₦airaland Forum

bukatyne:
➜The problem is that our ancestors kept normalising trauma that we no longer know what is normal.

BINGO!

DrAda:
➜This right here answers my question. The abused party gets to feel like the prostitute forced into a situation he or she does not want. How does that solve anything?

Are all prostitutes abused by their clients?

We are talking here of your claim that sex can only serve when certain conditions are met, as though sex can not and should not take place outside of those stated conditions. Some women use intimacy gadgets to please themselves sexually, where possible, are those conditions stated equally met, or do you assume they are abused in doing so?

DrAda:
➜ If there is no love or mutual respect, if the man or woman is physically and emotionally abusive, then what exactly is the sex intended to achieve?

Are these equally conditions that must be in place before a client and a prostitute can engage in sex? Do all sexual encounters need to be geared towards achieving the same goal every time?

Dancebreaker:
➜When the hubby finally finds out her dirty habits, behaves like a log of wood in bed or never takes the initiative, the dude will tire.
➜ Especially if you let a good girlfriend, to marry current one due to tribal or religious preference, the dude dey regret.
➜ In any case, in our clime, love has no place in marriage. It has become a transaction. So, most are doomed from the beginning.

1. So, the woman is to blame for her hubby ignoring all of these habits before marriage, only to turn around and assert them as reasons why he would no longer sleep with her afterwards? Isn't that some sort of entrapment?

2. And just yesterday, I read someone extolling arranged marriage, declaring it the solution to finding the right marriage partner for Nigerian men. Talk about people being all over the place. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

3. Love has no place in marriage, and this lack of love is the reason why women are denied sex in marriage. Yet many a Nigerian man wails regularly over how they are not loved by their wives. 😐😐😐😐

Dynamicboss:
➜Your opinion is in another direction and I agree. What I am saying is that a man with huge workload cannot satisfy a woman like a man with flexible and less stressful work.

Lie lie!

The typical response of the average Nigerian man to stress seems to be sex. This much we all know.

BABANGBALI:
Sex na food? Nonsense. How person prick go still dey rice us under dis Tinubu’s government?

I think we have most already figured out by now that the response many Nigerian men have to stress is sex. I mean, how else do you explain the fact that the population continues to rise even as the hardship continues to get worse? Throughout the Buhari years, through the COVID months, and now the Tinubu compounding of the shege, what seems to have remained undeterred is the rate of new births in the country.

Let's quit using this "Sex na food" excuse whenever we read of some women complaining of not getting enough of it in their marriages.

spiSeyi:
➜The problem with many marriages is because most men married with the need for their partner to complete them. The "looking for my other Half" idea when God didn't created Man to be incomplete

. To this day in Nigeria, the majority of women are raised/brainwashed from childhood with ideas that suggest they are incomplete until a man shows up to complete them. So, I am not certain what you are going on about.

DrAda:
➜This is news to me. Let's agree to disagree.

He is right. Sex is a very big portion of marriage, particularly for most women raised in a society where women are, to a great extent, shamed for having sex outside of marriage.

ediko5:
Two years is small. I know of a couple that haven't touched each other for 4 years

I know at least one woman whose never been touched by her husband in over 10 years; the husband has been touching all sorts of other women in all of that time though. 😶😶😶

Floramie:
We are coparenting very well. He's 100% involved.

Phew! That is good to hear!😉

Broveens42:
➜Stop deceiving yourself... The urge to have sex with a particular woman wanes down over time because of nature. You work your ass all day in a multinational company, but your penis rises whenever you see I T students.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

eazzzy1:
The same couples going through it are usually the ones advising people to get married.

That's the part I can't seem to wrap my mind around. 😏😏😏

CrownedPhoenix:
➜Just imagine! @ the bolded Sounding intelligent, she continues to mislead.

Your ignorance is what misleads you.

Gentleman009:
➜True. You’re spot on to be honest and I agree with you.
As a man, that’s why I advise women to frustrate their husbands, treat them with disrespect, emotionally gaslight them, bring home other men’s kid for their husband to train, be@t their husband to stupor, cheat on them and do all sort until the man regain his financial status back.

Well, if emotional abuse is indeed what you have been advocating all this while then I can only pity women who would think to take any of your supposed advice, since clearly you are not worth taking seriously.

Kaczynski:
➜love is when when you and partner joyfully partake in some hobby
➜ how many nigerians are emotionally intelligent to cater for their children? 70% of nigerians are mentally inadequate and use numerous coping mechanisms to cope with it like alchol, s3x, money, religion
➜ the happiness should be balanced,
➜ i will marry her but no need to rush after marriage is not a child's play

Even prostitutes and gigolos do that regularly with their clients. Do we equally declare all of that as love?

2. I don't have a clue, since I have yet to meet many.

3. According to whose scale? Yours alone?

4. Moments ago, you declared you had no true desires for marriage. Now you claim you will marry her. Don't you see you are right at this moment in your development, the textbook example of men that women should not date? Why not leave that woman alone so she can find herself a man ready for marriage like her, while you focus on your very own emotional and social development, as clearly, you need that help for yourself.

GoodSpirit:
➜This is why no man should listen to a relationship advice from a woman,
➜ imagine the man has to be unhappy to show that he loved her according to most women why isn't the other way? Your guess is as good as mine.
➜ This delusional mindset is the main reason 80% of relationships and marriages are broken up by women.

What are you rambling on about? 🙄🙄🙄

OP and his girlfriend are incompatible, given that his idea of love is for the woman to exist in an unhappy state about him. In what universe does that seem to you like love— the dictionary meaning, at least? His relationship is propped up by the very same artificial enforcements—not dictionary love — force that OP himself claimed earlier is responsible for why marriages last.

3. The only delusion here is OP's belief that the artificial enforcements prolonging his current relationship are any better than or different from the artificial enforcements used by married folks in prolonging the life of their appeal-less marriages.

cr7lomo:
➜U women can't even talk back at ur elder brothers that's even younger than ur husband ...u can't talk back at ur bosses ...
➜ but u think u have the right to talk down on a man that paid ur bride price and put u in his house ... una de mad ... na y dem de beat una

1. That is actually not true. Go to other homes right there in Nigeria where the womenfolk have never been brainwashed into believing themselves inferior to any of the men around them including those older than then and you will find women talking back to their elder brothers, husbands, fathers, older men, bosses, etc. This idea you express regarding women is not of the whole, but of the select part you have chosen to expose yourself to. Reality does not work that way, so stop making these stewpid generalizations about an entire gender.

Even if you are stuck in a wheelchair and unable to move outside of your room, at least watch movies to see that these delusions you hold in your brain are not universal in any way or form for the entire gender or race of women.

2. Every woman has the right to talk back or down to whomever she wants to talk back to or down to. Doing so is not a crime or criminal offense, never has been, and never will be. If you don't know this at this point in your human development, I suggest you begin the process of curbing this inane ignorance at this point. It is 2025 already!

okrikaboi:
➜Most women have daddy issues, positively or negatively. Stop talking to women like their friend or your too much rizz. Just talk to her like her father, caring but stern.

This is not a gender-based issue when it comes to Nigerians as a population. Most of the children raised in Nigerian homes end up with Daddy issues due to the way a lot of fathers are not present in the lives of their children during the developmental stages, primarily due to traditional influence. All these boys here jumping to silly conclusions equally have negative daddy issues... nothing positive about them.

Xannadu:
➜If you want me to engage you like a normal human being, don't start your comment with "Nonsense."

Given your previous comment, I had no hopes of you engaging anything like a normal human being would.

PerfectStranger:
➜Your first paragraph is contradictory, are there ever women low hopes of getting married to a broke man?

By women with high hopes, I mean women who long for an Obi-Cubana husband. They are easy to spot.

Myrepublic:
➜Now this other gender is coming from a different background,and I can't even make mistake of trusting them. (The kind of ladies we have everywhere in the country these days). So wtf are we not saying..
➜Last year,I advised a nigga/frd who was going astray in handling his relationship with his "so called serious girlfriend" He called me insecure and all of that. I smile and use the VDM phrase.. "you gon learn the hard way" He is currently heart broken as we speak. He was telling me he will never take any girl serious again. I told him you don't have to be insecure
➜ If you have not been there before, please don't assume. There are good people out there, people that are genuine with what they discuss with you and all of that,BUT MAJORITY AREN'T JUST IT AT ALL.. Take a look at the CS ,see replies.. or do you think you know more than they do? If this gets to fp,you will get to see more inputs. We no dey joke here madam

1. ugh! Your paranoid delusions against an entire gender are just yours alone... your paranoid delusions.

2. Your friend dated a girl whom he thought was serious, but they eventually broke up. So, what if he believed he was in a serious relationship with her? Don't people break up again? What is this rambling here for?

3. Currently, there are approximately 8 billion people on the planet today, 200 million of them live in Nigeria. Assuming you live to be 100 years of age, you will probably only get to meet, face to face, fewer than 500,000 of them— most people will meet way less than that. For you to insist that, after meeting only a handful thus far, you can rightly declare to have a good idea about most speaks volumes about the sort of delusion you are operating under.

Titian22:
➜Please I need an honest advise. Back when I was 12/11 years old around early 2000. In our compound then me and my neighbour both planted crops within the compound, I can't really remember what happened in details, I remember I destroyed my neighbour plantings and also destroyed some of mine. She asked me I denied, she later reported to her father who she told me later made curses in their local way. It has been over 20 years now and her father died died also 20 years ago. The thing is I still feel I need restitute to her and apologise for that I did to her when we were kids. I don't know how to go about it, considering her father is late and we only communicate via SM now.
➜ Kindly advise me what to do please because somehow though i have been making progress in some areas of my life, I still feel I am stagnated in some other areas considering the efforts I put in every day. Kindly advise please

. This need for restitution is rooted in the fact that you falsely believe humans have the power to curse or bless you. This is where your major problem is. If you wish to apologise to the woman for that event during your childhood, then go ahead and do it. But if you are thinking that apologizing to her would magically cause your life to be turned around, then you are best heading straight to see a professional psychiatrist or psychologist immediately.

2. If the efforts you have been putting in every day have not helped change your situation, then consider taking a step back to analyse the situation from a completely different perspective than the one you have become used to. Consider your individual goals and the little obstacles that continue to get in the way of your reaching them. Put together strategic plans to help you either avoid or overcome every little obstacle. Then implement your plans, one by one.

Of course, this is me assuming your issue can be broken down into smaller bits.

Imagine moving from the U.S. to a country where not a single one of the 774 LGAs can boast of any of the following
■ Clean water supply to homes
■ Robust sewage and water management system
■ Effective Waste management system
■ Good schools with world-standard educational and Skills training services
■ Internet connectivity in both homes and businesses
■ Electricity supply to homes and businesses(through building of dams, use of wind turbines, and better distribution services)
■ World Standard equipped Healthcare network
■ Sturdy road network complete
■ Passenger Rail system linking at least the major towns and cities
■ Network of Libraries with free access to members of the public to support learning
■ Better prison facilities and rehabilitation programs
■ Expansion of police-community programs to help capture crimes across all parts of the state.
■ Robust Gas transmission network for the direct piping of gas into homes. , etc.


I can't do that to myself.

Myrepublic:
➜Am average Nigerian girl telling you about her problem,is indirectly asking you for help.. Except it doesn't require financial help,then you know that she is probably seeking for advice. I doubt if you are in Nigeria,or maybe you are in Nigeria and you read stories online only.
➜ I personally I praticalize and I don't just comment for likes.. I doubt you know the meaning of low self esteem.. My parent and siblings were there all through my growing up,we understand each other more than anyone else.

1. I agree up in that same Nigeria, and back then, we did not all generalize like you do here. I heard the story of the struggles of many a girl, and not a single one did I act as a savior to— I was mostly broke and didn't have money to throw around back then. So, when I speak, I also speak of Nigerian girls.

2. I happen to be very close to my mother to this day, I visit her often and end up spending weeks with her, but even she does not know of every one of my struggles.

I have talked extensively on here about how baring one's mind to a total stranger or even one removed from one's close circle is a good way to get needed release from stress and frustration. I practice that and I know how cathartic it is too. Do I do it because I need someone to solve the problem for me? No! Do I offer myself to be used by others similarly, regardless of gender? Absolutely! Do I assume those who use me in this manner are out to enter my pocket? No, I am not that neurotic. Do I think I am in some way obligated to save someone else from their suffering after the unburdening? I have no delusions that I may be some sort of savior to any person.

Xannadu:
And she doesn't trust her parents and siblings enough to tell them her problems abi?

Nonsense, do you, as a man, trust your own parents and siblings enough to tell them everything about you?

Myrepublic:
Person wan bill you,he say na trust.. Trust fire

The major reason you lot think that way is probably because you suffer from low self-esteem yourselves. It is OK if a stranger — male or female— tells you stories of their struggles and even asks you for help in one way or another. It is equally OK for you to say, "No," if you don't have to give or if you don't wish to help them.

However, concluding that whenever a member of the opposite gender tells you of his/her troubles or struggles, that what is sort of even without it being asked is billing is a sign of low self-esteem. Also, thinking that the only way you could relate to that person in question would be to volunteer yourself as some sort of savior is a sign of low emotional intelligence.

This is 2025, let's all, together, strive for better social and emotional intelligence.

armyofone:
✓ Those color full lizards 🦎
The nodding agama
✓ Those giants spider sharing her room

To this day, I have never forgotten the sensation I felt when one of those lizards ran over across my toes back when I was a kid in Ikorodu. The thought alone causes me to rethink any plans to head back to that country. 😩😩😩😩😩😩😩

After learning that chances are on average people consume about one spider annually during their sleeping hours, those spiders have been on the list of the last I would ever want to accidentally chew on.

ETIIKO:
➜ Today, that era seems to be slipping away, quietly replaced by a dangerous form of overindulgence dressed as affection. In many homes across cities and villages, a quiet tragedy is unfolding. Parents, in a bid to love their children more than they were loved, now shield them from every hardship, responsibility, and discomfort. They intervene too quickly, defend too blindly, and excuse too often. They carry their children's burdens long after the child should have learned to carry his own. The result? A generation that is slowly, but surely, losing its backbone....

But none of what you describe the parents doing constitutes love, nor does it imply these kids are in fact shown love by their parents in all of this. Overpampering is actually a form of abuse as it strips the children of the ability to mature both mentally, emotionally, and socially. Many of the children raised in such manner grow up to become unproductive, unreliable, entitled, immature arseholes—burdens, menaces — in society. So, can it be construed as love?

But here is a more important issue we are conveniently overlooking here, the fact that the only kind of parents who would think that this damage which you describe constitutes love are damaged parents — people whose own parents failed to love them properly and show them good examples of what love is and what love isn't. While it is easy to blame today's parents for raising the kids of today, let's not forget that the damage of today started long ago during the time of even their ancestors. (Yes, their grandparents, great grandparents, etc., share in the blame of what is the current generation.)

ETIIKO:
➜There was a time when love meant preparing a child for the storms of life. When discipline, chores, boundaries, and firm instructions were not signs of hatred, but expressions of deep parental care. A time when a child who fell while learning to walk was allowed to rise again, not out of neglect, but because falling was part of the process ...

What this means is that this time you imagine existed in the past— described in your excerpt here — was also a time when children were equally raised with a damaged sense of what love is!

zoghys:
➜Very trashy, on top the olympus wey don fall. shior

Is anything on your body where you dey there any better than her own body so? See this tweedle-dee & his fellow tweedle-dums online thinking that bodyshaming women makes sense when their own bodies are only just tolerated by those who do. 🙄🙄🙄🙄

Exceed15:
➜Men has emotions too. Emotional abuse can make men loose their sanity. If your wife is frustrating you please show her the exit door.

Something tells me that OP is not talking about emotional abuse at all. Seems he is referring to women calling out mooching husbands who still believe themselves entitled to the benefits that should belong only to provider husbands— submission and respect from the woman in the relationship. Such men see these callouts by their women as abuse and disrespect, which it isn't.

Vergovert:
➜I was referring to Samantha the commenter from South Africa.

Right there in Nigeria, there are tribes, to this day, for whom nudity is not a big deal. So, this isn't really about any one person but about the way of life for entire tribes and communities. Insisting that your way is the more sanitized way for all, where there is no crime committed, is what is ridiculous.

https://businesselitesafrica.com/meet-the-naked-tribes-of-africa-the-cultures-they-still-practice/?v=0b3b97fa6688

tnerro1:
Ask yourself, if she sees someone better, will she dump you or stick to you till you become better. Your answer will tell you what to do

That pretty much applies as far as every relationship out there, not just his, though. Men also do the same thing, by the way.