Even if you reach your last bus stop, you are still not immune. Most marriages/long term relationships will experience The seven-year itch, when it happens, you either divorce/separate or adapt. Scary stuff.

OP, nice post.

Fountainofyouth:


You are very right, relationship, love situationship or whatever it's called these days is just an unending circle, like repeating same thing with different people until you reach the last bus stop lol, we can only pray and wish the circle won't be very wide at the end.

Ok. No worries, you can find lots of resources on the internet. You can also join a support online forum. I will look for some and post here later.

Watercarrier:

Unfortunately I can't afford the services of a therapist right now plus I'm not in Lagos currently coupled with the plethora of activities I have going on right now (final year), it's just saddening. Last time I saw counselors, they couldn't do anything to help me in sorting myself out, had to read motivational books to tackle it though I wasn't feeling like this at that time. I put smiles on people's faces but I can't do anything.
Was in class this morning and my attention was not there, I was just lost and I was just eager to leave the lectures.

Oh ok, I see your point but I disagree. As a father he needed to fight for justice for his daughter. It’s also not about him and his economic situation, he wasn’t the victim. It doesn’t matter wether he gains anything or not. Why should the father even be entitled to gain anything? Why should he be thinking of economic expediency? Is it now okay for fathers to profit off their daughters’ rape? No one was thinking of the victim, no one fought for that girl, not even her father.

obailala:
I was referring to the act of the father by accepting the settlement; you cant blame him for being foolish if you dont really know his economic condition. I believe he did what he had to do purely for economic expediency, he would personally gain nothing if the rapist was sent to jail and nothing paid to him.

It is now left to the concerned authorities to take up the case and rid society of people like the rapist.

How many exes do you have?

Sending a criminal to jail is not just about punishment. It gives justice to the victim and pays a debt owed to society.

So, the 14 year old didn’t get justice and the rapist is free to roam the streets to rape another unsuspecting victim. Society has failed his next victim.

obailala:
Would sending the rapist to jail reverse the damage already done to the little girl?.... Will sending the rapist to jail pay for medical bills or feed the poor father who already looks likes he's struggling to feed his family?... Besides whatever satisfaction a person may get from seeing their adversaries punished, how exactly does the culprit going to jail help that father whom you just called foolish?... Poverty is the problem here, not foolishness.

Except there was a way he (father) could obtain the settlement cash and still send the rapist to jail, there is absolutely nothing foolish about what the father did; hunger isnt foolishness and Oga simply didnt want to lose on all grounds. My only problem however is that they should have demanded much more than that amount.

Wow and we’re still waiting to see what would happen to Christian Coleman.

The aim of marriage is NOT to produce kids. Speak for yourself, “MY aim of marriage is to produce kids”.

GreatResearcher:


If the date wasn't fixed or closed it would have been a different ball game. Can't end up with a womb less lady when the aim of the marriage is to produce kid

Yes they would because most Nigerians think there has to be a major event to cause your depression. Where are you located? Do you have access to therapists? If you are in Lagos I have one or two I can recommend. You can send me a message if you need help. You are already on the right track, knowing you need help and seeking one on a forum is good.

Watercarrier:

You know, if I ever told anybody that I'm having such a plight, they'd probably think I'm joking so I just forget that option. Some persons would probably not understand the underlying issue but I say there's a problem and it's there.

And that time is not even near her PB. She is in great form this season but the 100mH this season is very very competitive, it would be a great feat for her to medal in Doha.

OP, it’s normal to second guess yourself after a major decision. No matter how bad a marriage is, divorce or separation, while liberating in some situations is a very hard choice to make.

Based on what you wrote, you didn’t make a mistake. Domestic violence isn’t something you want to endure in a marriage, or you want to expose your children to. The human psyche is amazing, we are able to dull our traumatic experiences so we can heal. You have been away for four months, your experiences are beginning to dull, you are yearning for something that isn’t there. If you go back, within a month you will remember why you left in the first place.

Your husband has already checked out of the marriage, it’s time you do the same. It’s going to be very hard, but you have to try for yourself and your children. Going back when he hasn’t shown any remorse will be a disaster, nothing would have changed and you would have deleted any incentives for him to change.

So what kind of quality of life is that? Your home is supposed to be your sanctuary and your safe space. How can you be in your house and you can’t talk? You risk hot slap if you open your mouth, is that one life?

Couples quarrel every time, a marriage is broken if you can’t have healthy arguments without the fear of being physically battered.

Mekenz:
are you trying to tell me that, the woman will be on her own and the man will just come and start beating her for no just reason? is it not from series of quarrels and arguments that results in fighting? why can't she try as much as she could to avoid that kind of situation, at least for the sake of her children, she knows her husband better, maybe he is a wife beater. in that case she should avoid any serious quarrels and arguments with her husband. imaging a situation where the husband throws an insulting word's at her, and she replied.... God bless you..... at least for peace to reign.


n.b it take's two to quarrel and vice vasa.

lol at “uppercut” maybe the guy wore shorts. Eww

AwkaetitiBabe:
How? The guy left the eggplant hanging outside the zip while dancing? Cos I really don't get it


If na me, I for give d guy uppercut and groin kick.

Op, you need to see a mental health professional, you are showing signs of depression. There are no major external stressors that should cause you this much sadness yet you are not happy with your life. Most people with your life would be happy and content but for some reason, you are unhappy and unfulfilled. It’s your brain, the hormones responsible for your emotions are getting their signals crossed. You need to see a professional that would help you. Do not think you are weird, strange or ungrateful, it’s more common than you think and you will be fine.

This is the real depression not the ones Nigerians conflate with sadness. A mental illness where even though your life is good, your brain/hormones tell you otherwise. You don’t need to have an ‘issue’ in your life to be depressed.

calgaryFriend:
Guy you are just dancing around, what is the issue. You have to learn to be able to communicate with people and not your self, we are not in your damn head. And by the way I was in your shoes a couple years ago.

Haha I remember growing up watching the failing super eagles and naive me used to wonder why our witches can’t help us win a World Cup.

Magnoliaa:


I really wonder why people only use this juju thing in petty and small stuffs Why??
And why only in bad, evil things?? Why not use it for things like protection against death, or aging, or improvement in the society??

Guest007:


Now this is where I need advice my people….his wife called me this afternoon and was pleading with me to please let her hubby be…that their marriage is still very young and I shouldn’t let him know she called me. And I explained to her that I don’t have anything with her hubby, that its just plain, no hidden agenda, no intimacy whatsoever

She now pleaded with me to help her talk to him because I wanted to block him and warn him never to call,message nor chat me again but she said I shouldn’t do that because he would know she has contacted me

lol did you actually go to the website?

Tourists =\= Foreigners, typing otherwise will NOT make it true. That’s how facts work. Next time before you argue with someone’s post, take the time to actually read and comprehend, fact check your opinions, then post a rejoinder. Do not be in a haste to be emotional or confirm your biases and start going on a tangent that has absolutely nothing to do with what the poster said. It serves this thread no purpose.

I actually agree with you, this back and forth makes no sense, there is a break in communication, you seem not to understand my posts.

2mch:

When people say Tourists in any tourism location, the target is foreigners. I am tired of this dumb argument. If you don’t know this then you don’t know what you are saying at all. That is why they say tourists and locals. I don’t think the locals complained to you that the beaches are not good enough so they don’t go to the beaches. Again, you started lying about your intentions when I pointed out your intentions. Anyway, arguing with you is pointless. Nothing you can do.

lol where is the backlash? From one ignorant person that doesn’t even know the meaning of the word ‘tourist’? You thought tourist meant foreigners, I only mentioned ‘locals’ when I said “Lagos beaches should be developed first for people that live in Lagos to enjoy before you worry about foreign tourists looking for prostitutes”. My posts are up there on this thread, go back and read them.

2mch:

I didn’t misunderstand you. You didn’t expect a backlash on the dumb idea. No one ever said tourist and meant locals. Except you don’t know the meaning of tourist. You were obviously judging from the amount of people who visit the beach by the pictures.

lol don’t project your lack of comprehension unto me. I posted my comments and it’s your choice to comprehend and respond. It’s not my fault you misunderstood and you went off on some wild tangent about prostitutes and ancestral lands. Lagos beaches still have a lot of work to do to reach its full potential.

Modified: OP, apologies for derailing this thread, I hope people will continue to post beautiful pictures of Lagos beaches.

2mch:

We both know you didn’t mean this. LOL. A lot of Nigerians go to those beaches every weekend! It has been that way for years! I don’t think you live in Nigeria. Do you know how populated Lagos is? A lot of them go to the beach every weekend. If beach owners sell their beaches they can’t even make as much as they make now. When that money they sold it for finish, they will start making life hell for beach goers.

I don’t want to derail this beautiful thread, we are both going in circles and you keep thinking the beaches have to be like Miami before Lagos beaches can be more utilized.

As I said before, Nigerians might be going to the beaches before my ancestors but how many? Most of the beaches are dirty and poorly maintained, for some, the access to get there can be treacherous or the agberos that are posted there. If enough people do not go, how much money can they make from entrance fees? You just want to make this tribal and argue, deep down you know Lagos coastlines have not lived up to its potential.

2mch:

I don’t think you know what you are talking about. How else can beach owners make money if not from entrance fees and vendors? You want them to build hotels on the beach and invite foreigners. Then when they stop you from going to the beach because you look like ashewo coming to disturb the hotel occupants and foreigners you will start crying and protesting. I have traveled to countries that rely on tourism, it’s not as glorious as you make it sound. In fact it’s terrible for the locals. They can’t enjoy their beaches without harassment. Things get so expensive and the local boys and girls have a high rate of prostitution

Nigerians may have been going to the beach before my ancestors existed, doesn’t meant it isn’t still underutilized. Indigenous vendors and beach owners don’t make enough for what the coast is worth. Money is left on the table. You don’t have to sell your beaches or your heritage to get full value of what your beaches are worth. Simple.

2mch:

Nigerians have been going to those beaches before your grandfather was born. Vendors and beach owners make money. So, which other tourist could you be looking for? You want us to sell it so that we can now be looking at the beach from the TV. All these hungry and desperate villagers sha!
Then you will turn around with your dead comments and insult Lagosians for selling everything. There are some things that exist for social and mutual enjoyment

lol ok. It’s not my fault you thought the word ‘tourist’ only meant foreigners.

2mch:

So right now they are not developed enough for you to enjoy? What other development are you looking for? Foreigners? You are not smart enough for me to discuss with you. You definitely did not mean Nigerian tourists. Well, you can continue talking rubbish here. It’s obvious you come from a place where you have nothing and you are hungry looking for money by all means everywhere.

No I won’t get away from your comments, if you can’t handle the heat then don’t post on a public forum.

Again, you are not the spokesman for indigenous Lagosians, your primitive and archaic opinions are yours. We are talking about Lagos beaches being developed enough for people in Lagos to use and stimulate the Lagos economy, you are talking about prostitutes and ancestral lands

2mch:

Advise tour state and village first to sell their waterfront to tourists. Everything you people will just sell. Not everything is for sale. We don’t want your tourist Naira. Take it to your hometown. Why are you getting defensive? I speak as an indigenous Lagosian to you. I can talk about my village and state better than you. You can go to your village and make those comments. The families that own these beaches make far more money than if they sold their beach already. We don’t need tourist Naira that will make our boys and girls prostitutes to perverts and our villagers being asked what they are doing on their own ancestral land. Get away from my comments!

‘Tourist’ doesn’t meant foreigners. Someone from Ogun state touring/visiting the beaches in Lagos is a tourist.

Joromi12:
there are beaches all over the world. Nothing special in nigerians own that us tourist worthy

As I said before that is your personal opinion, you don’t speak for ALL the indigenous Lagosians.

Are the beaches even developed enough for locals to enjoy it? Get it to that level first, before you start moaning about non existent tourists crowding your beaches.

2mch:

Well. We obviously don’t buy into your greed so it has not happened. Go and look at tourist countries and see how locals can’t even afford to enjoy the beach You can go to your village and sell the riverfront t to tourists.

lol I am sure you don’t speak for every indigenous Lagosians. Especially those that will make money from tourist Naira.

2mch:

We indigenous Lagosians like our beach as it is. Thank you.

Huh?? So Nigerians don’t love the beach? With the population in Lagos, I am sure lots of money can still be generated. Our resources are underutilized. Have we even developed it enough for Nigerians to spend their money here before we talk of foreigners?

2mch:

Which money left on the table. You want us to sell our beaches to foreigners ehn? So that they can be asking is what we are coming to do on our beach. Just go the beach, enjoy and go back home. Or tell tour village head to sell all their assets to foreigners

The coastlines in Lagos are so untapped. There is a stretch of untapped coastline along Satellite town that leads to Benin Republic. I once went to a private beach there, it’s accessible by boat. I can’t remember the name.

So much money left on the table.

AroOkigbo:
Untapped source of foreign exchange

Nope. Huge population is not the problem. When a country has more than half of its population living below the poverty line, no country will issue free visas to such country. America’s population is bigger yet its citizens can go visa free to a country with a population the size of Lagos. What’s the difference? If most Nigerians are wealthy enough to spend tourist Naira in SA and come back, even if we are a trillion in Nigeria, SA will issue that free visa.

So instead of Nigerians being mad at SA, we should fix our economy so other countries will want us in their countries.

Rossikk:
Get real people. Nigeria's population is 200 million. Ghana's is 28 million. Granting visa free access to Nigerians to South Africa will lead to heavy migration that that country cannot possibly handle. It makes no sense for them to grant Nigerians visa free access when they still have a huge population of deprived people in SA that need attention. I wouldn't take this personal at all. We are a huge country.

Is this true or you are just another troll?

You should report him to the local police station. Then, report him to his bosses so they know their employee is abusing his power/authority. When you do, you should be ready to support your fiancée because she is going to get a lot of backlash.

Unfortunately, she might not get justice by way of a conviction or a dismissal at his job. Rape is hard to prove when the victim is a mature adult, the perp is not a stranger and no grievous bodily harm. Her boss can say it was consensual if the pregnancy turns out to be his. Companies should frown at boss and subordinate sexual ‘relationships’ because those relationships are unequal and they are rarely consensual. Also, there is little to no protection for an employee that is fired for refusing to sleep with her boss.

Op, since you know your fiancee and you believe she was raped, this is the time she needs you most.

I personally don’t think there is anything wrong in marrying someone from a different tribe other than yours.

If you are dealing with your spouse alone, there shouldn’t be a problem with inter-tribal marriages. However, in Nigerian marriages you rarely marry just the individual, you have to marry the tribe too. It’s advisable for women to be much more careful in marrying into a different tribe/culture. There are some tribes that have cultural practices that are not favorable to wives/women. Also, you have to know the answer to “what will be the dominant culture in your marriage?” And be willing to have your children raised in that culture.

For reasons above, most men and women tend to marry into cultures they are familiar with. I see how a Yoruba woman/man would experience culture shock when exposed to Igbo culture. Igbo culture tends to be more conservative than the Yoruba culture. In bigger cities, inter-tribal marriages are much more common.

Yes! There are many successful inter-tribal marriages, it depends on the individual who you are going to marry. I know one example is not a compelling statistic(s), but my mom is a Hausa Muslim married to my Christian dad from Rivers State. My dad was very protective of my mother and he made it very clear to his family that my mom was not to be some punching bag in the guise of “it’s culture”. I am also in an inter-tribal marriage, I married into an amazing Igbo family. I also have Isoko, Igbo, & Yoruba men as my brothers-in-law.