₦airaland Forum

greatiyk4u:
➜She was visiting them and my parents accepted coming to relax in my house in the city after my marriage claiming to be more relaxed with her.

She was visiting your old parents, who cannot even take care of themselves without you being there to take care of them? You basically recruited this woman under the guise of being a wife, as a nanny for your parents. This is a family of manipulators.

By the time that poor girl realizes what happened to her, she would probably have become so physically and mentally exhausted by it all.

dollypi:
➜She doesn't desire you sexually. A woman who desires a man will move mountains for a chance to sleep with him, and she won't give him rules like she's giving you The attached sounds like your case ..

Na wa oo! I blame OP for coming here to complain after marrying himself his virgin, whom he desired and wanted ooo! He chose to marry a woman without a sexual history as a wife.

So, like play like play the woman is now, not only an olosho, an adultery, but also a narcissist, all for telling OP— this only after realizing she is pregnant— that she is not interested in sex? 🙄🙄🙄

brain54:
➜If you waited for 2 years of courtship...You should put back your waiting cap for 9 months of pregnancy. By the way I am not a fan of no sex before marriage for the simple reason of sexual compatibility. I believe these are part of things that should be observed during courtship. Just be decent about it and not use it as excuse for waywardness!

I hope you are equally a fan of compensating the woman for using her body and time during those extramarital runs.

A lot of women have been left high and dry carrying the bag after these extramarital encounters(not saying the same does not happen after marriage, by the way) by men(who wanted to test their virginity/compatibility). Are you certain you would wish for your daughter to be tested in the same manner by a man with an over 90% chance he would turn out to be a creep in the end?

greatiyk4u:
➜You are either from a broken home or grew up with no love. Family is everything

Family is everything, and it is for this reason that you willfully recruited another person's daughter as a wife to provide free labor and resources to cater to just your family, right?

greatiyk4u:
➜.... I made up my mind to marry my girlfriend that I dated from the university because I knew she would be my partner, and together, we could give my parents the happiness and companionship they deserved. I wanted to repay their selflessness and sacrifice by giving them a sense of security and joy in their later years.[/b]
➜ Marrying her wasn't just about us; it was about building a life together that would bring happiness to my parents. I'm grateful to have found someone who shares my values and loves my family as much as I do.

Rather than hire a live-in help to provide your parents with the care they need, you chose to marry your girlfriend, so that she would come in to provide them with the labor they require, at a highly subsidized price, probably next to free.

2. Adding this here does not change any of what you had already previously revealed as the real reason why you felt to "wife" that girl.

Ozzyk:
➜Overwhelmed by what exactly?? Her pregnancy doesn't stop her from doing her day to day activities. She goes to work, goes to market, do her business, goes to church for rehearsals and on Sundays. She does everything pretty good [/b]except bedroom duties. [b]So far her pregnancy symptoms is very mild. No vomiting, no spitting, no high temperature. Just loss of food appetite sometimes....

This is ignorant speak coming from a human being in 2025. Pregnancy affects women differently. Rather than make these statements, I suggest you go get books on pregnancy to study, so you don't destroy your woman with your ignorance.

I had initially wanted to ask that maybe you should both spend time discussing how she feels in general about the pregnancy, but given your response, I suggest that she maybe have conversations with her mother, father, or other more open-minded women around her instead about these things. And if it turns out she is not handling it well mentally, she should see a professional mental health counselor asap.

lovemaths:
➜You guys should book a session with a qualified marriage counsellor

I think it is still early in the relationship for that. I was going to recommend a psychiatric evaluation if it turns out the woman is somewhat overwhelmed by it all.

jaszplus12:
➜That's why I said i made a rash decision...

Kidnap na rash decision?

Ozzyk:
26

And your age bracket?

Ozzyk:
➜I'm on 6 weeks leave immediately after our wedding She resumes work the 3rd week after our wedding Whenever she goes to work I do the cooking, and cleaning and other basic home duties before she comes back from work.
By the time she comes back she'd just eat press phone and sleep But still all these doesn't yield anything positive

These ideas do not work magic but do help in some way. Something tells me that the issue may be psychological. How old is the woman in question?

Emmanuel30a:
➜What would you do for me or to me, if or when you loves me...?

That depends on the particular contract between the two individuals in the relationship. So, you would have to work with your partner to resolve the meaning of love in your particular situation.

Emmanuel30a:
➜How can I know if a woman loves me...?

The same way a woman cannot really know a man who loves her unless every one of his actions shows it— basically, his actions up completely with his words.

But anyway, I don't buy the "marrying wrong" theory since change is a constant with humans.

jaszplus12:
My rash decision and anger led me into police cell for a night. A guy brushed my car and drove off, chased him down pulled him right through the window of his battered pick-up truck threw him into my car and despite his pleas I drove him to the police station and called my police friend there.
So the guy settled the police man cos by then I'd calmed down, and I drove him now all sober back to where his pick-up was left, silly me.
Well, i got to my room and I'm less than 30 minutes I got a call from my police friend that I should meet him at the spot where I caught up with the driver. So i went back there...and my mouth dried up immediately...
Standing around were 6 hefty and angry looking policemen of the Anti kidnap squad! One entered my car and ordered me to drive to the police headquarters...left with no option I followed his orders. Getting there i was told it's a kidnap case!! How?? They said the driver's relatives had called that he had been kidnapped by a huge guy driving a small car (Peugeot 206). And since it was already 10pm i would be locked up till morning before a file would be open for me.
➜I began to prepare for the worst possible scenario in the cell. Would I be beaten? Punished or made to do something I wouldn't want?
To be continued....

1. Dude, you literally kidnapped him.

2. When you reported the driver for swiping your car, did you get any compensation? My guess is the driver is equally going to demand compensation for being kidnapped, but I don't know.

Ozzyk:
➜I tried at first to reason with her excuses throughout last month until last week that it doesn't seem to make sense anymore.... When I talk say she go talk say she no ready give in until after 9 months. You won't even notice that she's pregnant yet. She's very active at her work place, goes to chuch regularly, markets, cook and other day to day activities

Have you tried taking some activities off her daily plate to see if that would help her relax and be more at ease with the possible anxieties that surround pregnancy?

kiddaz:
➜So all these you mentioned doesn't affect the men but only happens to the females? I blame you very well for this one-sided thinking cos if not for Seun wetin go make me dey relate with person with a d0t reasoning faculty... Nonsense 😒

Keep in mind, as you continue to respond, that the general idea that men are the price; everything of this goes to the glorification of the male ego, never the female ego; the female who partakes in these rituals gets nothing. She is basically a free sacrifice to the ego of the man in all of this. Unless, of course, she puts a price on her contributions herself.

** By Men, I mean male-centered men and women who back them. And by Women, I, of course, mostly mean women who are against the traditional illusion that has persisted until now(there are still lots of women(many of our mothers and grandmothers included) who still go around parrotting the old model that has largely traumatized women as the way.

Glimpsetv:
...

I hope both of those women ensure they get adequately compensated for the energy and labor they bring to that union.

Chilipepper:
Woman gets blocked by a friend for not showing concern about her pregnancy struggles.

She no wan be your friend. It is that simple, so move on!

ogascomax:
➜It's hard for her to know Na. She can't see your heart but she can only see your intentions. You showed her all the wonderful love but neither does she know that you have an evil agenda.

It is the whole good guy illusion that many women were brainwashed with from a young age. It takes some of them several heartaches to learn to judge a man not by his words but by his actions, same as they would judge every other human out there.

** By Men, I mean male-centered men and women who back them. And by Women, I, of course, mostly mean women who are against the traditional illusion that has persisted until now(there are still lots of women(many of our mothers and grandmothers included) who still go around parrotting the old model that has largely traumatized women as the way.

JetStar:
➜The poverty situation in Nigeria also contributed to this mess. It has blurred the line between geniune dating and prostitution.
➜ Little surprise here that Nigerian men are often the perpetrators of romance scams and business email compromise when it comes to dating women abroad.
➜ Ladies have learned that too.

This ain't just about poverty, but more about standing up to be seen as humans in their right, same as men. And this isn't happening only in Nigeria. This is happening even in many of the most developed nations, where women(and their egos) have also been marginalized for the longest.

2. Men have been playing games with women for the longest, and women are simply tired of being victims and collateral damage in male-centered societies.

3. And boys are having tantrums for silly reasons.

** By Men, I mean male-centered men and women who back them. And by Women, I, of course, mostly mean women who are against the traditional illusion that has persisted until now(there are still lots of women(many of our mothers and grandmothers included) who still go around parrotting the old model that has largely traumatized women as the way.

ogascomax:
➜I like your point because we have to holistically look into this matter. I don't support any behaviour that is not God standard but if we are to look into this.
➜ Men have always taken advantage of this situation and many girls have become heartbroken, baby mama etc. Now they are saying it has to be business, a give and take situation so if there is any consequence I bear that consequences by myself. More of taking their fate in their hands.

1. Leave the meaningless mentions of god out of this because the last I checked, the god that is thrown at women is men. Male-centered society has raised men as gods over women, and every time religion speaks to women, it is always for the glorification of the egos of men. Even in marriage, a woman is told that a man is her head/god. So, embrace honesty and replace any mention of the term god with men .

2. Don't get me wrong! It has always been give-and-take; women have, for the most part, been left with the short end of the stick in the past. What women want is a more equitable exchange for their contributions to helping men remain the prize they claim themselves to be.


** By Men, I mean male-centered men and women who back them. And by Women, I, of course, mostly mean women who are against the traditional illusion that has persisted until now(there are still lots of women(many of our mothers and grandmothers included) who still go around parrotting the old model that has largely traumatized women as the way.

Dpsychologist:
➜Ah tell you. Tinder, Bumble, Badoo all same. The worst mistake you can make is to assume because they wrote looking for relationship that they really want that. Or directly asking them what they are in the app for (90% will whine you).
➜You will end up dating her or planning for something serious while another men will carry her for daybreak.

So your insinuation is that a man should be able to freely mind a woman's resources— emotional, physical, and mental labor — free of charge in a relationship? I am really glad that this current generation is no longer having that nonsense.

2. But, menfolk have done a lot worse than that for so long. Why is it suddenly wrong for women to do pretty much the same?

** By Men, I mean male-centered men and women who back them. And by Women, I, of course, mostly mean women who are against the traditional illusion that has persisted until now(there are still lots of women(many of our mothers and grandmothers included) who still go around parrotting the old model that has largely traumatized women as the way.

Mistersolar:
➜just look at ur number 2 point......im ashamed of u,...really disgraceful

Keep your shame and disgrace to yourself... I don't care for any of it.

Nefort:
➜The reason men pay for sex has nothing to do with the reasons you stated above. Men pay for sex because of the imbalance in demand. Men demand for sex more than women so women decided to monetize the demand. If men's libido were significantly lowered below women's then women will start being the ones paying for sex.

You didn't adequately digest all I have stated so far on the topic, have you? 🥱🥱🥱

Men are the price implies men need sex more than women, and as such, it does not benefit the woman to give up her time and body to any man for free. Come on dude... this ain't rocket science! 🙄🙄

** By Men, I mean male-centered men and women who back them. And by Women, I, of course, mostly mean women who are against the traditional illusion that has persisted until now(there are still lots of women(many of our mothers and grandmothers included) who still go around parrotting the old model that has largely traumatized women as the way.

bende7t:
➜KoboJ, your construct they always tire me. Why do you always support the idea of women prostituting just to prove gender equality.
➜ When them say pay the bills, you will point to the man! Thank God say una don open our eyes with the evil intent in women's heart
➜ Sister, na man be the price!
➜ Una market dey expire from 30yrs upward then the all night prayer session go start. Keep mumuing urself

1. I believe in a woman's right to do with her body as she chooses. I didn't label those of them who demand an outright price for the use of their bodies by men as prostitutes... male-centered society did that.

2. Men and women pay bills; every human being has bills to pay, but the male-centered(religion included) mindset has, for the longest, put the needs of women on the back burner— the needs of women have been taken for granted for the longest. Women are no longer choosing to sit back and take it.

3. I think it is OK that a man continues to think himself a prize in his own head. That is all good and well. If he can think of himself as the prize without needing a woman in the picture, that works fantastically for him. However, what women have a problem with is the man thinking it is Ok for him to use the woman's time and body for free in stroking his prized ego. They, too, want to be adequately compensated for their time and efforts in helping the man stroke his bloated ego. It is that simple.

4. All the more reason why women should get as much as they can from the menfolk who would think to use them before that age, right? That way, they can skip the need for the night prayer nonsense since they will have amassed enough seed money to build a better life rather than look around for a man after that point, abi?

Emeskhalifa:
➜You've said it just how it is. The traditional dating was never free You refill her gas, pay rent and other stuff. Infact, the man ends up paying more compared to what he'd pay on the dating apps.
➜ Not like the lady in the traditional dating will even be loyal so why won't a lot of men settle for the dating app?

You actually believe the pittance you pay a woman in a traditional dating is enough to cover the cost of the near-free emotional and physical labor you receive from them? Again, this mentality is the reason why more and more women are abandoning the old ways for the new way. This is why many so-called traditional-minded women are now choosing to present themselves similarly to those on dating apps. 🥱🥱🥱

2. You just mentioned earlier that there is really no incentive for them to remain loyal to men in traditional dating. Their efforts and labor are cheapened, which is one of the incentives for them to move on as soon as they can.

By the way, many men have been doing this to women for the longest, so women are simply finally playing the same game.

** By Men, I mean male-centered men and women who back them. And by Women, I, of course, mostly mean women who are against the traditional illusion that has persisted until now(there are still lots of women(many of our mothers and grandmothers included) who still go around parrotting the old model that has largely traumatized women as the way.

Hhh4444:
@✓ Is it only the woman that gives up her body? What kind of perception is this? So the man's body is of no value? Abi.

Men have almost always considered themselves the price when it comes to these things, so yes, women were required to give up their bodies to the benefit of the male ego — never the female ego. Women's egos are never really talked about since it almost does not matter that women also have egos, same as men d,o as well have always been placed as direct servants to men. This is what has been.

** By Men, I mean male-centered men and women who back them. And by Women, I, of course, mostly mean women who are against the traditional illusion that has persisted until now(there are still lots of women(many of our mothers and grandmothers included) who still go around parrotting the old model that has largely traumatized women as the way.

kiddaz:
✓ Which yeye aftermath is always borne by the woman besides getting pregnant? Somebody go just siddon dey counter everything and anything just for nothing . Holowshow is Holowshow, nor dey defend nonsense all the time in the name of women's advocate

This nonchalance is why women are no longer reasoning to live as foolishly as their mothers and grandmothers before then. You actually think nothing of the emotional and a lot of times physical labor women invest in their relationships with men in addition to the fact of the wear and teat og pregnancy on a woman's body and mental health. I no blame your at all. 🥱

** By Men, I mean male-centered men and women who back them. And by Women, I, of course, mostly mean women who are against the traditional illusion that has persisted until now(there are still lots of women(many of our mothers and grandmothers included) who still go around parrotting the old model that has largely traumatized women as the way.

elipheleh:
✓ Nothing do you sha. No shame in just saying you be ash*wo

Why should there be shame in it? Simply because men say there should be? 🥱🥱

Does a virgin turned penniless single mother after she was as used and then dumped by a man who promised her heaven and earth because she was a virgin, any less ashamed and devastated than a woman who was called an ashawo by a man she refused to sleep with simply because he would not pay? Does the ex-Virgin go around with her head high because she did not collect money for all the time and the child she ended up burdened with by a man who dumped her and left her life wrecked with a child to boot? 🥱🥱🥱

May una begin to dey reason well well.

** By Men, I mean male-centered men and women who back them. And by Women, I, of course, mostly mean women who are against the traditional illusion that has persisted until now(there are still lots of women(many of our mothers and grandmothers included) who still go around parrotting the old model that has largely traumatized women as the way.

✓ Is it by making themselves commodities that "females are stepping up to call the shots"?

Women are not responsible for the commodifying of their bodies and beings. That can be traced back to me whp felt that women should only be able to enjoy the price placed on them by men. Virgin...good girl... fine girl ..wife material... evening newspapers ..olosho. left over women....these are some of the grading systems that have been used by men to qualify women and their worth. Women are simply taking back their lives by deciding what they are worth regardless of what label men place on them.

** By Men, I mean male-centered men and women who back them. And by Women, I, of course, mostly mean women who are against the traditional illusion that has persisted until now(there are still lots of women(many of our mothers and grandmothers included) who still go around parrotting the old model that has largely traumatized women as the way.

NiRfreak:
✓ There actually men who can handle those type of women. And if you can make them respect you somehow, you are good to go, at least they will handle your children and home well, but u just have to be alert to their schemings and manipulative tactics and not bow to it, that's the only u can retain their respect. Once u allow them have higher hand in getting u through manipulation, they will make you hell and a doormat

Make them respect you because in your eyes, women are toys/dogs to be trained and coaxed into a form that pleases the ego of men, abi? 🥱🥱🥱🥱

I keep repeating that you religious-minded folks hate women so much. 🥱🥱

KillerOfCrackas:
No be say I expect her to beg, bro. I no even dey look for that. It’s just how she act like nothing happen no emotion at all. She’s deep, yeah, but also very manipulative. There’s a thin line between depth and emptiness.

It is called I-don't-give-a-fk-about-you and the gal may have put you on that line for a long time before you decided to leave. 🥱🥱🥱