₦airaland Forum

wucky:
I checked my admision status and it was written that my application has not been submitted, but i went for the screening with my application record and invitation letter so i don't understand ......what should i do?

princemi:
Reverse literal comedy abi? nice

Essentials1:
Thank you..

So what are you planning to do.. now that you have read something like this

ksslib: www.nairaland.com/attachments/4350245_images26_jpgc2728bc6956631e41e200aa264020cb9

EDO STATE-- A FInal year student of the University of Benin, Edo state, has broken a 1000year old generational biro curse placed on his ancestors by a witch legend simply identified as Iyanga. The embittered witch, legend has it, placed a curse on one of his ancestors some 1000years ago that: none of his generations to come will ever experience the joy of finishing a complete pen from scratch to finish. The curse, we gathered, was as a result of the said ancestor refusing to lend her a pen inside the examination hall despite having two extras.

" Omg! Am I dreaming?... words can't express how i feel right now" an emotional Julius Imoudu--a final year student of Mechanical engineering-- told reporters. " Right from primary to Secondary school, coupled with all my 4years in the University, i always saw myself as a failure, incompetent of using one biro till the ink finishes".

He continued, " I was in the examination hall writing my final paper when i noticed my biro refusing to ink my paper. I tried ramming it with full force on my answer booklet in a bid to initiate an ink ejaculation, but all efforts proved futile. It was when i looked at my biro and noticed the empty ink tank that I realised what had just happened" said the soon to be graduate, tears freely running down his cheeks.

But in what many are now calling a cruel twist of fate, it was gathered that pandemonium and chaos broke-out when a classmate of Julius' approached the excited achiever and politely informed him that the said Biro, was infact, his- not Julius'.

"Immediately he heard those words, his face contorted like an evil mask. Just picture Lord Voldermort's face at the slight mention of the name-- harry potter", whispered a middle aged cleaner who pleaded anonymity.

The classmate, who simply wanted to be Identified as TJ explained that Julius borrowed the biro two days ago when he(Julius) lost his like he always does. And was both surprised and confused why his classmate would refuse to return it back and claim it was his.

"All efforts to drag ownership of the biro by Mr Julius was cut short prematurely by TJ, who, to the disbelief of us all, loudly recited the biro's serial number off heart" said Mr Olagbeji, the HOD of the department.

A woman who sold soft drinks at the faculty entrance confirmed that at that point, a visibly destabilised Julius could be heard muttering some incoherent gibberish nobody could make sense of, and within the twinkle of an eye, tore his clothes to shreds and made a mad dash for the school's Main gate, not minding his dangling balls and bare butt, screaming "Iam iam failure... Iam a failure" as he contined tearing and chewing his original documents in reckless abandon.

rafa9:
nah those were the mbbs students who went for their viva voce. Really funny tho when students are calculating dates here and man just got home yesterday.

Believe it or not uniben will find away to balance the calendar even if it means stripping you of some weeks. Fresher scan do well to get books from staylites and start looking at them. If u Bleep up ur gp no fit light bulb and there are consequences for those scholarship seekers

CaptEColeJnr:
Mheen.. Thanks for the advice Baba .. You have been indeed helpful.. Nothing do u..

Venus007:
Lol. Those ones no be my classmates. Dem dey always dey schl. No break. ... Na only my set go on Holiday for full Med. Department....
I never resume oh.

Toh. Enjoy the Hols while it lasts. The next one might be in 4years .

CaptEColeJnr:
Christmas break... Make dem no try am.. I don't joke with my Christmas break
Thanks for the info.. At least we know we have not be leapfroged by you the staylitesstaylites

lol. Una break secure.

Hope you don pack your bag and ready all the necessary stuff for school? because Uniben no go even allow you react to the admission before una go begin receive classes. Una go dey do physical clearance and lectures go dey go on.

To avoid last minute rush, dey arrange all your clothes, foodstuffs, stove plate and the rest small small. If list comot before Monday, very strong possibility dey say na that week una class go start, or the Monday after.

Package all your Docs for one file, package your clothes too. Pause, meditate, and reminisce for every bite and swallow you take from that home-made meal, because the moment you see 'Admitted' on your kofa page, your life will never remain the-same again . For good though.

Venus007:
Omo we sef don start class oh.

CaptEColeJnr:
Hopefully... Cuz it's definitely not proper

No worry, classes never start fully. No by Monday most faculties go start classes proper, some even upper week sef.

As of now, na Faculty of Engineering(we too like book..lol), Pharmacy and College of Medicine(practicals I think.. Venus) i know of wey don start classes proper.

No worry, Uniben go surely use Nitrous accelerate una to meet up with the academic calendar even if means you guys not going for Christmas break.

dharay99:

abehg jamb is innocent here, that
cattle rearing minister should b solely blamed.

CaptEColeJnr:
In all my years as a student.. I've never seen a school resuming a new session without freshmen/freshers or new students.
Heck!

So we should keep waiting for you guys abi?

Kpele. It's not Uniben's fault. Blame it on the stupidity of Jamb and Co.

Anyway, I am very sure the list will be out before, or on Sunday .

Make una ready... THE HOUR HAS COME.

CaptEColeJnr:
Hello Doc Venus. Please can a newly admitted Engineering student get a bed space in NDDC hostel?? Abeg.. I need ur answer

ashewoboy:
Number 4 is so on point.





You forgot what is there? Oya go back and check it.

RobinHez:
I always wondered why all maths teachers were cruel!


Click like if your maths teacher was wicked. Click share if there was no use of cane in ur school.

ksslib:
The world celebrated teachers worldwide not too long ago, which is why Da Klib Paper joins in celebrating these important people who have shaped many lives for good, and uhmm - worst. We would also like to remind you of the seven teachers you had.

1. The Wicked Wizard:
www.nairaland.com/attachments/4322524_images271_jpeg483b7da0715512868200884af832a9b7
This teacher wasn't born wicked, but years of tackling complex mathematical riddles has turned him into a maniac who now sees harmless little teenagers as mathematical obstacles that must be tackled with a cane. There is a faint line between mathematics and wickedness....this man is proof. When he enters the class, everybody starts shitting in their pants. I once saw an ad outside a private school that read "Maths teacher needed. Must be harsh and wicked"

2. The Stingy one:
www.nairaland.com/attachments/4322526_images30_jpg0db34d07565e713e345286336299ea39
As far as this teacher is alive, just forget about getting a perfect score. In short, forget about getting a near perfect score. Who am i kidding! just forget about getting any score that will make you happy.You will always either be one or half mark away from happiness - just accept the curse fate has placed on you and move on. A cancelled 9/10 on your script is his trade mark, closely followed by another cancelled 7/10 which then brings us to your final score 3 and half. Comments like - "mr oversabi, the answer to question 5 is (August), not (the month of August) "- on your script is nothing new.

3. The Proud parent:
This teacher is not in the class to teach you, NO! NEVER! The school does not pay for such service.
His/Her job is to compare you with thier children, reminding you of how awesome their children are, while the rest of you are a bunch of never-do-well who will always amount to nothing. The job for that day is only done when atleast 50% of the class start to nod physically, re-assuring the teacher that his/her son-- whom you all know personally as an iddiot-- is indeed awesome.

4. The Tattered Genius:
www.nairaland.com/attachments/4322531_images28_jpega03fc9877d52a5db6e443f5846af9a35
There is a thin line between genius and madness, yes we all agree. But there is an even thinner line between genius and tatteredness. This teacher is a living manifestation of that apothegm. He doesnt care how he looks or dresses. He will wear sack clothes & leaves, and come to school bare footed if the principal allows him. All he is concerned about is employing his academic prowess aided by his near photographic memory in his teachings to convince you why Einstein probably didn't deserve the Nobel prize. Comments like-" I have been deriving a formula for 5 years that will....." is nothing new in his classes.

5. The Olodo:
www.nairaland.com/attachments/4322525_llhvfgoigm7ntw3eujzn83yh4dcfq3cccdr3fgbwywxmhlarnrbuxim6eec6c4u2etlr4ihrnvmzd1qhndn7mdg5qqwpwwxytwifm3d0aw320h320nc1_jpeg3c56cb81ca23699ee9ec4bf80040b894
How this teacher got employed by the school is still a mystery everyone one in the class is desperately trying to solve. Whenever he presses the chalk on the board to solve, he turns to the class with a look of "am I doing the right thing?", then stays in that position until he gets an assuring nod from the people he is paid to teach. He uses the duster more than he does the chalk, because let's face it, he must clean atleast 50 times and consult the text book before arriving at the answer. The most intelligent students are his best friend, because as we all know, their nod of approval means alot to him.

6. The Funny One:
www.nairaland.com/attachments/4322532_nfchnzrscwf4jn5vkm70rkjwic01ylykt1iwbb99xhmlvfqqqwo4sdkoe6yyvja3tadmwbmph29xxzpcjon06t6rqltzdsrpqw512h288nc_jpeg4e0b8586b8566be69ea4ff01057168ae
This teacher has no business whatsoever in a classroom. He is a comedian tasked with preparing the leaders of tomorrow, when his true calling is on a stage cracking ribs.
He looks funny, acts funny and never takes anything serious. You always look forward to his laughter-filled class, which not only provides a quick escape from the other boring teachers, but a temporary solace just before the peroid of the wicked maths teacher which is next.

7. The Lazy One:
www.nairaland.com/attachments/4322527_images29_jpeg8864345e2f92f0ba94d6ca593fb7caaa
She is always pregnant. Not physically pregnant, but mentally.... and this somehow manages to manifest physically from the way she behaves. Every step she takes in the class screams toture. She has never successfully traveled to the back of the class on foot, and you can barely hear her when she speaks. She looks so dull and melancholic that the negative energy she brings always rubs off on half of the class who always fall asleep. Statements like-- "Form your notes", "Lets skip to chapter 5" are not un-common.

Bonus:
The Passionate One:
www.nairaland.com/attachments/4322601_images27_jpgf4fc500d206c8fd3faf487418dc4eda6
This teacher is simply put, the best. The best of them all: creme de la creme. This teacher knows their job to the core. This teacher motivates by telling success stories of past students who passed through the same stage as you and are now doing well. When one student is lagging, the class will only continue once they are up to speed with the rest.
This teacher's only happiness is derived from the success of their students. This teacher is gold.

biggboy:
Hi everyone, please I need assistance with anyone presently at Benin or UNIBEN to be precise.

I need to add my O'level result in my already submitted direct entry screening application form.

I was told this can only be done at main auditorium.. Please help a brother..

pqute:
hi everyone.
has school fee payment started for staylites ,
even if results are not out yet .

Pprovost:
You will do well to ignore that girl/boy. That's not his/her main account on NL

masterclem1:
Thanks

kiarra:
doesn't irk me, just felt obligated to tell you.
no need to try and use me to score points, I'm not here to exchange words or argue with you. just an advise, learn to stop dragging issues and learn to express yourself without typing like you have to say every thought that comes to your head.
you may think it's cool now, but it's not. when a woman nags it's tolerable, when a guy does the same it's irritating and not manly. call it stereotype, I've said my piece. do have a nice day

RobinHez:
LOL, epistle loading....

Jackossky:
Habaa..
You owe me 3 bottle of origin be that ooo

kiarra:
for a guy sha, you talk too much.

Jackossky:
....






intimidate... Funny you



I just felt somehow,seeing someone like pukka and robinhez telling me that I was at fault....so I decided to chill




since an in Uniben,do you care to buy me a drink?

just some origins.....

Jackossky:
Hope you got my message.......

I am sorry...even the food I was eating became acidulent...

RobinHez:
I dunno if this a syndrome that only affects grammarians...
No no no...
This is not about staylites siding staylites, it's about people who care about you feeding you the true picture.
Incase you've forgotten this is what you actually said.... And remember, he wasn't talking to you in the first place.




And then we began to get epistles from brother Ksslib all because you didn't mind your business... That's the point bro! A friend of mine was beating up by 'strong men' cuz he wanted to speak for his friend whose girlfriend was been eyed by one of the strong men (thunder fire English language )

The tongue is the most dangerous weapon in the world, let's learn to guide it.
Peace.

Lol. One huge Bros buy one carton of smirrnoff(spelling) ice for them because of mata wey no be mata. No be inside school sha, na ekosodin.

Nobody want trouble, everybody dey form humble. Lol. People that should be twice my age greet me as 'Bros' in school not because I am muscular, but how I dress. You know how I dress na. For their mind, i be one Don, but truth is, I am not, and will never be.

That just goes to show how careful everyone is trying to be.
Fun fact: Did I tell you the Dean of our faculty called me during Ubits and was asking questions concerning my dressing and the colours I wore?

I quickly told him it was just Fashion, and I was clean. He looked relieved. Lol

ColourMeAmazing:
Most of what you said is true which is why I always minded my business, watched the friends I made, avoided night class and anything that had to do with me going out at night, including night vigil, infact in UNIBEN you learn how to be extremely respectful and how to take people's bull

Pprovost:
Nice 1. You said it well.

Meanwhile let me correct one impression in your write up, OAU is very safe. The school is different from any school in this country when the subject of discussion is SECURITY (ask alumni and students you know). Most bad guys end up in fellowships for the fear of being lynched by fellow (but organized) students. More reason why we recommend OAU for our younger ones (females especially) despite the bad calendar. I wish Uniben can get to this level too.

Good morning bro.

CaptEColeJnr:
[Ah.. Twale baba .. So u grow up here.. Wow!!!
Well I grew up in Lagos.but I've spent my entire sec school here in Kano.. Hoping to have a 5 year stay in Benin .