₦airaland Forum

For me, Osuofia doesn't come close to Saka. Mr Ibu is funnier than Osuofia and he's the best in Igbo-Nollywood. Between him and Saka, I'll have to throw a coin.

Ajirebi/Pa James is probably funnier than both of them

agabaI23:
Nice Grandpa Suraj. I will be like you when I grow up!
Abeg Jarus, I sent you a pm. Can you reply.

Done

Awesomeking:
I just couldnt help but post this,these people freak me out everytime i go to pray..herez 5 types of people you see in a mosque

1.The prayer warrior-this person is always at the mosque atleast 40 mins before prayer time.i dont know why,he probably thinks getting there first would make God to bless him first

2..The tecno android owner-this person is always scrolling this or typing that during the sermon,this person hardly looks up from the phone,until when it is time to go thats when he remembers he is in a mosque

3.The quran king-this one annoys me the most,he always tries to let everyone know that he has indepth knowledge of the quran,whatever surah the imam is reading or preaching about,this person recites it along with the imam,and he doesnt mind being very AUDIBLE

4.The blackberry owner.this person comes to the mosque with charger to charge his blackberry..there was actually a time when a dude walked straight to where the imam was standing and plugged his phone close to the imam when prayer was going on

5.The late comer-this person always comes late every single day and always tries to squeeze himself into an already filled mat..

#1 used to apply to me, unfortunately, the opposite, #5 applies more now. Meanwhile, coming early is highly meritorious.

#2 also applies to me now, no thanks to ever presence on Nairaland, Facebook etc. In fact, the Imam of my estate mosque once asked my wife "what does your husband do on phone that he's always clung to his phone?" (although I don't do it during jumaat sermon)

#4 also applies to me once in a while.

bigass:
How much does Forte oil pays

I don't know much about their entry level but I know they pay their experienced hires very well. There was a time they were poaching Oando staff, using money to entice them. And Oando themselves are not doing badly for a downstream company.

davide470:
Oga, connection does not work in an E&P.. It only get you to the test door. Take it from someone who has the connection as long as the Wall of China.

I work in an E&P company. I saw the advert in Tuesday Guardian and threw in my CV! Didn't know anyone.

With good grade, you will get invite (test minimum) for these companies. I have undergone recruitment process of Shell, Chevron, Mobil, Total Upstream, Total Downstream, Seven Energy, All Energy, Oando, got offers from 3 of them, and worked in 2 of them. I didn't know anyone in any of them.

The GTB figure is correct.

My entry level pay when I joined one downstream oil company more than 6 years ago was 163k net per month. It should be above 200k in that company today.

My friend that joined Shell around same time was earning circa 500k net per month.

Today, in the oil and gas industry, here is a rough idea about net monthly pay at entry level.

IOCS E&P (upstream) - 600k-1m

Independents E&P (upstream) - 300k - 600k

Multinational oil servicing - 300k - 500k

Tier 2/Indigenous Oil Servicing - 200k - 400k

Tier 1 Downstream - 200k - 300k

Tier 2 Downstream - 150k - 200k

Tpharell:
Nigerian police will begin to use Bentley too soon

Nigerian Police actually used then latest Prado many years back, I think inthe mid-90s

Od31:
There are good hotels with cheaper rate, why spend 140k for 7 days, when u can get a good hotel in dubai for 50 dollars equivalent per night, which will amount to about 60k for the 7 days.

Good to know that. That's a cost saving window for me when next I want to visit

Inna lilahi wa Inna ilaehi rajiun.

Was she in that accident that happened to some members of MSSN Lautech on their way to IVC?

majamajic:
mathematician

---

Na real mathematician. LOL.

Took time before I even got the drift.

Gooci:
na sleep of hand nah

Lol. Na real 'sleep' of hand o

I'm 32.

I felt a little pressure around 26-28 when I wasn't achieving up to what I knew I had the potential to achieve. I was under some pressure - internally and externally and somehow felt depressed. I set a number of targets for myself but wasn't achieving them at set time. It was somehow beginning to affect me.


But I realized I was "running" too fast and probably using "another man's clock as life time guide" (pardon my literal translation of Yoruba to English). I later chilled down and started moving at my pace and preferred looking at people below me rather than people above me.

moscobabs:
I will create a thread tomorrow and its gonna be 'Nairalander journey to his Village' let see if is gonna make frontpage cos I dnt understand our Moderators again,seems they recognize members travelling out of the country than we local guys.

Many village travelogues have made NL front page. One guy posted his road trip to Enugu and it made NL hp some months back.

Seunblack7070:
Pls op,how much will it cost for me to av a 2 weeks holiday in dubai,flight,hotel and visa fee all add 2geda.I jst need an idea of how much it would cost

Flight - 130k
Hotel (7 days) - 140k
Visa - 40k
Miscellaneous (food, taxi, light shopping etc) - 90k

That's 400k

Princecharmin:
pinshures or

One that is nearest. That's me with my little girl at Dubai Mall. That should be December last year.

buchi2020:
Waiting for your village uploads cos naija needs to see how the area be

Travelogue is not a bad thing, irrespective of the intention.

Foreigners - including Americans - that visit Nigeria also share pictures and write essays on Nigeria.

seangy4konji:
next time you are in front of that metro station and you have free time?like 7-9 pmInstead of entering the metroGo straight down to where you took the bus to sharjah,once there just at that station?look up where the buses pass when exiting?you will see a shop with a sign with SHAWARMA...Its 6 dirhams and coke 2dhr...You might eventually spend some hours there but be prepared to chatter a cab to your destination cos no buses but the shawarma and food there is worth it and you meet different shawarma lovers.

That shawarma spot na die. I had a taste on my way to take to Sharjah too. Took a pic of one handsome Arab boy that came to buy shawarma. Must have lost that in my old phone.

@OP, Dubai is a cool space. It's the favourite holiday destination for me and my family.

Familiar places up there.

Not a sight-seeing freak though, hardly do more than going to Dubai Mall for shopping, one other big market (forgot the name) to shop for things that are too expensive at Dubai Mall; sharjah to visit a family friend, academic city; health city to do my annual medical check-up; a couple of other places just to stroll around; and since I go with my family, spend time together in hotel too - we normally stuff our hotel with foodstuff and she cooks as though we are at home in Nigeria. Traveling without my family is usually boring to me.

LMAyedun:
1.The Sadist - Most students are scared of him. He comes to class, threatens everyone, you rarely see him smile, always serious with a straight face. He never gives an 'A' and when result comes out, his courses are always mass failure. He is usually the most hated lecturer.

2.The comedian - He is more or less a stand-up comedian. Always lively, students look forward to his laugher-filled lectures but once taken for granted, he can be shocking. He is usually stingy with marks/grades. EXPEE

3.The Student lecturers - Also known as Assistant lecturers. They usually start as errand boys to some top lecturers in the department, they mark exam scripts, invigilate during tests & exams and later graduate to helping the lecturers with some of their lectures. They are usually hyperactive, aggressive and proud which usually results into a clash with the students.

4.The Crazy Lecturer - He rarely smiles, does things in an unusual manner including ways of speaking(with big grammar like Hon. Patrick Obahiagbon), a funny dress sense(with long bling-bling chains like Ayo Oritsejafor). He is always REAL and serious, doesn't care what his students feels or think about him, highly unpredictable and lectures for 3/4hrs until the students complains.

5.The Fatherly Lecturer - He is always matured, homely, approachable, and friendly. He takes his time to extensively teach his students in such a way that once you fail his course, you know that you truly deserve to fail. He is students' favourite. PROF OLADEJI

6.The Lazy Lecturer - He comes to class twice in a semester(One, for course introduction & later, for revision, a week to Exams). He doesn't lecture nor teach, he only comes to read out loud while the students listen. He doesn't care if you understand or not, and 15 or 20mins, he is done for the day's lecture.

7.The 'Runs' lecturer - He comes to class, gives shabby lectures and drop his mobile digits or his errand boy's digits(The coded students knows what to do). #5k for 'C', #8k for 'B' and #10k for 'A' depending on the importance or Unit of the course.

8.The Departmental dog - Woman wrapper. He takes advantage of any vulnerable female student, it doesn't matter how young she is, the sex addict just want to get laid at the slightest opportunity. Hide your babe, sister, daughter from him.

9.The story teller - 90% of his lecture is the story about his days in the University and how serious/dedicated they were those days + how he still consult his 1973 lecture notebook. He talks about how bad the Gov't and the school management is, especially if he is an ardent ASUU member. He usually receive at least 10 phone calls within a lecture. - DR ABIOLA

10a.The Religion fanatic (Daddy G.O) - This type of lecturer comes to class to chip in the Gospel within his lecture, inviting the entire class to his church & mid week programmes. He is always gentle & Godly.

10b.The Religion fanatic (Mallam) - He comes to class and usually separates the female students from the male students before his lecture begins. He looks gentle and you don't need to be told before you know he is a muslim. Take him for granted and you will pay dearly for it.

You are free to add yours

Good observation.
See my examples up there.
I have examples for all, but deliberately left out some for obvious reasons.

endeedike:
PLEASE Maximus17 refered me to you.......IS SOMEONE WITH THIRD CLASS DEGREE AND ICAN CERTIFICATION QUALIFIED FOR A JOB THAT REQUIRES A SECOND DEGREE LOWER DIVISION MINIMUM CRITERIA

please i intend to write d exam dis november..if you have any info,advice, video lessons i can use please send to me.... chonik_01@yahoo.com

No, except the employer gives that option.

I have many Nigerian friends schooling in India o, including a Nairalander. Hope no be dem sha.

Ymodulus: I am not a complete perfect purist. There is no such thing as a perfect political party, candidate who governs in accordance with one's every ethical judgment. But some actions are so ruinous to human rights, so destructive of the Constitution, and so contrary to basic morals that they are disqualifying. Most of you will go that far with me.

Let me briefly refresh your memory on who i am. I am that that young 19year old boy Ymodulus who a year ago called you for 25minutes or there about seeking your candid elderly advice on making and maintaining a first class. while i never made a first-class. Jarus advice has gown down deep into my blood marrows as a speaker and motivator one that can get you to do and achieve the best in you. He made me realize my dream of been one of the best student in my faculty. Even though i believe not in a god. i will call him one of my SEMI-demi GOD next to WOLE SOYINKA. I took his advice well and today well am grateful.






[size=20pt]However sir.[/size]




I am just not in support of your of propose intention to go into politics. Sir my reason is that i see you more as a P[size=23pt]OLITICAL ANALYST[/size] than a[size=23pt] POLITICIAN[/size].


There are many more Political analysts that speak at briefings, talk to journalists off the record, take part in public platforms on radio and television, and inform debate in many ways. Relentlessly they repeat their "analysis", and their influence is profound. I haven’t included them here, but so many newspaper editorials at the time mirrored the sentiments expressed by these analysts. However, when it comes to actually understanding the electorate, voting intention and opinion polls, many of these analysts are often professional guessers at best.

Importantly, these analysts are unaccountable too. They can talk complete fiction and be widely quoted but do they ever apologize when they get it wrong? Are they ever fired? Do newspapers stop using their services? Not a chance. If anything, their celebrity seems to grow. They carry on as if nothing has changed — ironically, often to scold politicians for breaking their promises and being unaccountable themselves. They operate beyond reproach or criticism.


One might well ask: if they can’t understand the political marketplace, why listen to them when interpreting those myriad political events outside elections? The things written, have been so speculative that they border on the narcissistic, as if each commentator has direct access to the electorate’s collective brain. I could set out a multiplicity of similar examples of poor predictions for every election or campaign run in the past 12 years.

[b]It’s a kind of fraud, and we give them far too much credit. They should be held to the same standard they so publicly and self-righteously demand of politicians.

They generally seem incapable of retrospection too. I could find only one example of an analyst trying to account for his poor predictions in a meaningful way. To his great credit, Habib wrote an article for the Sun News , after the 2011 election, in which he went through what he had said before and how he got it wrong. That sets him apart somewhat.

In his defence, Habib argued that analysts were not a homogenous group. He is right. And there are exceptions to the general, unthinking herd. They are rare indeed. Imoni Amamare of AIT Political platform, one of the country’s best political reporters, is meticulous about seeking out and speaking to experts who have and understand hard data before reporting on it. He and a few others set the standard in this regard. But even he would be at the mercy of a political analyst who, when phoned for comment, "felt" a certain way that morning.[/b]



I do not like to go further sir.


[size=21pt]Summarily.[/size]

I am saying a big no to your political aspirations, because i feel you are a POLITICAL ANALYST and analyst don't make the best POLITICIANS.



[size=21pt]Lastly[/size]


i must commend you for joining the Progressive. APC!!!

Thanks my brother.

I am also joining Kwara Politics.

I officially made my intention known in my YNAIJA column today: http://ynaija.com/mcjarus/

I have already started high level consultation.

I will update you guys as things progress.

She knows only 2 players: Drogba and Mikel

She doesn't sit down to watch with me, she just watches a couple of scenes while passing through ugh the sitting room. She celebrates goals with me though.

I witnessed one in Ajah few weeks back. The Land Rover LR4 left the road and entered a shop (half its body inside the shop as if parked through the shop door) and it was a loss of control. The driver of the car I was in did not wait for us to take picture.

maclatunji: I told you that you are a politician on Nairaland a few years ago. You were saying you were not sure and I was laughing thinking to myself: "see this politician".

May Allah guide you with this and other decisions. My brother, you will need all the prayers you can get.

Organising human beings is the most difficult thing ever.

I also surprised myself.

Thanks bro.

nannymcphee: Kindly check your link

Corrected. Thanks. : http://www.jarushub.com/5-ways-to-identify-fraudulent-recruitment-arrangement/

I don't have any plans to settle outside Nigeria, and not sure I fancy it.

But I love traveling outside the country. It's fun. For holiday in particular.

I got to office on Monday after the incident and sent a stinking email to my friend who forwarded it to their customer service. I got an official apology email from GTB few days later.

A couple, but the one I won't forget in a hurry happened in 2009 or so.

I was traveling to Minna, Niger state, to take flight to Abuja and then bus to Minna from Abuja. I don't like holding cash, so I didn't withdraw more than what I needed to buy my ticket at MMIA. After paying for my ticket, I had like N3000 or so left in my pocket. I took airport taxi to the motor park for N3000 (the taxi man said N3500) but I was able to have him collect 3k which was all I had left on me.

I got to Utako park and I was told the fare for Abuja-Minna bus was 1k. I went to the nearest ATM, Zenith Bank, to withdraw the money needed to continue the journey only to be told by ATM: you financial institution is not available. I tried another bank within the area, a UBA, same story. It wasn't funny. I kept trying like 10 times, shuttling between the two ATM machines. 30 minutes, 1 hour, 2 hours same story.

Annoyed, I called my friends that worked in GTB Head Office, cursing GTB, barking on top of my voice over the phone as if my friend was the owner of GTB, telling him to speak to their IT people that they had put me in mess in far away Abuja. I knew a couple of people in Abuja, but I didn't even have money to visit them and I had exhausted my phone credit shouting to my friends that worked in GTB. More so, since I was just passing through Abuja, I was hesitant to reach out to any friend or family in Abuja, especially as I was having hope that the ATM would work in 10, 15 minutes.


My friend in GTB apologised on behalf of the bank, told me his IT people told him it was a general issue and they're working on it even on that Saturday afternoon.

I waited. Still no show.

I had to borrow 1k from the bank's security guy who saw me sweating on that hot afternoon, to continue the journey.

I asked for the guy's number, thanked him and headed back to the park. He didn't give me his number (or maybe he said he didn't have..cant remember) but he told me anytime I came back, I should just ask of Chris.

I reached Minna 2 hours later...and the first ATM I used worked. I vex withdraw almost all the withdrawable limit for a day. 100k or so then.

On my way back the next day, I was late and rushed straight to the airport as I was almost missing my flight. And the bank was far from the airport side.

I returned the guy's money when next I traveled to Abuja, like 2 months later. Didn't meet him as he was not on duty that day, met his colleague who said he was aware of my incident. I dropped the money and my number for onward delivery to Chris the next day when he came to work.

He called me to say he got the money. I was full of thanks to such person, who didn't know me, and offered to give me 1k. For a person - security guy - whose salary may be just 20k (2009). That's 5% of his salary. Good people still exist in Nigeria.

ademony: wow, this will be interesting. Great move by Jarus. We believe in you and are solely endorsing you... But how many kwarans use Nairaland, let alone Offa residents #nooffense... You have a lotta work to do going back home... Your ancestors' reputation will play a big role.

I never even mentioned it on NL until that post. To show NL didn't have anything to do with it. I have been working at the right places, talking to the right people. Thanks for the advice anyway.

lonelydora: All of you saying "where is Lagos Airport", I am not sure you have travelled outside this country before. You need to travel and see that we are not serious in this country.

Anyone that has traveled to other countries will know we don't have any airport in Nigeria.

iceberylin: ĔЖPĔČŤĔĎ ŤŐ ŚĔĔ ĎÚßÁĨ

Dubai airport is beautiful but not so big.


From that list only CDG Paris and London Heathrow I have used.

UNLEASHED: Where's Qatar on the list? That airport is massive!

Yeah, Doha has got a massive airport. The long walk to your departure (connecting) gate from arrival within the airport is one reason my wife doesn't like us fly Qatar airways with Doha stop-over.