₦airaland Forum

sereen: thank u for your time.

You're welcome. phew! I thought you'd never speak with me again.

sereen: dear Lobell,I am gong crazy,pls we talk private?if yes dis is my BB pin 28EA25B4.tnk u.

I'm Sorry I chased you away. I only wanted to estimate how safe you'd be if you went back. Wish I could have been of more help but be that as it may I wont stop praying for you. Stay strong!

adexsimply: Tenks vewi mush!!
Gawd Bless u..I'm vewi gwateful

welcome

uj_sizzle: Dayuuuum!

Wetin happen? abi wetin you see?

Caracta: I said you should use your hand! Or better still, let a friend help you.

Na wa o! how can you use your hand to measure your bra size? If you dont know the answer to a question simply direct the questioner to google.

I read somewhere the figures ie the 34 in 34D comes from the size around your chest under the breast and the D comes from the difference between this measurement and that around the chest that includes the breast at the fullest part of the breast while bent over and with your chest parrallel to the floor. If the difference is less than one = AA, 1 = A, 2 = B etc etc.
Keep in mind that the values you get are not sacrosanct but your size will be that give or take one size.
my two kobos worth!

I've been thinking about this...
Is the dead player simply substituted and the match continues? or is a match rescheduled?
If the bereaved team decides they can't play on as per grief, do they forfeit? (for instance a world cup match)
If the match continues are the players/officials/spectators/everybody not being disrespectful of the Dead?
Please football fans/enthusiasts/experts/everybody sound off!

Youngsage: @O.P Thanks for taking the effort to make this post to educate those who were ignorant. Av been observing this trend for quite a while now... But serzly how would 'between' start a sentence and precede a comma? Well...

I tire...

Tharye S.:
Hausa people sev don dey correct mistake. Ehn ehn. Life go beter o

Hausa people?! dude can you stop being ethnicist and smell the fresh coffee. Let's stop doing this to ourselves and address issues with a better sense of judgement and understanding. c'mon!

born_to_be_gr8t: Jus fooling around with u no vex

Bros...I no vex. The observation might not necessarily apply to you...

born_to_be_gr8t: Very well noted...but can u also tell us the meaning of "over sabi" cos I want to know the meaning # English teacher #

You can call it whatever you want and make snide comments but the truth is that these things have a way of creeping into and replacing the correct use of English. I'd rather do over sabi and save someone an epic embarrassment.

Ok, I finally snapped today after seeing one more comment starting with 'between'. If I don't address this issue now I might strangle myself next time I see one.
The commentators have seen, I presume, a comment starting with 'btw' and assumed rather erroneously that it was a short form for the word 'between' and have gone ahead to use it in its long form never minding to query if the comment they saw made complete sense if 'btw' was replaced with 'between'. Plus nothing stops one from asking if one doesn't know. The Hausas have a proverb that says "matambayi baya bata - meaning, he who asks never gets lost".

Please my fellow Nairalanders if you don't understand something, anything, just ask. It doesn't make you unintelligent but rather makes you smarter for next time instead of assuming and looking like an *** or worst still leading other learners astray!
my two kobos worth!

PS: If you are reading this and have ever used 'between' in place of 'btw' please go and fix it. NOW!

sereen: I love dis,my marriage almst crashn,kn I hv loose ends.with this I can make better ammendment.Thank you so much for your time.

Dear Sereen, your decision alone means that you have won half the battle! I'll be praying with you and I wish you God's good success. Keep in mind that you might not seem to be making any impact in the beginning but please don't give up as the seeds you sow today will eventually grow into matured plants that you'll be smiling when you harvest. All the best.

There’s a blog post that’s recently gone viral, written by a divorced man featuring some really sound advice about marriage (read it here - https://www.nairaland.com/1522819/20-marriage-tips-everyone-needs). I really have to applaud this guy. It takes guts to stand up and be transparent about your failures. It’s equally as commendable to stand up and say how you’d do things differently.

One thing that his post is lacking, however, is the female perspective. After reading his post, I wanted to take some time and write down some things that I’ve learned in the last ten years. You see – I’m now in my third marriage. When people learn this fact about me, their reaction is usually pretty awkward. It’s almost as if they’re waiting for me to be embarrassed by my admission. While going through two divorces was some of the most painful times of my life, I’d only feel ashamed if I’d gone through it without being able to say I’ve learned a thing or two. My husband and I had both been through divorce before we married each other, and with that brings a unique perspective into many do’s and don’ts of how to treat your spouse. Don’t get me wrong – our marriage isn’t perfect, but our failures in past relationships have shaped decisions we make about the way we treat each other, and to be honest, I’m glad I went through it. We’ve learned better, so now we do better.

And with that, I’d like to offer up my version of his wise marriage tips – from a woman who has triumphed the murky waters of divorce.

Respect your husband. - Notice how it doesn’t say “Respect your husband if he has earned it”. A man’s greatest need in this world is to be respected, and the person he desires that respect from the most is his wife. The trap that we’ve all been ensnared by is that they only deserve our respect when they earn it. Yes, we want our husbands to make decisions that will ultimately garner our respect, but the truth is that your husband is a human being. A human being who makes mistakes. This is the man that YOU have chosen to walk alongside you for the rest of your life, and to lead your family and he needs to be respected for that quality alone. Take it from me – when respect is given even when he doesn’t deserve it, it will motivate him to earn it. That doesn’t mean you pretend that his choices are good ones when they aren’t. Things like that still need to be communicated, but you can flesh out your differences WITH RESPECT. It makes all the difference in the world to him.

Guard your heart. - The grass is not greener on the other side. Do not believe the lie that with a slimmer figure, a higher salary, a faster car, or a bigger house, you will be a happier woman. The world is full of things and people that will serve as reminders that you don’t have the best of the best, but it’s simply not true. Live the life you’ve been blessed with, and BE THANKFUL. I get that we all have struggles, and there are even times when I would love 1,000 more square feet of house to live in, but square feet is not fulfilling – relationships are. Guard your heart from things and people that will try to convince you that your life or your husband is not good enough. There will always be bigger, faster, stronger, or shinier – but you’ll never be satisfied with more until you’re fulfilled with what you have now.

God, husband, kids…in that order. - I know this isn’t a popular philosophy, especially among mothers, but hear me out. It’s no secret that my faith is of utmost importance, so God comes first in my life no matter what. But regardless of your belief system, your husband should come before your kids. Now unless you’re married to someone who is abusive (in which case, I urge you to seek help beyond what my blog can give you), no man in his right mind would ask you to put your kids aside to serve his every need while neglecting them. That’s not what this means. When you board an airplane, the flight attendants are required to go over emergency preparedness prior to takeoff. When explaining the part about how to operate the oxygen mask, passengers are instructed to first put the mask on themselves before putting it on their small child. Is that because they think you are more important than your kids? Absolutely not. But you cannot effectively help your child if you can’t breathe yourself. The same holds true with marriage and parenting. You cannot effectively parent your children if your marriage is falling apart. Take it from me – I tried. There will also come a time when your kids will leave the house to pursue their dreams as adults. If you have not cultivated a lasting relationship with your spouse, you will have both empty nests and empty hearts.

Forgive. - No one is perfect. Everyone makes mistakes. If you make forgiveness a habit – for everything from major mistakes to little annoyances (every day, I have to forgive my husband for leaving the wet towel on the bathroom counter ) – you will keep resentment from growing.

Over-communicate. - I used to have a bad habit of not speaking my feelings. I played the standard “You should know why I’m mad” game, and that’s just downright unfair. Men are not wired like women, and they DON’T always know that they’ve been insensitive. I’m still growing in this area, and there are often times when my husband has to pry something out of me, but I’m trying to remember that I need to just communicate how I feel.

Schedule a regular date night. - This one isn’t new, but it’s very important. Never stop dating your spouse. Even if you can’t afford dinner and a movie (which we seldom can), spending some regular one-on-one time with your spouse is essential. Don’t talk about bills, or schedules, or the kids. Frankie and I often daydream about our future, or plan our dream vacation. We connect emotionally and often learn something new about each other – even after four years.

Never say the “D Word”. - If you’re gonna say it, you better mean it. Plain and simple, threatening divorce is not fighting fair. I did this a lot in my previous marriages. I’m not proud of it, but I learned better. I was hurting deeply, and I wanted to hurt back, but it never helped me feel better.

Learn his love language. - Everyone has a love language. The way you perceive love is often different from the way your spouse perceives love. Does he like words of affirmation, or does he respond better when you give him gifts? Whatever his love language is – learn it and USE IT. Edited to add: If you are unfamiliar with the principles behind love languages, you can learn more about it here - http://www.5lovelanguages.com/.

Never talk negatively about him. - I learned this lesson the hard way too. If you’re going through a difficult time in your marriage and you need advice, see a counselor. Family counseling is a great tool, but try to remember that your family members and friends are not the most objective people to give advice. The argument they are hearing is one-sided and they often build up negative feelings toward your spouse, which usually doesn’t subside once you and your husband have gotten past it. Protect his image with those that you’re close with and seek help from those that can actually be objective. News flash, ladies – your mother cannot be objective!

Choose to love. - There are times in a marriage that you may wake up and not feel in love anymore. Choose to love anyway. There are times when you may not be attracted to your husband anymore. Choose to love anyway. Marriage is a commitment. In sickness and health, in good times and in bad. Those vows are sacred. They don’t say “if you have bad times”. They say “in good times AND in bad”, implying that there WILL be bad times. It’s inevitable. So choose to love anyway. He’s worth it.

source: http://eighthrising.com/2013/10/28/10-marriage-tips-every-wife-needs-to-hear/

Below are 20 wise marriage tips from a man that was recently divorced. You wouldn’t normally think that a divorced man would give good advice on being a husband, but this man has been through enough hardship to know what is worth fighting for:

MARRIAGE ADVICE I WISH I WOULD HAVE HAD:

Obviously, I’m not a relationship expert. But there’s something about my divorce being finalized this week that gives me perspective of things I wish I would have done different… After losing a woman that I loved, and a marriage of almost 16 years, here’s the advice I wish I would have had…

1) Never stop courting. Never stop dating. NEVER EVER take that woman for granted. When you asked her to marry you, you promised to be that man that would OWN HER HEART and to fiercely protect it. This is the most important and sacred treasure you will ever be entrusted with. SHE CHOSE YOU. Never forget that, and NEVER GET LAZY in your love.

divorce advice

2) PROTECT YOUR OWN HEART. Just as you committed to being the protector of her heart, you must guard your own with the same vigilance. Love yourself fully, love the world openly, but there is a special place in your heart where no one must enter except for your wife. Keep that space always ready to receive her and invite her in, and refuse to let anyone or anything else enter there.

3) FALL IN LOVE OVER and OVER and OVER again. You will constantly change. You’re not the same people you were when you got married, and in five years you will not be the same person you are today. Change will come, and in that you have to re-choose each other everyday. SHE DOESN’T HAVE TO STAY WITH YOU, and if you don’t take care of her heart, she may give that heart to someone else or seal you out completely, and you may never be able to get it back. Always fight to win her love just as you did when you were courting her.

4) ALWAYS SEE THE BEST in her. Focus only on what you love. What you focus on will expand. If you focus on what bugs you, all you will see is reasons to be bugged. If you focus on what you love, you can’t help but be consumed by love. Focus to the point where you can no longer see anything but love, and you know without a doubt that you are the luckiest man on earth to be have this woman as your wife.

5) IT’S NOT YOUR JOB TO CHANGE OR FIX HER… your job is to love her as she is with no expectation of her ever changing. And if she changes, love what she becomes, whether it’s what you wanted or not.

6) TAKE FULL ACCOUNTABILITY for your own emotions: It’s not your wife’s job to make you happy, and she CAN’T make you sad. You are responsible for finding your own happiness, and through that your joy will spill over into your relationship and your love.

7) NEVER BLAME your wife If YOU get frustrated or angry at her, it is only because it is triggering something inside of YOU. They are YOUR emotions, and your responsibility. When you feel those feelings take time to get present and to look within and understand what it is inside of YOU that is asking to be healed. You were attracted to this woman because she was the person best suited to trigger all of your childhood wounds in the most painful way so that you could heal them… when you heal yourself, you will no longer be triggered by her, and you will wonder why you ever were.

8 ) Allow your woman to JUST BE. When she’s sad or upset, it’s not your job to fix it, it’s your job to HOLD HER and let her know it’s ok. Let her know that you hear her, and that she’s important and that you are that pillar on which she can always lean. The feminine spirit is about change and emotion and like a storm her emotions will roll in and out, and as you remain strong and unjudging she will trust you and open her soul to you… DON’T RUN-AWAY WHEN SHE’S UPSET. Stand present and strong and let her know you aren’t going anywhere. Listen to what she is really saying behind the words and emotion.

9) BE SILLY… don’t take yourself so damn seriously. Laugh. And make her laugh. Laughter makes everything else easier.

10) FILL HER SOUL EVERYDAY… learn her love languages and the specific ways that she feels important and validated and CHERISHED. Ask her to create a list of 10 THINGS that make her feel loved and memorize those things and make it a priority everyday to make her feel like a queen.

11) BE PRESENT. Give her not only your time, but your focus, your attention and your soul. Do whatever it takes to clear your head so that when you are with her you are fully WITH HER. Treat her as you would your most valuable client. She is.

12) BE WILLING TO TAKE HER SEXUALLY, to carry her away in the power of your masculine presence, to consume her and devour her with your strength, and to penetrate her to the deepest levels of her soul. Let her melt into her feminine softness as she knows she can trust you fully.

13) DON’T BE AN IDIOT…. And don’t be afraid of being one either. You will make mistakes and so will she. Try not to make too big of mistakes, and learn from the ones you do make. You’re not supposed to be perfect, just try to not be too stupid.

14) GIVE HER SPACE… The woman is so good at giving and giving, and sometimes she will need to be reminded to take time to nurture herself. Sometimes she will need to fly from your branches to go and find what feeds her soul, and if you give her that space she will come back with new songs to sing…. (okay, getting a little too poetic here, but you get the point. Tell her to take time for herself, ESPECIALLY after you have kids. She needs that space to renew and get re-centered, and to find herself after she gets lost in serving you, the kids and the world.)

15) BE VULNERABLE… you don’t have to have it all together. Be willing to share your fears and feelings, and quick to acknowledge your mistakes.

16) BE FULLY TRANSPARENT. If you want to have trust you must be willing to share EVERYTHING… Especially those things you don’t want to share. It takes courage to fully love, to fully open your heart and let her in when you don’t know i she will like what she finds… Part of that courage is allowing her to love you completely, your darkness as well as your light. DROP THE MASK… If you feel like you need to wear a mask around her, and show up perfect all the time, you will never experience the full dimension of what love can be.

17) NEVER STOP GROWING TOGETHER… The stagnant pond breeds malaria, the flowing stream is always fresh and cool. Atrophy is the natural process when you stop working a muscle, just as it is if you stop working on your relationship. Find common goals, dreams and visions to work towards.

18) DON’T WORRY ABOUT MONEY. Money is a game, find ways to work together as a team to win it. It never helps when teammates fight. Figure out ways to leverage both persons strength to win.

19) FORGIVE IMMEDIATELY and focus on the future rather than carrying weight from the past. Don’t let your history hold you hostage. Holding onto past mistakes that either you or she makes, is like a heavy anchor to your marriage and will hold you back. FORGIVENESS IS FREEDOM. Cut the anchor loose and always choose love.

20) ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. In the end, this is the only advice you need. If this is the guiding principle through which all your choices is governed, there is nothing that will threaten the happiness of your marriage. Love will always endure.

In the end MARRIAGE isn’t about Happily ever after. It’s about work. And a commitment to grow together and a willingness to continually invest in creating something that can endure eternity. Through that work, the happiness will come.

Marriage is life, and it will bring ups and downs. Embracing all of the cycles and learning to learn from and love each experience will bring the strength and perspective to keep building, one brick at a time.

These are lessons I learned the hard way. These are lessons I learned too late.

But these are lessons I am learning and committed in carrying forward. Truth is, I LOVED being married, and in time, I will get married again, and when I do, I will build it with a foundation that will endure any storm and any amount of time.

If you are reading this and find wisdom in my pain, share it with those young husbands whose hearts are still full of hope, and with those couples you may know who may have forgotten how to love. One of those men may be like I was, and in these hard earned lessons perhaps something will awaken in him and he will learn to be the man his lady has been waiting for.

The woman that told him ‘I do’, and trusted her life with him, has been waiting for this man to step up.

If you are reading this and your marriage isn’t what you want it to be, take 100% responsibility for YOUR PART in marriage, regardless of where your spouse is at, and commit to applying these lessons while there is time.

MEN - THIS IS YOUR CHARGE : Commit to being an EPIC LOVER. There is no greater challenge, and no greater prize. Your woman deserves that from you.

Be the type of husband your wife can’t help but brag about.

source: http://www.viralnova.com/20-marriage-tips/

Dis Guy: lobell...do the typical americana thing

Sue them!! how can they charge $3000 just for boil!!

next time, just get someone from naija to send/bring those over the counter antibiotics, ear drop and panadol extra

I swear! I'm already on it...Expecting my cargo by december

De Beauvoir: @bold;

Complete and utter nonsense. It is not all laid down customs that help society function properly. There are laid down customs in some pagan societies that require sacrificing human beings to non existent gods, are those ones helping society function better? What about the laid down customs in some Nigerian tribes that demand burying some human heads with the king when he dies? There is also a laid down custom in my village that involves sacrificing a fair complexioned beautiful woman to the river goddess every year to keep the village from flooding, is that one also helping society function properly?
Or the killing of twins in the past or the custom of keeping slaves? Did they help society function properly?

The only reason you support this particular custom is because it favors you, nothing more. It is making the lives of women miserable but you don't care. All you are interested in is maintaining your position of superiority.

Are you a politician? I'm asking because you have tactfully avoided my questions and gone off on a handle about something else.

The problem with bed bugs is the eggs. Those things are resilient so you need to do a timetable for fumigation to take care of the babies before they become sexual adults. The eggs take anywhere between 6-17 days to hatch and about 37 days from hatching to maturity hence the difficulty of eradicating them. By the time you're done with one fumigation a new set emerges almost every week and the cycle continues. So to effectively eradicate them, you need to fumigate at least every week for at least two months and preferably a fumigant that doesn't need contact to kill - I mean one that can asphyxiate them as well as kill on contact.
All the best getting rid of them. By the way the hausa name for bedbug is the same as that for money - so it's like you have a lot of money under your bed

Lucasbalo: Healthcare in US is the most expensive because it's for profit business unlike Canada and Western Europe .i had an episode 5 years ago and was hospitalized for about 7 weeks and extensive therapy. My total bill was almost $350.000. I only paid $7.000 for my deductible . I didn't even think about my deductible . I was just glad God and the good medical team saved my life. I was inebriated for about 6 weeks. It depends on the kind of insurance you have too. That's why all this politicians and wealthy people come to US for their medical needs.i know a minister who will come to Chicago simply because of stomach ache . There is no good medical facilities in Nigeria. Real Admiral Akhigbe just died in New York couple weeks ago and Marriam Babaginda died at a hospital in Los Angeles. Tinubu just had his knee surgery at University of Chicago hospital. They do this because they know there is no medical facilities in Nigeria worthy of entrusting their lives on. Patience Jonathan knows better, that's why she went for treatment in Germany . As much as I come to Nigeria, if I ever fall sick, I will take the next available flight back to Chicago not minding the cost. I guess you pay for the quality you get. Hope the leaders in Nigeria improves the health facilities so people wouldn't be dying unnecessarily . Our people deserves better.

Is that what Obamacare is trying to address or is it worsening it?

De Beauvoir: Read what I wrote to pickabeau about a new family getting a new name. If that is done, no one is discriminated against, not the man and not the woman and this help to prevent issues of gender discrimination.

Please humor me, who picks out the new name? the man or the woman? And don't say both because they can't both mutually exclusively select the same name.
If the man wins and chooses the new surname, it's tantamount to using his name - and the fight starts allover as in the wife is forced to use the husbands name (I mean the new name he selected) and the converse is true for the reverse scenario!
Laid down rules/customs makes society function properly and one of such rules is that the wife adopts the husband's family name or a neutral name that he decides. Either case the wife still has to change her name. And from what I know of you so far, you will still feel disenfranchised as long as the woman doesn't get to do the choosing.
The same scenario plays out when you have to name a child. The husband and the wife cannot possibly have the same name (or name idea) for the child. But in the end everybody I know has got a name and there was no war before a consensus was reached in less than seven days which is the average time it takes to name a child. If everybody were to go by your arguments then every single family will break up for this seemingly mundane but all-important task of naming a child.

kendraloops: Wise words, tnx a lot. God bless u. I ad to lay low when I saw the thread had been overtaken by ....... Some people just give 'textbook' advice. I learnt a whole lot sha.

I'm glad. You take care now.

kendraloops: To all those that offered matured advice (you know urselves), God bless u n keep all that you hold dear.

To all those advocating divorce, una try well well. U get broda wey I go marry? Abeg oo, na my Esan man house I go old till my b.reasts dey sweep floor.

To all those that insulted hubby n I, I must tell you we had a good laugh reading some comments here. You guys even helped bring us closer.

Much love guys. *takes a bow*

I'm glad you guys worked it out...dint hear from you for a while and I sorta got worried that you followed the advice of one of those foolish women...like I always say "husband and wife matter no get exact yes or no answer" cos each is unique and you become the enemy when they finally settle themselves. God no go allow divorce or even separation for your marriage lailai in Jesus' name. Amen.

De Beauvoir: It has to change. It is causing many issues of gender discrimination against women.

How does changing a name or not cause gender discrimination? Its either she bears her husband's name which you call gender discrimination or bears her father's name which is still gender discrimination if I were to use your argument.

De Beauvoir: It's not going to cause any confusion, don't be ridiculous.

Let's take the scenario you painted above and assume that all the 5 sisters you mentioned in your example are males, I am sure you won't say that there will be confusion if they all bear their father's names after marriage but strangely enough, you think there will be confusion if they are females and they bear their father's name after marriage.
Let women have independent identities please, this control freak attitude of chauvinists is very oppressive and need to stop.

Exactly my point Beau...There's already enough confusion as it is with male siblings without compounding the issue further with names of female siblings! This 'name-dropping' issue is not religious as you might want to paint and neither is it chauvinistic. It is more of a culture thing and everybody well almost everybody is used to that arrangement and turning it on its head will take some doing.

I had this experience a couple of months ago and I feel I should share.
I had a boil in my left ear which left me unable to eat cos the left side of my face was paralyzed with pain. I couldn't work my jaw hence I couldn't eat! So I took myself to the ER. The hospital staff were all over me - talk about quality healthcare! I was attended to by no less than seven different people (doctors, nurses, attendants, lab specialists etc).
I had a primary insurance cover which I paid for but had not received my ID card/number (this was supposed to be for everyday/minor medical needs) and I had a secondary insurance for which I had my ID (I was told this was for special medical emergencies) . They took down my details for the secondary insurance.
My blood/urine work was done and at the end they gave me an ear drop and prescribed pain killers. I wasn't asked to co-pay any amount.
About two weeks later I got a call from the hospital requesting for my insurance ( I was half-expecting this because like I mentioned earlier the secondary insurance was for special cases) by this time I'd gotten my primary insurance ID. I gave them the details they requested.
A couple of weeks later I got a mail from my primary insurance provider and I logged in to see they had received a bill for a little over $400 (about 70k Naira ) for ear boil...na wa o.
If I thought that was expensive I had a ruder shock about a month later when I received a mail from my secondary insurance provider...I logged in and discovered they had paid a whopping sum of...wait for it... $2800 plus to cover me! Implying that they couldn't cover the whole bill hence the request from the hospital for another insurance cover.
This meant that my visit to the ER costed well over $3000 (almost half a million Naira) what the @$!%^&! just for ear boil that back home I would treat for less than 500Naira (300 bucks for ear drops or oral amoxycillin, 100 bucks for panadol and 20 bucks for B-co and all without probably having to see a doctor!)
To my Yankee bros and sis
Is this what is obtainable everywhere across the US? Do you guys ever fall sick? How do you pay for healthcare? What if your provider reneges and refuses to pay? What would have happened to me if I didn't have cover? Would I have been in jail serving time now ?
Please you guys should respond because I wasn't myself for the remainder of that day and then some.

Afam4eva: I don't even think the woman set out to marry from outside her tribe. She probably felt she was more or less marrying her fellow Yoruba since the man spoke the language even better than her and was probably more disposed to Yoruba things hence the reason why she didn't seem it necessary to discuss these issues. Some ladies would actually have no problem acceding to such a man's request, that's why people should marry someone they can agree with most of the time. If you can't agree with someone, no matter how in-love you guys are, it's a waste of time.

I know of a thousand and one issues and know nothing of a million and one other ones that will never cross your 'matured' minds until after you get married and you are blindsided by one of them by 2pm on some idle Tuesday! You'd be so shocked that your matured mind had never considered it and be shocked even more that you don't have an adequate response! Whether or not you marry from your tribe, whether or not you cover 'all' the bases. You'll be surprised how these things keep coming up. The bible calls them little foxes. They're inconsequential seemingly but they do enormous damage that's very expensive to repair.

tintingz: why can't she just stick to her father's name instead of changing names like slaves?

It will cause too many problems...believe me. If you retained your father's name, would you still carry the title 'Mrs'? How can you and your married sister(s) (imagine you have like 5 of them) all bear Mrs. Kofo (Kofo being your fathers name)?

ayoflyn: Thank you all for your advices i really apreciate it. All will be considered and ill make sure the phone is unlockable before making any payment. Cheers

It's been a year now. Did you get the 4s and were you able to get it unlocked? How? Thanks.

tintingz: Now tell me what if a woman husband died and she got married to another man she will have to change her surname again? Even when she divorce the current husband and marry another man she will have to change her name again? This not making any sense, changing names as if she is no person or has no root

When a woman's husband dies (or she is divorced), she is free from the connection that identified her with that man, except if she insists on maintaining or keeping the dead man's name. At this point she can call herself whatever she wants. If she remarries, to identify with the new man, she has to take his name or not if they agree so to do. She cant keep calling herself Mrs. Okomah who is dead or who she divorced when she is now married to Mr. Agrippa...too much confusion imo.

deols: You need to try harder. I am a Yoruba person. What in Yoruba history or culture says that a woman changes her name after marriage?

and don't start to say what you don't know about. In many parts of the world, women retain their identity- the one they are born with. Even in Northern Nigeria, many women retain their Fathers' name after marriage.

Change of name for the woman after marriage is a status thing for instance you cant be Miss Deola Aderibibe and become Mrs. Deola Aderibibe except of course if you married your father or brother or other close relative (or on the off chance that you married someone who coincidentally bore your maiden name which I find highly unlikely). Swear to me that you wont change your name when you get married and flaunt it to your friends (I've seen it severally - the woman rolls her eyes and says 'excuse me it is now Mrs. Deola Onigbanjo! while showing off the ring(s) on her wedding finger) By Northern Nigeria you mean Hausa muslims who have adopted the culture of the Islamic culture of Arab-speaking countries who actually see women as possessions and not qualified to carry the husbands name?! Talk about shooting yourself in the foot!

Freiburger: Automatically becomes a slave to that culture
Now I can understand why a lot of people here are crying for the dislike button.

If you think you'd be enslaved by attaching yourself to a new/different culture you don't need a soothsayer to tell you not to. A lot of people make the mistake of marrying outside their culture without counting the cost probably cos the have a myopic view of how things work or probably they are/were not matured enough to embark on that venture in the first instance. My point is still if you choose to go outside your culture, you're leaving your comfort zone and as such should make the requisite adjusting before you start.
You don't pack your bags and leave Adamawa for Lagos only for you to get there and wonder/complain why/that nobody is speaking Bachama! It's common sense which is seemingly looking not so common anymore.

deols: and in what culture is this practised?

For marrying an Esan man, she becomes Esan?? You are making it seem like she's a property passed to the hubby and is now entirely his. she can no longer make claim to her ethnicity nor can she have a say in her marriage.

what part of our culture even says that a woman must change her name??

At this age and time, I didnt expect to hear many people speak this way. o ga o.

It is practiced in almost every culture in the world (except in Indonesia where they dont have surnames and some tribes in Ghana where they bear the mothers' name. These are extreme exceptions). But generally sppeaking, if you marry an american, you automatically become one or qualify to become one depending on the amount of 'Red Tape' you have to cross but this is the norm everywhere. If you marry from a different nationality/culture from yours, you automatically adopt that nationality/culture. This is common knowledge except if you're from outer space which I doubt very much but if true, welcome to Earth!
I fail to see where I insinuated she's a property. Does your car or shoe become a Nupe car or an Ebira shoe when you acquire it? No!, emphatically. When she got married to her man, she automatically became a part of him something akin to his eyes or elbow or even brain. Technically she can still lay claim to her ethnicity but she now belongs to a new one (leaving her Yoruba people doesn't mean forgetting who she is) and as a functional part of her hubby she has a say in her marriage provided it doesn't undermine the proper functioning of the marriage (for instance your eyes can decide that they want to stay shut and don't want to see anything the whole of Monday simply because an insect flew inside and it hurts very bad. News flash! Because the rest of the body has to get to the office on Monday morning and they heavily depend on the eyes to see the way there, the eye has no choice but to open and see the way despite/in spite the pain - that's what marriage is all about)
At this age and time I expect everybody including you dear Deols to know how relationships work especially with respect to adopting your spouses culture if/when you do decide to hitch your wagon to his.

gothrones: Isn't that what you have been doing all along? You claimed that the man is the head. You talked about marital roles. You have been advocating for the man's rights in almost all your comments; but heavens forbid that a woman have her own rights. The child has a first and last name given by the father; but if the mother wants to give the child a middle name, then she is "claiming rights." The child must speak the father's language, but if the mother wants the child to speak her own language too, then she is "claiming rights." I detest how women's rights in Nigeria do not matter.

What Afam is saying is that for a woman, marriage means leaving your former identity and identifying with your husbands. That is why OP was previously called Sikiratu Obadofin = Yoruba and she's now called Mrs. (she has gained a title) Sikiratu Oseronwenmenmenmen = Esan. or Mrs. S. X. Y. Z. Oseronwenmenmenmen which tells anybody anywhere that the bearer of that name is Esan. As soon as OP said 'she did' she disowned the Yoruba and identified with Esan.