₦airaland Forum

Lexusgs430:
They also send soldiers to war with equipments and boots, not fight for purpose........

Whilst they earn almost £80K per annum, relaxing and waving fingers.......

I say no more.......

Even upon all the equipment,the PTSD suffered by soldiers is immense and a lot of times, life limiting.A lot live with crippling anxiety,some go on to commit suicide or commit crimes.

I am glad there are doctor groups for support where they are able to vent and express the way they truly feel.I am hoping other health workers have similar and also that there's more professional support for those that will certainly need it.

BMA has been agitating that the final year nurses and doctors who are being pushed to the frontline without being adequately prepared are numerated accordingly with support put in place in the workplace but the press has somehow managed to twist it into something else,lol

RIP to the beautiful staff who have died and for them lack of PPE is a common factor.

I watched the daughter of one of them trying to make sense of what happened.

Their deaths were avoidable but this sort of thing is what the public subconsciously like to read about/ want to believe about healthcare workers .
I do not blame them,I believe that it is a way to manage ones anxiety,the belief that there is someone out there willing to die in your place can be quite reassuring.


The after effects of this COVID on mental health is going to be a tsunami.

@marylandcakes

I'm not sure your neighbor will be able to do anything about their bully apart from making sure it doesn't leave their home.

Their cat was practically staring down your own boldly(his/her body language was predatory), while yours was on the defensive and trying to give jabs prematurely till she was knocked down and chased too.

Perhaps she is still afraid and may have to remain indoors more for a period of time while her confidence builds back.

I'm sure the bully will be waiting outside every night to deal.with her,he/she seems like an expert at it.

Sorry o.

Finally,I rest my case.note the underlined.*under NO obligation*

As reported in the news.

salford1:
My wife said covid has turned me to a prayer warrior.i replied that it's because I love and care about her.

Keep praying oo,it is very necessary!

There will always be a difference in opinion between actual medics and their families Vs lay men.

People have a lot of romanticism about medicine, viewing medical staff as some sort of martyrs willing to do anything,sacrifice their health and wellbeing even up to death.

It doesn't take a lot for that same populace to turn on you,again a quick example is the junior doctor strike and how hostile the public were.

You should be grateful for your pay,put up and shut up. Adequate rest? Deal with it later.Make a mistake ? GMC will come after you,families will hound you,some doctors and nurses have committed suicide from the hounding leaving behind loved ones.

A huge percentage of the medics have wised up and realised they are only loved by the public when they are perceived to be willing to die.If you dare mention better pay you get the textbook response: Shameless doctor,you only care about money,you're in it for the money.

Any agitation,people start to bring in their ideologies about what a doctor/ nurse should be.

What of the expectation for medics to cherish patients more than themselves or their families?

A medic is first and foremost a human being before being a doctor, nurse,care worker etc.

I have read about being fair weather,lol. Excellent surgeons have almost no empathy,they are competent and methodical and most are on the path of self preservation.I wonder if that makes them fair weather as well,lol

Medics deserve a life,they deserve to see their families,they did NOT sign up to die.


This realisation of how they are regarded has accounted for the haemorrhaging of doctors from the UK to places where they are appreciated and have a better work life balance.

Go and speak to family members of medics ,they will voice their fears..fear of losing dad, mum, sister, brother,uncle,aunt etc

I read a newspaper today where they reported that managers have told medics not to rescusitate covid pxts due to lack of PPE and there was some anger in the comments,lol

They except that you do resus , because IT IS YOUR JOB.Get infected? Sorry. Die? A minute of silence. What happens to your children? your spouse? your mortgage?

Will they say : Haaa this doctor/ nurse died from Covid,all debts will be cancelled? Free University? Free counselling for family?? Naaa! Highest 2 months and you will be forgotten.

Of course some medics will be more altruistic than others ..there are some to whom medicine is their life,it is alright but if you dig deep,their family usually suffers as they are the ones sacrificed on the altar of medicine.

Same type of human beings are found dotted in every occupation,the soldier who will jump ontop.of a grenade for his comrade,the policeman who will shield his partner etc. It is praiseworthy and commendable but the reality is that these people are few and far between, majority of humans are not that magnanimous no matter the profession.

Fortunately or Unfortunately, medics have realised that they deserve a life as well.A medic begins to think..my family? My children?

A massive percentage of medics love their patients but it gets to a point where they start wondering.. no one gives a damn about you in reality. All they want is treatment, perfection and if you die while doing it,so be it. You cannot voice human fears,you cannot say you want to live long and live well.

When the chips are down,they do not care.No one cares. You are only valued when you are seen to be suffering to earn the badge of selfless medic who would put country before self and family .

Police men,fire services and co observe health and safety rules when doing a rescue and will not put themselves in the line of fire without adequate cover.
Will an engineer be sent to.a site without his helmet ? NEVER. They must adhere to health and safety. But a medic? It is their job,the risk they signed up for.

I like how people are comfortable with the doling out of paper masks plus the faux outrage about PPE shortage..Listen to the news and see how it is politically dodged.The PPE has been on the way since eternity,lol.

Look at the guidance, completely different from WHO standard but no one wants to know..line them up like soldiers ,if they drop,it is their job.Hightest,we test for antibodies when convenient.No one really cares.

Hero or Heroine? They sure didn't beg to be elevated to that status.They have been put up there to enforce the romanticism while being pushed to almost certain illness/death.You are only a hero because you would risk yourself even till death,did they beg for the praise?

It's all selfish,it does take a lot of self introspection to realise this.
I'm not against the selfishness,it is inherent and a natural human reaction.

What matters is my response to that.I know what and whom I will be choosing.

I will NEVER watch someone suffer but after my near brush with an asymptomatic man who later turned out to be covid and the near breakdown I had,the risk I posed to my at risk family ,the flippancy of management,I have given myself brain.

Same sentiment is echoed by a lot of colleagues who come into work riddled with fear and anxiety.

I will ALWAYS do my best but with clear boundaries.

Medicine is a JOB, not a lifestyle.
When you sit across from a doctor or nurse and they're nice to you,it's still part of the job. Your wellbeing within reasonable limits is part of their job description.
It may sound cruel and cold but it is what it is.

The sooner people realise this and remove their rose tinted glasses,the less the clapping ,the more the focus on the practicalities,the better.

It is usually a pointless exercise to discuss this with non medics anyways so it's best to save venting for med groups or family members who actually love and care about you.

Lexusgs430:
What about bitter kola?.....

I am firmly on this bitter Kola table and also recruited my children.

It is actually a choking hazard so best to chew before falling asleep .E nor dey melt like Tom Tom

I can attest to the fact that it helps with cough,I don't know what is inside it.

Lexusgs430:
NHS Doctors & Nurses, are not soldiers..... I don't think anyone signed up to die (like the Army).... PPE's are also so inadequate.... Feels like sending people to an AK47 war, with a bread knife.....

Totally understand what you mean and it feels like it's a taboo to even voice these fears as people actually believe the job = acceptance of all the risks including death.

There's an American nurse who's boss put her to work on the floor with covids and the lady said she's not doing again. She received a lot of abuse online.
I know those responses are also as a result of fear.

Shaa no one is safe,if you're not one of the "die for my country type" ,just know when to time your retreat.

No be only you waka come.

Stay safe.

Lexusgs430:
We already have 3 positives on admission, from my team.....

Two on High Dependency Unit (HDU).......

Not looking good, i am already having weird thoughts in my head..... Some battles are not worth fighting, regardless.........

Oga what kind of weird thoughts?Double mind don set in?

Fear is a very legitimate emotion to feel and acknowledge,it's also alright to want to be selfish and think of yourself and your loved ones.

The problem with this virus is that it's unpredictable, they say young people are able to recover ,they're not dying as much etc but how do you know you won't be that one person that will die?

There's also no clarity as to how unwell you have to be to go to A&E ,that's how that black mother of 3 died.

If you have to catch Rona ,catch it now there's still beds.

Good luck..

Innobee99:
Thanks......
But ur contribution adds no meaning to this thread sir

Sorry o.

Another innocent child brought into a dysfunctional family setting through no fault of her own.

Next thing co parenting will be wahala,fighting everyday.

Now this chick will be a much maligned single mother and if she wants to get ahead in life,her new partner may ask her to keep the child with relatives so the relationship can thrive OR the man will take this child and raise her in an environment where she will feel like a second class citizen.

Use condoms you people will not hear.


Abortions should be legalized.

Chief Medical Officer Whitty also self isolating with symptoms of covid.He didn't say if he tested. So 3 ogas at the top.

These are our leading figures who are not even working inside hospitals ooo singing happy birthday and washing hand.

Imagine how contagious the doctors and nurses are.

We are safer locked up at home at this rate!

Aphrodite007:
When we clapped yesterday, my husband was furious that we should be fighting the govt, not clapping. Exactly what you’ve said now.

Regardless, politics shouldn’t stop me from praising someone that’s risking it all for me.

I'm glad to know I'm not alone,infact the more the clapping increased,the greater my anger swelled.
I thought I would explode from the bad belle I was feeling

The general public has a voice and could be louder about their worries about the front line staff,it is interesting that they've chosen to cry over "stay at home to save the NHS" than "front line staff should not work without adequate protection".

If there is an aggressive agitation for PPE or a threat not to work due to the great risk,the same hand clappers will turn on medics.

Italian clappers and Spanish clappers @ least are clapping for their medical staff who are decked out properly and protected.

I cannot forget how shabbily they were treated by this same public when they went on strike for the enforcement of the junior doctor rota by Mr Hunt.

Fact is subconsciously,people have accepted that medical staff will be casualties,it is our innate nature to be selfish,after all who will care for all the covids if they down tools ,better they treat and die than not treat at all...we have decided to make them out as heroes instead to assuage our conscience.

No one is asking whether they volunteered this 'heroism' .A lot of staff are plagued by anxiety,some in tears at the thought of showing up to work.

I also need to point out that a lot of then are not willing to risk their lives but are doing it because they have no choice but still genuinely care for their patients.


Laid bare like this,it sounds terrible but it is what it is.

Even Oga Charley and grandkids were clapping inspite of getting tested with mild symptoms despite thousands of medical staff feeling sick at home and posing a risk to their families.

I understand the hand clapping is a way to express gratitude but no one should bring it to my face especially the pot bangers.

Yes oo people signed up to be nurses ,doctors etc but no one signed up to die.If you die,NHS will replace you the same day. This whole public fawning about OUR NHS heroes just makes me feel sick

I even forgot to say that as a.medic even if you are unwell,you won't jump the queue for testing despite the risk you have taken. You will be at home with your symptoms till you are very sick like everyone else.

I don't know why it's paining me like this

She is just 18,she probably has not come into herself ,her personality is still emerging.Even neurodevelopmentally,her brain has not matured.

By the time she is 25,she may realise she would never have chosen to be with someone like you.What then happens if she hits this sort of crisis?

The age difference is too wide for her current age ,if she was 27 and you 41,it's the same age gap but with her being more mature.

There must be older virgins out there,closer to your own age who will be willing to sacrifice their hymen to receive your love.

It is likely her family is poor and using you as a poverty alleviation project. It is not very common in 2020 for well to do parents to give away their teenage child unless you are in the north.

If she's moving to a developed country,it's only a matter of time before she begins to ask herself questions.

I think teenagers should be left alone to enjoy that phase of their lives.

The probability that this will end in tears further down the line is high but you never know..you may be the exception.

Good luck

Bride price should be abolished but there are a lot of kind, stable Nigerian men who despite paying bride price do not treat their wives as chattel and see their wives as equal partners.or whatever formula that works for them.

A decent human being will keep being decent no matter what.

Besides, marriage is going out of fashion, hopefully it will be abolished soon too so we can have a society where people can co parent peacefully if they choose to procreate ,people who want monogamy will choose themselves while the rest will remain free for all.

End result will be lack of frustration for all parties.

Afromentalist:
I am not concerned dearie, I could not care less.

What I am saying is that, the OP has as much right to take the daughter as she is. He is the father of the child too.

Concerning her love for her husband, it is clearly not high, she was likely a desperate evening newspaper looking for a mugu to marry her and endure the havoc that made her first husband to run away in the first place. Eyes don clear, mugu don wise up and ran for him life. I can't blame him. He waited too much sef

Nobody benefits from separating a child from mother or father.
You end up with a child that is severely traumatized with consequences in relationships in future.
What is fair is an adult discussion,sitting down and splitting custody so the child does not lose out.

Love is not everything..sometimes people inspite of being in love have to make decisions for the greater good and I believe that is why she is crying for her daughter not the man himself.

Many parents whether male or female would make this same decision .

I'm sure he can settle himself somewhere but will he expect another woman to care for and accommodate his daughter from a broken relationship,or will he dump the daughter and start afresh?

Sadly,he has also put himself in the same situation that he is leaving.


Sometimes it is better to be truthful to oneself.

A lot of men/women would love the child of another,another group will not..

It is not a crime to refuse to be with a single mother or father,it is not a crime to be a single mother or father either.It is horrible when they are villified for it,and then end up casting aspersions on innocent children, automatically making children from single parent homes to have low self esteem by default.

We as a society are creating monsters.

We should understand ourselves enough to know when our capacity to give love is limited. It is alright and very acceptable,not many of us can be that magnanimous.

It becomes unfortunate when people tell lies,get into relationships ,then go back on their word and start maltreating the child as evidenced by his behaviour to the 11 year old.

Water should always find it's level and people should not get into relationships that they will be unable to.cope with. Any child, whether your biological one or adopted will take up a lot of attention in their formative years.

If a person cannot manage this,it's best to avoid women or men who already have children.

Parenting is a thankless job that only people who actually have children can understand and that is why comments here strike me as immature .

I actually avoid back and forth discussions so will end it here .

I wish them all the best.

Afromentalist:
is the child not his child too? Did he take a child that is not his?

When will you women stop this egoistical mentality ?

Are you bothered because I said the OP isn't concerned that the man left?
She said it in her write up,I didn't.
How is that a bad thing?
She went nak ed because he left with her daughter.
I guess in her list of priorities,his leaving doesn't rank that highly.

I don't understand why it is important to you that she is in pain over him?

You equate that to feminine ego? Lol

It is what it is.

Una continue your arguments..doesn't change anything.

People should stop remarrying,end of.

If you have money and have child,don't remarry.

From what I gather,she's swearing and crying because the man left with her other child NOT because he left so I don't understand what people are saying abi they're trying to twist the story?

Madam you made the right decision by sticking up for your child.Your husband also did well by leaving as he would have re traumatized your son with his behaviour.

While he reneged on your agreement,at least it is obvious to you that he cannot love your son.It's not his fault that he cannot ,he is not obligated to so perhaps it is in your best interest for him to find his own way than live with him causing irreparable damage to the boy.

Adults should keep their issues away from children.

Why are you leaving everything to God instead of going through the court? I don't really understand this way of thinking.You should be able to see your other child or you risk her thinking you abandoned her.

I don't understand why people remarry.You have money,you have child,why marry again?

Companionship can be bought or can be on part time basis to scratch certain itches.

A child did not ask to be brought into this world,every parent worth their salt knows this.

It is very dangerous to have a spouse who views a child as a competitor for attention. Children have their place,spouses have their place.Till a child grows up fully,it is reasonable for their interests to be put above yours as a parent to a certain extent until a balance is struck.


Nawa

It is as if there's a general acceptance that NHS workers are willing to die.

Clapping is coming from a good place but I believe NHS staff will benefit more from public outrage due to the lack of PPE available to staff.

The correct PPE used by all other countries was downgraded in the UK ,PHengland issued guidelines different to that mandated by WHO on protective gear citing lack of evidence so staff are pushed into seeing suspected and confirmed covid with non ffp3 masks unless performing aerosol generating eg suction. This whole thing is just shocking.

Upon all the space gear, Italy and co are putting on, hospital staff are making up about 14% of deaths( I'm not completely certain of the percentage) and yet the government is not afraid to send someone out in plastic bags and paper masks.

Oya test staff, no way.The testing the government is bleating about is antibody testing which is not what will show staff if they have the disease but rather will show if they had it.I still do not understand their rationale. If other countries have done it,why can't they?

When someone coughs near me now ,I feel like I'm having a mini stroke.My whole face changes,my soul crying "wetin be this one now".Oga is this new cough or old cough?

Best thing is to avoid any hospital if you can,the doctor seeing you may be dashing you free covid.

The over 500 dead are real human beings,it's easy to see them as numbers but they represent loved ones.

Everyone is afraid.

@claremont
Are you in buy buy stock mode or sell sell?
What are you buying and what platform do you use?
Do you think it's worth subscribing to motley Fool?
Stock market is so.daunting and confusing for jjc.Where can one start from?

If you do not want her there,insist on it and do not budge.

This is not an issue that you should compromise on.

It is your body,it is your birthing experience and it should be the way you want it,all things being equal.


I have never heard of MIL being in the birthing room without consent of the person birthing.
I usually even assumed that it's the mother of the female that is the first presence after birth?

First birth attachment is usually with mother ,those first few hours are delicate and should be a happy,calm Environment for your family not one filled with anxiety .


There is no attachment theory for grandmother.
The most important bond in first few hours of life is mother and child.

DO NOT BUDGE,if you let her steamroll you two in this,she will never stop.

You don't even need to be rude about it,if she insists on talking to you about it,just politely explain and say no.

She will get over it.

I don't know why you guys are involving the whole world.Are you afraid of her? Simple discussion to tell her she should not come till you both are ready and that will sort it.

Your house,your rules.When you go to her own house,you follow her own rules.

She may not necessarily be a bad person,just one who needs the boundaries spelled out to her in black and white


On the other issues,well,the way you two run the house is your choice.Just remember the way you start is they way you will continue forever.
Learn to stand for yourself,stop waiting for husband to stick up for you.Be polite but firm about your choices and decisions.

Not everyone is deserving of an explanation.
Life is too short.


Have a safe and wonderful delivery.

@cityqueengirl
Check if he has hacked your WhatsApp.
A lot of people here give advice for hacking it,so they receive and can read every information you also receive on your phone.

Serious invasion of privacy.

All these women that over do.
Forming over friendly homie with husband friend so that they'll say you're good and nice.
Very irritating.

You have not said the reason why you shouted meaning that you think you were unreasonable.
Was it small shout or raskimono style?
Did you insult him?

You've apologised,keep it in and preserve your dignity.

This one you're so desperate,are you afraid he will encourage your husband to.indulge in naughty acts and you want him close just so you can monitor them?

Face your life madam,I hope you have a job.

Kennedyiheme:
lol I'm not poor.. run an online business... my own boss .. on monday go to the work they employed you to collect 50k a month.. anofia

poor people and high BP.

Kennedyiheme:
you're just yarning dust... offpoint... so as everyother woman and emasculated men on this thread.. aunty go and sleep.. this night ask your bf for money before you sleep.. we know you people that form independent on social media

Chaiiiii e pain am let me go and beg my rich woman for money
Poor people and ranting

Kennedyiheme:
is it the same circle of people with a high divorce rate?

Is it not the same wealthy people you're using as example?

Marriage must not last forever. Is it not Igando court divorces we see here everyday.
Whether rich or poor ,human being will remain one.
Life goes on.

Kennedyiheme:
people think civilisation will change the laws of nature, when i see women like rita dominic or linda ikeji that tried to change the rules of life i just laugh, just look at them now... no matter how much technology or how much civilisation this world becomes, it will never change... do you know an average woman with 3 kids and a husband is more respected than a $400billion dollar woman with no family or kids?... lets tell ourselves the truth a woman with no family but riches has failed in life.. so you drive your diamond crusted rolls royce, only you inside, no kids.. you open the door to you $20million dollar house, na only you dey inside... omg the depression wey go hold that woman ehn... i pity any woman who attempts it...

@ bolded
I'm assuming you are talking of Nigeria?
I guess you can only speak about the extent of your exposure.

I think it's usually poor men that rant on the internet.
In my mind I'm rich and we'll travelled so this does not apply to me

Kennedyiheme:
exactly.. so thats where the problem is.. if you cant date down then you'll remain alone... someone like dangote wouldn't marry a woman who wouldn't have the time to do chores... yes he has maids, but if the maid plays the role of the wife then his wife becomes useless

Goes to show you have never been in the circles of the wealthy.
They do not marry for chores or food most marry for companionship ,children or furthering the blood line
There's servants to do the rest.

Engagement Davido style Abi ?

Baby mama tinz ? Engage today,marry in 100 years.

You think it's every family that wants 9 month pregnant belly on wedding day or wedding blessing 10 years after baby drops.

I see you're looking for how to destroy her life ,stop her career and saddle her with a new baby while your own life goes on.

Madam is not ready to bring a baby into a poverty stricken lifestyle that's why she's wanting to pass her exams and start off her career.

Good she is thinking of herself and her future first.If things go bad, and you disappear, she will.have to put her life on hold to raise her child while you move on to the next.

If you were such a sanctimonious guy,you should have resisted sex before marriage but you were kpanshing raw.

Next time,use condoms to avoid stories that touch.

streetsoldier1:
I tried all I could to save face , just have to end it all after discovering that the single mother I married still contact her ex regularly...
Despite forgiving her several errors even while we got engaged, she still have the guts under my roof to mess up.
Warning guys, never ever marry a single mother that has been messed up!!!
6years was messed up!!!

You still sound pained.
The Lod is your Sheppard.
Maybe your gbola is bitter.
Pele my buroda.
Time to move on.

Op should not marry,it's not by force.
He will cause his wife untold pain plus infections.
Marriage will not change man addicted to prostitutes.
Stay single and do what you do best.

MrBrownJay1:
- the home has already been destroyed (by the husband)
- better for children to have 2 happy parents that dont live together, than 2 miserable ones living together
- why stay married to this useless man if she needs another one to shine her honey pot?
- do you believe every woman is a slut like their cheating husband
- when the husband finally catch a deadly disease from these oloshos and die, do you think there will be peace and joy?

Brother I understand but both sides cheating does not mean they are unhappy,sexually they are not fitting.

Is not reason to end marriage.
Each finds best person to shine the fakafiki.

Man is cheating he's happy
Woman is cheating she is happy
No.more complaints on the house.

They also.use condoms with eachother so no disease

In the end everybody happy, shidren happy.No break up homes.