₦airaland Forum

CorperKola:
➜Thats private prostitution na No difference

Then get yourself a pr0stitute instead of a girlfriend/lover. Or better yet, get yourself a boyfriend, that way you won't have these thoughts to deal with.

Chetas81:
➜your loyalty your score, if im adding woman budget in my budget. The woman work for it,not for free😀

There is an easier way not to have to add a woman to your budget at all. Don't date women at all. You can always date your fellow men.

Nnamdipapa:
➜So women are now commodities to be "afforded?" The lady is a pure liability whose parents failed to raise properly.

The same way men wish to be afforded by the women who wish to date them when they classify themselves as high value men or whatever other preferences they individually have out there— indicating that not just any woman will do— is the same way a woman ought to be afforded by the men who wish to date them. This isn't rocket science!

Nnamdipapa:
➜You support a man acting the role of a father to a fully grown woman because I honestly don't get your point. What's wrong with a grown adult taking care of her own damn needs?

A man giving his women money to do her hair is not a man taking the role of a father same was a friend giving his friend food to eat is not taking the role of his mother. Stop repeating this brain-damaged gutter analogy, abeg! It never works, no matter how many times you repeat it.

Nefort:
➜If women are for sale as your comment suggests, then women shouldn't get angry when men treat them like a purchased item. I can't buy you with money and you still give me conditions. After buying a dress the dress will be giving you conditions on what days you should wear it or not.

If you don't like woman, don't date them or pretend they force themselves on you. You are not a victim when you pick a guy who instead wants a man who will pay for her hair. You are instead an eejiot for picking a girl that is not on the same level as you.

patrickcollins:
➜Your Idea about dating is the guy making provision for the girl, men shouldn't date any woman that can't pay to make her hair

Well, that is OK! If a man wants to date a woman who would not ask him for anything, then such a man should specifically find himself only such a woman. You don't go out there to find a woman who has expenses and needs a man who would pay for her hair, and then turn around to complain that she is asking you for money. That stewpidity on your part!

Nefort:
➜Women are allowed to work these days. Women earn so much money and compete with men for jobs, but they still want to depend on men for their financial needs. So what is the usefulness of allowing women to work when they still depend on men financially? Wouldn't it be better to stop women from working so more men can get jobs and the money to take care of women?

These women do not force these men into relationships with them, you know? Men need relationships more than women do, and so if a man wants a relationship with a woman, expecting her to pour her energy into the relationship, he should be able to bring something of worthy value to the woman, rather than just his presence. That is why even a woman who earns more than a man can still require that he be able to pay some of her bills, if not all. If the man does not want to, he can walk.

Kalulu44:
...., it pains me I am replying you back to back. Why is it that it's only we men that should offer women something in relationship, are they supposed to be handicap?

You never asked yourself how come study, after study, has shown that relationships tend to benefit men more than they do women? It never occurred to you before now that, given all that women bring to a man's life in a relationship, a man has to offer her at least something of worth to her, even if it is only money? I don't understand the reason why someone who is supposedly intelligent would ask me these questions you ask in this day and age.

One of the responses to the video above came from a Dr Zeeta, a sociologist, on TikTok explaining how marriage in African culture serves as a tool for men to diminish their women — their goals, dreams, and life— in general, to that which the men in their lives can better control and manipulate in their favor(not the woman's).

A post on TikTok to pastor Seyi Obembet's revelation on how he weaponized marriage as a tool against his wife's dream, is the following from a sociologist on how marriage in African culture serves as a tool for men to diminish their women — their goals, dreams, and life— in general to that which the men in their lives can better control and manipulate in their favor(note, not the woman's).

https://www.tiktok.com/video/7574046500011920651?is_from_webapp=1&sender_device=pc&web_id=7540082781738124831

A recent post by Dr Obembet, a pastor, on his Instagram page claimed marriage to be a distraction, not from his own dreams and desires, but for his wife, as he goes on to explain how he used marriage as a weapon to deny his wife of her dream and her ambition of becoming a medical doctor.

Richsteemit:
✓ You want to insult me?? . I'm 23 years, your insult is welcome!!!

No, I do not wish to insult you. I only wished to know how experienced one would need to be to think what you described is love. 🥱🥱🥱

You see one thing about love that I have learned in my years is that if you don't first have healthy self-love --- not the performative kind we like to tag as self-confidence that is instead born of selfish desire to thrive at the expense of others--- you will not know true love. You will of course experience chemically induced form which is really an addictive high in addition to the trauma born kind which is really trauma bonding, as well as the codependent kind which is really another form of crazy, but not the real-connection-forming, safety-giving sort of love that many of us truly yearn for. 🤔

So, ol' boy, you are still too young to be running after women. You still have a lot of work to do on yourself to build yourself for life -- I am talking of your mental, emotional and social intelligence. 🤔🤔

This time is time for you to focus on that hole inside of you that you have been trying to throw girls at. You can't close it with external things. You can only close it by dealing with the internal issues keeping it open -- childhood trauma, lost dreams, disappointments, hurts, betrayals,etc. You need to confront them, accept and forgive yourself (or them) to close up that large hole. The more you tackle them, the more you grow into the best version of you necessary for you to have the best life possible. 🥱🥱

Ask yourself, what are you waiting for? There will always be girls out there for you. Loose that scarcity mindset that is driving you right now. And focus your attention on healing yourself otherwise you will end up as clueless as many of those before you, chased by many of the same shadows from their youth even in their old age, not realizing it is their mind that keeps trying to bring them back to the same issue for them to properly resolve their own self.

Jegheter:
✓ Are you slow. Didn't he pay for the food by way of d N25k if truly d wife added her money y sid he bear it? Isn't she a helpmate. And of course that narrative from d wife is even a lie sef as she didn't use her money instead dere is even some left over from d N25k. I see you are not married mate

Oh, even when you configure her to be a slave to you in marriage, she is also supposed to be a helpmate? 🥱🥱

I pity women who marry men like you who obviously do not value or see them as human beings. 🥱🥱🥱

jaxxy:
➜No she created the thread because of bone straight and dress request. That is not the strongest way to judge trust. its more serious than bone straight issues. This man will direct the course of ur life to a large extent and u want to marry him without know him properly or knowing his core values? It took bone straight to question who he is? That's funny :-\

So, bone straight and dress is all you saw in that OP? Says so much! 🥱🥱🥱

jaxxy:
➜if she doesn't trust him enough why is she marrying him in 4months? They should be at talking stage not engaged.

That is why she created this thread.

jaxxy:
➜How long have u been dating? Cos if u have been seriously dating I don't think u will break up a serious relationship that was valuable to u over bone straight wig and a dress. material Things that they u will still change in future or that will perish.
He said share with my family or sister and u have read or interpreted that in the worst possible way. u also said he didn't get it for u so meaning u are low-key offended he didn't get it for u and would only be open to doing such if he got it for u?
Well my conclusion here is u do not trust this man judgement or ability to lead u correctly and therefore u cannot submit to this man so end the charade engagement b4 it turns to an war of egos and power struggle.
➜ Marry a man u respect and trust his judgement and even tho u can disagree it won't get to the point u are considering ending a relationship or engagement overall disagreement.

Do you trust just anyone you meet or date? Or does the person give you a reason for you to trust them in whatever way that you do?

If OP does not trust her man, it simply means that her fiance has not presented her with enough evidence for why he should be trusted by her in the area in question. Stop trying to shift blame onto OP for things like that.

2. As for submission, only damaged individuals submit to other humans. This is 2026, we are entering into, and we have seen how the people of the religion of submission(Christianity and Islam) have taught us all how submitting to the lead/doctrines spewed by other humans is detrimental to both the human mind and psyche. Nigeria, as a nation, is suffering right now with all of the brainwashed individuals unable to see the political dimension that their religions have come to occupy over their lives.

Yankiss:
➜You are overflogging this matter. My innocent advice is blown out of proportion. First off, she's not entering any new relationship. She's already in it to even talk of marriage . There's no evidence of domestic violence, it's all an interpolation.
➜ You cannot tell the face of a market by the small hours. That action by the fiance is not enough to fully calibrate that relationship. She needs further observations.
➜ I didnt say she go ahead. Give more time. And observe. Period.

1. Why or when did domestic violence become the only reason for why a woman should want to leave a relationship?

2. Her so-called future husband and supposed leader in marriage resorted to keeping malice with her all because she refused to hand a wig and dress she bought for herself to his sister, and you think this isn't enough of a reason for her to run for her dear life? She should wait for him to do what else?

3. Give her more time for what? Her red flag radar is already going off — her senses are already tingling, warning her of the potential danger ahead of her — hence the reason she came here to ask us. Why must she wait and not follow her own instincts?

Lekby25:
➜You can give the items to her and not collect them back again. Not everyone likes wearing something someone else has worn before. Please do this only if you know you really love the guy from the depth of your heart and you don't want to loose the relationship. If you don't really love the guy as such, you can call off the relationship.

What does she seek to gain from this love that is not reciprocated?

UniQue84:
➜Exactly you just aired my mind..she wants to sound so perfect in all her dealings. So woke, reason she will comment more than 20 times on a thread trying to push are narrative down the throat of everyone.
Hmmm God abeg free me from these set of people...they can be very toxic.

It is woke to inform a woman that she should choose herself over a man and a potentially toxic marriage. I don talk am say many of you actually hate women and should have no business dealing with them.

Berankis:
➜ Even from the way you itemise your points, na troublesome person you go be naturally.
Your grammar sef come be like say na English you study for school at Masters or PhD level. I know I can't win you, I rest my argument here.

Stop advising women to settle in marriage. We all now know for a fact that it is never a good idea for both the women and the children that result from such unions. You do women and their generations a great injustice when you advise them to settle in marriage for bare-minimum men, talk less of immature and poverty-minded men like OP's fiancé.

Let's all strive to do better for our race as a whole.

Berankis:
➜I am not a woman and I don't hate you.but I don't fancy you all the same.
➜ You always sound so defensive and ready to fight. Relationship go hard you my sister, that's just how I perceive you.
➜ Most people didn't support the idea of sharing personal items but when it got to your turn, you turned it to "pre-nuptial agreement".
➜ Is life really this difficult or you are just the one making it so hard?

For you to suggest that women should settle for the bottom of the barrel sample of men out there is already more than an admission that you hate women from your very core.

2. Calling out an immature man with a poverty mindset means I am defensive and ready to fight? Maybe you are right because I would rather not have my sisters, daughters, or anyone I love have any dealings with such individuals. You can keep them all for yourself. I have no need for them 🥱🥱

3. Sharing personal items? Is that how you choose to see it? OP never said the reason why she didn't want to give it to the girl had anything to do with them being personal items. Also, if OP's fiancé couldn't afford to purchase those items for his own sister who desired them, what are we discussing here? 🥱🥱

4. Go out there and ask the millions of women stuck in poverty-riddled/misery-mired/financially abusive situations out there if life isn't hard for them in that equation they got themselves all tangled up in. 🥱🥱🥱

Berankis:
➜This "kobojunkie" lady dey always behave somehow. I am too sure you are single (I will be too surprised if you are not) and E go really hard you to get a man! You already built high walls around yourself, it will be good for you if you are not naija-based, else, you go learn.

Awon scarcity mentality people.... na so una go carry men wey no even give una the bare minimum still dey beat chest say at least una get man. Una settle for man for marriage and now una wan advice others to settle like you all did, all because misery loves company.

Characteristics of a scarcity mindset:
⚉ Focus on lack: A persistent feeling that there is not enough to go around, leading to an obsession with what is missing.
⚉ Fear of loss: A deep-seated anxiety about losing what you have, whether it's possessions, relationships, or opportunities.
⚉ Competitive behavior: Believing that for someone else to gain more, you must inherently have less, leading to a zero-sum view of success.
⚉ Impulsive decisions: Taking opportunities you aren't suited for because you fear you won't get another chance.
⚉ Hoarding: A tendency to conserve and hold onto resources, sometimes to an extreme degree.
⚉ Overscheduling: Feeling like there aren't enough hours in the day and trying to squeeze too much into your schedule.

Look, I would never advise a woman or even my daughter to settle when it comes to life or marriage. She is better off single and happy— there are so many women out there who are happy, single, and fulfilled— than unhappily, miserable, and living in survival mode in marriage, like so many single married women out there today are.

Yankiss:
➜Maturity is allowing him go the whole hog. This could be an exception not the rule, who knows.
➜Relationships are so imperfect that applying the stick at every turn makes one single for life. You have to be blind to something. But there are limits.
➜She should act along. Let him call it off himself. I know what I mean by that.

Exception? He is an immature individual meaning he does not respect his fiance and does not know how to emotionally regulate as adults or even husbands are supposed to be. Why is an exception needed for you to admit this?

2. There are no perfect humans out there, and hence no perfect relationship. But does a relationship have to be perfect to be safe and healthy? Clearly, they don't. Why would you advise anyone to enter into a relationship where there is no peace or happiness to be had, only heartache, trauma, immature tantrums at every corner, while staying silent, or being a punching bag to keep the peace? Any relationship where one literally has to exist in survival mode is not a relationship but a literal war/trauma to one's body and mind.

And why is it so wrong for one to choose to remain single for life? Why is that not a better option than entering into unhealthy relationships where one will never find the connection, safety, or love that one truly desires to have?

3. You mean she should begin walking on shells, silence her emotions, and minimize herself, all so she can remain engaged to a man who is clearly immature and has shown her his true self by his actions? To what end?

Yankiss:
Oga. cars and personal effects are not the same. The sister ought to have approached her herself. Borrowing wears? Hmm. People can cross boundaries. It doesn't add up. Too unhygienic in my estimation. Don't call off nothing. Maintain your boundaries but diplomatically. If he decides to call it off, so be it. He is immature. The sissy seems to controls him.

Calling off the relationship in this case is her way of maintaining her boundary. Boundaries are a way of protecting ourselves from what we have realized is potentially harmful to us, and this man has shown he is just that to the OP. Why should she not seek to distance herself from him at this point?

You are saying he is immature and asking her not to call it off, why? So, she can remain engaged to and potentially marry the same immature man?

LOVEGINO:
no mind her. Shebi marriage na achievement for dem. She must do.

Oh sure! She is literally the one forcing the man to marry her, right?

Shawarmagirl:
The red flag is staring at you and you're contemplating. Seat him down and let him know why you don't share things with anyone, even your sister's and cousins. If he still gets angry. Please let him be. Follow your conscience

Seat him down for what? The man literally played his hand and you want her to sit him down for? He is waiting for her to play her card and best is for her to find her way at this point. 🥱

goran3310:
✓ You’re asking for money. I’m asking for you to be a young, beautiful virgin.
I have what you’re looking for. Do you have what I’m looking for?

You do you feel the need to ask her for that in what seems an attempt to invalidate her preference? Why not go find you a beautiful virgin elsewhere instead of bothering OP for that? 😕

goran3310:
Here. I meet your criteria. Now… do you meet mine?
What I’m asking from you is what every man with money will ask.
Where does that leave you in all of this?

Again, my ask was, are yourself a virgin that you would feel you are entitled to having one for a wife. Even rich men do not seek out virgins, so why require she be a virgin because you have the picture of a couple of what seems a couple naira notes ? 🥱🥱🥱