₦airaland Forum

@Breadtoaster, you should make time to see the video below soon.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7CRTMu8aDtM?si=JLkixD2zDNG1TjyJ

Rega99:
Despite her having pcos during our dating year, she got pregnant and she decided to abort it which i was strongly against. Now we are married and she still hasn't gotten pregnant, it's over a year now. We did series of test and I did too and we are both okay, except for the fact that she has pcos. She hasn't seen her period for the past months. Very soon people will start asking questions.
Anyone with any experience about this and how to tackle it?

If the reason why you are yet to conceive has absolutely nothing to do with the supposed abortion, why did you feel the need to mention it? Is it to demean her in the eyes of those who would think you a better person for being against her having the abortion back when she did?

I mean, since you felt so strongly about her getting an abortion, why did you go on to marry her? Is it so that you could treat her like one would treat a criminal? Humiliate her with it? Why?

Mistersolar:
haabaaa,thats a loveless marriage

A lot of men settle for women in much the same way while they continue to kick away games outside. Both men and women,abeg, can practice loveless marriage! What I don't understand is why some men are convinced that their slutty behavior is somehow better than that of some women.

Helpout12345:
➜There is a woman in Houston that a pastor has tried to talk to several times to stay in her marriage. She refused and always coming up with flimsy excuses about her husband. The day she asked for my advise about her marriage was the day she got it. I just told her "men go knack you tire for this Houston if you become a single mother".

Will the men in Houston have to rape her to accomplish that? What is wrong with a woman choosing to be knacked on her schedule by other men than rather than having to endure just one man for life? Do men not do the same thing, even many of the married ones among them? Nonsense!

Leonardo4:
➜So I would like to know what made you think she didn't work on herself

Always take time to read and properly digest what you have read before responding.

Kobojunkie:
Oh Boy! I hope this is not a case of a boy-mother who raised her son as if her husband. Let's hope she also achieved something in her own life during those 20 years.

breadtoaster:
➜ Because he wanted me to marry him before coming here sef and be processing the paper while he chills back home, then he would now come. Even here he would always tell me, I should not worry when his paper comes. Immediately he landed, he encouraged me to do the court wedding here within a month. I remember my sister and parents warning me to slow down. dont let anyone rush you.
It was right after I think he stopped being sweet and started complaining that i dance etc. etc. It was then I asked why we were so smooth one month before the court wedding. though he says I am lying, because I was like you didn't complain I did all these things in that one month.
At this point, I am not God, and I agree, Let God work out his papers using him himself or another person. We have been in the house since yesterday its quiet as a graveyard. only basic comments, hello, wen i entered, and wont you come and sleep when I didn't see him come to bed and the time i told him i was Hot and he used his hand. How do people find their peace, in this kind of environment. I swear i didn't learn it before, how to sit somewhere and be having your peace when you know all is not well. And now I need to learn it.
Thank you so much for counsel. At this point, I would just pray for God's will and watch the way he is watching. Watching doesn't solve problem, Am just tired of trying to fix what another phlegmatic person's temperament doesn't even feel the need to work on to fix. I would keep praying, do only the basics on my end too and wait for God's will

. He told his brother what you said in order to also isolate you from him and his wife, so you would not have anyone filling your head with stories of how you can possibly do better without him. He needs you to find whatever happiness you may want while you are by his side, controlled by him. He wants to decide what you can have, even if sexual pleasure, and when you can have it. That is one of the many classic manipulation tactics men use against women.

He has already sought to limit your interaction with your friends; next is to work to isolate you completely from as many of them as possible. Woman, run away while you still have your head.

About him no longer being sweet with you after a while, I suspect he lovebombed you to get you to take him along with him. You should probably Google a lot of these terms for yourself because ignorance, as you must have realized by now, isn't bliss!

In life, happiness is not found when surrounded by people who don't value or respect you. Happiness is not a bag one can hold onto while dragging along the filth and heavy weights of this life. Yes, so many people try to fake it, but even then, they never really find it. Why? Because true happiness can only be found when you let go of all that drags you— the self — down and hurts you.

Peace and happiness go hand in hand. You cannot have one without the other!

JuanDeDios:
Yea. Because. 1. When you make the mistake of sleeping with an idiot and you birth a child, the right thing to do is to hand the child to him, no matter what. 2. Laws and law enforcers are effective and reliable in Nigeria.
Yeah, not a simplistic take at all.

Make the mistake? Ha! Has! 🥱🥱

alizma:
✓ Will you say the same or even try to understand the situation if the reverse is the case? The rambling is necessary and the point I am trying to make is that those that have responsible men trying to take care of the family should appreciate their husbands and encourage them because it is not easy.

Nonsense and eegridient!🥱🥱

So, what you are wanting us to believe is that a child deserves to be taken care of only if there is this responsible man at home the woman continues to serve alone with her body and time? Africans ehn ..who do una this trash reasoning? 🥱🥱🥱

Mrexcell:
✓ In this life it's almost impossible to find a perfect partner the husband doesn't even cheat on her yet
✓ she is still complaining of other mundane things that are not all that serious in their marriage if u look at it critically. Women are really insatiable any man trying to fulfill all the fantasies of a woman will only end up killing himself before his time.

1. In this life, only an eejiot walks around believing perfection is a standard that applies to humans. No sane individual goes out looking for a perfect human being...that is a myth. 🤔🤔🤔

Nonsense lies! She is complaining that she is not even getting the bare minimum that a lover is supposed to get from another lover.. Her mind is literally screaming at her that she is loving someone who does not even see her as being worthy of having even his prick action. That is a person who does not like her at all. 🥱🥱🥱

Leonardo4:
➜Raising her son in 20yrs to become a US Marine is a super achievement for her already. So you think she was sleeping raising the child?

Not in my book, given there are so many other women who similarly raised their sons and still worked on themselves so their sons would be proud of them too.

ejieddy:
✓ She's the one complaining here. You've not heard from the husband. You may hear something entirely different. But from all she has said, she wants to change her husband into something or someone. You can clearly see that, at least from your points made. When you go into marriage to change someone, you will get a disaster. Change can come, but you must first accept what is and then with wisdom work to what can be.

A person is literally telling you that the load she dey carry dey already too hard for her to bear; your suggestion is that we hear from her husband with suggestions that she continue to hear the already suffocating load. Does any of this sound like asvkce from someone who cares?

Emmy000seun:
✓ You can google about decency, what am telling you is that if you see no difference from general lifestyle (not only woman), d way fraud is now been celebrated,.no reward for hardwork again, only ill gotten wealth is celebrated...so if you see no problem in today's society then your moral and background need to be questioned..

Rubbish! The term d decency as implemented in traditional minds of most Nigerians differs from those found elsewhere, heck, it differs from one religious sect to the other. So you need provided details!

Mistersolar:
im caring for a single mother now,wanna marry her...she just served me heartbreak....so yeah there are good guys

. So, in your mind, a good guy is someone who wants to care for a single mother even if she is not herself into the man? Nonsense! 🥱🥱🥱

HenryWilliams:
➜Imagine the audacity. So the child with her isn't risky enough, It's only when the child is with the father that you alert the authorities? See thinking?

In a country where most fathers would rather abandon their children than take part in raising them, yes, it is a higher risk incurred by giving the child over to the father to raise.

Akalia:
➜The problem stems from your subconscious memory of having had platonic male friends who were very active, motivating, and inspiring before you married your hubby. Your hubby apparently happens to be the antithesis of all the attributes that you liked and admired in those male friends in your defunct circle.
➜ Madam, marriage is hard work o!- to gel and blend with your spouse will take time, maybe months, and even years depending on the intensity of commitments from both parties.
➜ You married a good man that is just laid back, that's all and you should do well to understand that and even come to terms with his inert nature.
➜ Look at me now, I have a high drive and because of my forceful nature at getting things done(proactive) I often tend to push my wife who happens to be like your husband but she is having quite a hard time adjusting to my energy. It causes friction between us often and we are 6 years already with 2 boys.
➜ Madam, marriage requires pertinent hard work; the initial palpable love (infatuation) during courtship will eventually wear off when the actual ball of marital reality begins to roll. It takes maturity and dogged will power to keep finding reasons to stick with your spouse in a lifetime.

1. How can her problem stem from that when she mentions that her husband is nothing like what she is used to and would rather want in a man?

2. The ordinary bare minimum of romantic relationships takes months of hard work for a woman to earn from a man she is literally married to? (It ain't like the man was forced to marry her, but here you are literally telling the woman that the hard work to obtain just the bare minimum that even children in romantic relationships handle with ease, she would need to work many months to earn? Why do you hate women so?

3. Stop lying to her. Her husband does not sound laid back; He simply does not like her. His attitude towards her has shown her more than this. Yet you are literally trying to invalidate what her senses have been screaming at her in the 1 year that she has been with him. Why?

4. You are lying! Your wife is absolutely nothing like OP's husband, and you know it. According to you, your wife attempts to adjust to your energy, while OP insists in her case that she has been the one being adjusted by her husband to his energy. If we look well now, na you get traits closer to OP's husband than your wife can even be found to have.

5. Yes, marriage requires work indeed, but nothing of what you pointed to is the actual work required in marriage for couples who are in marriage; all your words have been attempts to gaslight OP into believing she is the problem when her mind is literally screaming for her to change course and quickly before she becomes lost.

plaetton:
➜This is nonsense. Don't forget that her story here is just one side of the entire situation.
➜ The man is most likely mentally fatigued by the daily life pressures of working, paying bills and maintaining his family .
➜ When a woman starts complaining about her husband, she's either trying to justify leaving or justify stepping out on her husband.
➜ If you have been with a woman before or married, you would know that it is in women's nature to want more and more. It is a psychological phenomenon called Monkey-branching.
➜ It may sound chauvistic, but a man simply cannot keep a woman happy for any extended period of time, because they are hardwired to look for the greener grass.

1. What part of her story do you need the man's input for? The part that the man also married her?

2. How can he be mentally fatigued by daily life and pressures, paying bills, and maintaining a family when the story is literally that the woman has been the one handling the bills, rent, and even their visit to a marriage counselor was paid for by the gal... since the man does not have a job?

3. Whatever her reasons, her complaints are valid.

4. Monkey-branching is an attachment style that both men and women have been found to possess. So, why are you trying to insist it has more to do with women? Where do you get that nonsense from?

5. Oh boy! Stop rambling!

ejieddy:
➜Marriage is always the sum of its parts. You have really complained about your husband. It's clear you resent him. You are not just worried or have these complaints about him. You resent him. I also feel there's someone or something you are comparing him to or wishing he would become, most probably a male figure. He has no chance with you and the most important thing about marriage for any man is acceptance. He doesn't have that with you, so I ask you, why did you marry him?
➜ If you wouldn't accept him, why commit to him?
➜ Yes he has all these great flaws you mentioned but he doesn't have the most important thing he needs from you. If you keep wishing he was someone else in your heart, what chance does he have?

Acceptance is a two-way street in relationships. If A accepts B but B does not accept A— acceptance is exhibited through action in this case —, then it all means nothing. Two people may be married, but if they do not accept each other, they are no better or different from roommates/strangers forcing themselves to live together/tolerating each other.

OP has made clear that her husband does not accept her; according to her, he has attempted to change so much of who she is and has ignored her many advances to this point. Pointing out that OP does not accept all of this — is pushing back against that which has literally been cutting her down— does not give you the right or unction to place the blame for the rejection that is her marriage wholly.

Also, he married her, too. So, while OP has admitted to being foolish in her choice, ponder instead what the man's reasons for choosing her were.

2. There is no law against accepting someone and then changing your mind after realizing the person is not who you originally thought him/her to be. Also, one is able to commit and uncommit the moment one finds that there is nothing to benefit from the commitment.

3. The important things that OP has continuously complained about through the thread are literally the bare minimum which are required to mark the difference between a relationship between two strangers/roommates and two lovers. Why do you seem dead set on making it seem like OP is asking for too much?

elipheleh:
➜The father too can't take care of the child. So what? He is deadbeat. So what? Is he the 1st to be deadbeat?
➜That's how your gender will keep getting fooled because of your fish brains

What does it matter whether he is the first or last deadbeat? Deadbeat na deadbeat!

2. The one who is fooled is not the gender, since nothing stops this woman from abandoning the child on the road somewhere, like many before her have done. If that child grows up and has to turn to crime to fend for itself, na society go suffer. The fools here are those in the society; they complain of criminal elements in the community without thinking to deal with the problem of individuals having kids, they then leave it to society to have to deal with.

ejieddy:
➜I'm glad you want to wholeheartedly accept him. I do understand your fears. Men have an ego and that ego will not allow him to relinquish his ability to take care of his family. He would always want to see his own taken care of.
➜ It's obvious you want more. Don't pressure him. Rather encourage him. When he makes small gains, encourage him. Tell him you always see him at the top and that you always pray he'll realize it and start following that path. Nothing kills the spirit of a man than the criticism of his wife. It looks as if he's not enough. Make him understand that he is actually enough, but he's just getting started. He hasn't left gear one. Imagine if he enters gear two and three.
➜ Then pray. There are many things I do eventually that my wife tells me with joy that she always hoped I would do but she had to pray to God to make me understand.
➜ Then take your spiritual life serious. If he doesn't join in prayers yet, you begin the prayers. Wake him up and if he won't join, don't complain. Pray for him. You will see a great turnaround I promise you. God is faithful. I sincerely wish you the best.

1. Yet every single day, those same men do, over and over, the exact same things you claim their ego would keep them from. Why?

By the way, egos are not unique to men since all human beings are born with egos. So, claiming that when ruled by an ego, a man automagically should do the right things when in reality most men who are ruled by their egos notoriously do the very opposite leads me to conclude that you are either in denial or high on something detrimental.

2. You are literally advising her to become his mother? Why should a wife take on the role that belongs to her husband's mother? What does she gain by such a draining and foolish endeavor?

3. There are 100s of thousands of our mothers, grandmothers, even daughters stuck to this day, some for years, others for decades, praying for their husbands to change so they can finally exhale in marriage; the vast majority will die never to see that happen for them in marriage. Yet, here you are already recruiting yet another daughter of somebody into the same hell. Why? Isn't this literally what wickedness is all about?

4. Oh Wow! Even though she is literally married to Mr. Spiritual himself, she still needs to devote her own life to praying for him to wake up, and that might be the way to change him? Kai! It almost seems you people worship a truly evil entity that hates women. 😩😩😩😩

dauntless15:
k, I no get time to school any slow person.

Look at this one still trying to sell women the delusion of good persons out in a country that currently boasts of over 8 million children who are abandoned children on its streets, and cannot even boast of even one functioning system in place. 🙄🙄🙄

dauntless15:
➜Abeg name one, just open mouth wah, a good person wouldn't abandon someone who gave birth to a child for him, if he did he's definitely irresponsible and not good, you don't need to be wise to know this, even children do.

All those married men wey dey cheat, in some cases, with married women, all over the place, no be dem be these good persons you dey regale us with? How many of them are raising the many seeds they have sown through their many escapades? Una go just dey talk like say Nigeria is not literally an open book at this point in time. Abegi!

Look, if mandatory DNA testing were instituted today on all children up to college age, as well as all adults out there in Nigeria, you will be shocked to find that even your GOs would almost not escape being implicated with infidelity.

dauntless15:
Na she know who she go born for, they overlook good guys and choose irresponsible people then come with Thier pity party if it doesn't work out, abeg carry your cross.

Stop spouting nonsense!🙄🙄🙄

No be many of those same good guys dey get babymama's all over the place even with their own wives and children at home? Abeg, make we hear word, o'jare!

Kingzjayzee:
New format don arrive.

If true, then people should try and find her baby daddy and make his face known since the child's face has also been exposed by the woman caring for his child.

alizma:
➜Just a child yet she can't feed herself and the child but if a man had been taken care of her and the child. The once that are lucky with 2 or 3 children are out there insulting their husbands for not dropping enough money. Many of them will go as far as telling their husbands to look at how better another man is taking care of their family

. Why the unnecessary rambling? She can't take care of the child, so what? The father of the child should take over. Simple!

JuanDeDios:
➜No. A more sensible take is recognizing that a woman's can't simply leave her beloved child with ANY man.
➜ Because there are men and then there are yeye men who can't even help a child brush her teeth in the morning.

It may seem that way, but the man in question is the father of the same child, the man whom she chose to have the child with.

2. Well, no matter what, she chose the man as the father of her child. He is her choice. If she cannot cater to her child, then it follows that she give the child over to the man and allow the law to handle him from that point on.

JuanDeDios:
➜This is a simplistic take.

Let me guess, a more complicated take is telling us that a father has a reason why he should not be expected to directly fund the well-being of his DNA? Na this same mentality make government for developed countries dey encourage single mothers to ensure that they put their baby daddies on child support so the government can go after them and make sure they pay up.

Hopefully, in years to come, the system will become more advanced so that the moment a child is born into the system, their DNA is recorded and automagically, the baby mama & daddy are both put on a leash for at least the next 18 years of the child's life.

orikoku:
➜you nail it. If at all they want to help her they should hear from the ex first.

Her ex who probably does not pay child support for the feeding and raising of what is his own child? WOW.

Fiscus105:
➜Many of you, when you are with a man who is doing everything possible to take care of u and kids, you won't be satisfied, until you go out and realised, grass not greaner as you taught.

So, never mind the deadbeat of a man who does not know that his kids need to be taken care of, whether or not he is together with their mother or not, abi? 🥱🥱🥱

Camberlo:
Take that daughter to the father instead of looking for pity and go fund

Exactly! Women need to normalize sharing custody of the child with the father of the child. If that man had to care for his own child at least 2 weeks out of every month, with court monitoring added, most men would not go around having kids all over the place.

alphonsojidebab:
➜Tears at Computer Village: A Mother’s Desperate Choicehttps://eyesoflagos.com/single-mother-sells-phone-to-feed-daughter-lagos/

Fortunately, a child is made by both a man and a woman. When she is done crying, she should go find the father of the child, either put him on child support immediately, or give the child over to him to raise, and have the authorities aware of this, so anything that happens to that child will not go uninvestigated.

NOETHNICITY:
The issue isn’t age; it’s context, consent, and responsibility. Islam provides a framework that ensures a person isn’t exploited, abandoned, or left to raise a child alone. What’s seen today in much of the West — teenage pregnancies without stability — is exactly what Islam seeks to prevent by allowing marriage only when one is physically, mentally, and emotionally ready.

Are you OK in the head at all? What in the world is this gobbledegook you spew?

NOETHNICITY:
It’s okay for you people to get pregnant at sixteen, but criticize Islam for providing the option to marry early if you can’t hold yourself

A 16-year-old girl who gets pregnant runing with 16-year-old boy compares to a 16 year-old girl impregnated by a man who is, in many cases, old enough to be her father in islam because marriage is supposedly involved? Many of una no well at all! 🥱🥱🥱