₦airaland Forum

My tongue and my index finger.
Can you guess my job?

Person whe dey work sotey him no get time to cut him bear bear na him dem dey expet to give them rest time? Ebun is a workaholic and a crazy one for that matter.
You can only survive in his company if you work harder than a slave.
Too toxic!

VictorUSA:
My cousin sister is living with us...she came of recent.Sometimes she expose parts of her breasts or laps and comes to me in a sexual way.

She sits on my lap and always deny that we're biologically related.

I tried all I could to avoid her but she's always on my neck.

Just relocate to Russia, pornhub has been banned there.
Las las, you'll be alright.

After now Dem go say men are scum.
Shebi na beekos of man she dey do all this one.

Here name was Sophie.
Pretty, loveable, elegant and socially distinct.
Fully grown with the right fleshes in the right proportion at the right places.
Everything about her was perfect, and she knew it.
She had her first boyfriend at age 17.
By the time she turned 20, she had dated and broken up with 6 men.
6 ÷ 3 = 2.
Yes, the Maths is correct.
At age 25, the count dramatically spiked to 26!
Of course you read that right.
26!
That's an average of 4 breakups in a year!
Well...
Some of those must definitely be the fault of the men, right?
Of course!
Unfortunately, that was only true for the first 6.
The last 20 breakups were all carefully planned, executed and sealed!
She targeted the big boys.
It was easy.
Even the holiest of men would agree that she's beautiful and very attractive.
The game was simple.
She flaunts her assets, catches the man's attention, agrees to date him, her birthday comes up, he buys her an expensive gift, she catches him with another girl and it's over!
Well...
She had the right to breakup with him if he cheated on her?
Correct!
Except that the "other girls" in the picture worked for/with her.
For five years, there were 20 "relationships", 20 gifts (@least 11 of them were choice cars), and 20 breakups.
On her 26th birthday (her actual 26 birthday which comes up only once in a year), the drama took another turn.
Collins was the man in her life.
Somehow, the was gradually beginning to struggle to love Collins.
The relationship had lasted 6 months.
The birthday party was a boom!
Collins invited his friends - Elliot, Sam and Ted.
It was time to unveil the celebrant.
The light came up powerfully.
In her usual elegant adornment, she smiled brilliantly as she stepped on stage.
Collins had perfected plans to surprise her with a ring.
Collins friends couldn't believe their eyes!
I know this girl, they all told Collins.
While Elliot knew her as Amanda for whom he bought a 26 million naira house, Sam was seeing his ex-girlfriend Shirley who he gifted an exotic box he bought for $16,000.
This is undoubtedly Jenny, Ted echoed in his mind. He remembered how he took her on a trip to the Bahamas on her birthday. Upon their return, he gifted her a Mercedes Benz car that had costed him 22.8 million naira.
When the three men decided to speak to one another about the celebrant, the found out that the three birthdays happened in the the same year!
That was before the four of them met at a business seminar and became friends.
They tell Collins about it.
"You are our friend and we honestly think you are dealing with a serial scammer right now", they said.
Collins walked to meet his beloved Sophie - or was it Amanda, Shirley or Jenny?
She smiled angelically as Collins hugged and kissed her.
Just as the background music began to fill the air with Phil Collins' "find a way to my heart", Elliot, Sam and Ted appeared beside Collins to congratulate him on his fiancee's super birthday.
At that moment, time stopped for Amanda.
She couldn't believe that she was staring at her past speeding up into her future.
For the first time in years, she began to pray...

To be continued...

LeoDeKing:
What's ridiculous about 20m for presidential form?

How much is athifku paying for Pdpeeg presidential form?

I think you should read the piece again.
I think they are talking about party National chairmanship not presidential.

Even devil dey shock for some Nairaland lies.
More than 80% of the people posting iPhone, Samsung, this and that can not even afford a decent transsion device.

Nowhere in the world is safe, even if you don't leave your room.
Just do your thing and stick to what is acceptable in that area and you're good.
Happy service year.

Deliberate or a mistake?
Let me park here and wait for the fuel station to issue their statement.

Oh wow!

BareFacedLies:
How will someone give her doggy style sef?

If doggy no work, you can use goaty.

If to say na naija babe eh, the headlines for be:
"Prophetess who prophesied that Russia's invasion of Ukraine will end in tears, killed even before the invasion"
"Putin sacks 1000 personal staff for fear of being poisoned: meet murdered prophetess who foresaw Putin's fear"

Xhuntra:
If I lay my hands on that pretty one, na belle straight

This one no even know wetin dem dey take give woman belle.
Men dey chuk prick for toto to give belle, na ordinary hand you wan lay.
I pity for your mata.

Sheleads:
I met this best friend of mine early December last year, since then we have bonded very well.

The truth is that I am already loving this guy, but it looks like he is interested in another woman out there...

I don't want to come out desperate or a "do or die affair" he watches me get closer to another guy, but he speaks ill of the new guy I want to date. Right inside my heart, he is the guy I love. Since this guy isn't reciprocating my feelings, should I discard our friendship and move on with my life? Or reduce our closeness? I don't want to be hurt or look desperate.

If you don't Have anything reasonable to say don't comment.......

I don't have any reasonable thing to say.
In fact what I have to say is that I don't have any thing to say.
Come and beat me.
�������

On a serious note...
I respect women who have enough courage to live against the societal view that men should do the wooing.
If you feel something, say something.
You might just be harvesting your life happiness.
For it is written, the game of love suffereth violence and only the violent take it by force.
#PEACE

nzeobi:
Just saw it on EEDC Facebook.

I wonder why this grid keeps collapsing like a drunkard.

Collapsing is normal in Nigeria.
The grid is just behaving normally.
Education - collapsed.
Healthcare - collapsed.
Jobs - collapsed
Transportation - collapsed.
Economy - collapsed.
Security - collapsed.
The only things that have refused to collapse in Nigeria are corruption and nepotism.

Nwodosis:
Where are the animal activists?

They are on their way to Russia to meet the crazy animal.

When your one month earning is enough to pay your rent (minimum of 2 bedroom flat), then you are ready to start a family.

Mainland sef get levels.
Ikeja is in LM.
Surulere is in LM.
Yaba is in LM.
Magodo is in LM.
Go and ask of house rent in these places and you'll understand.
They cannot be compared to places in Sangotedo towards Awoyaya to Lakowe, Bogije, Onosa, Ibeju which are still on the Island.
Rent depends on a lot of factors.
You just need to look for what suites you.
Type and age of building, condition of roads, proximity to certain facilities and neighborhoods are all factors that determine rent in Lagos.
I currently pay 580,000 naira annually for a 2-BR apartment somewhere on the island.
I have a friend who's paying 1.3 million naira for the same house configuration, also on the Island.
And it takes under 15 minutes to drive from my place to his.
I seriously doubt if one can a good 2-BR apartment for 580k in Ikeja.
That's Lagos for you.

In other news, Cameronian president, Paul Biya bans Emmanuel Macron from entering Cameroon.

Bought from government: $250m in 1995.
Sold back to government: $13000m in 2005.
Profit: 13000 - 250 = 12750.
$12,750,000,000 in just 10 years!
That's $1,275,000,000 million in a year.
That amounts to $106,250,000 in a month and an average of $3,541,666.67 every day.
In an hour, the amount is $147,569.44 which is $2459.49 in a minute or $40.99 per second!!
At the official rate of 415.32 naira to a dollar, it means he was making 17,023.97 naira every second for 10 straight year!
Hold on a sec...
17,023.97 naira per second is just the amount from the sale of the firm.
How much money did he make from operating the firm itself within that period?
It's a gas company oo!!!
I guess we'll never know.
MONEY!
MONEY!!
MONEY!!!

Michelle70:
Good evening Nairalanmders, I wish to buy Kekenapep and give out as higher purchase.
Buying of the keke is about 1.04m, the truth is I am a bit confused how much the person should pay back in total at the end of the agreement.

How much should I charge him?

Pls this is important to me.

First, na hire purchase dem dey call am no be higher purchase.
To you kwesion, na you know how much profit you wan make.
E go depend on the person whe wan ride the korepe and the business area too.
Good luck with your investment.

Christistruth00:
Today’s Trains are Electric
Most Railways have their own separate Mini Power Stations with back up Power Stations

Even the one that stopped somewhere along the Ibadan-Lagos rail route a few days ago?

Christistruth00:
The Trains don’t run on fuel

Do your research next time

Stop Fake News

Please educate us.
What do trains run on?

Acehart:
Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ. - 1 Cor.11:1

The above is a command (with the tone of a plea). Christ is our example and we are told to imitate God.

Did God marry? Yes. The Book of Hosea is an epilogue of God’s marriage: He marries a woman, she is grossly unfaithful and He still loves in spite of her worthlessness. Hosea 3:1 gives a succinct view of God’s view on marriage: “[i][color=#990000]Go and love your wife again, even though she commits adultery with another lover. This will illustrate that the LORD still loves Israel - one wife for life.

We follow God’s illustration and not the illustration from any man.

If the bolded is true, then why are we claiming the love of the God of Israel?
Since Nigeria is not Israel and God cannot marry a second wife.

PavillionEnergy:
Hey people.
I noticed that my front hairline is gradually shifting back.
It wasn't like this before.
I don't want to experience baldness.

What can I do to stop the retrogressive growth?

It's just a simple something.
Just leave Earth.

#GGMU

Ogbuide17:
The International Activist, therefore, urged the Nigerian government to acquire nuclear weapons and seek for a greater country which makes it strategic focused.

https://www.vanguardngr.com/2022/03/russia-ukraine-crisis-russia-may-take-sanctionary-measures-against-nigeria/

Is everything supposed to be joked with!!

Mumusaphire:
Ororo. No one else can do it. Even d guy wey dey farmer league can't do it. I no mention name oooooo.
F
T
C.












Lala
Seun
Mynd4
And other mobs,
Make I send my aza, at all at all, na him bad.

In the time of football and the days of a round leather sport, the records of the whole world rest on his feet.
His name....


















































CR7!!!

Betrayal is part of life.
I expect even myself to betray myself at some point depending on what is involved.
I am never surprised about betrayals.
I just do what I've got to do and get prepared for the worst results.

The West sanctions anyone and anything linked to Putin.
Putin has threatened that any interference by the West would lead to disastrous responses, including nuclear arms deployment.
Now Meta is linked to the West.
If this is true, Meta is encouraging people to rise against Putin.
Does it mean that Putin could respond?
I guess we will have to keep our fingers crossed.

MITCHELL96:
Love machine ?


Men no dey satisfy again ?

Men don wise finish.
Their harder! Faster!! no dey work again.
Guy man prefer to use that energy hustle than to waste am on top nonsense.
#theMasculineSquad

The lady wanted to get a seks toy but the guy told her that he's a seks toy himself after he'd received the 22k alert.
Babe agreed for a trial but dude turned out to be a 30 minutes man.
Him try abi?
But the beitch is not of this world!