₦airaland Forum

AndroBlaze:
➜I am shocked that the part in bold can come from a female.
➜Men cheat with our bodies, it is always physical, anything more than that has crossed boundary to love country. A man thinking about fornicating with a woman means absolutely nothing and can be switched off as as easy as a tap,even if the desire is eventually fulfilled.
➜ Women cheat with their minds, a woman in love with a man cannot cheat with her mind and thus won't be able to cheat with her body as she cannot imagine anyone else touching her, it is impossible.
➜ Once you lose a woman's mind, you have lost her and need to start from scratch to get her to fall in love with you again if that is even possible.

Your sense is not sense-ing at all. Both men and women are made up of moods, which link back to emotions.

2. Men cheat with their bodies, yet a man can, while even with his wife, be completely turned off because his mind is wrapped around thoughts/fantasies and emotions he has about another woman, whom he has developed a crush on?

3. Huh? This reads like gobbledegook.

4. This applies to both men and women, actually.

Many men hesitate to leave a relationship for many reasons, one of them being that they would rather not lose the benefits— access to emotional labor, mental and physical labor that the woman can still offer them — they still have in their existing relationship before they have secured the next relationship. It is called monkey branching, and studies have shown that this is the major reason why men hold on to relationships even when they no longer have any feelings left for the woman they are with.

Women have this ability to monkey branch, but to a reduced extent than men, as well. But many women feel a relationship simply becomes an unnecessary burden to them to bear once their feelings are no longer there, and it takes a considerable length of time for them to lose that feeling compared to men. That is why many more women would rather just leave the relationship altogether than hang on to it when there are no real benefits to be had in remaining in it.

Both men and women have the capacity to emotionally cheat, and both men and women are capable of monkey branching.

Hypnotise:
➜Not coworker. President, vice president.

I said coworker! Or do you not respect your coworkers, siblings, class mates?

Makamatic:
➜Abeg I get one question wey I want ask concerning this topic , Mature folks abeg answer .
What if man come get GF wey good wella , like she they give am advice , encourage him hustle, give am food and understanding but situations no come fit allow them marry and the man understands that the girl is a good girl . But now she's married to another man , the man in question now is now in a place where he can assist the girl and wants to start repaying the girl for the good time / good deeds they shared and he they send her money and them talk once in a while .. abeg na bad thing . You matured advice is needed here

I have an opinion different from that which has probably been offered you thus far. I happen to believe that even in marriage, people retain autonomy, and so should not be denied opportunities to level up their lives because they are married.
⚉If you are sincere that you want to help only out of gratitude, then I think it is a valid reason for you to contact her and let her know of this.
⚉ If possible, you can send her whatever gift you wish as a holiday present. (Perfect opportunity is around the corner and address it as a gift to the Mr & Mrs., complete with an explanation for why you feel it is deserved.)
⚉If you feel she may feel burdened by the gift, then contact her ahead of time and let her know of the gift and the why behind your wanting to give it.
⚉If it is a business opportunity you wish to offer, then contact the lady and let her know about it, and give her the opportunity to accept or reject.

The key is to try as much as possible to try to see things from the point of view of the other man and think of ways you can creatively extend this gratitude to the woman while respecting the fact that she is married to someone else, without triggering his jealousy radar.

Hypnotise:
➜Yes. And loyalty.

What you are insinuating is that when you show respect to your coworker, it means you submit to him and are also loyal to him?

Hypnotise:
And if he earns more, will that command your full submission?

Is respect the same as submission?

optm:
➜The post should read ' I would not marry a man poorer than I am'. You are poor that is why you are looking for a man to live off from. It is majorly the poor ones that have this mentality. They see a man as the escape route out of their poverty because they are not productive enough to make the kind of money to give them the life they want to live.
My pity for the men that would go for these kind of ladies because they really do not have much to offer you. Men loose more doing life with these kind of ladies.

Did you also know that it is poor men who complain about women from poor backgrounds being able to marry into rich homes? Yeah! 🥱🥱🥱

A woman can only marry a man who wants to marry her, so if a rich man wants to marry a woman from a poor background— something that happens more often than not— why try to shame the woman for this?

pussyphilia:
➜There's this girl I'm madly in love with. I have approached her but she's not cooperating. I'm planning to cast a love spell on her and get her fall in love with me forever. But I'm sceptical about the love spell thing. Does it really work? Has anyone here successfully done it?

This is why mothers need to do a better job teaching their sons to understand that it is Ok for a girl to say, "No!" to them.

The girl rejected you, yet you resolved that what you should do is to cast a love spell on her? You need help, so please go seek professional mental health therapy.

ManuelNate1:
➜Buhhh... I failed the test in the scenario u just presented in ur analogy.So u see why I'm worried??

Do some online research on professional websites like University Hospitals and WebMD to learn some of the foods that may help improve your memory. Also, try to read more often, and add exercise to your regular weekly routine, and see if, after 6-12 months if that helps improve your brain health.

PolyGamous:
➜Lol, you were told to believe polygamous was all about cheat and lust.
According to elderly ones, polygamy in the tradition of Africa was not because of lust, but because of productive purposes. People with many wives are more productive (amount of land they cultivated or the amount of trades they own), people don’t just marry in African traditions if they are not capable to take care of wife or wives and the children.
If marriage is still based on the traditional knowledge, it will be far better. Polygamy is for growth not for lusting around!!

It was for productive purposes yet many of them failed to produce anything in their lives except children that they could not feed or raise well?

2. If it was so good, why didn't the people fight to keep those traditions going?

PolyGamous:
Numerous selfish interests have resulted in numerous failed marriages worldwide. God forbids blasphemy as the greatest sin, and love prohibits cheating because it can lead to more serious crimes and negative consequences within marriage. When love forms the foundation of marriage, it tends to last forever, eliminating any reason for either partner to cheat.

Human love does not last forever. Let's stop telling that particular lie. Even a marriage built on a foundation of love— whether chemical love, duty-bound, or whatever kind you can come up with— can and do end. We need to accept that where humans are concerned, everything is temporary—for a time— and that is the reality of life on this earth for us all.

dierich:
➜The problem you people have is understand message concept

. The problem here isn't the message, but your thinking that we should not address that other elephant that is also in the room.

You are literally considering punishing the woman(that contract you have there reveals that your treatment has nothing to do with you loving her). That is unacceptable behavior, especially since you also want us to believe you supposedly love this woman.

Look, under no circumstances are you allowed or supposed to try to exert control over another person's life, not even if you are married to that person. You can try to change yourself, but never waste your time trying to change someone else, because when you do, you almost always create an unhealable wound between you two that will never go away.

Try to consider your son for a moment. Wouldn't he be a lot happier if he had his father and mother happy, even if they live separately? Don't you think that he needs to be raised in a non-toxic environment? Shared/joint custody would mean the child gets to spend a couple of days with his dad and then with his mother every week. 🥱🥱🥱

Diamond098454:
okay...... I'm not married so, I don't know how married people do there things Me personally, I normally block some contacts in my phone

You do it, not someone else, take your phone to do it— control you.

dierich:
➜Go and read what I wrote again. I suspected her which made me spy on her to get fact

Oh! So, you spied on her after you began suspecting her, and then found out she was, in fact, cheating? And when you said you tried to control her by giving her rules which she flouted, was that before or after you found out she was supposedly cheating?

Diamond098454:
the lady is not cheating rather he's suspecting them and he want his wife to stop communicating with the man

. If this is in fact the case, then that means OP's control issues are becoming unhinged! If she is not cheating, then OP's fixation on the wife being able to communicate with someone other than himself is a problem — clearly toxic controlling behavior. And suggesting he dig his heels further to exert more control over here is a terrible idea.🥱🥱🥱

Wizywiz:
➜if he can't handle the situation and stamp his authority on telling her to stop communicating with the ex then he isn't fit and qualified to be with a woman

Wrong! If having a woman who speaks to her ex is a particular red flag for you, then make certain to date and marry only women who would agree to such an arrangement. You don't go out there to pick a woman who you know has no issues talking to her ex or her single friends, marry her, and then demand she cut all communication with her ex afterwards. That is controlling behavior and an issue for the man to deal with, not the woman. 🥱🥱🥱

Wizywiz:
➜sometimes you men needs to learn how to stamp your foot and take action....she is your wife for God's sake you need to stamp your authority

Open your eyes! Your so-called authority, which you obtain only by marrying a woman(you subdue them in marriage), only breeds toxicity that your own children go on to reject in their own lives.

dierich:
➜So, in conclusion, when I notice something is about to go on between her and her colleagues, I shouldn't have try to find out, not to talk of trying to check her fone to get through the root?

OP, you said you had been spying on your wife. That is controlling behavior. You also indicated that you made rules for your wife. That is also controlling behavior. That you found out now that she is having this emotional affair with her colleague through your spying DOES NOT remove the fact that you had been having control issues in the marriage for a while before, does it? And then there is the supposed contract you said you intend to foist on her, a contract which reads more like a maid/nanny contract than a contract between people who are interested in healing a love relationship. Seems the marriage needs to take a break.

My first comment to you was made based on the fact that you seemed to have, in the process of your snooping, come to confirm that your wife had started cheating on you with this other man. Given that you already made up your mind to kick her out, I was there with you doing exactly that. Now that I have seen the contract you intend to push on her for staying, I am even more convinced that you two are better off living in separate spaces than under the same roof. Deal with your individual issues separately, maybe consider a marriage counselor eventually, and then consider whether the marriage should go forward after that or not.

dierich:
➜I'm sorry to ask, but are you a feminist? Can you be submissive to a man?

I am not a feminist. Neither am I traditional/religious. I am merely a common-sense-er.

Where it pertains to humans, control is a toxic behavior, and suggesting more of that toxicity in marriage is a recipe for further steeping the marriage in toxicity. It never yields benefits for those involved, particularly the children caught in such situations. This, studies have shown.

dierich:
➜I wonder why people keep blaming me for checking her fone. My wife for that matter

Your snooping on her — controlling behavior — is just as bad as her emotionally cheating on you. None of the dynamics screams love for each other.

Diamond098454:
Why will you send your wife back to her father's house just because you saw Hello Sir Good Afternoon? You suspected them because there closeness threatens you and if time is not taking this man may end up on bed with your wife.
I really understand your fears but hey, your wife is a sweet lady , keep discussing with her let her understand the dangers and how she's hurting you. You can block and delete the man contacts from her phones without her knowledge This is one of the challenges women face

. You are suggesting he further exert more control over the woman's life because she is now cheating on him? How is that love or a healthier behavior than cheating?

CandyOps:
➜I already said that. You must have missed it. And when you don’t? Like when she’s in the mood on that time of the month and you copulate without a rubber unintentionally… what do you do afterwards?

Why should her mood supersede, at any point in time, the safety of her life and health?

If you had a son, would you also teach him that sometimes the mood for sex should come before the need to protect his health and future? This sense you offer is not sense-ing.

NotOfThisWorld:
Why are people blaming the OP? His wife his having an emotional affair, which IS cheating. Even if she hasn't yet slept with the man, physical affairs often starts from emotional affairs. Married people chatting with the opposite sex should be a no-no, as that's not fair to your spouse.
Her locking her phone all of a sudden is also not right and signifies she could be hiding something. It's a different story if you're single but married? Nah, that's not right. Married people should not lock their phones. I can't imagine my spouse locking his phone and I would have to seek his permission before accessing it.
If she wants to keep chatting with him, then you too find a side chick and be doing what she's doing. Let's see how she would feel. I would give you the same advice if you were a woman. I don't like nonsense.

Suggesting he cheat in retaliation is akin to telling him to become a despicable human being altogether. Divorce is a lot better and more reasonable at this point for them, given OP's controlling attitude and that contract there, which suggests he only wants to keep and humiliate her after this.

CandyOps:
➜Ok. What would you advice?

Use protection! Prevention is better than cure!

CandyOps:
➜It’s not proven to work scientifically though. But the idea is that taking high alcohol % drinks or hypertonic salt solution throws your internal acid-base levels and pH off hence implantation is less likely to occur.
➜Works for some and don’t for others. Like I said it’s a myth because my AI says what you ingest can’t affect your uterine pH. So kindly disregard that 🙏

This is nonsensical at best. You have out there people on drugs who still conceive and end up with babies high on drugs. Why in the world would you think that high alcohol would do any of what you pretend? Gosh!

No, it does not work at all! Why do women put up with this nonsense in this day and age!

CandyOps:
➜Women? It takes 2 to tango and it’s not an everyday or every month thing. It’s once in a while. The normal thing na condoms

Yes, it takes two to tango, but all you describe impacted the woman's body and constitution more than it did the man's, did it not? So, yes, I pity women who ignorantly submit themselves to this sort of nonsense in the year 2025.

Ardeholar:
➜I'm really confused here

If I were in your shoes, I would seek therapy first and then act after I am certain the problem is real for us and not just me.

NwaliE01:
➜What if the guy has the receipts for all the things he bought in his name?

The answers to these questions you all have about the importance of your receipts, where gifts are concerned, are placed right in front of you, yet you refuse to comprehend. Why? 🥱🥱🥱

CandyOps:
I pulled out. She took in. We got rid of it. She bled for days. Close to 7 days. Don’t think I’ll do that again.
Was traumatized for months before I moved on. I always use the after morning pill 💊 Or salt solution then alcohol b4 sex but I no trust that. I always trust post sex pills

Post-sex pill? Na women wey dey submit themselves to this nonsense I pity pass! 🥱🥱🥱

papiSNEH:
Coming from someone that still uses bra she bought 5 years ago
The underwear 👇

How come you think that because your 5-year-old underwear looks like that therefore everyone else's ought to look the same? 😷😷

Ardeholar:
➜This has been going on for a while now and i haven't been able to figure out exactly what to do. The very first time i noticed, i confronted her and the conversation made me know it was the guy that disvirgined her, Though she claimed it has always been chats and nothing more.. She promised to stop talking to him...
Fast forward to last week, caught her again chatting with the guy... A whatsapp call they both made lasted 1h20m( in my mind, what were they talking about for a whole 1 and a half hour?!)
Again, i confronted her and she said she couldn't just stop talking to him simply because he's her ex. I won't lie, apart from this issue, she's been a good wife... Buh why would you not want to stop talking to your ex?!! The ex that disvirgined you for that matter.. I'm weak and really confused.

Seems to us that the only reason you are fixated on the relationship she has with the man has to do with the fact that he was her first. Well, that sounds like a you problem at this point and not a her problem. 🥱🥱

Just so you know, you can choose to proceed with divorce at this point on that ground if you want to. Or you can go get help from a professional mental health counselor for the reason why you feel that his being the one who first had sex with her virginity irks you so much. Either way, the ball is in your court, whether to hold on to what you have now with her or cut it completely to free yourself and go find you that woman that does not have an ex.🥱🥱🥱

papiSNEH:
Coming from some that still uses bra she bought 5 years ago

Are women not meant to wear bras they bought 5 years ago? Heck, I still have underwear from about 10 years ago myself. 🥱🥱🥱

If you keep your clothing well, you have no reason to get rid of them just because some other person don't have the simple skills to care for his own clothes/underwear. 🥱🥱

dierich:
@ jerchance and churro
She apologized several which I told her she's going out. After pleading, I gave her some rules. I'll send d screenshot. I'm going to print the document and we sign. After if I notice any good changes maybe after 6 months, den maybe I'll consider her back like u said. But if any shit happens, den she's out

This is no longer a marriage but captivity for that woman. I wonder how old that woman is. It seems to me that what OP wants for the next 6 months out of her is a maid/nanny to care for his home and child, but somehow he expects that after that she would turn around and give him a loving wife, abi? Honestly, I hope she has aged enough to the point that her frontal lobe has developed significantly. I hope she realizes she is better off finding her way out at this point.