₦airaland Forum

BigBashiru:
No na what she does with her moni is her business.... I don't look to a woman's money and her money is her business.... but she just has to make a reasonable financial contribution to the house that's all.... its easy to do these days she can sell on Jumia from home or take an online work from job..

Lol guy nor be force na ,the lady say she nor want. Make op go type the proposal dey give every lady till e find who go jump at the deal.

See,I will not want a son in-law like the op, that's on God.if she is alone she will make her expenses based on her 80k nor be say you go say make she dey save for vacation abroad with her 80k ,yet there is no guarantee that one day you will not throw her out with nothing but her wrapper on her waist.


If na abroad where there is alimony and child support I will ask her to grab the deal ,but not in Nigeria.

franchasng:
he is not yet ready to marry jareh, na theory him de talk. When he settles down eh, he will change his mentality and approach, unless money no de him hand.



Sometimes being broke or not having enough money de make we guys misyarn lol



You ladies should pray for us to have money, once we have, forget all these long theory guys are writing here because every Nigerian guy I know doing well financially loves spending lavishly on his girlfriend and wife no be joke.



No other men spend on women like Naija guys oh, forget internet theories here on Nairaland. Go out there and observe. Even you ladies are witnesses that Naija guys arent stingy to their lovers na. Naija guys de go to rob bank or join Yahoo Yahoo just to hammer money to carry chicks No mind our commente on Nairaland oh, some of them here de use your last kobo to take their girlfriends to shopping or Mr Biggs and when they log into Nairaland they automatically become stingy redpillers but go to malls everywhere full.with guys and.their hot babes catching fun





Make una stop to de take most of the comments on romance and relationship threads too serious oh, dont let their comments stop u from meeting them oh, some na opposite of what they do in real life them de comment on Nairaland lol


Who no like fine ghel

lol.

To think some ladies fit take the deal then change am for am after marriage.

Anyway like you said ,they guy nor ready ,and e be like say the lady tick other aspects for the op, maybe na that one make am think say she go jump at the deal. Aunty nor just talk kuku jakpa no time for drama or protest.

BigBashiru:
An 80k earner should be able to use 30-40% of her income to take care of herself and meet her statutory financial obligations in the home....

While she uses the rest to fund her husband's 300k taste?

BigBashiru:
If a woman is providing for her self and her needs and fulfills her statutory financial obligations to her home then no man cares about her finances or wat she does with her moni. Nepa bill water electricity - these are things she uses too....

The man pays rent/mortgage and other heavy stuff.

Seems like a fair deal to me....

water and NEPA bill for an 80k earner is different from that of a 300k earner's budget.

If she was making her budget with 80k do you think she will have appliances or stay in an area for big men with big utility bills? .


Na 300k earner utility bills she go dey pay o,have that in mind.

franchasng:
forget oh. Marriage didn't change me oh. I have been a coded horseband material but una no see am before na because I enjoyed those gender war then as it kept one busy and out of boredom lol



As for the Op, his head de spark like NGK plug lol



The op is a potential gold digger

oh so na cruise you come dey use us catch for here before .


Wetin dey vex me pass be say dem wan dey claim if na "abroad". Forgetting say with this kind plan na jackpot the lady go hit for divorce settlement.imagine say courts see say she dey contribute this much for the house before the marriage crash ,omo her divorce lawyer go just dey smile,e fit even take up the case probono cos na serious cash out for divorce court be this .


But for here despite contributing all this , taking care of the house , cleaning and taking care of the kids ,this op fit just wake up one day for some petty reason throw her out and even the kids too.

franchasng:
That is it. This is where Nigerian guys are getting it wrong completely.


Let's ask the Op, did he also share how they will be washing the plates, cooking, doing laundry, lawn, mopping the floors, bathing the babies, feeding the babies, cutting vegetables for soup, and disposing the waste bin?


Modern Naija guys want a wife that will share financial burden with them but don't want to share house chore responsibility with her, no be juju be that

marriage really change you sha.

It's a good thing .


Imagine making a 300k financial plan dey expect her to contribute her 80k to fund the taste. This op head dey shake .

Officialtruekay:
Th

That's well said, only in d states will u get an agreed relationship that is heavily covered nd stated by both parties willingly whereby there is a shared responsibilities 4rm both parties. Its ain't a problem 2 them. Nd they sail peacefully into d relationship buh nt in dis our immediate Nigeria. My brother, it only take God intervention 2 c a well devoted, understanding,committed lady dat will agree to ur terms nd conditions. When there is life, abeg hope dey. Cheers!

Na this one i nor dey like make una dey talk. Does Nigeria have divorce settlement and child support ,do you know with this kind of plan ,in the case of a divorce in the "states" na jackpot the woman hit? Judging that she has been contributing reasonably before the divorce? Her divorce lawyer go just dey smile.

vincentjk:
But i asked a simple question; are you saying she should keep her 80k all to herself while helping her husband munch his money?

Not at all ,why would she keep her 80k?but op has a 300k taste . Ordinarily she would not be thinking of saving for a vacation not to talk of abroad with her 80k , she would have tailored her salary according to the purchasing power.

Now she has to live the life style of a 300k earner's wife with her 80k.she will dress like a 300k earner's wife, go to outings like a 300k earners wife, eat like a 300k earners wife while the op get to steer the wheel and dictate according to his 300k taste.


She might end up spending all her salary just to meet the taste of her 300k earning husband who has set the standard for 300k not 80k.

vincentjk:
So you want to be earning a whole 80k and expecting the money to be yours alone while the man shoulders all the responsibilities all alone?

He'll not die before his time all in the name of being a responsible man, that'll never be his portion because gone are those days.

The earlier your type realize this the better for you.

80k cannot fund a 300k taste ,she realized it on time and bounced that's the most sensible thing to do.


It's best this way, he can go and look for another lady who is desperate enough for the Mrs tag to take such a deal. Life nor hard.

How does a person who doesn't want to employ the services of a lawyer go about initiating a divorce process for a marriage done at the registry in Nigeria ?




Lalasticlala I need meaningful contributions please.

pacespot:
A White woman would have gladly accepted this partition of financial responsibilities in the family. Going by their comments online and the experience offline, it seems what Nigerian women understand as love is money. And thanks to the Simping men who are full of this country, women always get their wish.

Op, your girlfriend wants another Ned Nwoko and Regina Daniels marriage stuff

In fact, any woman who cannot spend more than me to sustain the marriage, she should forget about getting married to me. Sincerely speaking, I have never found a woman so entitled since all my years of dating Nigerian women. Maybe because I have never been married to these women (just my mere girlfriends) is the why they haven't shown their true colour.

From my experience, I think Nigerian men are responsible for the entitlement shown by the women towards them. Most Nigerian men (because of their insecurity) think they can impress women with their money. They always try to price them away from other suitors chasing the women, so they think money is the answer. Then, women too have imbibed this culture of always asking them of money because that is what they have shown them from the beginning.

A white woman will not be thrown out of her matrimonial home in the middle of the night with her kids for putting too much salt in the soup or any other petty thing a man decides to come up with.

A white woman is entitled to divorce settlement as per now say op dey receive 300k as against her 80k.

A white woman can kick you out of the house for slapping her because she forgot to pay for nepa bill and card ran out in the prepaid meter.

A white woman can sit and hold the baby while a man goes grocery shopping come back home and cook and tend to the older kids too.

And so on and so forth.


So next time una wan dey yarn opata ,dey add all this one's join am too.

sharone21:
Bigpicture001, if u are wise u will listen to the words of women here as they have spoken the minds of women of ALL races( also the sensible men here) e go shock u say even oyibo u want to marry will do similarly...

U too know that in all the sharing, u won't share pregnancy of 9 months/9 months+&labor pain/ pushing out all the babies that will bear your surname.

Come ooo, what will be the difference between her single status and married state AND how will she boast to people that she actually married( married a MAN).

A woman can even do more than u are suggesting but don't put forward any dictatorial proposal to her.

As in law, say her family won't feel that their daughter married a man as u have also taken what she can take to send to her family when married.

See, when it comes to PLANNING, I don't think ANY man born of a woman can plan reach me, BUT I still leave room for God's own master plan, believe me, God can even scatter and rearrange that your family financial plan...your source is God, NOT your incomes.

E be like say Nigerian boys only see partnership in marriage as sharing financial responsibilities only neglecting other aspects

It takes wisdom, patience and maturity as a man to be a husband and rather, that is y Bible admonished men to marry their wives with understanding... U no even talk of how to PAMPER/SPOIL her as your woman, the pampering she will still contribute money to enjoy vacation....U still need to go meet men who have been married successfully for YEARS to counsel/mentor u about marriage...Hope u are even pampering her in courtship for her to be able to submit her money to u not that u are stingy....Because, any extra change in the hands of a man may not be too trusted as he can use it to service side babes.

E be like say you nor read where she will be the one to buy her own clothes,I am sure there are some clothes he will disapprove as per say his circle is not for 80k earners ,dem go dey share bills for outing too o. This kind person e go get some kind restaurant and orders e go dey place as per say na 300k earner.

He wants an 80k to fund his 300k lifestyle.Cos on a normal day no 80k earner go carry her money dey talk of vacation abroad .

Na devil's deal op give the lady ,I'm glad she wasn't desperate to stick around for premium tears.

vincentjk:
All these nairaland bitter feminist, but why the thing com pain u pass the lady wen u nor even sabi?

Atleast it's good you acknowledge the lady isn't pained,she jeje carry herself jakpa .

Wanting an 80k earner to use her salary for 300k taste.

Which person wey normal go dey earn 80k dey think of vacation abroad? Ask yourself the question.

BigBashiru:
U are right but that's because the op isn't red pilled and still believes in love etc. Redpilled men keep ag least 250 women at any given point in time and so care less.... but ur right.

lol ,this kind one wey tight hand no fit even keep two women at a time?

If the lady wasn't good, someone full of himself like the op will not even think of wifing her. E just shock am say as she good reach she nor take e employee deal ,even some employees dey get better deal sef.

Las las the op fit see woman wey go accept e proposal out of desperation and go change am for am after marriage the karma go too sweet.

BigBashiru:
If its her life and her choice then it's the man's life and choice too.... the op even try sef... I know a guy that sayit must be 50-50 contribution else he no dey marry. Guys are woke now

Then why is he the one running here to get a pat on the back from misogynistic nitwits? Why all the wailing? She quietly left no fuss, no drama ,ehen? I am sure the reason is because he was expecting her to be desperate enough to hold on as per say man nor many , e shock am say aunty jakpa

ivolt:
A man who earns 300K should have nothing to do with a woman who earns 80K unless
he understands the ramifications of such action.

He wants to place a 300K salary burden on someone who earns 80K if you know what I mean.
People's salary influence their taste, a gift that is valuable to a minimum wage earner may be useless
to a millionaire.
Her salary is even lower than many people's monthly Nepa bill.

Vacation really? No sensible person who earns 80K will even contemplate such when their focus should
be 100% on future investment.

the bolded is what I have been saying.

Imagine asking her to contribute from her 80k to vacations abroad ,car and cable subscription . If she was alone she would probably not even be thinking of vacation not to talk of abroad. This kind of guy na better meat and medemede e go like to dey eat where as he wants his wife to be using her 80k for food supplements.

seunfly:
To avoid assumptions is the reason why I said we needs to know d details of op's proposal instead of assuming it is all negative based on mindset, if the mindset is negative, the assumption will be negative but turning down details and assuming negative is also not wise.
From my own point of view and based on people around me, I will like to know d details and that was why I keep emphasis on mind set.

Like v said before, it's obvious majority of people on this thread are not married, they all hold a position of negativety to marriage which is not so.

He already gave the details na you wan dey form oversabi dey assume.

He stated it all clear there, but hey God forbid say you nor blend your bias join. You sef look your own mindset wether e clear like this so? Nor be bias dey ooze so?

Come your wife nor come this world with anybody if she wan dey hand her salary over to you dey kneel down dey serve you food, her call,that you will now come and be using that to dictate to others is nothing short of outright imposure.


Assuming negative? Lol so only women have red flags and deal breakers? Who even knows the manner in which the op presented the proposal to her ,you nor dey there, but assumptions just full your mindset.


At the end,it's her life and her choice ,the only reason is see boys whining and wailing is that she had the guts to walk out and wasn't ready to accept a bad deal just to bear Mrs.

seunfly:
Like I v said, all this is mind set. If it is from my interpretation, I will gladly accept and if my wife sees this proposal I don't think she will also complain but if people have small mind and roll with similar people they will think in other direction.

We all can't interpret things in the same way, it has to be within our own realm and frame of mind and exposure.

There are women who don't mind handing over their entire salary to their husbands , does that mean other women who dont are not wife material.

Your wife is your wife ,to each his own ,it doesn't make your wife better than any other woman out there.

If you say turning down such a deal and not making assumptions like you are obviously doing is lack of exposure ,I will gladly be non-exposed ,but also remember that assumptions is for fools and not a smart thinking to carry around.

pompeiimagnus:
Lmao….just wow!

Go and learn your history before coming here to yarn opata.

seunfly:
@Bolded, I don't know op but I don't think those responsibilities falls only on the wife, majority of men are already doing this.
Let me give you instance, I stays in a compound of four occupants and majority of times I hears my neahbour in the kitchen just the same time I'm in the kitchen, we all meet at laundry point together and we gist about politics, economy and latest business in town at Laundry point.
The grocery is done now adays by men or both husband and wife, u needs to go to super markets to see what I'm saying even local market is full of men or u see men stand by the car while women goes in to buy.

To be honest, I don't know the kind of men some ladies roll with but in my circle, homes, friends, environment all u mentioned are not exclusively women's thing again.

On the issue of meat, the op said he will buy food in bulk which is what I do, do u care to know exactly what he will buy in bulk? Meat, fish, chicken can also be bought in bulk and the supplement could be some things that got exhausted before the next bulk purchase which could even be rice not necessarily meat.

What I see here is small mind, if op's list was interpreted by me, he has done majority of the house spending but all this depends on mind set. I noticed women buys things in small quantity all the time while men buys things in large quantity once every 3 months or so, this might affect ur interpretations or op's girlfriend interpretation, it took my wife quite a while before she got used to bulk purchase of food stuff including meat or any thing at all.
Infact op's list is more or less our list in my house except the vacation things, my wife supplement the food stuff pending the time I will make d next bulk purchase.

On cable subscription, yes my wife pays for it even though it was not mandated by me I normally pays 6 to 12 months advanced subscription and when dstv messed up my subscription by mismanaged my advanced payment I vow never to give dstv my money again and I downgraded to only cartoon channels for my kids but she picked it up because it affects her own entertainment.

Like I v said, this things is mind set, any lady that have a big mindset will care to know the details of op's list before she bolt because if I interprete op's list, the ladies do be very happy totaled the responsibility except the vacation thing.

Details? Lol,you are not the op, so why are you assuming on his behalf, it's not in your place to determine heavy or light food stuff the op is talking about neither are you in the position to tell us a person like the op that is full of himself will cook and clean

Mr man , I don't know why all of you boys seem to be whining tho? Isn't this a proposal? She has the right to turn it down, you boys are acting like she was obligated to accept the proposal or something?

As far as the op was quick to list the finances and not the chores ,it's a red flag and a bad deal.


Again I will repeat for daft ones to hear,that she turned down the deal doesn't make her less of a wife material,she doesn't have to use her 80k to live the standard of a 300k earner.He wants her to contribute to vacations abroad , car

pompeiimagnus:
Her salary is negligible and inconsequential in this case anyways, so that your imaginary 60% is meaningless. Even your great and grandmothers went to the farm and market to financially support their families regardless of how small the contribution was. I no just get your strength sha. Lmao

Seems you are slow.

Her salary is incosequatial but it was consequential enough to warrant a drafted proposal. Even an employee gets a better deal.

And the great grand mothers were given farmland by their husbands, or your knowledge of history is too distorted to know that part?

And your great grandfather bought wrappers for their wives ,incase you also missed that part of history.

Just getat. You nor know anything.

seunfly:
Calling him stingy despite contributing 80% of his income shows the entitlement mentality of average Nigerian girls.
Yes some things in that list are outrageous, it shows he doesn't even know what day to day running of family is but calling him stingy with this plan is very wrong.

Do u noticed op even short himself in the foot buy saying he will buy car and maintain it which includes fueling the car? I hope u know transportation is out of her concern?

He said hospital bills will be his also.

Ladies are just mad that the guy dear to plan the woman's income into the family which is how it should be in the first place but they way daughters are brought up, they tend to think it is wrong.

Nope I am not mad at planning finances but the way and manner is the problem.

Infact the op comes off as lacking empathy. Now
The both of them work and contribute to the house ,they both go through work stress regardless of the salary ,so let me ask would the op be open to sharing the chores and taking care of the kids as well? Will the op be open to going to the market to get groceries and cook ?

If we even do the maths ,the lady might end up spending her entire salary ,the least meat I have bought for just small stew is 2k and for someone full of himself like the op he will not want to repeat one meal twice a day, he says she will take care of food supplement ,but buying 2k meat per pot is not "light " expenses how much be kilo of chicken? How much be fish? she never buy stock fish and other medemede.

She is also going to be paying cable subscription o,you sef check am na. I am sure she has done the maths and gave it a thought.l sincerely hope she meets some more reasonable ,cos the fact that she turned down the deal doesn't make her a less wife material .

pompeiimagnus:
Lmao…in Western societies why do you think people get prenuptial agreements before getting married
Especially when one partner clearly has more to lose financially
You really think if the lady was the one making 300k she wouldn’t have this discussion with him
Try dey reason before you respond sha, it’s not that hard.

In western bla bla bla na here dem dey see una ,in those same western countries men cook clean and shop. But here her ancestors will be invoked from the land of the dead if such happens here.

You sef nor dey reason like who e brain dey under e yansh, abi you don use mess ruin the cells finish .

Incase you missed that part where prenup is based on issues of custody and divorce settlement of which you and I know such things are alien to Nigeria .


It's unintelligent to even bring prenup in this context. You and I know in Nigeria despite her still contributing more than 60% of her salary and doing all the chores and taking care of the kids ,he can still throw her out for putting too much salt in the soup and absolutely nothing will happen.

pompeiimagnus:
Lmao…he makes 3.5 times her salary and can afford to carry 100% of the financial responsibilities. So you really think he needs her money? He simply wanted to have a financial discussion with his girlfriend and you call that a red flag? Really? Just to ask, what then was the purpose of going to school from childhood for over 16 years if you will not freely support your man in the family finances The entitlement is real sha!

In this life manner of approach is everything. Maybe the fact that the op feels he is well off than her is the reason he is too full of himself to approach like someone he wants to marry and not an employee you are offering a job offer to. And that itself is even a more worrisome red flag .


Freely is the word here except you are ignorant of what "freely" means in the context of being handed proposal.


Yen yen yen , entitlement ,you sure have been using words not related to the context of this thread. It's not entitlement to walk out of a relationship ,it's even the more not entitlement if you are given a devil's deal and turn it down.

Yes some women will accept it, good for them, it does mean the lady is will not be a good wife to someone else. It's just how the world works. All this nagging and wailing from boys is nauseating abeg. She didn't make a fuss,she didn't protest ,she gave it a thought and decided it wasn't for her, that sounds like a sensible lady if you ask me.

pompeiimagnus:
I’m not the OP but I’m an Igbo man. While we do not necessarily mind if our wives would support financially, most successful Igbo men marry financially prudent wives. In fact we find a way of involving her in the family business so she can learn the trade and see firsthand what it takes to be the breadwinner. This involves having matured financial discussions with our wives. This lady swiftly ran from even having that discussion in the first place!

There is nothing here that states that the lady in question is not prudent tho,it's just your assumptions working on your reality. If she wasn't prudent a stingy dictator like the op would not even think of marriage with her.


Yes she ran, there are deal breakers and red flags, taking the devil's deal is not must . She isn't that desperate to bear Mrs and take just any deal.


Like someone suggested below he should get a woman who hands over her salary to him. Just because there are women out there who can take such a deal doesn't make the lady a non wife material. Make una nor dey yarn opata like that ,is stupid and childish.

As the saying goes different strokes for different folks , that she rejected this deal doesn't mean she won't make a good wife to a more reasonable man.

bigpicture001:
Thanks man.. heard from her friend that sh said am too stingy,.

Honestly I didn't make her spend up to 50k from her wage.. 300k is not big and can be exhausted soon..

The weight will be too much if I form the normal Nigerian guy who likes to carry load on their head

It's either you are bad at maths or just plain unintelligent.

You think your so called light food stuff aka daily supplements is small money for an 80k earner? and I am sure the so called supplement food stuff will include meat. The least meat I have bought for a pot of soup is 2k. DStv /gotv/ NEPA bill unkor?,the so called outings unkor?

Guy getat!. I don't even know why you are pained to the extent of bringing it here ,you gave her the devil's deal she quietly rejected it and bounced ,so why the whining. Marriage is not by force na, she is not that desperate to take your deal ,go and look for someone else. Not all proposals must be accepted.

Na boys dey even create threads pass these days, whining and nagging . Mteeeew.

Even if there was room for negotiation the fact that I wasn't there when the plan was made is a red flag.


These boys think only women have red flags ,oh as per say men nor many , anything thrown at her will be met with no resistance as per say she need to be Mrs by fire by force.

To think he even labelled food stuff as "heavy " and " light" hey God! nothing person nor go see for this earth.I am sure you are the type of guy that will ask her to contribute money to the things you will take to her parents during festive season

You might think you dodged a bullet, the universe might just be dodging a bullet on her behalf.



It's better this way though cos I see you as a difficult person and "tight hand" kind of guy. And between dating a gambler and a tight hand I can't place which one is the devil and the blue sea.


And as for those bitter misogynistic nitwits beating the drums for you I hope they are there when your marriage finally crashes cos I don't see you lasting in marriage no matter who you end up with if you stay on this path.

Brarrie:
Wish to share ?I have alot to share too

Don't wish to share. Thanks.

Lol.

So much wailing and whining on this thread tho. .

All the cries of these misogynistic nitwits is music to my ears


Dj play me "cry me a river " by Justin Timberlake.

ReneeNuttall:
There's no fun innit,unless u are at war with urself,or trying impress people.

I tried it twice and gave up. I couldn't wash my below properly, also I dashed my leg against d kitchen cabinet and broke a toe nail.I died and came back to life. Its trashy abeg.

sorry about the toe nail. Even with my short nails I still occasionally scratch myself unknowingly.


To those who can manage things well with fixed nails kudos to them, I don't have the strength for it.

Never fixed nails since I was born ,seeing this I don't think I am missing out .

ednut1:
I don't hear you. good mother my foot

Sometimes you have to put aside your "pepper body" and see things clearly. Things are already difficult for kids in this kind of situation why make life even more difficult for them?.

Lord help them if the pregnant girlfriend is the typical bad step mom or whoever they end up staying with sees them as helps instead of family.

No matter how toxic she is I can bet my breast that she will never maltreat her kids the way a step mother or relative would do to her kids.