₦airaland Forum

A woman is at home, when she hears a knock on the door. She goes to the door and opens it only to see a man standing there, he asks the lady "Do you have a vagina?" She slamed the door in disgust! The next morning she heard a knock at the door, its the same man & he asked the same question........ DO YOU HAVE A VAGINA? She slamed the door again... Later that night she tells her husband, so he tells her, "don't worry darling tomorow we will sort him out.
Next day the husband hears a knock. Tells the wife in a loving way, "u open the door I will stand behind it and you must say yes, I will hear what he is getting at." As she opens the very same man was at the door & he asked, "DO YOU HAVE A VAGINA? The lady said "YES I DO!" Man replied, "Good! Would you mind telling your husband 2 leave my wife alone and start using yours...."

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A woman is at home, when she hears a knock on the door. She goes to the door and opens it only to see a man standing there, he asks the lady "Do you have a vagina?" She slamed the door in disgust! The next morning she heard a knock at the door, its the same man & he asked the same question........ DO YOU HAVE A VAGINA? She slamed the door again... Later that night she tells her husband, so he tells her, "don't worry darling tomorow we will sort him out.
Next day the husband hears a knock. Tells the wife in a loving way, "u open the door I will stand behind it and you must say yes, I will hear what he is getting at." As she opens the very same man was at the door & he asked, "DO YOU HAVE A VAGINA? The lady said "YES I DO!" Man replied, "Good! Would you mind telling your husband 2 leave my wife alone and start using yours...."
What dose she mean?

a-point:
>>> The boss walked into the office one morning not knowing his zipper
>>> was down and his fly area wide open. His personal assistant walked up to him and
>>> said, 'This morning when you left your house, did you close your garage
>>> door?' The boss told her he knew he'd closed the garage door, and
>>> walked
>>> into his office puzzled by the question. As he finished his paperwork, he
>>> suddenly noticed his fly was open, and zipped it up. He then understood
>>> his personal assistant's question about his 'garage door.' He headed out for a
>>> cup of coffee and paused by her desk to ask, 'When my garage door was
>>> open, did you see my Hummer parked in there?'
>>> She smiled and said, 'No, I didn't. All I saw was an old mini van
>>> with two flat tires.

two flat tyrers wat was the colour of d van

Man Rapes His Paralyzed Employer On
Wheelchair
An assistant builder raped a paralysed granny
who is on a wheelchair after she spurned his
advances for s*x, a Zimbabwe magistrate has
heard.
Francis Franco, 36, allegedly demanded s*x from
the woman before forcibly raping her. He
appeared before the magistate court on rape
charges yesterday.
The court heard that Franco, who was employed
at the 61-year-old woman’s house as an assistant
builder, went to the granny’s place in November
last year and found her sleeping. Franco allegedly
demanded sex but the woman refused.
Prosecutor told the court that Franco increased
the television’s volume, approached the woman
who was seated in a wheelchair, forcibly
removed her skirt before raping her.
According to the prosecution, the woman tried to
scream but to no avail as she was not feeling
well. After the act, the court heard, Franco put on
his clothes and left the house.
The woman later narrated her ordeal to a woman
only identified as Mai Bellah who filed a police
report leading to Franco’s arrest. Franco was
remanded in custody until January 23 for trial.
Source newspoint.net/?p=1413

THIS IS FOR YOU LADIES
You can laugh but one day you
will remember my words

1. When you are busy bragging
about dating a doctor, girls of
your age are busy enrolling at
Universities to become doctors.

2. When you are busy bragging
that you were driving your
boyfriend's car, girls of your age
are busy looking for the best
dealer in town to buy a car with
their own money.

3. When you are busy bragging
about the corner office of your
boyfriend, girls of your age are
busy developing business plan to
start their own businesses.

NB: Your boyfriend's money is never your own, Success is not
sexually transmitted, nor is wisdom and qualifications.¬¬thank u

OKON: I saw a strap of your bra.
TEACHER: Okon Get out! No class for you for a
week!
[Another Boy laughs]
TEACHER: Why did you laugh?
BOY: I saw both straps of d bra.
TEACHER: Get out! No class for you for 1 month!
[Teacher bends down to pick chalk & Akpos
started walking
out]
TEACHER: Akpos, why are you going out?
AKPOS: What I saw just now, Ithink my school
days are over!

U leave ur office say u dey go 4 lunch u branch mama put u come update ur bbm status with “@ Mr.Bigs”who u dey deceive are u a learner

What is happened will u called me b4 nw..!!!

They two of you should stand together apart...m!!!

AKPORS CLASS.

The new Principal was walkin around the school
compound to inspect it.
He was passing along Akpors class when he
heared everybody in d class chorusing Words
and Particle after their teacher. He was impressed so he decided to check them
out. The Principal entered.

Class: Good afternoon to u sir. God bless.

Principal: what class is this?

Class: js 3F sir.

Principal:what is the topic u are treatin?

Class: Word Particle sir.

Principal: thats gud, am impress.
akpors their Teacher stood aside smilin.

Class: thank u sir.

Principal: i will like to further test u.

Class: No problem sir.

Principal: ok, lets start.
Up......

Class: up uper upest

Principal: short

Class:short shorter shortest

Principal: good

Class: good, gooder, goodest.

Principal: Thats wrong

Class: thats wrong, thats wronger, dats wrongest.

Principal: what?

Class: what, whater, whatest.

Principal: shut up

Class: shut up, shut uper, shut upest.

Principal: na wao

Class: na wao, na waoer, na waoest.

Principal: what kind of class is dis?

Class: what kind of class is this, what kind of class
is diser, what kind of class is disest.

Principal: teacher are u lukin at them?

Class: teacher ar u lukin at them, teacher ar u
lukin at themer, teacher ar u lukin at themest.

Principal: am out abeg.

Class: am out abeg, am out abeger, am out abegest.

Teacher: lol

Class: lol loler lolest.

Principal fainted

All this noise makers shot up please na jealousy dey worry una ahah wich social network that dose nt have members wit multiple account if u like creat a million plus accounts it show that u love nairaland n u r addicted to just incase u get banned so y r u guys shouting....!!!let go there one million users

A distinguished young woman on a flight from
Ireland asked the Priest
beside her:

Woman: "Father, may I ask a favor?"

Priest: "Of course. What may I do for you?

" Woman: "Well, I bought an expensive woman's
electronic hair dryer for my
mother's birthday that is unopened and well over
the Customs limits, and I'm afraid they'll
confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it
through Customs for me.......... Under your robe
perhaps?"

Priest: "I would love to help you, dear, but I must
warn you: I will not lie."

Woman: "With your honest face, Father, no one
will question you." When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her.

Custom Officer: "Father, do you have anything to
declare?"

Priest: "From the top of my head down to my
waist, I have nothing to
declare." The official thought this answer strange, so asked,

Custom Officer: "And what do you have to
declare from your waist to the
floor?"

Priest: "I have a marvelous instrument designed
to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused."

Custom Officer: (Roaring with laughter, said) "Go
ahead, Father." Next!

AKPORS VS TEACHER

Teacher: what is a verb
Akpors: a verb is a web find in a spider web.
Teacher: What ar u saying?
Akpors: it is a complete sentence sir.
Teacher: are u mad?
Akpors: it is a question sir.
Teacher: dont be stupid.
Akpors:it is an advice sir.
Teacher:stop that nonsence.
Akpors: it is a command sir.
Teacher: you are an idiot.
Akpors: it is an insult sir.
Teacher: get out of my class.
Akpors: its an order sir.
Teacher: oh, goodness, what a boy.
Akpors: it is an exclamation sir.
Teacher: may God have mercy on you.
Akpors: it is a prayer sir.

.
.
.
What will u do if u where the teacher

Mama Akpors was beating her son Akpors for
stealing. After thoroughly beating him, she
asked; Akpors do you know where your
stealing will take you?
Akpors said yes, I know.
Surprised, the mother asked where?

And Akpors replied ;

National Assembly.

Lol

Akpors last week moved with his wife to
Victoria Island, Lagos.
A thief came to his house one night and
threatened to inject him with blood
containing the HIV virus if he didn't drop
all the money he collected from the bank
the day before.
Akpors: Are you going
to leave me with the
money if I allow you to inject me with
the HIV virus?
The Thief: I will not collect the
money and I
will leave you.
On hearing this, he told the thief to give
him 2 minutes and he went to the toilet.
When he
came back from the toilet, he asked the
thief
to inject him with the HIV virus. The
frustrated thief injected him with the HIV virus and left immediately.
Immediately the thief left, the wife
became
hysterical

The Wife: What the hell did you
just do?

Akpors: Don't mind the silly thief, he
doesn't
know that I put on a condom the other
time
I went to the toilet.

Akpos interview
OFFICER:- what is your name?
AKPORS:- M.P sir
OFFICER:- tell me properly!
AKPORS:- Michael Peter sir
OFFICER:- your father's name?
AKPORS:- M.P sir
OFFICER:- what does that mean?
AKPORS:- Moses Peter sir
OFFICER:- your native place?
... AKPORS: M.P sir
OFFICER:- is it Makurdi Purum?
AKPORS:- No, Minna Port sir
OFFICER:- what is your qualification?
AKPORS:- M.P sir
OFFICER:- (angry) what is it?!
AKPORS:- Metric Pass
OFFICER:- so why do you need a job?
AKPORS:- M.P sir
OFFICER: meaning?
AKPORS:- Money Problem sir
OFFICER:- what is your personality?
AKPORS:- M.P sir
OFFICER:- would you explain urself and stop wasting my time?
AKPORS:- Monacrotic Personality
OFFICER:- I see... I will get back to you.
AKPORS:- sir, how's my M.P?
OFFICER:- and what's that again?
AKPORS:- My Performance.
OFFICER:- M.P !
AKPORS:- m.e.a.n.i.n.g?
OFFICER:- Mental Problem!!!=))=D ­ :

o'boy:
this is not funny

I tink so also.

Smhw funny

Is this a joke hmmmmmmm wat was I thinking...LOL(I don't mean lucifer our savior)

It a funny fact y women don't go toasting
It a very simple thing because they can't crack jokes n are usually unfunny that y the more a guy can crack jokes the more he gains his woman heart
Come to think of it I have never seen a female post a joke on NL.
I have neva heard or seen a female comedian....!!!
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No offense it just a joke just give me a smile...m!

Just passing by!

Tempting

Closed thread for u because u don't have the to open it cn I say u nt intellectually sound....na joke!!!

We only hear the news of them getting arrest but the story of how they are being punished are not released because after the are arrested their God fathers/sponsors just make a phone call n they are being realized from where they are taken to they should stop all this drama.....!!!

~Bluetooth:
What do you expect when the president has bought their conscience with money.

[img]http://www.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQkgYFX1SOJTNO7eMIdPtWDRbyMyyoeeceiDN_NLhWGrSIZoSoZvSeKAw[/img]

why do u say such even dis man speaking I mean tunde bakare is speaking pure political like it or nt he n cpc has a vision for 2015 it is political so cut d crap d church is nt meant for saints more over christ came for sinners nt for ppl like u if I am correcr....!!!show me a man without sin and I will prove to you that u already a sinner....!!!

ijebabe: What is this?

help me ask dis joke cn only spoils sm1 mood I dey vex...

Ur bf na electrician n ur name na olatobosi n because u c one high class babe u deny ur bf n change ur name 2 patricia #God dey c u o

Some types wat u r doin on dis thread n u press like 2 cover up #Godiswatching u

Okiki_Oluwa: Can't rmber when last I saw dem. Maybe around June.

maybe explosions took place @ d parking space @ nyt n it was not reported on news or he borrowed dem 4rm china just 2 calm nigerians down who knows.....vry funny government

May God grant d family d fortitude to bare d loss.....Amen

Naija 4 u o don't trust them o

Abdul Adam56: Bullet proof nd bomb protector

he is nt from d north lik u hahaha...

d_truth: I wonder why some pple still tags wat this man says as 'PROPHECY'.

d question we need to ask ourselves is;
wat is prophecy?, and wo is a prophet?....
for clerity purpose, prophecy is the ability to know, foresee, and predict tomorow.
and a prophet is someone who has the ability to knw and foresee wat will hapen tomorow and stop it from hapening.

In terms of prediction, a genuine prophet only predicts good things that is to come, and not the bad once.
but in the case of this man, the reverse is the case. he foresees that someting bad wil hapen and predicts it, and it ends up coming to pass.
then some mental reterdent christians wil stil celebrate and give him credit for predicting somting bad and not being able to stop it.....
(pls knw d_truth)

you ppl who criticize dis man hav 4gotten dat eligah was also a prophet dat decleared famine in isreal did it come to pass u fools instead of praying 4 mercy u kip criticizing men of God forgetting dat judgment is of God n not man.