₦airaland Forum

I have never been able to understand the unwillingness of people to use simple protection once they have decided to have extramarital sex. I mean 50 card Goldcircle would have saved all this drama. (It is N50, isn't it?)

Well, if all what you have said is accurate, then it is just too obvious that someone is trying to trap someone with someone else's baby.

No offense to all you guys here but any mother who refuses to realise her married son now has his own family and life to live, who is "just missing him" and to show how much she loves him is bringing food to him DAILY, has chosen to bring issues into said son's life.

sisisioge:
Aunty...don't get yourself stressed unnecessarily jare.

Get a bigger fridge/freezer. Cook regardless and serve you meal if that's what you want him to eat that day and refrigerate mama's own. The days you don't feel like cooking, bring out her own for both of you to eat. Issue resolved fa.

Makes sense.

But you know what they say about little foxes.

Or a stitch in time.

LoveDecay:
Does your wife have a single sister?

So sorry. She's the only girl. With 4 brothers!!!

Wife has no business dragging remote with mama. Respect for the elderly is not simply a traditional thing. It is morally right. In addition, mama is a guest in the house. Guest should be given preference.

Mama has no business dragging remote with wife. Self respect is a virtue. When in someone's home, it behoves you to maintain your dignityand show understanding with your host's preferences.

Diplomacy from eithe side would solve everything in the first place.

UyaiIncomparabl:
Yea dear. You might also need to check your character too. You might have a very bad character that pursues girls away from you. Feel free to holla at me for your counselling, in case you need help.

Well, he does go by Acidosis after all.
Either he has an acidic, caustic, nasty attitude that turns off the girls around him, or he is acid, like ecstasy, so much fun to be with, high as fly and all around great guy making girls think he's a player and not one to settle with.

Some stupid spambot banned me for a while for nothing more than trying to modify a post because I saw a spelling error. I gues the bots in Nairaland have not been updated since 1978.

Anyways, I see the failure of fatherhood in Nigeria as another result of the failure of leadership. Our leaders believe leadership is rulership. They see themselves as unquestionable and infallible overlords when leadership should be more like shepherding. A shepherd guides, protects and cares for his sheep. He disciplines every time it is needed but he primarily guides and cares.

But we should also remember the pressures men in this age face. Pressures to provide. To succeed. To meet society's standards. To "be a man". These pressures are immense and manny men in a bid to meet what is expected of them miss what is right for them.

Many women and wives do not understand this and will pile up even more pressures on their men making it worse for them. Especially as society has made caeing for the children the woman's job. This, by the way, isn't necessarily a bad thing. An emotional thinker is more likely to do a better job on children who are not yet capable of rationally following through a thought but will still "feel" their way out of things.

No woman, however, has the right to bad mouth a father to his kids irrespective of what the man has or hasn't done.

Jobia:
where do people find men like you??

We are actually everywhere. Problem is most people can't see that. Afterall, we aren't flashy, loud, obvious, we tend to be quite focused, reserved, disciplined and principled. But people tend to mistake that for weakness, being boring and timid.

OmoAlata1:
Can you boldly and proudly say your wife has been the only woman you have slept with in that 16 yrs and she has been the only woman that has seen or felt your nakednessss?

Fact. I got married a virgin.

@Ishilove
Do I think men are polygamous by nature?

No. Men are sinful by nature. The race of Man, that is. Both sexes. And so Men do what pleases the flesh. Some do this by being polygamous/ polyandrous. Some do this by being in same sex relationships. Some by being in open relationships. All because it is more pleasing to satisfy urges than to control self.

Even in cultures that allow and promote multiple partners, you find many men (and women) who maintain monogamous heterosexual relationships. Case in point. IBB himself. Here is a man whose power, culture and religion allowed him to have multiple wives but who chose not to. Now I don't know if he had a fling here and there or a mistress in the next town, but he chose to promote a monogamous lifestyle.

Ishilove:
LewsTherin, do you ever get tempted to cheat? Many men say they can't eat draw soup for the rest of their lives so they have to go out to eat egusi and assorted. They also claim men are polygamous by nature.

Please I need your honest comments on the above, being that you are a happily married man.

Do I get tempted to cheat? It's easy to say NO! I AM NEVER TEMPTED TO CHEAT!! But in reality, it's not that simple.

Like any warm blooded man, I can recognise a hot piece of a** when I see one. But then I remember two things.
1. How can I do this thing and sin against God and against man?
2. My wife also happens to be a hot piece of a** who I also happen to love deeply.

So I can comfortably ignore what sights my eyes are presented with. Added to this is that I do all within my power to stay away from places and people that will present a source of temptation to me. I keep busy, I keep my family close, I stay close to my God.

So no, I am never tempted to cheat.

roaringlamb01:
Thanks for explaining, I see your angle better now. But mehn, it is difficult either way, its Nigeria and tradition. It would still come down to me (the man). Inlaws are sensitive but one should be strong from the get go, I think! Funny enough, my wife says they have been asking if my parents have left, they haven't even spent two weeks.

I will soon test them, I want to see if they will ask them to come back.

Now this doesn't bode well. For her parents to be asking if yiur parents have gone. They want to know if you hold your own family to thensame standards you held them to. That is the problem. Your in laws have a negative mindset towards you. Fortunately, it seems like your wife's got your back.

My advice. Get your wife to gently warn them. "Why are you talking like this? Do you want my brothers to move into my marital home but don't want his parents to stay for long periods? Are you trying to bring issues into my marriage?" You know, that kind of thing. She should stress on how it all affects her marriage. That should cool things down somewhat. No parents not from hell want to strain their only daughter's marriage.

bukatyne:
Sorry for the late response

I am 31yrs young

I am all of the above except single

Where is my cake?

Awwwww. The cake was about to get to you when some South African miscreants attacked some Nigerian miscreants. I still don't know the end of the matter myself

I was about to suggest a friendly match with Nigeria as a way to calm tensions.

Then I realised Nigeria will very probably give them a good thrashing further increasing the beef the South Africans have for Nigeria.

Oh well. I have no suggestions to give then.

Breaststroke:
I can relate to this, I grew up in a somewhat similar environment. The only difference is, we never had that number of people living together at once, but our house was like an open house that catered to the needs of every Tom, Dick and Harry.
.......

Damn. That's messed up.

So how do you run your home now?

Is your concern about the paternity of your kid or the fact that she only wants her mother?

bukatyne:
To think I was thinking of coming to visit next week.

My dear, you have 2 options. Come with your sleeping bag and tent or go to football viewimg center at the busstop and beg them to show you Big Brother!

I will even give you the opportunity to book a 2 week stay and spend 5 weeks (if Bross will gree!)

theButterfly:
You were right to get them out because they didn't respect you and could've easily influenced your two sons negatively

What were they selling?

I think he wanted to say "sleep"

And if anyone watches Big Brother in my house, on my tv, with my subscription, I'll give only one warning before tossing the person out into the streets!�

Truth is I am in a similar situation with a number of major differences.

Before marriage, I made it clear to my then fiance that I would not want extended family staying with us semi-permanently. She was surprised at that. She had grown up being close with her siblings. She knew I grew up in a large family too. In fact at one time, there were 22 of us living in our 5 bedroom duplex! Uncles and aunts, cousins and nephews, house helps and drivers..... I hated it with a passion. Wifey understood and agreed.

Then her younger brother hit a rough patch. No job, no ideas, nothing. Was trying to go abroad to further his education and just spent his days waiting in depression. I gave him the job to run one of my businesses and said he could spend the work week at my place and go back home for the weekend. All temporary and stuff.

He's been with me over a year now. 7 days a week. I am nearing the end of my rope. But in my case, he is useful. At least I hardly need to look in on that business. He runs it well enough. He was supposed to leave for his schooling in September, but that is no longer feasible. My Lady is just as pissed about it as I am and has let her folks know that he's gotta go. But I like to think I am a reasonable person and we are looking for the best solution for him.

All I can say is that it is necessary to thread softly in family issues. Not because of providence or anything, but because you and your wife (only) need to live without grudge with each other. If both parties do not realise this, if one doesn't realise they are hurting the other, both parties will loose a lot more than "providence".

I see a lot of overeactions on this thread. And hillariously enough, not from the OP. I also read a lot of sacarsm in the OPs comments.

Op made some points that people are ignoring here.

1. Obviously funds are being stressed just on his family. Adding 2 extra adult mouths was an additional burden he wasn't comfortable with. But his wife wanted her siblings to visit, he let them visit

2. The guys were as useful as a fridge in the arctic and just as burdensome. But his wife was happy. He bore the discomfort.

3. They said they will be visiting for 2 weeks. He was prepared to be uncomfortable for 2 weeks. 5 weeks later they want to tack in another 8 weeks. Common! That is a massive amount of presumption on their part.

4. OP then realises his in-laws seem to want to leave the boys with him. You know, the African way of the elder sibling taking over responsibility of younger siblings. In this case, elder sibling and her husband. Me I call this false advertising!

So why should he not have had them leave?

Same airline postponed a 10am flight today to 5pm. Azman is a dead airline.

Modified. Flight just boarding at 9.30pm.

Azman is a dead airline.

And all of them came to pass. Funny that.

Bluezy13:
Hehehe...

That woman must have called him all sorts of names while he was still in Secondary school.

"You this stupid boy!!"
"Go and cut your hair!!"
"Better behave yourself so that you won't become a tout"

I don't know about overseas. But in Lagos Nigeria, www.rosetygardens.com

Or @rosetygardenflowers on Instagram.

Where are they? That's almost the population of Togo.

If you want to make a business out of this, that is a great idea. If you work well at it, you can get a list of clients where you clean once or twice a week.

The lady that does my cleaning charges 2k a day. Spends abiut 2 hours each day, twice a week. I know of about 3 other houses she cleans in my area. That's 6 duties weekly. 12k a week. 48k a month. We provide everything she uses so pretty much no costs for her.

It's a good business. Especially if you have nothing else doing.

mabea:
I dont know where u live but that's the common practise in lagos mainland

I don't get it. You are the 2nd person making that phrase.

Well I stay on the mainland. Agency 10 percent, legal 10 percent. My office, agency 10 percent, legal 10 percent. Every property I have rented or let out has been the same. Agency 10 percent, legal 10 percent.

At worse, they will say agency and legal are calculated for 2 years even though I am renting for 1 year. It has never been arbitrary.

So let me turn the tables around I don't know where you guys live, but in the Lagos I live, agency and legal are 10 percent each and anyone who says different I simply call a scam.

project4OO:
I understand your view but how do you define a non-negotiable and regular practice by all agents and landlords in a locality/community?

You mean in Akute/Ajuwon axis, Agency and Legal fees are arbitrary? Based on the client's power of negotiation? Damn!

project4OO:
If you stand on this ground, you won't get any apartment in Lagos Mainland and other parts of Lagos where rents are below 400k.

She's not being scammed.

The issue is not the rent value. The issue is the other fees attached that do not follow regular practice. Or are you saying agency and legal fees are now arbitrarily set?

If she is being asked to pay more due because she is being charged for more than one year, that is a different thing. But to fix a random price because there are "two agents"? No. That is being scammed.

cheenway:
50k each for agent and agreement
But we told them we'll pay 40k each

You are already being scammed. Agency and Legal is 10 percent each. Where did the 50k (later negotiated) come from?

If at all you want to.stay there, let the Landlady agree to allow you make the reapirs and deduct the cost from your rent. If you give her that money, little or nothimg will be done and you will still have to make the reapirs yourself. This time, you can not ask for it to be deducted because she will claim she has made the reapirs already and whatever was added/done by you is your business.

The light issues, does that include uncleared PHCN bills? That's another red flag. Unpaid bills guarantee that you either end up paying them or you live without PHCN.

Either the Landlady or the agents know or sense you are new at this and they want to clean you out.

No. I wouldn't take this place. I foresee a host of problems while you stay there if you are already being played like this.

I give up. Can someone who understands explain?

Logobenz, you know the craziest thing that can happen right now? Make this babe dey Nairaland. Come read all this story. Ol boy, that will be frigging hillarious!!!