Phate07's Posts
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 Romance › Re: Comparison And Relationships by Phate07(m): 9:07pm On Dec 05, 2010 |
It is normal to compare, cos no matter what, you'll still see a better looking girl.  |
| Food › Re: Oha Soup : My Favourite! by Phate07(m): 9:04pm On Dec 05, 2010 |
~peeps in through the window, sees George and runs away.~  |
| Romance › Re: Qualities of good husband & wife by Phate07(m): 8:52pm On Dec 05, 2010 |
[quote author=Mrs, Eve link=topic=562241.msg7276992#msg7276992 date=1291577964]Nawl the good husband is that fat weasel between his legs!  [/quote]Nay, thats a quality of a good lover!  |
| Romance › Re: Qualities of good husband & wife by Phate07(m): 8:01pm On Dec 05, 2010 |
Quality of a good husband >>>> Fat bank account!  |
| Romance › Re: One Thing You Cannot Tolerate In A Relationship by Phate07(m): 8:00pm On Dec 05, 2010 |
Princek12: Ahh, dude nearly made me break my screen with his crazy font. @topic, i hate unfaithfulness! |
| Romance › Re: First Love by Phate07(m): 7:49pm On Dec 05, 2010 |
Anybody can be replaced! |
| Nairaland General › Re: Latest Nairaland Romance Rules! by Phate07(m): 7:26pm On Dec 05, 2010 |
Battery ===> Official Romance Section Crackhead of the Year! |
| Romance › Re: Guys What If Your Lady Got To Know You Lost Your Virginty To Her: by Phate07(m): 7:12pm On Dec 05, 2010 |
stevetboy9: Like who? You, have you not self-serviced yourself before? |
| Romance › Re: Can U Alow Ur Garl To Use Bb Phone by Phate07(m): 12:59pm On Dec 05, 2010 |
Why not? If she wants to cheat, she can and would, regardless of how or what means. |
| Romance › Re: Advice For Women by Phate07(m): 12:51pm On Dec 05, 2010 |
**boring!** |
| Romance › Re: Guys What If Your Lady Got To Know You Lost Your Virginty To Her: by Phate07(m): 12:50pm On Dec 05, 2010 |
Guys are never virgins, ever! **cos of self-service!** |
| Family › Re: Marriage,wife And Phone by Phate07(m): 12:40pm On Dec 05, 2010 |
Weddings are special, so no disturbance. |
| Nairaland General › Re: Latest Nairaland Romance Rules! by Phate07(m): 12:36pm On Dec 05, 2010 |
**boring** |
| Jokes Etc › Re: Jokes Factory by Phate07(op): 8:11am On Dec 05, 2010 |
The Navy found they had too many officers and decided to offer an early retirement bonus. They promised any officer who volunteered for retirement a bonus of $1000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two points in his body. The officer got to choose what those two points would be. The first officer who accepted, asked that he be measured from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. He was measured at six feet and walked out with a bonus of $72,000. The second officer who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be measured from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. He walked out with $96,000. The third one was a grizzly old Captain who, when asked where he would like to be measured replied "from the tip of my penis to my testicles." It was suggested by the pension man that he may want to reconsider, explaining about the nice checks the previous two officers had received. But the old Captain insisted and they decided to go along with him providing the measurement was taken by a medical officer. The medical officer arrived and instructed the Captain to "drop 'em," which he did. The medical officer placed the tape measure on the tip of the Captain's penis and began to work back. "My God!" he suddenly exclaimed, "Where are your testicles?" The Captain calmly replied "Vietnam." |
| Jokes Etc › Re: Jokes Factory by Phate07(op): 8:07am On Dec 05, 2010 |
A redhead walks into a sports bar around 9:58 PM. She sits down next to this blonde at the bar and stares up at the TV. The 10:00 news was on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump. The redhead turns to the blonde and says, "You know, I bet he'll jump." The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't." The redhead placed $20 dollars on the bar and said, "You're on!" Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy did a swan dive off of the building, falling to his death. The blonde was very upset and handed her $20 dollars to the redhead and said, "All is fair. Here is your money." The redhead replies, "Honey, I can't take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5 o'clock news and knew he would jump." The blonde replies, "I did too, but I didn't think he'd do it again" |
| Jokes Etc › Re: Jokes Factory by Phate07(op): 8:01am On Dec 05, 2010 |
During a recent password audit at our company, it was found that a blonde receptionist was using the following password: MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramento When asked why she had such a long password, she said she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital!  |
| Jokes Etc › Re: Jokes Factory by Phate07(op): 7:56am On Dec 05, 2010 |
A man goes into the plumbing supply store and says “I bought a bathtub here last week, but it keeps leaking. ” The clerk asks, “Did you put a plug in it?” The customer becomes upset. “ Plug in it? You didn’t tell me it was an electric tub!” |
| Jokes Etc › Re: Jokes Factory by Phate07(op): 7:48am On Dec 05, 2010 |
The huge college freshman figured he'd try out for the football team. "Can you tackle?" asked the coach. "Watch this," said the freshman, who proceeded to run smack into a telephone pole, shattering it to splinters "Wow," said the coach. "I'm impressed. Can you run?" "Of course I can run," said the freshman. He was off like a shot, and in just over nine seconds, he had run a hundred yard dash. "Great!" enthused the coach. "But can you pass a football?" The freshman rolled his eyes, hesitated for a few seconds. "Well, sir," he said, "if I can swallow it, I can probably pass it." |
| Jokes Etc › Re: Jokes Factory by Phate07(op): 7:44am On Dec 05, 2010 |
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says, 'Whats the story'? He replies, 'Just crap in the carburetor'? She asks, 'How often do I have to do that'? |
| Jokes Etc › Re: Jokes Factory by Phate07(op): 7:32am On Dec 05, 2010 |
Three guys were sitting in a biker bar. This man came in, he was already drunk, sat down at the bar and ordered a drink. The man looked around and saw the 3 men sitting at a corner table. He got up, staggered to the table, leaned over, looked the biggest one in the face and said, "I went by your grandma's house and I saw her in the hallway, buck naked. Man, she is fine!" The biker looked at him and didn't say a word. His buddies were confused, because he was a bad ass, and would fight at he drop of a hat. The drunk leaned on the table again and said, "I got it on with your grandma and she is good, the best I ever had!" The biker still said nothing. His buddies were starting to get mad. The drunk leaned on the table again and said, "I'll tell you something else boy, your grandma liked it!" The biker stood up, took the drunk by the shoulder and said, "Damn it, grandpa, you're drunk. Go home!" |
| Jokes Etc › Re: Jokes Factory by Phate07(op): 7:26am On Dec 05, 2010 |
An old cowboy went to a bar and ordered a drink. As he sat sipping his whiskey, a young lady sat down next to him. She turned to the cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?" He replied, "Well, I've spent my whole life on the ranch, herding horses, mending fences, and branding cattle, so I guess I am." She said, "I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, I think about women. As I watch TV, or even eat, I think about women. Everything seems to make me think about women." The two sat sipping in silence. A short time later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?" He replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out that I'm a lesbian." |
| Jokes Etc › Re: Jokes Factory by Phate07(op): 10:30pm On Dec 04, 2010 |
A man, whose level of drunkenness was bordering on the absurd, stood up to leave a bar and fell flat on his face. "Maybe all I need is some fresh air," thought the man as he crawled outside. He tried to stand up again, but fell face first into the mud. "Screw it," he thought. "I'll just crawl home." The next morning, his wife found him on the doorstep asleep. "You went out drinking last night, didn't you?" she said. "Uh, yes," he said sheepishly. "How did you know?" "You left your wheelchair at the bar again." |
| Forum Games › Re: The Lol Craze- Say Any Crazy Or silly Thing, But Make Sure You Put Lol. by Phate07(op): 10:27pm On Dec 04, 2010 |
And Obama is a Nigerian lol. Wats up, sweery. |
| Nairaland General › Re: Efemena_XY Emerges Jokes Section Best Poster Of The Year 2010 by Phate07(m): 10:23pm On Dec 04, 2010 |
Ok, how much is the crown worth? Or it just bragging rights? |
| Jokes Etc › Re: Jokes Factory by Phate07(op): 10:17pm On Dec 04, 2010 |
Why I Fired My Secretary Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up on that morning. I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, 'Happy Birthday!', and possibly have a small present for me. As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone ' Happy Birthday.' I thought, Well, that's marriage for you, but the kids, They will remember. My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast and didn't say a word. So when I left for the office, I felt pretty low and somewhat despondent. As I walked into my office, my secretary Jane said, 'Good Morning Boss, and by the way Happy Birthday ! ' It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered. I worked until one o'clock , when Jane knocked on my door and said, 'You know, It's such a beautiful day outside, and it is your Birthday, what do you say we go out to lunch, just you and me.' I said, 'Thanks, Jane, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go !' We went to lunch. But we didn't go where we normally would go. She chose instead at a quiet bistro with a private table. We had two martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously. On the way back to the office, Jane said, 'You know, It's such a beautiful day, We don't need to go straight back to the office, Do we ?' I responded, 'I guess not. What do you have in mind?' She said, 'Let's drop by my apartment, it's just around the corner.' After arriving at her apartment, Jane turned to me and said, 'Boss, if you don't mind, I'm going to step into the bedroom for just a moment. I'll be right back.' 'Ok.' I nervously replied. She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake , Followed by my wife, my kids, and dozens of my friends and co-workers, all singing 'Happy Birthday'. And I just sat there, On the couch, NAK-ED. |
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