₦airaland Forum

Noniblaq:
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Do you have office shifts...like plain or two color?

FalseProphet1:
Yesterday is a day I'll never forget in my life.

Upon the request of a member, I visited him and his family. His wife prepared vegetable soup, I ate to my satisfaction and we had a very good gist.

After some minutes, I felt the urge to defecate, and he directed me to the restroom. I got in, locked the door, removed my trouser and boxers and hung them up, used a piece to toilet paper to clean the toilet seat, then balanced to get rid of the shit.

This is where the problem started. As I pushed for it to come out, I felt a very sharp pain in my anus. My stool was very dry and hard. I pushed and pushed like a woman in labour and the pain increased.

At some point, the stool got stock in my anus. And despite the fact that I pushed with all my strength, it refused to fully come out. I couldn't breathe again, I let out a faint noise of "ahhhhh" I thought I was going to die. I thought about my life, all the girls I've slept with, all the prophecies I've given, my goals and visions, my dream of building a mega auditorium...But what would they write on my obituary I said to myself, that I was killed by shit. No way. I decided to be a man and push that demonic stool out .

I took a deep breath and resumed my pushing, the pain was horrible, I called on the host of heaven to come to my aid. I started imagining how girls that engage in anal sex do it because it would definitely be painful.

To cut the long story, God gave me victory and I pushed it out of my anus. I regretted not coming with my bell, I would have rang it right there in the toilet for 1 hour to celebrate my victory.

Then the second phase of the problem began. the shit refused to flush. I was there in the toilet stuck for almost 1 hour flushing the useless stubborn shit. As God would have it, I remembered that I saw a red bucket on the corridor. I quickly opened the door, grabbed the bucket, filled it with water and flushed. And the shit was defeated, I could heart it struggling in the pipe as it descended to the suck away, but it had already lost the battle.

I put on my clothes and joined the family in the living room, feeling refreshed and happy.

Truly that was a close call with death. I'm happy I survived it.

This I have seen.

Bro, this thing you casually narrated is no joke at all. As I type this, I am currently in severe pain from my toilet experience yesterday.
They said "avoid carbs"
Wetin I wan come dey chop?

helinues:
Toh

So in M.I, a piece of land dispute led to one of the community to first involved army( dirty army), the real army came for peace talk and was mistaken for the dirty one.

The land tussle which could have been taken to court for amicable settlement, but instead they resort into killing each other.

2 community from probably same local government, definitely same state.

Fishes are not on top of mountains my dear

Wetin M.I do you my bro?

FLYFIRE:
These same soldiers have never gone after the fulanis for killing thousands of people in Plateau & Benue states but will always jump on the SS & SE.

You are missing the point sir. This is a different ball game, the attackers killed 22 soldiers including a Major and Captain.

God1000:
But why are Nigerian women behaving behaving like that

You hardly hear such thing about women in other countries.

Men need to wise up, I don't like hearing such sad stories which some people try to justify and rationalize.

My brother, it's not peculiar to Nigerian women. It's an individual choice/problem, not an ethnic or national one

jumokeadele:
what do we ship back into these containers

Great question ❓

UrPapa:
They are afraid of our success that’s why they are destroying our shops

Haba bros, calm down

Danishguy:
You could have went for another moniker, No?

Lol

rhymesnoni:
First is some Departments in CBN now its FAAN with no tangible reason (s) Next is relocating Defence Headquater to Abuja..

Baba Tinubu dey do ooo, we the Northerners know the game plan... we are solidly planning against 2027 already..

The FAAN headquarters had always been in Lagos prior to 2020...reason being that Lagos is the aviation hub of Nigeria. So the new minister made it clear right from assumption of office, he would transfer back to Lagos

Aonkuuse:
Oh politicians, which one is "I don’t need government money but will rather add to it??” abeg go and sit down jare.... In recent times, even traditional rulers have started joining the corrupt rulling class, the traditional rulling system should be redefined or be scrapped

My brother, the traditional ruling system has always been tainted with corruption, even since pre-colonial times. The only difference now is that they are no longer at the top table

thesicilian:
Brains can most often triumph over brute strength.

Dey play

Nwaotu10:
Which one is "Mucher" again


Employing meaningless terms in a sentence under the guise of poetic license may weaken the intended effect and cloud the communication.

Insisting on "Mucher" with poetic license is like playing a musical note out of tune and defending it as artistic flair. While creative freedom is embraced, maintaining coherence is pivotal to convey a message that resonates.

Impressive

Cuntface:
Nairaland moderators are complete joke

Mr. Seun, your moderators has connived with and NLPoliceWoman to unjustly ban people's accounts

is the same person as NLPoliceWoman, why have you not blocked him for using alternate accounts??

This site will meet its end soon if nothing is done about this menace

Be calming down nao 😂

Padipadi:
I don't know Fidelity Bank. For now, opay and palmpay are better than them.
Since we survived the war of Emefiele, no bank has good internet transactions like opay and palmpay. Our prayers are for them to not carry our money disappear one morning. If not, them suppose don dey operate virtual sotey them go get branches with sexy cashiers nationwide. And you can imagine how pretty their staff ll be if their services are so good so far. Unlike those menopause face looking ladies in Union Bank.

No bank, not even GTBank or First Bank has good internet banking services.
Rather, one of the old generation banks became miserable, am talking about Zenith Bank. Their life's spoiling daily.
Access Bank on its own ll do good today and bad tomorrow.
The last time I used a UBA Bank in my locality, the female staff there were most late 30s and 40something year old over stressed no makeup, smelly hair looking cashiers that are too sluggish to work. I tire for all of them.
Infact, which bank is the best?
I don't know.

Lol.... weyrey

Agbanasm:
How I wish, Nigeria especially Government patronize our own products

Are you talking about Innoson bro? The government patronizes and supports Innoson...but of course, it is a competitive market and you'd expect they buy from other producers too

TemplarLandry:
I don't follow the show anyway.
I'd rather do something productive instead.

It's your opinion...nobody cares. Nobody forced you to watch

mbahdi:
They are all useless

But you keep following the program

[quote author=mbahdi post=125243769]They are all useless[/quote
Yes they are...but you keep following up the program

Enemyofpeace:
He is just 5 years older than seun

Haha

TAYO124:
The rise of Aliko D. Is a testament to what is wrong with Nigeria. How can a single individual be the monopoly in production of
Essential commodities like salt, sugar, cement. Many policies of govt are even made to favor him. Now this is not the correct manner to run a capitalist economy.

Monopoly is when only a single firm is legally allowed to carry out production of a commodity. Other firms produce or sell the same products, he just happens to do his on a bigger scale and that's no monopoly

ThompsonJoo:
The student needs this on FP to draw the state government's attention. This hardship is way too much.

The NDDC abandoned hostel project has been marked completed by the NDDC since 2006 but yet the place has not been completed. bags of unused cement over 700 have caked, some machines already rusted are on the site

The student of medicine even appealed okay upon payment of this money to allow us to stay in the hostel for free for a particular period but the authority refused to say upon completion student will have to still pay for the accommodation.

The State Government, Ministries, TETFUNd, NDDC, and other concerned alumni of the institution should intervene.

Am I the only one who thinks the headline is misleading? "Student asked to build hostel"...as in just one student?

Mooh247:



Wetin we do this crazy endtime people sef....

China and America gave us covid 19 that almost crippled all of our economy and killing many prominent people

Now Russia and Ukraine wants to Nuke the world

If the West and America truly love Ukrainians as they claim, they should either send in trained forces to fight with Ukrainian soldiers or they should call for a peace dialogue between the two countries... Sending weapons to civilian to battle Russian forces is suicidal, also relying on sanctions while people die daily is fruitless



Countries like Russia, Cuba , Iran , Chinaand Northkorea runs a fortress economy and are used to sanctions..

It was like when EU and USA sanctioned Nigeria during Abacha regime, soon Nigerians became creative.. we refined our own crude oil, sold our crude oil through private individuals at international market, laundered money internationally, we replaced Foreign rice with local rice and white maize, used saw dust as cooking gas, drank cold zobo and kunu instead of Coke and Fanta, we watched NTA network news instead of CNN, we enjoyed Local league matches like Enyimba vs Shootings Star instead of English Premiership match

The West and America also sanctioned Goodluck Jonathan for rejecting Gays and Lesbians, and blocked all Arms deal to Nigeria in the heat of Boko Haram crisis, Jonathan still sourced weapons in South Africa using Pastor Ayo Oristejefor's private jet as cargo plane




.

This is both informative and hilarious

Akwamkpuruamu:
For those confused about the ongoing war between Russia and Ukraine, and by extension NATO.
— Russia represents a polygamous husband with many wives like Ukraine, Moldova, Estonia, Latvia, Lithuania, Belorussia, and the other Ex-Soviet Republics.
— In 1991, Ukraine being the most beautiful wife, demanded a divorce from her draconian husband.
— Russia grudgingly allowed her, but due to his toxicity and ego, he would rather see her remain single, subservient, and dependent.
— As a dynamic lady, Ukraine rapidly developed herself into one of the most beautiful women after the divorce.
— To the chagrin of Russia, Ukraine, his ex-wife, becomes a center of attraction wanted by other men, including his foe, NATO.
—Ukraine’s pulchritude and natural endowment earn her recognition from NATO—a counterpart to Russia.
—The relationship between NATO and Ukraine started growing at an alarming pace, unsettling the nerves of the ex-husband, Russia.
— As expected of a toxic narcissist, Russia went berserk. He insisted that a relationship between Ukraine and NATO will breed conspiratorial connivance, which poses a more significant threat to the masculinity and ego of Russia.
— NATO, a polygamist like Russia, is a liberal. His wives include the U.K., U.S., Greece, Germany, Spain, and many more.
— To NATO, the addition of Ukraine to his fleet of wives makes him more powerful and gives him an upper hand ahead of Russia.
— To Russia, NATO, and Ukraine’s marriage poses a grandiose threat to his territory. Therefore, he is committed to ensuring the relationship never happens.
— In his quest to truncate this relationship, Russia wants to reconstitute his past relationship; he is a nationalist, a fascist in the mode of Adolf Hitler.
— As a result of this, he abruptly barged into his unsuspecting ex-wife’s house a few days ago.
— The unwanted guest is currently holding her hostage, surrounding her house with hundreds of _dongaris_.
— NATO, at the moment, is scrambling for how best to rescue his new wife from her abusive ex.
— Russia had warned that anyone who interferes as he gobbles Ukraine would suffer consequences that they did not dream possible; that is, he has nuclear weapons to eviscerate even those who know nothing about his strained relationship with his ex.
—Right now, Ukraine is stuck between an abusive ex-husband and a new lover who has promised her the most exquisite things in the world.
— The world is perturbed as they watch this dispute in awe and fear.
— The rescue mission, if haphazardly planned, may likely boomerang into an all-out war between the two suitors and their friends.
— NATO, a businessman (Capitalist) and the controller of the G7, has threatened to impose severe sanctions against Russia if he fails to withdraw his _Dongaris_ from Ukraine's premises.
— The G7 are the big guys around. They include the U.S., U.K., Canada, EU, Italy, Japan, France, and Germany. An affiliation with these guys is lucrative, capable of catapulting any country to booming affluence.
— The essence of these sanctions is that these big guys will ghost Russia and cut every tie with him in an attempt to humble him “economically.”

*How is Africa connected to this conflict?*
— Africa should be worried about one thing, her economy.
— Economically, Africa and the rest of the world will be significantly affected should a war break out in Europe.
— The world is yet to recover fully from the aftermath of COVID-19.
— Asides from that, I see no reason why any African country/leader should take sides, at least, for now.
— Russia is the only European country that stood with Africa during the colonial period. Russia fought with Angola against the South African apartheid regime and defended Lumumba.
— Africa had better be spectators rather than a participant in this conflict.
— It is not on record that Russia had once colonized or invaded the African continent like Ukraine's new husband once did.
— There is an ongoing liberation in Mali. Russia is currently liberating Mali from French Imperialism.
— The embittered ex and the new husband are inconsolable at the moment.
— Although Olori Ebi (the United Nations) has attempted to mediate, Russia is deviant to his appeasement because the U.S. is the one feeding Olori Ebi the most. Understandably, he may not favor Russia.

©️ *Ife-Ajayi*
2/25/2022

This is a brilliant analysis. Thank you sir

MeghaneMorgane:
I am a young lady in my mid 20s. I don’t live with my parents. I live alone because I work in another city different from where my parents live. My problem now is immediately I get back home from work, I begin to feel lonely. Because of this, I like to close late from work just to keep my mind busy. I close early only if I have other errands to run or if I am very tired.

When I get home, I speak with my parents who try their best to keep me company. But there is still lots of time left before I go to bed. In the height of my boredom, I come to nairaland. Then I go to other blogs to read the news. I read all the news blogs I normally follow. I check out my chats on WhatsApp and Telegram. Usually there isn’t anyone chatting with me because everyone is busy with their lives. I go to Youtube which I have become tired of watching. And at some time I’m just bored to my mind. I don’t like to impose myself on anybody and so I only chat with people who come to chat with me including neighbours.

Sometimes I just want someone around that I can talk to but I’m alone by myself. Single people, how do you cope with boredom. I mean single people who are really single not the ones cohabiting or visiting their partners. Some tips will be very helpful right now.

Oh I can absolutely relate, I'm typing this message from the comfort of my loneliness. I chat a lot though... So that at least serves as a welcome distraction. So I'll suggest you make more online friends (good ones o). It'll help you carry on till you find a real companion!

You spoke exactly what has been on my mind. I hope this article will reach the right places. God bless you real big �

Maybe you should try discussing it with her parents...but then what do I know?

tiffanyfan:
He said gen is not allowed in his house, and no one dares to flaunt that rule.

"Flout that rule"

Simplyleo:
Lagos state is the headquarters of East while Sanwo Olu is the Gov general.

I expect criticisms, comments etc from our brothers from the East.

Please sir, this isn't the right thing to say. Thank you

Ijawwomaninoyo:
Eja Osan!

You did well to remember that movie �

SpicyMimi:
Hello all, God bless you all!
More credit alerts, More business ideas, more good news for job seekers and more blessings generally for you all!

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I am interested but I live in Abuja

God bless your wisdom bro, you are smart!

MightySparrow:
Going back through the same hole he came, what a sweet journey home

Lol