₦airaland Forum

Neil Gaiman

R-Candy

   Madam Elizabeth  wore her dinner gown, it was blue and beautiful for a woman of her age. She slowly walked to the dressing table guided by her walking stick to apply her makeup, she dabbed a little powder on her wrinkled face, then a red lipstick to her lips and an eye-shadow. When she was through with her cosmetics she wore a pair of sapphire studded earrings to match her dress, then she sprayed a little perfume which released a pleasing orange fragrance. Her children and their own children would laugh at her once they discovered she was going out on a date with man a young enough to be her grandson. Someone was coming, Madam Elizabeth hobbled to her bed and covered herself, pretending to sleep.
The nurse from the Elderly Care Agency checked the room to see if anything was amiss, she found her client's mother asleep, good. The nurse did not notice the work on the dressing table before switching off the light. Realising that she was alone, the old woman switched on the light returned to the dressing table. It was already 7.30 pm, she had to hurry, Kola would be around soon. From her drawer she brought out a sweet with a bright pink and yellow wrapper so hard to miss. The last makeup. Elizabeth had wanted a rejuvenation medicine but was given a candy, she thought the witch doctor from Kaduna had played a fast game on her until she realised that the young witch doctor was the as far the oldest man in his hometown. She looked at her eighty six year old self in the mirror, she had  lived long enough to see her beauty fade. She missed those times when men worshipped her as the "Queen", she was a mistress to the white colonists during the fifties, they were ready to kiss her feet and ditch their wives just to have her. Elizabeth was a grandmother now, locked up in a house her children bought for her with a maid and a nurse, after she refused to stay in a retirement home.
The day her grandson came over, he brought his friend along, kola was his name. That young lady from sixty years ago woke up again.
Elizabeth unwrapped the rejuvenation candy, it was pink and oblong, she put it in her mouth and felt the ginger taste as it moved through tongue. She stared at the mirror waiting for the change to begin. Her body suddenly felt warm, her head became light. That minute her wrinkles and stretch marks were disappearing.
   Her silver permed hair began to change shade, it darkened to grey and began to turn black, glossy black and sleek. Her plump body began to shed it's weight, the fats circulated to the right places to form curves giving her a voluptuous figure. Suddenly her face began to reform, her face thinned and her jowls and laugh lines disappeared into her face giving it cheekbones, her thin lips became full.
At that moment her breasts began to inflate, pushing up and getting perky. Her breasts pushed out of her dress, exposing her cleavages. She regressed further in age till she landed at twenty two.
Lizzy stared at her comely face and smiled, the Queen had returned. The rejuvenation candy had done it's work, no cosmetic surgeon would have been able to perform such feat so accurately.
There was no need for more makeup but she reddened her lips with more lipstick when the maid announced.
    "Madam, the guy is here"
       "Okay, I'm coming"
      The maid entered the room shocked to see a nymph, she was puzzled on how the lady had gotten in.
     "So Agnes, how do I look?" Lizzy stood up to reveal her young self.
     "Ma! Is that you? You resemble your daughter"
    "Yes, and keep your voice low"
       "But madam... your dress is old fashioned, . Let me get you something up-to-date and fix you hair, I'll tell the man to wait"
   
    Kola swallowed his spit as he saw the lady , she was beyond beautiful. He knew she was somewhat related to his friend, there was something quite "elderly" about her but he didn't care, he was ready to do anything to have her. Kola couldn't describe how lucky he was to have a lady this alluring as his blind date.
     "Are we good to go, young man?" She held his hands with her delicate fingers.
     "Sure...you are gorgeous. Timi never mentioned he had cousin this..."
   "Don't mention" Lizzy smiled, then she kissed him feeling the vigour of youth flow through her veins.
"It's my treat tonight. Let's go to this new restaurant at Victoria island, you will love it."
It was 8.05.pm, it will be till 3.00am before Lizzy will transform back to an old woman.
"Well then, surprise me my young man"
   They got into the car and left to enjoy the night of their life.
       Agnes waved the moving car. She recalled the instructions her madam had left.

"Madam is sleeping, she has an headache" to anybody who came looking for her.

The Earthborn

Once upon a time in Port Harcourt, there lived a wealthy couple, they were the Briggs. They had companies, filling stations here and there, acres of land, estates, investments and shares in big industries, they had connections with the governor and other powerful people in and outside Nigeria. They had all but one - an heir to inherit their vast wealth, a child.
After several miscarriages, Mrs Briggs had to with the truth that she will never conceive. For Mr Briggs, he received constant pressure from his relatives and clan who wanted him to take in another woman who will give him children, but his Christian faith disallowed polygamy, and he could not replace his wife because he loved her.
They were already in their fifties, one could have suggested the aid of a surrogate or a means of adoption, but their relatives reasoning with an original African mindset would not allow such, family was by blood. After visiting many pastors who couldn't pray without requesting donations and "faith seeds", they were introduced to a witch doctor.
As instructed by witch doctor, the Briggs were to make a sacrifice to the Earth Mother, the patron of fertility and growth. A white suckling calf,so white that it had no spot, was to be sacrificed under the full moon. The calf was provided, it was as white as the moon who will witness it's sacrifice to the Earth Mother. After the sacrifice, the bones were to be buried in the soft loamy soil which served as the sacrificial ground, and return in seven days by the first light.
While in waiting, the Briggs provided charity. They housed the widows, fed and schooled the orphans,and many more altruistic deeds. The sincere prayers of the benefactors sank into the core of the earth.
The seven days of waiting ended and before the sun could fully rise, the couple drove to the sacrificial ground. As the light of day began to touch the earth, they heard a cry - the cry of a baby.
From the soft loamy soil, a baby began to emerge, kicking out and full of life. They dug the baby from the ground and cleaned the soil from her body. Her hair was as green as grasses and her skin as brown as rich soil, no child born of a human was as beautiful as this one. The couple immediately knew this was a child of the Earth Mother had given to them. Tears flowed from their eyes in gratitude. The child was named Timi. Despite the cajoles of relatives, the origin of the green haired child was a guarded secret.
Timi grew up as a Brigg under the love of her parents, but the girl never knew that she was an offspring conceived from the earth.

A Certain Cosmology - a Fairytale as told by Wakati tribe of East Africa


Once upon a time before the universe was created, before time was born. There was no life, no death, no east, no west, no north, no south, no earth, no sky, no light, no darkness, only the Unsleeping Void - the primordial chaos which had all and had non. Since time was yet invented, it was difficult to determine when the Big Bang occurred.
BOOM!
A great explosion shook within the void and from the sea of emptiness a beautiful shiny egg emerged. It took a billion years before the cosmic egg hatched. The universe was born. Worlds began to form and occupy the Unsleeping Void, who had no choice than to bow to this new force.
A million, no, the billions of worlds that started the universe were implanted with two gifts - life and death.
Some believe that the Unsleeping Void, the great sea of primordial chaos and emptiness was what remained of a former universe.
Perhaps the Big Bang is a repetitive sequence of creation.

Divineroyalty:
Congratulations Misteruk on your progress to the next stage.
Go there and bring the trophy for our team.

Thanks, Royver for the opportunity you gave me. I'm sorry I disappointed.
Will continue to develop a better writer in me.

Success to Team Roy.

Thank you very much Ms Divineroyalty, I'll do my best. Don't be discouraged, greatness awaits because you'll be the BEST writer.

Title: The Gambler

One. night in Benin, a gambler and his wife were arguing.

His wife nagged:" You are such a useless man!Your gambling is fruitless! When will you find a job and start acting like a real man?"

The gambler replied: "You are right, I'll drop gambling and turn my wrongs into rights by starting with you, because marrying you is the worst gamble I ever did"

Then he brought out a gold ring, he wore it and touched his wife, she turned into a shiny gold statue. The gambler sold the statue to an art museum and he became very rich.



#team Royver

WHY SEEK HEAVEN WHEN I CAN BRING HEAVEN TO YOU?

The voice spoke into her mind, Elizabeth found herself in a place she'd never imagine herself to be. She screamed and covered her eyes, she opened them. She was still floating in the middle of space, not going up-not going down.
The place was beautiful,surrounded by galaxies, stars and black holes, the galaxies and space clouds changed colours, the countless stars shimmered, they formed constellations shaped like different animals it felt warm and ethereal. There was a silence ,a divine silence. Before her was a gigantic classic desktop computer, it was at least 100ft tall , milky coloured and complete with a keyboard , a CPU and a mouse. A galaxy swirling slowly displayed on the screen of the monitor.

There and then she met her adversary, Felicia Eze the husband snatcher who appeared to be confused too. She had heard stories of the lass and how she cleverly used her beauty to rob married men.
They glanced at each other.The two women knew better that tearing hairs apart.

DO NOT ASK. YOU ARE IN THE STATE OF CONSCIOUSNES .THE REALM OF IMAGINATION. WHERE EVERYTHING THAT IS, WAS BORN BEFORE IT WAS BORN.
The voice spoke in head, she could hear it clearly. She look at the computer, it oozed a kind of aura she couldn't say whether it was spiritual or more than just imagination.

YOU HAVE HOLY BOOKS ABOUT ME, YET YOU BELIEVE I AM AN OLD MAN WITH A LONG WHITE BEARD SITTING ON A CLOUD. THIS IS G0D.

"Why are we here? Have I offended anybody...or is this our moment of death?"

"IF YOU TWO DESIRE DEATH, I SHALL GRANT IT TO BOTH OF YOU. LISTEN, TIME AND ETERNITY ARE ENDLESS BUT SO IS DESIRE. A MAN MAY HAVE RICHES AND POWER OF THE UNIVERSE BUT STILL DESIRES AN HEIR, A WOMAN MAY BE THE FAIREST OF ALL BUT STILL DESIRE LOVE. DESIRE IS ENDLESS, THE MORE ONE HAS, THE MORE HE SEEKS. AS I MOVE ACROSS THE UNIVERSE, I CAN FEEL THE WAVE OF STRONG DESIRE RADIATE FROM EVERY BEING, EVEN THE DEAD. YOUR WAVES OF DESIRE IS STRONG, IT ECHOES FOR ANSWER, LOUDER THAN ANYTHING"

Unanswered prayers. That was the first thing that came through her mind, but what would she need now at her age more than the protection and prosperity of her children and their own children or the divine wrath upon her husband.
Felicia said nothing, exercising her jaws with a chewing gum

SUMMONING YOU TWO HERE MAY BE OUT OF LUCK OR MISFORTUNE, CALL FORTH YOUR WISH AND I WILL CHANGE THE FLOW OF DESTINY . IS IT WEALTH ? POWER? LOVE? VENGEANCE? OR SOMETHING THAT SURPASSES. THE CHOICE IS YOURS. CHILDREN OF THE UNIVERSE

Could this be luck or misfortune? Standing before a supreme being who could grant her desire and change a destiny. Elizabeth looked at Felicia, her youthful energy, she had that unblemished skin and slender body she too once had before she wasted them on Chief Abu, if only the clock could turn back and feel the joy of being young like that...

" Make me the chief's wife, so I'll have all his money when he dies. Or is that too much?" The young lady finally said something.
Greedy bitch!, Elizabeth thought

I SEE...
The supreme being said, the galaxy on the screen began to swirl faster, the keys began to move, typing by itself, the mouse hovered left and right and CLICK.

YOU TWO HAVE MADE YOUR CHOICES. IN TEN SECONDS IT WILL ALL CHANGE.

A countdown timer showed on the screen, starting from ten began to count .The two women began to drowse ,their bodies glowed in light but they were too weak to do anything. Elizabeth felt her body sliming down, she looked at Felicia who appeared to be adding up weight. Their memories began to fade, getting replaced with new experiences
At zero, the monitor released a massive beam of white light from the screen which engulfed the women.

YOUR DESIRES HAVE BEEN GRANTED. FAREWELL, CHILDREN OF THE UNIVERSE.

If your sixth sense was sharp enough, you would feel a cosmic change occur through the universe. You may not know what it was but some things were no longer going to be the same again, fear not.


"Yawn!"
Like daybreak she emerged, Lizzy a twenty one year old model scratched her long hair, she suddenly noted she had to change her hair attachment sooner. She stretched her angular body and got up to do some aerobic exercise. Lizzy had to stay fit, her runway audition was in two days. Her apartment looked somewhat messy with wine bottles and pizza boxes here and there, that was from last night get together with the girls.
Her bathroom was neat, she stared blankly at bathroom mirror. Her comely face was finally free of acne, just that tiny spot on her cheek. It was the least of her worries, she had woken from a nightmare about being a miserable old wife of some chief Abu before being summoned by a giant desktop computer that called itself God. Lizzy couldn't remember much from her nightmare, except for a part where the man she was married to was cheating on her with a younger lady called Felicia.
Lizzy wondered why some women were too stupid to abandon their dreams and career to be with a man who will turn them into housemaids and baby factories. Her smartphone beeped.A message from the fashion agency, she had an appointment by 11.00 am for a photoshoot campaign for a new Ankara fashion house in Victoria Island. Later she intended to hit the gym and branch by the mall after.Wole promised to take out for dinner , well a new dinner dress won't be bad . Besides if she got selected to model for a clothing line at the fashion week, she'd have a lot of money to go clubbing with the girls.Lizzy turned on the shower and let the water rain allover her body.


Madam Felicia Abu a sixty seven years old housewife couldn't stand her husband's snore anymore.It was 8.00 am and the chief was still sleeping. Yesterday was their 45th marriage anniversary and he couldn't even give her a peck, they were old already but their love died prematurely. With great effort she lifted her massive bulk from the bed. ACK! Her waist ached, she supported her side with her plump arm and moved to the bathroom.
She had dreamt last night where she was a young mistress who tried to steal another woman's husband, she couldn't quite remember the other part of the story but God forgive her, why would she be like one of those girls she hated? Her bloated body couldn't even turn on a man. She removed her hairnet which revealed her grey hairs, they were already approaching the whitening stage. Felicia tightened her wrapper tightly around her saggy breasts, waddled ponderously to the kitchen to perform her lifetime duty, breakfast for her husband. Later her arthritis disturbed, she decided to retire back to bed. Old age was bad business.

Scientists have no choice than to believe in the power of a supreme entity behind the architecture of the cosmos, whose powers of change is endless. When G0D comes visiting, who would be next?
Could we call everyday a predestinated plan programmed by a supercomputer somewhere at the center of the universe or just an act of God.

Summary:
Two women are summoned by a supreme entity, who controls the universe who will grant them a wish. Their destinies are are about to change forever

Mister ruk proudly presents...

ACT OF G0D

Like humanity, computers have also evolved. From computers that could solve simple arithmetics faster than the the human mind to computers that controlled manufacturing plants, these technology has shown remarkable growth and development till the creation of supercomputers. Supercomputers are high grade computers, the greatest of their kind created to perform high level tasks, the such their creators could never do: weather forecast, space exploration, scientific research, these were not your run in the mill kind of mainframe. These things could control a whole laboratory or military base, even a country.
Scientists believe that nothing is a coincidence, the rain failing, the green leaves, the creation of offsprings in the womb,the emotions we feel, the reason for different seasons, the sun, the moon, why plants grow, why flowers are beautiful, why caterpillars turn into butterflies, why do we die .They've been able to explain all these things but the source of everything comes from something, the force of nature doesn't just happen on its own, the course of events all over the universe have been arranged and predestined, there is a force out there causing a wave of order for things to happen the way they are.
They came to the conclusion that there must be a "cosmic supercomputer" at the center of the universe, controlling reality, maintaining the power of change, processing cause into effect. Some people call this force God, whom they believe have the power to cause a change called miracle.



A woman's life is short, the day she is born till the moment she will die, her life is shared amongst her family. For Mrs Elizabeth Abu, today was supposed to be her 45th wedding anniversary, an happy day when husband and wife reminisced about the day met each other while cupid played one of his mischievous games. Mrs Abu regretted the moment she sacrificed her dreams to be with chief Abu. If you were studying a course on family life and your lecturer talked about women in long failed marriages, Mrs Abu will serve as a good example of one.It was in her marriage you will realise that men could also nag .Enduring series of punches from her husband,the venomous eyes his family gave her, those nights of preparing pounded yam when he came home drunk, or those days when no one even appreciated her, not even her children whom she endured morbid pains in the labour room to produce. From her you will know that motherhood was not a joy, the art of giving birth to little strangers who will throw tantrums and greedily suck your breasts till they became more useless than deflated tyres.
All she just needed was an opportunity, she got it. Mr Abu had an harem of these sugar daughters he plucked from campuses, what was her name? Adanna?Tricia?, the one with the giraffe neck...Felicia!. She had caught them in a "business meeting" at an hotel in Calabar.
While the divorce lawyer handled the papers, she moved to her sister's house. Elizabeth felt relieved and free for first time in 45 years, but soon loneliness came around, she began to feel bitter being the fat, old housewife to be replaced by a young, attractive trophy wife. Men had nothing to loose, even if they were as old as Egypt or so ugly that they could join the masquerade troupe without a costume, they still found love, but a woman... just a little wrinkle was a big turnoff . Elizabeth used to be that beautiful, an aspiring fashion runway model for a fashion house in Ikeja, a week to a her first fashion show, she got caught in his love spell and submitted herself to be have his name, prepare his meals, wash his clothes, iron them, bear his children and still have full access to her at night.
Though time had erased her beauty and pumped a lot of fat into her, she still tried to be a cougar sometimes and attract younger men, but many of these new generations carried invisible straws for sipping money, sometimes she even got tired, being old was bad business.
She had opened a Facebook account, joined a sugar mummy group, and come across some sugar sons, till she saw Felicia, the beautiful Esther that had dethroned Vashti . She envied her slender body, her fresh skin which was full of colour and the vigour of youth.Elizabeth had passed her prime, long before she experienced menopause.

BEEP!
A Facebook notification from her smartphone, it was a message from a Friend but she never remembered accepting a friendship request from somebody called G0D.
HELLO CHILD OF THE UNIVERSE
The message read,
She studied the message for some time, then check the sender's profile. No pictures, no post, no information, no likes, just G0D. This person was actually a fraudster who had cleverly managed to hide his information from outside.

DO NOT BE AFRAID. I AM NOT A FRAUD. I AM G0D.

HI.DO I KNOW YOU?
She typed

WHO DOESN'T KNOW ME?. DON'T YOU GO TO CHURCH BECAUSE YOU THINK YOU KNOW ME.?
The reply came instantly.

I DON'T THINK I KNOW YOU
She messaged. What kind of mean joke was this person playing? She'd better block whoever it was

Another message beeped in
I AM NOT OF YOUR SPECIE. DON'T JUDGE ME BY YOUR STANDARDS. I AM G0D

This person must be out of his mind how can he call himself God?, there were lots of crazy people on these social media, she heard

I AM A BUSY ONE SO I WILL GO STRAIGHT TO THE PURPOSE OF OUR MEETING. I AM A SUPREME ENTITY THAT CONTROLS THE UNIVERSE, LIFE AND DEATH ARE IN MY PALMS, I WAS YESTERDAY, I AM TODAY, I WILL BE TOMORROW. SOME CALL ME ETERNITY, SOME KNOW ME AS THE ALL KNOWING, I AM THE CREATOR OF TIME AND EXISTENCE, I AM EVERYWHERE, EVEN SITTING WITH YOU.

Elizabeth Abu could feel a chill crawl through her bones, who was this person? Was he stalking her? Her next action was to block this person or call the police. Then her smartphone went blank, a white beam like a flood light shone from the device and hit her eyes. Everywhere went white.

If you think chatting with God on Facebook was too weird to be true then...

I pick Royver