₦airaland Forum

Feldie:
Most women hate their husbands

Do their husbands love them?

greatiyk4u:
➜You seem to have been understanding the right up from a different angle.....I narrated what moved me to get in marriage at the time I did and cannot go into full details about my children and others.....the message is clear about what moved me into marriage not what happened thereafter
➜ If she were disturbed, of course she would have gone na

1. Indeed, the message is clear that what moved you to marry your wife was not your love for your wife or a desire to be in a relationship with her. But rather, a need to provide hospice care for your parents for free and as well as grandbabies, for them to feel good about.

2. You picked a highly vulnerable individual — an orphan with siblings to care for— to implement your goals with. And then you proceeded to have three kids with her, knowing that many women hesitate to leave when kids are already in the picture. You trapped her in a situation that she literally cannot walk away from without serious backlash from society and even her own siblings. That she has chosen to remain over the years DOES NOT at all mean she is not disturbed by all of it.

Even Osinachi stayed until she eventually lost her life. A woman staying in a marriage DOES NOT mean she is not disturbed or regretful.

greatiyk4u:
➜You seem to be more disturbed than the the woman in question. She is a banker

. Oh, the woman is disturbed, too?

2. What has her being a banker got to do with the fact that she was married for the purpose of being a caregiver for your parents and producing babies for their pleasure? Your write-up does not even include anywhere that you even love the children she birthed, as it seems to be all about making your parents happy.

greatiyk4u:
➜As it should be and expected

As it should be and expected, abi? That is the reason why you had to pick yourself the perfect prey for what you and your parents planned, a woman who had no parents— according to you, she is literally an orphan with siblings to care for — to talk sense into her, abi?

Towma:
➜Men and audacity sha! Imagine if a woman started a topic to say she only got married because she needed a husband to provide for her aged parents.

Just imagine! Caregiver wife to his parents, and later on, hospice wife to OP as well. I can only imagine the kind of things that go through her head when she tries to reason her situation. Of course, that is assuming she can reasonably do so with 3 children; her mind may not even be able to fathom what she has done to herself.

Orlandoo:
Many have lost their lives to maids in the past.

So, many have not equally lost their lives to wives or even their own children in the past, abi? Nonsense!

greatiyk4u:
➜They rejected the idea of maid though the later accepted but they saw a wife more of a family and companion, a shoulder to lean on than a maid who has kpi. They were indirectly looking for grand children from us.

WOW... I knew OP's whole family had to have been in on the whole thing.

dollypi:
I see...you were whining over my post for a different reason... As you were

Your post suggested that the woman was a predatory female... a narcissist... when nothing of what OP stated about her so far points in that direction. I simply pointed this out, so how does that constitute whining?

TenQ:
➜The question every person in courtship should ask themselves is "Can I live with the consequences of each of his weaknesses!?" If you cannot, why go on with the Wedding in the first place.
No one can change another person: it is an impossibility! As you make your bed, so you sleep on it!

@OP, please note how this new submission directly contradicts previous claims made by this same person, so-called marriage counselor? Earlier, this same person had claimed that through your submission to hell in marriage(struggle-love), you would eventually cause your husband to change.

It is the same way they have managed to convince 10s of millions of Nigerian women, all over the world, that through their numerous prayers and endurance in toxic, unhealthy, unfulfilling marriages, they could elicit change in husbands that literally hate them. Year after year, many of these women go to their graves — many due to the toxicity in their marriages — never seeing any of the changes promised them by their religious gods of men.

This is why I tell people to seek out a professional marriage counseling and none of these religious frauds out there. A professional counselor would not fill your brain with contradictory ideas— religion-filled biases, aka nonsense—, such as those this one has so far.

---

@OP, if you are intending to opt for separation, be sure to consult a lawyer to know what you might lose if you choose that route. Abroad, a married couple literally has almost everything joined together... bills, loans, etc. Even in separation, he remains your closest relative with legal access to your assets, your primary decision maker if anything happens, and so on. If during your separation, your husband takes out loans and all other things, you, as his wife, will have to have a part in paying back those bills. Talk to a lawyer before deciding on a separation alone.

JaySmart4422:
I was rejected n humiliated cos of money today I have the money but I don't see my family as family anymore

You have money? You mean something like you have at least Naira 30 million in savings for emergencies only, while you have a roof over your head and a reliable source of income(not a month-to-month paycheck), abi?

You'd better go keep working on improving yourself and your finances as a whole, and stop worrying about whether your family would finally come to stroke your ego after the previous humiliation or not.

This woman's story may give insight as to why many women do not do it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YBCMcE3bPxU?si=i6ztfeZHTs5m5WHt

Watch between 7:29 and 14:38 for information about why her husband was not celebrated by her, a 107-year-old woman.

Ozzyk:
➜Thank you... People are making it like it's about sex mainly....She had even refused light touches to sensitive parts. She will start slapping my hand from her body and give me some bombastic side eye look.... There's no bond and connection at all. She could travel at this time for a month and I won't even miss her.....

WOW.... I thought I read you say somewhere that you two were in love with each other before the marriage, and all? Was it only lust after all?

Ozzyk:
➜You're wrong...if you had visit ante natal clinic. This is must topic of discussion during health education...

Ogbeni, when next you go for antenatal care, be sure to inquire about the reason behind the questions instead of rushing to conclude that it must have something to do with easing childbirth for the woman.

Again, frequency of sexual intercourse during or before pregnancy DOES NOT ease childbirth. Women are asked questions during pregnancy mainly for research and monitoring purposes. Such information is collected to help monitor the pregnancy progress and the mother's condition before childbirth, while also aiding in understanding her well as overall sexual education at that time.

Bobxin:
➜I thought sex during pregnancy is necessary for easy delivery? Am I missing something?

That is one of those many lies your forefathers brainwashed you all with. There is no strong scientific consensus between the frequency of sexual intercourse and the ease of childbirth.

A woman could have sex morning, noon, and night, every day during pregnancy, and still end up having some of the worst childbirth experiences.

dollypi:
✓ According to you, a virgin must automatically desire her husband...pshew

According to me where? At least try to dey avoid these senseless lies at this age! 🥱🥱🥱

emmyN:
✓ Thankfully, we're both against religion.

The coming from someone who, just comments ago, literally attempting winding his life around the book called the bible right before deploying ss a weapon against women.

RealityKings1:
I thought a citizen can effect an arrest and hand over a suspect to the police

Ehn? You interpret what he did as citizen arrest? 🥱🥱🥱

emmyN:
✓ How about you sit down and humbly ask to be schooled in the content of 'that book'? Of course you're not interested. So who is peddling a lie here? Yeah, you got that right—you are! You're welcome .

Religion ans wickedness to women, children, and humanity in general... Na certified thing! 🥱🥱🥱

greatiyk4u:
➜The marriage has produced 3 kids and progressing in love and mutual understanding. Age gap of 5 years

OK.

greatiyk4u:
➜Sorry she is not toxic woman....... family values differ and she is very happy with my parents that a day hardly passes without her speaking with my parents on phone, though she is an orphan but I have been doing great to her siblings who take my house as their home

Yeah... sure! How old is she right now? And what is the age gap?

TWoods:
➜All of which she promptly withdrew once she got what she wanted - a ring and a baby. Your point?

I continue not to see your point since OP never hinted at his wife completely withdrawing sex and affection from him after a ring and a baby. How you even arrived at those being what she wanted.... I fail to see in any of what OP posted so far about his woman.

emmyN:
➜What she doesn't realize is that she is committing adultery. Bible-defined adultery is not centered on extra-marital sex alone.

You people are just wicked. You wrap your lies around that book every chance you get all so you could humiliate and demonize women every chance you get.

TWoods:
➜That is not true. It's not so much the sex op has complained about, but the complete withdrawal of ALL forms of affection.
➜ As he puts it, he is no better than a roommate with his supposed wife.
➜ To pretend it's just about sex, so we can hide behind "she's pregnant" is just as dishonest as a woman who knows she has a very low sexual libido leading a man into a marriage she fully does not intend to commit to.

Again, OP tested her ability to give and receive affection and gave her his approval.

2. No! This, he also said, happened after she began withdrawing from him— after she realized she was pregnant. The two of them existing now, sort of like roommates, OP points out, is due to them having no physical romantic or sexual contact beginning after she realized she was pregnant.

3. Are you trying to add your own pieces to the story for OP, or something?

4. Like I said, many of our mothers and grandmothers were such women, and they too powered through those low libidos to allow their husbands to get all of their pleasure from those same bodies. (Yes, even low-libido/asexual women thrived in marriages back in the days.) OP did not say that his wife has a low libido, nor did he suggest she be asexual, though. So, I am not certain why you are so certain she is.

TWoods:
➜If she refused to even kiss and smooch before marriage, likely op would have chosen not to marry her. Lots of asexual women put up with sex to get married or have kids.

The major reason why asexual women choose marriage is because society tells women they are nothing without men. And many of us have mothers and grandmothers who are asexual women, but were forced into marriage and then had to force themselves to accept having their bodies poked and prodded in marriage. So, let's please stop trying to paint asexual women black or as bad women.

According to OP, he tested her ability to give and receive affection before marriage and did not find her wanting. This means she ticked all of the right boxes for him — she is the wife material of his choice. That she has not been giving him affection ever since discovering that she is pregnant is something entirely different. It does not matter whether you think she is asexual or not, as what matters is that she submitted to marriage and was accepted by OP as his partner as-is.

Other than not giving him sex and remaining firm about her decision, OP hasn't complained about anything else about his wife. Why make her out to be a villain?

TWoods:
➜This doesn't make sense. If she were only choosing not to have sex, I would understand. She's basically shut down any form of affection completely. How is it crazy to expect that newlyweds would want to touch each other, hug, kiss, and hold hands? Bizarre.

There are several reasons why a person can literally shut down in that way, and some of them happen to be psychological. Fear/Anxiety is a major reason why many people do so.

You literally concluded that the woman is asexual, and I am unable to share your conclusion, given that OP himself revealed that they would kiss and smooch before marriage. Could she end up revealing, after her limited sexual experience with just OP, that she would rather become asexual? Sure! But given OP's own claims, I doubt it is anything like that.

OP literally told his story from the point of his not getting his libido and want for affection satisfied, and didn't really reveal much else except that this all started after the woman realized she had taken in, and according to him, has not impacted her daily life. Without much else to go by, the best we can do is point him towards allowing the woman, whom he assures us is brand new to sex and pregnancy, to wrap her mind around potential fears that may be associated with such changes in the life of a woman. Simple!

Ozzyk:
➜Hormonal changes also stops me from touching her? This is a lady that goes about her daily activities like every other normal day She doesn't even entertain little touches not to talk of romance or smooching We're just like housemates who share the same bed together No connection, no bond no chemistry

You married a woman without an established sexual history — you literally have no reference to work off of as far as her sexual history—expecting that she would automagically jump into your sexual rhythm right after marriage. I am afraid what you need to check at this point are your expectations. What choice do you have other than to let her work through her issues and come out to explain it to you when she is ready to? 🥱🥱🥱

Starz825:
➜Trust you Been waiting for your comment

I guess I should thank you for taking the time to spot and read my comments then, right ?

elipheleh:
➜No explain too much. No damage control needed. We know ash*wo Be proud about it. Just open ash*wo institute already

My guess is a lot of you would also judge your grandmothers and mothers as asha**wos if she were brought before you while you had to have a blindfold on. So, I tell women not to think anything of it when you refer to them by the same names you would your own blood if the situation were right... asha^^wos

greatiyk4u:
➜She was visiting them and my parents accepted coming to relax in my house in the city after my marriage claiming to be more relaxed with her.

She was visiting your old parents, who cannot even take care of themselves without you being there to take care of them? You basically recruited this woman under the guise of being a wife, as a nanny for your parents. This is a family of manipulators.

By the time that poor girl realizes what happened to her, she would probably have become so physically and mentally exhausted by it all.

dollypi:
➜She doesn't desire you sexually. A woman who desires a man will move mountains for a chance to sleep with him, and she won't give him rules like she's giving you The attached sounds like your case ..

Na wa oo! I blame OP for coming here to complain after marrying himself his virgin, whom he desired and wanted ooo! He chose to marry a woman without a sexual history as a wife.

So, like play like play the woman is now, not only an olosho, an adultery, but also a narcissist, all for telling OP— this only after realizing she is pregnant— that she is not interested in sex? 🙄🙄🙄

brain54:
➜If you waited for 2 years of courtship...You should put back your waiting cap for 9 months of pregnancy. By the way I am not a fan of no sex before marriage for the simple reason of sexual compatibility. I believe these are part of things that should be observed during courtship. Just be decent about it and not use it as excuse for waywardness!

I hope you are equally a fan of compensating the woman for using her body and time during those extramarital runs.

A lot of women have been left high and dry carrying the bag after these extramarital encounters(not saying the same does not happen after marriage, by the way) by men(who wanted to test their virginity/compatibility). Are you certain you would wish for your daughter to be tested in the same manner by a man with an over 90% chance he would turn out to be a creep in the end?