₦airaland Forum

faithzy:
I lost my dad four years ago, since when he died only my big brother in qatar has been supporting us, I just graduated from the university, my mum health is consuming most of the money, my sister is about to start her new business, which will require money, my other sister is getting married in two months time, which will still spend some money, my brother still building hz house, my dad's house still under construction too, too many problems and projects at hand. my mother sister daughter (my cousin) just got admission. They dnt have the stipulated funds for her education, now they are asking my brother to pay for her education, despite all the problems and project at hand, for the record we have all been there for them but right now we need a break and the father of the child is still alive and does nothing to support the family, he has refused to work, he said God told him to be a pastor and he can't work, please I want to know who is supposed to take take care of her education, my brother with all the responsibility or the parents of the child, because my whole martenal family is painting us black since we told them we have alot at hand. we really do have alot at hand.

Tell them there is no money. Your cousin's parents should pay for her education. Also your sister does not need to spend a lot of money on her wedding. She can just invite a few family members for a meal and celebrate quietly. How do you all expect one person to shoulder all these responsibilities? What if, God forbid, something happens to your brother in Qatar, what would you all do? We Africans need to stop this habit of putting our kids and siblings under so much pressure. By the way what kind of job is your brother doing in Qatar? Do you guys ever wonder how he copes with all the pressures? Now that you have graduated I hope you have an income and also contributing towards your mum's treatment. Your brother should not be made to shoulder all these responsibilities.

armyofone:
In essence, children should not take their parents responsibilities...deaths, inability or for whatever reason, don't take monetary charge of family. Enjoy/suffer your own life and face your own front like our western people do it.

Never said that. Please read my post again, slowly and with an open mind.

It seems the OP is female. My previous post referred to her as a male. @drbolade, my apologies, I actually thought you were a guy.

I think I know what the OP is trying to say. Yes he's grateful for all the sacrifices his sister made in order to take care of the family, but when he sees the sister's current status, he feels she should have also thought about herself. We have people abroad who live in what can be termed as slums, they work all kinds of hours so that they can save money to send to their families back home. Some of them rarely treat themselves because they feel it would take away from their savings.
I remember a story of a Ghanaian who was found dead in the attic of a home. This guy died with thousands of pounds but his lifestyle was that of a pauper. He was building a home in Ghana. Guess who is living in the house he built and living a lavish life, his younger brother.
Going back to the OP's story, his sister should have done what she could but also put herself first from time to time. A wedding isn't important and university students should work part time to take care of their personal needs.

@OP: Only you know your wife. She may be cheating; she may be innocent of your accusations. Only you can find out the truth. What I don't understand about you Nigerian men is the fact that you believe that as a man you have to slave away to take care of your family. What is your wife's financial contribution to the family? What does she do with the profit she makes every month? I am female but I strongly believe that if a woman has a source of income she should contribute to the upkeep of the family. It doesn't have to be an equal contribution but it should be reasonable. Why do I say this? If your wife had financial obligations she would be more hardworking and more involved in her business. Idleness is the devil's workshop. If your wife had bills to pay at the end of the month she won't spend her time meeting up with people at hotels or going to TV stations seeking fame.

martyns303:
Most men prefer younger women, what would u define as the ideal age difference?

Therein lies their problem. I will probably say 5 years tops. I truly believe you need to be on the same page and same level of maturity and reasoning. At 25, most girls in Africa haven't even established a career. What is she bringing to the table? Does she really know who she is? Don't get me wrong there are some people who mature faster but a majority lose out on their freedom and the opportunity to self-develop. A graduate leaves her parents' home and then moves into a man's house. Has she learnt to be independent? Most likely not at all.

MYDEBBY:
Thank you all for all your contributions, May God bless you all,sincerely its not a natural happenings.my brother went to the village last December, and after two months developed a liver problem which has taken him to India and back without any solution,series of revelations points towards evil arrow from the village.Pls the winners chapel contributor should send me his or her contact for speedy action pls.any other spiritual solution is welcome

Your brother probably needs dialysis not all these superstitious beliefs.

MYDEBBY:
Dear nairalanders I have found this forum to be very useful,and believe your contributions will be of help.I lost our first son without any major health challenge he was just going to urinate fell down and could not talk again till he gave up.after 8yrs I lost my mum,dad and brother within a space of 5yrs.now our most senior is critically ill even went abroad for treatment without any solution.Sincerely I perceive this is not ordinary. Pls can anybody in the house help me out with Solution that is not diabolic?Thanks

All you have to do is pray for your family. No need for you to overthink things and believe that there are evil spirits at work. People die every day, some die of illnesses, accidents or even freak accidents. Not everyone is granted long life. You seem to be a christian so obviously you know how to pray for yourself and your family. When you start attending all these churches you make yourself vulnerable to charlatans. You will probably spend money needlessly when the truth is that only God knows our destinies.

[quote author=martyns303 post=50877444]# Generation gap (age difference), you are 9yrs older than her, she started cheating when she was 23yrs old, she was young and was looking to have fun. You will be shocked to find out that the guy she's cheating with is a 25-27yrs old skinny undergraduate, who is way below your level. you would even ask yourself what she saw in the guy.


This was the part that struck me the most in the OP's write up. I don't understand why so many African men don't choose girls in their age group. They started dating when the girl was 20 and he was most likely her first serious boyfriend. At 25, you feel invincible and you want to explore the world. They are definitely in different stages of their lives. The girl is probably still trying to find her way in the world whereas he has already established himself.

@ OP my advice to you is to break up with your current girlfriend. Two years of cheating is a lot. If it was a one off I would say forgive her. Next time look for someone on the same level with you. What kind of interests will a 25 year old share with a 34 year old?

Joseid:

You just spoke facts but not in accordance with principles. You may have read in scriptures somewhere where it was said that "the name of God is blasphemed among the gentiles because of you".
Did you also read that Aaron and Miriam criticized Moses? Were they right to do so based on facts? Of course! But God said they were wrong. And they were chastised because of it.
My point:
1. Ministers will always have serious faults. Expected, cos they are humans too.
2. Your primary responsibility is to pray for them rather than criticize.
3. By all means, never let unbelievers mock the body of Christ on account of your comments.
Matters of the church must be settled in the church and not outside.
The matter of the three ministers above is bad. It should have been settled in the church. Even Paul regards it as shameful.
If you are truly a minister as you said, you will understand what I wrote here.
A word is enough for the wise.
Peace.

Bla bla bla. These pastors are mere mortals like you and I, so how does criticizing them equate to "mocking the body of Christ"? When they do wrong we should criticize them and then maybe they will stop pretending to be what they are not. Too many fraudsters claiming to be religious.

ApenaEde:
Love Islam.
Unlike a religion that hate polygamy but encourages lesbianism, cucumbanism, gay, 1wife many concubines.
Even when last I checked their 'holy' book, I can c many prophets and God's favourites marrying many wives. but d Zombies always follow whatever d 'Daddy on Pulpit' says regardless of what dia book says.

Yeye Hippocrates

Your English is appalling.

JackBizzle:


I should scram?
You must think that nairaland is your father's house. Better go and get married, old cargo

Was it necessary to call her 'old cargo'? Didn't your mother teach you how to talk to ladies?

ItsQuinn:
I don't why a lot of people are judging this man, he's not perfect, he's human for crying out loud, everybody makes mistakes.....bloody hypocrites everywhere .....there's something called forgiveness

Instead of claiming to be a victim he should ask for forgiveness. He has shown no remorse for his foolish actions. And to all those saying that Toke may not have been satisfying him and that's the reason he cheated, he should have ended the marriage before moving on to the next woman. He doesn't even have any intention of marrying the baby mama which shows he's an irresponsible man.

frenchwine:
All you need to do is send a pm asking for it and I would send you a mail with my license number so you could "report to the relevant authorities".
Empty barrels posing as wannabes. Take a seat ma'am

You are not based in the US so I will be wasting my time. I'm very well-educated and certainly reason better than you who is a quack.

frenchwine:
Madam, with all due respect, don't just copy and paste what you see on Wikipedia or google.
Genital myasis does exist, however it's as prevalent as smallpox infection or dracunculiasis infestation in Nigeria.
I believe you read where she had sought medical intervention without improvement.
I am a doctor and I can tell you that spiritual forces are as real as daylight and I have come across them in my practise , not once, not twice .

Are you really a medical doctor, university-educated with medical school training? If you really are a medical doctor then you are one of those quack doctors that can't cure patients. Please with this mentality it's best you left the noble profession. So due to your limited abilities if you are unable to find a cure for an ailment, you will tell the patient that spiritual forces are at play. Damn! No wonder people die needlessly in Africa. Seriously if I knew your real name and you were based in a country like the US where there is law and order, I would have reported you to the disciplinary committee. Doctors like you should be struck off and not allowed to practise.

sukkot:
nigerians love disgusting pictures. i am feeding their appetite. thats why its always lynching pictures on frontpage everyday. they love it. they love blood. am just feeding yall brah. eat

Hahaha thank you. Every other day on Nairaland pictures are posted of different road accidents. I never open those threads and I don't understand how people think it's okay to take pictures of victims of accidents.

doveda:
MOST OF YOUR THREADS ARE ABOUT WOMEN

DEM USE WOMEN CURSE YOU?

Misogynistic thing !

Thanks for this comment. The guy is so irritating. A woman certainly did a number on him.

moski5:
I think you are swapping love for lust, thrill n adventure ...

Not at all.

Chubhie:
By fleeting sensations I meant non permanence.Love should be a necessary condition to broker marriage but not enough to last the distance cos feelings as emotions changes with time.

Even true love dies! Some women genuinely love their husbands yet sleep with other men out of pleasure,money,revenge,tricked into it,medical purposes etc.

I now see your point

Chubhie:
You place premium on intelligence.Has it occurred to you that your ideal husband could be too busy locked away with passion in putting his intelligence to work?

Paths MUST be crossed either through angelic orchestration or self-help.

Dont appear desperate cos an intelligent dude can spot such from one mile radius.

Look for locations or places you feel your ideal intelligent dudes congregate and adapt to such environments.

Iron sharpens iron.you MUST first become that which you desperately seek.

It must be a give and take situation with that which you seek or you end up bored and miserable with them.

Can you be comfortable with a Seun sitting in front of his computer all day and coding in alien languages without having his bath?

You talk of an ex being all perfect yet you can't love him? You must understand that love is a fleeting sensation and barely enough to see you through marriage.

If that your ex ticks all the other boxes why not work on yourself and reconsider him?

You can not have everything on a plater of gold else that's rigging from your maker.

Perhaps,your maker is looking up to you to make this one decision.Such a wise God!

I agree with most of what you said except the part where you say "love is a fleeting sensation". That's not true. True love never dies. Why do you think more and more women are cheating? This is because a lot of them for whatever reasons got married to men they didn't love. Women are emotional beings and are always in search of love. If a woman has no love for her husband she is prone to temptation. A lot of times you hear women cheated with their exes. This is because they still are in love with these men. I will always advise women that if you have no feelings for a man, please do both of you a favour, end the relationship and let that man find his rightful partner.

seizethaBae:
I dont even know where to start or how to explain what my problem is,hopefully i get lucky for the 'problem' to be 'diagnosed'. Im a 27yrs old lady,finished uni very very early and i've been extremely lucky with almost everything in life,but to get a suitor and settle down na palava. Friends/family members keep saying im too choosy or not serious. Honestly,I AM NOT choosy.When the one thing i fast/pray for is for God to link me with the bone of my bone very soon,i even gave up my travelling plans in order to increase my chances of finding a future patner(i know you can meet ur patner anywhere,but na just to shut up pple wey don tink say i no dey serious),a close friend even suggested i pend my 'work-from-home business',look for job so i can be leaving d house,and i got lucky within a month or two of dusting my CV i got a fantastic high paid job with no connection(honestly i've always been so lucky when i ask God for anything but i have no idea why he is delaying this). I just dont know how to explain it,the ones i like doesnt like me and the ones i dont have single feelings for will do anything to wife me. Im not desperate or something,i just want to reach out if im d only one having dis problem. There was even a time i made up my mind to accept an ex proposal even tho i have no single feeling for him,i kept hoping/fasting/praying for a miracle to happen so i can atleast like him(even if its 20%) bcus hes just too PERFECT,but it dint just happen. My type of man doesnt need to be extremely rich,tall,handsome like most ladies dream man.He should just be neat,God fearing and have something upstairs biko (i love intelligent guys).Back to the main reason why i created this post; Married women/mature lady out there,has this ever happen to you? I really envy people that love their patners and they are loved back equally. Married women pls im waiting to hear from you.

And for most people that will think im looking for a rich guy,believe me i once met a guy that was willing to sponsor my M.Sc in UK if i can be his Mrs,but i will never engage in anything that will bring curse on my head.So my problem is not even money.Im so sick and tired

You said you are not desperate but through your words you come across as being that. Guys can smell desperation. If you are not happy in your own life, why do you think another human being will make you feel fulfilled? You cannot force love, it will happen at the right moment. Also you had the opportunity to travel but you didn't. From what I gather you still live with your parents. Nowadays men like women who are independent and also adventurous. This is a time in your life when you can be carefree and explore the world around you. Have fun, endeavour to visit new places. When you start enjoying yourself, guys will flock to you. Work on your confidence too. What do you bring to the table? Think about those things. There are women out there who can't have intelligent conversation because they have spent their lives in a rigid form. All they think about is go to school, get some form of education and then find a man to marry. When you get married and start having kids, you may find out that you wish you had time for yourself. Stop worrying about the future and enjoy the present.

oluwalewis:
Besides,it's better to come from a broken home than to come from a non-broken home that has no peace.

So true. Most kids of divorced parents will tell you this. Who wants to be in a family where the parents are always fighting and in some cases they hear their mom being beaten by their dad? A friend of mine was getting married and her parents had to be seated at different tables because they couldn't put their differences aside for a couple of hours. Funnily, they are still married and live in the same house.

CuteMorriz:
from the opinion of people who aired their views I hope you could see that those in support gave real life experiences...I can count about 5...truth be told the probability of the marriage being a disaster is quite high

When you want to prove a point you can always find examples to back your beliefs. The people who warn against marrying from single-parent homes will constantly be on the lookout for divorces carried out by this group of people. I will just ask you one question: We know that nowadays there are a lot of divorces in our communities, are you saying that most of these divorcees are from single-parent homes?

apache77:
spot on. i married my ex wife only 3yrs ago.last month we were divorced, in court! why? i still dont knw. i dated her for 7yrs married her for 2, seprated for one. she decided to end the marriage for very flimsy reasons..which to this day, i dnt knw.

shes 29,her dad died when she was 9,and her mother raised her alone for the next 17yrs before i married her. the mother disnt raise a finger to discourage her daughter from ending the marriage, seemed to even to support her.
e
when i was trying to resolve the matter sometime last year so it doewnt get to divorce..she famously told me: i shd loom at her very well, shes not one of those girls desperate to remain in a mans house.

i guessed she had grown up seeing her mother riase her alone

How can you in the same sentence say that your ex wife divorced you due to flimsy reasons, and then go on to say you don't even know what those reasons are? It just shows that you never acknowledged her grievances. How could you expect her to continue in a relationship where her voice wasn't heard and stuff she considered to be important, were considered inconsequential by her spouse?
Instead of holding a grudge and lamenting your divorce, you should do some self-introspection and reflect on how you contributed to the demise of your relationship. So that you won't make the same mistakes in your next relationship.

[quote author=EmpresFIDEL post=49699365][/quote]Not true. Most girls who come from families where their mothers work, will be independent. For you to make such a statement shows that you view marriage as an opportunity for women to elevate their status by depending on well-to-do men. Nowadays marriage is more of a partnership and what each person brings to the table. Therefore, most wives either work or run a business. No need for their daughters to be wayward.

EmpresFIDEL:
I do not agree with you, majority of girls raised by both parents are even more wayward, while d ones raise by one parent are very strong, they love been independent, they support their husband becos dy are strong physically and mentally, they do well in life becos some of them want to prove to their father who might have abandoned them DAT dy can become somebody good in life, they are motivated positively becos dy av faced so many challenges, they will always miss their dad and they will not want their children to experience what dy av gone true.

majority of girls raised by both parents are even more wayward:

This is not true. While I don't agree with the OP, I think this statement is totally false. Families where there are both parents tend to have a higher income than single-parent families. Therefore, the children tend to have a greater allowance and thus lesser need to sell their bodies. Also there is a likelihood that discipline will be tighter due to both parents sharing responsibilities.

razortruth:
Unfortunately, this assertion is very true. Even my brother's wife who is a chosen mopol, I mean a member of the Lord's chosen church owned by Pastor Lazarus Nmoka deserted her husband because that's exactly how her mother behaved. Their mother ran away from the husband and trained them (five girls) alone and today, none of them is living with the husband. Even with all entreaties and begging from my brother, she remained adamant and incorrigible. What baffles me is that they made her "a worker" and ursher even with her immoral lifestyle perhaps because she pays "big tithe" it's so unfortunate. But this assertion cannot be generalized. There are the few whom God himself touched their hearts to be different from their mother. Note:My brother is young!!!

What did your brother do? When a woman has had enough, no amount of begging will make her change her mind.

aylagos:
This is so so true you will understand the op only if you hav experienced such lady. My girl is just like that she is quick to judge me in every situations and has this mentality that all men are bad and she will not take nonsense from anyone that will be her husband am even worry

Since you are worried please call off the relationship and stop wasting her time. You are blocking her from meeting her rightful partner.

Shym3xx:
Let me quickly add a disclaimer to my posts.

I only posted in support of children who were raised by single parents cos I've got loads of them as friends and acquaintances. And I don't see anything wrong with them.

However, I'm not in support of the lifestyle that got them there. A lot of chics out there these days are just making babies like dogs and they make terrible choices in partners. And you've got a lot of crazy women who chased their partners away. So, I do not support these psychos.

I can't really say anything about single dads cos I don't think I've ever met anyone raised by a single dad (I'm sure they're out there). And I believe that's only possible if the mum is either dead or unfit physically to raise kids. Ditto mums who became single parents by virtue of their partners' death, or absentee dead beat dads.

If you're a LovePeddler and by virtue of slanging ya pum everywhere, you became a single mum - or you're a psycho who keeps getting pregnant for all kinds of men, while chasing them away. Fix up.

I hope you do realize that it takes two make a baby. Also a woman can get pregnant the first time, so your premise that some of the single mothers are "love peddlers" is totally wrong. If that is the case what would you call the men?

dustmalik:
Fools everywhere. This is the reason I stopped commenting on this section. This can't be termed as plagiarism because it's not word for word or sentence for sentence. Calling this plagiarism is like saying some specific people have exclusivity to certain English words, which is the most stupid way of reasoning.

"Plagiarism is the practice of taking someone else's work or ideas and passing them off as one's own." It doesn't have to be word for word. You can see both expressions are similar, therefore Buhari plagiarized De Gaulle's. Therefore, you are wrong in calling others fools, because you are the stupid one in this case.

Nice piece of writing. I actually suffer from sleep paralysis. It can be scary. What I have learnt is, you have to relax and not panic. After a while you will regain consciousness.

Very lovely and uplifting story. He and his mom are truly blessed. He is blessed for having this opportunity to make his mom proud and she is blessed in being able to enjoy the fruits of her labour.