₦airaland Forum

Courageous I must say but at 21? Are you sure you are done exploring, ready to quit thinking about just your goals, prepared to seek someone else's opinion before taking important decisions which ordinarily you would have done alone, ready to have kids and probably loose some of those figure 8 tin(lol), cut contacts with some of your friends which is inevitable, be more considerate, lots of questions that begs answers. I pray you find what you seek here or somewhere else... Your boldness even makes the prospect more appealing but for the age difference...good luck

unmask:
It is perfectly normal...... marriage is one of society's creation used to define normal. However, it is perfectly normal for anyone not to want to get married or put another way "pressured" to get married.

Look at it this way. Marriage is meant to enhance your life right? But if at any point in time you weigh the pros and cons of marriage and the cons outweigh the pros, then why should you get married or want to get married?

As it stands there are very few people in this country that have been able to rise above the "I must marry" mentality and you being one of them I say congrats.....you have taken charge of one personal choice society always feel they have a right to dictate.

Can you say this same thing to your sisters if you have any? Be sincere.

I keenly observed most people on this forum raining insults on dino but come to think of it even the holy book prophesied that many will still treat iasues like this with little or no importance. I also noticed how much everyone wants this Coronavirus issue to end and we go back to living our normal lives without actually asking ourselves salient questions like if this was actually a sign of even greater things to come. In all my years on earth, I've never heard of a total lockdown round the globe, believe it or not, this calls for some sober reflection. Dino may be right or wrong or even an attention seeker but fellas there's definitely an atom of truth in all of this cos I see no reason why such an issue should generate so much controversy if it was trivial. There's more to this than meets the eye, let's brace up for more revelations in the coming weeks,months and years... I ain't a preacher but i guess the Bible is right afterall, Christians should wake up and talk more of rapture. We may just have few decades left....

If I understood your write up clearly, He initially gave his consent and all of a sudden will not want you to marry the said girl,this says a lot about this your friend. I think it's high time you went solo on your business plans cos if you go on and marry the girl,the inevitable is bound to happen(bad blood between you two)....The more reason pleasure and business should not be mixed. I understand in this case you found love here which isn't entirely your fault but you gotta pick one and move on. Saying he's fighting spiritual battles is just a baseless excuse to discourage you from going ahead with your plans..stay ten steps ahead and never reaveal much of ur plans to this your friend going forward.

Don't go looking for love bro, let love find you.. sometimes you find what you seek in the unlikeliest of places...Be open, make more friends, have fun, go out more often.... Don't always start up with the mindset that you desperately need to find love, start up on a platonic note, i mean friendship level cos by so doing you not only find love but true friends who make up for the emptiness you feel inside...Lastly work more on yourself, women are attracted to men who let out an inspiring aura, it holds them spell bound..

Guys stop all these...we are in perilous times and this is what you could come up with...if you wanna help someone, do so without making much of a fuss...

blackpanthar:
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Importation
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these I can share for free... 24hrs limit

Interested....

The reason is not far fetched, most ladies see relationship as a means to escape misery and poverty...cars ur parents never drove you want to be seen in without putting in hardwork. Who even says ladies can't make their own money? I have huge respect for women who work and actually pay their own bills without asking, believe me I always take it up from there and do it without blinking...

proclinician:
Don't be lazy. Black people never willing to work. Use that phone in ur hand and start digging. He gave u a woman now and he has to get her pregnant for you. Why are Africans like this? Yet we complain of being very poor and miserable. When my friend told me about fiverr on the phone after a 38 secs conversation he didn't know i created account immediately i ended that call.

Everything from beginning to end till the account started to roll in money i did for myself and he is not aware. because of the complex nature of the system he was expecting me to carry my laptop and be coming to his house to learn fiverr. When i got my first order client just dropped topic for me to write and asked if i could. Iimmediately i saw the topic i already started writing. I wrote 4 articles 500 words each. And sent to him. He was shocked he said he didn't ask me to write anything we didn't talk about price, duration, anything and i didn't send a custom offer to begin with. I apologised and said i was new to this platform i have no idea. He said okay but he has gotten the papers from another person but still went to pay me 10$ for the things i wrote and gave me review. I took it and smiled.

I was willing to get myself away from poverty in my 6-7th year in the uni and there was no obstacle that could stop the firm resolve of a determined soul. When the guy that told me about fiverr on the phone found out i have already made my first 1m he started calling me guru. Today i have a medical degree, i get job requests everyday but i am selective i can't take any job offer of less than 200k a month. I work from home i make about 300k plus a month. It was all about hard work and being willing to get the hands dirty.

Can u enlighten me a lil bit more about this? Seriously looking for side hustles, this 30 day stipends don't make men wealthy...just pm'd U...

ikelords:
If you are from Ngwa land kindly say it, let me engage you with facts why I said ngwa people are callous, extortionist and vile . No regrets saying this bro.

Who established your personal experience with a few persons as facts that would make you term a whole group as vile and extortionists....The fact Hitler and some few Germans were callous, has that stopped our sorry asses from seeking for greener pastures in Germany?I understand you may have been hurt by that personal experience you had with a few of them, but you should know better than to speak of an ethnic nationality in such manner...peace bro..

ikelords:
From my personal experience with ngwa people, these people are extortionist, callous and greedy set of people, if you meet them for the first time they pretend to be nice and cool, they know how to impress visitors who are getting to know them for the first time, but as you deal further with them they show you their true colour. The Ngwa people see outsiders as potential avenue to extort money from and if you dont yeild to their demand they will look for a way to frustrate you. In a nut shell am not saying the girl you are marrying is bad, but you see her background and her extended are what you should try and look at critically. An average family in ngwa land is always at war with themselves, these kids born there grow up with that mindset of living and creating family crisis wherever they find themselves. I want to warn you, whatever you accept to do from today as a form a marriage rite, ensure you do it to the later, but if you stand your feet on the ground as a man and uphold you norm and values which you know is right , you have started creating an impression on how your inlaws should perceive you. I hope this helps.

You must be born in the 1900s to hold such a distorted view about a set of people...I wonder what kinda kids we breed these days, no decorum...you come on a public forum and talk in such manner about a people...SMH...how many of them have you met to arrive at such a myopic conclusion....It hurts to know that gullible peeps who have never come in contact with the ngwas will take this submission to heart.... We've totally lost it... I've met and lived with them, like it goes for all races and tribes, there are always bad eggs but they are lovely people...have a few Ngwa friends too....

Only a few will say amen to this...�

See this clown...you have no moral justification whatsoever to feel cheated on. You were busy having the time of your life with other women and neglected her, what did you expect her to do? Become a nun overnight after you've broken her hymen...If you were a kid, I would have given U a knock ....U were even lucky she opened up to U which I'm sure only one in ten Nigerian girls will do....keep contemplating about marrying her till a more deserving guy steps in.....nonsense

Biafrareform:
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I believed we all have past. Even myself have got a past. Same as you .

I believe everyone deserves a chance . A willing heart ready to change though.

And I also believed no one is perfect . The only bad girl out there is the one you have discovered her past .
There are many who we see as good , but undiscovered bad side .

It's a past when U quit living in it and decide you wanna lead a better life in the present...What you call a past is ur girlfriend chatting with a married man she dated and tell you they are just friends? I'm beginning to think you're the one fighting for this relationship cos you're not doing something right or probably you goofed in the past and wanna make things right again.... Don't come back here and bore us with some epistle of how she cheated in marriage cos obviously u saw the signs...best of luck anyways

If I were to understand you, you are feeling bad u snooped on ur girlfriends phone and discovered all this...wow! I would be damned if I find out my girlfriend ever dated a married man and didn't call it quits instantly....Little wonder why crazy things keep happening in this world now, we now do things our forefathers would frown at in disdain without remorse these days....imagine the effrontery telling U that U went too far, a girl u wanna marry and she knows u have good intentions. Young Man pick urself up and stop whining like a baby, what makes u think she will cut ties with this married man after marriage, she would just upgrade the oga to a family friend(benefactor) asap, leaving gullible U believing he's just a nice man...Our young men and woman have totally lost it, I'm scared what our progenies would become...

Clinghton:
Be a good man, but bad on bed

Exactly broda....be purpose driven, focused and well groomed,U see them drooling over U but to keep them u gotta be one hell of a pro in bed ..

And they say women love bad boys! Very stupid stereotype...loool....Truth is no right thinking,smart,hard working woman that knows her priorities would wanna invest her time and emotions in an unserious fellow...U just lost a good woman, steer clear b4 u complicate issues further...wish U da best going forward and I pray U don't loose diamond while chasing glitter next time... peace!

For heaven's sake you shouldn't ring someone more than twice except it's an emergency....courtesy demands you call someone twice and that's it, If he/she is polite enough to call back, fine and if not u just move on....Am fuckin sick and tired of guys virtually begging for attention. Nobody takes you serious if u bug their phones like one jobless slowpoke...

Riele:
And the table there is some Nairaland males net worth .

Very unnecessary.... Wonder if we still have mature ladies on nairaland anymore...utterly disappointed.

No need feeling guilty or having second thoughts...am not of the school of thought that say U will love him in time...You don't jus feel the connection, good you're being true to urself...He may feel betrayed or broken, but I would rather be with someone I love not someone I feel some form of pity for... It's obvious you were coerced into considering him by pals...Good decision gurl, but next time do not be in a hurry to get him laid, that's where I fault U cos u just heightened his hopes(if genuine) of actually building something with U. Nevertheless, stand ur ground and make him understand u feel absolutely natin 4 him. If dude has some self worth, he would move on.

Loool..guys chill...some women are worth celebrating with...no be all be leeches...the responses though�

[quote author=Ariza post=85733400]The older the better.

From my observations guys who are 30 years and above are more mature, composed and serious. At this age,most are ready if not desperate to marry, have a family, a home and a life unlike the young ones below 30 who are roaming about the streets with their pencil trousers hustling for pussy and hawking red pills online. So yes! The older the better.[/quote )
Funny but true....I jus feel certain levels of maturity comes with age..no two ways about it.

I wouldn't join the bandwagon that would come out here and criticize all single mums. Some are beautiful in and out, motivated and can make good partners..your case is one out of many,it just didn't work out for reasons best known to you, so give her the money and let the lady be...Enough of this single mum this ,single mum that...

Having a high libido doesn't necessarily mean one is promiscuous. If she's a good lady and posseses the qualities u jus mentioned,bro keep her but find a way to strike a balance...U could try engaging her in other time consuming side hustles that requires both physical and mental input but fun,that way she wouldn't have all the time in the world to demand sex. Good women are scarce my G ,so if U find one keep her biko..

IyaTola:
I remember when my Ex ended the relationship with me, I was so devastated. I got so much heartbroken, I felt so much betrayed when he hooked up with a new girl immediately, I felt so used, I hated love, I swore never to love again, I fell sick, I skipped eating food for some good days, I reduced in my size, I felt like I wasn't fitting in my friends who were a couple, and I asked myself a lot of questions like, why does it have to be me being heartbroken all the time, why quitting me, why forgetting all what we had gone through in just minutes, why not applying the lessons I had learnt in the past breakups I had experienced and many other related questions. .
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But one morning when I rose up from a sleepless, thoughtful and a tearful night, I asked myself why I was hurting, crying and skipping food for the past days. I realized that there was nothing so big to worry and cry for. He was a just a stranger that I met and he made me develop love feelings and then he had to leave. I had not lost my son, not a brother and not a relative. Just "some guy." I was suffering for nothing.
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It looked like it was my loss at that jiffy but in real sense it was hes. He had lost someone who truly loved him that he will never find again. . Since then I realized that spending all my time thinking about him, reminiscing about the happy moments we had shared, the future plans we had set, and being miserable was a waste of my precious time. I had to stop my tears and my thoughts and came back to my normal senses. I then diverted that time and my attention to other productive things like my family, my dreams, my school, and my portraits. .
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That's where my healing process started from. I realized that he was just a page in my book of life. Meaning I only needed the courage to close it and open a new one. It wasn’t easy for me. It took me some time but I made. At first when I used to look at his status, photos and online flirting with his new girl it would hurt me deeply but after a month they could do nothing to me. I could find them in my news feed and don't feel anything at all.
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Yeah, it’s never easy to get over someone you truly loved so much but once you do it. It’s the best decision ever. Never think that you will never heal from that break up. You will. It’s just a matter of time, courage and effort. Never think you won’t love again. You will when the right time comes and you will be the happiest person ever!

Wow! So touching..you must av put in ur all to make it work I guess...av been there, so I understand.. stay strong swthrt, u will meet ur prince charming soon, who would appreciate U for just who U are...

Offpoint:
That's very heartless and inconsiderate of your friend. How can someone spent over 22k on you on your birthday and when it's your time to reciprocate you repaid her by blocking her?

What happened to explaining to her politely that you can't afford her demands?
What if she was mainly testing him?

He should have at least get her something worth the 22k she had spent on him.

Guys if you want to breakup with you partners, have dignity of politely letting your partners know than ghosting them. it's childish.

On behalf of classic, sensible and mature men like me... we condemn the attitude of your friend in totality.

The mature men societies will not tolerate such an attitude from anyone who had the private to carry penis inbetween his legs.

Apologies to the lady in question, we apologize for the misconduct of our junior members.

Can't stop laffin at this....painful and disappointing I agree but he should av atleast told her the reason he is actually blacklisting her...U never can tell, she might actually feel remorseful and take correction...The thing is this entitlement mentality has eaten deep into the marrows of some naija ladies to the extent they now lack decorum...I feel ur pain@OP but do not 4get she's just one lady who may have lived this life too long to think it's the norm...subsequently, call them to order before bidding goodbye.Let's rid the world of vices

BigJoe19:
If this story is true, I know it can never be from the active and popular female nairalanders, because the comments we see from active female nairalanders is nothing but disappointment.

Do not be in a haste to conclude...They are here on nairaland..Forget these ones claiming feminists online, they are lovable creatures outside these forum

It takes some level of maturity to put forth such submissions and not exonerate urself of all blames...In short I'm so proud of you. Trust me bro, U will find a lady of such ilk soon. The problem with most guys on nairaland is this so called fallacy of generalization prolly due to bitter experiences in retrospect. I'm still of the opinion that there exists good Nigerian ladies albeit in very limited quantity, all we have to do is just keep our options open. Thanks for the piece,quite enlightening.

One of the select few on nairaland who actually have common sense....The message should not be about hating women unnecessarily but understanding a simple fact- life is in stages...A man should learn to prioritise, everyone should not be in a relationship cos it's both time and money consuming...there's time for everything, u shouldn't use the time and energy meant for hustling to attain financial stability to go about chasing women, who in the long run will leave ur hearts shattered..Let he that hath an ear hearken diligently to the words of wisdom.

internationalman:
worked like magic when i once used it on my shakara girlfriend....

and i made sure i used a profile picture more beautiful than my girl's own..

i lay the phone where she could have easy access to it and she did and read the chat i orchestrated thinking i didn't know she saw it as she refused to confront me with it..

i made sure to make it look like the girl was begging me to leave my girl to date her...but since i knew my girl was gonna view it, in the chat i reiterated how much i loved my girl and how i could never leave her for anyone...


my guy you need to see the love this girl was showing me afterwards en.

if you want to be successfull with ladies you have to be manipulative as well

All these for a woman's love? I really don't wanna judge how old you are with this comment but I would advise you put all of those efforts into making more money and being a beta version of urself and see her chase U around...women naturally are endeared to men who can provide security in all ramifications but fail to understand one thing- tables can turn sometimes in life and that's where true love and virtue come into play...To the OP keep striving, someday believe me U would overcome...

Enough of this 'men are scum nonsense'.... The fact U keep meeting and giving ur hearts to these set of men doesn't mean we all fall into the same category...There are still men with their brains intact, principled and who have an enviable scale of preference....To the op, I feel pity for U honestly, U got it wrong when U started giving him money without the relationship having a defined direction first,seems you're desperate to find love...I would advise U let go cos you know the inevitable.... There's always a man for every woman.When the right man comes, believe me you won't seek anyone's validation b4 giving him ur all...