₦airaland Forum

Never been able to understand how I could be married to someone and both our resources are not used for US.

Can't fathom that

bukatyne:
I am picturing your princess as a little girl with the red hair in the OP.

Lol!

lilfreezy:
But seriously, I don't think they need a university degree, I think they shoud invest more on skill acquisition while they are doing their time. Once they are out, they could set up a workshop. I myself won't even employ an excon. Even in America that tag will render you jobless. Skill acquisition is the way to go.

Note: for those quoting me, we live in a discriminatry world. No one cares whether or not you've been Convicted, once the system has you,
you've been tagged for life. In job application forms or interviews, they don't ask if you've been Convicted, they ask IF YOU'VE BEEN EVER CHARGED WITH A CRIME. They don't wanna hear your explanations, all they wanna know is if you've been charged. You are not close to someone who has been through the system so you won't understand.

True.

But fortunately for this particular case, he was discharged and aquited and so it should not inpunge on his record.

Edit
I didn't see the "charged" part. Now, that sucks big time.

When it comes to security, all laws take a back seat.

Many said that through history. Few. Blessed few ever meant well. None ever not abused it

I have never commented on things like this on Nairaland but this one, I just have to.

You, sir, are what is known as a maga.

And I don't mean the type Trump wears. I mean the type wey dey pay.

BRATISLAVA:
so funny people forgot to laugh at it.

Awww. So sorry.

Tell that to those who liked the comment.

BRATISLAVA:
but you said that everyone should be financially responsible for themselves. So why support mediocrity? Oh a man is involved

Whooosh!

Sound of the joke going over your head.

Adebowale89:
I'm surprise you include condom as family planning method. I thought family planning should involve medical practitioners but using condom need no one counselling or enlightenment, even layman knows that

And that's what makes it the most effective family planning method. It is cheap, easy to use, requires little instruction and has absolutely no side effects.

Family planning is a process. You use methods to achieve that objective. As long as condoms are used to control the period of pregnancy, it is a family planning method. Same with abstinence. Same with calculating safe days. They are all methods of family planning.

Adebowale89:
self control, prevention to avoid awful circumstances. that's what he's trying to say



not all couples do family planning

Please understand this. Family planning is the method or methods used to space and control the number of children a couple have. It is not the IUD or injection or tablet. Those are part of family planning methods.

Using condoms, or calculating safe periods are also valid family planning methods.

shaggiman:
Tell me more about this phone plssssssssss

It's not the phone that's for sale oh

It's the case.

But the phone is AWESOME!

I bought this lovely S10plus wallet case from Amazon for my wife. Only that I forgot my wife uses an S10

Got it for N15,000. Location Lagos.

For sale. Make me an offer.

Guys are trying to collect what girls have been collecting for eons. It's all gender equality na.




/s

sassysure:
They hardly think of alternatives. For each family that I have met who has an ss child, I don't see love anymore but blame and blame. Eucharia Anùnobi's husband couldn't handle their child's condition and left the marriage. The boy died not long ago. Her only child.

A Nigerian woman might like to go for adoption but how many healthy Nigerian men will want to do that?
Let's say he will agree to that. What about his family? Will they let her rest?
The man will start sowing his seed outside and that is how children will start popping out from all corners. The wife may end up outside with the adopted kids while the kids he eventually had with an aa lady will take over with their mum and his family will endorse 100%. And this will be the end of love
Are u not a Nigerian

Personally, I never choose to believe that "the other person" in a relationship is going to throw me under the bus one day. If I'm going to marry someone, I should have a good enough idea as to the person's personality, and what the person is capable of.

My uncle has adopted 3 kids so far. We his family are not breathing down his wife's neck. They are a happy comfortable family. And we are all Nigerian. Heck my Uncle to all intents and purposes lives in the "village". No one is bothering him.

So that generalisation is inacurate.

Respect to those this affects directly. But like I said in some other thread, there really is no reason to abandon such love. As long as we can get it into our heads that an adopted child is as much our child as one we concieve and give birth to, there really is no reason to abandon worthy love.

Have you thought about adoption? Have you both discussed it?

Chill2:
Forget societal pressure nonsense, have a kid only when you can afford to raise one. No one will take up your responsibilities because you are following African norms. I have been married for more than a year, we not not ready for a baby yet. No one has the right to pressure you into raising kids. Let's stop all this African mindset that has taking us backwards.

I tire.

A fellow I know was berating me for wanting to have only 2 children. He said the African way is to have at least 4. He has 3 and is going to try for one more. Homeboy is seriously struggling in business. Hasn't been able to pay his rent for 4 years. Could barely pay for his Wife's last delivery.

This is basically what I told him.

How many of us in Africa have farms? The "traditional African" thing was when we had large farms and needed as many hands as possible to man these farms. Or herds. Even the white man did the same thing. But once the industrial revolution came and they left the farms for industrialised towns and cities, the need for many children was dumped for as few as possible making it easier to care for them.

While we "Africans" have left our farms for industrialised cities and towns, we are still trying to maintain the need to have many children in the name of tradition. For what? What benefit? When many people can barely take care of one.

THUNDER4real:
Funny question with joking answers.

Let's analyze:

If you say you will wait for 3 months to 1 year, does it mean no sex or your wife will be on family planning?

We humans are not God, if your wife is not on family planning( which is not 100% certified excluding Abstinence), you will wake up one day with pregnancy

Furthermore, I still see no reason, a newly wedded couple will start their lives with Family planning programs.?

There are some family planning programs that has adverse effect that can be detrimental to the woman.

God giveth and God taketh, Don't act too wise, so you won't be a candidate of looking for fruit of the womb.

Not trying to start an argument here but this is your opinion. And as James Blunt once said, opinions are like a*seholes. Every body has one.

Here's mine.

First, family planning is the act of planning the number of and the spacing between said children. There are many methods of family planning. The easiest and most convinient are called condoms.

Yes, many families start with a plan for the number of and spacing between the children. A family that want to have children immediately and want to have 4 on the bounce, that's their family plan. It is family planning.

Except you have problems with condoms, that's a viable method of family planning. And not everyone has problems with them. So those that don't can use that method.

God gives and takes away according to Job. But God gives us the free will to make a choice. And as long as that choice is not in opposition to Him or His plans, we are good to go. And even if they are not, Moses proved we can get Him to change His mind.

Octobertwentysix:
Exactly they are the nerds in school, my husband is exactly like you, focused, principled and boring and am also like that I usually see him at the library and that was what attracted me to him, we were friends for a year and dated for four years and married for eight years now.

Awesome. Congratulations

cococandy:
Lmao. Why didn’t she relocate herself to yankee

Yankee witches are anti-immigrant!

Amarisa:
@bolded....In Africa,once its 9 months,everybody Don de shine eye put for your body...

The guy thought we were having issues. Before I knew anything he called down the power of God like something serious. After prayer I went "boss, na plan oh. No be mistake"
We were gunning for 5 years so as to settle down as we just moved in and work was tough!

BroAchival:
Greetings to this great house,

As I type this .....

Matured and very serious advice needed.

Thanks.

Actually not as big a problem as you think. Are you willing to go through life without having kids? Is she willing? Then simply adopt one or three. You keep your lady love and you have safe kids at the same time.

My uncle had difficulties getting kids. After a number of years, guy couldn't waste anyone's time. They've adopted 3 kids so far and they are all doing wonderfully well.

SenecaTheYonger:
Sounds like you have a fantastic marriage.

Oh God has been faithful. It's been lovely. Can't wait for the little minions to grow old enough that I can ship them off to some boarding school or other!

Just kidding.

But I am seriously considering it though

taiwoawoniyi:
Many people who are commenting aren't being objective.

Ask any married person and they will tell you that adjusting to married life takes some effort. Marriage isn't something that happened in a day. You have to gradually adjust to the quirks and peculiarities of your spouse.

Before having babies, you both should be in tango emotionally. Having a baby tends to share the affection from two into three.

Also, finances MUST be considered. You must understand the financial implications of having a child. If you don't have a child yet, you and your spouse can still "manage" yourselves . You can't "manage" a baby/parenthood.

What if your wife has to undergo Cesarian operation? That's about #150k for childbirth alone. We've not discussed ante-natal, baby clothes (which must be changed maybe every month or two), baby food, baby diaper, school fees when the time comes, and the overall responsibility of training a child properly.

Don't go into something you're not prepared for.
A friend decided with her husband to wait for three years...yes, three years before she got pregnant and they have a beautiful baby now. TheyreT doing very fine.

If you're not thoroughly prepared, enjoy your spouse for now.

Modified: I just heard toys are very expensive too.

Think and plan well before plunging into the decision to give birth early .You see people who are pressuring you - mothers, friends, general talkatives - they won't be around when you're thinking of how to pay school fees.

Now imagine if you give birth to TWINS! Those things I wrote, multiply them conveniently by TWO. You'll understand that responsibility isn't for children.

TRIPLETS nko? I cannot even begin to can .God works in wonderful ways!

Thank you very much. By the way, that 150k is too small in many places. 300k even in a government general hospital. Let's not forget the school fees when they start coming. My kid was to start nursery school. When they showed me the bill, my whole day just spoilt. And only 2 children at that oh.

Why rush? Take time and prepare. Life is bloody expensive with children. Only poo poo is N50 each for diapers! 3 to 5 poo poos a day. Do the maths.

I will always advice to wait at least a year before tryimg for kids. Not so as to "sexually enjoy each other " but so as to get to know each other. No family, no extras, no one but you both. Then you know who the other person really is.

We waited 3 years before one pastor prayed one kind prayer like that wey no be im business.

I miss those early days.

We could just get up and go on a night out. Go to the movies. Dinner. Go to a concert. Take a weekend off just like that. We could go visit friends whenever we wanted and if the traffic got too bad, we go to a hotel somewhere for the night.

And yes the sex. Palour, kitchen, bathroom, any room.

I miss those days. Now everything is "where are the kids?" "Where do we keep the kids?" "The kids can't go there" "We have to hurry to pick up the kids" and of course "not so loud. You'll wake the kids up!!!"

I miss those early days.

Methinks you mean having the kids manually wash their clothes instead of using a washing machine. Even if just some of the time.

Flip side to that will be you trekking to work instead of using a vehicle. After all, manual labour builds character, right?

My daughter is 5 years old. She helps load the machine, she helps bring them out and hangs them to dry. She has been taught the importance of being clean and keeping her clothes clean. That is character.

abdrazak:
She is only doing it in small quantities like 2 congo in a day.

Congo. Lol. Been a while since I heard that unit of measure.

That she does only 2 congo a day and still managed to raise you and your sibling(s?) Shows she's great at what she does. Now it's up to you to take it to the next level.

She knows the best groundnuts, so by more at her direction. You can get someone that will do the frying at her direction. You put some effort in marketing. Maybe invest in better packaging. Doesn't have to be fancy. Can just be better bottles of the same type and make like 100 stickers with any printer. Slap it on the bottles and you have the beginnings of a brand. You can try supplying aboki koisks or minimarts around, walk into banks and other bluechip businesses and sell bottles to staff....stuff like that.

Make your mum proud dude! Proud of herself, proud of you.

Can she hire someone to do the frying while she does the selling? You can invest some of that money into upgrading her set up to attract more buyers. You can get her more input materials to increase her output, benefit from economies of scale and increase her profit. She trained you, use that to upgrade her business.

johndan103:
This is my life, so it's true.

My dad believes her judgement and basically supports her decisions.

I'm not weak. No one wants to keep fighting against someone who can rally the whole family against you and make you isolated. You want to be on her good side but I don't care anymore about her opinion on this matter.

Also note that she has made some right judgments in the past.

When I marry Hauwa we will stay far from her and keep our distance to avoid interference. When I'm married there's no room for external manipulation that's why she's fighting it now.

I am man enough because I have made firm choices that keep making life better for me. Hauwa who by all standards will be considered a very wealthy young lady can see how much of a man I am such that she is even Willing to pitch her tent as a life partner.

Good for you.

Hope you can keep to this.

But....... Oh well.

If this is true, I have to ask. Where is your dad?

If this is true, then
Your mum is a manipulative selfish woman
You are a weak-assed punk

If you go ahead to marry this girl against your mother's wish, I give it a maximum of 6 months before you cave in to your mother's blackmail and make the poor girl's life a living hell.

Are you man enough?

If you do anything less than telling him what you really want to do, giving him enough time to rearrange his own plans which he is already basing on you, then you'll be ungrateful to him.

It's hard to tell him because of what he has done for you but you better tell him. With enough time before you leave.

I am married and all I can see on this thread is someone who most definitely is not really looking for advice. More like someone who wants to troll nairaland.

Congratulations dude.



But guy, you black oh!

Na joke I dey joke! No vex oh!

I was advising a young friend last week on finamcial discipline. During the discussion he shocked me by saying girls expect to be placed on an allowance when dating.

I mean what the heck! Dating! Not courting, not married, UNILAG dating!! And she is expecting to be on a monthly allowance? From a boyfriend that is also a student like her? Recieving stipends from his parents too?

If this is what this generation believes then we are in deep horse manure.