₦airaland Forum

Hahahahahaha! Chai!

Yes, It's possible to love two persons at the same time, just not equally. The heart is that treacherous.

missclasssy:
It's now clear to me that this present romance section is ridden with kids.
Someone asks an important, mature question and they act all ignorant and begin to derail the thread.

Op, I have experienced it twice and it occurred when I was about to have an orgasm and I have had similar accounts from friends.

I think it's as a result of the quick pulse movement through the nerves as the effect of the orgasm spread through the whole groin and through the rest of the body.
Since the nerves to the legs are the closest branches of nerves, it affects them first and more than the rest of the body, hence the shaking.

hmmm... *jots down salient points*

Adaeze003:
The condition is that they're their kids Or what else? Coz no matter what, a loving parent will be a loving parent even when pushed to the wall.

well, one condition alone is enough to make it conditional.

Now tell me sincerely, if you know, why is it that some parents love their kids and other parents don't?
Also why do some loving parents have favourites among their kids?

FcvkSA:
Simply put, unconditional love is attributable to God. It is not a human character or trait to love unconditionally.
By its very character, or from its meaning, it has to be accepted by the recipient. The bible verse you quoted is the offer. The benefit of the unconditional love dates back even times past before acceptance.
Essentially, it is an attribute that belongs to God only.

You have already gotten your thinking knotted up. I'm very certain you do not understand what you have even written up there.

You keep giving examples of conditions for unconditional love, yet insisting it's unconditional. ok, if you truly believe what you typed

standd:
Wack abi Well, you just disabused my mind of this thing called unconditional love. I used to believe in it. I once felt it (or so I thought).

Yes. So wack that it is a joy to read and a challenge to emulate

Well if we believe something enough, we might actually feel it or even see it. I used to believe it too. I admit, the thought of being totally loved without any condition or limitation can be very appealing. Too bad there's always reality to bite one in the butt.

Lala247:
Hey peeps

Ok, this is a big issue in realtionship .

Ladies/ guys would you allow ur bae to be friendly with your friends or bestfriend?

yes

Have you ever liked your baes friend and wish you could swap ?

no.

Can you forgive a guy/chic that cheated on you with your bestfriend?

hell no!

Can you forgive the friend?

no!

Do you think confiding with friends can be the downfall of a relationship? ..

yes it can, though it doesn't necessarily have to be so. When you confide in someone, it is an open invitation to them to try to influence you. Now if they truly do not have your interest at heart, you might get a very nice stab in the back or a healthy push in a sick direction.

The key is discretion. Know what not to say.

standd:
Damn it!!!


The Op have my illusive fantasies raining down on me like a park of cards.

hehehe... Your command of English though

shachris03:
the key factor here is Choice. love doesn't come naturally. we CHOOSE to love.

lolz... if we choose to love, then our choice is based on conditions, and that makes our love conditional.

I was expecting points that would prove that there's love without any conditions at all. Provide such irrefutable points and I'd agree with you.

I don't do emotional debates.

shachris03:
op your logic is flawed. for you to love unconditionally, first of all, you must choose to love before the unconditional aspect. the choice to love might be based on condition But not the love itself.

if your choice to love is based on conditions, then your love wouldn't exist without those conditions. That makes the love conditional really.

Carefully think it over sir.

FcvkSA:
Furthermore Oahray, just a little bit...

How do you measure the unconditionality of this love? Human or divine?

How can you plumb the recesses of motives and intention and even change of heart in human?

There is a line in a hymn that says: there are depths of love that I cannot know until I cross the narrow sea.

I dare to say that unconditional love by human, assuming but not conceding that it is possible, is not only immoral but it can even be a sin...since you love the person no less even if she/he kills, rapes, or indulge in the most despicable acts of wickedness imaginable and yet you are constrained from telling him to change otherwise or she/he risks losing the unconditional love you have for them.

However, unconditional love, is even possible by humans but it is not to be judged the way you think it will.

Ta.

there's something funny about your post. You aren't sure what stance to take and so move back and forth. You doubt the existence love that is unconditional (at least among humans) and question its morality as you have done in your previous post, yet you have another leg on the side of the fence.

I like the ropes you provided though. Strong enough to tie one up in his own argument.

FcvkSA:
Oahray, where you erred is that, unconditional love can be foisted upon anyone, that it can be forced down upon anyone orlaid down imperially upon anyone, but it does not work like that.

hmmm... I'm not sure I got your point. Or maybe you didn't get mine. I'm not saying unconditional love can be forced on anyone. I'm saying it doesn't exist. However, it is possible to examine the concept theoretically, and disprove with common sense based on undeniable reality.

Unconditional love is impossible amdist all the instances you cited except divine love, the love of God alone is unconditional. Furthermore, since loving people unconditionally even when they do not want your love is against love itself...Thus, for love to be truly unconditional in words and deed, it must be, it has to be accepted by the recipient. God accomplished this unconditional love of the world by making an offer of his unconditional love. An offer is a legal term that requires a clear, unambiguous and direct acceptance for it to be valid.

thanks for this. An offer is only valid on the condition of acceptance, so any love offered cannot be unconditional by any stretch of the word. A bit of going back and forth from you sir.

That is what John 3:16 is.
An offer of unconditional love to the world.
Accept it and he loves you from the moment of acceptance as much as he loves His only son, Jesus Christ...he cannot love you better in the future, he cannot love you less, he cannot love you more. That is the good news.

if your acceptance must precede such love as you say, then it isn't unconditional.

Essentially, love cannot exists unitarily. It exists in a relationship, ideally, within two people. However, the best of human relationship is incapable of perfect unconditional love, only Jesus is.

combine this with the part where you said you need to accept, and you see that you agree with my line of thought, though you aren't fully aware of it yet

khassy:
am sure this op failed summary in school




too long and boring

lol. Ok

ELITE0911:
the op is a bloody cynic, and a smart one. he forgets that emotion and logic are two things that never mix, and yet he has based his arguments on logic. It is a well established fact that man cannot define his own thought one can only assumes, "the more a man tries to capture himself in his own definition, the more and more he drowns himself in his own confusion" and that's what the op has tried to do. So if op is incapable of unconditional love, he should at least not insult the idea of it. so for those who believe in unconditional love go on, and the brother above me looking for loophole here it is.....

you'd rather I base my arguments on emotions? Ok here it goes...

Unconditional is such a beautiful concept that makes us feel happy with the little we do, therefore it must be true. How does that sound?

Yes I am not capable of love that is unconditional in it's entirety. I wouldn't gladly kiss a lady that's trying to kill me. If you would, good for you.

That said, I did not set out to insult the idea of it, but to expose it for the myth that it is. When you believe you are entitled to absolute love without any reason, you are less likely to be sensitive to others and take responsibility for your actions. After all your actions shouldn't matter.

A good number of marriages crashing every day can be traced back to this.

Dygeasy:
Permit me to make an analysis. This thread talks about loving everyone irrespective of your relationship with them and quite frankly it's not what I was expecting to read. I expected picking out a particular type of Love Relationship and then examine the various forms of conditionality and unconditionality in that love but going back to the discourse here, that brand of unconditional love is IMPOSSIBLE. TOTALLY IMPOSSIBLE.

I'm not sure I quite catch your drift, bro. My post denies the existence of love without any conditions at all. I did not dwell too much on each type of love (examining every possible condition), because it would be excess baggage. I simply brought out a few underlying conditions in each type, as proof of presence (or conditions) invalidates any argument for absence.

Why? We are bounded by so many things; Self, Family, Race, Tribe, Country and all those things. Now I have a brother by blood, can I see the next guy to me exactly the way I see my brother? No. Even if I want to, I can't. Same goes for my sister and even my wife. I cannot have that same love for my wife for every other lady alive.

we are on the same page.

Let's look at it. The first question that ought to be asked given the several boundaries humans have created is can we love those people in those circles of boundaries unconditionally? Can I give anything for my brother to live if need be? Can I sacrifice something so valuable to me for the happiness or continued existence of my wife? The answers to these determines that to that unlimited borderless unconditional love which we're talking about here.

NOTE: These boundaries are very strong and sorry to say permanent too.

agreed. The presence of boundaries separating the recipients of each type of love shows that love is not without conditions. I should thank you for bringing this up.

Any human being places close humans first before any other, given the two humans being in the same situation at the same time. Priorities always set in. Priorities. You and I would save what's dearer to us before we would anything or anybody strange or distant. It's the way the world is wired. A very helpless situation I dare say.

exactly. There's always a reason some are dearer to us.

Only God's love is and according to his books, he sees every human the same wayg

yet everyone in the human race would not have the exact same eternal future. There must be something that makes some sheep and the others goats.

On the whole, nice analysis. Thanks for taking the time to pen down your thoughts

Shugaryme:
unconditional love is possible - but only from yourself


Nice one dear

You just had to raise an objection, abi? Make I talk?

Nice idea.

Can they decide to skip a question because it is too personal?

Inkyillusion:
You mean there are intelligent topics in romance section? Adonbilivit!

I really want to disagree with the op because I believe in unconditional love, but I just cannot find the loophole in the writeup yet. Well written. Really long too.

lol. I'd be around when you find the loophole

Thanks for the heads up.

ronald4lif:
I thought it's obvious I meant biological parents bro.

I didn't miss it. Look at it this way. How many parents can love a stranger's child the exact same way they love their own? Give me examples of such parents, if you know.

If there aren't, isn't it clear that something makes one's own child different, a natural recipient of such love? That something is a condition, a condition that a stranger's child would fail to meet.

ronald4lif:
The only unconditional love exist between parents to their kids, especially mothers, and sometimes among siblings. Every other love is conditional.

well, I still wouldn't call such love unconditional until I meet parents who would love me every bit as much as their own children, and without getting to know me.

Justeenaleo:
Life is not short ooo, go back and read that post
No come use your hand to shorten your life

lol. The bros no even read the first line sef

Cutehector:
Nice post sir

thanks bro

I don't exactly buy into the temperament classification. Too narrow... Too restricted.

Lol. Funny comments.

For me what makes a date perfect is not really where but with whom

WARNING: This post is veeeeery long. There, you don't have to repeat that obvious fact. Cheers.


UNCONDITIONAL LOVE?
Very often, we hear people talk so much about unconditional love - from the starry eyed teenager building webs of fantasy, to the married partner sobered up by chunks of unpalatable reality, to the religious zealot who relishes the thought of being a recipient of divine affection without having to lift a finger.

The general consensus in basically every circle is that love could actually be unconditional.

Well, you might have to step out of the box of mainstream ideology and put on your thinking cap for this. Our first stop... The dictionary.

Unconditional
- "not conditional or limited : absolute , unqualified." - Merriam Webster dictionary

- "Not subject to any conditions." - Oxford dictionary

- "Not limited by or depending on any conditions." Longman dictionary

Condition
- "something essential to the appearance or
occurrence of something else : prerequisite" - Merriam Webster dictionary.

- "a situation or state of affairs that must exist before something else is possible." - Oxford dictionary.

- "something that must exist or happen first before something else can happen." - Longman dictionary.

A merger of these definitions would see unconditional love being described as a love that exists or is shown without any condition or limit. In other words, nothing else has to happen to make such a love exist, and nothing can happen that would make it remain stagnant or die. The kind of love that appears from thin air and remains as constant as the sun. How romantic!

The reality though differs, and not slightly. So we shall examine reality together.

Romantic love
Perhaps the most popular of all types of love, is the one between a man and a woman (the not so straight wouldn't like that description very much). Thus at our very first stop, we collide with our first condition for romantic love - the object of our affection must be of the opposite sex (for the straight) or same sex (for the homosexual). Even those who claim to be bi-curious have their preference.

After that first condition has been met subconsciously, we start to look at other areas that may turn out to be deal breakers for us. Ever wondered why we don't fall in love with everyone we know? Unconditional love means you can love that unclad lunatic every bit as much as that smart, good looking man or woman who shows you nothing but care. No?

Let's look at a purer love then...

A parent's love
Quite simply, the reason a parent loves her child is because it's her child.

Mothers are undeniably the face of parental love, and the reason isn't far fetched. They are generally more expressive of their love. So fathers, bear with my illustration.

Take a moment to think about your mother. Now imagine you are her only child. One evening you are playing with other kids in your compound and armed men burst in. They inform everyone that they are there to kill every child in the compound, but because of some reason I don't know, they give your mother the opportunity to choose just one child to be saved. Which child would your mother pick over you?

Unconditional love means that it doesn't matter that the child nearest to you isn't your mother's child, she can save him/her instead of you. Would she? No?

For the religious, specifically Christians, let's look at an even purer love.

God's love
"God is love" says the Bible. John 3:16 says he loved the world so much that he sent his only begotten son. For many, that screams unconditional love. Just pause for a minute and complete the verse. The benefit of that love, eternal life, is hinged on faith in Jesus, or else destruction. A limitation or not?

Well let's go further than that. How many animals are promised such eternal life on the basis of faith in Jesus? The answer shows that man is unique, and why not? He was created in God's image. That in itself, is a condition that gives man the edge over animals. No artist would let a rascally child destroy his masterpiece without doing something about it.

Psalm 11:5 says that God hates anyone who loves violence. That makes it plain. Our desires and resultant actions can lose us God's love. Unconditional love?

Love for total strangers
This probably is the closest one can get to unconditional, for the recipient of the love shown is not the person's creation neither is he a relative or friend. However there still is a condition.

Imagine a man who braves blazing fire to get into a house. He believes there are children in there. As he gets in, he notices a litter of helpless baby rats huddled against a corner trying to get as far away from the flames as possible. Would he stop to save the baby rats or continue the search for the human children?

Your guess is as good as mine. The children would be a priority because they are human. There you have your condition.


LOVE AND SELFLESSNESS
Let me quickly correct a possible perception. This article wasn't written to make love in any form seem selfish or impure.

That man who constantly gives of himself and strives to remain faithful just to make his lady happy, even when she doesn't always appreciate it...

That faithful woman who gives her all because she genuinely wants the best for her man, even when there's that lingering possibility that she might lose it all in a blink.

That father who would rather take a bullet in the head than let his family members get hurt, or jumps into a river when he cannot swim, because he cannot watch his child drown...

That mother who would ferociously stand between her child and death, and do whatever it takes...

That person who believes that every other human should be given another shot at life, against the backdrop of the world's racist, tribalist and xenophobic tendencies...

All these are examples of selfless love which take different forms. Been conditional doesn't make them any less beautiful.

However when one insists that he/she must be loved absolutely, regardless of what he/she does or does not do, it reveals the self-centred nature inherent in most humans. A nature that seeks to receive without having to give anything.

Love can be selfless, love can be true, and love can be enduring. Do your part, make yourself loveable, love selflessly and appreciate the imperfect love shown to you. Maybe we can somehow make the world a better place, at least for those we love.

Just maybe.

© 2015 Oahray

falconey:
yeah thanks a lot, I don't read my posts before I post them. I'll work on that.

you're welcome sah

falconey:
Ok I see its not lucid enough for you to comprehend.

I dated couple of girls that cooked for me. I also tasted my sister's dishes.

lol. Na you no write am well. Everything that comes after the dated in your sentence, is the object that receives the action of dating, including your sister.

Express yourself clearly as it's not your readers' duty to assume what you meant.

falconey:
HMMMM OK let's leave the tribe iss aside.

Now what's the cause and your recommendation on modern girls and kitchen?

And how come a man is the best chef in the world?

I don't think there's anything wrong with a man being able to cook. Cooking isn't the same as having periods, that is naturally restricted to femalefolk.

A man who has passion for cooking should be able to cook better than a lady who does it only out of a sense of duty. It's a no brainer really.

falconey:
most people will agree with me that 65% of modern girls can't cook properly(I don't mean indomie,eba,spaghetti) , by that I mean delicious foods that can make a man go crazy and love you more.

Men/guys love food(delicious food precisely), I found out recently the current BEST COOK IN THE WORLD IS A MAN.

Even the chef of THE PRESIDENT of NIGERIA is also a man so is the incoming president.

I dated couple of girls that cooked for me including my sister but none can be compared to my mum's dishes.
I thought when you learn from your teacher you can even do better than him/she.

When it comes to girls and food its something else, guys what is the cause of this and what do you recommend?

wait! You dated your own sister?

According to the Oxford dictionary, being temperamental means being "liable to unreasonable changes of mood."

If you have restricted it to violent anger, you are wrong. We all know whose moods change erratically at least a few days every month, or as the hormonal imbalance leads.

Mehn, I like this! I think say na only me the matter dey irritate.

It's the reason every girl out there wants to style, no matter how empty she is upstairs (she has ass, what would she need brains for?). No matter how bereft she is of manners, there's always at least one silly boy who would roll in the mud, praising her to high heavens.

Dem full this romance section.

Ok, after all said, what is the conclusion of the matter?

DExplorer where have you been sef?