sexkillz:

[size=14pt]You are not happy he even has little time for you. What if he doesnt communicate at all? He even promised that it'll get better when he reduces his hours, and you are here, bickering and complaining. What tha hell else do you want? Oliver Twist!

Dump him, and afford him time to concentrate on his job and studies! Who needs a girlfriend that doesnt understand and adapt to his situation? Nonsense. . .[/size]

Must you be insultive? 'cos you want to answer or give advice? I am not here bickering but until you enter a long distance relationship, you would know better. You both cannot see each other often and then cannot even communicate as often, then wth!

Your long distance boyfriend's work is taking almost all the time leaving little time for you both to be communicating except a few messages/bb chats/whats app here and there and he promises to you that it will get better when he reduces his hours.

How much longer would you want to continue like this or would you just dump him and find someone else?

I had asked my long distance boyfriend to help me give a relative that travelled abroad to help send a few stuffs and to my shock, yes I said shock, we had to drop a lot of things because he said he had a certain amount to use for me which was even below 80 dollars so it got me thinking how ready is he for marriage? I had turned down a guy years back who ws so ready for marriage and well to do as I was in a relationship too and now I see him and his girl almost getting married and I wonder that could have been me.

My thing with my boyfriend is him maybe not being ready financially for a family or even marriage, his degree like in psychology and communications and he plans on doing graduate school next year, so how long?:

Am I just being unreasonable here?

Nairalanders, what are the differences between a husband material and a boy friend material? Those qualities you see that would definitely tell you this is a good husband material and those qualities that would tell you, he is a very good boyfriend but not husband material.

sexkillz:

Hell raised to the power of NO!. . . In other words HELL^NO

What's that? , if I want you, is it a bad thing? Mrs Chima is right. Just kidding here lol

Mrs, Chima:

She is having a change of heart. That's what people do when they are not into the person.

I'm not having a change of heart. If I was, would have taken a bow since. it's just the issues sometimes which happens but it's how we deal with them.

Shy-One:

I agree with Roki

First of all - I too am in a serious long distance relationship and my friend I can tell you that it has been quite challenging to say the least, especially because we "communicate quite differently"

Also - my guy is a very devout traditional individual - he spends a great deal of time (I have observed) - outlining what is wrong with this and what is wrong with that - very judgmental

I am a traditional "Trouble shooter" - I am going to spend very little time pointing, judging, highlighting where this went wrong or where that went wrong.  I "right wrongs" - on the job and at home.

Therefore I detest complainers and whiners.  So our interactions many times moreso than ever before has been challenging for me.  If you are based in the U.S. and he is based in Nigeria - you need to "suck it up" - basically the Nigerian infrastructure is so fraught with issues that more times than naught - you will be the person in the relationship that will "endure more on an emotional level because he is enduring more on both an emotional and a physical level" - you will need to be the one who gives more understanding, more patience, more emotional support.  Because he is surrounded by bombs ready to explode and I am not speaking about terrorism (though he at any time could encounter that as well) - but systems are not in place in Nigeria that are in place in the U.S.

You are quick to complain from what I have noticed.  Are you sure you should be dating a Nigerian who is based in Nigeria?  You sound like you are to eager to throw in the towel and give up.  Are you worthy of him? If he is being loyal to you with all that is going on around him - and this is the kind of support/encouragement you give.  I pity the guy.

No offense to you intended.

I'm not necessarily complaining, just trying to seek opinions so I don't make mistakes I might regret. You are making it sound like I'm not doing enough which is wrong. I am here seeking advice and opinions because I don't want to give up, if it was otherwise, I wouldn't even need to come here.

rokiatu:

But you seriously need to encourage him what are lovers for? He run to you in time of need, you should be his counsellor, talk to him, talk sweet to him make him believe that you will always be there for him no matter what.

You was not supposed to sit there like a dumb fool and go "wow" We run to the people who love the most when we are at our saddest or happiest.

You seriously should apologize if you are wrong. And you know when you are wrong or right. You don't need anyone to tell you that.

Roki, the "wow" as i said was not a reply to his stress, it was for something else we had made out time for but all the same I understand.

freecocoa:

“Wow” Isn't the right thing to have said,you should be able to understand how he feels,he's frustrated and now isn't a good time to distance yourself cause if do you'll only be proving him right about you not being encouraging,be there for him in any way you can,try to be patient and then look for a way to make him realize he's taking it out on you.

I agree with you.

sexkillz:

For this statement alone, i've come to a conclusion that you still have a hubbub mis-mash discombobulated idea of what LOVE really means! Hope you did not say that to his face or ears? Take the advice below! And show interest in what he does! [b][b]That is what is meant by "I was there for him[/b][/b]"

Agree with the statement in bold.


Thanks each and every one of you so much for your advice. Advice heeded

My long distance boyfriend is having a lot of issues with his job and some personal issues and lately been using a little of the frustration on me. I got angry when he said i was not encouraging him and all that and that really hurts simply because he told me of his long hours over the weekend and my reply was "wow". I only said wow because I felt now there would be more time apart not because i wanted to make him feel worse.

At this point I'm thinking of distancing myself completely, let him solve his problems himself since I'm not encouraging or still be there for him and keep on letting him know I'm here or what is best to be done in this case?

Thanks

I am in a long distance relationship but despite that i am having a mad, serious crush/likeness or whatever you want to call it on my co worker. We flirt, talk, gist about other girls, my boyfriend, insult each other, fight all the time and I know the type of person he is, we are too close for a relationship but despite these, I am having a serious crush on him.

I found that out especially when we were all in the office talking and he talked about trying to get with a girl and we were all laughing about it but deep inside me, I felt hurt. Why is that and what can i do about it to stop these mad feelings

Pls help

You came to Nigeria for NYSC and you get posted to a good company and people are telling you it would be good to be retained OR after serving, you travel to go and meet your boyfriend/girlfriend abroad and do your masters?

Which do you think would be better for the future?

deniyor:

Read your books

High_Chief:

@OP---When you are in love with two people(if possible), always go for the second, because if you actually loved the first guy, you wouldnt be with the second one. So be wise

I'm in love with the second presently. Was just thinking about the previous who did not really do anything wrong to me.

y3mz1:

Why wouldn't you just stick with your new b/f? I guess things aren't great? Focus on him b4 dumping him for you ex.

Lol I am and things are good so far. I'm just also worried that the previous (ex) is still the same person and still cares for me genuinely. nothing bad happened to us so I sometimes worry i may regret it or who is better

Jackieugo:

Which guy are you in love with? That answer will solve all the problems lol.

I love the present one. I don't hate the previous

Your ex boyfriend you dumped because of distance and not just that, you were still very young and wanted to explore and you still find out he is as caring as he was and still has feelings for you OR your new boyfriend whom you also love and is sooooooo caring and loves you too, what do you do?

(I sometimes worry I may regret breaking up with the previous but I was so young and going to a different country.)

I came the other day with a curly hair and they started disturbing me that it looks too exotic and it was black hair so please would like to now what other hairstyles suits work apart form weaves?

justwise:

That is everywhere, if you are afraid of that then u will never live anywhere else.

I agree, was saying I think that's what Pendo meant when she said "cold"

Ms. Potato:

UK / US I dont see any difference really so for me I will choose my love and go to the US. I would rather try to work out my relationship as we are all not getting any younger and if you take too long, he might just run and find someone else. Love takes time and hard work. As for the UK, you both can go visit and take a short holiday or sumthin someday

That's right

Ewwwwwwwwwww

justwise:

No cold in US?

I think she meant cold as in mean/wicked

For example, if you are to go study abroad and choose between the UK where you've always wanted to go to see a different side, meet new people or the US where you have your love/sweetheart, which would you choose and why?

It is just an open question for opinions. Thanks

Sorry to hear Ms Potato, I used to read your posts on the both of you. It sucks but my dear, you would get over it. Been there before, thought I was gonna die but here am I I've even been badly hurt twice, You would get over it hun

jay bee:

Lacrissa again
BTW: Da offer is still on the table

toyemz:

@poster
add her as your friend
rein them in and watch
it might just be nothing

Nah ain't going that far

Scash:

i think this is wat matters the most. He acknowledges u in front of his family n friends.
Its nt as if u shld totally trust him on d facebook issue though. . . Keep your ears n eyes open

Yeah i agree but

islamrules:

He is trying to be careful

Careful, how?

My luv!:

He's defo. ashamed of having people knowing about both of you.

Do you hang out together in public places? Wud he confidently hold/hug/kiss you in public?

Yeah we used to and he actually told all his friends about me and family. They all know me and he actually has one pic of us together on his picture album.

It doesn't matter my age people , I am old enough to, I am in my early 20's, This is just a question/observation so thought I'd hear from other peeps.

SAFO:

It's obvious that he doesn't want it to be known that you're his girlfriend.

Sounds like you're his jump-off and his other GF is the main squeeze.

I doubt that,

sexkillz:

Lacrissa sweery, I'm your friend on here, but i have to ask, HOW OLD ARE YOU?

Heyyyyyyyy, I'm in my early 20's,

tpia@:

please let us know which nlers are involved in this thing.

LOL no nairalanders are involved.

bittatruth:

Not really, waste of time.

I know but sometimes these little things could matter,

i'm not a face book addict, these are just few questions and observation.


My bf that really loves me does not like writing on my wall but prefers personal messages and inbox yet he would write on other peoples' walls. Also pictures, even though we have been going out for a while and I never bothered, he would like and comment on other people's pics but not mine. I had to bring it to his notice then he would write or like a pic, even on my birthday, aside the personal messages and gifts, he did not write on my wall until I brought it to his notice but would do to others.

Three days ago, he wrote a message on my wall but I intentionally wanted to take few days to comment and today i noticed he had deleted it and I asked him, he said he was honestly sorry but I did not respond that he knows it sounds childish. I don;t know if I'm bugging myself over nothing, i know it is just face book, no fuss but still it makes me upset. Is it justified?

Dear nairalanders is any suspicion justified in this instance - On face book for example, you notice a particular person keeps liking your boyfriend or girlfriend's status and pictures? Just a particular person. I know it's just face book which isn't that of a big deal but we also know that it could help you find out if one is cheating etc, So my question is would YOU suspect anything?

r231:

What tha

Deleted

Outstrip:

If that woman is 28 then I am 18

LoooooL , Me I'm 10yrs.

MRbrownJAY:

you do realize that his ex wife is also in a serious r/ship, what would you call that then?

True

Outstrip:


sigh, Maybe I can answer it with a fact about Ishan culture. if a woman dies they send her body back home to her people. That is their culture. Please any Esan people are welcome to correct me if I am wrong. My intention is not to offend anyone. I can only speak of what I know

Hmmm with the way you are sighing, I guess you don't really like that??

Geez there was a particular reply by "Ifyalways" and i said as soon as I was done with what i was doing, would ask her a few questions and now the topic is missing! Gush



@ifyalways
Thanks for the correction "Igbo". So what you were saying was there is really no huge problem between an Edo man and an Igbo lady?

tpia@:

strange question for a nigerian to ask.

Why is it strange?

Outstrip:

LOL. My Dad is from Edo state and my mom is Igbo. It really depends on the two people. The man especially if he is Edo part of the relationship.

Everything is fine right? Did they encounter any problems before getting married like from the families, people etc? And why the man especially being from Edo?

rose~75:

Haven't you heard the saying that wherever you go and see no Ibo, better take to your heels 'cos that place is uninhabitable?.

i don't understand, pls explain.


Please would appreciate replies to these. Thanks