Missy89:


Oh so u think women are at a disadvantage when it comes to marriage?

And you don't want them to be a "liability" even thou their rights would not be guaranteed when it goes burst?

When i say social norms, i meant most women are being trained to just go to school and marry and wait on their husbands to provide most of what they need. If you want that to change, there needs to be re orientation and opportunities should be created for women to be competitive as men from early stages.

The word opportunity as you have used is synonymous to empowerment. Are women not ashamed of asking for empowerment? Only someone who is weak and oppressed asks for empowerment.
I think people should stop blaiming society, marriage has to do more about instinct than society.

IfyAwazie:
City girls or lazy girls. We have a lot of industrious girls wit dignity that Make their own money instead of waiting for a man to take care of them.

u correct

MissMeiya:


1. Look who's talking about rudeness. I usually ignore you because you're such a pig.
2. You know you were wrong, but you said it anyway? What does that make you, if not a dumbáss? Rhetorical question.
3. What kind of stúpid question is that? What do you think?

Sweet dreams.....

Missy89:


Oh so u think women are at a disadvantage when it comes to marriage?

And you don't want them to be a "liability" even thou their rights would not be guaranteed when it goes burst?

When i say social norms, i meant most women are being trained to just go to school and marry and wait on their husbands to provide most of what they need. If you want that to change, there needs to be re orientation and opportunities should be created for women to be competitive as men from early stages.

Am curious how you concluded that from my post I never mention anything about marriage, I limited my question to opportunities to women. and not marriage. so if i get this right , you want them to be a liability? am confused about this post

Misogynist2014:
The word opportunity as you have used is synonymous to empowerment. Are women not ashamed of asking for empowerment? Only someone who is weak and oppressed asks for empowerment.
I think people should stop blaiming society, marriage has to do more about instinct than society.

You are actually making my point for me. Because of the type of society we live in. Women are politically weak and have very few leverages.

Things don't necessarily come to any group because they try. You need political will to get what you want especially in places like Nigeria where ideology doesn't matter and it is all about power politics.

If you think people get empowered because they work hard you are living in a fantasy world. Power dictates the haves and the have nots and in almost every society, the Men always have the advantage and in places like Nigeria that is even more conservative, Women have very few options and it is all about survival.

That doesn't mean there are no successful women but many factors have to be considered when you look at the way they get to the top (Family background, association, etc) But the disparity between both genders in African societies would remain if there are weak institutions protecting the rights of one of them and there is no re orientation

pcguru1:


Am curious how you concluded that from my post I never mention anything about marriage, I limited my question to opportunities to women. and not marriage. so if i get this right , you want them to be a liability? am confused about this post

You talked about marital molest and i used that to construct the argument. But lets say thats not what you meant. Are you saying both genders have the same advantages when the union goes burst?


@ shymexx. i sent you a very interesting rebuttal but unfortunately they wont let me post on that thread anymore and what i posted wasnt visible

Are the mods dead?

Ilovenigeria:

You wan make I follow you suffer.

so been a good assistant to ur partner finacially is suffering according to u huh..btw I nor dey suffer sha but man needs a sensible n industrious wife n not liability as op said

Missy89:


You talked about marital molest and i used that to construct the argument. But lets say thats not what you meant. Are you saying both genders have the same advantages when the union goes burst?


@ shymexx. i sent you a very interesting rebuttal but unfortunately they wont let me post on that thread anymore and what i posted wasnt visible

Are the mods dead?

I was refering to Marital R.ape, there are some laws that don't support women,like this one, it feels a married woman can't be raped by her husband. Only place i know women don't enjoy freedom are mostly Muslim nations.

What type of asset would you be?
Don't forget that asset has a life span at which it would be disposed.Which means your husband can get rid of you after many years of marriage.

ekemini007:


Datin a woman wit a source of livelihood is equivalent to a woman datin a man becuse he hs a source of livelihood. This u knw is wt we men cl "greedy girls". Wt mks a "real woman" is situational n nt dispositional jst like wt mks a "real man"

Even witout livelihood, strive to find a woman wit "character" fr within dis is al d source of "livelihood" u nid.

Don't get me wrong, dating only women who earn a living is entirely different from dating a woman because she earns a living. One is setting a standard while the other is plain old parasitism like the women you described above do.

There'so something about people who earn a living knowing the worth of things and hence valuing them. They also know the importance of planning....etc etc...do I need to bore you with details again. I'm not saying all of the women in this category are prizes, but I'm darn sure we are most likely to find a higher number of those with above qualities in this group as opposed to the other group.

The problem with Nigerian girls is the "Sense of entitlement" "sense of expectation" mentality, period!

Its a disease that black parents installed and failed to cure/remove in the female mind.

I keep saying it,its safe to generalise that Nigerian girls are indeed too vain and materialistic, the trade by barter mind-set is ridiculously infiltrated in their cerebral which is nothing short of myopic.

Gorgeous58:
Strive to be the kind of woman who, when your man hits rock bottom, when his business fails or he is retrenched from his job, can carry the family through. You must be able to provide what he otherwise would. This thing of women who sit doing nothing, and when a man goes through a difficult period, cannot come through for him, or at least even help him make a plan, is not on.

Let us start hustling with our men. We must stop being liabilities when we have what it takes to be assets.

Ladies, what's your take on this?

Ur ideal is nice,but i don't knw whom u making this suggestions for,whether itz for our current Nigeria women dat are too lazy 2 d bone u xpect to bow down & hustle...

Gorgeous58:
Strive to be the kind of woman who, when your man hits rock bottom, when his business fails or he is retrenched from his job, can carry the family through. You must be able to provide what he otherwise would. This thing of women who sit doing nothing, and when a man goes through a difficult period, cannot come through for him, or at least even help him make a plan, is not on.

Let us start hustling with our men. We must stop being liabilities when we have what it takes to be assets.

Ladies, what's your take on this?

You are a rare breed of woman. Now if more women had that mentality (black women), we could run this sh*yt. Instead of adding to the divorce rate.

HARDDON:
Never knew id live this long to read such words from a female.......

All along, had tot you guys were structured for collecting , fashioned for begging and accursed with trade by bata.....

Had tot u enjoy sitting at home doing Nada and have him work his a33 out while u go on shopping spree with money u know not whence it came. The next moment, they wano tie d guy down with court wedding tins, so as to have legit right over some vast wealth shld he get fed up n wano roll!

Had tot beeping his phone was ur thingy (never calling, stingy)
Had tot the best u cud ever get for a guy was a pair of second hand briefs for his bday(ONLY!)!

Had tot d only thing u guys got to offer was some punana ( yet they go complaining when he cheats, calling royal guys dogs). Yea sure, he might be so willing to spend on u d first few outings but after hitting it, if that is all u got, he's mos def gon bounce - the next meal awaits

No man is a fool. And we all get worked up when y'all go begging for stuffs when y'all can pull stuffs!

If u must fight for gender equality, then first fight off ur laziness , stinginess n herbalist attitudes( always collecting)

NT: this is by no means saying there ain't this very exceptional group out there(very rare breeds) that supports their men tru good advice n all otherwise

very easy to say, most times in Nigeria of today the hard working ladies are the ones looking drawn and haggard as a result of over working especially here in Lagos. Waken up early and sleeping late with the stress of hold up and others. have you asked why we have lots of barren women among us today? One is as a result of hormonal disorder, and one of the things that causes that is stress. Women are not meant to over work themselves, women are supposed to be helpers, encouragers and supporters to men. Even some men talking are the ones patronizing the lazy ladies, flexing and getting admirers here and there. Though i love when a woman is industrious because is going be an added advantage to her if God now blesses her with a successful man. Very good for a woman to be supportive and productive but some guys as well take advantage of that and start lazing about, and before you know it the woman takes over your position and then rides you. This is a two way thing, some guys don't like their wife working and over stressed, while some do. Oto

Gorgeous58:
Strive to be the kind of woman who, when your man hits rock bottom, when his business fails or he is retrenched from his job, can carry the family through. You must be able to provide what he otherwise would. This thing of women who sit doing nothing, and when a man goes through a difficult period, cannot come through for him, or at least even help him make a plan, is not on.

Let us start hustling with our men. We must stop being liabilities when we have what it takes to be assets.

Ladies, what's your take on this?

All the ones I see / have seen would kill you. There are a few girls out there who hustle hard to ease our stress.

Shut up! I'm not interested in becoming your liability, nor "asset". Instead, I'll make you a slave to my love, heart n soul. I don't belong to you! I'm not a "thing" to be acquired.

This OP is in the spirit O.

Can you believe the only reason I logged into NL today was to create a thread titled "7 reasons not to date a jobless female"?

For the lazy women, this is confirmation that this is a message from God to you.

You have nothing to bring to matters, yet you also want the most expensive wedding that can be mustered so the man can at least feel like the thing is an investment and not a frivolous expense.

If you don't take heed, please don't start harrassing my dear heavenly father when you start pushing 40 and yet never marry.
She who has ears let her hear.

EDIT: This is it https://www.nairaland.com/1971580/7-reasons-why-should-stop#27539391

kamez:
OP u re sleeping on mouka foam..


Women have already started hustling with their men.. Except the lazy few who will never change.

where have u been all this while? Anyway glad u re finally awake

Better late dan never

fantastic, maybe she's looking for a husband and feels posting this will help trap one. I wonder if the women in the market, banks and other organizations are men or probably ghosts. Women are even competing with men this days even in businesses. Please do i have supporters here

Missy89:
See how the male posters are kissing the OP's A55.

As long as Africa remains a patriarchal society where men gets almost everything and there are weak laws protecting women. Social behavior would not change and most women will keep being a "liability" (whatever that means). If you don't like it, advocate for more women's right and compete on a level playing field.

Better go get a job and take care of your family or die trying.
Weak a55 niggahs

You need to stop committing the same crime as most of these folks by looking at Africa as a single entity. Africa is the most diverse continent on the planet. There have been matriarchal societies in Africa from time immemorial e.g. Ashantis/Akans, Nubians, Bamenda, Imazighen, Kung San, Serer, Ovambo, Bissagos, etc.. Even with the Yorubas and Dahomeys, to an extent. The story is just always about painting Africa as a dark continent before the arrival of the Europeans - who brought civilisation (perhaps due to Polygyny) - when that wasn't even the case. Women had more rights in Africa way before they had any rights in Europe - apart from Greece, which is in the Mediterranean.

Also, in today's world, females and males start on the same platform, attend the same schools, and compete with one another from Nursery to University level - on equal footing, with no advantage whatsoever for males. However, while most males are planning to achieve something great in their respective careers, women tend to focus on marriage, and other irrelevant distractions. Basically because they innately believe in just being an appendage to their partners. So, are you going to blame guys for that, or the females for not getting their priorities right?

Like I told a next chic in the family section a few days ago that: having a career and being a wife isn't as difficult as most folks make it to be, especially when you have a plan, and can get your priorities right. The fields in which most women are into have one or two professional certifications - to earn everything they need there. And if they're serious/focused, without distractions, they should be able to achieve that by age 25. And perhaps start thinking about settling down afterwards.

That's how you become an asset, and create a competitive space for your spouse because you'll definitely bring something to the table. And with that, you'll also earn his respect and inspire him. You lot just need to stop blaming everyone but yourselves. Look at the (wo)man in the mirror. Stop trying to be pseudo-celebrities by copying reality TV stars and their fraudulent lifestyles, and get your priorities right. Women and men have the same privileges. And I'd wager that the society is also increasingly becoming anti-men, to be honest. That's why I'm glad the UK is about to pass a law that will divide parental leave between husbands and wives equally, and also increase paternity leave with pay.

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OP, you are right, and there are many women that actually carry the family, even when the man is not down and out, or his business is not failing.

I think people are far too obsessed with what women 'should be doing', but not really informing men, on how to really be companions and partners in struggle for their wives etc.

Its usually the man that leaves when the chips are down, or rather leaves his "ride or die" woman when he finally gets to his "destination".

How many mn, simply replace a wife tat seems barren?

How many betray that dedicated wife, once a younger model shows them attention?

How many in the village are found in the farm alongside their wives children rather than drinking palm wine?

The African women has long carried the burdens of hardship alongside her husband even with the baby strapped to her back.

I think it is rather the men that need talking to, on how to be more than just a person that helps pay the bills.

To be a "ride or die man" for their wives and households.

It is usually the man and not the woman that just quits the home when things get tough, many do it multiple times. That includes to the very type of woman you describe.


I'm getting tires of this "women do and be yet more", while the same is not said to the men.

Any person, man or women should be an asset to themselves, before even thinking about setting up a home with someone anyway.

Every human being wants a partner that is there through thick and thin, sickness and heath, it's not just the need of a man, but women too.

Women has always been assets since time immemorial,even the house wives among them.

If you know the emotional stability a wife provides, then you won't talk about liability, whether she's a stay at home wife or not.

Just don't be lazy, simple.

hensben:
so been a good assistant to ur partner finacially is suffering according to u huh..btw I nor dey suffer sha but man needs a sensible n industrious wife n not liability as op said

Forget all the gra gra, until that time comes, you may never know a hard working wife. Some will be forming industrious because them still dey single once you marry them, them go just park bus.

sauceny:


Ur ideal is nice,but i don't knw whom u making this suggestions for,whether itz for our current Nigeria women dat are too lazy 2 d bone u xpect to bow down & hustle...

Ooooh shut up!!!!

SirShymex:


You need to stop committing the same crime as most of these folks by looking at Africa as a single entity. Africa is the most diverse continent on the planet. There have been matriarchal societies in Africa from time immemorial e.g. Ashantis/Akans, Nubians, Bamenda, Imazighen, Kung San, Serer, Ovambo, Bissagos, etc.. Even with the Yorubas and Dahomeys, to an extent. The story is just always about painting Africa as a dark continent before the arrival of the Europeans - who brought civilisation (perhaps due to Polygyny) - when that wasn't even the case. Women had more rights in Africa way before they had any rights in Europe - apart from Greece, which is in the Mediterranean.

Also, in today's world, females and males start on the same platform, attend the same schools, and compete with one another from Nursery to University level - on equal footing, with no advantage whatsoever for males. However, while most males are planning to achieve something great in their respective careers, women tend to focus on marriage, and other irrelevant distractions. Basically because they innately believe in just being an appendage to their partners. So, are you going to blame guys for that, or the females for not getting their priorities right?

Like I told a next chic in the family section a few days ago that: having a career and being a wife isn't as difficult as most folks make it to be, especially when you have a plan, and can get your priorities right. The fields in which most women are into have one or two professional certifications - to earn everything they need there. And if they're serious/focused, without distractions, they should be able to achieve that by age 25. And perhaps start thinking about settling down afterwards.

That's how you become an asset, and create a competitive space for your spouse because you'll definitely bring something to the table. And with that, you'll also earn his respect and inspire him. You lot just need to stop blaming everyone but yourselves. Look at the (wo)man in the mirror. Stop trying to be pseudo-celebrities by copying reality TV stars and their fraudulent lifestyles, and get your priorities right. Women and men have the same privileges. And I'd wager that the society is also increasingly becoming anti-men, to be honest. That's why I'm glad the UK is about to pass a law that will divide parental leave between husbands and wives equally, and also increase paternity leave with pay.

SHUT UP. Smh!

As usual, you are mixing up the point. Now i am beginning to wonder if you do this on purpose.
It is not about Painting Africa black. While there might be few exceptions, Africa is overwhelmingly a patriarchal society. You can name few tribes but that does not change the fact this this is true.

"When you say women tend to focus on marriage while guys face their career" That is not very factual. Like i pointed out, this is not entirely the fault of the woman. That is what the society expects of her. and i also pointed out that this mentality will change if we have an overwhelming reorientation and encourage and support women that have outstanding careers and support them. I will give you a quick example. Look at the RITA DOMINIC thread and see what most guys (and some girls) were saying there. They were more concerned that she is single and not married and totally ignored her relative success in her chosen career.

This is one of the reasons why most women are relaxed.

I already explained why women and men DO NOT have the same privileges already. this has nothing to do with the educational system but post education. If this isn't addressed, There will always be high proportion of women depending on their spouse instead of working and making a good career for themselves. It is clear that our society respects married women more than professional ones.

Now there is nothing wrong with a woman working and supporting her household as long as she can manage her time. My initial reaction was to the men "thanking" the OP for her post without looking at the fundamental problems that should be given serious consideration when it comes to this issue. Some of them were happy about the post not because they really want their spouse to compete or work just like they do and be an "asset". Most of them only acknowledged the post because they have "FAILED" to live up to their own expectations and their spouse is leaning on them. (my observation)

Ilovenigeria:

Ooooh shut up!!!!

Hey!
Watz up crook¿

Gorgeous58:
Strive to be the kind of woman who, when your man hits rock bottom, when his business fails or he is retrenched from his job, can carry the family through. You must be able to provide what he otherwise would. This thing of women who sit doing nothing, and when a man goes through a difficult period, cannot come through for him, or at least even help him make a plan, is not on.

Let us start hustling with our men. We must stop being liabilities when we have what it takes to be assets.

Ladies, what's your take on this?

My take?

It depends on the family dynamics.

Some men, like my hubby and the men in my family never look toward their wives to financially support the family. The wives work if they want to - not because they have to. If hard times hit, then it's the husbands that do the hustling - not the wives. Looking toward their wives' purses is an insult and conveys the message that they, the husbands, can't support the family. This is why my hubby fit in so well into my family, even though he's Nigerian. He took his responsibility as a husband and father VERY seriously.

Our biggest fight came about when his entire department was eliminated, due to budget cuts. I wanted to help out the household financially. So I suggested he file for unemployment benefits, until he found another job and I would take up the slack. What was I thinking?!

That man BLEW UP!!! He accused me of not having any faith in him, asked me if I thought him a small boy in need of pampering, propping up and rescuing and told me that if I wanted a sorry azz nig-ger who couldn't take care of his own family, then go and find one. He was sooo pizzed off, he started ranting and raving in his language, which I couldn't even understand.

WHOA NELLY!!!

To say I was shocked by his reaction is an understatement. I thought it best to take the kids to my parents, so he could cool down. I never thought that such a gentle, loving man could go off like that! When I talked to my Dad about it, surprisingly, he sided with my hubby. Dad said that I had seriously wounded his pride and to never, ever tread on his territory again, as head of household, stay in my place as wife and mother and go back home.

Okay...so I did.

Hubby sulked for a couple of days but he came around.

But I admit, I should have known better, growing up around the men I did.

It took him almost 8 months to land a new position but that man hustled his azz off to bring money into the house, without complaint and, I kept my mouth shut.

Result: PEACE!!!

Mama nkechi, wakeup, wake up (u no wan go work 2day). She says 'r u bak frm ur own'. Junior bangs on the master b'room 'daddy im runnin late, school bus in 45mins'. Everybody goes out, gossiping goes out, fight goes out, laziness goes out... name your own.

sauceny:


Hey!
Watz up crook¿

Amu robber.

Ilovenigeria:

Amu robber.

U a f**king re-tarded b****d

zboyd:


My take?

It depends on the family dynamics.

Some men, like my hubby and the men in my family never look toward their wives to financially support the family. The wives work if they want to - not because they have to. If hard times hit, then it's the husbands that do the hustling - not the wives. Looking toward their wives' purses is an insult and conveys the message that they, the husbands, can't support the family. This is why my hubby fit in so well into my family, even though he's Nigerian. He took his responsibility as a husband and father VERY seriously.

Our biggest fight came about when his entire department was eliminated, due to budget cuts. I wanted to help out the household financially. So I suggested he file for unemployment benefits, until he found another job and I would take up the slack. What was I thinking?!

That man BLEW UP!!! He accused me of not having any faith in him, asked me if I thought him a small boy in need of pampering, propping up and rescuing and told me that if I wanted a sorry azz nig-ger who couldn't take care of his own family, then go and find one. He was sooo pizzed off, he started ranting and raving in his language, which I couldn't even understand.

WHOA NELLY!!!

To say I was shocked by his reaction is an understatement. I thought it best to take the kids to my parents, so he could cool down. I never thought that such a gentle, loving man could go off like that! When I talked to my Dad about it, surprisingly, he sided with my hubby. Dad said that I had seriously wounded his pride and to never, ever tread on his territory again, as head of household, stay in my place as wife and mother and go back home.

Okay...so I did.

Hubby sulked for a couple of days but he came around.

But I admit, I should have known better, growing up around the men I did.

It took him almost 8 months to land a new position but that man hustled his azz off to bring money into the house, without complaint and, I kept my mouth shut.

Result: PEACE!!!

Can I borrow him for some years?