₦airaland Forum

Emancipation:
Are you the King of so called south south to make such declaration online? How much power do you have in real life to make any impact...lol

...:
Having created a very very solid presence in the Nigerian telecommunication industry by making profits, which many believe is largely due to their unrivaled track-record when it comes to illegal deduction of customer data and airtime, Mtn were on Thursday said to have seriously confused a customer by refusing to illegally deduct his credit as usual.

"I have been using Mtn for several years, and never has a day gone by without them collecting their standard egunje(bribe) of 20 naira from my line, but it has been three days now, and Mtn has still refused to collect thier birth-right despite several pleas and calls to customer care", said the victim who cant take the mind games anylonger, and simply gave his name as Baba Fryo.

"If we have in anyway offended them, they should please forgive us and just deduct the money now, beacuse we know they will eventually, and in multiple proportions..." complained the victim's wife. "My husband cant concentrate at work anymore, neither can he concentrate and peform in bed beacuse he keeps checking his phone for messages from MTN ....and it's really affecting our marriage"

The victim explained that despite not having airtime before he slept three days ago, he borrowed to avoid the wrath of Mtn should God forbid, it was time for their routine egunje collection(normally between the wee hours of 12- 6am) and they found no egunje on his line. But was surprised the next morning when he saw his airtime intact.

"Customers continue to receive punishments like being asked to re-register the same sim they've registered not less than 30 times. Some are totured by caller tunes they never subscribed to. For the lucky ones, it's just a minor 90 calls per day from 5558 that has no reject button. Only God knows what mine would be" lamented, the visibly distraught man.

Baba Fryo, who appeared to have reached his elastic limit, fell to his knees and broke down in tears. "I just want to know my fate, pleassssse. The suspense is killing me"

At press time, the managing director of Mtn's technical department Mr Fabian Ole, confirmed to newsmen that the issue was as a result of a technical glitch their engineers are seriously working on, and pleaded with Baba Fryo to be a little bit patient, reminding him of Mtn's commitment to serving him better, and personally assured him that in no time, a very sizeable amount, if not all of his airtime, will illegally be theirs as usual.

.:
In a case that has sparked legal debates on human rights and the extent to which the judiciary is willing to go in protecting the devil, an Innocent Christian, Nigerian man has been unjustly sentenced to prison for a crime the devil committed.

Thursday--6:am, residents of building 36, Abiola street, were woken by the screams of a tenant they identified as chichi who claimed one Mr. Jibola raped her severally after she soilicited his help replacing a light bulb, and was only later able to escape after gaining little strength, sinking her teeth into his flesh.

Klib paper correspondents at the scene confirmed that the visibly bleeding man could have been choked to death by the firm grip the victim had round his neck if not for the crowd's intervention. It was reported that, Jibola, whom everyone identified as a co-tenant, looked more embarrassed than remorseful and was said to have thrown everyone into confusion when he started blaming the devil.

Chi-chi on the other hand, called him a big fat liar and swore that the devil was never in her apartment that morning, but at that point, the crowd was already confused, not knowing who to believe between the two.

"It is the work of the devil" said Jibola, who was still confused at Chi-Chi's behaviour towards him when it was obvious the devil was the one responsible. "Chi chi i didn't rape you. It was the devil's work. Can't you understand? Don't you read the bible? " Jibola defended himself.

The case was however reported to Ibobo Police station, Lagos, after which Jibola was charged and arraigned before a Magistrate court.

Eyewitnesses on ground reported that the accused's line of defence in court centered around showing scriptural evidence to back up his earlier claim of innocence, citing how his body was just a mere vessel the devil used to perpetrate the evil act, while also swearing he was still a virgin who had no single memory of the act, and still has no idea as to what a v@gina looks like.

The plaintiff on the other hand, came fully prepared as she and protesters outside the courtroom could be seen holding placards containing black and white images of her v@gina while her lawyer, used a long stick to point out distinct vaginal markings which---according to an X-ray they handed to the judge as evidence--- matched Jibola's exact pr.ic.k signature.

The judge, at this point, was left with no other option but to sentence Jibola to 25years in prison for rape and an additional 5 years for what the court called-- malicious intent towards the devil and defamation of character.

At press time, the legal consult for the devil expressed delight towards his client's name being exonerated in a country where everyone seems to blame his client--the devil, for their wickedness, and said he had to quickly be on his way to a near-by town where a young man is accusing his client of telling him to kill his father through a demonic spirit.

.:
Indigenous telecommunication giant Globacom unveils blueprint and plans it is putting in place to make it impossible for customers browsing on the newtwork not to slam their phones on the ground out of anger due to slow internet speed.

The Network, at its latest anniversary, thanked Nigerians for their support and patronage despite being committed to seeing them frustrated. The telecom giant also unvield a new 64gig for 100naira plan which they assured users that no matter how hard they tried, they would never be able to use more than 5mb out of it due to network challenges.

At a late night gala event that took place after the occasion, the company's head of technical issues and installations, Mr Osaro Igbemudia, assured customers that Glo was committed to making improvements that will ensure browsing or downloading on the network continues to remain a pain in the ass, as it has always been.

He further quelled fears from customers regarding Glo improving their speed anytime soon when he informed newsmen of a specially engineered optical fibre cable the company just acquired from Sony electronics. The optical fibre, he explained, uses the latest discovery in sound bending to heavily throttle browsing and downloading speed, and will run on a specially customised server built in collaboration with Google to maintain Glo's dominance as Nigeria's number one slowest network.

He pleaded with customers to please disregard rumors making rounds that the network was planning to improve it services, assuring them that Glo had no plans of improving anytime soon and 'probably' not in the future either.

He also told a reporter who asked when Nigerians should be expecting the latest changes to be patient, that installations were currently going on Nationwide, and that when it goes live, customers would begin to notice significant changes when the current time of four days it takes to load a single page increases to five and half.

Minion1:
Lol, Lalasticlala come and dodge this

https://www.specialforcesnews.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/Sniper-iraq-DA-SD-06-03422.jpg

.:
Speaking to newsmen at a press conference held at Abuja, the chairman of the Nigerian Association of Politicians (NAP) told newsmen after an intense meeting which held behind closed doors and lasted for several hours, that all members of the association have painfully decided to eradicate corruption by selflessly ingesting billions of dollars worth poisonous substances that will hopefully, end their lives 50years later.

The spokesperson for the group, Mr Lai Ahmed-- already in his late 60's like majority of his counterparts-- also informed newsmen of how corruption was a very expensive problem and as that, required an equally expensive measure like the one group has taken, which will see them withdrawing billions of dollars from the Nigerian treasury over a brief period of 50years at the expense of the economy and struggling Nigerians like it has always been.

"As you can see, the painful well thought of, sacrificial process that will purge Nigeria free from the diorheraa of corruption and usher in an ideal utopian state has already begun" said the spokesperson, pointing to several cartoons of viju milk and diamond coated lacasera bottles carefully stacked against a pile of Mr biggs meat-pie he described as "junk food", very very poisonous to the human body, and more than capable of cutting life expectancy by half.

The spokesperson, reiterating their commitment to finally taking responsibility for all the years of hardship and suffering their corrupt practices have meted on Nigerians, took newsmen and journalists to a large hall fully stocked to the roof with gold plated bottles of champagne he described as though "very expensive", but contains hidden, very harmful ingredients and customised sweetened additives they specifically asked the company to produce for them, capable of spiking sugar levels to an alarming level that would, no doubt, kill them via diabetes 50 years later.

When asked by a writer working with Klib Paper if they were still going to continue being corrupt while undergoing the corruption cleansing process, he nodded positive.

"Look, If there was a way we could remotely end corruption while still remaining alive, we would have done so. So, I plead on all Nigerians to come together and support her un-sung heros who have chosen to lay down their lives selflessly" the chairman urged, as he popped a bottle of champagne open and sipped from it then took three large bites from a piece of meat pie.

But the highlight of the event, however, was said to have been when the chairman immediately grabbed his stomach in discomfort, looked at newsmen and said "You see! I can already feel them killing me" .

bykebyke:
Keep manicuring your nails.

You guys are not playing good football,it will come crumbling down one day and Byke will be here to laugh.

bykebyke:
Real Madrid back to their Ojoroic ways against Espanyol of all teams.

jonozo:
That's on the high side. Well, let's forget about price for now and talk the most important aspect.
Ans - Everything is on the high side now sir even the tiniest thing but we try to be very considerable in all our dealings. We are very sorry but we will always try our best to make things work for our customers.

Is your delivery nationwide? If yes, how does it work? If no, still how does it work? Tell about it, the costs and all that.
Ans - Yes sir we deliver nationwide. How it works:
- Delivery within Lagos is free
- We bill based on distance and weight of the product
- We deliver to your door step
- Delivery is done within 5 days

Most importantly, is the battery original? If yes, can you prove it?
Ans - Yes sir it original and we can only let you be the judge of that.

P.S - Contact us on +2349072122585 for whatsapp and calls and for faster and better communication. Thank you very much sir. We really appreciate you communicating.

usbcable:
imagine Griezman don become "baby" overnight all because of BDO.
at least he admitted that None of MSN yahoomail qualifies for the award

eyoniggar:
It will be a shocker by the time Grizzy baby is handed the prestigious award.

jonozo:
It is 8500 sir

Danhumprey:
how far with that your 'one-time crush'? Any idea where she is?

ELYMAXiimus:
Kai. Ksslib, repent before it is too late.

jonozo:
14z which model? Please contact us on +2349072122585 whatsapp and call, for better communication. Thank you

RobinHez:
LOL, I totally understand jare. I myself have been too busy, and I really need to give you kudos for squeezing out time to keep the tradition going. Just don't let this deter you from helping as much as you can...you survived creating ur blog's drop down menu... This na small thing


Yes... I'm through with it. Now it's to work on getting as much followers on social media as possible. And also... Getting to write...

Lwkmd! I no wan remember anything about that drop down menu wey nearly kill my enemy.

Good! check ur whatsapp.

@jayjam, was he invited yesterday, only to check today and saw both an empty date and venue? If No! then there's no need to worry, as Uniben wants to invite everybody, but in batches.

He should be patient till it gets to his batch and steer clear off the supplementary form since the form is for those who didn't meet the benchmark in the first place.

RobinHez:
Miss, the certain Mr Ksslib only made postulations and he never at any time claimed that was Uniben's stance.

He's been of immense help to this group... Something which has been a source of encouragement to the folks in here.

IamNia:
I'm on my way to Benin now. I don't know if I'll still meet them at the auditorium

winsome5:
It's of no consequence. ideally, they were to remove that 'notice' immediately you submitted your online record. so do not panic, wait for the second batch and if possible, third and maybe fourth, just know that every qualified candidate must and will be screened.
I do not know what Mr K-sslib is talking about, uniben has not compiled any admission list, and they will do so 'after and only after' every qualified candidate has been screened.
talking about the time the whole process will take, it will be illogical to compare this admission screening process to the clearance process of admitted candidates, here, only your waec result will be scrutinised, unlike during physical clearance where each and every document [birth cert, affidavit, waec, jamb admission letter, etc] will be properly scrutinised. so this process will be unimaginably fast.

I wish you all the best, do not let anyone discourage you. so many 'acclaimed' uniben students will come and say so many things, uniben.edu should be your only 'trusted' source of information.

raphieMontella:
what aboutt those who were eligible but not selected in this batch..should they also try the form?

IamNia:
please I just discovered now that my English wasn't uploaded is there anything that can be done about it and is there anyone with the same problem plz

Page07:
Thanks For The Reply.

It's nothing jor. . If you have more questions, pls don't hesitate to ask.

I just hope though, that you will help keep the tradition alive by helping those who will be seeking admission by this time next year.

calebify1:
Oga ksslib what do u make of this pls??
Uniben Admission
Screening Exercise
(Supplementary
2016/2017)
Application
Start Date: 13/09/2016 11:00:00
Application
Closing
Date: 01/10/2016 22:00:00
UNIVERSITY OF BENIN 2016/2017
ADMISSION SCREENING EXERCISE -
SUPPLEMENTARY
All candidate who chose the University of Benin
as their first choice in the 2016 UTME
examination and scored a minimum of 200 marks,
but failed to meet the benchmarks for their
chosen courses are hereby invited to apply to the
University to consider them for admission into
courses for which vacancies exist.
Such Candidates who are asking for discretionary
placement are required to pay an administrative
fee of #3000 (three thousand naira) only.
Candidates are required to log in to
www.uniben.edu for further information and
guidance on this supplementary pre-admission
screening.
source: https://uniben.waeup.org/applicants/asea2016

calebify1:
Bro Uniben could definitely not handle over 20k in just 3 days, they made a wise decision to split us in batches. Besides u speculating based on procedures of previous years but this year is different.