's not your father", "He's your father". They may need to chill down a bit with the effort to get him to travel abroad so that he can get over the scandalous news first instead of having him encounter more dramas trying to change names etc. It's nice of you to truly feel for him Ruby, just ensure that he is around people that have some warmth and love for him before the whole issue have him breaking down. A young person that is unable to handle the shame and indignity of this kind of scandal may depress and harm himself.

The lawyer is only acting on the information and misinformation of the whole "He use to be his father and DNA said that he isn't" and the name change perhaps. They made things seem like he was misinforming the embassy and impersonating another. You guys may have some tough explanations to do there before they can understand what really happened if they will even want to understand with the way they look down on the name of our country in some embassies. Whew! the boy needs to rest a bit from all that bachannals coming in one swoop.

peelovee: Many Thanks for all your post.

All that I needed is advise, not judgemental posts.

I pray this never happen to any of you or someone close/related to you.

Friend, don't allow the posts that does not sound too good to you affect you okay. You asked for advise and as we all are not the same, there are bound to be diverse views to your case. Don't go feeling sad-sad-unhappy because of what some other persons feel about this. I've already posted my own view, I'm only moved to reach out to you by your last post.
You seem to have made some decisions out of naivety and other concerns of your heart. If this young man is running scared from getting married there is nothing you can do than to let him be. I'm sure that someday you will even smile again and thank God that he left. Your mother supposed to be guiding you good at this point, be careful whatever you finally decide to do and please don't hurt yourself in anyway. 27th April is almost here and I'm sure that you may not be feeling good at all about the way things turned out but some things does work together for our own good even when we may be feeling down when it's all working piece by piece. We are all humans and sometimes make mistake, go to God at this point and unburden your heart to him as well as make him your friend. He will definitely make a way, okay Baby?

Hahaha
Just 4 days ago I breezed into a shop to buy a lovely black and white zebra-print-animal-skin design panty that was worn on a mannequin. The kind of beautiful design that gives you that "I gotta have it" feeling, i was taken into the shop and shown a panty with some additional a*s paddings. I was very surprised and quickly told them, "No I don't need all that padding" and the sales persons there bust out laughing. Anyhow, that can still be a better help to some a*s seeking ladies instead of going to the surgeon's tables to add silicones to their bumbum.

Amelian: I bet mama must have covered all loopholes for such cane to reappear ... For her to rejoice this way... Not everyone overlook loopholes, some tighten up their games like crazy...u go fear, nah ....

Girl, you bad -o-o.

I simply pity this poster that has endured the unhappiness of a fruitless marriage only to dabble into another deep sea of coming in between couples that are going through dificulties in their marriage.
Poster you should have asked questions and even done your investigation, how can you marry a person that never showed you his divorce certificate or that you don't know the extent of his separation? You are better off on your own than being in that sizzling frying pan which can overturn on you any moment. Are you waiting for acid to be poured on you? Your life is at a risk there. The best thing should be a meeting for all parties involved in this in order to broker peace. If during the meeting you realize that they were never separated, apologise to the first wife and leave them in peace. Better hear from the two of them, know where you stand and if you realize that there is no room for you there run for your life-o-o. Your husband is partly to blame for luring you into it all without being very truthful to you.

$6.5 million will have yielded itself again and again before that 2 year child gets old enough to school and live therein.
It seems say she dey ofe (O no na ofe). She is rolling on money. Ain't I happy for her?

She may be laundering away her money to sell the apartment later, who knows?

dayokanu: ^^ You mean Alfa Mac dey chop igbin and ta eyin afterwards? (Chop igbin and use toothpick to remove hair stuck between teeth)

I no follow you dey there o

Mac doesnt do that he observes my 12 rules to the letter

Toothpick? Hair stuck in teeth?
Jeez! they don't kill Mac be that-o-o. Ojigbijigbijigbi----My hand no dey-o-o.
Laughter wan kill me

@Poster
This your thread reminded me about a certain love story gone hay wire that I read yesterday in Linda's blog in which a certain man left his wife for an actress because his wife refuses to hang out and mingle with him. I only hope that the matter does not affect your Aunty's marriage much. I agree that nobody should be forced to do what they can't handle in the bedroom which is why a man or woman should have communicated enough to understand one another's likes and dislikes & go for partners that can flow with the same bedmatics like them. I for example will never do a*al sex in my life and should ensure that I get yoked with somebody that doesn't go for that, should he wake up some day in the future and say that he wants to go the backway----I will be ever ready to run out of the marriage. You don't tell a woman that she will be getting roses and lollipops when you marry her only for her to realize that there are more B.D-S.M chains,cuffs & kinkiness in your nightstand drawer than she can handle and never even heard about.. Oral s*x is hippie to many couples but some people have some spiritual beliefs against it which they are entitled to and if such persons don't want to do that, they shouldn't be forced to do what they don't like.

dayokanu: Mac,

Dont mind them jare

#Teamboringsex rocks

12 rules to avoid or@l, penile, vagin@l and whole body cancer and most especially to avoid the wrath of the gods

Thou shall not mention or make any sexuall reference at any time
Sex only at night and in the dark,
Thou must not see each others blockos and wetincall
Booby touching is only for pikin alone
Sex only in the bedroom on the bed or Mat,
Nobody utters any sounds at all.
Both partners tie wrapper before the act. You must be covered during the entire encounter
Call your partners Baba Saheed and Iya Dorcas or Daddy and Mummy
Sex mustnt exceed 5minutes per round before you roll to the side and snore off
Kissing is banned and punishable by flogging
Heading or carrying microphone is punishable by Hanging
Chopping igbin can only be allowed if the man would purify his mouth with conc HCl afterwards

Missionary is the only acceptable position with the woman below and the man on top, The woman below should only open the thing small and never open yakata else cancer might h-enter

Dayo, you dey use style dey gist us how you and your Babe (abi na Babes) dey do the deed. Hahaaa

andyanders: I believe the physically challenged issue is the lady hence the mom, the lady in question was spending such amount with her mother to see that the guy weds the lady.
Why must a lady die because of a man? A relationship that is give and take and a woman will kill herself just to please a man. Nonsense.

Hey dearie! shshshshshshssh!
She may come back to clear that as some people have pointed out that---we mustn't talk about that loud for now. Shey you understand?

andyanders: Two of her posts goes to show that she is coming from somewhere and I believe the poster must be sponsoring the guy and teh guy taking advantage of her as a result of her state of health.

Yeah the two threads pointed to that direction but the physically challenged is not really clear. It may be the man and not her. It's really really important that naive young growing girls be directed well by the people around them lest some capitalize on their innocence and goodness to take advantage of them.

nwando: First and foremost,he is not your spouse
So please stop calling him your spouse Ok?
He is not even a man
Secondly,what in the world will possess you to pay expenses for your own marriage
Are you that desperate ?
Do your parents want to get rid of you?
Why in the world should you and your parents foot the bill for your marriage?
That is the point at which you should have fled from this hot mess

This is a lesson in disguise
He has shown you a shadow of things to come in this doomed union were it to happen
He will probably come begging again,I hope you will be wiser
Good luck with the baby ,carry it to term and have your baby
It is your baby not his
He abandoned you,he abandoned the baby
No ifs or buts
Hopefully your parents will support you
Do not make the foolish mistake of naming this child after this eediotic loser
Give it your last name and delete him from your memory fast
He is not worth it at all
There is nothing positive in this man from all you have said
Chickened out of a relationship dumping a pregnant fiancee ,Moved to the village with his mother,probably unemployed
An efulefu ,loafer extraordinaire
I wouldn't even hire him to walk my dog
Tufiakwa

Take the pregnancy as the only positive that came out of a 5 year wasted relationship with an eediot hopefully the innocent baby will not inherited his useless traits
I know it looks like a double negative now
Have the courage to hold your head up high and walk away,let the people say what they like,you did nothing wrong
Don't make the mistake of begging this eediot to marry you because you want him o take away the shame of the disappointment,you will regret it
When you look into the eyes of the baby,your sorrow will turn to joy
Wishing you all the best
This is not the end of your world

Nwando did you say that you won't even hire the "my-mummy-winer-man" fella to walk your dog. Hahaaa
Nne you want make our girl cry.

nwando: Well I came back last December and was looking for all the old posters I knew
I dey o
I still dey dia kwa

I know men have a hard time marrying single mothers especially Igbo men,I have written on that but never said it was ok to do so but stating that the average never been married Igbo man would dump a woman once he found out she had a kid from another relationship.
being in a hell of a marriage is a worse place to be IMHO
I would rather be a single mother than in a a hellish union and I doff my heart for women who have the courage to leave abusive unions

Imagine attempting to marry a man who has been unemployed since 2006?
I don't get this poster
How could a woman not know her man was unemployed for 7 solid years,that one dey ridiculous

He was unemployed for that long and she didn't know. It seems that the poor girl wasn't guided well by the people around her. Her mother should have done better on seeing her daughter contribute 75% to the marriage and the young man 10% instead she contributed her own 15%. Her own is for her daughter to be married away without looking carefully to know who the heck the girl is going to spend her life with.

[quote author=IGBO-SON]I defy any true christian/Nigerian not to have a tear in the eye, or a lump in the throat over this beautiful song.

There's something about Samsongs voice that hearkens back to my childhood, when i often overheard my Dad enjoying his Motown collection; Samsong has that evergreen old-skool voice that carries in its every note the experiences, the happiness and the sorrows of the struggling black man of the 50s and 60s.....anyone feeling me?

I present to you Samsong.....the pride of Nigeria!


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1fh-gPB2ZXc[/quote]I like the song, the settings of the video, the fifties look. How come i'm just seeing this now. I'm familiar with one of Samsong's work but haven't seen this before.

adaobi123:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AlGQZkdUO1A

Justseeing this,nice song by flavour. Thanks for sharing.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=74BdfVIi7PA

I went thru two of the poster's thread that may have links to this. The first one asking whether one can marry a physically challenged person" is not clear enough because she didn't elaborate clearly on whether she or the man is physically challenged. In the other thread she narrated how a man was fond of taking her money and not repaying her, she got good advise from nairalanders there. There's nothing wrong with helping a friend/fiance but falling mugu to a man that constantly borrows and does not repay is way too much. If it was this same man that she mentioned in that thread that is being talked about here then she has been on a long long thing. It looks like the case of a naive young girl that fell to the maga of the likes of yahoo yahoo boys. I so pity her.

ferdimako: I guess he's Yoruba.But how do u bring up a child with anything.

Being Yoruba or Hausa has nothing to do with this. Thanks

AVISENNA: The guy is under remote control ,imagine you spending 70% on the introduction and stuff, this just like Dejavu.Forget the guy and go and raise your child.It's God trying to save you.This was just how someone i know turned out.If you go to him : YOU WILL REGRET YOUR MARRIAGE To HIM.LEAVE HIM NOW...All you 'll suffer is shame and gossip at worst 6months or less.Please i am begging you.

My thoughts too, she is better off without that winer man that is busy clutching his momma's apron while his mother is defending him and throwing words at the girl's mother. Jeez! The same man that thought he was man enough when he was exciting her up with his d*cky. Now he is running away scared and making a fool of her. God may be trying to save her early enough from all the many drama that he and his momma may have had in the offing for her. Poster quickly go collect your bride price from them, have your child & dust up yourself.

peelovee: Greetings Dear NLs,
I am in big confussion right now!

My spouse and I have been dating since 2008, at the end of 2011 he went to see my parents to let them know his intention. after 2010 we had a misunderstanding which was his fault; that led to seperation. This kept me in a very tight heartbreak it took Gods grace for me to get on with my life again, without any relationship. He came begging, saying he has realize his faults so on and so forth, that I should forgive and give him a second chance that he is a change Person. 2012 November I decided to give him that second chance because of the Love I had for him. Jan 2013 He went for my introduction and traditional and white has been plan for April 27th cards has been distributed (All expenses 70% from my side, 15% from my parents,10% from my spouse). febraury fell ill seriously after, after treatment I discovered I was already 8weeks pregnant, I told my spouse, his response was not encouraging.

Just yesterday he called me and said he is no longer interested, that no tradition/wedding till after i deliver the baby. And that he want to inform me that he has relocated to the village to stay(I confirm this morning and it is true), and that I should have it in mind that i can not seperate him from his mum. even his mum called to confirm dat.

My mum called his mum last night and she told her the same story. She even went ahead to tell my mum that i am lucky they did my introduction before the pregnacy, that what about girls that gets pregnant without see who's is responsible.

I am totally confussed: this pregnacy is just my major concerned as it is almost ten weeks.
what should i do? advise

Poster you kinda brought the whole of these down on yourself. You already knew that this man isn't financially ready to start a family yet you went on with him only contributing 10%, and you contributing 70%. I will not blame you too much, I know that you may be clamouring to just get married, there's nothing wrong with you supporting your fiance in the marriage but if he only has 10%--that shows that he isn't ready at all and you still went ahead with it. You are already pregnant and even 75% married to him having done the traditional marriage. It's only that no court marriage or church marriage has been done yet to make it legal and if I were you, I should be thankful and be thinking of how to return the bride price.

Don't throw away your baby, don't kill it either. Take care of your child, it isn't the end of the world. Forget every negative things being said about being a single mum---some days you will be glad that you did not do away with that child. Do yourself a favour and get over that baby-baby-man already. Don't tell me that you want to marry a boneless man that is quick to run to his momma and tell you "ntoo, mm-e-e"(as in give you the tongues) from there. . The wedding is on the 27th, it could be that the pressure(financial and otherwise) got too much for him and he ran. It seems like you overdid things dear but I am not blaming you too much.

Somebody get me the full lyrics please.
That girl made one hell of a swaggy song with our everyday Naija slangs.

CFCfan: ^^
She's got the talent.

And plenty swagga too.
The way she speaks Igbo with a funny accent made her seem like she can't speak igbo but she did say that she speaks Igbo fluently when i commented on that. Her funny accent, the way she says "Hei", "borrow me money" sophed up her song.
Nobody is stopping that young girl, she knows where she is headed: The top!
Gotta meet her there. Lol

Church Agbasaa
Nwanne, hei!
O ga efo gi n'anya
-----
O bu ajo nsogbu
Charu ya n'uzo, na o na acho onye o ga egbu.
Bone thugs are bringing more harmony
No dey form gang star upon party beat.
I make the best MC bust the mic mooner
This chick bad like Nudder.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=74BdfVIi7PA