Good evening nlders I’ll be very brief and precise .This thing has been bothering my mind and I felt I should seek for reasonable and experienced opinions from senior men them on this forum .

The issue is .. is it a bad thing to cook in my Brothers house (although he has a wife and kids ) .His wife felt bad yesterday cus I cooked small okra and Eba cus I was hungry . The only food she likes me to cook in her kitchen is indomie . I feel if there Is love what’s there if I cook anything I want to eat in the kitchen .must I always take permission to cook

Pls I want to know if it’s right or wrong

Front page pls

as for me, there is nothing wrong with that inasmuch she didn't cook the eba, but before you do this make sure they have enough not that they are managing themselves, so you should cook for others to eat. As for me as the wife, I'll be glad to eat from it if it's sweet I don't see anything wrong with it. But if she doesn't like it please let it be like that please, don't let her hate you, pray to God to help you get your own house to be free as you like.

You've done nothing wrong.

When next you go there, without permission, locate their tubers of yam. Cook and make pounded yam. Locate their soup and enjoy your life. After all it's your brother's house.

Alainilakaye.

tolakush92:
The issue is .. is it a bad thing to cook in my Brothers house (although he has a wife and kids ) .His wife felt bad yesterday cus I cooked small okra and Eba cus I was hungry . The only food she likes me to cook in her kitchen is indomie . I feel if there Is love what’s there if I cook anything I want to eat in the kitchen .must I always take permission to cook
Pls I want to know if it’s right or wrong

You cook okra soup for only yourself or for the entire household?

Did you also purchase your own ingredients or did you use groceries already in the house to do this?

Is your brother an extremely rich man or does his house also operate on a food budget like most homes do?

And lastly, did you at least clean up after yourself or did you expect that his wife will clean up for you?

The way I see it, there isn't nothing wrong with cooking even if in a friend's house. However, there could be everything wrong with how you do it.

Go and rent your own house
That's the only place you are allowed to swim in and out of the kitchen without permission.

Since you don't know that there is something called unwritten rule and one of such is that you don't go into a family kitchen without their consent.

TheStakeHolder:
You've done nothing wrong.
When next you go there, without permission, locate their tubers of yam. Cook and make pounded yam. Locate their soup and enjoy your life. After all it's your brother's house.

Alainilakaye.

I hope this is sarcasm!

You have done all wrong , no matter how rich she is or educated , in the African context you have broken into her kitchen , without her permission it’s not allowed , even amongst women , it’s a thing of trust , except permitted do not do such it’s seen as treachery, she knows how she has rationed her food stock and poisoning a full family starts from the kitchen or around, she’s accountable for her kitchen and keeping it clean , so as what ever comes out of it , it’s so bad that some woman don’t let their husbands or sons into the kitchen,
1, their body de hot when them de cook they are under pressure and heat , them fit use hot oil teach you lesson quietly self
2, it disorganises them
3, it’s dangerous accidents occur
4 , for safety reasons strangers and visitors in their kitchen due to African wickedness could drop harmful substances in the pot
5 , some woman frown at opening their pots
6 ,you are a guest , forget your brother only when she loves you as an inlaw she would permit you in

Your brother's house is equally his wife's home. Just as your father's siblings had to respect boundaries (believing they did) when he started his own nuclear family, so should you.

When it comes to your brother's house, his nuclear family (wife and kids) rank up before you.

godofuck231:
You have done all wrong , no matter how rich she is or educated , in the African context you have broken into her kitchen , without her permission it’s not allowed , even amongst women , it’s a thing of trust , except permitted do not do such it’s seen as treachery, she knows how she has rationed her food stock and poisoning a full family starts from the kitchen or around, she’s accountable for her kitchen and keeping it clean , so as what ever comes out of it , it’s so bad that some woman don’t let their husbands or sons into the kitchen,
1, their body de hot when them de cook they are under pressure and heat , them fit use hot oil teach you lesson quietly self
2, it disorganises them
3, it’s dangerous accidents occur
4 , for safety reasons strangers and visitors in their kitchen due to African wickedness could drop harmful substances in the pot
5 , some woman frown at opening their pots
6 ,you are a guest , forget your brother only when she loves you as an inlaw she would permit you in

Oga you no dey read?
You would have avoided this long epistle if only you had read what the O.P said.
Back to O.P Until she sees you as family that's when you will have the freedom to cook and even dish from her pot.
She still sees you as a stranger and I can bet my balls, she wouldn't have acted this way if you were her brother.

It is wisdom to not overassume your rights, and your place in people's lives.

Your post suggests that you recently started living with them. You should have observed, and let the owners of the house directly or indirectly communicate to you how they want things in their home to be run.

As a rule, too, you should understand that most women are possessive of their kitchen. You shouldn't have made those assumptions that led you to cooking food in somebody's house without first seeking permission.

greenie77:
Your brother's house is equally his wife's home. Just as your father's siblings had to respect boundaries (believing they did) when he started his own nuclear family, so should you.

When it comes to your brother's house, his nuclear family (wife and kids) rank up before you.

Gbam!

What he didn't state however was if it was with his money he bought the condiments he used in cooking the food or it was from the family pantry.

Very wrong, its same as stripping her naked. kitchen is a private business strictly for the madam of the house and only with her permission can you go into her kitchen to cook, you should have simply demanded that which you cooked for yourself from her,at least you have that right.

Young Man, that's tresspassing. You should learn to respect boundaries to avoid insults.

If your brother was not married, it would have been different and you have every right to do as you wish. But as long as he's married, you'll have to wait for the owner to cook and serve you herself except of course you purchased the items with your money.

tolakush92:
Good evening nlders I’ll be very brief and precise .This thing has been bothering my mind and I felt I should seek for reasonable and experienced opinions from senior men them on this forum . The issue is .. is it a bad thing to cook in my Brothers house (although he has a wife and kids ) .His wife felt bad yesterday cus I cooked small okra and Eba cus I was hungry . The only food she likes me to cook in her kitchen is indomie . I feel if there Is love what’s there if I cook anything I want to eat in the kitchen .must I always take permission to cook

Pls I want to know if it’s right or wrong

Cc
Lalasticlala
Ishilove

Front page pls

Did any of your dad's sibling enter your mom's kitchen to cook without permission? Better drop the "my brother" house mentality

Since you are not that close with the wife (I'm guessing you are not from your write up) you ought to ask her permission before you take such step besides you still haven't cleared if you only cooked for yourself alone or the whole family because if you prepared just your own alone then that's very bad and if I was your brother I would be mad at you even before my wife does. No be this Buharic period person go dey decide to burn gas anyhow...

I’m not being funny but women born after 1990 should not have this stupid olden day mentality of the “kitchen belongs to me only”. It’s weird and stupid. The Kitchen does not belong to the wife of the house, if someone is hungry and they want to cook, let them cook. If someone wants to bath will they ask for permission before using the bathroom? What nonsense.

olabrinks:
I’m not being funny but women born after 1990 should not have this stupid olden day mentality of the “kitchen belongs to me only”. It’s weird and stupid. The Kitchen does not belong to the wife of the house, if someone is hungry and they want to cook, let them cook. If someone wants to bath will they ask for permission before using the bathroom? What nonsense.

I agree with you.

The notion that the kitchen belongs to the wife or woman is indeed absurd and an insult to everything women have been through to get to this point in time.

Anyone ought to be able to use the kitchen to eat. This Op maybe didn't properly explain wetin shele!.

Someone here said that you trespassed. I hope you know the meaning. It's a tortuous act. It's punishable in law.... hahahaha.

The kitchen belongs to your brother's wife. You can only use it at her permission. I hate to open my wife's pot.

tolakush92:
Good evening nlders I’ll be very brief and precise .This thing has been bothering my mind and I felt I should seek for reasonable and experienced opinions from senior men them on this forum . The issue is .. is it a bad thing to cook in my Brothers house (although he has a wife and kids ) .His wife felt bad yesterday cus I cooked small okra and Eba cus I was hungry . The only food she likes me to cook in her kitchen is indomie . I feel if there Is love what’s there if I cook anything I want to eat in the kitchen .must I always take permission to cook

Pls I want to know if it’s right or wrong

Cc
Lalasticlala
Ishilove

Front page pls

Did you cook for her husband?
If not, I'm sure the wife is even glad you did not stress her to cook for you.

.

Some Nigerian women always in look for problem where none never existed.

Is my kitchen.

Is my husband house.

Is my house so long I am married to your brother.

Some of you don’t know what these siblings have been through.
How they live in their home before you got married to the dude.

Make God catch you,your mother in law intervene and start hating you.You will now start accusing the devil wrongly.

Some of the advisers above are still single looking for a man to call their own.

Every mallam with his kettle.

It’s well…

olabrinks:
I’m not being funny but women born after 1990 should not have this stupid olden day mentality of the “kitchen belongs to me only”. It’s weird and stupid. The Kitchen does not belong to the wife of the house, if someone is hungry and they want to cook, let them cook. If someone wants to bath will they ask for permission before using the bathroom? What nonsense.

I'm as shocked as you are. I feel sick reading some of the comments on this thread. It's just another way to oppress someone. I couldn't imagine somebody being hungry in my home and constantly asking me for permission to eat! Like wtf!

signature2012:
Some of you don’t know what these siblings have been through.
How they live in their home before you got married to the dude.
Make God catch you,your mother in law intervene and start hating you.You will now start accusing the devil wrongly.
Some of the advisers above are still single looking for a man to call their own.
Every mallam with his kettle.
It’s well…

No matter how they supposedly lived in their home before the marriage, once your sibling leaves to enter into marriage contract with another, you have to learn to respect that contract and everything that goes with it.

Whether you all were sharing boxers, sleeping in the same bed, or not, once the one crosses over into marriage, that old regime ends and a new one begins, regardless of whether you are brother or mother-in-law.

Iyaebe:
Very wrong, its same as stripping her naked.

Lmao it’s not that serious. It can’t be na.

olabrinks:
I’m not being funny but women born after 1990 should not have this stupid olden day mentality of the “kitchen belongs to me only”. It’s weird and stupid. The Kitchen does not belong to the wife of the house, if someone is hungry and they want to cook, let them cook. If someone wants to bath will they ask for permission before using the bathroom? What nonsense.

I agree.
But being on this forum has shown me that people actually do take their kitchens very very seriously so I’ve learned to try and not be biased about it. I guess?

I personally would want anyone staying with me to feel very free to cook and eat as they please.
If they are messy, then it’s a different issue.

cococandy:

I agree.
But being on this forum has shown me that people actually do take their kitchens very very seriously so I’ve learned to try and not be biased about it. I guess?

I personally would want anyone staying with me feel very free to cook and eat as they please.
If they are messy, then it’s a different issue.

We are still living in Nigeria ma, where everything including food is now way expensive, the bolden may not apply anymore.

Citygal:


We are still living in Nigeria ma, where everything including food is now way expensive, the bolden may not apply anymore.

Like I said, I’ve learned to not be biased about it anymore.

However I know that the issue isn’t even financial to a lot of people. It’s just about some sort of significance about roles and what they consider respectful or not.

How long have you been with this family? What is your relationship like with your brother's wife?

But then, what kind of hunger will make you enter another man/woman's kitchen to make okro soup and eba? This is beyond hunger abeg.

tolakush92:
Good evening nlders I’ll be very brief and precise .This thing has been bothering my mind and I felt I should seek for reasonable and experienced opinions from senior men them on this forum . The issue is .. is it a bad thing to cook in my Brothers house (although he has a wife and kids ) .His wife felt bad yesterday cus I cooked small okra and Eba cus I was hungry . The only food she likes me to cook in her kitchen is indomie . I feel if there Is love what’s there if I cook anything I want to eat in the kitchen .must I always take permission to cook.

Reading your story, the problem is not that you cooked in “HER” kitchen, I don’t know why even women didn’t spot that. The problem is that you cooked okra soup and possibly ate it alone.

When you are in a family house, most times it is better to go with what is on the family menu, except if they are eating something so terrible that goes against your body/digestive system. From cooking okra soup, you will start cooking your own stew, then buy your own water. It gives off a disunity vibe. That is the problem, not your okra soup.

If you like cooking so much, then cook for everyone and take over the kitchen. That is what I do when I am visiting my aunty. I don’t go and cook only my okra soup.

What do you mean in your brother's house?

It's not his house. It belongs to both your brother and his wife.

Meanwhile, it would have been best if the wife communicated why she feels bad. I can think of so many reasons, but it's very hard to tell which for her.

It's her house, and should be able to communicate clearly even to her in-laws without mincing words. Like I always say, health relationships are built by healthy boundaries and of course, clear communications.

Would she have done the same way to her male sibling ? I guess no and I’ve been living with them for several months