₦airaland Forum

OGHENAOGIE:
stop reacting on hear say...i was born in the North grew there many things you hear are false... they didn't say they won't do English... Hausa ll be part of subjects too I did Hausa in school then...

No problem. It's people who visited north who are saying it

Doing Hausa language is not a bad thing at all

But the language of instruction and teaching should be English

kay29000:
Girl, I am bipolar, so you can't tell me about depression. Just admit that you are wrong instead of typing this long comment. OP's wife has some form of mental Illness, but she is not depressed.

Can you hear yourself? You have a diagnosis with a name, yet you dont want another person to have one. You have a treatable condition but somebody else must have an incurable madness from the Agbala shrine. Terrible

If you're bipolar then you should know that there are plenty of diagnostic criteria for assessing people with depression

If you have bipolar I, does it mean somebody else does not suffer from bipolar II? Are all the symptoms the same? If somebody used their own understanding of the term to judge your own illness, would you like it?

Who are you to say that people don't suffer from depression just because they don't fit your description?

I may be wrong and you may also be wrong. You don't know until you examine somebody in person and take a complete history what the person is suffering from

Don't project your own problems onto somebody else's issue just because you may not understand it and start making unnecessary insinuations , that's just my own.

Something that could be combated with a course of cognitive behavioural therapy or a talking therapy with a psychologist, you will be blowing grammar on it and scaring the OP over nothing

Why can't you come up with another name for what may be bothering her with logical reasoning and symptomatic basis instead of raising dust on somebody else's life?

wirinet:
Yes agreed that she can be depressed and narcissistic, it not the depression that causes someone to enjoy inflicting pain on others without remorse, that's narcissism.
Yes depression can happen to everyone and does to some extent affect everyone. I was very depressed in my teens, my remedy was to work harder, play harder and avoid idleness.
Laziness, idleness and lack of purpose in life is a strong recipe for depression.

Precisely. All these things can be managed if the person is given the appropriate help and makes a commitment to change their approach to every day life and its challenges.

My point was just that just because she is bad it doesnt mean she doesnt also suffer from her own emotional issues which need to be addressed

DeeMain:
She is a broken person that may also be depressed.

Depression is one of the symptoms she exhibits. Depression is not an 'all-join' condition.

The solution will start when the roots of what broke her is found.

Exactly.

Modified: kay29000 even before you replied to me, I wanted to remove this because it was too harsh

My annoyance was not particularly directed at you but at all the people in the thread that are quick to label the woman a "mental case" and dismiss a depressive diagnosis without knowing what the signs of depression are

Moreover I find it strange that you could suffer bipolar depression yourself and understand how destructive it can be but still be quick to label another person with an unknown mental problem

nel4k:
You really have a big issue here. I would advise or recommend you:

1. Find out who her friends are because they can really be an influence on her. (When this people sit and discuss eh, you go run). If you get the bad egg, tell him/her/them not to near your home again.
2. Have you tried discussing with her closest friend or family who she really respects?
3. About beating up minors and assistances; scare her by contracting someone to go to her shop and drop a letter of abuse from a fake NGO and if she continues, so sad, don't bring any assistant to your home again rather bring her own siblings and loved ones.
4. About cleaning and tidying up your house and taking care of the children, laundry would do and try increasing the children's uniforms.
5. Always ensure you teach your children how to respect people including your wife.
6. Avoid discussing your issues with just anybody who isn't fit to render good advice to you.
7. If the problem persists, have a family meeting with both parents present.

Before you got married to her please; what really makes her happy? What are her weaknesses? Is she a career person? and What is her family background like?

God bless you for this comment. Somebody finally said something practical instead of lamenting and projecting their emotions onto people they dont know

Thank you so much

wirinet:
Depression does not make someone violent. Depression does not make you maltreat other people's children, while pampering your own. She is a narcissist.

Threats will not work for her as she no send the husband. She has gone months without talking to him. She does not cook, wash his cloths or have sèx with him. She will use the children to blackmail him and squeeze every naira she can.

You can be depressed and narcissistic at the same time. You can be depressed and mean to other people's kids at the same time.

Depression doesnt only happen to "nice" people

If he still wants her he will have to treat both her Bleep up and her mental problem because she may still have some remaining

sassysure:
Let me be straight forward to you.
The guy is contradicting himself up and down.
First, she can't wash school uniforms, now, she love the kids with all her heart. So what does he want?
After beating her and apologising, how did he follow up so there will be no repetition? It ended in bed and everybody was happy.
U know your wife don't like your people, why are they still living with you?
Until she murder someone?
Must they live with people if that brings out the worst in her?

She don't have male friends, don't do extra marital affair.
So what is his problem?
She controls him, he is happy with that, as long as she continue having sex with her. He has been overlooking.
Because she is denying him, he now remembers she is a bad and vile woman and is looking for solution.
Something that has grown so deep with big branches.
Wish them luck.
He should come back after one yr to let us know how far the therapy and counselling helped so others will learn from it

I dont really see your point

She is good with the kids, at the same time she doesnt wash their uniform. Does washing uniform make you relate with your kids better She has bad habits which he is overlooking when he shouldnt be, fine. Does it mean she doesnt like her kids?

Yes, he hasnt actually confronted the issue, just from arguing to beating with no solution. Thats why I told him to be harder on her on these issues and stop letting her get away with things

I said that her beating was getting much, you scornfully asked me about my upbringing and said beating househelps to coma is "normal training" in Nigeria.

She has finished beating them to oblivion, you're now asking why do they live there in the first place. Which I already replied to you about and you didnt answer.

I said the woman finished the first 2 kids and he still brought more to live with them...he is part of the problem because he is not seeing the writing on the wall. Why do you quote me without reading what I said?

Yeah, he likes having sex with her, is it a crime? He has been manipulated and now his eyes have cleared. People do stupid things for love all the time...now that he wants to find a solution the way is open to him

I dont get why you are making inane comments on the issue without making any point. He has a wrong priority, yes...that doesnt mean he cant correct himself

guidelight:
You are right China has many indigenous languages and still choose one of theirs as official language. The key thing is indigenous language. I was opportune to live among Yobeans for one year as a Corps member. Yobe state alone has 44 indigenous languages. Majority of them are ethnic Kanuri. Yet they use Hausa as their lingual franca. They are not Hausa's. For a kid growing up there and learning Hausa is an achievement on its self in terms of ability to communicate. Coupled with fact that their government don't give much emphasis of educational growth, you don't expect kids from that side to measure up with their peers down south. I have been there and I understand why their pupils find it hard to score 5% where Southern kids score 99%. Its on this background that I support their indigenous language policy on education.

The lingua franca is Hausa language, great! Let them take Hausa as a compulsory subject and let them pass it very well. No problem. And if the child is smart enough, let him take a certificate in Kanuri language too. Wonderful.

Exactly! Their government doesnt give much emphasis on educational growth, and instead of them to correct themselves they went out of their way to be even more backward than usual

Tell me, do you go to school to learn what will be easy for you or what you actually need to know? If their students find it difficult to score, then their government should invest more resources into bringing them up to scratch with the rest of the country. Their students are not less intelligent than southerners.

If the state invests in producing teachers who are well-trained in speaking both English and Hausa, then in the next 10 years those children will snap out of it and get with the programme. If you have teachers who are clueless then what do you expect?

Why do all the elite families in Yobe speak perfect English? What happened to their own lingua franca? Why should enlightenment only happen to wealthy people? Why is "lingua franca" only for poor people?

Dont you think that if the next generation of children could understand simple English, they wouldnt be so quick to fall victim to extremist preachers and terrorism? If they saw that there was nothing to fear from learning it, couldnt it prevent a lot of atrocity in those areas?

So many of our past leaders were of Kanuri extraction yet their state wants their children to regress further into the past. What a shame

Instead of calling out an issue when we see it, we are busy encouraging the wrong thing because we are pitying people who need investment and empowerment and not insincere mercies and pampering

chinchum:
she WAS depressed ! She did not have any income, and wanted to start working. I can imply that she wanted income to be empowered for full scale misbehavior. The Op confirmed she became worst once the shop was opened for her. There is no cementing the cracks needed at this point, I feel a part of the relationship building has to be broken down for reconstruction if possible.

Lol.

Yeah, I dont know why she started acting like that after he opened the shop. Too bad

Yes, there needs to be some considerable upheaval if any of it is going to work

DenreleDave:
U r a leopard, u will never change.. Anyway I wunt exchange negative words with u.. I can see that u r the abusive type.... I'm sure u don't know what illiteracy means

You have been calling me names for the past half hour just because I gave my opinion on the topic, which I have the right to do. Now that somebody is giving you your own medicine back, you dont like it

What a spoilt brat you are. Better go and ask mummy to give you milk and biscuit

Next time dont quote what you dont understand

mistyebby:
You just admitted she is unstable.

You help mentally unstable people from a distance.

separation is the best bet now.

Of course, I have been saying she is unstable since. And I recommended separation as well, in my first comment on this thread.

which is why i told you to go back and read what I actually said instead of quoting me from nowhere and accusing me of what you dont know.

Supporting evil is not a playful statement, i hope you know that

mistyebby:
Likeminds....I know people twist the word evil to suit them.

E.g Op's wife thinks everyother person is evil asides her, so I get your pain

Truth is nobody will understand this your thought process. So dont bother defending it.

Its you who is a likemind to I dont know who

If you dont understand that both good and bad people can get ill, thats your own problem

So the people in psychiatric hospital, are they all nice people who have never committed a sin in their life?

She can be a bad person and ill at the same time

DenreleDave:
Hear ursef, does depression makes u treat ur won family well and treat others as trash... U shud think na.. Don't be too quick for ftc thereby typing nonsense.

How can depression make u despise ur husband family and outsider but u treat ur own family as gold... Stop it dear

You can be sick and do a good thing and be sick and still do a bad thing. You may be a bad person and on top of that, be acting somehow.

She's maltreating his family and he should call her to order, that doesnt mean she doesnt need help with the other part of her character

Its you who is typing nonsense. You dont want to read something and understand

Somebody is experiencing a marriage crisis but you cant give any kind of practical advice

You will just be quoting what you dont know and talking rubbish

DenreleDave:
U don't have any idea of what you are saying.. U r simply supporting that evil woman.

She is nice to her own family and kids but hate his husband family and other people's kids...

The husband, the wife, and you are supposed to be jailed.. I swear...

Obviously u don't av an idea of what depression means at all.

You dont know anything. What do those things have to do with depressive symptoms?

Its possible for a bad person to be ill, dont you know that?

Its not only nice people who get mentally ill

You can go to jail yourself, it seems like the place where you belong.

mistyebby:
. Since when did this depression start Pls stop supporting evil.

That woman isn't depressed! She doesn't even care about her kids from dirty uniforms to coming home late.

She is a self centered devil's agent

No need to quote me, you dont know what you are saying.

Go back and read the post I was replying to instead of jumping into my mentions over nothing

Its you who supports evil

DenreleDave:
Pls be attentive n listen to the lady, this isn't depression Okay.. Stop supporting an evil woman jarr

I am not supporting anything.

Do you know what depression is? Do you know all the symptoms?

Why dont you read the post like I have instead of quoting people unnecessarily because obviously you have no idea what you are saying.

OruExpress:
you're not making sense. I know you're trying but it's not working.
Your level of thinking isn't that high and i can tell you're either very young or haven't met anyone that's not Nigerian. Not that meeting others will make you smart but you will quickly realize this idiotic mentality of someone speaking one language at home and another language at school is peak ignorance. You don't even understand english. you know the words but you don't understand them. You think someone need to speak English to have 'international relations' but at the same time think the US has more 'relations' with English speaking Nigeria than it does Japanese speaking Japan or German speaking Germany.

Clearly, the governor of Yobe is smarter than you.

Lol

It seems like youre the one who has never travelled anywhere in his life. In all those wonderful countries you mentioned, people go home and speak whatever they like, I hope you know that? You can attend Saturday classes with people from your country and learn how to read and write the whole thing without ever expecting anything from your school. In fact you can write an exam and get a certificate for your own native language that will count towards your university and job applications. But everyone speaks the same language in schools and official institutions.

Some of those Somali, Chinese and Arab kids even arrive in primary 5 as immigrants and cannot speak even 1 word of English but grow up to be great engineers and doctors. So they should just be speaking Arabic and using a translator because thats the language they grab? You are confused.

Having a bad culture around education will not be eradicated by communicating with people in local languages. in fact it will just get worse if care is not taken

You must be so proud of yourself, you cant have a conversation with somebody without it degenerating into insults. Do you know me or who I have met? No. And I dont know you either.

But as a typically ignorant, backward and complex-ridden person you would rather insult the person who doesnt agree with you just to save face than state your case in a civilised manner. The so-called "Enlightened One" who advocates for "speaking in a language one understands" cannot understand another person. O gbara m ghari

Maybe you should pledge to communicate in your local language and give up speaking English altogether so that everyone will know how "progressive" you are.

OruExpress:
Lets look at the UK. Your colonial 'master' that convinced you if you speak english you will get food.
out of 10 countries, 2 speak english. So why is the UK not interested in trading with, doing business with, visiting, or connecting to you that speaks 'the queens english' and instead looking at Beligum?

These are the poorest countries in the world. Look at the languages they speak
Burundi (GNI per capita: $770) French
The Democratic Republic of the Congo (GNI per capita: $870) French
Niger (GNI per capita: $990) French
Malawi (GNI per capita: $1,180) English
Mozambique (GNI per capita: $1,200) Portugese
Sierra Leone (GNI per capita: $1,480) English
Madagascar (GNI per capita: $1,510) English
Comoros (GNI per capita: $1,570) French


With your level of thinking being the national average, how do you expect this Nigeria of a country to even have stable light? If you can't process ordinary 'talk to and teach people in the language they understand', how will someone with your level in thinking be able to boil ordinary rice, talk-less of understand electricity.

Why cant you process simple "anybody can speak any language if they are taught properly"? Why??

What has English got to do with it? Everybody in Belgium speaks French even though they have other minor languages. This is how they educate themselves even if they speak other languages in their spare time.

Why cant you get such a simple fact into your brain

Nigeria will not have stable light until people like you stop embracing iniquity and hold people to the same standards.

I mean just take a look at yourself, you cant even go 2 paragraphs without spewing curses. Why? Because you cant handle somebody else's argument.

The problem with Nigeria is backward and uncivilised attitudes to learning and not speaking to people in their local language.

Will speaking local languages prevent exam expos, bad treatment from lecturers, publication of nonsensical textbooks, embezzlement of funds meant for research and teaching strikes that can go on for months?

OruExpress:
Speaking Hausa to a man that speaks Hausa is babying him? lol
From you logic, I know you have never met anyone but a Nigerian, so what value has English brought you. You're so concerned with being useful in the world without showing how you're useful at home.

How many people speak Korean? Is your life comparable to a person in Korea? How much decent English do you think it took a Korean to build Samsung?

Do you think an English speaking American is going to English speaking Nigeria to do business over Japanese speaking Japan and Chinese speaking China?

This is America's top trade partners. These are the people that english speak America chooses to engage and do business with. Out of 15, 3 speak English. So if an English speaking American bypasses english speaking Nigeria and goes to Vietnamese speaking Vietnam to purchase their goods, what value is your English? Since you equate human value with the ability to speak to other English speakers, what is your value if they are choosing Brazil over you?

LOL

Speaking Hausa to an Hausa guy is all well and good, but assuming that thats all he understand is codswallop! There is nothing stopping him from speaking the same language as everybody else. Stop pampering millions of able-bodied, able-minded people who are just as capable of having this conversation as we are. What are you protecting them from? Do Hausa-English dictionaries have teeth? Do they bite people?

You're just going around in circles. Korea's national language is Korean and even the Chinese people who live there have to learn it. Do we all speak Hausa?

And they still learn English at school, so you still dont have any point!

Yeah! Donald Trump will keep going to all those countries until we bring our educational system up to scratch and start investing in research and innovation instead of making lame excuses about how Nigerian man cannot comprehend "chemistry". Chinese speaking China has hundreds of ethnic groups which are unified under a single standard language and thats how they relate with one another. If all the regions decided to be doing their own, you would have seen the result

Since you equate Nigerian citizen value with not being able to understand anything beyond his nose, what is your own value when children who pass through decades of education write pieces that do not contain one correct sentence? We should just leave them like that so they can feel better?

Or so you can feel better?

chinchum:
Your second post on this thread validates my fears, to those citing depression as her reason for misbehavior, Op's second post proves it was not really an issue of depression but wickedness and lack of care for "OP". It seems Op worships her feet. What you PERMIT, PERSIST.

He wrote in his original post that she was depressed.

But i agree that OP needs to be firm with her

OruExpress:
you're asking him what's the problem because he wants people to learn in the language they understand. What is your own problem? Do you live in Yobe? Do the people in Yobe care about your life?

What language they understand? Whats wrong with them that they cant understand a language millions of people worldwide understand?

I am sure the good people of Yobe state are very intelligent, we dont need to patronise or baby them

They should invest in their teachers to be able to teach in decent English instead of this trash they are doing

If you cannot speak English, can you be a governor So why would you want other people to be speaking Hausa while you spoke English and rose to the zenith of your life? Is it not the height of wickedness?

OruExpress:
lol what are you trying to communicate? Honestly.
What are you trying to say? If everyone in your life speaks Hausa, and you speak Hausa, and you think in Hausa, and you understand Hausa you should learn in Hausa.

This is why Nigeria produces 5000 engineers a year and nobody can dig an ordinary drainage. In the end of the day the words entering your head (in english) are alien and intimidating to you and you memorizing them doesn't mean your comprehending anything. Comprehension. The person of learning is comprehension. To comprehend. So long as you comprehend you're ok. If someone tells you 'Rubber comes from Rubber Trees' in Hausa, will you die? When it's time to find rubber you'll know where it is.

Compared to the person that speaks Igbo but doesn't know Okwe and Rubber Tree is the same thing. He will first have to learn how to say the name of an ordinary tree in a foreign language, then (hopefully) go look for it. Do you know what the average Nigerian thinks chemistry is? Words. Just words to memorize. No comprehension. No understanding of what those words mean and how available they are to them and how much they can improve their life and the life of others with these very common ordinary elements.

Did you know that the process of refining oil is the exact same process as cooking? but because you're hearing 'refining' you think it's something that only happens in the UK like a useless fool. And look at the result. This is why Hausa people are running you. They speak the language they understand and aren't performing for anyone. While you're mastering English they're mastering you. Leave them to continue making smart decisions.

The rest of the world has moved of from the English = food mentality. If someone learns to do surgery in Hausa, what is the problem? Or should this non-english speaker learn english, then learn hausa and be behind the person that speaks japanese and learns in japanese? How many people have been told what's wrong with them in a hospital and walked out understanding what they just heard in this Nigeria? Did you know that Pepto-Bismol is Nzu (Igbo)? No. But you will spend your last dollar on Pepto while Nzu is at home because you don't COMPREHEND what that medicine is.


National language nko. So when Buhari says Hausa is the new national lanugage, that's when it will make sense to learn how to fix a car using the language you understand?

The people learning the same thing in Korean, Russian, Tamil, Manduran, and Arabic haven't died. it's the person that wants to learn in Hausa.

If everyone in your life speaks Hausa but you have the misfortune of being born into an imperialist contraption in which hundreds of other languages are spoken and everybody is bound by English, then you speak English! What does thinking in Hausa have to do with anything? So everybody else who likes dreaming in their language, are they stupid

The reason Nigeria produces incompetent engineers is that of a failing educational system and sadistic lecturers who force them to buy pages and pages of jargon-filled handouts without any practical study. It has nothing to do with "intimidation" and if you are "intimidated" by your own national language, thats your problem.

Imagine your own language being "alien" to you. Is it not the engineering terms that will be "alien" if your university is a glorified test-centre with avaricious academic staff puffing their chests up and down? If they like, let them write the handout in Martian, it will still not make any sense if the teaching is of a low standard

Come on! it is in the nature of children to be able to speak two languages as long as they are taught well. Stop acting like we are suddenly too stupid to do what millions of people do around the world. If somebody cannot comprehend an idea, cant we teach them? Must you stay in darkness and unenlightenment forever? If somebody doesnt know what Okwe means, will they die when they eventually find out?

Cooking = refining oil, wonderful. Thank you for teaching me a new fact, I am the better for it. i have understood something today.

You see? thats how a civilised human being reacts to information that he hasnt heard before. Not to go scurrying into a corner like a confused antelope because its not in his native tongue. Please be travelling all over the world with your native tongue, refuse to "comprehend" anything new because its not in your language and come back here to tell the story

The fact that Nzu=Pepto-Bismol should be explained to the patient. If a doctor feels like intimidating somebody with grammar then he is not honouring the solumn oath he swore. It has nothing to do with speaking English. English is not an intimidation, a bullying tactic, an inconvenience or a complication. Its a neutral entity which you are attaching so much meaning to over nothing. I mean, what are you actually trying to say? Stop breeding inferiority complex my friend

This is not about the rest of the world, Japanese Chinese whatever. This is about discipline and intranational relations. They cant just do whatever they feel like. We are in a federation. Why cant they read the same thing we are all reading?? Japanese people learn Japanese at school and Nigerians learn English at school. If the Hausa doctor is behind its because he was not taught properly; thats where they should invest more money.

If one is smart enough to be a doctor, why cant he read and understand simple academic materials

They can have a guide in their language if it makes it easier but the language of instruction should be English, end of story.

anayolity:
Dearie a violent person becomes more violent when depressed.... I know that very well!!!

That may be the case, but everybody in this country is violent

Flogging a child may graduate to beating them to a pulp when depressed, so it means you are trying to say that we should get her down to an "acceptable" level of violence

Your point can only make sense in a country where people totally avoid violence

Guest007:
We are watching from high places

Lol yes oh

[quote author= post=83379753]You are so on point sis.
Have a nice night and sweet dreams.
[/quote]and you too dear

MountainView:
I don't wish to be seen as a pessimist, but, I think the world has come to that point where we have to face reality, poverty is real, and the thing is, it doesn't seem to be going away anytime soon, it's nobody's fault that our mind keep wondering how we got to the point we are now, that we can't even afford the necessities of life.

Nobody was born with negative thoughts

It's the harsh realities of life.

I'm looking for an investor for my Tech start-up

You make an interesting point

But then isnt it more about being positive about these realities and about our abilities to find solutions to those problems?

Being positive about something doesnt necessarily mean being unrealistic, it might just mean opening your mind up to new and unexplored possibilities and not accepting things as they are

Wondering how we got to the point we are at now is not necessarily bad, it depends on how you act on those musings

I feel that this post was more about seeing problems as opportunities to improve rather than setbacks

[quote author= post=83378427]#PositiveVibesOnly.

Bad energy.......STAY FAR AWAY........

You can say that again.[/quote]Lol yes. A good way to end the day instead of the usual violence and bloodshed

Guest007:
This one pass love or you really see a happy ending

You're refreshing sis... It's been a pleasure chatting with ya.

We'll derail if we continue oooo

Lol e pass love but him love pass too... the guy has already tolerated so much so it means he is ready to go through more for a solution. Plenty of men would have driven her out a very long time ago. I believe it can work if he tackles it strategically.

Thank you dear, and you too

Lol you call this derailing? The thread just hit FP....we go see real madness this night