₦airaland Forum

MrPresidon:
➜Baba forget that thing, na me dey tell you out of experience... Justice Court ke.. Nigeria no be Yankee oh, especially for family matter

Did you try justice court in your situation, though? At least try it before putting it down.

nasonaso:
➜Take her picture and post it here. We will take it from there.

If she decides to pursue legal solutions, na OP go chop sheet, abi? 🥱🥱🥱

Islie:
➜https://punchng.com/kano-court-orders-tiktok-duo-to-marry-over-indecent-videos/?amp

People should begin normalizing migration out of states with stewpid laws and court systems.

jesmond3945:
➜my dear whatever you are doing for your siblings you are honouring your parents in the process
➜ and God will bless you. But I would say dont think that they might reciprocate, is a 50 50 thing. The may or may not

Don't lie to her! :-

A child should never have to take on the burden that belongs to his/her parents. Her mother did not planout her life well that is why OP is needing to shoulder all of these burdens by herself.

2. Which God? The same one that continues to let millions who dug themselves deep into poverty by their own acts continue to wade through their own sheet with not even a light at the end of that tunnel to see? What is more likely to bless OP is her efforts and her relationship with her family. If they can remain close knit — socially and emotionally— until they all succeed.

pussyphilia:
➜It is common to hear ladies say; no sex until marriage. P[b]lease don't do that with me o because another girl wey sabi what's up will just snatch me from you ooo. If a girl wants to last with me in a relationship or marry me, she has to first spoil me finish with great sex and make me addicted to her and only her. [/b]
➜ Met one banny this morning and she was talking sh1t about no sex before marriage and I don friend zone am sharp sharp. The best way any girl can make me marry her fast is to fvck me silly and make me addicted to her. I cum in piss

1. What is wrong with you? Why do you think it is the girls doing that to you when all they are doing by letting you know of their boundary is explaining to you that you are better off finding yourself some other girls instead? 🙄🙄

2. Friendzoned her? She literally told you that you are not her type and what you thought to do is claim you friendzoned her right after she probably already friendzoned you? Nonsense! 🙄🙄🙄

MistyDense:
➜A lot of pressure is on me. I don't want to do what other girls are doing. I don't want to start sleeping with men for money because I need to protect my dignity as a woman until I'm married. I've turned down a lot of suitors already because I don't want to drag them into my family's struggles and later they start insulting me for being a burden to them. I refused to marry for now because of this. Life isn't easy and hasn't being easy since the loss of our dad 10years ago.
➜ Sometimes, I stay in my room and cry all through the night. I can't share my struggles with anyone for fear of being mocked and insulted behind my back.
➜ Sometimes I feel like running far away that nobody will be able to see me or even call my lines. I'm really messed up. At times, I feel like I should just vanish from the surface of the earth. I'm just confused.

1. It is OK to hold on to standards/boundaries in life but make sure you are doing so for the right reasons and not unnecessarily burdening yourself.

2. Why not call your mother, brother and sisters together and discuss the family finances with them instead? Why carry the weight all by yourself when you can spread it around so that instead of one person carrying it, all 5 people in the house know of it and are able to regulate better to help in anyway they can? They might not be able to contribute but if the can save wherever they can, will that not go along way in helping reducing your burden/pressure— both mentally and physically?

3. What is obvious from your write up is that you are already struggling from depression and having suicidal thoughts/ideations. You need to begin opening up about your mental and physical struggles with either your family or professional mental health counselors. The best option in your situation are your family; work to overcome whatever shame or guilt is keeping you from opening up to them asap. You need to unburden yourself and that is what family is meant to be there for. Take advantage of them and free yourself from those mental shackles that are trying to strangle the life out of you.

MistyDense:
➜My mum isn't working due to her sight. She's completely Without sight. I had to hire someone to be taking care of her as we all go out for our daily activities.
➜I'm thinking of asking my younger brother to drop out for now so that the burden can reduce for now, but I don't know how to tell him because I don't know how he would feel. He's already in 200L.. It will break him I know, but I'm trying to cut cost at least for a year first, before he can return back to sch. If this happens, I fear he may take his life, due to the passion he has for sch. He's a very bright student. The most academically sound person in my family.

How old is your mother, how long has she been blind and why does she need assistance and how much do you pay for the assistance?

2. Cutting your brother off is a terrible idea.

I would rather you first and only considerd cutting mother off your mother, at least until after you and your siblings who never had a choice in any of her decisions, are done building your lives which she did not think to provide for.

natedensel:
➜she's not, there's no way my dad has a teenage child, if she was younger it'll be plausible, I'm the first and I'm still young, if she is his child it means she had her for my dad before my dad even met my mum, for someone who came into the pic months ago,
➜ secondly her mum doesn't hide the fact that she had her for someone else, nor does she look like anyone in our family, my dad taking care of another mans illegitimate child because of kitty is not strange to you then I'm done with this talk.

WOW... you clearly don't know much about the world outside of your little life. Or is this denial?

Anyways, the only way to actually verify these things is to do a DNA test— if you have yet to realize it yet, adults(including your parents, tend to lie a lot). The reason your father is invested in this woman and her children can only be revealed if you are willling to do reasonable research of your own into the relationship between the two, and then confronting your father directly, not by attacking the woman. :-

natedensel:
➜She's not a widow, she's a woman who has a child out of wedlock, a child who's a teenager, a child my dad is now sponsoring while refusing to pay my siblings school fee and other things, as for me I never get a penny from him I'm an orphan at this point cuz he's not even there, I'm just pained for my siblings who are not able to take care of themselves yet.

With the Nigerian economy in the way that it is? Do DNA test on that child to determine if he is biologically linked to you.

dauntless15:
➜All in a bid to sound wise, you did the contrary, first off its obvious you haven't experienced life and seen what people do to each other, especially women who go around wrecking homes, they don't stop at anything, and I for one have seen first hand what such women who're morally loose do to silent men and put them in a coma so much they control their lives and bank accounts making them loose their freewill and neglect their families, if you don't know this by now it means you might still be a child or a teenager,
➜ second, what sort of person are you to be insensitive to his plight? Do you know the pain you experience when someone spirals from nowhere and religate you to the background depriving you of your rights in your own home? And encouraging him to attack his father is what? So the man can turn up the heat and cut them off? I pray you experience this too so you can advise yourself to fight your dad.

This one don delulu finish! 🥱🥱🥱

A woman is morally loose because she is dating your father and has children of her own? Nonsense!

2. Telling @OP to embrace the facts of his reality rather than continue chasing shadows that will lead him nowhere means I am insensitive to his plight? Nonsense! 🥱🥱🥱

samwash:
➜@Op, your Dad and that woman don dey run side shown since even wen your Mum was the alive I guess so. Their relationship don dey since, now Wen your Mum nor dey the house again, she wan turn or take the position of the house wife.
Na your Dad get the fault for trying to neglect you and your siblings and turning his attention on the lady and her children which is very bad been that you and your siblings are his legitimate children.
Don't try fighting or making trouble with the woman , if you can talk to your Dad pls do or call the attention of some elderly ones in his family and report him to them, they will call him to order especially if he na the calm one wen dey listen to person.

What you said in bold is sort of valid. The reason I didn't consider opening that can of worms on @OP is because that opens up the possibility that OP's father might even consider the woman's kids his own flesh and blood. Yeah, they might also be @OP's father's legitimate children as well.

natedensel:
➜The problem is why can't she just LovePeddler herself and leave,
➜ why is she now trying to control a family she just invaded few months ago, now she's diverting every support my siblings are supposed to get from their father for her and her child, her grown up teenage child, did you read what I wrote at all?
➜ She's now my father's voice like she speaks for him now, isn't it logical to nip this in the bud before it becomes rooted.

1. She is not a lovepeddler, but your father's desire. The reason she is with your father is because your father desires and maybe even loves her. Your animosity towards her is misdirected because you are too afraid to confront your father for his choice in women.

You are probably one of those kids who placed their fathers on some sort of pedestal, and are having a fit because you finally see he is just a human being with a preek at the end of the day.

2. She is not controlling your family. Your father brought her in and allowed her do to you what she is doing, and if you have a problem with it, you need to grow a backbone and confront your father for this.

3. She is supposedly your father's voice because your father gave her permission — by your father's authority— to be his voice. If you don't like that, and you are truly serious about nipping this in the bud, then go confront your father. He, again, is the reason why that woman is in your life. There is no other reason.

natedensel:
➜My mum died not long ago, and my dad has a hand in her demise because her marriage was a turbulent one and she died of hbp, now shortly after she died my dad came along with one woman who is very bold and shameless, first off she already has children from another fling not marriage, and now she comes and sleeps over, infact she's not discreet about it she's bold, brazen and doesn't feel ashamed of what she's doing, recently she has gotten more relaxed , she used to mind her business, she comes and do her thing and leaves, now she overstays, and she's now meddling in our family affairs, trying to mom me and my siblings now, then turning our dad away from us, now my dad sponsors her and her child from another relationship but neglects us like he did our mom, I could easily make life miserable for her but I am not interested because I'm moving out as soon as possible, but what about my siblings, she has taken over everything and now she's my father's voice.

I am sorry, but why are you vindictively attacking the woman when the person who is destroying your family unit is not the woman but your father?

Your father chose this woman, allowed her to move herself and her children into your lives. The freedom the woman has in your life is as authorized by your father. So, what are you attacking and demeaning her for when all she does is as allowed by your very own father, whom you seem to think needs to be saved by you when in reality he is the very core of the problem you claim to have with this woman?

EdonhappenTv:
➜Drama as Katsina man climbs building to express anger after his inlaws took his wife away; refuses to come down until they return her to him.
There was tension in the Sabuwar Kofa area of Katsina State on Sunday when a yet-to-be identified man climbed a section of an uncompleted building, perched on the edge and refused to come down after his in-laws allegedly took his wife away.
According to a Katsina publication, the man said he would only come down if his in-laws return his wife.
A video sighted on Facebook shows the man clinging adamantly to the ledge of the building as some residents make an attempt to bring him down.
“Sunday this man climbed the end of this building in Sabuwar Kofa Katsina area, expressing his anger with his in-laws who came to his house and took his wife away. The man said he doesn't come down until he is returned with his wife. He is the one who is videoing him and calling him a thief. He is not a thief, he wants his wife to be returned to him,” the report reads.

This story is useless since it does not include reason why the in-laws supposedly took the wife from him.

oroje1:
➜How? You were not the one who created marriage in the first place,am I right?
➜ So if there's to be a rule for marriage it ought to come from the originator of marriage,am I right?
➜ I speak the origin of marriage from the eyes of the Bible,,,,,what source are you speaking from?

What does it matter who created what when what we have had as marriage both at the traditional and secular levels are as defined(not created) by men— ordinary human beings like you and me? 🥱🥱

2. The rules are as defined by the law which one chooses to uphold. From the much we know, the traditional/religious marriages out there are defined according to the whims of men who run religious establishments whereas the legal/secular idea of marriage are as stipulated in the legal code of the country/state. 🥱🥱

3. Stop rambling please! If you have nothing tangible to state at this point, consider moving on. 🥱🥱🥱

spencekat:
➜They are called school couples.It is a very delicate and negative act.

Nothing negative about it since they commit no crime by their acts. The negatives in society are the criminal elements, even those who operate in the schools, that society does not seem capable of focusing on more than the way women use their bodies.

oroje1:
➜My dear it seems you don't understand me.and it seems you don't know that we look at the marriage institution from different perspectives (1) the traditional view,(2) the secular view, (3) the biblical view....so if you don't know on what view or platform you're standing,you'll keep on talking from now till eternity without saying anything ,so now I ask ,from what view point are you speaking from? Tradition? Secular or Religioun?

1. Your religious ideas regarding marriage fall right under traditional ideas of marriage — they are both removed from the legally defined unit that is considered marriage. However, both types of marriage — traditional and legal/secular —have, from their beginning been tied to a form of divorce.

Demigod22:
➜The thread is about girls' lose behavior in school, that's why the emphasis is on girls, when girls here start creating topics on boys, it will be balanced.
However, of course the boys are not innocent. It takes two to fornicate. I also have male neighbors that were banging other neighbors' girls. A guy called DJ was shooting his shot on a pregnant girl who was living with her boyfriend at the time, and we condemned him for such move, but the expectant father was murdered and the girl terminated the pregnancy and moved in with that DJ guy.
My point is, the youths in school are living a denigrating life bereaved of any iota of moral compass, a decadence lifestyle, irrespective of the gender.

So, their bodily autonomy rights, the same right those boys with them exercise, are subject to your private moral delusions about them? I see!

TempleHouse:
Go to the Campus at night and see how haggling like market place for the night outing!

Are the ones doing the haggling not the same men who think they will now later find themselves virgins to marry? Nonsense!

Outthemudbyvoke:
➜These girls don't even fear anything again. Some girls legit go to school just to become somebody’s unofficial wife for 4 years. No focus, no boundaries, just vibes and “we move”.
➜ Then after school they start shouting “men are scum” like say dem no finish internship for free house chores and morning sex 😭. Truth is, not all girls are like that but the few doing it don spoil the name for serious ones. Everyone just needs to reset abeg.
➜ Truth is as young adults with raging body hormones, they need a guy to satisfy they sexual urges and to explore as well after dreaming of an imaginary freedom from parental eyes.
➜ Secondly, they crave soft life so they run into arms of financially buoyant guys on campus to cater for their feeding and little expenses. I know some girls with good moral compass that never engaged in such but that's the norm among majority as o witnessed in my college years.

1. Why should they fear anything when all they are doing is living their lives and exercising their bodily autonomy rights? They commit no crimes against anyone by that, so why should they not move with confidence? 🥱🥱🥱

2. If they experience misogyny in the process of exercising their freedoms and rights, why shouldn't they scream from the high heavens about it? 🙄 🙄

3. So, your adulthood is literally an imaginary freedom from parental eyes... that is what your adult experience has been for you? 🙄 🙄 🙄

4. If this craving of softlife a criminal offense that you should talk down on them wanting that for themselves? 🥱🥱🥱

Lanre1st:
➜Forget, it's not about school, it's about their personality and upbringing.
If I tell you what I've seen with some secondary school girls . The worst is those that are learn work, they beep without caution or sex knowledge, getting pregnant to useless guys or not even know who impregnate them among the boys.
I think the problem is not about higher institutions, it societies decadent.

Both men and women have the right to bodily autonomy, and society has, for the longest time, allowed men to exercise their rights; however, looked down on women exercising their same rights. What does that tell you about the decadence that is society?

Rexnegro:
➜I can relate chief , cause I stay in a students dominating neighborhood in Lagos , although your point are valid but don't generalise all the girls , some if not many don't do that.

You can relate because mentally, you are convinced that women owe you an explanation as far as what they can do with their bodily autonomy rights, abi?

Michaelajah:
If you want to think about a woman's passed then you don't want to marry, To see a virgin now is a BIG task.

Is the man wanting to marry a virgin himself a virgin that he should decide a woman must be a virgin? Or does he have the money to pay for her efforts in maintaining that which he could not maintain in himself?

Eniolohunda:
Despite this been happening for ages, it doesn't mean all girls are doing it.

Even if all girls decide to do it, what is wrong with that? Why are girls not allowed to do with their bodies what they wish to do with them? Who gave any one — man or woman— the right to decide what all girls can rightly do or not do? Why is the particular focus on what girls can or cannot do with their own bodies when girls have the right the bodily autonomy?

Demigod22:
➜I lived off campus and in a lodge of 45 rooms, more than 15 rooms have campus couples living campus marriage. You will see these girls cooking, washing, cleaning and being wifey.
The tertiary institutions are a crazy place. My experience for four years convinced me that I can never date a student no matter how beautiful she is.
How sex is being given and received in school like two neighbors sharing salt is mind-blowing, many girls you don't need to ask them out, during birthday party, end of the year party, neighbors in the same compound, classmates in the department, staff to students, even the bike men, a Mairuwa got a student pregnant in my school, even a secondary school boy in the University secondary school got a 300 level Sociology girl pregnant too.
Sex is really common and cheap in school. When a neighbor has a birthday and throws a party in the compound, a neighbor must bang a neighbor. Cheating and fornication piqued in school.
➜ School is the place that even the good ones turn wild. Those girls that went to school as a virgin and graduated as a virgin without smooching, sucking, fingering, masturbating, anal sex, send nudes, are quite few and rare.

The girls were playing wifey to men who lived as husbands, right? Why, in the year 2025, do you go around believing it is OK to condemn the girls for living that way, but not the boys in this case? Is it some bias against the female gender that I sense here?

2. Well, what is clear from their action is that they do not believe they owe you or anyone their virginity. So, the question is really, why do you think it your place to claim that which you have none to offer in return?

Makavelli001:
➜Hello nairalanders I want to draw u people attention to what females are doing in our higher institutions. I currently live in students environment close to a reputable tertiary institution in Nigeria. When I see what young girls who live off campus do. I WEEP for their future husband.
➜ How on earth would girls leave the rooms they rented, and go and live with their boy friend through out the years of their schooling as if they are married....IN THE NAME OF SCHOOL LIFE ! The guys will be bleeping them for FREE...
➜ Then after graduation everybody go find their way. THE SAME GIRL GO COME THE FORM RITCHO FOR MEN .
➜ Man go still marry that kind girl....PAY her bride Price....carry am put for him house! NA NOW I SEE WHY SOME OF MY FREZ SAY THEM NO GO EVER MARRY A GIRL WEY GO HIGHER INSTITUTION.

1. Let me guess, you believe or conceive that these women owe you their bodies, right?

2. Wait a second... the boyfriends these women live with, aren't they equally future husbands to other women? Why are you willing to overlook what those men do, yet you deem it your place to condemn the women for doing the same? Why do you feel you are entitled to monitor the bodies of these women and not those of the men? Who made you monitor spirits over what females can or cannot do with their own bodies?

3. Why is she not allowed to hold her head up high after graduation? Because in your mental delusion, you are the judge and jury as far as the quality of a woman's body? Are you OK in the head?

4. If a woman can marry the boyfriend who lived with her for all those times, why can't a man marry her? Let me guess, your particular delusion leads you, again, to believing the quality of a woman's body is decided, not by her, but by you?

Honestly, I don't know who did this to you all in the year 2025, but I hope you seek treatment before it is too late. Better look at what those delusions did to the generations before you. They are literally nothing to write home about as far as society and the nation are concerned. If you are looking to live as they did, please, do not procreate.

tollyboy5:
➜No traditional wedding can cost 37m. Well, it's fine. I get your point. But the guy is a loser lol. God 4bid

Loser because he was not able to keep the woman trapped by spending that money? Nonsense!

CharlotteFlair:
➜So, there's this story on front page showing footage of properties destroyed by Regina as shared by her husband Sen Ned Nwoko.
As is usual with NLers especially the men/boys, they invariably reacted with an outpouring of emotions because from inception, they hated Regina and Ned's marriage because according to them, she married Ned because of his wealth and not for love.
Not a single person on that thread wondered why the video didn't show Regina smashing the car's windscreen or poking holes into the cane chair shown in the video and shattering the windows or whatever.
They all believed she did it without asking the most salient question. Where's the video of evidence of Regina doing those things?. Don't you have CCTV camera in your house?

Even if she did in fact destroy the properties in question, what part of that excuses the supposed domestic abuse against her person by her husband? That is what I am more interested in learning.

If she did indeed cause damage to his property, then he should have charged her and had her pay for the damages. Why was she supposedly assaulted because of damaged property? Does that even make sense for a sitting senator— a lawmaker — to suggest?

oroje1:
➜If your advice is to walk away when just feel like it,
➜ then you don't know the essence of marriage.when you get married you enter into a bidding oath for life, except there's adultery then you can walk away. but if there's threat to life or a man is not willing to provide for his wife then she can lat separate from him.....
➜ See marriage is not by force, if you're not willing to be under the oath or under the sacred nature of the union then just stay away and enjoy your single life...na so I see am o

From the time of your literal ancestors, walking away(aka unofficial divorce) in the form of spousal abandonment has been literally praised over and over until much recent times when the government decided to criminalize it in favor of official divorce.

This has nothing to do with me advising anyone, but more to do with a concept sanctioned as a valid end to marriage since the time of your ancestors.

2. Divorce has been an aspect of marriage for thousands of years before you were conceived. If you don't know and understand this, then surely, you know nothing about marriage but the lies you have been brainwashed with. Some of your ancestors walked away(spousal abandonment) from marriage if they simply did not like a wife's hairdo, but here you are in 2025, telling us stories of how only in the case of adultery can a person walk out of marriage. What nonsense!

3. You literally don't understand what "Marriage is not by force" means, do you?

"Marriage is not by force" means that at any time in the union, a partner can decide he/she no longer wishes to continue with the partnership, and nothing can be done about that. Any attempts to keep the individual in the union against his/her will amount to kidnapping/entrapment, and that could lead to criminal charges and prosecution.

TV01:
➜And please evidence that resentment , compromise and suppressed desires are features peculiar to the marriage institution or even marital relationships . Try being 40+ without spousal support or a caring family. Bet your last dime such a one would trade all they have for the most dysfunctional family ever. I have lived it and I see it.

This claim in bold is another lambda that is sold to those in religious/traditional circles to scare them away from singlehood.

There are today 100s of millions of women living their single life — without spousal support or a caring family(marriage bound)— who are happy, not depressed or suppressed in any way. Women who opt for continuing on in singlehood rather than choose marriage tend to live longer than married women do(this includes the population of women who leave marriages to pursue the single life). Many of them are in their 70s and above, and without any of the negatives that your gods of men have long told you, follow those who choose the single life over marriage. The world is now more than aware that marriage and happiness are not concepts that go hand in hand, like we have all been brainwashed to believe in the past. (Happiness, peace, joy, self-love, etc., exist outside of marriage.)

What is more than clear is that your ideas regarding the place and benefits of marriage in society and in the lives of individuals are not based on facts but on delusions, which seem sold to you by those within the religious/traditional circles.