GboyegaD:


Let me simp at least, it is my simping. You who keep worrying about people dumping is the real simp because you are pained your life isn't as beautiful as you want it and wish everyone be miserable as you. I understand misery wants company. You can go about looking for those who don't understand life and how to balance it to deceive.

Oga, go learn how to be a man so that you can enjoy your woman and all the privileges that comes with being a man. Trailing and tagging everyone a simp because they appreciate life and understand the act of living only tells of how much of a nuisance you are becoming.

As for breakfast story, na where your hair go very finish you dey so dey wait till eternity on top wetin no go happen.

Mark my words, nigga!!!

You will soon contact me!!! I can't wait for that time to come to pass.

GEEBITE:
Mo Abudu took her daughter to Abeokuta to her biological father for the traditional wedding. This is despite the fact they havent seen in decades. FYI Mo Abudu is British by birth.

They (mo abiding and ex) haven’t seen in decades but you can’t be sure that the man hasn’t seen his child since he left the house or he isn’t financially responsible for any of the things that moulded the lady to be desirable for marriage, or is that the case?

GEEBITE:
Mo Abudu took her daughter to Abeokuta to her biological father for the traditional wedding. This is despite the fact they havent seen in decades. FYI Mo Abudu is British by birth.

I doubt if her ex husband was a deadbeat father

@OP, i will use myself as a case study, i married my wife without seeing her biological father, it was her uncle (though from father side) that stood in for her, i did ask about him and i was told they are not in goods terms, so i decided not to meddle in things that is not my direct concern at that particular point in time, since am marrying the daughter and not the man, and i can tell you there hasn't been any issues 15 years down the line.
The irony of it was that i did meet him years later after the marriage, when they both made up and you know what he told me, he said God save me that i didn't come looking for him then to ask for his daughter hand in marriage, that he would have set his dogs on both of us.

MetaBroadband:
I appreciate all you comments so far, but I see many of you ignoring traditions and the points I raised because of emotions.

Have you not seen where person was mandated to pay bride price twice either because of one or two mistakes?

That's the girl's story, what if they all lied to her and she grew up with it? What happens if the tradition doesn't permit another man to collect bride price of a girl whose father is still alive?

Please drop emotions and be more critical in this matter I beg you guys. I've heard of a scenerio where they have to change the venue of a traditional marriage simple because it wasn't supposed to be held at the place it was holding then.

Are we simply trashing the traditions when indeed the bride price follows the tradition?

Abeg make we think or ask person wey dey advance for his own opinion before we comment.

What if tomorrow now, they said because of A wasn't supposed to be A, I have to come and pay goat and Elon musk before this and that?

MetaBroadband:
Thank you all for your excellent contributions. Please note the following:

1. They said the man abandoned them, but what if it's not actually what happened, so let's not be emotional.

2. I'm not paying the bride price to the biological father, but there should be an understanding between both fathers at this point. because if the child was taken away from the man or if he had acted as a child then, both parents can come to an understanding so that my wife won't hurt any part of the tradition in the course of our marriage.

3. I know that my mother inlaw would be angry, but I still feel it's my right to know. What if something bad happens to my wife because she married in a way that violates her tradition (give Caeser things to Caesar)

4. I'm doing this for my fiancee not me, because as far as I've paid my bride price nothing can come to me, but if anything comes to my wife, it automatically affects me. So it's not just her and her mum's business.

Thank you as you put this thoughts into consideration as well.

Please excuse typos

My good brother, I am constrained to make this advise because you are my brother.

This is an issue that got to do with marriage, and it is for ever. Once you set marriage foundations on faults, be ready to live with it all your life, whether the consequences are good or bad. Blood is thicker than water. For the fact that the girl and her mother acknowledge that the man who father her is not her biological father, that means she has a father, dead or alive. Whatever issues or they had that caused their separation and abandonment can only be a lesson note for you, and guide you in decision making, but it should not preclude you from acknowledging the biological father of a woman before taking her as a wife. You may even be a tool for their reconciliation in the process.

Whether the biological father takes bride price or not, since he did not contribute anything to the girls existence is their own family business, they should sort it out and tell you who to pay the bride price and other items on the list for the father to.

This is our tradition and custom, and it should be respected, especially at this level. Once you have satisfied the rights to the father, you may go ahead and ignore him for the rest of his life, while paying and giving all the attention and love due to a father in-law to the step father thereafter.

First things first, please, get the biological father's consent, and settle his dues, let him be the one to reject it (which should be of serious concern to you as well).

A brotherly advise from Agwo Uko.

xavuv:



If i were you,i would discard the lady and mother together. What bitterness!

They should let you go and see the biological father, just to show face and rub minds. Even the step father should come in and make them see reasons for you to go and see the real father.

Such a fiancee is full of bile, understandably implanted in her by her mother. That bile will still be there for you to wrestle with when your time comes.

She will show you shege.

serious?

My own be say if i be your brother and you carry me go pay downry for your wife step father house u can never fit talk for our family gathering because na u go marry bastard pay ur wife downry for orphanage. Your wife can never get my Respect... She's a bastard as far as I'm concerned.

The woman is very bitter, if the man is bad, he has a family. He has siblings!
Are all of them bad too?

Micheal56:
Please get this clear
Your father is the one that take care of u not the one who gave birth to you

Who then is the one that gave birth to you?

Why not just marry someone else? If you have solved the problem of food in your belly you shouldn't be having problems in your life anymore. Stop making your life unnecessarily hard.

I suggest you make them agree to see the biological father, plead with them.

virginprincess:
It is your financee who decides the people you should and shouldn't meet in her family,since she said meeting her biological father isn't necessary i think you should let it be,she must have a reason for saying that,afterall the father didn't play a significant role in her in life so i don't see a reason why you should be concerned for a man who didn't care about his family,i think you should go ahead with the father figure in her life,afterall it was a man like him that took them in when he abadon them so her step father has every right over her and he should be appreciated for all his effort,it is not easy to take care of another man's child especially when the useless father is alive.

best advice on this thread.

What exactly is he meeting him for? And as what?

Exodus15v11:
Na wa ooo. You want to look for her biological father and ask him his side about something he did/that happened years ago? For wetin? She already told you the story, so don't be an unecessary busybody over something wey no concern you. MYOB dude!

Nigeria has many single mothers and I've read stories on NL from guys who impregnate ladies and then say they can't marry them for the reason or another (in fact, the last story was yesterday and right in this section!), meaning her story's not something out of the ordinary that you can't believe.

Lastly, the man who adopted and raised her as his own IS her father, therefore any communication you want to do with her father should be with him, not the absentee biological man. But don't go and be questioning him or the mom about this either, as you sound like a real busybody. That would be really disrespectful and a sure way for them to dislike you.

I follow some families with adopted kids (all adopted when they were babies) on IG and with all the kids their biological fathers weren't in the picture pre-adoption. I can't imagine those little girls growing up and one yeye man will now say he wants to go find her biological father to ascertain her story. Say wetin? Your gf/fiancee should dump you over this, tbh, because this is quite ridiculous.

It is very dangerous to believe a woman side of the story alone.

xavuv:



If i were you,i would discard the lady and mother together. What bitterness!

They should let you go and see the biological father, just to show face and rub minds. Even the step father should come in and make them see reasons for you to go and see the real father.

Such a fiancee is full of bile, understandably implanted in her by her mother. That bile will still be there for you to wrestle with when your time comes.

She will show you shege.

The lady has been brainwashed by her mum. Same will be done to you if you agree to boycott her biological father. Imagine you are the biological father, put yourself in his shoe.

Fiscus105:



U re a type that would be finding problem where there is none.
If you are not comfortable with such arrangements, better to leave the girl, rather than investigating issue up and down.



.....ur personality is paranoid......

paranoid? How can a man tell his family its only his mum in law they will meet, not her dad and his people. At least, make it official to them too. When something comes up tomorrow, na she go still meet them for one info. Don't carry too much hurt in your heart. It unconsciously affects what we say, and how we behave

mrmislim:


Yeah I get, so if he wants that you’ll tell him to go ahead, deliberate on how she wants her owambe to be and you guys will sew matching clothes as daddy and mummy of the bride ? Please answer sincerely like you previously did.

It cannot come to the level of sewing same cloth.

If the partner of my child want to see the mother, he/she can go see the mother at her area of residence.

During the wedding, if the mother wants to attend, the way we do parties here, there are canopies for different groups of people. The mother people can have their canopy farther away from my side.

My cousin sis that recently got married, her parents separated when she was just a baby. It was the father's sister that brought up the girl.

On her wedding day, the father's family were called to the high table.. then the grand mother of the bride represented the mother at the high table..

The event went smoothly and everything was fine. Though the Aunt was angry that she was not recognized as the mother of the bride, but nevertheless, she had her chair on the high table too.

If you call the father of the bride from her father side, and mother of the bride from the father's side too, what will the in-laws attending the wedding say?

So just for the formality of the wedding, 9am-4pm .... Everything is over .... Everybody go their way.

That's all

CiaoUncle:

Who then is the one that gave birth to you?

If u gave birth to a child and another man adopt the child who is the father of the child ?

Foodqueen:
Make sure you see her dad.

my sister you are unifiyer... come and see drama on my wedding. I make sure two of them are on sit that day. My mother and step mother though my father wasn't happy..he even sitted in middle of both. Don't ignore any of parent in a situation like this.. YOUR PARENT ARE YOUR PARENT ANYDAY ANYTIME ...if the two are fighting the should try settle it or stay neutral.

I always feel sad 😭😭😭 whenever I remember my parent. They are alive but separated.

xavuv:



If i were you,i would discard the lady and mother together. What bitterness!

They should let you go and see the biological father, just to show face and rub minds. Even the step father should come in and make them see reasons for you to go and see the real father.

Such a fiancee is full of bile, understandably implanted in her by her mother. That bile will still be there for you to wrestle with when your time comes.

She will show you shege.

Bro calm down
I know say u don give gal belle for one corner Abandon the pikin Na why u too dey support the father
Am also a man but I can't support evil
If u gave birth to a child and I adopt the child then who is the father ?

MetaBroadband:
Thank you all for your excellent contributions. Please note the following:

1. They said the man abandoned them, but what if it's not actually what happened, so let's not be emotional.

2. I'm not paying the bride price to the biological father, but there should be an understanding between both fathers at this point. because if the child was taken away from the man or if he had acted as a child then, both parents can come to an understanding so that my wife won't hurt any part of the tradition in the course of our marriage.

3. I know that my mother inlaw would be angry, but I still feel it's my right to know. What if something bad happens to my wife because she married in a way that violates her tradition (give Caeser things to Caesar)

4. I'm doing this for my fiancee not me, because as far as I've paid my bride price nothing can come to me, but if anything comes to my wife, it automatically affects me. So it's not just her and her mum's business.

Thank you as you put this thoughts into consideration as well.

Please excuse typos

all this one is not your own fight or problem

see whoever the girl say you should see

MetaBroadband:
Thank you all for your excellent contributions. Please note the following:

1. They said the man abandoned them, but what if it's not actually what happened, so let's not be emotional.

2. I'm not paying the bride price to the biological father, but there should be an understanding between both fathers at this point. because if the child was taken away from the man or if he had acted as a child then, both parents can come to an understanding so that my wife won't hurt any part of the tradition in the course of our marriage.

3. I know that my mother inlaw would be angry, but I still feel it's my right to know. What if something bad happens to my wife because she married in a way that violates her tradition (give Caeser things to Caesar)

4. I'm doing this for my fiancee not me, because as far as I've paid my bride price nothing can come to me, but if anything comes to my wife, it automatically affects me. So it's not just her and her mum's business.

Thank you as you put this thoughts into consideration as well.

Please excuse typos

If you know what is good for you, you should try and meet the real dad and know what is going on...and also get his blessings too.

The second man in her life is just artificial. Not her real blood.

It's like you don't know how single mothers poison their kids and make them hate their dad a lot. It is more worst with the daughters of single mums.

Not discouraging you, but marrying a lady trained by a single mum is dangerous...and even more deadly if she is not in good terms with her dad..and even encouraging you to not worry about her dad?

That's a huge red flag IMO

Think of what will happen between you and your kids if this lady decides to tow the path of her mum.

Women trained by single mums are a NO NO...especially when they are not in talking terms with their dad.

Be careful and find out what happend ..so you don't end up like her dad and have your kids hating you.

Osombo:
OP I know of a situation like urs, lady wasn't picking her Dad's calls even when the man was reaching out each time. I will advise U to see the biological father, meet him and if possible if U can bring him to the mother of ur fiancee and her family to make peace and if possible let them fine him and he pays, then let him be rightful person to collect bride price and he can as well handle same to his inlaws since he wasn't there for the daughter, that's respect and he can bless ur marriage, we men hardly talk, we overlook so many things. Let me ask U, U want to built ur foundation of beef? Don't U think death can be inevitable if U go ahead without his consent, even if he is dead, he has family What if ur children ask after their grandpa, will d stepfather ne their real grandpa when their real grandpa is alive? The fiancee sef no try, don't she know U avn mock her one day, ur blood is ur blood ooo Who knows maybe it was cos infidelity he left the Mom

Biko, if the man is fined and he pays her bride price which he would have done since if he wanted honor from the woman and her child, do we conclude that the woman married 2 husbands?..... We don't even know why the woman and child ran from him, some men can be wicked, deadly... Some don't even mind to wipe any trace that will make them look irresponsible in future incase he desires to seek one higher position or the other....

It will also be very embarrassing if the man doesn't fully welcome this man as inlaw. He is even creating future problems for himself especially if he wants him to be giving him things as in law and this oversabi gives it only to the stepdad, he may even start wishing them problems in the family unconsciously so that they must see him to resolve the issue and 'dash' him things.

I only accept good traditions, anyone that will not benefit me, I dump it.... Imagine bringing ex to matrimonial home of someone u never wished to be married.... He will even be surprised that the woman could get her life back and marry ( because this is NOT even a remarriage).

It is well

oweniwe:


It cannot come to the level of sewing same cloth.

If the partner of my child want to see the mother, he/she can go see the mother at her area of residence.

During the wedding, if the mother wants to attend, the way we do parties here, there are canopies for different groups of people. The mother people can have their canopy farther away from my side.

My cousin sis that recently got married, her parents separated when she was just a baby. It was the father's sister that brought up the girl.

On her wedding day, the father's family were called to the high table.. then the grand mother of the bride represented the mother at the high table..

The event went smoothly and everything was fine. Though the Aunt was angry that she was not recognized as the mother of the bride, but nevertheless, she had her chair on the high table too.

If you call the father of the bride from her father side, and mother of the bride from the father's side too, what will the in-laws attending the wedding say?

So just for the formality of the wedding, 9am-4pm .... Everything is over .... Everybody go their way.

That's all

I think you didn’t understand my question. In my culture, attention is on the parents of the couple, so I am asking you, you won’t want to wear same clothes with her but she will sha seat as the mother of the bride abi? Note that I am not referring to the general tent for families.

In your cousins case, the situation are not the same because the dad’s father brought her up and in one way or the other over the years they must have communicated a lot of times so that isn’t a suitable comparison.

MetaBroadband:
Good morning mature men and women in the house. Please I need your help on this topic.

My Fiancee told me about how her biological dad abandoned her and her mum after getting her mum pregnant.

Her mum later married another man who adopted her as his child.

Now she's grown and I've proposed to her, I wanted to go for her official introduction and list collection.

Would it not be nice to hear the biological father's opinion? Should I just ignore the fact that the man is still alive and proceed with the marriage arrangement?

Although she said I should not bother about that, but this is Nigeria and as an Akwa Ibomite I don't think it's proper. Although she's against me trying to find out about the man's opinion. Should I care?

What can you say about this?

Note: she only told me that the man abandoned them, but what if it was her mum that actually took her away?

Flee from such family,the girl already has father issues,which will gradually transcend into your lineage.
I mean,she can't give what she doesn't have.
Girls like that doesn't know the importance of a man,and as her would-be husband, you will never ever enjoy her and soon ya children will be turned against you.

I repeat, flee!!!

coolayou:




My good brother, I am constrained to make this advise because you are my brother.

This is an issue that got to do with marriage, and it is for ever. Once you set marriage foundations on faults, be ready to live with it all your life, whether the consequences are good or bad. Blood is thicker than water. For the fact that the girl and her mother acknowledge that the man who father her is not her biological father, that means she has a father, dead or alive. Whatever issues or they had that caused their separation and abandonment can only be a lesson note for you, and guide you in decision making, but it should not preclude you from acknowledging the biological father of a woman before taking her as a wife. You may even be a tool for their reconciliation in the process.

Whether the biological father takes bride price or not, since he did not contribute anything to the girls existence is their own family business, they should sort it out and tell you who to pay the bride price and other items on the list for the father to.

This is our tradition and custom, and it should be respected, especially at this level. Once you have satisfied the rights to the father, you may go ahead and ignore him for the rest of his life, while paying and giving all the attention and love due to a father in-law to the step father thereafter.

First things first, please, get the biological father's consent, and settle his dues, let him be the one to reject it (which should be of serious concern to you as well).

A brotherly advise from Agwo Uko.

my brother u need presidential recognition and award... you are a real man.💯🎉🎉🎉🎉

Kobojunkie:
Stop lying!

The servant made a decision as soon as the girl gave him water to drink from the well... the end.

He tested the girls. It was the one that gave water that he chose. That is information gathering and that is also a kind of under ground investigation to get the character of the future wife

Ade1177:


It's not expensive

People get married every week

Once you find a marriageable girl

1m budget carry everything even less


Just don't marry any girl that you can't Control

Forget love

Only marry a girl that adores you and you can control

Because after a girl gets what she wants that is marriage and just 1 child

The love disappears

Remains EITHER RESPECT or She Frustrate your life

1m still even big to celebrate some gals
How can I use 1m if a wedding of 6month before divorce

OGA, don't pay any bride price without knowing and seeing the biological father. Never hear from one side and give judgement. Listen to the two sides of the story before coming to conclusion. Ho and see the biological father.

Dtruthspeaker:


It is actually not your fuc.king and unfucking business.

Your business is with the lady and the people who rule her (her family)

The burden is on her father to find how he can enter in if he wants.

But this shit is not your business.

You have said it all.

Foodqueen:
Make sure you see her dad.

your comments are usually sensible.

You really have a good home training by good parents

Locate her biological Father and hear from him. Since he is alive, that is needed. Good luck.

Micheal56:

Bro calm down
I know say u don give gal belle for one corner Abandon the pikin Na why u too dey support the father
Am also a man but I can't support evil
If u gave birth to a child and I adopt the child then who is the father ?

One day you go cry over women with this mentality.

It's like you want to dance to the tune of women just to please them.

Go and adopt another man's child to.make yourself feel good.

MetaBroadband:
Good morning mature men and women in the house. Please I need your help on this topic.

My Fiancee told me about how her biological dad abandoned her and her mum after getting her mum pregnant.

Her mum later married another man who adopted her as his child.

Now she's grown and I've proposed to her, I wanted to go for her official introduction and list collection.

Would it not be nice to hear the biological father's opinion? Should I just ignore the fact that the man is still alive and proceed with the marriage arrangement?

Although she said I should not bother about that, but this is Nigeria and as an Akwa Ibomite I don't think it's proper. Although she's against me trying to find out about the man's opinion. Should I care?

What can you say about this?

Note: she only told me that the man abandoned them, but what if it was her mum that actually took her away?

I have a very close case similar to this currently happening. Here's what you should know; if he is from the South South, it means he is irresponsible. Don't make the mistake of looking for him for two reasons; One, it would be a great disrespect to the man who raised the woman you proposed to. He raised her and should do the honours of being the father, except he says otherwise. Two, you will be setting yourself up because the moment you carry your two legs to talk to the biological father, you will transfer power to him; particularly where the traditional wedding should be done. He will have to inform his people that his abandoned daughter wants to get married. And trust me, tendencies are that they will milk the very life out of you because it is an opportunity that might never come again.

In the case of the person close to me, the father and his family humiliated themselves and their guests because of money and started counting the several envelopes containing monies before their guests to be sure it is as written on the list! They left no room for negotiation and went as far as saying they won't proceed if a pin is missing from the items. The person involved regretted deeply and ended up apologizing to people who went with him. What is funny was that he was the one insisted on informing the father. The woman was raised by her uncle and had wanted to act as the father but this fellow said "it is not proper".

If you choose to ignore the biological father, the step-father will most likely make life easier for you prior and during the rites because he won't overreach. Don't go and look for what is not missing in the name of whatever. If anything, your woman and her mother should be the one to inform her biological father. It is not your place and you have no business with that. Whoever they say will act as the father will rightly act so.