₦airaland Forum

NOETHNICITY:
The issue isn’t age; it’s context, consent, and responsibility. Islam provides a framework that ensures a person isn’t exploited, abandoned, or left to raise a child alone. What’s seen today in much of the West — teenage pregnancies without stability — is exactly what Islam seeks to prevent by allowing marriage only when one is physically, mentally, and emotionally ready.

Are you OK in the head at all? What in the world is this gobbledegook you spew?

NOETHNICITY:
It’s okay for you people to get pregnant at sixteen, but criticize Islam for providing the option to marry early if you can’t hold yourself

A 16-year-old girl who gets pregnant runing with 16-year-old boy compares to a 16 year-old girl impregnated by a man who is, in many cases, old enough to be her father in islam because marriage is supposedly involved? Many of una no well at all! 🥱🥱🥱

ThaThinka:
No, say more. Instead of blaming your corrupt politicians and self, you're busy pointing to the other man. A typical Nigerian! Always quick to blame the other person. So it was these people that asked you guys to be unruly, law-breaking, and corrupt? They must also be the ones that made you nepotistic or tribalistic with little or no room for reason. Continue. For instance, go to a typical place where people are meant to be orderly (such as maintain a queue) or go to unmanned traffic lights and see how these same people behave. Hypocrites!

Most of your corrupt leaders have relationships with your religious gods of men. So, who are the literal hypocrites in this case? 🥱🥱🥱

Emmy000seun:
So the attitude of way of life of this GenZ is that what they learn from their parents too or social media??. because I know even if the new kids now follow the step of their parents their would be decency...so are you still going to blame them for this??.

Decency? What is that?

Dee60:
➜She obviously has achieved something! Can't you see it?

I know you lot suceeded in deceiving women for the longest into believing that their children are their achievements. And we all know how that worked to turn generations of women into banshees and wicked MILs. That lie no dey work anymore.

BlackViper:
From Shenellica Bettencourt on FB. I hope her story inspires you, it is beautiful ❤️

Oh Boy! I hope this is not a case of a boy-mother who raised her son as if her husband. Let's hope she also achieved something in her own life during those 20 years.

kbright2:
➜I am not trust me,
➜ we are all trying to give our opinions to the OP story I believe this questions will let her know those given her advice then is now are choice to know the ones to take or trash. May be to take the ones coming from someone who don't believe in the institution or those that did and are still in it and enjoying every bit of the journey.

Even the human kind of trust is earned, not doled out for free.

2. Nonsense! Learn to give your opinion and expect it to be criticized. Stop pretending you can browbeat others and level up your opinion by browbeating them and their personal stories. Get over yourself!

Filmdirect:
➜The emotions you feel are the beginning of depression. i can guarantee you that in a few years you will be a shadow of yourself and God forbid people get suicidal when all hope is gone. A Nigerian woman in Chicago recently killed herself over depression. Leave.

Can you please post a link to her story?

kbright2:
➜...This will give me a clearer view of what you stand for. Your sex is unknown. If I am to guess I will say "a single mother or a divorcee" because I can feel the hurt.

Stop trying to distract from the topic for your personal delusions. My story has nothing to do with OP's story. 🥱🥱🥱

kbright2:
... You view to marriage is totally different. I doubt if you believe in marriage

If a person must first have to believe in marriage, don't you immediately see that it creates a bias towards it that literally renders any contributions made on the subject untrustworthy?

I do not believe in marriage. Rather, I believe humans have the freedom and abilities to relate with each other —engage in relationships, including in marriage— without needing to give up their individual rights and freedoms in the process.

kbright2:
➜If you want to go by the union agreement "till death do us part" then you give it all it takes.
➜ No perfect man or woman anywhere you make your marriage the heaven you desire.
➜ The earlier you know this the better every home you see is a work in progress..

Even men who openly swear by those agreements in your churches — and other religious circles —don't even keep to those when it turns out the woman is a damaged specimen, so why should she force herself to make a man, whose own mother and father did not see fit to change, her life project?

2. That nonsense na only for una religious circles e dey work. Humans are not perfect, but that is no reason why anyone should then have to settle for the damage that is a grown-arsed human being unwilling to resolve any of his deep-seated issues.

3. For the umpteenth time, your religious delusions do not impact— directly or indirectly— those of us removed from them. 🥱🥱🥱🥱

TenQ:
➜That is not the question. The question was, Did she say she wanted a divorce?
➜ And I will add the second question: Is divorce the First or Last option to consider wrt handling marital problems?

1. To this, again, I say,

Kobojunkie:
Marriage has never been by force— divorce has always been a possibility to all married individuals out there. It is a solution that one does not first need to ask for or about.

2. Divorce can be deployed as the first or last, or even the only solution; regardless of what position one chooses to place it, it remains and will always be a marriage solution. Kicking the bucket down the road does not change the fact that it is a bucket still.

Elyonboy:
lol do you really understand that depression is or you are quoting me for quoting sake.

Religious folks are always quick to talk about subjects they have little or no knowledge of.

TenQ:
➜Did she say she wanted a divorce?

Marriage has never been by force— divorce has always been a possibility to all married individuals out there. It is a solution that one does not first need to ask for or about.

TenQ:
...It seems you are saying that her only option is to divorce her husband!

For the umpteenth time, divorce has always been a solution in marriage from even the very beginning of marriage. (Yes, divorce has been deployed as a solution in marriage from even the time of the earliest men.) Divorce is a solution that is as old as marriage itself. That religious-minded have sought, over time, to see this fact changed/tossed under the rug does not remove in any way from this, but has only proven its essence to humans and marriage. 🥱🥱🥱

plaetton:
➜Same old story with women. You made a conscious life decision at some point, and now, you have outgrown that decision or changed your taste, and of course, it's the man fault. What else is new ?
➜ At the point you decided to pitch your life tent with him, I am very sure that he represented the best of what was available to you. He was the embodiment of all you wanted in a husband and family man.
➜ Now you are very settled in, you want and demand more. And if he's unable to yield, you play the unfortunate victim of the relationship.
➜ You're not alone. This is the tragedy of the modern women.

The man also made a conscious life decision when he chose to be a husband to this woman. Isn't he equally accountable for making his wife feel loved and valued in marriage?

2. He represented the best of what was available to her or to him? So, what if he had the aura of a husband? How does any of that erase the fact that she now admits she was wrong in looking only at the aura, as she now sees that the aura was without substance?

3. Demand more? She is literally asking for the bare minimum in any relationship, and that is what she is saying she is not even getting. Why are you making it seem she is asking for too much?

4. Nonsense! Modern women don't wait around to whine about these things. They are gone the moment they realize that the sheet ain't sticking, and rightly so.

Amumaigwe:
➜...How have you tested that advise to have concluded that it works?

100s of millions of people around the world have tested them, and the conclusion is generally that the results are so much better than all of the advice your ancestors fed you until now.

When they told you that "Experience is the best teacher," they should have properly informed you that by experience, they did not really mean your own experience, but that of all other people out there. That is why researching the outcomes of others who have previously deployed many of the same ideas you are thinking of deploying in your own life is essential to wisdom and a healthy life, and general success in relationships.

Iamzik:
➜Yes it's my idea but it's personal and i don't expect everybody to share the same view. A woman must show equal or greater committment and emotional investment for the marriage to work. Anything less is a failure waiting to happen.
➜ Women hardly leave a marriage where they have invested so much love and committment. They know how to make it work if they love you

. And when that woman realizes that she is literally carrying the relationship on her head, you expect her to be OK with it, right?

2. I am glad our daughters no longer wish to live like their mothers and grandmothers before them. I would never want my daughter or anyone I love to suffer in that way, and I am glad they are realizing this themselves.

Maka4U:
➜I have learned that when it comes to a woman's tale, kindly listen to the other party to make an informed decision.
From the tall tale of OP, she is picture perfect while the hubby is always at fault. People like her are accusatory.... "you did this" "you did that"
Now keep allowing that ....to get to your head and scatter your home, then you will know outside is not smiling. Someone goes to work, provides for the home, comes back tired and sleep and you have the gut to complain? Your fellow girls who wish to have their husbands arrive home early after work aren't lucky.
That zeeworld fictitious life you want to live.....I wish you luck.

If OP were your daughter and she came to tell you all of this regarding her supposed husband, I hope you would also inform her then that Kobo-junkie is the problem she has in her mental and ultimately her marriage?

TouchNfollow:
What do you see, chicken or bird🤔

The head of a turtle/tortoise.

Iamzik:
➜Hmm I have learnt not to ignore red flags. Any relationship where the woman is not more emotionally invested than the man cannot last.
➜ As a man ensure that the woman you're dating loves you more than you love her and make her prove it convincingly before marrying her. My personal view.

When already in a marriage, the only way not to ignore a red flag is to exit said marriage. OP did not divorce his wife as a result of the said red flags in the marriage. So, why shouldn't he have chosen to Japa with her?

2. I don't agree with this since it would mean the man was himself settling for the woman in marriage. Research has shown us enough that the partner who settled would eventually start looking elsewhere for emotional and social balance needed to survive the relationship. We see that happen every single day, mind you. Is that really your idea of a sensible union?

TenQ:
➜A strong woman is not led by feelings or emotions by her strength, sense and wisdom
1. It would be your Choice to apply a Feeling of Resentment to your husband but it is a negative choice which will backfire against younand your children.
2. Anger is a Choice: conquer it with Understanding. His Gene mix and life experience is different from yours. Suppose you have the same character and attitude?
3. Rudeness is a choice. God sees your husband as your head. He is like Christ in your Marriage.
You are not his Wife because you are inferior. No! You are his wife because you are to complement him in your union of marriage to bring out the best for yourselves and for your children!
Now that you are aware of your husband's weaknesses, how do you want to complement him that overall, your marriage will be a garden of Joy and Progress?
Do not forget that he was your CHOICE in the first place, so all the blame isn't his alone.
Pick up yourself and be strong!
All will be well!
The grass always looks greener on the outside but it's all a lie. A good marriage require consistent hard work to succeed! Shalom!

Religion is a biatch cubed! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

This is the very excuse these religious nutjobs used in tying women in marriage to mentally disabled individuals, to toxic men, and so on, for many centuries. These religious overlords(and their minions) gaslighted said women into believing that by embracing such struggle and suffering in marriage, they were elevated and became strong women. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Not a single one of such women lived through that experience unscathed. They all ended up drained and miserable— a shell of a human being—, grasping for some semblance of form regarding the life they lived before the end came. Yet, religion continues to deploy the same scam against women. 😩😩😩

---

A choice, even in marriage, can be unmade; a choice can be un-chosen. The law has always made provision for this, and it has always been available even to women since the beginning. So, insisting that because OP chose the man, she should not then be expected to un-choose him, is nothing but religious fraud, a scam directed mainly against women!

Iamzik:
➜You don't relocate abroad with a woman who has shown you all these signs in Nigeria. That's a big mistake bro. She clearly doesn't love or respect you. That woman go leave you laslas

. Despite all the so-called signs she showed in Nigeria, OP chose to keep her as his wife. So, why again should he not have relocated with her?

TenQ:
➜On the matter of sex,
You have two options
1. Initiate the sex anytime you want it and take charge of everything. Use him to pleasure yourself. If he resists this,
2. then you must initiate a serious conversation where you set a minimum number of times per week. Even then, you have to use him to pleasure yourself.
Phlegmatics are usually unmotivated by anything other than basics. Like I said: if you don't take charge, nothing will move
So, in bedmatics, you have to guide and coach him to do what you want from sex
If he is truly weak in bed, then you should jack him up with appropriate varieties natural foods smoothie with
Water melon
Bitter Kola
Ginger
Dates
Unripe Plantain
Black Pepper
Alligator Pepper
Scent leaves
Garlic
And begin low sugar diets.
NOTE:
You cannot change him.
But he can change slowly with time!
You will frustrate yourself if you try to force him to change!

Religion is a biatch squared! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Just like that, marriage has been redefined. It is no longer a partnership but a full-blown project for the woman/wife. She is to spend her life taking care of the whims and demands of a husband who barely rates or cares for her. His parents failed to raise him with the social and emotional skills necessary for maintaining a healthy relationship with a woman. And so it should then fall on another person's daughter to make sure he obtains that which is missing( that which he failed to acquire for himself before marriage), all this at the cost of her(the wife's) mental and emotional health, by the way.

Like play, she is being literally informed that endurance is the name of the game for her alone.

ryloy:
Woke up this morning, and they have changed our PDP Ward WhatsApp group to APC😭

We all saw this coming, though!

natedroid:
➜I have been with this Ijaw girl (Edo Ijaw) for sometime now and I must say that my relationship with her has been a roller coaster. I have my doubts about her though . I'm considering settling down . My main concern is infidelity in any woman.How do Ijaw women fair when it comes to been faithful/unfaithful?

What do Ijaw women do with your experience with one woman? If you find you are not compatible with that particular woman, move on. Stop trying to make your attachment issues about a whole tribe that has nothing to do with it.

If you are not confident in a relationship, the common-sense thing to do is to leave it. Romantic relationships are not by force... stop trying to complicate the simple things.

kbright2:
➜Your husband posses 70% of my character I don't just jealous but trust me the fact that your husband is jealous and don't want those people around you will give room for faster growth and better understanding in your home because it will create room for amendment and necessary corrections between you guys.
If you find someone you feel more comfortable when you're with, your home is fading off, sooner or later you will get emotionally attracted and that is a big fall out.
My wife reprogrammed me, she is a very playful person in fact she can carry me up while playing or her and the kids can just start wrestling with me just to set me up for play. Now I'm blending with her. We gist most of the times now unlike when we first got married then it was always me and my phone and laptop.
There's one assurance I can give you, you're married to one of the best and faithful husband out there because we don't womanize, can take care of the house and kids than you the wife.
Keep you head up, work together as a team, go to him for advice and contributions for your goals by so doing he will work on himself too in those areas to meet your demands. Please, don't find someone out there to do things he can't do, this will cause a bridge in your relationship. God bless

So, OP, is supposed to make her husband a project, basically, a man to be reprogrammed and changed by her? HIs mama and papa no fit change am, but you feel OP deserves to make him her life project, abi? She should become a Barbara-the-builder woman?

Many of una just no like women at all — una no rate women at all at all. Do you know how much work goes into raising and training children at all? You now want a woman to put in that much energy and time into raising/retraining a grown-arsed man who is not her son but her husband? 😩😩😩

TenQ:
➜As a marriage counselor and a Christian, I will tell you that your problem is minor so, please wipe your eyes.
Yes, a number of things were wrong before you got married like you did not truly know him because you didn't discuss those areas of your lives.
The Solution
1. Stop feeling miserable!
Why? Your husband is not supposed to be the source of your joy, inspiration and future in your Marriage. You are entirely responsible for that!
2. Stop looking at his weaknesses and failures!
Why?!It is too late to change him now. This is who he is by nature. You cannot change him!
3. Stop comparing him with your dreams !
Why? He is different from what you hoped, accept him for what he is!
4. Begin to create the atmosphere you desire in your home by yourself. Don't expect him to do it. He is seriously PHLEGMATIC, nothing will move unless you move it! He will join you when you initiate prayers or call him up for church or Bible studies. Don't expect him to lead... you'd be wasting your time and you'll get frustrated.
5. Acceptance and Independence is your key: Of the situation knowing that it is a long sprint. You may be the one to run the household. You will be the one to get your land and house. You may be the one to go to your children's school. You may be the one to run the Family.
6. Pray for strength to Love him in spite of these obvious weaknesses and ask God help you carry your cross.
7. Don't expect Romance from a Phlegmatic like him. You will just hurt yourself if you do!
Note:
Be joyful in the fact that
1. He may never cheat on you
2. He may provide financially to the best of his ability
3. He would probably never lift his hands or mouth at you.
People like him need a strong Wife.
Every marriage is different!
Every marriage have their own problem. If you have any questions, please feel free!

Religion is a biatch! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

The long and short of this is that OP is already a married single woman — honorary Mrs badge wearer with absolutely nothing to show for the fact that she claims to be married.

So, basically, the advice from the religious counselor is that OP now enter endurance-for-life mode in marriage and live herself as millions of our mothers and grandmothers lived—10s of 1000s of them filling up church buildings after church building all through out that country called Nigeria—, tragic lives with nothing of meaning to show for all of their struggle and suffering in the name of marriage. This one na official: "Welcome to hell in marriage!" message. Kai!

YoobaNesan:
I won’t say more than that!

Them and their millions of minions and sprouts.

breadtoaster:
➜Does it mean that because I said yes to this relationship, I have to live this way? No. I thought you were a spiritual brother — that we’d do well in prayers and everything. But you can’t even pray with me because, according to you, I don’t wake up very early enough. I would say but haba, cant we can pray at other times, like in the evening after work, after all we find time to eat then, but he wont, he would be busy praying alone. So is that enrgy towards building? So is it a case of wanting to be right over wanting to build. Even in the spirituality, I did not get the benefit. I don’t get it. Maybe he’s used to doing things alone, and that’s why he finds it hard to even pray with me.
➜ Sometimes i feel once his paper is out, he would find an excuse and leave....
➜ if he doesnt trust me and tells me he only trusts me 60%, why should I trust hm too
➜ And even sex — like I said before — It was twice i two months, the first sex and one after d next month, then the need to sleep with me with condm, which was when I called the brother and his brother gave him some tips on what he should do or could do better, only then, it seemed like there was a little more energy in him wanting to research and improve things. As it is we dont even know how to allign the prick to enter from the back talkless of changing style. I dont even feel anything during penetrative sex, maybe its common to women though, I dont know. Even for himto reesearch how to enter from that back, If i havent found video and put in his front, its not intuitvie for him to try and research. Usually, a woman would say, “At least he knows how to Bleep even if he no send me in ay area,” you get? But there is nothing for me to hold onto, and it is very painful for me.
➜But now, it’s been like another three weeks since we last had sex, and I feel it’s having an impact again. The environment is tense. And if I’m not the one to notice that maybe it’s because we haven’t had sex that things are this way, he’ll never realize it. He just won’t.
So I don’t know. How do people handle relationships where you have to be the brain as a woman and still be respectful, still hold things together? I know people have done it, but it feels hard. Really hard. And I didn’t bargain for this. Maybe I saw the signs, but I didn’t think it would get this deep. I just thought, oh, he’s quiet.

1. Life is really about the choices we make after we have made mistakes.

2. Something tells me that you may be right, too. 🥱🥱

3. Trust is earned and not doled out. If a person is not busy earning your trust, it means that person does not care for it, and you are not obligated in any way to give it.

4. Eeeeekkkkkkk... what did I just read! This is 2025, this sheeet is nowhere near real. Even medical texts give you a vague idea of how sex should be done. 😫😫😫😫😫

5. No, you are not the brains! You are merely the lone breadwinner and the burden bearer in your marriage — a single married one. By the way, this is a choice you made and can unmake for yourself when you are done playing house.

bigboss25:
➜ 1980 is not long time ago, and he's brutally right between.

Records of such things go as far back as 1980 and prove him wrong, approximately 45 years ago. Most of you today were not even born then. But you would pretend records should not matter because you would rather pretend those should not count since your fantastical view tells you a magical time existed before then, abi?

Zackattack:
➜ OP do not listen to people like this, that take the time to arrange your problems in bullets.
I can tell this person is female, above 30 and unmarried. The last thing you want to do is take her advice.
➜ Your husband is just an introvert and lacks interest in social interactions. He’s probably been like that his whole life. As long as he’s not beating you or constantly insulting you, learn to talk with him.
➜ Every marriage has problems and challenges. Learn to pursue your own goals without your husband getting in the way. There are smart ways to do it.
➜ Power through it, and when you get to the end, believe me, you’ll be glad you did.

Bullets are good for highlighting issues that are of importance in any write-up. I guess you skipped writing class.

2. OP's husband lacks interest in social interactions, including interactions with his own wife and her emotional well-being. And you say that has to do with his being an introvert. 🥱🥱🥱

I am an introvert. I have not been outside the house for the last 2 weeks or so. Cold seasons are already upon us, and unless I have something to do outside, I totally avoid going out. Yet, I interact daily with members of my household, other family members, and also folks online. I am nothing like OP's husband

3. What OP highlighted are not marriage problems; they are rather problems that point to the non-existence of a romantic relationship with the person she is married to. Even if OP is imagining all of these issues, the fact that they burden her is evidence enough that she is not with an individual who is interested in a relationship with her. 🥱🥱🥱

4. Power through it, ke? You mean like your mothers and grandmothers, most of whom ended up wasting their lives serving the whims of husbands who abused them until the end, with them having nothing to show for it except traumatized children and horror stories to tell?