OTayobami:

*Modified*
Wait! What if you discovered something wrong with this one later, what would you do? Travel to another base, to get another girl, to start another life again?

lol very confused being. He had issues with his wife, he ran away to start another relationship. He had issues with the new woman, he ran away again, back to his wife. However, his papers conscience got the better of him, now he wants to do the right by his new family.

1StopRudeness:


While traveling abroad, if u didn’t disclose while filling the form online that u are married...u are free to do whateva u want... if u said u are married and have a child...
I think it’s best u have documentary evidence of divorce before u go and initiate marriage proceedings with a citizen of that country

I don’t know of other countries..the Uk home office can possibly bounce ur marriage on such grounds even though ur marriage was registered under another jurisdiction...

OP, this except the bolded. Most countries where polygamy is illegal accept marriages from another country as valid, so your second marriage to this woman will become invalid if there is proof you have contracted marriage to another.

If you want to get married again, you would’ve to legally divorce your first wife. It seems you like running away from issues rather than deal with them. Please do the right thing and give your wife closure.

1StopRudeness:


He said he found out the wife had a child with her ex after their marriage.....that huge ooooo..

As regards starting a new life with the abroad wife...:that a Nigerian way of saying he wants to get citizenship...

He knew about her first child before they got married. New issues cropped up during their marriage.

I don’t know what I did or typed, rarely use curse words, maybe the dude I was having a back and forth with is a mod. It’s very nice that you’ve made progress on your book, can’t wait to read it.

Magnoliaa:


A ban? haha! How come?
What did you do? I've never been to 'that prison,' but I look forward to it. I want to see what'll make me get served a ban.

I'm good. I've completed the first draft. I'm so happy about it - all's left is to start the editing now. Getting beta-readers, posting online and all that. I hope to finish everything next year. But I'll be posting the unedited version on here in the meantime.

Plead:


Women who don’t have a tangible source of income shouldn’t be getting married! They won’t hear ... let them continue rushing into marriage without money/job

97% of women who stay in abusive (physical or emotional ) marriages are staying because they lack funds to get their lives all together again if they leave . They depend on their husbands for survival and as such can’t leave irrespective of the treatment being meted to them . Such a shame

Source?

Magnoliaa:



Me? Not at all oh. Lol I'm not into football.

I rarely see your comments, just saying 'hello' and...to ask how you are.

Lol I just finished serving a ban. I am fine, how are you? How is the book coming along?

lol feels like it was a long time ago. Are you watching the U-17 WC?

Magnoliaa:




I was loving YOUR replies to the OP by YOU @liberalchick - lol commenting by yourself

I didn't even have to watch the match. Your updates narrated it.

Then you should have told her this before going ahead with any wedding plans. What you did to her was bait and switch. You gave her the false impression that you would honor her wish of a white wedding night, then you switched it up after the trad. She showed you who she was but you deliberately ignored it because you thought you could manipulate her into renouncing her principles.

This is one of the problems in most marriages, people show us who they are while we are dating but we ignore and think we can change them after the wedding.

igwegeorgiano:
my dear am tempted to ask thus question is church wedding actually in d bible? To the best of my knowledge and I stand to be corrected church wedding is a western ideology its not an African stuff at all

lol I don’t think you’re ready to get married. The girl has told you the reason but you refuse to believe her, which is on you. What were you expecting to hear? That her mother cheated? Or that the father saw a black pot under his bed, so he kicked her mother out?

She was a toddler when they separated and she can only tell you what the adults in her life told her. If you are going to hold her responsible for something she had no control over, please leave her abeg.

Donald95:


Nice points. My problem is with the girl that refused to speak out and co-operate while being raped into depression. At least one of her uncle or Aunt could even take her up.

The mother kept her just for her to help in cooking the food she hulks around in wheelbarrow.

The father has already written them off because illiterates in our society still blames women when they produce only female children.

What i can do now is to pray for her

...and also report the rapist, so he can be removed from society. If indeed he’s a rapist, they don’t stop at one victim, you have to do all you can to prevent an unsuspecting young woman from being this man’s future victim.

lol my city has already renamed “manhole” all city officials are to refer to it as “maintenance hole” now.

As for the OP it’s good the trans woman has the individual right to report, if it’s a frivolous case (which it is) it will be thrown out. That’s what a liberal and progressive society does, we fight for the individual right of all not some. The photographer also has the right to contest it and the police is there to serve the society.

This is news because it involves a trans woman, straight people also report ridiculous sh!t to the police. The police is open to everybody to report a perceived crime. It’s nothing new, when and if the photographer is arrested and charged, then it deserves outrage.

Modernist:
Feminist: remove the man in Manchester it offends us.

Muslims: Remove the Ham in Nottingham it offends us.

Christians: Remove the Islam in Islamabad it offends us.

Me:Well the world has finally gone mad.

You’re not answering my question. The adoption process is neither cheap nor straightforward. Some husbands refuse to raise an adopted child. We both know that in Nigeria, there are childless marriages. So I will ask again, what happens to the wife in a childless marriage?

Toks2008:


Adoption is the cheapest option. There are orphans every where.

These options are not available to all infertile couples and it is expensive. So what happens to the wife in a childless marriage?

Toks2008:


There are options like getting an egg donor for her husband or she can adopt any orphan

So what happens to an infertile wife?

Toks2008:


Here we go again... if your kids cant give you the 100% happiness then you need to have a rethink.

bukatyne:


According to the therapists, if he doesn't grow out of it, what happens?

Besides, what is the usefulness of the parents if they cannot put the boy on the right part and re-affirm to him that he is a boy?

If he thinks he is a goat tomorrow and starts to eat grass, will his mom look for therapists or insist that he is human?

If he believes that he can not achieve anything, will she get the therapists' opinion or take him through self esteem and self love courses to re-affirm that he can excel in whatever he does?

Why this yeye sexual/ gender politics?

You can't compare Nigerian Tomboyism to this. Which Nigerian parent would flog the madness out of Shade who asks to be called Tunji?

Each continent has their madness.

The same way I wouldn't compare an American calling a child a witch to a Nigerian.

If he doesn’t outgrow it, then as a legal adult he can decide for himself.

As you’ve rightfully said this is America and their culture is light years ahead of ours in terms of the rights of an individual. The jury made a decision based on the laws written and voted in by members of their society.

Don’t mind them. They quickly believed this very false news because it aligns with their bias.

You can be anti-LGBTQ, that’s fine, it’s your right. However, do so with the facts and the truth. We are in perilous times now with fake news and the internet, it was a right wing dude that started this madness on twitter. If you notice reputable mainstream media is not reporting it.

It’s very easy and tempting to believe news that confirms your bias, that’s why we have so many blogs and ‘journalists’ making money from disseminating false or misleading news.

When the case is fully over and if it’s going to be made public will keep updating for the court transcripts. For a conservative leaning court to award full custody to the woman, I am curious to see the evidence that was presented in court.

Mindfulness:


Aaaaah thank you!
I knew immediately it was NL sensationalism at its best.
Only on NL will people believe such fairytales.

bukatyne:


Our tomboys and tomgirls don't change their names or do they consider sex change.

For the Zillionth time NO sex change. How can there even be a sex change when the boy has not gone through puberty? If there will be a sex change it will be when the boy is of age and can decide for himself.

It was a custody battle, the father wanted sole custody because he disagrees with the son dressing up as a girl and calling himself Luna. The mother got therapists for him and based on their professional opinion, they told the mother to affirm. If it’s a phase then he will grow out of it simple.

The court heard from both sides, and they concluded the boy was better off with the parent that wasn’t going to force him to wear boys clothes.

bukatyne:


We all know their birth sex and treat them as such. What concerns doctors or psychologists with their issues?

“Gerogulas’s (the mother) witnesses in the trial were mostly therapists or counselors who said that James told them that he was a girl and wanted to be called “Luna.”

Younger’s witnesses (the father) in the trial, while not having met James, were medical professionals who pointed out the dangers of a “social transition” and the “medical transition” it usually leads to.”

The bolded quote was what right wing media purposely used to create this false news. The jury didn’t buy that allowing a boy to live out a phase will make him get a sex change in future. Which based on the posts on this thread seems to be a good decision. Many of you on this thread have referenced tomboys, so we do know that just because you dress as a boy when you were a young girl doesn’t mean you would want a sex change when you become an adult.

FALSE

The court’s verdict is NOT about whether the boy should transition or not it was for child custody.

The father took the mother to court for full custody, his defense, that the mother is manipulating the boy into dressing up as a girl and that if the mother has full custody she can potentially manipulate him into getting it done medically when he is of age. Apparently the courts didn’t believe him and they awarded full custody to the mother.

Each had their own doctors/professional witnesses, the court also heard from neighbors and teachers. Ultimately, the court decided the boy is going through a phase and he is not being manipulated and they decided to award custody to the parent that is not going to suppress that phase.

The fake news going round is the defense that the father presented in court and the court found them baseless. You have to know for custody hearings both sides present outlandish claims to get custody. It is the duty of the court to separate facts from fiction.

I can’t believe I am going to quote dailymail but here you go: mainstream media is not even carrying this non news.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7604687/Jury-rules-against-dad-trying-stop-son-transitioning-girl.html

virgoquin:
https://www.lifesitenews.com/news/41k-outraged-protectjamesyounger-tweets-after-jury-rules-dad-cant-save-son-from-transition

Go through this link and you will see that the mother wants a physical gender change for the boy but the father is fighting against it.

Yes the court allowed that he should transitioned into a girl medically, that is why there's so much outrage from different quaters

virgoquin:
Hello

Like the topic implied, sometimes I think that too much of everything is bad even too much of good things when it comes in surplus for us we humans tend to missue and abuse it.

One of such is freedom.. sometimes when we humans are being given freedom without limitation we usually turn into nuisance especially one which you didn't fight for but was given to you on a platter of gold.

That brings me to the topic... There's a raging debate going on right now about a father in Texas who lost the right to prevent his seven years old son from being transformed into a girl. The judge ruled in favor of the mother for the boy to be castrated chemically.

This is not fair at all to the little boy because he is just seven, what does he know about gender changing. That is what the cartoon he has been watching FROZEN projected on him and he followed it hook line and sinker . At least when we were growing up there was some of our agemates who were acting tomboyish but as they got older they transformed into beautiful feminine women

Lalasticlala

This is a misleading post.

The “transition” is social transitioning, no courts will grant any parent any right to medically transition a minor. The bolded is what the mother went to fight for in court. The boy is in a girly phase and the father wanted to suppress it, just as our “agemates” were allowed to phase out their tomboy period this mother wants her son to be able to do the same.

Sad

PrimadonnaO:


End of story!
They just adopted that boy to bid time. What a shame!

daddytime:
The word "communication" in relationships in my personal opinion has become so clichè, how about throwing comprehension into the mix. This is so because however much you communicate with comprehension lacking, you'd at best be as good as communicating to a wall.

Well, without comprehension, communication can not occur. If the receiver doesn’t understand, then there’s no communication.

If you can’t treat your adopted child as you would your bio child then you’ve no business adopting a child.

I am sorry I know you mean well but depression doesn’t make you a violent person. I have worked with depressed people and I have been depressed myself and depressed people don’t maim children. She is a violent person simple. In fact when you’re depressed you withdraw not attack.

Op, when violence enters a marriage/relationship then a line has been crossed and it’s no longer healthy. Honestly, I am not optimistic about the future of that marriage. You should try a marriage counselor but I am sorry I am not hopeful, people rarely change. I agree with pocohantas observe how your girlfriend/boyfriend act around people that she/he isn’t going to gain anything from/or trying to impress that’s her/his true character.

olabrinks:
I honestly think your wife is suffering from serious depression, she’s not happy deep down inside and they’re some internal issues bothering her. She’s taking it out on you and everyone around her. The problem started once children came into the picture, she’s probably feeling the same regret you are feeling. This is not the time to divorce, this is the time for communication. This is the time for patience. This is the time for understanding. This is the time for wisdom. You are the man of the house, you need to take control of your territory.

If it means her getting help for depression, taking medication such as anti depressants let her do it. If it means going for therapy/counselling, then do it. If it means involving a third party who can transfer wisdom to you, then do it. If it means sitting down and communicating one on one thoroughly then do it. This is not the time to run away from your problems, you will find more problems leaving your wife and children in the long run. Once you cure the root of your problem, you will live peacefully.

Michellekabod2:

What people do with their bodies is no one business. Giving pleasure to yourself via intimacy gadgets (intimacy gadgets),masturbation or having sex (oral,anal,orgy) within the confines of the law is not wrong. People who for personal reasons like religion choose to refrain from pre marital sex have done no wrong either. I don't blame guys for wanting virgins but feeling they are entitled to virgins and slut shaming them is wrong.
No lady owes her husband explanation if she isn't a virgin,her explanation is a privilege not right.

Virginity is not used to instill morality in the society but used as a way of making ladies "objects" or products to be launched by a man . It is to feed men's ego ,and make them fill proud for being the first person to launch a new "product".
If the objectives of promoting virginity was for morality, then males virginity will be as Paramount as ladies virginity,infact they will be more emphasis on male virginity than female virginity since the males are more invested in sex than females.

The bolded is on the mark! What a brilliant way to put it.

lol bless your heart for thinking they are somehow different from the male monikers. They don’t do anything because they see nothing wrong in such behavior.

Michellekabod2:
that's it ,the example I stated was not just education but university education....

Anyway that aside,as you said we can't be debating feminism when a lady is shamed for her looks.. .

As regards to the bullying on this section,this is worrisome to me,I have tried calling guys to order and they talk of freedom of speech and that if we don't like here,we should exist the forum...the internet ain't safe for ladies anymore...about a week ago they slut shammed a gal that she deactivated her account...
How active are the moderators here?

Michellekabod2:

I don't see the need for the last paragraph because we agree on that.

Like seriously I had a good laugh when reading your first paragraph, is being sponsored to the university by your parent a right or privilege?lol.. my chest.
I do personally believe we have more things in common than our differences,we should utilise what we have in common than our differences....
We ought to unite against the cyber bullying and shaming on ladies on this forum

Too bad you are continents away if not I will really like to discuss what we share in common over coffee...

Let's agree to disagree, have your day as intended sis

You see why I say you like to state what I didn’t say? In most civilized societies a child has a right to education and it’s actually punishable. A child doesn’t attend a university. Obviously as an adult your parent don’t owe you sh!t.

Michellekabod2:


you don't need to, save the explanation for yourself. A choice is a choice! Whoever have options,have choice as long off course it doesn't trample on others. An employer in a private company has the right to chose to make pay for a male worker higher,it's based on contract,...when ladies are at the losing end you define choices different from the way you will define choices when they are at the gaining end. If I chose to pay my workers 100k and for reasons known to me I make male 110k,you will not agree it's a good choice but if I choose to give only ladies two hours off their duty per week, you will applaud my choice!

It’s either you’ve not been paying attention or you’re being ignorant on purpose. I am actually a one trick pony on this forum when it comes to feminism lol my main issue has always been protecting the individual choice, I talk about it all the time. My definition of “choice” has always been the same it hasn’t changed. In a civil society, a “choice” that affects another the ability to choose will never stand. In your examples; a father that refuses to send a girl child to school has obstructed the child’s individual civil liberty; a right to education. The boss has impeded the female’s right to a fair wage. (You can switch the sexes, still applies)

We’ve been on this since June across three threads, I am not doing this with you again, of course you’re free to continue your shade, it’s your right. I just think it’s silly for two women that agree most of the time to be going back and forth about a nuanced view on feminism, on a thread that another woman is being attacked for her looks.

What two grown consenting adults decide and chose on how they handle finances in their relationship, doesn’t affect me or you.

Michellekabod2:

Still on your case?I made reference to my discussion with you because he asked a question. That's all..

Yea that’s why you created a whole thread to call me out, when I didn’t respond, you quoted a comment I made since June. I responded, and we both agreed to disagree. On the same thread you made another dig, I called you out. Anytime feminism is mentioned you reference our discussion and twist what I said.

Michellekabod2:

It's obvious you don't still get my point of financial dependency. My point is you can't be a feminist and hold on to the stereotype that all men must be financially responsible for ladies

Example of you twisting what I said; please quote here where I made that statement. So saying people should do what they want to do in their personal lives without shame is holding on to a stereotype?!! Where did I say men are to be financially responsible for ladies?

Michellekabod2:


If a man chooses to send his male kid to university only and not his female kid,will you "respect" his "choice" or cry foul?
If a private company chooses to pay a male more than a female for the same job for whatever reasons he chooses,will you respect the employer's "choice" or cry foul? you call stereotype choices.....

Jeez, I didn’t think I had to explain what a personal choice is, a choice you make that only affects you. Obviously in your examples each of those choices affects/limits/obstructs another individual’s liberty.

I never said stereotype and choice was synonymous. I have said this ad nauseum, and I hope this time around you finally get it and stop twisting my words. No gender should have a pre-defined role of the responsibility of footing bills, so men and women should not be shamed if/when they decide on which financial role they take in a relationship. E.G a man should not be shamed if he is financially dependent in a relationship.

Michellekabod2:

Please spare me the harassing" or "throwing shade" because I made reference to a thread when asked a question...

I will when you stop harassing me for a comment I made since June!

lol Michelle, really?!!

You’re still on my case? lol babe you need to fvcking move on, not everyone will agree with you. I believe that with every civil liberty we fight for, people should decide what they want to do with their free will to choose without shame and recrimination. Some men don’t like financially independent women, let them choose; some men like financially independent women, let them choose.

There are lots of problematic sexist men and women here on this forum, yet you continue to throw shade and harass me because we disagree 5% of the time.

Michellekabod2:

https://www.nairaland.com/5246156/idea-feminism.

And also this:
https://www.nairaland.com/5246156/idea-feminism#79356983

Yes this will be true if Nigerian marriages are based on the individual, we know this is not true. A Nigerian wife marries the husband, the family and all the culture that come with his tribe. How successful are Nigerian men at protecting their wives from the aforementioned?

Only some are brave enough to go against the grain. I have also seen men of varying tribes treat their wives good or bad.

Fashdeejay:
I would say this as a man, how a man treats a woman is never by tribe, you have igbo men that treat their women like goddesses and we have others who treat their women worse than slaves, we have yoruba men who worship d ground their wives walk on, and others who wouldn't bath an eyelid if their wives get hit by a car... we have hausa men who love their wives so much, while some will sell their wives to pay the dowry for a new wife... it is not by tribe, how you are brought up and how u have chosen to train your self is what really determines how u treat the woman who gives you joy... also remembering that it is a two way street, in certain circumstances, certain actions cause unexpected reactions...

It’s not a myth. There are some cultures that treat women better than others. The question was “which tribe treats a wife better?”

lol @ bolded.

stinflame:
Which tribe treats a wife better is just a myth..

A man who knows his priority will definitely treat his wife well. It all boils down to love and self discipline.
I have seen a Yoruba man treating his wife well, also seen an Urobo man do same. Have seen an idoma man do same, seen an igbo man do same. Have seen practically all tribe do same, since I travel alot.
And trust me I have seen some who treats their women badly.. From stats igbo have the highest most especially if she isn't from his tribe.

Have you ever wondered why Hausa women arent allowed to work or trade unlike their counterparts.It's the sole responsibilty of the husband to provide all her needs.If that isnt the highest form of caring what next?

Yup

Magnoliaa:


...because you're liberal.