₦airaland Forum

fxexperts:
➜ You and always believing controversy is something else. She said she needed to find herself, what other truth or lie do you want to hear from her again. Why must you always conclude that she was treated badly or vice versa. ....

Your particular issue has nothing to do with me. And this nonsensical rambling you posted means absolutely nothing outside of that tincan of yours.

The man's friend supposedly came out claiming his friend — the husband— told him that his bride walked out after 2 weeks, deciding she needed to go "Find herself!" Who else would I need to ask to expand on the story in this case, if not the husband who took it on himself to spread the tale to his open-mouth friend?

This dumbarse sheet where you all feel the need to trauma dump on unsuspecting passersby needs to end, abeg! 🙄🙄

Iamzik:
➜Oroje1 is right. Most women have 3 major goals when it comes to marriage
1. Get married
2. Have children
3. Get the man to pay bills till they kingdom come
Once they achieve 1&2 they check out emotionally, and transfer all their love to the children. At this point the man is only useful for 3 and if he attempts to find love outside it's a problem...
If the man cannot do 3 they will look for another man who can do it.... Even if the woman is rich she will still look for a man to do 3 because she believes her own money is not for taking care of the family...only God knows what most women intend to do with all the money they are hiding.
at this point she will disrespect the man and subtly turn the children against him. No appreciate, no gratitude, no affection. Then the man goes into depression and becomes a shadow of himself. Some women will start cheating and later divorce the husband and take their children with them...if you don't believe me go to Facebook and see their bitter comments under various posts about marriage and divorce
This is the unfortunate story of most marriages today. If you still want to marry as a man I suggest open your eyes wide. Love is not enough

. This is a useless epistle since I made it clear that a man has the right to walk out of a relationship whenever he chooses. Same way, a woman can walk out of even a marriage whenever she is done. (She can always leave the kids with the man if she is not financially able to raise them in a joint situation, at least— I advise women to have only as many kids as they can raise alone.)

A woman does not owe a man what the man is himself unwilling to give her. If a man cannot appreciate, show gratitude, or affection to his wife, then he should not expect any from her. So?

TV01:
➜Marriage is not required to perpetuate the species, however there is simply no better way. Unless you can demonstrate otherwise. And, there is plenty of room, for love, for happiness and for personal fullfiment on top.
➜ Indeed, marriage and family can literally satisfy those things on their own. Further, how many endeavours are there that cannot be undertaken due to marriage? Or any not made sweeter by accomplishing them while being married.

This is also a severely flawed statement to make. Because humans have generally not tried other ways DOES NOT then mean that the one way that humans have generally tried is the better way.

2. Family comes in different shapes and sizes, and marriage happens to be just one of those different shapes and sizes.

tollyboy5:
➜ Everything is wrong if the spending is from one side only. Infact it's a red flag

. Nothing is wrong with that since it all depends on the contract between the couple.

For instance, in the Traditional marriage system, the man is expected to be the major spender and provider. If the man chose instead a partnership, then maybe the woman would have to bring her share. Traditional is not shoved down anyone's throat, so there is absolutely nothing wrong with the man alone footing the bill.

TV01:
➜Au contraire! Why do you think that over time, marriage (and I refer specifically to Christian covenantal marriage) has become the bedrock of flourishing societies? Let me put it this way; please present any other relationship type that would be the optimal vehicle for raising children, being a wonderful way of sharing mutual love, support and companionship, whilst at the same time engendering community stability and harmony. Understand this, society champions marriage due to the great utility of marriage to society

. This, here, is a bloody arse lie! The idea that is the Christian marriage is a performative production clipped together— through skimming over of truths — to give the illusion of happiness when it is in fact nothing of what is claimed behind closed doors.

Growing up, we used to live not far from our Deeper Life pastor, and this man's family seemed to do all that they could to present their home as wholesome and without struggle. They curated everything to the detail. All the women in the church looked up to the pastor's wife because she took time to dress as though life was smooth because of their Christian god and so on. Even the kids, a bit closed off, also dressed and looked the part. Fast forward a couple of years, and we find out that the man had been cheating on his wife for a long time, and the wife had been struggling with depression, all while keeping house. We learnt that he eventually ran off with the other woman, and the wife and kids had to run away in shame almost overnight. Never saw them again, and we were neighbors.

Now, of course, one might say that this one situation cannot be used to judge the rest, and you will be right to state this. But here's the thing, I noticed similar patterns pretty much every other Christian marriage I have encountered over the decades after that first encounter, which I had with that one family, back in Ikorodu, when I was about 8 years of age. That need to represent — the performative aspect — literally with the intentions to hide or mask the reality of life and living for the couple(and their children) is almost always present in Christian homes.

Harddiskng:
➜Nope she didn’t. Plus women won’t invest in who doesn’t believe in, so nothing like feeling trapped cuz a women make conscious marital investment decisions.
➜If man realize things like this, there would less of this kinda stories. She doesn’t invest in the relationship: news flash, she is not the one!

This response makes no sense since the OP, no matter how half-arsed it is, indicates the woman invested her time—recall, time na money — and then decided two weeks into the marriage that it ain't worth it.

2. This is also a rather simplistic take on what men would do if they were to realize the red flags early, since time and time again, like women, men have shown they are equally prone to ignoring red flags.

Harddiskng:
➜Would this have happened if she contributed significantly to the relationship?➜Women find it very extremely hard to leave their investments.

You mean instead that women feel trapped where they are invested in a situation? This is, of course, assuming the woman did not contribute any financial effort towards the wedding reception, right?

tollyboy5:
➜He should just count his loss and move on. Why on earth will I spend 37m on wedding wen we can do parlour wedding?
Except the bribe family are ready to spend lol

Nothing wrong with spending even more than that on a wedding or reception. Just that there are literally still people out there who have yet to realize that money does not equal a marriage guarantee. According to OP, the man's friend felt to bring the half-arse story to public space, not understanding that this would damage his own friend, not the girl.

jmoore:
➜Smear? Bring evidence of the domestic abuse.

What is the relevance of the throwback picture to the domestic violence accusation she leveled against her husband if not to distract attention from the accused Senator?

If OP meant it as an attempt to invalidate the woman's accusation, then it is one of the stewpidest attempts ever made.

jmoore:
Throwback pictures of Regina Daniels smoking

Arrgghh! You lot are going as far as to bring pictures from probably as far back as her early teens to smear her image too?😫😫😫😫😫

By the way, why is this woman not allowed to smoke in a club again? Was there some prenup that she signed that says she cannot smoke at a club that warrants this smear campaign? All this says is that this domestic violence accusation might, in fact, be true.

ledaman:
➜get my point, I didn't generalised my assertion.
➜ I Said some kids raised by single parent are mostly having issues based on psychology not all Some of them takes irrational decision.

You had no point. Points cannot exist in a vacuum. Either there is substance to them — as in the case of facts — or there is absolutely no substance at all —falsehood.

Some kids raised in two-parent households also end up psychologically and emotionally damaged, and some kids raised in two-parent households also make irrational decisions. This implies that your earlier statement was an absurd generalization, revealing you do not have a point.

Since we are done with the inane generalizations, let's then focus on exactly what it is that actually impacts kids' psychological and emotional growth overall. Studies have shown that it is the raising of children in toxic, unhappy, unfulfilling, emotionally draining, stressful environments/families that is most to blame for them becoming psychologically and emotionally damaged, even much later in life. That damage causes children to exist in fight-or-flight mode from as young as infancy, and that damage literally follows most of them for life, since many to this day avoid accepting mental health care because of the shame attached to it by a society that would rather continue living in ignorance of what is literally right before its eyes.🤔

It is literally better for a child to be raised by only one emotionally mature and responsible adult than for a child to have to endure even one emotionally stunted adult, even if in a two-parent household. 😶😶

ledaman:
➜It not easy the way you just analysed it oo. Single parent raising children affects the kids pyiscally and psychologically

You mean all the psychologically damaged individuals in Nigeria —who literally make up the majority of Nigerians out there—were all raised by single parents? All your corrupt officials, your pastors, and imams were all raised by single parents? 🥱🥱🥱

ledaman:
✓ We are talking about practically, you are talking about study. Am talking about real facts and reality . Well, I guess you didn't have practical experience that's why you called it lies.
✓ Children raised by both parents tends to prosper more than children raised by single parent. Because of check and balance given by both parents

. You don't know that studies are carried out on real human beings -- actual children from divorced backgrounds compared to children from no-divorce backgrounds— in these areas? Have you ever actually read any such study for you to declare they are not actual studies done?

Again, stop trading what are established as nonsensical lies. and mostly religious nonsense! 🥱🥱🥱

gtassure:
You are still ignorant about Nigeria situation as regards divorce. Particularly, as it regards women!
Women don't get rewarded financially in divorce cases like other countries in the west!
When they do get favourable rulling in court, it's usually not enforceable dues to Nigerian factor!
So, you should shushyour mouth when it comes to issue regarding homeland!

I said nothing of divorce of divorce n this case but marriage. When you lived in your papa house, did you not feel entitled to an allowance even without any laws explicitly stating you should br given one? We'll, a wife is also entitled to the dividends of her marriage while contributing her labor and time to the building of said marriage. She is not a slave and the labor laws expect she should be paid for her labors. Unfortunately, in Nigeria women see themselves as slaves to love and the traditional system which boasts no actual written laws thrive on keeping them ignorant of their rights when abusing them.

ledaman:
It not easy the way you just analysed it oo.
Single parent raising children affects the kids pyiscally and psychologically

Study after study have sufficiently debunked old claims that children are better off raised in a toxic, unhealthy, damaged, and/or unfulfilling marriage..how long will you lot continue to hold on to the lies of the past against your very futures? 🥱🥱🥱

abbey621:
➜They are not entitled to anything
➜ until it is backed by law as it was done in the UK and US in the 1970s, unfortunately the men and the WOMEN that make laws in this country have other priorities, getting fat from public funds.....SHAME!

I disagree with this! The thing about traditional marriage is that it is not written anywhere in stone, yet people to this day pretend it is an ironclad arrangement that should be followed no matter what. Why? Because the system thrives on the ignorance of the female gender.

Marriage is already an agreement/contract between a man and a woman. The contract allows the women to make arrangements to have their own allowance from the dividends of the marriage. The law does not literally need to spell these things out. They put in labor during their time in the marriage, and they should know they are not slaves but partners in the marriage. If the man can enjoy the dividends of the marriage, they too should be entitled to their own share.

What you had in the UK is a legal marriage, not a traditional marriage. And bad then, the law literally had to specify that women couldn't receive so and so. Those limitations are what had to be removed, leaving the contracts up to individual couples to add whatever conditions they wish. Nigerian legal marriage laws are defined a lot similarly to what is obtained in the US and UK. Marital property is recognized, and yes, depending on the circumstances, women are entitled to a portion of it. But that is not what this is about now.

abbey621:
➜6 kids and then casted out without being provided for, this is the main issue with divorce in 9ja and unless something is done about it, many women would rather kpai the husband than to get a divorce without sharing of assets.

It is due to financial abuse. Nigeria's traditional marriage system breeds financial abuse of women. These women are entitled to a portion of the dividends of the marriage — a portion of the earnings regularly for their labor and time contributed to the marriage. Unfortunately, the system thrives on keeping women ignorant and subdued.

OneCandleAway:
➜No, I doubt he married her for virginity. It was Laila the one before Regina that was a virgin. He said he liked Regina and they are from same state. Regina that was already very exposed, even a madam forcing girls to sleep with men

I don't really know much about these entities except the stuff posted on Nairaland that I skim through every now and then. My only interest in this story happens to be because the man became a senator at some point.

yottravels:
➜Now, there’s deviation and intentional support for one party.
➜ Remember, she made the promise by herself because it’s obvious her pay could cover it.
➜ If she was to navigate the green card process by herself, would you still say the same? Anyway, thank you for your opinions.

1. Huh?

2. She made the promise, yes. However, she is unable to meet the obligation at this time. Are you trying to get the money, or are you trying to blow up the issue needlessly? Which is it?

If the money, why not have her give you the much as she can at this time, and over the next months, collect the rest from her. (Of course, have her agree on how much to expect for each installment— signed and all.)

3. Navigate it herself, how? What do you mean? Are you implying that because she did not have the $900 at the time the application was filed, she would never have been able to get the money at all, or something? I don't understand what you are getting at. Or are you suggesting she lacks the intelligence to file the paperwork necessary? What?

deltateam:
➜You read the write-up without understanding anything. The woman that fainted due to nowhere to go is who you want to give 2 weeks joint custody?
➜ You don't mean well for her. Anyway women should know marriage is not an escape from poverty. They should work on themselves and get something doing for themselves.
➜ Regina Daniels even with her husband billions is still making efforts on her own.

She has the right to shared custody of those kids, even if she ends up needing to live in her grandmother's house with them.

2. Did she mean well for herself, having 6 kids, she knows she could not have been able to raise them on her own if the man had died before this, or refusing to gain financial independence before having them?

My primary concern is the children who need their parents in their lives still.

3. Nonsense! 🙄🙄

yottravels:
➜I don’t know what you meant by “leveled himself up even after being admitted on an F1 visa”.
F1 is a student visa. The husband entered first for a masters program.
➜ The wife has absolute control over her finances. She supports with some of the household expenses but the husband still carries largest chunk of the household expenses

. Getting a master's degree is levelling up one's credentials.

2. Having absolute control over her finances is not really the issue here. The issue is more about how much she makes compared to how much she is responsible for. If she makes minimum wage, she may not be able to meet so many of her bills and also have enough left over to handle her leveling up needs, etc.

I guess I should ask what exactly you intend to get from this woman, who made it clear that she is unable to pay the $900 at this point. Why was your main intention behind creating this thread?

She says she does not have it and you two are not looking to go your separate ways, so what exactly do you want to gain from us?

koladata:
I don't correct English because It's a foreign language and I embrace local language more, but this thing is "birds of a feather flock together", not birds of the same feather .... I'm tired of explaining it to people.

Learn to read.

Kobojunkie:
They say, "Birds of the same feather, flock together." OP has simply realized and found himself exactly where he needs to be.

They, in this case, are Nigerians.

yottravels:
➜The husband came in on F1 visa. Filed for the wife and son to come in on F2 visa. The husband took student loan to complete school. After graduation, the husband also spent a lot of money to get approved for the employment based green card petition and made the wife and son beneficiaries.
➜ They filed for PR when their priority date became current. The husband gathered money including credit cards to file the application (about $4000) while the wife promised to pay the $900 so that some of the credit cards could be paid

1. So, the husband went to school and leveled himself up even after being admitted on an F1 visa. What about the wife? What does she do for a living?

2. How long ago was this filing since the texts reveal she had a baby, and did not work for 11 months? What happened? And why is she unable to pay her side of the bill? I am trying to understand why she has so many other "separate" bills to deal with if she is part of a household.

Sirjamo:
Adultery is the only thing that can make me divorce my wife. Who would take care of the children like her? I'd rather take a second wife.
I believe mothers should be there for their children, no matter what.

The man can take care of his own children since they are also his. The woman should leave the children with him since she claims she has nowhere to go.

IslamVIRGINS:
➜Bobo I said this one you're following is community life if not private abi?

I am not following anybody here. Simply commenting on a thread that seems to impact a sitting Nigerian senator, a public official.

IslamVIRGINS:
➜This one you're following is what jare?

A sitting Nigerian senator is accused of domestic violence.... it is a big deal.

IslamVIRGINS:
➜Are you still in doubt? Marriage that have crashed even before now!

I don't follow their private life, so no doubt or belief at all here. I am only interested in learning where the conclusion of domestic violence really comes from.