₦airaland Forum

Hhh4444:
@✓ Is it only the woman that gives up her body? What kind of perception is this? So the man's body is of no value? Abi.

Men have almost always considered themselves the price when it comes to these things, so yes, women were required to give up their bodies to the benefit of the male ego — never the female ego. Women's egos are never really talked about since it almost does not matter that women also have egos, same as men d,o as well have always been placed as direct servants to men. This is what has been.

** By Men, I mean male-centered men and women who back them. And by Women, I, of course, mostly mean women who are against the traditional illusion that has persisted until now(there are still lots of women(many of our mothers and grandmothers included) who still go around parrotting the old model that has largely traumatized women as the way.

kiddaz:
✓ Which yeye aftermath is always borne by the woman besides getting pregnant? Somebody go just siddon dey counter everything and anything just for nothing . Holowshow is Holowshow, nor dey defend nonsense all the time in the name of women's advocate

This nonchalance is why women are no longer reasoning to live as foolishly as their mothers and grandmothers before then. You actually think nothing of the emotional and a lot of times physical labor women invest in their relationships with men in addition to the fact of the wear and teat og pregnancy on a woman's body and mental health. I no blame your at all. 🥱

** By Men, I mean male-centered men and women who back them. And by Women, I, of course, mostly mean women who are against the traditional illusion that has persisted until now(there are still lots of women(many of our mothers and grandmothers included) who still go around parrotting the old model that has largely traumatized women as the way.

elipheleh:
✓ Nothing do you sha. No shame in just saying you be ash*wo

Why should there be shame in it? Simply because men say there should be? 🥱🥱

Does a virgin turned penniless single mother after she was as used and then dumped by a man who promised her heaven and earth because she was a virgin, any less ashamed and devastated than a woman who was called an ashawo by a man she refused to sleep with simply because he would not pay? Does the ex-Virgin go around with her head high because she did not collect money for all the time and the child she ended up burdened with by a man who dumped her and left her life wrecked with a child to boot? 🥱🥱🥱

May una begin to dey reason well well.

** By Men, I mean male-centered men and women who back them. And by Women, I, of course, mostly mean women who are against the traditional illusion that has persisted until now(there are still lots of women(many of our mothers and grandmothers included) who still go around parrotting the old model that has largely traumatized women as the way.

✓ Is it by making themselves commodities that "females are stepping up to call the shots"?

Women are not responsible for the commodifying of their bodies and beings. That can be traced back to me whp felt that women should only be able to enjoy the price placed on them by men. Virgin...good girl... fine girl ..wife material... evening newspapers ..olosho. left over women....these are some of the grading systems that have been used by men to qualify women and their worth. Women are simply taking back their lives by deciding what they are worth regardless of what label men place on them.

** By Men, I mean male-centered men and women who back them. And by Women, I, of course, mostly mean women who are against the traditional illusion that has persisted until now(there are still lots of women(many of our mothers and grandmothers included) who still go around parrotting the old model that has largely traumatized women as the way.

NiRfreak:
✓ There actually men who can handle those type of women. And if you can make them respect you somehow, you are good to go, at least they will handle your children and home well, but u just have to be alert to their schemings and manipulative tactics and not bow to it, that's the only u can retain their respect. Once u allow them have higher hand in getting u through manipulation, they will make you hell and a doormat

Make them respect you because in your eyes, women are toys/dogs to be trained and coaxed into a form that pleases the ego of men, abi? 🥱🥱🥱🥱

I keep repeating that you religious-minded folks hate women so much. 🥱🥱

KillerOfCrackas:
No be say I expect her to beg, bro. I no even dey look for that. It’s just how she act like nothing happen no emotion at all. She’s deep, yeah, but also very manipulative. There’s a thin line between depth and emptiness.

It is called I-don't-give-a-fk-about-you and the gal may have put you on that line for a long time before you decided to leave. 🥱🥱🥱

KillerOfCrackas:
✓ It’s not about her not crying, bro. I didn’t expect that. It’s the way she was completely unmoved like she couldn’t even feel anything.
✓ No empathy, no concern, nothing. She reads emotions well but doesn’t actually connect to them. That’s what made it toxic everything felt calculated, never genuine.

How did you deduce that she couldn't? Did you run medical and psychological tests on her to determine this all by yourself? 🥱🥱🥱

2. No empathy and no emotions yet there seemed to be lots of emotions yet she was able to cry when things did not go her way? Oh boy! Accept say the gal was not that into you and move on. 🥱🥱🥱

JustSayHello:
➜Learn to tell them what they want to hear so that they'll think you are a lover.

You mean lie to them? Who gave you the deluded idea that women want you to lie to them, though? And you all wonder why women have grown wise to returning the favor? 😑😑😑

Like you, they want the truth from you, no matter how much it will hurt them.

iLander:
➜I lost my job sometime this year and i have been struggling to get another job. Along the line i also lost my GF ( she left), i met this girl, first we became friends and then lovers. She has been very helpful in every way you can think of, but she is also struggling and schooling too.
She asked me this question and i quote "Babe if someone comes along and say he wants to marry me, should i go ahead and accept" I told her yes because right now, i can give her the life she deserves. she started crying and refuse to speak to me. Did i answer her wrongly?

You answered her truthfully, so what is wrong? So, she cried. She will get over it and hopefully go out there and find herself a man who is ready to give her what she wants at this point. Or were you intending to continue mining her— physically and mentally— for free benefits or something? What plans do you have in place if she gets pregnant while remaining by your side? Do you have money to pay for her pregnancy and to raise a child with? Or is it your plan to become a deadbeat dad like millions of Nigerian boys out there today?

Came4amod:
➜And going back to her will only destroy your ego further and she might not even accept you .. she has strong character.. and understand Humman emotions on a deeper level .. amongst the few humans with a well developed sixth sense .. intuition.. not manipulation just intuition

I think so too! Something tells me OP knows the girl no really rate am, that is why he felt the need to come on here to label her a sociopath, in a crude attempt to dissuade himself from considering her again.

By sixth sense, you mean higher emotional intelligence levels than OP, right?

ReacherSaidNoth:
You're not qualified to diagnose sociopathy, nothing truly outrageous in your post.

Absolutely nothing! Yet, OP declares with boldness that because she did not shed a tear when he decided to dump her that she had to have been a sociopath.

Came4amod:
➜Bro you left .. you were expecting her to beg you .. and she didn't .. it doesn't mean she is a psychopath.. she is just deeper than you . And fact is .. you can't even comprehend her ..

Help me tell the boy, abeg! I don read the story at least twice, wondering how OP could have concluded that the girl was toxic, let alone sociopathic.

KillerOfCrackas:
➜When I finally decided to leave, she didn’t beg, didn’t even look surprised. She just smiled and said, “You’ll come back. People like you always do.” That line shook me to my core.
This girl taught me something: not everyone who looks calm is peaceful. Some people are emotionally cold but know exactly how to pretend otherwise. They don’t feel emotions they study them and use them.
Since then, I’ve learned that love without empathy will drain you. Some people are not violent, but the way they play with your mind go humble you.
So when people talk about toxic relationships, I just laugh. Because not all toxicity comes from shouting and fighting. Some come quietly, in the form of peace that slowly destroys you.

She was not moved by your sob stories and did not cry when you said you were done with her. So, what part of this story makes her a toxic individual or a sociopath?

SpencerForbes:
➜I guess that was then.
➜ Now you’re coming closer cos that’s what me and the op is lamenting.
➜ Before it was powered by women now look around kobo😫 check the western world, would you still agree with this your statistics??

That was then, when? We are speaking of current-day Nigeria, where we see a trend started by our grandmothers and mothers continuing to this day.

2. You are not making any sense here. Your claim, which I responded to, was that women never bring financial resources to the mix, to which I responded that almost 50% of households in current-day Nigeria are financially powered by women, nothing to do with OP's argument by the way.

3. And here I thought you would at least be smart by half?

---

Women now no longer want to take it all lying down... money for hand, back for ground... has been a saying since the 80s. Due to the weakness of previous generations, it never took hold since most women were too afraid of societal — mostly men's—pushback. As a result, many women of that generation continued to allow men to erode their boundaries, much like they did their mothers. Fortunately, the current generation of women is having none of that and refuses to be browbeaten by the menfolk.

Honestly, I think any man unwilling to shoulder the cost of the wear and tear of using a woman's body for his pleasure can simply shove his preek back in his shorts or put his energy into self-servicing. I think there is no need for the noise over how a woman can or cannot use her own body.

** By Men, I mean male-centered men and women who back them. And by Women, I, of course, mostly mean women who are against the traditional illusion that has persisted until now(there are still lots of women(many of our mothers and grandmothers included) who still go around parrotting the old model that has largely traumatized women as the way.

SpencerForbes:
➜Emotional energy but never financial energy 🤣🤣🤣

Almost 50% of marriages in Nigeria are powered financially by the women in the marriage...single married women. I guess that means absolutely nothing to someone who is dead set on discrediting the concerns and reasons for why women have chosen to properly monetize their worth in a language that most men who patronize them in any way can understand—money.

** By Men, I mean male-centered men and women who back them. And by Women, I, of course, mostly mean women who are against the traditional illusion that has persisted until now(there are still lots of women(many of our mothers and grandmothers included) who still go around parrotting the old model that has largely traumatized women as the way.

NiRfreak:
➜Is it men of God u came to serve? Abi God?
➜ What stops you from becoming the true man of God who people can learn the truth about God from instead of always lamenting about so called men of God.
➜ Cos it always seems u are trying to heal from certain trauma inflicted by your associating wit fake men of God in the past.
➜ Try and become a true man of God and your life can give meaning to other yearnings to meet real men of God

1. Religious folks serve their men of gods and not any God that anyone outside of those immediate religious circles has been able to confirm, though.

2. I am sorry, what? What gives you the idea that people outside of your religious delusions desire this title as much as those of you high on religious delusions do?

3. Trauma? Name it so we can all maybe get on the same page as you claim to be certain you are on. What is the name of the supposed trauma that you pretend I was inflicted with? I really want to know what it is that you are going on about.

4. Are you OK in the head? Again, this true man of god delusion you lot are on has absolutely no value to me, so why would I want something that is entirely meaningless in the grand scheme, except to those caught up in religious foolishness?


** By Men, I mean male-centered men and women who back them. And by Women, I, of course, mostly mean women who are against the traditional illusion that has persisted until now(there are still lots of women(many of our mothers and grandmothers included) who still go around parrotting the old model that has largely traumatized women as the way.

SpencerForbes:
➜And how do women see us? As poverty elevation scheme😂😂😂😂

Women don't see men as poverty elevation schemes. They only see men who want their bodies as opportunities to elevate themselves from poverty. Given your previous issue with comprehension, however, I will not be surprised if this goes right over your head.

** By Men, I mean male-centered men and women who back them. And by Women, I, of course, mostly mean women who are against the traditional illusion that has persisted until now(there are still lots of women(many of our mothers and grandmothers included) who still go around parrotting the old model that has largely traumatized women as the way.

SpencerForbes:
➜I’ll leave you to seun and his bot. You started by blaming us then now you’re saying ladies don’t shift blame. Keep rolling in your own wheel.

I see a lack of comprehension is indeed your major issue. Go back and re-read, as many as you need to, to ensure you understand what men were formally to be blamed for, that women are no longer sitting for.

** By Men, I mean male-centered men and women who back them. And by Women, I, of course, mostly mean women who are against the traditional illusion that has persisted until now(there are still lots of women(many of our mothers and grandmothers included) who still go around parrotting the old model that has largely traumatized women as the way.

NiRfreak:
➜There's difference between spiritual truth and superstition. The day you start seeing the spiritual knowledge that underpins sexual purity, you will have deeper understanding of the whys what you write about, and you will gain the power to leave above the trappings of sexual snares laid by women of easy virtues

All of them lies, since there are literally no difference between your many spiritual/religious type and the non-religoius men out there... they all seem to see women are objects for their desires.

** By Men, I mean male-centered men and women who back them. And by Women, I, of course, mostly mean women who are against the traditional illusion that has persisted until now(there are still lots of women(many of our mothers and grandmothers included) who still go around parrotting the old model that has largely traumatized women as the way.

Dpsychologist:
➜Wahala for the hyperreligious. We are too superstitious in Nigeria.

Churches, Mosques, and communities are the dating-site equivalents for most of the hyperreligious folks in Nigeria. And your so-called spiritual/religious men do pretty much the very same things that others do on dating sites.

** By Men, I mean male-centered men and women who back them. And by Women, I, of course, mostly mean women who are against the traditional illusion that has persisted until now(there are still lots of women(many of our mothers and grandmothers included) who still go around parrotting the old model that has largely traumatized women as the way.

SpencerForbes:
➜Only her body😂 with this your thought processes, I’m not surprised why this generation has high rate of baby mamas and single mothers than our parents and I don’t see it stopping soon.
➜ When I have to give you money, time and everything and the only “thing” you can bring is intangible.
➜ I only pain is when your gender start shifting blames to men. Expecting pity meanwhile you’re the main culprit.

1. Since the time of your forefathers, baby mamas have never been found guilty of impregnating themselves. They have always had baby papas facilitating their rise.

2. A woman brings her body, her emotional energy, and everything to the mix as well. That you need to bring money to cover additional costs is nothing compared to that.

3. There is no shifting of blame to men since, again, from the time of your ancestors, women have always been left to deal with the aftermath of the encounters, something many of them are trying to change now. They no longer wish to live like their mothers, grandmothers, and great-grandmothers before them lived.

** By Men, I mean male-centered men and women who back them. And by Women, I, of course, mostly mean women who are against the traditional illusion that has persisted until now(there are still lots of women(many of our mothers and grandmothers included) who still go around parrotting the old model that has largely traumatized women as the way.

SpencerForbes:
➜I think we’re done for the day with this your explanation and I wish all men could see this. I pity anyone that would take ladies serious with this your explanation cos you’re trying to say when I can’t pay anymore, then she can monkey branch 😁 🚶‍♂️

Monkeybranching has been a favorite attachment style for men for the longest time now. Why can't or shouldn't a woman be able to do the same? 🥱🥱🥱

** By Men, I mean male-centered men and women who back them. And by Women, I, of course, mostly mean women who are against the traditional illusion that has persisted until now(there are still lots of women(many of our mothers and grandmothers included) who still go around parrotting the old model that has largely traumatized women as the way.

SpencerForbes:
➜Why continue if you aren’t enjoying anything and who’s fault is it??
➜ If I’m paying you that means you have nothing to complain for cos I’m buying it within my money.
➜ What you’re even saying doesn’t even apply to dating and all your points are based on sex.
➜ Please my dear kobo, list things a lady brings to a relationship rather than sex. Majority of the ladies. List things they can offer?

1. Because they can. When you have a gender brainwashed from childhood into believing their life is only made complete when a man puts his preek between their legs, you find that it becomes hard for them to ponder the simple question you asked. In the same way, you, as a man, find it hard to ponder why you feel you need to have sex, even when you do not enjoy it. At some point, it all becomes performative and less about the enjoyment of it. 🥱🥱🥱

Please, don't bother trying to convince us that you enjoy sex 100% of the time, either, as that is against the literal biology of human beings.

2. If that is what you want to think.

3. Dating, the last I checked, typically requires a woman to give up her body and/or time to the delight of her partner, does it not?

4. Nonsense! What does it matter to this discussion or anything for that matter?

** By Men, I mean male-centered men and women who back them. And by Women, I, of course, mostly mean women who are against the traditional illusion that has persisted until now(there are still lots of women(many of our mothers and grandmothers included) who still go around parrotting the old model that has largely traumatized women as the way.

SpencerForbes:
➜Kobo😂😂😂😂 my forefathers did proper marital rites and rape cases wasn’t as rampant as this. Women weren’t this audacious to collect money. Men were always the providers in “my” own genealogy.
➜ So men except for rape cases has never had sex without paying but my issue is that you all collect money even before the sex and then when called pros, you act angry,
➜ My dear kobo who are you deceiving. So with this your explanations. Can we all call women pr@s 😂 cos majority don’t offer anything in a relationship than to lie like wood😂🚶‍♂️

Storyland! 🥱🥱🥱🥱

2. So, all the single mothers, many of whom were forced into exile or into life as outcasts in society, what? Impregnated themselves, abi?

3. What we know is that a woman who gives her body up for free to a man is not that much different from a woman who gives up the same body at a cost. You can label them as your particular delusion has you doing, but a woman is a woman at the end of the day.

** By Men, I mean male-centered men and women who back them. And by Women, I, of course, mostly mean women who are against the traditional illusion that has persisted until now(there are still lots of women(many of our mothers and grandmothers included) who still go around parrotting the old model that has largely traumatized women as the way.

SpencerForbes:
➜Why should I be the one paying for what we both enjoyed?

Because the aftermath is almost always borne by the woman alone. Plus, the vast majority of the time, women don't even enjoy these encounters.

For instance, out of 100 such encounters, the woman probably only enjoys it 5 out of those times. Who bears the cost during the other 95 times that she did not? Shouldn't it be the man?
** By Men, I mean male-centered men and women who back them. And by women, I, of course, mostly mean women who are against the traditional illusion that has persisted until now(there are still lots of women(many of our mothers and grandmothers included) who still go around parrotting the old model that has largely traumatized women as the way.

SpencerForbes:
➜So you’re trying to say sex is now transactional and only men enjoy sex?

Sex has always been transactional! During the time of your forefathers, women were generally expected to give it up for free to men who desired it, either through rape, violence, or other means. The arrangement was almost always to the benefit of the men in the society. Women, in marriage, were also required to give up their bodies to the whims of husbands, who could up and abandon them thereafter for even the flimsiest of reasons. Much of what the women got in return for the many encounters was the costs left behind — (unwanted) pregnancies, broken bodies, emotional baggage/heartache, etc.

It used to be that only prostitutes were said to enjoy sex. Any woman who said she enjoyed sex was likened to a prostitute.

** By Men, I mean male-centered men and women who back them. And by women, I, of course, mostly mean women who are against the traditional illusion that has persisted until now(there are still lots of women(many of our mothers and grandmothers included) who still go around parrotting the old model that has largely traumatized women as the way.

annolomy:
They say “blood is thicker than water,” but lately, I’ve started to question that.Because sometimes, it’s the people you call family that hurt you the most.
You give your all — love, support, loyalty — but when you need them, they vanish. The same people who should lift you up are the ones silently waiting for you to fall. It’s painful when you realize… not everyone with your surname has your best interest at heart. Sometimes, strangers show more love than blood ever did. ...
Trust me, you’ll feel this one. After watching, come back and tell me — do you still believe blood is thicker than water?

Of course, it ain't true! Almost 99% of the adages you grew up hearing from your parents and those before them are really utterly meaningless when put up against the reality of things in this life. I don't, for the life of me, understand why our ancestors felt that brainwashing their kids with lies would somehow work out for their good— of course, it never did.

SpencerForbes:
➜Dating apps flooded with fake profiles😂 It’s so bleeped up that asking a girl out now is scary to an average young man cos the next word is billing. I pray we find peace ✌️

Dating apps have, from the beginning, been used as a sort of catalogue for men looking for sex they don't need to pay for, has it now? Now, the women no longer want to offer their bodies and time for free use. It is simply the way things happen, the new face of peace.

** By Men, I mean male-centered men and women who back them. And by women, I, of course, mostly mean women who are against the traditional illusion that has persisted until now(there are still lots of women(many of our mothers and grandmothers included) who still go around parrotting the old model that has largely traumatized women as the way.

Dpsychologist:
➜The romance has been replaced by negotiation. The affection, by transaction. And the connection? Well, that’s usually temporary — gone as soon as the bank alert hits.
➜ Hookup culture has flooded the streets — and the screens — so badly that genuine dating feels like a lost art. Everyone’s performing; few are connecting. You’ll see bios that say “No hookups” but read like price lists in disguise. It’s a strange new world where beauty is currency, and emotions are collateral. People are no longer dating — they’re bartering. And yet, no one seems surprised.
➜ Maybe it’s because we all secretly know that the line between “dating” and “deal-making” has long disappeared. What we’re left with is a culture where affection has a price tag and love has become a luxury item few can afford.
➜ So the next time someone says, “There are no real dating sites anymore…” Don’t argue. Just smile and ask, “Who did this to us?”

1. Romance has almost always been up for negotiation, only that up until now, many men have been able to get away with getting their needs met for free, while the women are left carrying the empty bag and baggage left behind.

2. What is the difference between a woman who gives up her body for free to a man and a woman who gives up the same body at a cost to another man?

3. There was never such a line. There was simply a male-dominated past now giving way to a present where females are stepping up to call the shots, as far as the cost of giving it up is concerned.

4. Men brought it down to where women decided it all had to change for the better.

** By Men, I mean male-centered men and women who back them. And by women, I, of course, mean women who are against the traditional illusion that has persisted until now.

ejieddy:
➜....Marriage has a playbook. God made it. If you want it to work, you must follow his manual. I am not exempting the man from his faults, but I haven't heard him, and he's not the one complaining.
➜ Your idea is to burn down the marriage and tell him good riddance right.
➜ But thank God no one will follow your evil advice.
➜ You can advice your daughter that way and let her crash and burn her marriage like yours.
➜ I never heard that the man cheats on his wife or is violent towards her. That would have been a strong ground for your suggestions.
➜ The grass isn't always greener on the other side, and things can get better with understanding and prayer.

1. Which God? Your pastors or some other gods that seem to favor men over women? The same ones that allow men to humiliate and degrade women in marriage while allowing the men roam free without consequence for any of their actions? Make I hear word abeg! Religion is entirely made for the stroking of the gods of men, and to your gods of men, women are just servants, nothing more.

2. Tell him? Who him? I am not concerned about him, but for someone's daughter who is complaining that the load is already too much for her to bear.

3. Marriage has never been an achievement that one would think it is OK to advise others to hold on to that which is literally dragging them down into depression and potentially killing them.

4. Never mind that the man is literally abusing her in other ways in the marriage — she is basically screaming that she is about to lose her mind from it —, you are certain and decided that so long as he has yet to cheat or lay a hand on her, she has to remain firm? I pity your mother and your daughters.

5. Even if it turns out to be a literal desert out there, what makes you think it is for you to decide or speak for her life on the other side of her release and freedom from all of her current woes?

Testimony1988:
➜If you did courtship, the issues you mentioned is something that could have been trashed out during the courtship,
➜ to marry someone who does not go church or pray is dangerous, if any spiritual attack, no prayer to counter such attack and that is not good for a christian home, the aspect of wanting to go out always shouldn't be an issue, not all men like outings.

Wrong! According to her, it seems her man lovebombed her until right up to about a month after they arrived abroad, after which he switched up from angel mode to something entirely different from what she was used to during the courtship period. He played the long game with her until the lady was able to bring them both abroad. That is a classic manipulation tactic right there that people use.

Also, did you miss the part of her story where she reveals that the man is seriously spiritual... I think she even mentioned he had claimed to be a marriage counselor at some point.

2. You didn't bother reading through her side of the story, did you?