₦airaland Forum

afam4eva: I'm waiting for the day your husband will ask to open it and you'll refuse...

I will indeed refuse because an anus is an exit functioning organ. I do have a toto you know.

Kobojunkie: I like I said before I don't share your delusion that being INQUISITIVE means one is INSECURE. And I certainly do not need to SNOOP around a phone I consider MINE as swell. Also, since my spouses life is technically mine since we are ONE, I don't have a problem updating myself on what is going on with my other half so I can be more informed and a better partner to my other half.

Keep denying the truth....it will still be here tomorrow.

Keep snooping! May whatever you find haunt and destroy you for the rest of your life AMEN.

You shall get what you are looking for.....one last thing...if you have to snoop to communicate with your wife.... that's trouble.

freecocoa: I'm already sharing a boat with someone honey.

Becareful....he likes opening anuses!

ferdiii: Why deleting?..............story.

Exactly! If she has nothing to hide...why delete the messages?? Show it to her spouse since she doesn't have shit to hide

People tell on themselves all the time on Nairaland!

Kobojunkie: um . . of course that post of yours equating the two is facebook worthy( Just that I don't do facebook or any of the lot), but it does speak a lot of what you are dealing with, not me.

I don't have a spouse that is snooping through my phone like YOU. You are the mad cos you are inquisitive through someone's phone.

But I am dealing with something because I don't snoop through people's phones?!!!! Vapid!

Yes...your comments are Facebook worthy!

Kobojunkie: All you have been doing so far is project your own delusions. . .

I mean INSECURE === INQUISITIVE? Really??

Sure if you say so...it still doesn't change anything....fact. This is Facebook worthy!

Don't have a heart attack boo boo.

afam4eva: Don't run yourself over. It's kinda metaphoric.

What is even wrong with opening your a*nus as my wife sef...You're lucky you're not married to me.

Bite me Afam4eva!

Ujujoan: Maybe you need to look up the word 'snooping'!

Maybe you need to look up delusions. You are the one saying you go through people's phones without knowing you do and without their consent.

afam4eva: Where did i mention anything about intercourse? I was just using it to paint a picture of what a marriage should be. You should be as free as a wind with your spouse.

Then you need use better analogy because this one sucks!

Why the Bleep would my husband open my gotdamn anus for The anus is the nastiest part of the body why the Bleep would he want to open it? To look at it? To sniff it? To see if it is clean?

Keep playing stup!di if you want to.

Ujujoan: Maybe you are talking about snooping . . . . I'm not!

You are right....you absentmindedly goes through people's phones without consent!

millionairemind: With permission, yes she can!

Thank you.

afam4eva: The point is that you as a spouse should not make a concerted effort to hide anything from your spouse because it might come back to hunt you. If he chooses not to read your messages then it's his choice but you should know that he reserves the full rights to open your A*nus. Yeah, he's your husband and you bargained for it when you said "I DO".

Excuse me? Did I say that I wouldn't tell him of bullshit texts sent from haters Are you flashbacking from personal experiences that you are confusing me with someone's else

If someone is threatening our marriage...he will be first to know but we are talking about snooping without consent. Stay focus. I know it hard for you.

Now the anus part....he doesn't have the right to open my anus because that isn't a place for intercourse. That's your thing but not ours.

Kobojunkie: OH, I totally agree !!!

Duh.

afam4eva: There's no such thing as mutual respect in marriage. That is left for one night stand and business partner.

Wrong...there are respect in marriages.

Do you think my husband and I would continue to be married if we disrespect each other on a daily basis


Please tell me you are joking.....

afam4eva: You're right that anybody could send a mischievous messsage to your phone. That's why you should discuss it with your spouse. Hiding it will only make matters worse. Imagine if your spouse eventually finds the message some weeks later and checks the date it was sent and discovers that the message is a week old, what do you think he'll think. I guess his wife will start explaining to him that it's a mischievous message and that she was planning of telling him but but but...Many marriages have broken because some people decide not to be sincere with their spouse.

Even if they discuss it with the spouse...is that going to change the spouse's mentality if he or she suspected infidelity?

No it will not....will the spouse reading text messages stop cheating or other people from sending bullshit? No, it will not.

So again...what is the point

dasparrow: I can never tolerate a friend just picking up my phone and going through my text messages. I don't care how close we are. I will not tolerate it from my siblings either. I am a very private person and my privacy means alot to me. It may have to do with the fact that I was very trusting of people (friends, acquintances, family members, etc) in the past and got screwed up severally by some people who betrayed the trust I had for them. So, I am not willing to put myself out there like that again. My phone is my personal property so if I did not explicitly give a person permission to touch or go through my phone, I don't want anyone touching or going through my phone or text messages. Shikena!

Glad to see you thought her statement was vapid. I mean for real None of my friends and family goes through my phone WITHOUT MY PERMISSION.

But the topic is about spouses reading text messages.

Ujujoan: So it's ok for him to hide something from you, but not ok for you to read his text message

She just said if she has NO REASONS to snoop...she answered your question many times!

Gotdamn!

slimyem: i do not have to have anything to hide.
Its called mutual respect for each other's personal stuff....especially if there's no reason for distrust!
My partner tells me everything(or so i believe)...and i do the same.
If there's something he's not telling me,then he probably has a good reason why he's not.
That's trust...and except something changes that,his phone is his and mine's mine!

There ya gooooooooo!
[size=44pt]Gbam 100,000[/size]

Kobojunkie: OK . . . so why are you INSECURE about picking it up to read . . If you believe that?

Don't forget lack of trust.

And why are you reading texts that weren't directed to you?

Flexskillz: There's nothing wrong if she wants T☺ read my sms but it might save her a whole lot of trouble иot to bother herself too much with it as long as she trusts me like i trust her.

[size=33pt]Anybody can send any type of sms if they want to, just Щhat if someone is playin mischeif with me and sends a 'i love u or i miss u so much' kind of sms, does that mean i have something with them! [/size]

So to save her the whole "wahala" its better if she keeps off. Anyway if the above scenario were to play out we will talk about it so no issue.

That's true and that have happened to many couples as well.

Kobojunkie: Why is opening your spouses phone, to read, SNOOPING? Why do you feel you are STEALING when you do that? I don't get that at all. That phone is supposed to be yours as your spouse is your property and all that belongs to him, belongs to you. So why do you think you are SNOOPING when you open what belongs to you?

Then it is not your PARTNER'S PHONE....simply as that.

Next question.

slimyem: yes,i am for real.
It is called my phone for a reason not 'our' phone.
.
I can do snooping only if i have reasons to suspect my partner..and i'll interprete my partner snooping through my phone as lack of trust for me.

Exactly!!! If I am snooping through my husband's phone...I am checking for some shit. Not because I absentmindedly checking his phone like someone on this thread used as an excuse.

if I snoop through his phone...I am seeing if he is chatting with other chicks or what is he plotting.....I don't expect some chatters to be honest and realistic.

[quote author=Miss_Ife]I wouldn't like him to read my sms before me, though I don't really mind if he goes through my phone from time to time. What bothers me is more the lack of trust/controlling behavior that goes with this kind of things. I need my husband to trust me, if there is anything worrying him, he should talk to me instead of monitoring my phone/email/timetable...

Anyway, I don't have to worry much, we usually don't use each others phone without asking first.[/quote]I see no problem with that. Snooping through phones is a sign of distrust and uncertainty. I am willing to bet many of these snoopers are doing it behind their partner's back not directly in their faces.

I think it is a courtesy to ask if it is okay that you can go through the phone for WHATEVER REASON is unknown to me....but if they are sharing a phone then it is understandable.

Sometimes....your friends may be going through a rough time and sent texts asking for advices about personal things....that why it is not always good to read other's people texts because of that. If a person gets a text and soon as they hear ding and the snooper running to see what is being said is odd in my book. If that doesn't sound like someone with trust issues...then I am Jesus Christ!

dridowu: Very disrespectfull, i cant do it to her, so i deserve some personal respect

You know they will flog you right?

Ujujoan: What has that even got to do with trust

I pick up any phone and automatically go through it without thinking, yes even the SMSs.

I read my mum's, sister's. friend's SMS and I doubt that makes me insecure!

If there's any text message I dont want people to see, I delete from my phone. I dont care if people go through my inbox, not at all!

Why are you going through ANYONE'S phones that has nothing to do with you The question is about spouses...not relatives.

I guess stealing is encouraged in some parts....

afam4eva: You're right. But you need to see the way some spouse will run for their phone the moment they see that their spouse is about checking something on it.

So you will clump all spouses the same because of one spouse running for his or her phone

Seriously

When my phone rings....if I am not near my phone....my husband answer the phone and bring me my phone. We do not have any reasons to snoop in each other's phones because we do not have ANYTHING TO HIDE. My phone is always unlocked, in open spaces, and usually by him. The same for his and I do not look through his phone unless he ask me to. Sometimes he would say such and such sent a text asking about you....read what she or he said....then i would look. I would do the same for him.....

Trust is not for everyone I see.

Kobojunkie: People are inquisitive . . . not necessarily insecure or jealous but inquisitive. You can sometimes pick up a book your wife has been reading to read for yourself or pick up her note book to get an idea of what she is studying. The same with the phone messages . . pick it up to get some idea of what has been going on with her or what's latest. I don't think people should consider it all insecure when all the other wants to do is just know what is happening or latest or get synced up with the other person. After all isn't that part of why you are partners? Your spouse does not come with mind reading abilities so he/she has to, from time to time, do own research to get caught up on your life and what is going on, rather than depend 100% no you to let them in whenever you have the time.

Insecure people are inquisitive as well. If you trust your partner..why are you reading her texts? If she have her phone laying around...how is she hiding

If the phone is unlock and all you have to do is touch the screen...how is she hiding If she is sitting next to you having a conversation whether it is by text or voice...how is she hiding

Keep justifying insecurity....it won't go away.

MRbrownJAY: - if you are a person who has something to hide from your partner, then i understand why you would need to hide your phone or be secretive about whatever is in there.

- if you are a person who has absolutely NOTHING to hide then, who cares who reads the msg first, so long as you get the damn message!

now if you are a married person and STILL believe that there are stuff on your phone that is restricted to your spouse's eyes, then i suggest you re-evaluate your r/ship.

Not everyone hides their phones....my husband doesn't hide his phone and neither do I. We still don't read each other texts....NOW WHAT?

freecocoa: So a man cried while watching a movie makes him weak?

Oh lawdy! what type of things do we have as men these days? What a shame

This is Nairaland girl. Consider the source of chatters.

If I see a Nigerian man cry at the sight of his dead parents...I will be sure to call him a sissy and weak.

Idowuogbo: Ewwwwwh! A man crying y watching a movie? Dats a sissy rite dere.

Even if a baby is murdered in cold blood

Oh...I forgot this is Nairaland. My bad....Carry on!

omotola1: He surely will believe me.
We had drinks together last night. I went for coke, he went for beer... Mind u, i know exactly when to tell him.
I know when he‘s vulnerable to believe just anything.
The only reason why i will tell him is if you fail to love me too.
*Blackmail tinz* lolzzzz

My husband doesn't drink beer and secondly he will not believe you even if you pay him cash.

Trust me....I know.