oakson:
I am in my early thirties. Dark and handsome, average height, witty, sporty, spontaneous, resourceful and lover of good dreams. Based in Lagos, a Christian from the southwest(tribe is not an issue to me),Father of 3 and comfortably doing ok above an average Nigerian. Need a working class or financially stable , educated lady that knows what it means to love and be loved!


N.B.: This is not a recent divorce!

I think you are in a wrong platform. You can't be asking those not married about marriage let alone about divorce. Talk to people who by the nature of their job meet everybody from all walks of life, pastors, imams, etc. The irony is there are many ladies who are ready to marry and settle down regardless of your status. Don't let the utterances of some neophytes on this platform discourage you. Good luck with your search.

Throwback:
It is acceptable to me as a Christian who has watched Tinubu lead a state without rancour between Muslims and Christians.

A state where Nigerians that are non-yoruba can grow in the civil service without fear of sack due to tribal or state origins.

If any candidate can boast of such besides Tinubu, let him show us the proof.

We will certainly go and verify.

You didn't get many "likes" because this isn't a popular opinion but unfortunately it is a bitter truth. I don't know your tribe because I don't want to commit fallacy of overgeneralization. However, I think Igbos people are taking things far. I am not a fan of Tinubu but save for his health challenges, he is far ahead of other contestants... Lol

Christistruth00:


This Judgement also means that Christians are also free to wear Crucifix Neclaces to School

If you like, carry the whole cross on your head, it is your headache.

In advanced democracies, Muslim students are allowed to put on a head scarf.

I am beginning to believe that some of the religious crisis are triggered by your likes.

Kingozymandias:


Is Tinubu the governor of Anambra ? No is Atiku? No is Obi ? No so let the governor give a damn...

Instead of selling your drug addict Tinubu candidate you are disturbing us with a candidate who has no structure...

Atiku is the way to go... Tinubu will shed premium tears in his adult daipers. [color=#990000][/color]

Atiku 2023

Tinubu 2098

Dey whine yourself �. Who says election will take place in southeast? The only crime that man committed is that he is from southeast and the silence from the elites is sickening.

Joezinho:
First time she's in the news for the good reason. This woman is always in the news for bad reasons, either for being disrespectful , rude and intimidating others..

Sometimes i wonder if to be a pastor in RCCG is for the highest bidder or just a mere respect of person. Otherwise what criteria were put into consideration before this woman was ordained a pastor. She is a total abuse of the pastoral office.

Yeah, I guess you were right. For a 60+ woman disrespecting a 40+ Dino Melaye ?Dude boasted he would rape her!

DOTian:
Slowly slowly they will rope IPOB into it..
Just wait and see.
The governor started by blaming Libya and Mali, basically trying to extricate the local herdsmen here. This one is dropping Ozubulu into the mix!
Next is IPOB-ESN and Kanu from prison..
Just watch and see..
They can NEVER stand their ground and shout back at the useless Fulani killers. NEVER!

You can play ethnic cards as if we care. We are all victims of these senseless killings, the question is when are you going to fall a victim?

strongmoxie:


Please, can I reapply using reprinted scanned copies of the previously submitted documents (like medical/radiology report, employer letter, police report etc) and explain things regarding the rejection in my reapplication? Originals have already been submitted in the last application.
I have started the PhD already (remotely) since last year. I need to be there to continue and finish up.

It is better to get a new medical and radiological report. I think you can still use the police report and employment letter

If you have started the program remotely since last year, it means you are a registered student with proof of registration for two academics sessions and receipts of payment for school fees?

Contact the International Office for letter of introduction as a registered student and possibly another letter from your supervisor/department.

Then, you can reapply.

If you have started the program remotely since last year and you have no proof of studentship with your school, you may ignore what I said above.

Good luck �

Dorwadora:
That's what a man told me 3 days ago. This post will be quite long but I really need people's opinion cus I'm feeling guilty.



3 days ago, around 11pm, I decided to come outside to buy a quick snack. After buying I got to the front of my hostel and I saw some guys I know smoking, they greeted me and I responded. One of them decided to approach me about how we should contribute money for the woman that sweeps the compound. While we were talking a little girl came and tapped the guy to call his attention. I know the girl because she's friend with another girl I always send errands. she's in JSS1 and I was a bit confused about why she would be outside around that time.

The location my hostel is located is a community of both students and indigenes. To be sincere, I already saw the girl with the guy on Saturday I was passing and I saw the guy giving her 2h to buy soft drink. Since that Saturday I was already having the urge to scold the girl about her attachment with those guys. The guy told me to give him a moment and he sorted the girl out. After they made about whatever they wanted to make plan about. The guy came back for us to conclud what were discussing.

So I decided to be a busybody and I asked him about his intentions towards the girl and he said I should forget it. I told him that the girl is still a child, he shouldn't do what would tarnish his reputation. He said I should forget and he said and I quote " Ti obirin ba ti wu oyun, o ti to for"... The translation is the topic.

I dropped the matter and went inside thinking about how I will call those girls to order. Then yesterday evening, I was sleeping and I heard a woman beating her daughter telling her to stay away from friends and should stop coming to our hostel. The girl lied to her mother about going to buy something not knowing her mother was following her. She caught her with some guys and she decided to discipline the girl at the spot. I ran out and tried to appeased the woman. Told her that beating would make her more rebellious and more smarter. The girl is 12 and in JSS1. We spoke a lot about how a girl child should be and she left after collecting my number and telling me to chase the girl away from our hostel anytime I see her around.


I was very happy that one problem was solved until I went back inside and saw a crowd of babies( I mean those little 12 to 13 years old) inside my neighbor room. Including the girl we talked about. The door was open, they played and laugh and started leaving one but one until it was just 2 of them remaining. The guy was teaching them how to smoke.... He's in 500lv and I thought he would know better but I think he's stupid. Later they locked the door and started playing loud music, later I heard a painful moan .... I don't know what they were doing but I was panicking.

The 2 girls later left too and I was cumbered with guilt about what I should do. I know their mothers. They are selling stuffs around us. I wanted to talk to the girls myself but I'm worried they should not ask me what's my business cause children of nowadays are quite bold. I want to go and tell their mothers about their children behavior but I'm reluctant because I feel I should talk to those girls first.

I'm feeling so guilty ..... I don't know what to do.

Please, take this topic to a Family section to seek for support and assistance. You are in a wrong section Aunty.

Dorwadora:
That's what a man told me 3 days ago. This post will be quite long but I really need people's opinion cus I'm feeling guilty.



3 days ago, around 11pm, I decided to come outside to buy a quick snack. After buying I got to the front of my hostel and I saw some guys I know smoking, they greeted me and I responded. One of them decided to approach me about how we should contribute money for the woman that sweeps the compound. While we were talking a little girl came and tapped the guy to call his attention. I know the girl because she's friend with another girl I always send errands. she's in JSS1 and I was a bit confused about why she would be outside around that time.

The location my hostel is located is a community of both students and indigenes. To be sincere, I already saw the girl with the guy on Saturday I was passing and I saw the guy giving her 2h to buy soft drink. Since that Saturday I was already having the urge to scold the girl about her attachment with those guys. The guy told me to give him a moment and he sorted the girl out. After they made about whatever they wanted to make plan about. The guy came back for us to conclud what were discussing.

So I decided to be a busybody and I asked him about his intentions towards the girl and he said I should forget it. I told him that the girl is still a child, he shouldn't do what would tarnish his reputation. He said I should forget and he said and I quote " Ti obirin ba ti wu oyun, o ti to for"... The translation is the topic.

I dropped the matter and went inside thinking about how I will call those girls to order. Then yesterday evening, I was sleeping and I heard a woman beating her daughter telling her to stay away from friends and should stop coming to our hostel. The girl lied to her mother about going to buy something not knowing her mother was following her. She caught her with some guys and she decided to discipline the girl at the spot. I ran out and tried to appeased the woman. Told her that beating would make her more rebellious and more smarter. The girl is 12 and in JSS1. We spoke a lot about how a girl child should be and she left after collecting my number and telling me to chase the girl away from our hostel anytime I see her around.


I was very happy that one problem was solved until I went back inside and saw a crowd of babies( I mean those little 12 to 13 years old) inside my neighbor room. Including the girl we talked about. The door was open, they played and laugh and started leaving one but one until it was just 2 of them remaining. The guy was teaching them how to smoke.... He's in 500lv and I thought he would know better but I think he's stupid. Later they locked the door and started playing loud music, later I heard a painful moan .... I don't know what they were doing but I was panicking.

The 2 girls later left too and I was cumbered with guilt about what I should do. I know their mothers. They are selling stuffs around us. I wanted to talk to the girls myself but I'm worried they should not ask me what's my business cause children of nowadays are quite bold. I want to go and tell their mothers about their children behavior but I'm reluctant because I feel I should talk to those girls first.

I'm feeling so guilty ..... I don't know what to do.

You witnessed a crime and you didn't report it. What you just witnessed is a rape! I am sorry, you can't mind your business and the guy should be locked up.

DaniDani:
Why showing her unclothedness? Whoever that posted on internet is insane and evil. This wicked generation of brood of vipers can do the unthinkable.

There are many videos of natural birth deliveries on YouTube. Many people who watch this video will only see how great our God is but many others with corrupt minds will only see the woman's unclothedness.

adenigga:


https://dailypost.ng/2023-You-will-never-be-president-Igbos-will-reject-you-Ohanaeze-hits-Atiku

In all 16 years of the PDP in government, OBJ a southerner was the president for 8 years. A northerner in the person of Yar'adua spent 2 years and a southerner, GEJ spent 6 years. Without any form of biases, which region has benefited more in PDP?

Again, in the just concluded presidential primaries, Southeast has more than 100 delegates but Pius Anyim only got 17 votes. It mean 83 delegates from Igbo extraction didn't vote for Pius Anyim.

How is this a problem of the North?

Penguin2:
Chai!

Tinubu has been scammed big time.

Scammed in Kano

Scammed in Kaduna

Scammed by Lawan in Yobe

The old fool is not just urinating on himself, he’s also a paying maga.

But that’s what happens to desperate people. They get used.

But make no mistake, on Tinubu’s saggy scrotum I stand

No matter your political affiliation, this is uncouth and insulting. I hope one day, you will look back and be bold to re-interrogate your life. There is a thin line between sickness and good health, you don't know what will happen in the next minute.

IamV:
Do you use fluoride toothpaste?

If you do,please,stop using them,they are useless [ forget about what the media is telling you ].
Go get non fluoridated toothpaste,& start making use of them.
Secondly,get yourself a bottle of hydrogen peroxide.
After you have brushed you teeth with a non flouridated toothpaste,dilute little quantity of the hydrogen peroxide in a small quantity of water,take it & hold in your mouth for about 5 mins or thereabout.
Do it morning & evening,and you will notice a significant improvement within a week.
You can also brush you teeth with salt once in a while,it will help you tremendously.

Avoid other mouthwashes please,and use the hydrogen peroxide,give me a feedback in a week time.

At op, take this piece of advice seriously. I can attest to the use of hydrogen peroxide, it is the bomb!

Malory:
A con man and a fake pastor

For doing what exactly? Among all the presidential contestants, he is miles ahead.

If you can't assist him financially, please don't rub this on his face. I pray none of you will
ever experience the other side of life. There is a thin line between "from-grass-to-grace" and a "from-grace-to-grass". I pray op find a succour very soon.

odoemelamemmanu:
2023 Presidency : The Fairness I Know

It is my desire and intention to run for the Presidency of the Federal Republic of Nigeria. I am committed to this pursuit, but I can’t make an official declaration to this regard without the full support of other regions. Everywhere in the world, politics is situational and that of Nigeria is exceptionally situational.

The situation in Nigeria is that without the support of other regions, it would amount to a shadow chase for a South Easterner to be President. This is the reason I have been in the frontline of the call that the two major political parties, the All Progressives Congress (APC) and the Peoples Democratic Party (PDP) should zone their presidential tickets to the South East as they did for the South West in 1999. In the absence of this zoning, I shall return to the Senate and stay away from the presidential contest. The reality is that the North is more advantageous to win elections in this democratic setting.

I am even shocked with the number of aspirants coming from the South West and the South South . It is embarrassing that these aspirants (APC and PDP) have no single respect and concern for the South East. I had thought they would think about the South East; I thought they would support us. The amount of money being spent by these aspirants is alarming and they have forgotten that money alone cannot buy the presidency.

It has become a joke to an ordinary Nigerian who hears Southern commentators and aspirants rooting for a Southern President on the premise of fairness, equity and justice.

How can you talk about these morals when you are not even fair to your own brothers?

If there is anything like "fairness", "equity" and "justice'', it should be the entire South pushing for a president of South East extraction. Anything less than that is "hypocritical", "unjustifiable"and "inordinate". Some 'persons' are even claiming God’s anointed choice in 2023 . Unfortunately, it is not all prayers that God answers; at least not inordinate ones.

What moral justification does a Southerner who refused to be fair to his brothers have against a Northerner running for president? It will be very insensitive , unreasonable and disrespectful for any Southern man to criticize a presidential aspirant from the North on the ground that the North has done eight years and power should return to the South.

The South West and the South South have successfully completed their tenures as 'President and Vice President'.They should have the courage to support their brothers from the South East. If the next president after President Muhammadu Buhari does not come from the South East , there would be nothing unfair and unjust if he/she comes from Daura.

This country belongs to all of us and the unity of the country should be paramount . If not for selfishness and greed, how can you say that where a president comes from does not matter simply because you don’t want to support a president of Nigeria from the South East, but turn around to clamor for a power shift to the South? How do we explain this to the younger generation? Let the wise and courageous stay firm on their convictions and not swing on the two sides of the Atlantic .

If you are convinced that where a president comes from does not matter, let Nigerians not hear you clamour for power shift. Be brave to encourage everyone to run , including President Buhari’s kinsmen. But if you have conscience and believe in equality, then you should support the South East region that is yet to produce a president. That is what I consider as fairness .

The two regions that are yet to produce a President are South East and North East. If this means anything to Nigerians, the APC and PDP should be fair enough to prioritize these regions. If power should come to the South and not the South East or North and not the North East, the essence for which the six geopolitical zones were created is long dead .

To Pa Ayo Adebanjo, Chief Edwin Clark , Deji Adeyanju and a host of others who have stood firm in their support for their brothers in the South East, posterity will be kind to you .

Senator Orji Uzor Kalu MON
Chief Whip of the 9th Senate
Federal Republic of Nigeria

https://osunreporters.com/2022/04/2023-presidency-the-fairness-i-know/

Medicine after death. After realizing he has no chance in the race, he decides to throw in the towel. You knew all this while and you still came out to contest against the SE aspirants who had earlier come out before you.

Maybe we shouldn't conduct the 2023 election, Buhari should just hand over to an Igbo man.

emmynoel999:
What is an NFT?

An NFT, which stands for non-fungible token, is a unique unit of data employing technology that allows digital content—from videos to songs to images—to become logged and authenticated on cryptocurrency blockchains, primarily Ethereum. Once content is logged onto the blockchain, every transaction from transfers to sales is recorded on-chain, creating an easily accessible ledger of provenance and price history. The main impact of NFTs is making it easy to own and sell digital content.

The thread was created for those who are looking to learn more about NFTs ,looking for good NFT projects to invest in, or guys who want to sell their NFTs.

Please, I have a question, does Binance NFT have any value. I used hold Trons coin, I just opened my wallet one day and I found 110,000 NFT (APENFT)! I don't know what to do with it. Do you have any idea how to go about this?

tutudesz:
This direct primary of a thing doesn't make sense at all Lagos is a prefect example, were Ambode was rigged out through direct primaries and Government shouldn't decide how parties pick their candidates.
Indirect or direct primaries will not stop God fatherism

The direct primaries means every members of the party should determine who emerges as party flag-bearers compared to delegate system where the governors handpick their favourite candidates. If you were to be objective, which of the two do you think is more democratic?

sthar:
My husband and I have not had the best relationship. The past two years has been really tough for us, we've had to struggle to make this marriage work. Although we have two kids, My husband talks down on me all the time.

He calls me an ordinary female, a useless creation and believes he owns me. He believes women should not have a freewill and are properties to their husbands. He calls himself my Alpha and omega. I sometimes wish he would hit Me rather than say all sorts to me.
Last week he started as usual. He called me names and Went on to talk about how he would teach me a lesson someday. I really don't know what came over me. I slapped him.

I s.wear it wasn't intentional, I didn't mean to hit him. I thought he would hit me back but he did not. It's been a whole week and he acts like nothing happened. He goes about playing with the kids , he greets me and makes sure we have food to eat too , but it is so unlike him.


My husband always reports to my parents. He tells them everything I do wrong and they always end up calling a meeting. But this time he's silent , he doesn't want sex too which Is so unlike him. I don't know what to do , I feel like he's planning to hurt me really big. I want to call my parents but everyone would blame me. How do I tell the world I slapped my husband?

Based on your one-sided story, it appears to me you are the problem in your marriage. I think your story about how your husband calls you some unprintable names and disrespecting you was to gain sympathy before telling us what you did.
Arguement and disagreement are healthy for a young marriage as long there is no form of physical abuse and both parties find a way to settle it and continue to grow.

Your husband reporting you to your parents may come about as a way to settle the disputes when other means have failed.

Slapping your husband means you have a problem with anger, and I guess the reason why he is silent is because he is done with you, but he couldn't take a decision now because of children involved.

Moving forward, you dont have to involve a third party . Go on your knees and beg and vow never to repeat such act again.

Breeze111:
Early this year, my babe broke up with me. According to her, she told me there is a man who is asking her hand for marriage and her parent has already giving her the go ahead to marry d man..

She told me the man is rich and promise to buy her car, bla-bka-bla so I told her there is no problem, she can go ahead since am not ready yet after all am just a shoe-maker still waiting for my NYSC...

Bt of lately like last two weeks this babe started disturbing me that we should come and she is sorry... Well I don't know how she get to know that my mum lent me 600k to start up, of wish am doing well now by his "Grace" and at the same time serving my country presently...

So according to her, she say the man just only wanted to sleep with her and because she refuse and told the man to wait till after their wedding the man broke up with her...as it stands now I don't really know what to do...

To borrow one of the phrases here "to beat you dey hungry me". If you can't see these red flags in your one-sided story, then two of you deserve each other:
- she went with another man who is richer and ready for marriage. If you were doing well then, would she leave you?
- Now that grass is not greener in the other side, she gave you a cock and bull story and wants to come back. Who says she can't leave you again if another person comes calling?
- She got a hint that you are doing well now. This is one of the traits of a gold digger.

To people telling you to play along for your own sexual benefits, what happens if she is pregnant ? Dude, get a girl who fits in your goals and aspirations .

KazikageSama:


I do not think that it is limited to persons under 18years. As far as they are related, it is applicable.

https://www.vfsglobal.com/dha/southafrica/relative-visa.html
http://www.dha.gov.za/index.php/immigration-services/types-of-visas

Thanks for the information.

Abimbolakay123:
Hello wonderful people, My name is Abimbola, I would like to get information on how to secure a Relative Visa to South Africa, my dad is there with a permanent residence and I visited South Africa sometime in 2017 for 2 weeks, can anyone guide me on how to go with my application please?

I think relative permit is for couples and children of a South African permanent resident or a citizens below 18 years.

meetme01:


You don't understand research work.

The researcher is the owner of the work and OP's name is attached to it has stated in the certification page (I certify that this research was carried out by .....) The supervisor can be sued for plagiarism and in a sane society, he would loose his lecturing job.

It once happened to me during my NYSC. I was doing my PGDE and my supervisor was interested in my research, he tried it with me. All I did was to send few lecturers to let him know, I'd take drastic actions. We later agreed to co-author the work which we both use.

OP, you are the researcher, your findings and recommendations is what you need to hold your supervisor's balls. Send close lecturers to him or the ex student to let them know if your work is plagiarised, you would take action(s)

This is not entirely true.

1. The research work is an intellectual property of the institution that awards the degree. Without your research work, degree cannot be awarded and the original copy signed by the examiners stays in the department. This is not saying the department can publish your work.

2. Authorship of paper has to do with those who contribute to its intellectual contents including the conception of the research, data collection, writing and final approval of the manuscript. In American standard, the owner of a lab and by extension a supervisor is the leader, which is why his or her names appear as the last author. Most undergraduate projects right from its conception to the final draft is usually done by the supervisor and reason why he is the first author in some other climes.

3. Postgraduate programs (Research MSc and PhD) is entirely different. The objective is to train someone who can independently conceive and carry out a research work with a minimal supervision. In some schools, you cannot even graduate if you dont have a published paper, and no supervisor will put his or her name as the first author or publishes the work without the student's knowledge. For PhD, you may have to publish at least three papers before you can graduate or submit your thesis for examination.

4. Plagiarism is when you present someone's ideas, work, principles etc. as your own without acknowledging the original author. This happens when you fail to cite appropriately.

mibrims:
thanks for your detailed response but you’re beginning to make me fear i must say
The pain is strictly at my back, lower back which is between my but cheeks. No other symptoms

If the pain is at the lower back and you are relieved when you lie on your back, I think it is just muscle and disc problem (?).

If the pain is so intense now, get crushed ice and put them inside a wet towel and place it on your lower back for 10-15 minutes. It will be cold, peppery and aching. Remove it when you can't feel anything again. This cycle should take about 10 to 15 minutes. Do that 2 to 3 times daily for 3 days.
* Sit with a back rest and avoid bending your back.
* Avoid long sitting
* Avoid carrying weight with your back bent
* Cycling can help to improve movement and to strengthen your back and abdominal muscles, especially if you are overweight.

Do these and still go to hospital as I highlighted before.

Good luck bro.

mibrims:
Hello fams! Sorry I’m in this section instead of health, pls help i ‘ve got this chronic waist pain that has made me to start crawling like a baby, I can’t walk for seconds without holding unto something to avoid falling, when i manage to stand, I can’t stand straight, always bending to onside, i suspect sugar though i have really reduced the intake since this pain comes and goes, I can’t remember having any back injuries and i have done infection taste as suggested by a health worker the last time I experienced such. Sugar aside pls is there a cause for alarm? And if it’s sugar pls what’s the solution? I have been taking bitter leaf water since it started two days ago, since 2018 it comes and goes. Should i quit taking anything sugary? I don’t even take tea with sugar, i drink alcohol occasionally.. pls help me for this is the greatest pain i have felt in my entire 3 decades of existence

Back pain is one of the leading causes of disability. The causes are many: structural changes in your spine if you are in the mid 40 and upwards; it could be positional (long sitting in an awkward position, sleeping on saggy mattress etc); or it could be a pointer to some pathological disease ( kidney, cancer etc).
If your pain increases with movement of your spine and relieves you when lying down, we are dealing with a musculoskeletal problem.

What to do nonetheless:
1. Go to any laboratory for normal x-rays and take the results to hospital. MRI or CT scan is expensive and is not the first line of investigative tests.

2. Dont self-medicate, some of the NSAIDS drugs are highly sensitive to internal organs. Go to hospital.

3. Change your work ergonomic ( make sure office desk and chair are suitable for proper working conditions). Avoid long sitting. Exercise is good when prescribed by a physiotherapist. You will be properly guided at the hospital.

4. Sleep on the floor for few days and observe if this improves your pain. Maybe it is time to change your saggy mattress and get an orthopedic mattress.
5. Go to Google for additional information on your condition, once you've adequately knowledge about it, you will be equipped on how to manage it.
Good luck.

Pidaa:
Admin please post in on top page.

Today I was at my first lecture in my university at the UK. We were told to do introduction by the lecturer of the course we attended and after that the lecture began, at some point we have to take break for rest.

Then the lecturer offered to buy drink for all the students that were in class at the school canteen. We all followed the lecturer to the school canteen and grabbed a drink, even when a white boy was insisting not to collect the offer, the lecturer was begging him that he had already paid for every body that the boy should just take a drink.

Then my mind returned back to Nigeria to those days when I was still doing my bachelor degrees and remember what those witches and demons lecturers did to students. I was just like why? Who did Nigeria offend that we are so cruel? even when I met police last week after I lost my way, you can see how their police was polite and showed me road. Them nor ask me anything for the boys. We need to start to get things right from our foundation and not blaming the government always.

I understand the reason why you singled out the Nigerian lecturers out of all the rots in the system, maybe a bit unfair to some good ones among them. However, Nigeria as an entity is screwed up and no part of it is comparable to the UK, same reason you inadvertently attacked the Nigerian police too.

Zuchey91:
I need matured inputs please.

I am a married woman, with a child.

My Marriage has been really rocky. Quarrels every now and then.

What basically causes the problems is our differences, we just don’t understand each other, it wasn’t so visible during dating.

Although we did not date for long....but being married, it has been from one issue to the other, right from a week after our wedding.

I have always contemplated leaving, but I am yet to be fully independent.

Sometime this year, I found out he has been cheating (I was not surprised, but I was heart-broken) my discovery strengthened my resolve to leave the union.

In the process of nursing my heartbreak, I reconnected with an ex, we got talking and he helped my heal. I did not tell him what I was going through at the time...I was just enjoying the attention he was showing me.

I should state that I did not tell my husband about his cheating, I held all the emotions back, it was a very difficult period for me because I am usually the outspoken type.

My ex is not based in the country where me and my husband reside, we just communicate on phone, he says he misses me and would want us to meet when he is in town.

I should also state that my ex was married but divorced.

I would not deny my having feelings for my ex, and I also do not want to believe in a fairytale ending, I am just confused.

Lady, cheating comes in different forms. You are already cheating with your ex, the only difference from your husband I think is intimacy. If you were too good for your ex or he was the one for you, you wouldn't have become exes. It is only a dog that goes to its vomit. You want to go back to someone who is also divorced? Don't you think that is a red flag? If a peaceful resolution with your husband is impossible, may be divorce is inevitable, however don't be a rebound for your ex. Get skills and make yourself independent.

Crossroad1:
Let me use my uncle as an example here...

This is a very hardworking man who doesn't drink, doesn't smoke, doesn't watch football and doesn't womanize.
An extreme introvert who doesn't even keep friends but he got married to a very temperamental woman but it wasn't so initially.
Shade (not real name) was very loving when they first met, it was love at first sight..
Though she was the outgoing, party starter type, but she was a good cook, and like egbon said, she can allow him have sex with her anywhere and anytime.
Her promiscuous side wasn't in the open all these while.
How she manage to keep it a secret is still a mystery though egbon is someone who is always busy at work and the wife though a graduate choose to learn hairdressing to keep herself busy.
Shade is a very pretty woman. When I mean pretty, I mean extremely pretty.. If you are seeing her for the first time, you will believe she is an half caste.
But she get angry for no reason, small argument or admonishing, she can just get angry, get out of the house and egbon will looking for her..
Maybe it was because of the beauty or the good food, or the not denying of sex, I don't know (egbon always believe with time, he can tame her) but she had a great influence over egbon..
Even when the family was beginning to notice her bad attitude, egbon choose her over the family cos he really love her, he loved her pass love self...
Egbon wasn't well to do when they met, he was living in a face me I slap you house wherr they share toilet with everyone..
While they live together, it is sometimes 1-0-1 or 0-1-1 or 0-0-1 but she stood by him all through that time..
So they got married despite almost everyone was against it.
The real problem started when she started giving birth.
She threw caution to the wind and became abusive. She was very strict to family members, manipulative and self centered...
She came from a broken home anyways, she was raised by her mother but in all fairness, her mother was a good woman who doesn't love trouble and she often wonder where her daughter got her own skuchy from..
Omo, shade get serious craze o..
After 3 kids, egbon couldn't tolerate her again.. She keep late nights and she doesn't even come home most times.
Egbon endured her for 12years before he let her go leaving the kids behind..
She was free to do whatever she wanted.
Let me just fast forward to years later when egbon has sent his kids abroad, he didn't remarry but kept a girlfriend after years of begging him to do so..
While egbon suffered the torture and torment of his wife, he didn't bring the matter to the family, though they know what he was going through..
Many years later, aunty came back using her kids as excuse.
The flower tattoo she drew on her shoulder was already looking like an ugwu leave during harmattan.
Because she was beautiful, her thoughts everyday was maybe someone like dangote or otedola will just wife her..
She is the lazy type that wants to live the lifestyle of alakija.

This is not a fiction.. How come I know so much?
I started living with egbon when I was 14yrs old. My own eyes too see pepper and shege..
Why egbon endured it all was because of the kids.
Most times, egbon said he wished he can run away but the kids keep holding him down cos even on her kids, she no dey get mercy..
My own wife too na dangbana choko and immediately she gave birth to the second child, I catapult am go abroad. The only diff be say, my own wife can die for her kids..

So let's have it. Why do married men keep quiet and tolerate nonsense in their matrimony?

What prompt me to write this story?
He just called me now from the USA and we talked and laughed about so many things he went through. Even him self now dey claim hard guy and redpill.

There could be many reasons why some men tolerate these behaviours: number one factor is children especially when a man marries late. You see a man in his 50s with kids in the age bracket of 3-10! He begins to think " where do I start from?". You hardly see a man with grown up children caught up in this mess. Another factor is personality: most introverts are quiet, reserved and hardly discuss their private lives while they continue to suffer in silence. I think what helped your uncle was because the children are in his custody and probably grown up.

Basalt:
Goodmorning Ladies and Gentlemen.
I am Basalt by name and I came to Germany last year(2019) October for my MSc studies with a little amount of Money and a partially borrowed block account from my inlaw (his money and my money).
On arrival in Germany, I took only a few courses and got a job outside my city and also got a mini-job. I did all my monthly expenses from my Mini job and used my main job to completely pay back my debt within a few months of arrival.

Now, that's not the discussion at hand.
I need advice especially from people who have lived abroad or have many years of experience in life.
My visa still counts till 2022 and I can even extend it if I don't finish my studies by then.
According to German policy, once you graduate from the University, you will be given 18 months to get a professional job or return back to your country.
Returning back to Nigeria is totally out of my plan at least for now because I came from a very poor family without any job connection and I am really enjoying Europe.
I plan to buy land or start building a house (I saved millions of naira and will even save more as time goes) but my friend who is also a student here discouraged me against that saying that my root is not yet fixed abroad that I should wait and continue investing in myself and undergoing professional training until I get permanent residency before investing. That I should always keep saving because it is not certain that I will get a professional job after graduation since my course is not in Information Technology which is currently booming in Germany. That even if I don't get a job, I can use the money to migrate to Canada or any other country of my choice.
He asked What if you invest the money now and don't get a job after graduation, what will you do after the 18 months of post graduation visa since you don't have any backup from home who will help you out financially.

What do you guys think. I need opinions

You can actually invest in yourself as your friend suggested and also invest in properties in Nigeria.

1. If you graduate with a good grade, you have a good chance of getting a funded PhD programme in Canada or USA. So, whatever your jobs you are doing now, make sure they do no affect your studies. Investment in yourself through certifications/professional training will come handy when you are applying for PhD programme. There are few universities in Canada who do not require language proficiency results, what will count is your grade and how many papers have you published.

2. In any human endeavours, you must have a plan B. If plan A does not work out, you can always fall back to your plan B. Investing in properties in major cities in Nigeria is not a bad idea at this juncture. You can buy plots of land in good areas and I tell you, you will get your money back.

If I may ask, do you need to spend Millions to invest in yourself? I don't think so...

Daddycharger:

Marriage has been cancelled mr man!! Not on hold

I think you are happier than the op for cancelling his proposed marriage-LOL