₦airaland Forum

@op: who pays the mortgage/rent and household bills? I think it's a good idea to have a joint account just for taking care of the family expenditure and savings. Both parties should contribute to this account. Both parties can then do whatever they want with the money in their separate accounts. Also please tell your husband that if his business isn't making any profit then he should call it a day and go and look for a regular job. Not everyone has got business acumen. There's no point in throwing money into a failing business. Also he needs to grow up. A man protects his wife and vice versa. He needs to sing your praises to his family, not make you look like a bad person in front of them.

Siena:
Patua = broken French, mostly.

It's "patois"

bitchcrafts:
Do you know how much it took me (time +resources) to understand pidgin and mother tongue and be fluent (@least when writing) at it? If yo Nigerian in Nigeria, teach your child that language the society is identified with. Don't be a victim of urbanization that "detraditionalizes" everything. A standard school should teach that young mind all the standard English you envisage IMO CC Nancy2016

Even teachers make grammatical errors, especially those who teach in mushroom schools. I speak English and French, and they have helped me progress in life. I picked up pidgin English in secondary school. You speak to me in pidgin English and I respond in English. We will both understand each other. This will be the same for my kids. Reading through some of the posts on Nairaland I can see the negative impact pidgin English has on the English language.

sholasys:
Why would i denial my kid not to speak pidgin English? both does not disturb each other and as a matter of fact i know when and whom to speak English to and also pidgin. Am very fluent in both and if i want to be posh, i can do that perfectly and eloquently. Some time i do speak broken to my kid. All get their benefits. As far as you are a Nigerian or you are in Nigeria you need it. In fact an American Expertriate  was saved from kidnapping in Phc bc he spoke pidgin English to them (dough he married  Niaja lady).

Your whole writeup is full of errors, from the first sentence to the last. This just proves that pidgin English is not good for kids. You need to improve on your grammar and spelling.

T

Opiletool:
And you claim never to have hurt an innocent person? Yet you were transporting drugs right? Na animals go take those drugs? You know how many people wey Don die from drugs? You know how many deaths of young people you must have aided? SMH.

You took the words out of my mouth. Thank you. Drug dealers don't think about the family members who have to pick up the pieces, who have to watch their loved ones self-destruct. All the lives they destroyed in their pursuit of dirty riches. Drug dealing isn't a victim-less crime and that's why in some countries the criminals are sentenced to death.

satelliteDISH:
I think buhari should probe nairaland moderators especially lalastilala for promoting animal extinction with his snake threads.

So true. Every other day there is a thread on the front page talking about the killing of snakes. At one point I just assumed that it was because snakes are sometimes linked to witchcraft and Africans are so superstitious. The things is I have a huge fear of snakes so when I see such threads I stop clicking on topics on the front page and instead go directly into the different categories. For example, I click on threads listed under "Family" or "Romance". It would be nice if the moderators understood that there are people out there who have ophidiophobia (fear of snakes) and stopped putting every thread about the killing of snakes on the front page.

yollychika:
Eyaahhhh curiosity will kill u one day.. I'm entitled to ma opinion, monkey gurl

You are so funny

yollychika:
E dey pain u , go kill yasef ...

Not at all. I do not know the lady. I saw your comment and out of curiosity I decided to check your dp. I was really disappointed because I expected to see a paragon of beauty. Instead I saw a face with terrible makeup and eyebrows widely drawn.

yollychika:
Ordinary 3 slaps!!!! Y she post these disgusting ugly pix on social media pls can't she look for other ways to bring the guy to books ..... assault charge in court n not this worwor face on social media!!!!!!yuck

Have you looked in the mirror? Pot calling the kettle black!

RadicallyBlunt:
That's ur view. Now view it this way..Don't you think someone who remains cool for 2yrs studying you really loves you? Someone who knows u wanna go for phD and likes you for it bcus he likes seriousness. The same phD you may have to hide from suitors in future, because in turn you would appear most serious and educated than ur suitors.

Don't you think a girl who adores an unserious guy for abt only God knows how many years is been waiting for too long too?

So what if the guy loves her? You cannot force love.

RadicallyBlunt:
Oh! I thought what ever is worth sacrificing timely marriage for shd be something d whole world shd honour you for. Perhaps u shd be reminded that u don't need a phD to succeed in life. If phD doesn't make a clear famous difference in ur life, then what's d worth?

Google this- "most reproductve age of a woman" and u'll see its btw 18 to 24. That's d age STi have almost no effect on reproductivity. When u use ur best times to catch fun and marry at 35, u may have to wait another 5yrs to recorect ur body from d effects of abortions, infections and unprescribed contraceptives used while u had a suitor in time but chose to catch fun with a guy who isn't serious about you. Many are in d "fruit of d womb" groups in churches 2day.

Good grief! You are so backwards, myopic and narrow-minded. So women who get married after 35 are riddled with STIs, have committed several abortions and need 5 years to "recorrect" their bodies. What kind of oloshos do you interact with? With all the available sex education out there, you think women don't know how to take care of their bodies sexually? Most responsible and educated women take good care of themselves.

Suigeneris93:
The lady must be really foolish, what's the use of reporting him to the authorities when you're not even his wife Like seriously, you're supposed to be grateful to God for delivering your hide from a potential wife-beater rather than seek cheap popularity on-net.

He's rich and you're poor, so what? If you're not interested in his money, you would be happy to leave him and leave this attention seeking you're doing

So you want him to be able to beat another woman? Now that he has been exposed any woman going into a relationship will know what to expect and won't be shocked if he beats her too.

RaeMystix:
I wasn't referring to the so called Nurses/ apprentice you find in the local hospitals, who can't locate the parts of the Human body nor figure out how to perform a test to detect an unknown organism, even if their lives depended on it. I'm taking about Nurses that have more knowledge than the so called doctors we have in the local hospitals.

You are talking absolute hokum. Doctors spend years studying medicine. There's no way nurses know more than doctors. For some reason nurses think they are on the same level with doctors. Please you nurses should know your level. There's a reason why nurses are paid a fraction of what doctors are paid. Also it's not easy getting into medical school but you find a lot of people gaining admission into nursing school. Nurses do a lot but they will NEVER be in the same league with doctors.

yvelchstores:
I am of d believe that women shld help financially BUT women are not obligated to. It is meant to be free willed. If u can talk to her, ask her to help u, fine otherwise, let her be pls. It's no woman's responsibility to pay d bills,nits loving to do so, but not compulsory. Sorry.

You are the kind of woman I advise men to steer clear of. Whose responsibility is it to pay bills? So if your husband was struggling like the op, you would say it isn't compulsory for you to help?
@OP, when we tell you guys to marry self-sufficient women who know what it means to maintain a family, you guys pump your chests and claim that as African men you should be 100% responsible for the bills. This is the end result of holding archaic views on the family.
Well maybe the best solution is for you to stop paying the fees so that when your kids are sent home for owing fees, she would understand that the situation is dire and she needs to step up and contribute towards the upkeep of the family.

Mystical888:
I just reviewed the schedule to create rest time for the help.

This is what it looks like now, any more observations?

This is a better schedule. One observation I would like to make is, don't rely too much on the house-help helping your kids with their homework. Make sure you also review your kids homework and ensure that they are learning the correct thing. Sometimes kids growing up learn improper grammar from their nannies. It is definitely the responsibilities of the parents to monitor what their kids are learning.

"Then you have to consider the work schedule to fully maximize the hours of work and the monthly cost of engaging the help in the first place."

@OP, from the above statement I can tell you are one of those who believe that once you pay someone a salary you must make sure that they spend a lot of their time working so that you can justify their pay. Well there is a reason why in most developed countries there are "Working hours" regulations. Why would you expect a human being to work 12 hours a week, seven days a week? What is wrong with an 8-hour shift for 5 days and then Saturday she does half-day. She has the whole of Sunday off. What about lunch break and having time for her meals? Apparently she will be doing some vocational training, so do you think she will have the strength to do all this work and then study? You can allocate Monday to washing of clothes, Tuesday to ironing, Wednesday to cleaning of the house and maybe changing of the sheets. Thursday to laundry. Friday to ironing. Saturday to maybe going to the market.
Another suggestion is she could do her morning shift, have lunch, siesta and then the evening should be dedicated to her studies and helping your kids with their homework.
Please we have advanced as a society and we cannot be treating our house-helps like second class citizens. They too get tired and are also entitled to some leisure.

emekamigo:
Thinking in that direction-thanks!

You are welcome

emekamigo:
Really don't know what to do,Am saying we can't discuss.She will start shouting and am this kinda quiet type that feels ashamed when neighbours hear that am quarreling-

Maybe you guys should have a trial separation. Sometimes married people take their partners for granted and it's only when they come close to losing them then they realize the errors of their way.

emekamigo:
Thought I could manage and cover up without knowing it would get worse!we can't just sit down to discuss without quarreling every time,I mean all the time,every discussion as husband and wife.As am talking to you now,we haven't talked to each other for two days but in the same house only two of us-my mistake though,I saw the signs and friends warned me that we aint compatible enough too but she was just too nice.I thought she would change as we move along.When I remember how nice and caring she used to be I find it hard to tell her it's all over.But I think I can't continue to stomach anymore as there is the tendency that we will surely part no matter how long we stay.We ain't just compatible in any way.Advice to others:don't overlook the small signs you see in the course of courtship as they will haunt you sooner than later.Go your separate ways no matter the love as love is not only the reason why two people should get married-

This is so sad. Why don't you guys have a heart-felt conversation. Be open with her and tell her that you are already thinking of leaving the marriage. Maybe she too has checked out of the relationship. Things have to change instead of you both staying in a toxic relationship.

sunkky83:
Wow, I kinda like ur way of thinking. That is wat most of them do and they thought they got women under their control. They are only mindful of themselves n Neva thought of hw their spouse feels

Thanks so much Sunkky83.

MurphyInc:
Wow! you don't get it at all and I'm very sure you are still very single.let me tell u something, we've been married for 8 years and she been like that since we started having babies and you expect me to continue my life with her like that till she turn me to a sadist or till I got frustrated and hang myself ?

Imagine a wife calling her husband all sought of names over an argument.a woman that will categorically tell me that she knows I can't beat her cos I know the repercussion.

Very much married. My husband and I got into an argument yesterday and this morning we talked about it when tempers had cooled down. We even made fun of each other. We both had concrete points but we both did not handle the argument fully well. Despite the fact I was hurt, I went home yesterday and cooked him a delicious meal and he ate it all. Now we are about meeting up after work to go for an ice cream.
Your wife is totally wrong in calling you names. I don't agree with that kind of behaviour. You should sit her down and tell her it is not the right thing to do. You can argue your points without the name calling. I learnt a long time ago that you cannot take back what you say in the heat of anger. I had rather you walk away during the argument and come back in a couple of hours when tempers have cooled. As a married man you should spend the night in your house. Also in a light-hearted manner when you both are having fun, you should remind her that you are her husband and the father of her kids and therefore she should stop with the insults. She needs to act more maturely and handle her temper in a more civil way.

MurphyInc:
You are correct my man but my own method is quite different.

Some women/wives need to be put in their places cos some of them are disrespectful to their husbands which very annoying even frustrating.

You can't imagine the kind of messages she sent me on my phone cos I refused to pick her calls.I received sweet and very wonderful messages(she said she missed me and she's been sick since I left home) from the second day I left the house but I didn't allow that to move me a bit.

The third day, I started receiving calls from her mother (her father is late), brothers, her sister's husband and friends.They pleaded on her behalf and I told them to talk to her that I'm not the problem, she is.

[b]I moved back in the third day and she was happy and cooked my favourite soup but I refused to eat it until she started crying.

This is a terrible approach and some people will even call it emotional abuse. What you have achieved is a woman who will bow down to your desires. Did you ever ask her own opinion? Do you think the cause of your disagreement has been resolved? All you have just done is manipulated her into submission. It is due to these attitudes that we have a lot of oppressed and unhappy married women in Africa.

So why don't you follow your husband's advice by pursuing a career? Why don't you make something of your life especially now that your husband is a student and obviously will pay less in child support? You mentioned that twice you had to move back to your parent's home. Getting a good job will make you fully independent and make you feel better about yourself.

@op, my advice to you is to communicate with your wife. Don't always expect her to see things your way. From your write up it seems you feel you are correct in your thinking. Do you ask her own opinion and try to see things from her own perspective? Also the three actions you suggested are wrong because they may make her apologize just to get your attention. This is how resentment builds up in a relationship, especially when one party apologizes just to satisfy their partner. After a while she may even get used to the silent treatment and it won't even affect her anymore. By the time you realize it there is a gulf between you guys and you have lost all your intimacy. Go online and you will see a lot of women and even men complaining about silent treatment. Why do you think a lot of marriages end up in divorce? Please learn how to communicate and compromise. You are dealing with an adult and they may not necessarily see things the same way you do, so learn to "agree to disagree".

@op, you are a great liar. How come you have a four-month old baby in another thread posted in the family section, and in this thread your baby is six months old? Do you crave so much attention, you have to create fake stories?

@ OP: This is such a sad story. The only advice I can give to you is to try and help your siblings in whatever way you can. Don't let the actions of your father and his family to affect you. You children should stick together and help each other. Also there is nothing like legit siblings. You have three siblings. You have no proof that your mother cheated and even if she did, her last-born is still your flesh and blood.

ogechieku:
How can a husband be able to look his wife eyeballs to eyeballs when he is a failed state like Nigeria? How will a father be able to look his son face to face and say to him son i am sorry when the kids his like a slave in his own family. How will a mother apologise to her son on her husband's behalf...? I dont know why some men are not men enough.

You are not making sense. I'm out.

ogechieku:
Imagine a member of this world talking as if he came from another planet. Are you claiming your phisical life has absolute control of your emotional life? Try to imagine life experience before you build assumption, even if you are advocate of planned parenthood, when the urge to be a father comes you will forget adulthood. More so, show me a woman who will agree with a man, let's marry but kids till we can afford to take care of them, for how many years can she agree with that? And if you give birth to a child and you dont take care of him you have case to answer in the endtime while you may not owe anyone answer whey you are poor.

That's why there's a lot of poverty in Africa. Kids running around half-naked in the streets because their parents can't afford to take care of them. I'm a woman and I had rather wait to have kids I can afford than see my kids carry heavy loads on their heads because they need to help me sell food on the streets. That's why education is good.

ogechieku:
To every step taken, there are millions units of zeal to take more. It is just like if you dont want to rape dont watch porn. if you get married in that position they will see it as not too much to start family and the urge will be requesting for it. but if you have not married you are away to thimk it. Even if no ceremony shoukd the kids spend years in hospital?

Please learn how to proofread before posting. As an adult you make your own decisions. If you know you can't afford to have kids, wait till you can. You should never bow to pressure. People may talk, but it's your life and you are the one responsible for your kids.

afroxyz:
But you can 'go through formal education for so many years' to earn a paltry sum of 70k monthly abi?

How many hairdressers have a profit of 70k per month?

[quote author=Kapira333 post=44555947][/quote]Please read what I wrote properly. They don't have to start procreating immediately. They can wait till they are financially viable. There are natural methods of contraception. I'm sure you are old enough to know them, if not, Google is your friend.