₦airaland Forum

AY is good at imitating people in a funny way not necessarily a good quality for a stand up comedien. As for our movies and home videos, I feel it's hightime we got our own Rotten Tomatoes.

per1:
Where is he
Is he not death,allah.
I know of Jesus's death but lives again
It's He who can conquer death can give life, JESUS CHRIST

Please my brother dont undermine others religion just to promote yours. If you want to preach do so without bile and hate for his religious belief, how do you expect him to listen to you after this hate driven condemnation. Anyways, I know you arent even interested in preaching to him, but be polite and respect his belief.

Ask yourself, what would Jesus do?

Rubbish, I was expecting to see swimming pool, basket ball court/soccer field or game reserve/zoo.

Pathetic

Brother wants to be like his sister and the sister wants to be like her brother.

God abeg let my enemies be congfused as these two wondergful individuals, lol.

A graduate with this kind of English. Op your first problem is English Lang., the second is village wifi (witches wireless connection). Just kidding, hard luck though.

She gave you an easy way out and you are here writing long epistle, anyway do whatever rocks your boat but remember dont come here complaining that your wife cheats on you despite providing for all her needs.

Safe journey man.

If na me do that damage, I go kukuma lie say na bomblast.

All I read was 'David Markus has sacked 120 of his 300 sycophants/praise singers that he pays monthly with Govt money as he no longer has free access to national treasury'.

I stand e.rected..........sorry, corrected.

All I see is one lady going through a process called single hood to marriage. That is from 5 to 1. Ladies you must all go through this transition from 5 to 1.

After una don bench Mikel tire, una come compensate am with one Russian babe. We no go gree, bring back our Mikel b4 we take una serious.
Just kidding.

You wanted to pay the money but you asked the guy anyway expecting him to be a gentleman and pay. Girls, the world's worst hypocrites. You'll shout that men discriminate against you, respect is earned not given freely. Stupid girl.

Any guru in the house? Help my phone refused to use any browser apart from opera mini. I use infinix zero.

To the new girl, as you join hand beat your new boyfriend ex so will your ex team up with his new girlfriend and molest your face and brain, if you have any.
Karma is always exercising to harass and repay.

Madam go do plastic surgery and change your appearance, then arrange a dead body to fake your own death. Go hide in another country and chop the remaining money you stole. If not cancer or ebola, justice must surely fuk you in the face.
Contact me for more details madam, I just want 5 billion dollars for the scheme.

Nemesis and Karma have decided to visit our high thief, sorry high chief with the sole purpose of treating his Bleep ups. Best of luck Raymond.

So the guy deh use his face waka enter house? How did hot water weh de ground reach his face? No be ur leg supposed burn? Guy just admit sey na ur wife bath you shikena.

I have a feeling that those lawmakers vowed to disgrace Fayose the way he disgraced and pursued them out of the state. And to think that most of them lost reelection through his dubious witch hunting.

Life is indeed turn by turn.

The hunter now become the hunted.

Don't worry NBA we will inform PMB that you have finally found your voices after years of been domicile.

Useless organization.

This lawyer is so daft that a dummy will be jealous.

Imagine telling us that the president should talk about ways to tackle GLOBAL WARMING and CRISES IN THE MIDDLE EAST.

Like seriously?

These two points is enough for Nigerian Bar Association to strip him off that wig.

These are problem even America and other world powers couldn't manage talk more of handling or solving.

Guys I believe he just a pained beer parlour lawyer with a brain devoid of storage space and processing power.

He should take a back seat and deal with his loss. GEJ is gone for good and the masses are happy about it.

*so sad for Nigerian lawyers *

Madam remove that head tie and shove it between your upper and lower teeth, go to America and wait for court summons after inauguration. Your lies makes make puke.

See free visa, free flight and free food but the mumu no wan go. Make una come carry me replace the I'd. iiot...

I may believe he rejected the offer which made one fat gospel musician turned political sycophant to be desecrating gospel songs at political rally.

Op can add my own message to that "stop". Like, stop sending me useless messages you Xenophobic fulls.

Congratulations to her. I see her going places.

LewisO:
[color=teal]Lame bashing in there,that isn't bashing.

And i see a girl who says they should leave her just because they want to deliver her from her stupidity.

This comment i circled is a very sensible one! Down ⬇ [/color]

Am with you 106%, that was exhortation. She should come to Nairaland and see the real bashing.
I don't even waste my time with those dumb celebrity worshipers that troop to Linda Ikeji blog, Instagram, Facebook and badoo, their comments lacks substance.

Nairaland guys are foul mouthed, just don't cross their path.

Proudly HERE.

I laughed after reading this, think I should share with you.
Marriage software.
This is what a guy wrote to a Systems Analyst -
(Marriage Software Div); and the reply he got.
Dear Systems Analyst, I am desperate for some help! I
recently upgraded my program from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife
1.0 and found that the new program began unexpected Child
Processing and also took up a lot of space and valuable
resources.
This wasn't mentioned in the product brochure. In addition
Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches
during systems initialization and then it monitors all other
system activities.
Applications such as "Boys' Night out 2.5" and "Golf 5.3" no
longer run, and crashes the system whenever selected.
Attempting to operate selected "Soccer 6.3" always fails and
"Shopping 7.1" runs instead. I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0
in the background whilst attempting to run any of my
favorite applications. Be it online or offline.
I am thinking of going back to "Girlfriend 7.0", but uninstall
doesn't work on this program. Can you please help?
.... The Systems Analyst replied:
Dear Customer,
This is a very common problem resulting from a basic
misunderstanding of the functions of the Wife 1.0 program.
Many customers upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0
thinking that Wife 1.0 is merely a UTILITY AND
ENTERTAINMENT PROGRAM. Actually, Wife 1.0 is an
OPERATING SYSTEM designed by its Creator to run
everything on your current platform.
You are unlikely to be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still
convert back to Girlfriend 7.0, as Wife 1.0 was not designed
to do this and it is impossible to uninstall, delete or purge
the program files from the System once it is installed.
Some people have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0
but have ended up with even more problems. (See manual
under Alimony/Child Support and Solicitors' Fees).
Having Wife 1.0 installed, I recommend you keep it Installed
and deal with the difficulties as best as you can. When any
faults or problems occur, whatever you think has caused
them, you must run the.........
C:\ APOLOGIZE\ FORGIVE ME.EXE Program and avoid
attempting to use the *Esc-Key for it will freeze the entire
system.
It may be necessary to run C:\ APOLOGIZE\ FORGIVE
ME.EXE a number of times, and eventually hope that the
operating system will return to normal.
Wife 1.0, although a very high maintenance programme, can
be very rewarding.
To get the most out of it, consider buying additional
Software such as "Flowers 2.0" and "Chocolates 5.0" or
"HUGS\ KISSES 600.0" or "TENDERNESS\ UNDERSTANDING
1000.0" or even Eating Out Without the Kids 7.2.1" (if Child
processing has already started).
DO NOT under any circumstances install "Secretary
2.1" (Short Skirt Version) or "One Nightstand 3.2" (Any Mood
Version), as this is not a supported Application for Wife 1.0
and the system will almost certainly CRASH.
BEST WISHES!
Yours,
Systems Analyst.
Enjoy this as well!
INSTALLING HUSBAND !!!
A woman writes to the IT Technical support Guy
Dear Tech Support,t
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0
and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system
performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery
applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable
programs, such as
Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed
undesirable programs such as NEWS 5.0, NO MONEY 3.0
and FOOTBALL 4.1.
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6
simply crashes the system.
Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix
these problems, but to no avail.
What can I do?
Signed,
_______ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________
Reply
DEAR Madam,
First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment
Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.
Please enter command: ithoughtyoulove dme. Html and try
to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt
3.0 update.
If that application works as designed, Husband1.0shoul d
then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and
Flowers 3.5..
However, remember, overuse of the above application can
cause Husband 1.0 to default to Silence 2.5 or Beer 6.1.
Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will
download the Snoring Loudly Beta.
Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install
Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that
will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)
In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend
5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will
crash Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does
have limited memory and cannot learn new applications
quickly.
You might consider buying additional software to improve
memory and performance.
We recommend: Cooking 3.0 and Goodlooks 7.7.
Culled from D-Bishop (a.k.a Bruke Bruce Emeriewen )

Op your write up is very funny, I could hear you stutter your way out of humanitarian morality. From this piece, I got some conclusions:,
0p you are either her son, a relative, house help, special adviser, boy, or an aide.
You all need morality check up.

In the Bible, a prophet must deliver his message directly without ambiguity.
But what I see in Nigeria are public opinion prediction experts but I doubt if they are prophet.
A real prophet sees a bad vision and prays it doesn't come to pass but our prophets predict something calling it prophesy, sit back, relax and hope it will come to pass so that people will believe they are true prophets and bring more tithes. Jesus come and expose these criminals.

Asa is trying to tell us say she no be les. bian but two grownup folks are busy dragging their families name in the mud. Sheath your swords and embrace good music without flesh exposures like other nudists... Sorry musicians.

I believe entirely with American position. In fact, they should cast him as the leading actor in the next installment of G.I. Joe and rename the film G.E JO, That one na global film/position na.
Bunch of hypocrites trying to con the man to handover peacefully, wise people they are.

Penboy:
why?

I am unteacherble, wait is that even a word?