Thanks guys for your replies

MzDarkSkin:

depends.

Depends on what?

hunkyjohn:

1 year is very long ooo! You have to find a way of seeing each other at least every few months no matter how much it costs. And that is if the relationship is worth it.

Really? What if we are in two different countries?

Dyt:

Its long o
within dat one yr things cld change,

Things like what?

Girls which would you choose for a long term committed relationship/marriage? A short man that makes you soooo happy (remembering you don't want your kids to be short) or a tall man, you might like but not as much as the short one.

Would 1 year be too long to see your lover, if you have to travel to out of the country for 6months-1 year for an assignment, would you consider that too long or there's nothing wrong with that? Please need your thoughts,thanks

AjanleKoko:

I'm curious to know, why are you planning to move back? Business, personal, or purely sentimental reasons?

To serve (NYSC) for a year and possibly go abroad again for MBA

Wow Finally my thread has some answers, didn't know. Thank you all that responded, now let me go read them

Dyt:

Trust me i understand ow u feel
its smtyms gd n mostly worse
LDR sucks blv me

Funny thing is I haven't even left. I'm still around him but already missing him badly. Isn't that weird?

I would be going out of the country for about 6 months to a year and I am honestly going to miss my boyfriend, infact I am already missing him and i haven't left.

Please i need honest and sincere advice on how to cope leaving him even though he would come to see me in December. I feel my heart about to rip open, guess it's because I've never had to leave someone i truly loved before. I know there are people that do long distance relationships and it works.

solidifi:

Visit a psychiatrist.

You may be suffering from a type of mental illness known as "Paranoid schizophrenia" or another one called"siege mentality".

J12:

You need psychological intervention, perhaps a religious one too.
If this shite escalates, you may end up in the psych ward or in prison.

  I appreciate your concerns but i think i'm fine. It's not as serious as it's portrayed.

190:

LOL

Seems alot of AA have been getting shot recently and getting killed recently

Buy your weapon or get a Nigerian man to body guard you    

Lol, you know you might be joking but it's true. not just a lot of people getting killed, young people too for that matter.

A Nigerian man to guard me for? LOL, only God can guide me o

BABE!:

Do you have dried Human bones in your closet? Why are you scared? Anyways, where do you live? (I don't expect you to answer that question) 

No-- I don't feel the same way.

At all, got nothing hidden in my closet, only that sometimes too, it's the innocent ones that get killed too for no reason @ all or dumb reasons.

190:

^LOL America the land of the living    wit  a confused president

Where's Omo_to_dun to body guard her

Lacrissa if u found yourself in the ghetto in america, maybe its time to leave that zone

try someone secured like around where BABE' lives  

Nah i don't live in the ghetto.

Tricici:

One thing I know for fact is that when you surround yourself with negativity, chances are just higher that you attract bad things in your life.
I think you should take your mind off such thoughts, whenever they come just try to push them away and think positively instead.
Think positive and the positive will happen

I really agree with you. Someone actually told me this too!

190:


You cant live in Afghanistan and dont expect to be bombed or shot every day you step out

she may have been reacting to several deaths, or shots around her zone

she needs to relocate fasst

Actually not in my area, It could be on tv, news etc  My area is quite safe.

Sorry guess this was the best place to post it to get majority of the viewers.

I wonder why I have this phobia of getting killed. For example, even just walking down to a store close by, I'm always looking left, right, sideways just to make sure there's no one that might attack me, be it shooting etc and then at the house, scared of someone breaking in and killing me or just going out casually, getting hit by a stray bullet.

Is there anyone else that feels or has felt the same way? Pls no insults or humilation. Thanks

mama-gee:



Beyonce has a history of inappropriate performance and outfits which is completely unlike mariah carey and rihanna. . .we hardly see them on the news for their almost unclothed outfit to a show.

HUH!!!! Unlike Mariah Carey and Rihanna?

sexylogan:

done it before and it didnt work out at the end. it's very hard for a long distance

relationship to succeed.

How long did it last for?

zipper003:



RUBBISH, U must be an "Ashe" looking for a Guy with a fat bank account, u certainly don't love him! rather u're just Exploiting him, KEEP TASTING THE WATERS. HIV IS OUT THERE.

Get out of here stupid illiterate!!! You must be very dumb, foolish and ignorant to read and understand my post. Foolish thing!

MRbrownJAY:

^^^dont you think that if she was really in love with that person, and secure in that r/ship, she wouldnt have left the door open for possibilities such as the one below?!

No Mr BJ, you are wrong here. I'm not leaving the door open for possibilities, I guess because it is still new, we have not reached a year, that's why I assumed, what if but I really, really like this person, so far at least. And also of all the times i've fallen in love, haven't done it long distance.

CrazyMan:

Remember the regular quote that love endures all.

If you love him as much as you claim and he also feels the same way about you, then separating for a few months shouldn’t bother you.

Agree with you, guess because this would be the first long distance, being so far away.

High_Chief:

Its not easy but just prepare your mind, with constant communication you might just be able to pull through

Thanks, would look forward to trying at least

Mcleo007:

Distance is crap in a relationship. My advice, if you cant keep up, backk out.

I doubt all the time though

MRbrownJAY:

accept your faith, break up with him, allow him(and you) to date other people while staying in contact, whenever you relocate to be closer, get to know erach other again and possibly start dating again. . . . . . . .et voila!

LDR is a waste of time and energy especially since you clearly stated that you wanna taste the waters with other potential in 9ja!

That's a huge risk, break up and date other people on both sides?? What's the need of doing that? I didn't say I want to test the water, I said what if on both sides? Besides, is 8 months to a year, too long and I think he would be coming to Nigeria December.

I met this guy early this year which i really like and he loves me and we have been seeing each other but my fear now is I would be leaving to go to another country, Nigeria and stay for few months to a year and he knows and is willing to work with it.
My thing is this would be my first long distance relationship in which I'm actually planning the future but also I'm also thinking what if i meet other potentials in nigeria and vice versa, him maybe cheating on me.
Would like opinions, thanks in advance

UncleJJ:

O.K Let me tell the girls something very few people will share with ya,

1. Men are not really ready to settle down till there 30+ , there are many reasons for this, but just look around, 70% of the guys getting married are 30+

2. Girls keep forgetting the older they grow the lower there value in the eyes of men, its easier for a sixteen year old girl to get a mans attention , a 25 year will have to wear make up, eye shadow, perfume, expose her bosom, wear excruciatingly painful high heels e.t.c : All a 16 year old has to do is smile .

3. Girls, should have known by now that love or attraction does not guarantee the stability of a relationship, what does: the two parties must have as the deepest desire in there hearts to make something worthwhile of the short time they will spend together, with this frame of mind couple will find themselves working through difficult times together. They must first act as a unit,

4. Girls Should marry older men. if your 21 there is nothing wrong with marrying a 30 year old guy, see it this way, in his eyes, supposing you take very good care of your skin and bo"obs and A"s"s, still adventurous with s"e"x, he will never look at another girl,

5. Dont forget to learn to cook, i believe women who prepare delicious meals have very little problems finding a man who comes home everyday to you.

True Talk

obowunmi:

@ OP before you confuse your self anymore, write down a list of qualities that you value in a man -- that will help you a lot and may reduce your confusion.

What if more than one of the men have the qualities you look for?

mojounited:

Hmm! Women are allowed to have many suitors and eventually choose one to settle down with alas, the same act/practice is frowned upon when it comes to men. . .
The world is truly a Geoid!

Before nko , how about men that are allowed to marry more than 100 wives, yet a woman cannot marry more than one

Nekai:

I think you have many years left before you have to start worrying about gettung married. Don't let pressure cause you to make a bad decision. However, don't sit around waiting for "looooove" to sweep you off your feet. Love is not a pitter patter feeling, it's a choice you make when you get to know the ins and outs of a person.

From your suitors choose someone that has the qualities you want and see where it leads. You may find out that it doesn't work out, but you can bounce back and try again. If you use this feeling of "looove" to make a decision on who to date then you will find it harder to leave the wrong person and end up wasting you time.

Many women who are still single in their late 30s or 40s wasted precious time with unserious guys. This "love" feeling can come even if the person is on death row for murder. Some women stay with monsters all for the sake of "love".

I agree with you, the only fear is there seems to be a lot which seems too good to be true and i know it would not last forever nor would I be young forever, already in my early 20's.

Busy_body:

Like someone mentioned, the people approaching you to settle down would be slightly older than you, not your mates who would still be too busy playing the field or sowing their wild oats. It is for you to know the standard you want and the compromises you are willing to accept.

The crux of the matter is that if you intend to marry a Nigerian dude, age matters a lot to them so the number of guys approaching to ask your hand in marriage starts to dwindle the closer you get in age to the late 20's and beyond. Time flies so fast that before you know it, you'd be 26 plus, and guys, on learning your age - unless they are desperate- would hesitate to take the date/relationship further, for fear that you would start bugging them 6 months down the line for marriage,
hence reason they go after younger girls whom marriage is the last thing on their mind.

You are the only one who knows what you truly want in a relationship so it will be hard to advise you to wait or leap in head first, especially if you are the type of person being loved and loving the one you are with, matters to. Of course if deep down you only want to get married for any other reason, please dive right in before some trifling jezebels pip you to the post.

I agree with you.

Outstrip:

With this mentality you might marry the first man you wake up and see on the day you turn 29

What mentality?

Blazay:


Had the same feeling till my mom sat me down and told me to 'just pick one'. . . thank God I did. The best one too. He stayed. You berra do the same honey. Women make men into what they want them to be. The only trick is that. . .YOU HAVE TO MARRY THE MAN FIRST. . . .!!!
Your work starts 'AFTER' marriage, not BEFORE. Don't let Facebook and Yahoo Messenger fool you darling.
Na fiiim trick be all those 'toasters'! Marriage is NOT courtship.


For sure! The more choices. . . the more confusion. . .the more regret. You are in your 20s. . .do not wait till 30 my dear. Too many broken relationships(even platonic) before marriage makes one emotionally frigid or hyper-elastic and with no happy medium. You are like a ship without a sail or an anchor, a plane without a pilot, a sheep without a sherperd.  JUST DRIFTING. Get you ONE steady hand please-then fashi the rest.

Please, learn to become a goddess without a religion. Mwaaaaaaah!

Your self-esteem will be in the toilet after so many dumping sessions from you or the other party. Every failure in any relationship becomesTHE prospective cumulative hazard. TOOOOOO MANY TO REMEMBER, then to COMPARE AND CONTRAST. . . . The reason MOST people CANNOT stay in marriages these days. Too many greener pastures the mind tells you would have been this and that. . . while forgetting you need to work on your own marriage to make it what YOU WANT.

GET MARRIED NOW. . . you are being tooo picky! The one you want 'WILL NOT' want you.
Make your man what you want him to be. They do not come 'ready-made'.
I made mine.

Bottom line: ALWAYS GO FOR THE MAN THAT LOVES YOU MORE THAN YOU LOVE HIM. He is more stable than you are. . . while you play catch up. He will be there for you always.
But if you love a man more than HE LOVES YOU. . . na you go chop the shyyte.
Soooooooooooo, choose wan!
To be the knife or to be the yam. . . I say choose wan.

Mu he he he he he he

You are welcome sweerie. Please, don't die a  NL young or old cargo ooh! It will pain me too much.
Mwaaaah!!!

You really think i'm being tooooo picky? And how can you just pick one? When you really don't know which one you want?

agabaI23:

I guess you are about 21 or 22. At this age people who will be coming your way may be much older than you are and you will be like this guys are not it for you. For instance they won't be be wearing their trousers down their asses which is the in thing. Those at your age bracket, won't be thinking about marriage very soon and if they come your way, they are just coming for the goodies and if you are lucky one may stick with you happily ever after.
It may be difficult for you to get attracted to them for marriage unless you get close.
Finally at this age women tend to be more superficial than real!

I might be that age range but I'm not superficial, or at least i'm trying to be real in dealing with situations like these. Yes they are older or at least middle 20's.

ifyalways:

Life and love ain't fair at all.

Some of us are actually looking for 1,just 1 serious suitor and here u are spoilt for choice.  

Main questions are :Are u remotely ready for marriage?.
                         
                               Are those men really interested in marriage or they just want a piece of your pie?

Lol Ify don't kill me here lol . I'm sure you had a lot of suitors if you are married now.
I think in about 2-3 years I should be ready for marriage as in getting married then. As for the men, I know some of them wanting the piece of pie and some of them wanting a serious commitment. I just can't really wrap my head around which and also who knows maybe my future husband hasn't even come.

Odunnu:

Are they real suitors or just regular guys who'd just want a relationshp for the fun of it?
I'l advice that you be nice but firm to every one of them and maybe start something with one who you thnk you can cope with. With time everythng wil unfold itself

Most of them are regular guys, the others are real suitors. Thanks for your advice

r231:

you have time. . . . . dont worry

Hopefully it won't continue like this till i reach mid 20's then late 20's and it continues

Please need opinions. I am in my early, early 20's and do have sooooo many suitors either proclaiming their love for me or wanting to settle down but the problem is I have not seen anyone that has captured my heart soo bad and some of them are actually good. I am scared I would regret it as i know I would not be young forever but at the same time, none of the many, many suitors yet have moved me to think of marriage. What do I do? If I don;t pick now, would I regret it later on or am I just being picky?

Thanks for your opinions

How did you feel moving back from the US, UK, Canada, etc? Where you happy to be back home? Did you start missing abroad etc. Please share your experiences

THE AMAKA:

hahahahaha

@topic, tall dark and handsome is just a term. a lot of people call certain white men tall, dark (i guess, meaning tan), and handsome. what can lead you to say that only dark skin men are preferred? are light skin men also not getting married.
kinda a daft thread  

Hey miss, what is daft about the thread? And who was talking about light skinned men not getting married? Maybe you are on something or so, pls read what I wrote again or simply take a bow and leave my daft thread!

Inked_Nerd:

There's nothin' wrong with light skinned men. I quite fond of both

Thanks jo for a better answer. I like both too just was wondering when women term dark skinned men and wonder why at times

Dyt:

^^ teheheeheehe
rili its choices
i go wit any
bt neva dated an albino tho

wasn't talking of albino though, just regular light skinned guys.

pc guru:

That will explain all the Hating ave been getting recently. hmmmmm na to go bleach myself black,if such a thing is possible

Maybe you are ugly as well Just kidding here before you bite my head.

Katy86:

I prefer light skinned men.
I do not like dark man .

That's nice

BABE!:

Were is this fact/believe coming from again? There's nothing wrong with light skinned guyz. I like them equally.

Oh I thought most women prefer them dark?

I've heard most females say they prefer them (guys) tall, dark and handsome. Why the dark emphasis? What's wrong with light skinned guys? Opinions welcomed

jay bee:

Emphasis is on "In my world", and that was what happened when i experienced something like that. Stopped taking her seriously cos frankly how was she going to be able to overcome that shyness when we meet in person? (my thoughts at the time)

Noooo lol the type of shyness isn't the irritating one, Maybe you tell me stand, I say no, not yet, not now, but we still had our convo

Ms. Potato:

Poster,

just be yourself and dont try to be good for him cause eventually if you two are serious, he is bounfd to know your true colours. Whatever he doesnt like about you know, let him have that than at least you will know if he is the guy for u or not.

Thanks Ms Potato

jay bee:

In my world, you had be classified as a child that needs nurturing instead of dated.
BTW, being shy is attractive but excessiveness can become irritating.

Why the sentence in bold?

MzDarkSkin:

pending. . .

*ready! 

Let me tell you Lala (do you mind if I call you that?  )
Guys for the most part love shy women. I am a talker and a loud mouth
once I get to know someone but upon meeting I am terribly shy!
Only a few members on here know me and can vouch for that.
The thing is men like shy girls because it gives a hint of innocence and is
in a way, ironic as it sounds, inviting. It says "come, chase me" 
but don't OVER do the shyness no matter how uncomfortable you feel
because it can be a sign of weakness and vulnerability and some men
are not attracted to it and others will take advantage. It will wear off
through time I am sure but you cannot make him see you sweat too much 

Yeah feel free to call me that
I wasn't excessively shy but somewhat, i think 'cos I like him. At the same time, I'm thinking I hope I'm not appearing that I like him like that too fast, It could be a turn off, so I think

Ms. Potato:

Your story is the same Ive heard from hundreds of other girls when they are in an E relationship with a guy online. The guys all act the same like you guy and the girls all behave the same like you so I guess its normal.

Alrite just don't want to appear desperate especially when we are just skyping.

Come on guys

Ok I met this guy on facebook through mutual friends and we began sending casual messages like family, school etc, then we exchanged skype info and we began talking. I appeared a lil shy but he laughed it off and when we hung up, he sent a good night message with a smiling smiley.

Then we spoke another day on skype and this was much longer and a lil detailed. we talked about our tribes, cooking, which he jokingly said, if he comes down my area, he would eat my food. We teased, he even said i should stand up so he could see me, then i jokingly told i was shy,

After we finished, we both said good night and even to hang up, I was fidgeting which made him smile/laugh.

My question for you guys is being a guy, what would or could you be thinking. Me acting all shy, showing eagerness to talk to you in a way, is it wrong? Should I act differently? Or there's nothing absolutely wrong? Please would love your opinions,

Pweety4me:

You mean lust 4 him abi? shebi u dey ask whether u go still want make he 'pansh' baby girl no dey wrongly mix words jare.

Abi now, u got it Lust for him, want to be with him, want to hmmmmmmm

Ms. Potato:

If he has a good personality why now?

I understand good personality but i'm referring to the other here, as in lust for him or wanting to be with him, company and all that?

Pweety4me:

If i can't look @ him. . .damnnnnnn it's not even gonna cross me mind ok!!

So r u saying that even if his body is a 10, so hot and sexy but his face is wowo and ugly, you won;t be attracted to him?

Donpuzo:

@Pweety.

You cover his face with a pillow and do him Cow Girl.

Sefini!

Lol, how long now? how many pillows?

I hope I'm not the odd one out but she is just ok. Not too SEXY as being so portrayed, see her k-leg. Please no one should attack me, just my opinion

His body is tight and right with the muscles and six packs but the face is not all that handsome or maybe even ugly, would you still want to do him or be attracted to him?

I know it is personal but i'm waiting to reply him. He is not my guy, just a friend who now happens to like me but I do not. just have been keeping it casual. Now im getting a message, he wants to cuddle with me. So i don't know what to reply him without being mean or so and as my friend but no i don';t want to cuddle with him.

If a guy maybe a friend or someone that likes you but you have been keeping it casual, then he texts you, he wants to cuddle with you, How would you reply him or respond to him?