₦airaland Forum

She has the right to do whatever she likes with her money whether married or single

Which is a bigger achievement for a woman; buying a car or getting married? an unmarried lady was seriously criticized recently by many for buying herself an expensive car when she's not yet married. Many felt it was an act of misplaced priority, and condemned her online seriously for doing so. A working class single lady once told me she decided to buy a small car instead of a jeep, cos of what people would say. And more so, it could also scare away guys (suitors). Who might feel intimidated cos of her success or material acquisition. Forget all the talk about equality and women liberation, there are still things unmarried ladies or women generally are not expected to do in a society like ours. When a woman try to 'over-do' a lot of people especially men are bound to frown at her. For daring to do things that are not conventional. And not a few women have gotten into trouble with their husband for this. That's why most of them are afraid or reluctant to venture into personal projects like building a house or buying of land, without the knowledge or consent of their husband. Cos, there are men who would still oppose it despite being told before doing it. It's kind an ego thing. Which most men have. And some of them feel when a woman does things like that, she's trying to displace her husband..And such issue dey scatter marriage, no be small....my dear, abeg enjoy your new car. Na your money, na your sweat, from your hard work!

When a girl is not yet married, but she's in a serious relationship or engaged, you still see her telling almost every guy she meets she's single and available. Many of them usually say this especially on social media network, where they flaunt and advertised their single status to all and sundry. I don't know why most girls do this, when she's already in a relationship. Does it have to with doubts about their relationship or probably they just want to flirt around? But it seems it has more to do with the latter (to cheat/flirt around)!

Just recently, I was told about a lady who usually like going to Church when the service is about to end. Every Sunday, she and her sister would take hours dressing up and making up, while preparing for Church. And when you think they are done, they will hang around until when its around 10am or so, before leaving home for service, which usually end by 11:30am most times. And before you say Jack Robinson, they are already back from Church before 12pm. So tell me, is it possible for them to learn anything by attending Church service in such manner? There are girls like that, who only go to Church to show off their latest clothes, designer handbags/shoes, or check out fine rich guys. Most times you see them entering the Church in the middle of the service, and attracting attention to themselves with the noise they make while walking into the church. They create and cause unnecessary distraction while in church. Always eager to be seen in their new or sexy outfit. You can imagine? No wonder immoralities still thrive in the society despite the presence of Churches here and there. When most church goers are like that or have such mindset, what do you expect? If you want to serve God or attend Church, you do it with all your heart. You can't serve God anyhow or in half measure. Why miss Sunday school in the first place. Just like in school, Sunday school is where one get to learn more about God, and about the Bible. Its where you acquire spiritual knowledge that would help your spiritual growth, prepare you for life challenges and also make you a better person. When doing the right thing, lets do it the right way!

@Jideomowunmi, we are still saying the same thing

@Mutuwa, we are still saying the same thing. And I'm not talking about anybody in particular. Its a general issue common among most guys and girls nowadays...

In life, when you are in a relationship there is no how one won't see or meet guys/girls that will be finer or better than the person you're dating, in some areas. But, should one keep falling for every guy or girl cos of that, then you are LOOSE or CONFUSED! And if you are the type that base everything on looks or on the size of one's wallet, then you will end up dating all the fine guys and girls in town. Cos, dem plenty and dem full everywhere. You're with someone cos of his or her special personality. Cos everybody is special in his/her own way. So, stay in one place, and keep your eyes and your heart only for your partner. Stop drifting, stop messing around and making a mess of everything. There are people who tend to get confused or infatuated whenever they meet a guy or girl that is finer or better than their partner. And before you know it, they don begin date the new person despite being in a relationship. Some could as a result, break up with their partner cos of that. If you're like that, you will never be satisfied/fulfilled in your relationship. Cos, nobody is perfect. And there is nobody that can claim to be the most beautiful or finest person around. The person you are with, is beautiful/fine and special in his or her own ways. And forgive me for saying this, girls are usually guilty of doing this. Most of them keep looking around even when they have a treasure in hand/at home. And this is one of the main causes of failed marriages or adultery in some homes. Since such is usually a relationship/marriage of convenience. And for those hopping about or double dating for the sake of not wanting to 'lose' everything. Biko, stop jumping around and soiling your image/destiny. For, no sane guy will ever leave you nor break your heart...if you are a 'good' girl! If you are waiting or looking for a perfect person to marry, then you no go marry at all. Cos, there is none that is perfect. We can only work together to make things better in our relationship or marriage. Sometimes, I wonder what girls really want. What are they looking for, that makes them jump from here to there...all the time?

Do you really want me to define Love for you? Hmmm, ok. Love is what makes you feel fulfilled, happy and loved

My people, heartbroken? for where, that one no dey my dictionary. Its a general issue, so, enjoy it!

They say most girls don't like it when their boyfriend love them so much. I beg to disagree. Cos, most girls are looking for true love. Except the girl is a player or intend dumping/hurting the guy later, she wouldn't want to have or develop any emotional attachment or fall in love with the guy. So that when she wants to hurt him, she'd do it without looking back and without having any guilt. And girls who are like that could also be confused and really don't know what they want in their relationship. And when you see such girls, they are never happy nor satisfied. Always getting into a new relationship every now and then (more of a rebound relationship). Looking for what is not lost. Cos, love is a beautiful thing to those who genuinely desire it. Like a girl once said, when you find true love, you find happiness. So, any girl who don't want to be loved, is simply lost!

Girls & their games. I usually find it absurd when a girl keep saying yes to every Jide, John or Jimmy that ask her out, when she's already in a relationship. Imagine nodding to every guy she meets either at the shopping mall, in a bank, at a restaurant, at a party, on campus, on a bus/cab, or on social media. They just keep nodding their heads to every guy that catches their fancy, and making a mess of their relationship. Such acts is even worst than prostituting. Cos, no how she must bed one or two of them plus her original boyfriend. So what does that make her? A cheerful giver or a charity worker? Its so terrible when someone does such thing. Just like a serial cheat. Some think doing that is being smart and wise. To me, such a person is worst than a street dog. And has no dignity nor integrity. And is not worthy to be called a lady. Some girls are like that cos of greed, while others do it out of confusion. They just want to have a taste of everything. And when a guy gets involved with such a girl, he doesn't get to know she's already in a relationship until later. And by then he's already madly in love (infatuated) with her. And wouldn't want to let go of her. Creating something worse than a love triangle with her, her original boyfriend and with her other guys. Girls who do this, are nothing but a stray dog, named desire. Cos, men will only want them just for fun, and nothing more! Biko, ba da hanya.

The wearing of low waist among ladies nowadays is very degrading and disgusting. Don't know their reasons for wanting to show the color or the type of the panties they wear. Or probably, they want the world to see the color or shape of their buttocks. The other day, I saw a lady wearing a low waist jean trouser, with all her buttocks and panties (G-string) exposed for all to see. I had to call and tell the girl sitting close to her to inform her that her bum bum (buttocks) was exposed. Some pretend as if they don't know, but you and I know they are aware. Many of them do it on purpose. Just to attract the opposite sex. There is nothing some ladies won't do just to attract or get the attention of guys. But come, why throw your dignity to the dogs. Why?

Those days (don't know about now), living in Jos was beautiful. The ambiance, the environment, the weather and the hospitality shown by everybody made jos a place to be. From morning till night, you get to see enough sight and sound. Going to the zoo or wild life park was also something to look forward to. I really enjoyed my brief stay there, and also had some memorable experience . Met quite a number of wonderful people, and some baaad ass ones as well. But in all, the good ones were far more than the bad ones. And one thing I also noticed about Jos, is the attitude of most guys towards girls. Most of the guys there think more about girls than any other thing. They dress well to woo girls. And chop and clean mouth is also one of their favorite habits when it comes to jilting girls. And the girls there like fine guys with sweet mouths. Once you are a fine boy, you don't need to worry about food or money. Cos girls will provide the rest for you. No wonder male corpers (who've heard about it) like being posted to Jos for their youth service. And the guys there are also crazy about football. Every weekend you find
lots of guys trooping to viewing centers to watch soccer matches on cable. And they have more Chelsea and Barcelona fans in J-town. Anywhere you go, its up Chelsea or Barca for life (mtcheeeeew). But all in all, and despite the security issues, Jos is still Jostified!

I was somewhere the other day, and over heard a mother and her daughter having a heart to heart conversation about getting married. Here is the details of their conversation.

Mother: Who will you marry? An engineer, Actor, Actress, Lawyer, Banker, Photographer, Doctor, Architect, Footballer, Trader, Business man, Military man, Teacher, Politician, Broadcaster, Musician, Carer etc. Biko don't marry any actor or actress, cos na so so auditions and locations he/she go dey go/sleep. And before you know it, issue of infidelity would start creeping into your marriage. You know most Nollywood/media practitioners are known to be randy and unfaithful.

Daughter: Ok. But bankers are cute and ok.

Mother:Bankers never have time for their families. They are always leaving home early and coming back late from work. Your kids might end up seeing him as a stranger...And it would even look as if you are a single mom.

Daughter: Ok, what about a doctor?

Mother: Chei, that one na night shift he/she would always want to be, so as to have time for his/her night lover. If you marry a doctor/Nurse, you'd end up spending most nights alone. na your pillow go be your companion for bed every night.

Daughter: Ok, na true sha. What about lawyers?

Mother: Kai, my daughter, na wahala you wan carry waka come. Dont you know those ones dey get plenty enemies. Abeg, no let them kill you for me o. Lawyers way no dey straight.

Daughter: But mama, photographers are romantic and loving.

Mother: For where? Those ones na ashewo. most of them end up dating their female clients. From photo session, na for dark room both of them go end up.

Daughter: Doing what?

Mother: Ask am naw!

Daughter: What about a military personnel. Love their uniform. Especially navy.

Mother: Hmmm, see your mouth. na your type, men like that go dey deceive with their appearance. Don't you know most military men dey get plenty wives. Since they end up dating/marrying wherever they are posted. Even those for road blocks, dey frequent ashewo for nights well well. Do you want to start fighting other women over your husband's properties if he happens to 'kpeme' for duty?

Daughter: Ok, ok, what about professional footballers, they have enough money and gives one enough comfort. See how Kanu and Okocha's wives are enjoying life.

Mother: Hmm, so, you want marry heart breakers? Those ones are confirmed womanizers. See Michel and Babayaro. Can you count how many girlfriends each of them has? Impossible! So, don't go there.

Daughter: What about teachers, business man or musicians?

Mother: Teachers are ok, but tend to be too strict and less romantic. Everything to them, must be according to book. While business men, are hardly around. Always traveling from here to there. And only him knows what he does each time he goes on those business trips. My dear, he would only turn you into a domestic goddess. And as for musicians. When you see his female dancers or back up girls you've seen some of his secret girlfriends/lovers. And any time he goes on tour, he's always sure of getting some girls to sleep with. My daughter, is that the kind of man you want?

Daughter: Hmmm, so, no good one among all of them. Ok, an engineer or an architect would make a good husband. Since they are serious minded and detailed.

Mother: Hmmm, my dear I'm your mother and married to your father, an engineer. Where is he now?

PO: there is a Yoruba proverb that says " there is no where they don't cook in the night, but some food are sweeter than others,". There is none that is perfect. When you want to get married, simply look for a loving, decent, caring, genuinely God fearing, honest, straight forward, responsible, kind, nice and hard working person, whether you are a man or a woman. Don't be deceived nor carried away. Looks can be deceptive!

What difference does it make if you cheat on your partner wearing your wedding/engagement ring or not? Cheating is cheating, no matter what you do to feel less guilty. Its all the same thing. I've heard cases of people (married or engaged) removing or hiding their wedding/engagement ring whenever they want to cheat on their partners. Some do this, in order not to let the other man or woman they are with know their real status. While others do so, in order to have a clear conscience or reduce their guilt while doing it. A guilt that will never leave you except you don't have a heart...So, why do it?

Some usually dont have where to use as their love nest, so you find them staying behind after school hours just to play some romantic games. Caught two love birds during sec schul trying to do what they ought to do when they get married. but when they realised someone was coming, they quickly disengaged and did as if they werent doing anything. I didnt utter a word, just took my bag and left them...weda dem do am or not then, e no concern me...never knew then, sex was involved in such teenage relationship. guess a lot girls got disvirgined in secondary schul back then...

Most Nigerian songs usually reign for a while before they are forgotten. But songs by foreign artistes last or reign for a long time. And many of them are still being sang or played today. But you can't say the same thing about Nigerian artistes or songs. Which are more of a one off thing, bound to taste like a soured soup later. Are they like this cos of our mentality or due to their quality? I don't think Tuface's African queen will still be as hot as it was years back. Or most of the songs that made headlines years ago. Once its six months or so, they fizzle out immediately. Even to play them atimes, na by force, having lost its appeal among the general public. Our artistes really need to do more in order to make their songs ever fresh and always in demand. Except they are only in it (music industry) for the pay, and not cos of the passion...imagine listening to most of Tony Tetuila's songs that got you rocking then. You might want to destroy the CD. Cos, the thing no sweet for ear again. But check out almost all the songs sang by Michael Bolton years ago for example, they are still fresh, in demand and played till today all over the world... you see what I'm saying?

I remember those days when we were in secondary school, the fun, drama and 'clashes' we used to have. As well as the secret romance among some boys and girls then. Most of which usually come to nought at the end. But come o, where is that your teenage crush in secondary school. That boy that used to follow you everywhere or see you off to your house from school. Or follow you to the village stream. That boy that wanted to be your first love, but later lost you immediately after you left secondary school for pasture new. And what about that girl in your class in secondary school, who made you shy, and is always there each time you look back. That innocent beauty, that made you write several love letters, or take a particular route to school everyday just to see her. That girl you always love to sit close to in class, or share your lunch with everyday. Should I say your first or false love? Where are they? They're gone and forgotten, bah? And now part of your past. Guess many had this teenage crush, with whom they must have built one dream or the other with. Only to be separated by reality. Each to his or her own tent. Life is just like a whirlwind, one really need to get a grip, in order not to slip!

According to some girls, if a girl's line(s) is always engaged (i.e, she's always on the phone/receiving calls from different guys), it doesn't say well of that girl. They say it makes such a girl look bad or irresponsible in the eyes of men, generally...

There was a song about rehab sang by the late pop singer Amy Winehouse, about her dis-likeness for rehab. Though, she later died from alcohol poisoning. When you hear people committing suicide after going in and out of rehab, you begin to wonder what's the need or benefit of going into rehab? To me, rehab (rehabilitation for an addiction) is a glamorized ritual embarked upon by celebrities, just to create a media buzz. Most times, going into rehab doesn't help but compound the situation. Having someone to talk to, does more than going into a paid counseling program. Which is more of a routine than a therapy. Going into rehab most times, does more harm than good. I feel, having a loved one or a close friend to stand by you or show you love in your moment of depression would go a long way in freeing the person from his/her demons... Check out celebs who went into rehab, but later committed suicide. The likes of Amy Winehouse, Heather Ledger, Cory Monteith,and Robin Williams all went into rehab to cure one addiction or the other, only to end up succumbing to their addictions. So, what's the work or benefit of going into rehab? My dear, when you are depressed and there's none to to talk to or share your pain with, go to God. Humans might seem close, but are somehow far from one another. Each with his or her own challenges or battles. So, who do you seek, that will always be there for you, God. Have you ever noticed whenever you call on God in prayers, you feel relieved and assured. Not cos He has answered your prayers, but cos He has taken the burden off your shoulders..

Make wherever you are, your haven. You don't have to be in Lagos, Abuja, Port Harcourt, Calabar or London, to be happy and photogenic. Whether you are in a small town or in your village, be happy and let the world know you are. Most people only wait till when they are in the city, or at a shopping mall before snapping and posting their pics online. What about pics of you going to the farm in the village, breaking palm kennel nuts at the back of your house in the village, washing clothes at the stream, or cooking with firewood outside your grand mother's hut. Lets celebrate who we are and where we are, no matter what (stop being fake)...cos, tomorrow go better.

I quite agree with what aisha said. two wrongs cant make a right. and the home needs someone to manage it well. cos two cheating partners will never have time for their kids...it would only bring destruction upon the marriage.

I was discussing with a lady some time ago, when she said something that really shocked me. We were talking about why some men still cheat on their wives despite having it all. Imagine a man who has a beautiful and faithful wife, a happy home, a well paying job, lovely kids, and a successful business, and yet still go out to look for girls to sleep with. She felt such men should be given the same treatment. And that no woman should just sit at home and play the faithful wife, while her husband is out bedding every Jane, Anne, and Maria that comes his way. According to her, if your man is going out to catch some fun, that the wife should also dress up and go out to catch her own fun. Cos to her, both husband and wife are equal in a marriage. And that this is what she's going to do should her husband do such to her, when she's married. Can you imagine? This kind talk don pass women liberation. And I bet you no man would want to hear such talk or threat from any woman or have such a woman as a wife. You know, we have men who feel men are allowed to 'play' around, while its an abomination for women to do the same. But to me, cheating is not good for anybody. Imagine, how would you feel if your partner also cheat on you. I bet you, you wont like it. So, why do it to others? And 'do me, I do you' would only compound the situation. Two wrongs can never make a right. Lets be faithful!

Guys and their craze for sex. Girls should be mindful of guys they call friends. Any guy that's not related to you by blood, is capable of asking you for sex or sleeping with you. And girls should also mind the kind of favors they ask from guys. Cos, most guys don't do things for free. Just like what happened to a girl recently, who had to travel to another state to write her post UTME exam. Having being promised a place to spend the night by a male friend of hers, she had gone to write her exams without any worries. Only for the guy to take her to an hotel instead of the initial arrangement of taking her to his family house to spend the night. Guess, the guy did that on purpose so as to sleep with her.

She said after the guy told her there weren't space for her to sleep at his family house, they had to lodge together in an hotel. Only for the guy to start pestering her for sex in the night. And telling her to atleast compensate him for all the help he rendered to her (learnt he took her out for lunch, and also bought her some things after her exams). She said his actions that night really shocked the girl, and that she had to do all her best to resist the guy through out the night. And according to her, she didn't allow him to sleep with her. And that immediately daybreak came, she quickly left the hotel for the motor park and back to her base. She felt being just a friend, the guy wont ask her for sex, and that it wont do her any harm to sleep in the same room with the guy. Well, I guess she now know better. And whether they did it or not, its only them and God that knows what transpired between them behind closed doors. But to others and those working in the hotel, she and the guy lodged and slept together in the same room, till day break. Shikena!

Girls need to be very careful, and should stop taking unnecessary risks. Most guys like sex alot, and can do anything to sleep with any girl. As a girl, if you don't have a place to stay whenever you're going out of your base either for an interview or for an exam. Try and see if you could get someone to help you with a place to stay either with her female friend or a responsible relation in the town you're going to. But if you can't get such assistance, then try and hold extra cash to lodge in a safe hotel alone, for your own good. Don't accept any offer to stay with any so called sister or aunty introduced to you by a male friend, if the guy stays in the same town. Cos, its very possible for the guy to later sneak in to sleep with you or demand for sex, even with the full knowledge or assistance of his so called sister, cousin or aunty you're staying with. Atimes, they might not really be his real relatives, but friends who might be willing to assist him take advantage of you later.

Most guys can do anything or connive with others just to sleep with a girl. Most girls aren't that lucky. Especially when going to write Jamb, post UME, GCE or do interviews outside their base. Bad boys usually capitalize on such opportunities to 'chop' girls (take advantage of her), in the guise of helping her...Some girls have been raped or thrown out in the middle of the night for refusing to sleep with a guy. Girls need to be careful.

Getting married is like a 3 course meal. The wedding(ceremony) is usually the appetizer, the marriage is the real meal, while the divorce or wedding anniversary is like a dessert. All of this makes up a 3 course meal. And its how you prepare it, that determines the taste...

Biko, why is it that its only juice or wine they sell and drink at Tinsel's Ziggy's bar? Everytime, na so so juice Bimpe & co dey drink or sip each time they are at the bar. Pepper soup or even stick meat dem no get. How will they(Ziggy's bar) be able to sustain the place, boost patronage and also satisfy their customers by serving only juice?

Irreconcilable what? most divorce cases are usually related to financial differences. But none would want to admit it. Whenever you hear a couple, citing irreconcilable differences as their reason for divorce, look very well and you will discover it has to do with money. It's only a few that's as a result of domestic violence or infidelity. Most of them are caused by financial issues. Ask any divorce lawyer, and he or she will certainly confirm it (if they are sincere enough). Imagine asking a woman who's been so used to an extravagant lifestyle or wooed based on that before marrying her, to readjust or change her lifestyle due to economic reasons. She might accept at first or make an attempt to adapt. But
truth be told, many of such women would find it difficult to adapt. And before you know it, the couple would start having issues while making
references to their past or some trivia issues. From there, it might result into domestic violence or infidelity issue.

Problems in most marriages starts in sequence. And its only when the couple don't try to work things out quickly that's when you start
hearing irreconcilable differences. Tah! forget that story, cos is it now that each of them is discovering their differences or bad habits.
Didn't they date before saying I do. It's when the trivia issues are escalated that makes it a huge problem. So, couples should learn to
adjust, should there be need to. A man doing well or earning much today might experience a downturn or financial problem tomorrow. Which might require some readjustment from every member of his family. Foreign trips would be cut off, extravagant lifestyle would be thrown away, excessive spending would also be flush out, so as to enable the man of the house sustain the family on his savings or limited budget. Is just that, some women find it difficult to readjust when they've already gotten used to a particular lifestyle. Some due to what people would say or due to the enjoyment they'd no longer have access to. And as a result, you find them ' carrying' face almost all the time, complaining, picking quarrels with their husband or simply looking for a way out of the marriage. And before you know it, you start hearing accusations of domestic violence or infidelity.

It could also be the other way round, especially if the wife is earning more than her husband. Some men have ego, and ego sometimes is related
to complex. Some men don't like getting involved with ladies that earn more than them or that are more successful than them. Do you know why? Cos some women do allow their wealth or privileged status get to their heads most times. And such women tend to be rude or disrespectful to their husband occasionally. And most men can't tolerate it. This can also make a couple to break up, citing irreconcilable differences later.
(now you've seen that it has to do with money or status) But most troubled couples wont say so. Cos of pride and prejudice. On the side of
the woman, she wont want the world to know that she left her husband cos of money. So that it doesn't spoil her chances of remarrying or
finding another suitor to take home to her parents again. That's if she wants to. While on the part of the man, it also has to do with ego. Most
men wouldn't want the new woman/wife coming in, to think he's a stingy man or incapable of taking care of a woman, that was why his ex wife
left him. That's why some usually lie or use excuses such as infidelity, domestic violence or insubordination as their reason for divorce. But
if you dig very well, na money palavar. Everybody simply wants to look good before everybody.

But we really need to cut our coat according to our cloth. We really need to set a moderate/achievable standard in our homes, so as to avoid
having issues later. Most of the 21st century wives we have nowadays are not like the wives (our mothers) of those days. Who were quite
understanding, prudent and also loyal to the end. They knew how to manage whatever was given to them by their husband, and still be able
save some of it as well. Women need to be prudent, supportive, understanding and loyal to the end. If there is money, no good husband
would hide it from his wife. Marriage is for better for worse. But some have now amended it to be for better, yes. But for worse, you're on your
own. Which is not suppose to be so. Please, lets love for the sake of love.

Although revenge is a dish best served cold, but had to do what She did in order to win back the love of her boyfriend. never intented to have an intimate relationship with the other guy, but guys being what they are, had to give in to his demands. but everything she did, was done to save her relationship...

Its all about what if? We do have men who dont want their wives to work, rendering such women 'useless' at home. some men give their wives everything, and take away those things that could make her happy. like working, doing something rather than being idle or sitting at home. I believe all women should be allowed to aspire and also pursue their dreams.

Adijah and I dated for like a year. We met through a mutual friend. Things were rosy at the beginning, she was a lovable and sweet person. Felt she was the one, until she started misbehaving. Started lying and keeping things from me. She became uncaring and less affectionate towards me, and didn't care much about our relationship. And it wasn't long I later discovered she was also cheating on me. Did my best to make things work, but the more I tried, the more It kept going from bad to worse. I became sober, demoralized and started losing interest in the relationship. And it was during this period, I met someone else. Though she's not perfect but she's better than my ex. She's like a God sent. A special gift from above. I had to cut my ties with Adijah so as to concentrate more on my new found love with Adarable...My sunshine. Don't blame me for dumping my ex...her lies and cheating drove me into the arms of a better woman. You'd do the same if you were in my shoes. Find true love, find happiness...