₦airaland Forum

Dzzzz:
➜Use ur head na guy..I Dey talk something and you Dey talk anything like say you Dey live inside my pweek..
➜ Try Dey expand your horizon bro.Why do ladies tell guys to remove CD?

You obviously did not use your head when you posted that your prick orgasms quicker when you go raw on a woman without realizing the magnitude of your claim. Again, studies have been done to show that there is no evidence for the claim you made. Your claim is based on delusions you formed in your head. What this means is that to claim yourself as an exception, you literally have to come toting facts, not delusions.😏😏

2. Ladies who reason the way someone like you does... those of them who abandon facts for delusions...would, at the risk of their own bodies and mental health, ask you to do so. Why is this a surprise that there are women out there who do the same thing you just did— live by crap? 🥱

Dzzzz:
Bro she’s right ooo..If I use condom,I don’t cum early but when I take it off and feel that wet walls 💦💦

Do you orgasm at the same time every time you have sex without condoms? Stop making this sheet up, abeg!

Dododudu:
A brother needs your advise here please.

Your wife no longer wishes to be friends with your brother, and you are not able to move past that? Is this because he is your brother or because the two of them were maybe besties before this went down?

abbey621:
... Large percentage of Nigerian middle and upper class households have help, where's this 24/7 catering coming from? RIDICULOUS!

Storyland! The over 170 million living under the poverty line have daycare and all that for kids and babies, abi!

The same middle/upper class that now makes up less than 10% of the current Nigerian population, where over 170 million live under the poverty line? Yeah, you are being quite ridiculous now!

DeclanR:
➜This is Fact in its entirety. Thanks so much. I saw a comment wherein someone was attributing my issue to spirituality and I chuckled. May the universe bless and guide you

. There is nothing spiritual about depression. It is 100% mental illness and can be worked through for even those with depression if they can find it in themselves to vigorously fight it. I say vigorously because the battle can be tremendously exhausting for anyone. Many end up succumbing not out of weakness but because of the nature of the illness. Major depression, the severe kind is a mental demon on a higher level i would recommend medication and therapy if one is to have a serious fighting chance. 🥱

I would know because I spent more than 3 decades of my life struggling with major depression, believing I had no real power against it. It wasn't until recent years that I started up again, intensely and more actively fighting— with medication, exercise, and all I had left in me to do so, even lost my livelihood in the process, but did not stop(it became do or die for me)—against it, and today I can tell you I am free of it.

abbey621:
➜So basically, cooking and cleaning in the household you both live is considered slavery while having a man that provides not only for you but takes care of yourr external family needs as well is considered normal duty of a man (This is how it works in most Nigerian marriages).
➜ If you want to change societal or traditional belief system you must be willing to change the role of a man from such provider and speak on how boys are also raised from childhood to be providers and how their financial status determines their worthiness of a woman/wife!
➜ You can't have the double standards of speaking against societal conditioning for the woman while ignoring the same for the man!

Doing labor that you are not adequately remunerated for, cannot clock out of — you are literally on call 24/7, and also get no vacation time off from it is slave labor. Look up the word in the dictionary.

2. I said nothing of wanting to change anything. This discussion is simply seeing up, pointing out things for what they are.

3. There is nothing wrong with beneficial social conditioning, such as the concept of submitting to the law for the community to thrive. What I simply pointed out earlier is the harmful conditioning that causes women to submit themselves to men who prey on them and their energies.

CandyOps:
➜Ok understood . 100% protection always. I have a friend who keeps to that rule. But we all know it’s not as enjoyable
➜ but like we all know it’s really not worth the pain. Thanks again for the strict reminder 🙏

Stop telling this lie that using protection removes from the enjoyment of sex. Numerous studies have been done on this, and there is no evidence of this to be found out there. Most men who have sex with pr0stitutes find they have to wear protection every time, and still their enjoyment of the sex is not impacted. Why continue to perpetuate a baseless lie as a way to continue inflicting harm on the bodies of women you supposedly love? That is nothing short of wickedness.

2. Please stop telling these lies that hurt women. Yes, many of these women who submit to these acts are not themselves in their right minds— many married women basically have their minds running in attachment mode with their own survival taking a back seat to their reality. But that ain't any excuse for why the men who are supposed to love them should continue to threaten them less than animals. Send your woman to get her mental health checked asap.

IbnB:
➜OP specifically mentioned Adenuga's boys, Dangote has no male kid
And speaking of reasoning, how many out of the four billion men are heirs to billionaire-dollar fortunes?
➜ OP had a preference that automatically excluded 99% (maybe higher) of the male population, you might want to read her rant all over again for better comprehension

Again, the core of OP's argument is that she would not date or marry a man who earns less than she does.

2That only applies if OP herself is at least a dollar billionaire.

Try to comprehend what her mentioning of those names implies, not what you want it to mean for you.

PolyGamous:
➜Maybe you should go back to the conversations!!! Agriculture was not the only thing mentioned, trade was there and what made you feel farming isn’t a skill?
➜ Traditions and religion are two different things! It will be a difficult task to argue with you when you can’t differentiate between religion and tradition.
➜ And Productivity isn’t a term for agriculture alone, you really need to get a lot of things right before getting into arguments.

1. It was the primary source of livelihood for most of your ancestors. Trade was secondary.

2. There aren't different. They are both political systems used to keep people in check through the use of ideas and values born of delusions.

3. Your ancestors had large numbers of children primarily to plow their hands and produce enough for them to sell. That is a historical fact that cannot be changed in our current information age, no matter how good a liar you think you are.

Sunkab:
My own is that what if the guy has been doing well but all of a sudden lost his job or things turn down for him, will you leave him?

Una no take math class abi wetin? Why continue to ask these obvious questions?

As long as the man does not earn more... no matter the condition... the woman, if she respects her own boundary, has the right to waka.

Mamayam:
➜You wan run leave Trump ni?

No! Do you have any information on available flats or apartments in the area?

DeclanR:
➜I can't just keep to myself any longer, I'm already weak and tired. I don't know if I'm depressed or something. I went through a lot during childhood. I mean a lot. And I guess I'm now suffering from the impact of that ugly childhood.
I don't mix with people, l don't attend social events— Birthdays, funerals, church, weddings etc. I hate to be known or recognised in a particular gathering. I hate to be the centre of attraction. I don't make friends because I see most people as Betrayers and traitors. I see them as trying to snitch on me.
Aside going out to look for my daily Bread 🍞, I don't interact with anybody, not even my family members except maybe my siblings.
I don't like people visiting me & I also don't visit people. I don't have a girlfriend. I'm also broke and from almost poor. I'm always thinking of the next minute — Particularly how I can survive.
People I trusted and confided in, have all betrayed me in time past. Aunties and uncles have done theirs, friends and other relatives too. People who claim to be pastors, friends and colleagues, have all done their parts. It hurts me. As per relationship and marriage, I'm not sure I'll ever marry. I don't trust people, especially ladies. I don't have older ones to look up to. No father, no mother, no family bond between myself and siblings. There's chaos and uncertainty everywhere. All these have really affected me a lot.
➜It's so painful to not have anyone who can give you a pat on your shoulder when things are tough. No Encourager. Motivator, No Helper. If I fall sick today and get incapacitated, what is my fate? If I get kidnapped today, who will pay the ransom?No matter the Lenses or prism through which we view life, I want to believe that we all agree that everyone of us needs someone in our lives to make a headway. You can't do it all alone.
All these get me scared and fazed. I'm deeply frustrated . If ONLY GOD can change and transform me to a better Person, I'll serve Him and Him alone all the days of my life.

You are struggling with what is obviously depression— a mental illness—, and I am sorry, but there is no god out there coming to change or transform you into the better person you dream of. Only you, through doing intentional work, can push yourself through it to come out to where your dream is realized and make yourself a better person.

My suggestion is that you make an appointment immediately to see a professional mental health counselor/psychologist, and make sure to work with your counselor to help you achieve your goal.

2. Something else you can do to help yourself beginning now is to begin stepping out of your comfort zone. Be the person you are trying to get others to be for you. If you need encouragement, encourage yourself. If you need motivation, motivate yourself. If you need a helper, start by helping yourself. Before you fall sick, plan to ensure you have at least some of what you will need —medication, first aid supplies — at home so you can manage yourself until you can get help from elsewhere.

Start exercising regularly. You can walk 30-60 minutes regularly to help you destress every day and increase blood flow to your brain. This will impact your ability to fight against the depression you are carrying around with you. Also, while walking, push yourself to say hi to those around you, engage in conversation with others if you can, or at least hang out more. Even if hanging out simply means sitting on a chair outside of your apartment or on a park bench, people watching, do it to get yourself out of the house and comfortable as often as you can. Depression thrives on isolation(even when you are surrounded by people), so fighting it may involve opening yourself up to others, even if you are afraid of being rejected by them.

There is no magical pill to lift that dark cloud that is over your life at this point. You need to work at fighting it yourself and continue doing so until it passes.

abbey621:
➜Then why get married? If it is such a huge burden why bother? The human female is the only specie that I know that does things they consider self detrimental.
➜ Marriage is slavery, child bearing is dangerous, why do it? You mean to tell me that you do all these for MAN or could it be that you also gain from it physically, emotionally and spiritually?
➜ You can't claim men hate women when y'all keep doing things you clearly feel is harmful to you, DEM FORCE YOU?

The simple reason is that many of these women have been programmed from birth to believe they have no worth without marriage. That remains the major reason why many females engage in that which is self-detrimental. Their self-worth has been eroded by the societal programming to the point that they do not consider even their own health and life worth investing in, and that is sad.

Boys do not receive similar brainwashing from childhood, and as such, they don't feel obligated to do for their wives more than they can muster in themselves to do for them. Rather, many are told they are entitled to a wife-material who would aid them in accomplishing their life goals as well as their procreation goals in life. This explains why there are so many men out there who believe women should be content with what is, in most cases, less than the bare minimum — subhuman standard of relationship treatment, aka abuse.

2. Again, it is the mental enslavement programming hammered into them from childhood. 🥱🥱🥱

3. Nonsense! A man who loves a woman would treat her like his partner... (in religious speak) be equally yoked with her in marriage. That is only possible if a man loves a woman. However, a man who hates a man does the opposite... he sees her as his servant/slave to take advantage of, and that is what the vast majority of Nigerians, including the religious-minded— in direct contradiction to their so-called religious values— are notorious for doing. 🥱🥱🥱

While it is easy to blame the women in these cases for not attaining self-love before marriage — overthrowning all of their childhood trauma— that does not remove the blame from those who take advantage of them at that.

PolyGamous:
➜I wouldn’t like to bring in religions to this, that’s why I am so much staying clear with traditions and western education.
➜Skills are essential during our forefathers era, and it was the form of education they had. Maybe you forgot this forefathers’ were relied upon by the government (kings), not them relying on the government.
➜ Skills became something people avoid when western education came it, it was meant to be an upgrade, but people took it differently, sadly the skills are now what they fall back to after they couldn’t get a job.
➜ I am not trying to tell you people should compulsorily practice polygamy, no! The case of lust in monogamy is worse not to talk of lust in polygamy….

1. Tradition and religion are pretty much the same, and since your idea of polygamy comes from tradition/religion, what do you think you have been arguing all this time?

2. Skills? You literally said that productivity was pegged on having so many kids who were, in turn, considered farmhands. Where did their skills come into all of this? How farm hands dey gain whatever skills they had then if not from being born and dragged to the farms from as soon as they popped out of their mother's uterus?

3. Nonsense! Skills were gained from being repetitively beaten by work that was available to be done. Most of your fathers have no farms and hence no work, and so no skills to pass to their kids. Sending the kids to school is the best way to get them the skills needed in today's world. So what sort of B.S. are you trying to shove down our throats here?

4. Unbeweavable! So, your only argument for polygamy — a system that has proven dangerous given the almajiri scourge from the North that has now reduced Nigeria to a failed state overrun by bandits — is that it is best for curbing lust in men? Are you f-king ok in the head?

Nefort:
➜Why did you state that 50% of women are breadwinners? Why should we be bothered about it if women want gender equality?

Many of you simply hate women is the major problem here. 🥱🥱🥱

The cost of the invisible labor done by women in marriages includes a significant financial impact, estimated to be worth trillions of dollars globally if paid, and a severe toll on their emotional and mental well-being, leading to stress, burnout, and resentment. This includes the "mental load" of managing a household and family, which is separate from physical chores and contributes to inequality and relationship strain.

For women, to add to the above burden laid on them in marriage, to have to bear the burden as breadwinner, you think people should not be bothered... clearly you lot hate women, your mothers included. 🥱🥱🥱

Nefort:
➜Don't you want gender equality anymore?

What aspect of that leads you to believe that gender equality should no longer be a goal?

CandyOps:
➜Yes we should use protection and That’s besides my question. I’m saying unprotected sex can happen w/o plan right? In such cases, what do you advice?

And I am telling you that unprotected sex should never happen, given what you described earlier had happened to the woman. Suppose it had been your own body that had to experience those 7 days of straight bleeding, which caused you panic. In that case, I can bet my last kobo that you would never have had anyone do that to you again, but because it did not happen to your own body, that is why you seem to think it is OK if it happens sometimes. No be so?

Again, na women wey dey allow these kain things happen to them even at the hands of their own husbands I pity pass. The mind of such an individual is probably in such a place that their own health and survival have been caused to take a back seat to the particular attachment style that drives their relationship at this point. So very sad!

PolyGamous:
➜I wish I could emphasize more on that, but you need to realize how crucial population is to every economy if they are not liabilities.
➜ Western education made the country’s population became liabilities which was not its purpose, education was meant to make the population improve their crafts and eventually increase their output, but instead, people chose to be educated to secure job rather than creating one!
➜ So, why keep the tradition when the population goals of being more productive has changed overnight to being a liability by seeking jobs from the few that creates?

1. Your forefathers produced liabilities, and that custom continues to this day, where the polygamous setting is notorious for producing just that.... liabilities who have nothing to offer society as a whole other than more unskilled bodies.

2. So, the northerners in Nigeria who notoriously breed some of the most liabilities— almajiris, many of whom are now into banditry— are thus because of Western education?

3. You tell me cause you came in attempting to argue that there is still value to the tradition that has now helped the country turn from a failed one in less than 70 years.

legionISproteus:
➜and that is why you will remain single forever

Well, if you are this afraid of being alone with your own energy, that says a lot about your inability to love other human beings, do you know that? I suggest you spend time learning to be comfortable alone with your own self first, so you can better learn how to "love your neighbor as you love yourself". Otherwise, you will spend your life chasing shadows.

PolyGamous:
✓ You’ve got a mindset towards love already, but sincerely it’s a misrepresentation of what love is.
✓ If love forgives and heal, then why will it end?
✓ Most men are chanting spec, that’s lust not love! Because immediately the spec fade, the feelings goes with.

You clearly didn't comprehend what I wrote there of people who claim.their marriages are built on foundation of what they refer to as love. The chemical kind of love ends since those hormones in the brain running those delusions people refer to as love in that situation eventually run down and stop after a couple of weeks/months or in osme cases years and reality then sets in. Then you have those whose version of love is what I like to call the performative sort of love(duty bound love based on the illusion that if one continues in duty to please the other partner, somehow that other partner for will continue to appreciate and love in return). That is the kind that usually ends the moment that disappointment begins to pile on and resentment becomes overwhelming. 🥱🥱🥱

2. Well, love can forgive forgive does not imply that love should continue to abide abuse. Nor does it mean that one can or should love in a place of unhappiness and misery. Before one can healthily love others, one has to and should love oneself. No one who has love of self can live or abide an unhappy/toxic/unfulfilling situation or marriage. So, when your marriages last many years through toxicity/unhappiness/unfulfillment for either the husband or the marriage, such marriages are not built on love but unhappiness/toxicity/unfulfillment/misery which have no part in love and nothing of happiness.

3. Well, humans will always be humans.

erniok:
✓ See talk wey lack logic. The world does not need new framework but you are advising that they abandon something for nothing. Yeye dey smell.

You consider established facts - absolute Truths that have been tested enough times to show they don't fail/infallible given conditions on this earth to this day-- as nothing? Unbelievable, Not! 🥱🥱🥱

Wickedtruths:
✓ You dey wear tattered throwback pants. You will regret this comment.

I don't wear tattered underwear; that yours are tattered does not mean everyone else's. A good washing machine doesn't tear clothes unless you don't know how to use one.

Additionally, numerous videos on YouTube are available to teach you how to properly care for your clothing items so they stay useful for you for longer. It is not a flex to say your underwear is tattered when you literally do not have to do much of the washing yourself these days.

IbnB:
✓ Adenuga boys are also running away from ladies whom Poverty has built HQ in their father's compound like OP; nobody want to marry liability anymore

There are about 4 billion men out there in the world. Are you wanting us to believe that Adenuga boys make up the bulk of men out there that we should consider what Adenuga boys -- whoever they are --- do to be the norm for all men? Come on now...we are almost into 2026, you can do better in the area of reasoning things and life, abeg! 🥱🤣🥱

Bellotelli:
Ok.. what about a scenario when you earn 50m p.a and the guy earns 30m p.a, would you still consider the man a broke ass?

She clearly says she wants a man that makes more than she does. You fail math class, abi wetin?

Hypnotise:
✓ Not only coworkers, I respect everyone equally and generally, not until they touch the tiger’s tail and they see operation python dance, because that’s what respecting the wrong people does sometimes, it leads to disrespect.
With the instance of siblings, if you happen to have younger ones, I’m sure you respect them, but you don’t submit to them. On the contrary, it is expected they submit to you, by the order of parents and society.
Also junior coworkers submit to senior coworker’s authority. Likewise junior students are at the mercy of senior students. Any sign of disobedience will be tagged unruliness.

What all of this is telling me is that you know for a fact that Respect IS NOT same thing as submission or loyalty, yet earlier you attempted to convince us that you didn't know this and assumed them to be all one and the same. And I am wondering why you felt the need to waste your time and mine? Why?

LiveWire85:
➜If I buy you property in my name I will invade you however I so desire.

Na Nigerians wey no dey call police for una I go blame. The lawlessness in that country is primarily because the average Nigerian on the street would rather condone the most unjust of acts rather than seek help or justice. No wonder when people like you enter another country, na prison straight!

Ezekiel2122:
➜They property being purchased under whose name? You should ask yourself such question first. Or you mean if I've property in your house, I can't claim my properties again??

You are still arguing like you don't have your brain screwed on right. Why?

Why does it matter so much to you who purchased the property when the Law clearly tells you that it does not matter who purchased it in this case, since it was given out by the purchaser as a gift? I posted this image for you to read earlier. Why do you refuse to read and grasp what the Law says, but still think you are OK to continue arguing foolishly against what it says?

Ezekiel2122:
➜Smiles... you're very funny... when the case start that's when you'll see witnesses saying they both knew each other and not unknown person you're saying

What has them knowing each other to do with anything? They literally dated, so, of course, they knew each other. Are you under the notion that people who know each other cannot be found guilty of home invasion and theft?

AndroBlaze:
➜Aunty (or whatever you are), please don't add my own family to it when you are trying to make your Netflix points.
➜ This is a Nigerian and African forum and we have told you how our society works.... if you like as a married woman you can sleep with as many men as you like in your mind and deceive yourself that you are still in love with your husband.
➜ Cheating is not similar for both sexes and you are only choosing to acknowledge it halfway.
➜ Please let the thread get back to giving the man sound advice, which thankfully one lady has already from a position of experience and not one of fantasy.

1. We are not talking Netflix, but reality, which colors a lot of those Netflix shows you all watch and pretend could never happen to you, simply because you think it. All those grandmothers and mothers, finally out there, telling their stories online of past one-night stands and secret rendezvous, are someone's mother and someone's grandmother. You will never know if yours is impacted if you don't honestly ask. 🥱🥱

For the longest, we all sat back and witnessed men cheat on mothers and grandmothers, and most africans men and women have so many stories of those to tell. We should also be willing to listen to the stories of the mothers and the grandmothers who also had their opportunity to cheat and did it.

2. Are we not talking here of the same Nigeria and Africa where for the longest where many of you assumed that your mothers and grandmothers could never cheat on your fathers, only now you suddenly come to the realization that paternity fraud has been happening since the time of your ancestors— there are literally laws across many cultures requiring that the husband of the woman have first dibs at claiming every child born in the marriage regardless of who fathered it?🥱🥱

I am still waiting for men in Nigerian men aged 35-60 to go get themselves DNA-tested to be certain whether they are indeed their father's sons. 🥱🥱

3. It has always been similar for both men and women. You have simply been lying to yourself, that's all. 🥱🥱

4. Let me guess! You pick the advice that keeps him reaching for shadows(fantasizing about how great he can make it of his own power) over others? 🥱🥱

AndroBlaze:
➜ You are choosing to miss the point as usual. The person I replied to says the wife has not cheated because it is emotional and she has not acted on it, and I am making her understand that is the way women cheat, it does not have to be physical for you to know serious wahala de and your relationship is now in ICU.
➜ For men it is entirely different. Men think about sex regularly with other women, that means almost nothing nor does it indicate love or feelings.
➜ A lot of men act on these impulses and have sex with other women, again most of the time it means nothing nor signals any fatal danger to the relationship or his love for his partner.
➜ This is not the same with women, who once they go the way of fantasizing about another man regularly, you need to start stressing yourself and getting her to fall back in love with you again for the relationship to have a chance.
➜ Even your post earlier seemed to suggest the same thing . We ( male and females ) are not the same in short, and to make it shorter the woman has already cheated.

1. I was also making you know that men also emotionally cheat, and it is already serious at that point when men emotionally cheat on their women.

2. Women do the same thing, often. Fantasizing about sex with other people IS NOT emotional cheating. By the way, women also fantasize about having sex with other men, only they don't talk about it much like men do.

3. Before a man can have sex with another woman, he has shifted his emotions from his woman to focusing on the other woman he desires to have, and this is where you see the man connecting with the other woman, and maybe begin arranging to have sex with that woman. That emotional work that they do to eventually get them up until the physical encounter is what is regarded as emotional cheating.

A man does not magically find his dick falling into an outside woman's vagina, even if the woman is a pr0stitute. He literally has to emotionally decide to explore the option of another woman for it to happen. That is where emotional cheating comes in. It is there, only some men(and women too) can have it happen almost at the same time that the physical cheating is taking place. Yes, women can and do, on occasion, act on impulses, but that does not mean there was no emotional cheating before that physical act happens, even then

4. Wrong! A woman can have a one-night stand and pretend it never happened, just like a man can. There are lots of stories online told by women in marriages who, at one point or another, had a one-night stand, some of them in the same house while their husbands slept, either with a friend or a relative of their husbands, zero-ed their mind of it afterwards, and their husbands never found out. You will be shocked that maybe even your own grandmother or mother may have such stories to tell. Women, like men, know how to hide their game well.

5. My post suggests nothing of what you claim since I made clear that men and women can do exactly the same things, only one tends to do it more frequently than the other(at least that is what we believe at this point in time)!

Fiscus105:
➜If you come back from working place and you meet your kid like this with tribal mark. Hold back your anger Wait for your spouse to come back Showing confrontations to her. Go to police station and report her.

That wicked practice should be banned, already!. Children should be allowed to decide, after reaching adulthood, whether or not they would like to get those markings for themselves.

AndroBlaze:
➜I am shocked that the part in bold can come from a female.
➜Men cheat with our bodies, it is always physical, anything more than that has crossed boundary to love country. A man thinking about fornicating with a woman means absolutely nothing and can be switched off as as easy as a tap,even if the desire is eventually fulfilled.
➜ Women cheat with their minds, a woman in love with a man cannot cheat with her mind and thus won't be able to cheat with her body as she cannot imagine anyone else touching her, it is impossible.
➜ Once you lose a woman's mind, you have lost her and need to start from scratch to get her to fall in love with you again if that is even possible.

Your sense is not sense-ing at all. Both men and women are made up of moods, which link back to emotions.

2. Men cheat with their bodies, yet a man can, while even with his wife, be completely turned off because his mind is wrapped around thoughts/fantasies and emotions he has about another woman, whom he has developed a crush on?

3. Huh? This reads like gobbledegook.

4. This applies to both men and women, actually.

Many men hesitate to leave a relationship for many reasons, one of them being that they would rather not lose the benefits— access to emotional labor, mental and physical labor that the woman can still offer them — they still have in their existing relationship before they have secured the next relationship. It is called monkey branching, and studies have shown that this is the major reason why men hold on to relationships even when they no longer have any feelings left for the woman they are with.

Women have this ability to monkey branch, but to a reduced extent than men, as well. But many women feel a relationship simply becomes an unnecessary burden to them to bear once their feelings are no longer there, and it takes a considerable length of time for them to lose that feeling compared to men. That is why many more women would rather just leave the relationship altogether than hang on to it when there are no real benefits to be had in remaining in it.

Both men and women have the capacity to emotionally cheat, and both men and women are capable of monkey branching.