₦airaland Forum

bukatyne:
She discusses with him to understand why he thinks sex is not good for her yet with solid counter facts.

This is not likely to work. Deep seated psychosis (what's the plural? Psycosi? Psycosises?)

Deep seated psycosis(?) like this are usually very irrational. It takes a trained mind to help resolve them. Especially (as is very likely) when the person doesn't believe there is anything wrong. Do you expect the average Nigerian to agree he is mad? That is exactly how they look at it. They wouldn't think it is a psycosis, or a mental blockage, or some fancy American diagnosis. It's gonna be "are you saying I am a mental patient?"

Therapy with a shrink would have been the best. In the absence of that, speaking with an experienced pastor would be the best option. Most pastors in Nigeria double as shrinks these days anyway. Little wonder they are all getting crazy!

bukatyne:
I am not putting you on the spot joor.

@bold: so chivalrous, so sweet.

What do you think about Madonna-LovePeddler complex.

Actually have never heard about it. Strange that.

Because of the kind of person I am, I can understand people who have personality traits that are, for lack of a better word, unusual. These traits come from a large variety of factors - education, upbringing, religion, trauma, television, etcetera etcetera.

Getting a person to change that trait or view is not exactly the easiest thing in the world. It takes time and patience and wierdly enough, can be changed in an instant by great joy or great trauma. The human mind. Go figure.

But I said it once and I'll say it again. Homegirl must have seen these things in the one year of dating. But the chance to become Mrs Wife, the joys of landing an affectionate man must have been too much to resist. She's laid her bed.

Best she can do it to try to adjust the sheets slowly.

bukatyne:
LewsTherin

Madam, why are you putting me on the spot now?

I saw this thread and let it alone. After all, the guy wasn't at sea during the period they were dating. There is no way she didn't know his "old fashioned" tendencies. If she enjoyed his affections enough to marry him, what's the problem at this time?

bukatyne:
Why are you laughing

Isn't it obvious?

bukatyne:
Very funny.

The husband probably feels guilty his denial made her cheat.

And the constant hinting that the husband was also cheating too is very annoying.

Not all men lack self control.

I was wondering what the wife would do if her husband was ill for a year or traveled out.

She couldn't even find a way to break the ice in six months for them to resume sex. From the OP, the husband doesn't seem unreasonable. Sounds like a fair weather wife to me.

Shame on her.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

bukatyne:
It is OK the wife cheats because the husband denied her sex for 6mths.

I hope it us OK for the husband to cheat too when his wife denies his sex for 6mths.

Afterall, it is their bodies.

The husband and wife lack common sense. Imagine cutting off your nose to spite your face.

Since the husband wants to reconcile, let them go back to the drawing board as adults, resolve their issues and stop denying themselves sex or turning outside when A denies B.

It is not their right to deny.

I was just smiling at the responses here. The males calling the man a sissy for wondering what to do to a cheating wife and the females approving of the woman's cheating because she was deprived of sex for 6 months.

Hillarious.

As to the millionaires being made. I would like to know of one. One who made millions from sports betting in Nigeria and has been able to build financial independence for himself.

I'm not saying it cannot happen, but I am yet to see it.

Reduction in crime rate? Where? When? How? The youths are still roaming the streets, still jobless, still being criminal only this time to fund their gambling habits.

Betting companies aggregate monies from their teeming customers. Yes they pay taxes to the government (who squander it by the way) but the aggregated monies are not used productively. The company has huge chunks of cash that they at most invest in financial instruments. The monies don't get into the productive sectors of the economy and so do not benefit Nigeria in the long run.

Now if betting companies invest in mortgage banking or agro allied industries in Nigeria, then I can agree that they are beneficial to Nigeria.

On the micro scale, they simply ruin the lives of people who are already at the poverty line.

No woman loves to nag
Men are just insensitive most times
Pregnant women usually nag

That's some heavy generalisations from someone asking the OP not to generalise

Why?

Besides, what have you been teaching her before that point?

You can try this gift basket of fruits and flowers.

Fhemmmy:
I can tell you of many couples that grew apart . . . . BUT since you are NOT seeing it, i rest my case sir/ma

Of course I am not seeing it. You aren't giving it! I need a case study to fit in with what you just said. Otherwise, it is only your opinion.

I have a friend who was doing quite well a few years back. Then due to a combination of a bad economy and bad decisions things started going bad for him. His wife wasn't working as her pregnacies were quite difficult. I paid their rent for about 3 years. I gave both husband and wife funds to try revive their businesses but they continued making the same bad decisions that helped them crash the first time. I adviced over and over and they would agree I was right and then go back and do the same thing I adviced against. I could see their children suffering from the effects of their bad decisions including one who almost died in the hospital. We had to raise funds for his very expensive treatment.

One day I called him. I told him if I had a friend with a drug addiction asking me for money to fund his habit, giving him that money would make me a bad friend. A very bad friend because I was paying for his death. I told him he had an adiction to his bad decisions and I was no longer going to help him fund it.

It's been 2 years now since. I haven't given my friend a dime except twice when we had to pay for his kid's drugs. He still continues with the same plan that wrecked him. His wife has still refused to work claiming she is still very busy. They are surviving somehow though the kids are not going to school.

It hurts when I see them but I can only pray for them.

It's tough love.

Fhemmmy:
Oh my apologies Sir/ma . . .But what i am saying is that there are so many divorce at the later years of marriages because of the reasons i mentioned

So you are giving a hypothetical situation and do not actually have a case in point.

Fhemmmy:
No it wasn't was just a scenario

Well, that is what I am asking for. I want to understand what happened.

Fhemmmy:
Refer to my last post where i analyzed it

Ok. I thought it was an actual story. A real experience.

Fhemmmy:
While all the mentioned are real and true, but what do you say about couples in their 60s that has all the money you can imagine and power isn't a big deal to either of them because they have power in the office but only see their other half as one that completes them . . . They have had all the enjoyment both in bed and out there by being crazy together BUT yet they still divorce? Meaning there is more to divorce than all aforementioned factors.

No offense intended but I don't understand you. The couple are in their 60s, they are influential, have great sex and "see their other half as one that completes them" and they still divorced? Expand more on the story please.

Thanks SBL28

Hearing sad stories about marriages can be depressing. I'm not saying I have a perfect marriage or that I am perfect or married to a perfect woman. But I always feel bad seeing this wonderful institution called marriage being potrayed in bad light.

Thanks for still believing in it girl. You'll get yours too. No doubt.

I am doing some research on marital issues for a lecture I am to give. So far, I have distilled marital problems into 3 categories and the cause of these issues into 1 singular reason.

Like murder, there are truly only 3 problems that create marital issues.

Sex. Wanting more sex than a partner gives, wanting sex outside a partner, not willing to have sex with a partner, any way it is described.

Money. Not enough money in the union, wanting more money from the partner, unwilling to let go of the individual's money for the union, however it presents itself.

Power. Wanting more power in the union, wanting to express power over the partner, resenting the partner's power over the individual, someone outside the union having power over one or both partners in the union, however it rears its head.

There is only one reason why any of these 3 forms of problems can arise.

Selfishness. Me me me. Only me. All about me. I don't want... I can't take... I don't get.... I must have.... I should be..... and so on. From one or even both partners. Once one or both partners forget or ignore that a marital union is now a case of US and not Me and You, then selfishness or self centeredness will almost definitely be a thing.

Funny, some people remain in their marriage for selfish reasons (where is Great Researcher?) But no marriage has ever been happy with selfishness in one or both partners.

[quote author=UnbiasTruth post=84235978][/quote]Seeing as this thread has been well derailed by those bashing men and those bashing those bashing men, I'll modify my post.


Your husband has just lost the most important thing to any man - self worth. He is depressed, he is frustrated, he is lost. He may come out of it tomorrow, he may never recover. You can take the easy way out like many so-called feminists will say and kick his behind to the curb...

...or you can honour your vows of "for better or worse till death do us part" (I am assuming you said those words).

If you choose this route, my advice (which may not work by the way) is
1. Pray for him. Constantly. That he find his way back.
2. Keep the house going to the best of your ability. It is difficult, I know. But it is possible.
3.Talk to him like there is nothing different. Ask his opinion on anything and everything. Leas him into discussions that will make him say "if it was me, I will do such and such" or "the best option would have been to do this and that". Something that will help him begin to think again, to plan again. It may help him out of his hole.
4. Keep trying to get his mother/father, closest friend, pastor he trusts to talk to him. But do not under any circumstances involve any other people that it can be said "you went to spread my news round the world". And very definitely no one from your family.

I actually have first hand experience of this so I have an idea how he feels. God help you.

Mehn see bashing! Nairaland art vexed!!

Nairaland. You guys never fail to entertain

SensualMan1:
She pressured her husband to stay off NL for the mean time for her to clear the mess.

Authoritatively speaking too, UyaiIncomparabl is pregnant too.

UyaiIncomparabl:
Lol. Una bye bye.

Dude! You know his new contract prevents him from discussing his affairs here. And you go spill the beans that home boy spoke to you and told you missy had a bun in the oven. She just logged out to go tan his hide! Why you do that kind thing na?

This isn't even a mole hill. This is making a mountain from a frigging grain of sand!

My mother in-law was divorced from her polygamous husband. That count as a broken home?

There was no negative effect of that in our relationship and has been none in our marriage.

No matter what situation a person grew up in, one can and should always learn to remove negative baggage from one's life.

Is it romance and fun all the way in marriage?

It can be. Marriage is what the couple make of it. A wonderful romance and fun filled marriage takes a lot of work. I mean A LOT of work.

But it is the kind of work a football team does when thrashing the opposite side 9-0 in a match. The players run, they sweat, they expend energy, but they love every single minute of it because they are having fun, they are achieving their dreams. Ask Leicester City.

Same thing with marriage. When both put in the hard work needed, they enjoy a romantic and fun filled marriage all the way.

As for Telemundo and all them soaps and stuff, that sh@t just dulls the brain. Same with the thrash that Nollywood churns out.

I would have felt better about your services if your website had actual pictures of your services. Not stock internet photos.

Richy4:
The number 2 is too oyiboish.. Please double check if you weren't mistaken or talking about movies.. Congratulations by the way

It's a woman thing. Especially a good woman who loves you. Those small things matter. When you note her new nail polish. When she gets ready for a usual day and you compliment her. When you compliment her cooking. In fact, complementing her on any and everything.

The best part? It doesn't cost you a dime.

Why would a daughter-in-law hate her mother-in-law? Except she is selfish, bad mannered or maybe outright EVIL!!!

No matter how bad or wicked a mother-in-law is, a good woman can be exasperated, frustrated, disappointed, sad and can even dislike but would never hate.

Afterall, you married her son.

I haven't abandoned my responsibilities. Neither have the men in my circle of friends and acquaintances. How then did you come about "most" men?

There is a saying that goes "show me your friends and I will tell you who you are". If your man or the men around you have abandoned their responsibilities, you need to check on yourself.

If not, why the false generalisation?

I think the husband is the only one that can maintain a good relationship between his wife and mother.

But whatever the case may be, your wife is your wife. Your mother is your mother. Who also has (or had) her own husband.

And any wife who wants to be an Ore is on her own.

Story is as false as the new Nigeria Airways


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