Hereditary diseases are diseases that are genetically transmitted, i.e. from one generation to the other. The most prominent and common, at least in Africa, of these diseases would be the sickle cell anaemia disease and I think I'm right in assuming that this is what you're talking about Chigszy?

To avoid birthing a sickler (as we call them in Nigeria), it means that a couple must ensure that they both are not carriers of the Sickle Cell blood type. For example it is not advisable for a guy whose blood group is AS to get married to another AS. Their chances of having a child who is a sickler are really very high 1:3. In some cases in fact all the kids are Sickle cell anaemia disease carriers. I had a cousin who was a sickler, lost him barely 2 years ago; I have a very close friend who is also a sickler (he is married with a child now, thank God). I also have a niece who is also an SS. It is not the best of experiences for both the parents and the child concerned. Some are luckier than some but for the majority who are visited by constant attacks, it is really very gutting. My heart (I don’t say that lightly at all) goes out always to people in this condition by absolutely no fault of theirs.

As advisable as it is to be sure that your partner while courting is not AS (if you yourself are AS) how do you ask this question of a guy in your first few dates without appearing too pushy? Be that as it may, should this be discovered at the latter stage of your relationship, while preparing for marriage, what do you do? Call it quits? There's no straight forward answer really. If anyone finds themselves in such a situation, as harrowing as it might be, the decision remains totally with the couple in question. To be on the safest side however, it is advisable that someone who is AS as I am, marries a guy who is AA.

Having said that, whatever anyone decides to do in this situation, I strongly believe that their faith shall surely make them whole.

About sexually transmitted diseases (STD), well, there's only one way to go isn't there, out! More so if the STD was brought about by the victim's promiscuity.

The Bible is indeed confusing to a lay man or even to young converts. As with everything else, the more you read the Bible and meditate on it, the clearer the Holy Spirit makes what you read. Now with regards to praying amiss. I very strongly believe that what the Bible refers to here 'You get not because you pray amiss' is the fact that some people ask God for things that are so not biblical, hence, unacceptable and un-grantable. Whatever it is you want from God, the Bible emphatically says for you to pray to Him through His son Jesus Christ. He Himself said 'and whatever it is you want from God, ask it in my name and it shall be yours'. We can not compartmentalize our prayers, some to God and some to His Son Jesus Christ. An example of asking amiss is an unmarried or single woman praying for a child, God does not support that and such request may never be granted. A junior employee who is not ready to be corrected or adapt to company policy fervently praying for a promotion, a housewife coveting another's husband and praying for him to notice her in return.... all these are asking or praying amiss and those requests are never granted, at least not by God, of that I'm sure. But whatever request is biblical, whatever prayer seeks to promote and promulgate the goodnews of God, whatever our desires are that tally with God's wishes for our lives and those around us... these requests are best made to God through His Son and with a little patience where necessary and applicable, we are bound to get the full physical manifestation.

The most 'domestic' of men can only do so much in the home. I certainly do not expect my husband to do the dishes, wash clothes, sweep the house and all such things. In this day and age where both husband and the wife leave the house almost at the same time to get to work, even wives hardly do all of these chores anymore. There are house helps and nannies to make the workload easier. However, there are tasks that remain so intimate that even your househelp cannot go near. All over the world, it is not peculiar to our men, food is notably the fastest weapon to a man's heart. Even men who love cooking leave the task to their wives. Men rarely cook. There’s a hugesatisfaction in eating food prepared by the wife just as an ideal wife loves cooking for her loving husband. In as much as any responsible man will not watch his beloved wife slave away under the heavy burden of housework, domesticating a man is so out of the question. If all your fiancé does while you're courting is help you wash the dishes, trust me honey, after marriage,.... well he'll still help out but simply by removing his own socks when he gets in from work. It's a man's world and we can't do anything about it. Most women love and enjoy doing these things for their husbands but there must be again, mutual respect and love between them (the ideal marriage). A man cannot be changed to do as you wish, it's a fantasy. What you see is what you get, so if you don't like what you see now, don't get it in the hope that you know how to handle him. Hate to burst your bubbles girlfriend, but it so does not work that way.

Gone are the days when men shouted out instructions and women jump to do their bid. These days, men simply add the word 'sweetie' and women still run to carry out their wishes. Let's face it really, it's a man's world. Yes, women are helping out in the finances of the house now more than ever, but that by no means diminishes the man’s authority.

In an ideal marriage however, the husband does not laud his authority over the wife. If there is mutual respect, I should think both parties are well aware of their duties and carry them out as at when due. What women are to men are helpers. If men are without us they become almost clueless. We both (the two sexes) cannot do without the other.

As the head of the house, the man is enamoured with huge responsibilities such as security for his family, financial provision and he is also the voice of wisdom most of the time. Nothing diminishes a man's respect faster than constantly shacking his responsibilities as the head of the family. If the head of the house remains faithful to these duties, there is absolutely no question of the wife's and indeed the children's respect for him.

In a nutshell, each party has a vital role to play in the family. Close knitted families are more often than not bound by love, respect and credibility. I speak very largely from experience, to the glory of God.

Finding or confirming that your partner is the right person is the trickiest thing on earth. It is at the same time very relative. You see, as human beings, the only constant thing in our lives is change. What you fancied or considered the right thing or the right person at a certain age and level pales into insignificance at another. For a jambite (as we call them), the right guy might be any of a lot of guys but as she moves closer to her final days on campus, the story changes entirely. What am I trying to say?

It takes a right person to know who the right person is. Makes any sense? I cannot decide or know my right person even if he sits on my head without me being confident in who I am first and knowing for certain what I desire to see in my ideal guy. Every man/woman who desires meeting and knowing (when they do meet) that this is the right person must first of all mentally (or even physically) draw up the basic qualities and values they want in their partner. For example, do you want a person who is God fearing, someone nice and patient with others as well as you, who cares about the things you care about, someone with the same or even more sense of responsibility, credibility and such things that are important to you? Moving on to the ...well,...vainer side of things, do I want a tall guy (he'd have to be because I'm 5'11'), does he/she have a career he's pursuing, the list is endless really. But one thing I've come to realise over the years is that going out there looking for the right person without being armed with the basic qualities you want in the person when you do find them or they find you, as the case may be, is as good as going on a treasure hunt blindfolded. Whatever your fingers touch will appear to be a treasure even when it's clear to every other clear-sighted person around you that it's nothing but a garbage bin.

Re dating many people before finding the right one, I'ld say some people are lucky first timers. The first person they meet is the right one, my big sister is one of such, verily happily married to her childhood sweetheart for over 8 years now with 3 adorable kids. She was barely 23 when they got married. For others unfortunately, it involves emotional wounds and scares from past relationships gone bad. But if we all know what exactly we want in our partner, even though we are not likely to tick off all the points we want in that right person (for instance, he might be all what you looked out for in a guy but without a dress sense...Help Him!) the good thing about adhering to your list of values and basic qualities is that you know when you meet the wrong person and you save yourself undue stress and months of needless heartache.

Having said all of that however, it's not as easy as it sounds, it boils down to being truthful to yourself and praying to the One who founded the marriage institute to show you your missing rib.

diakim:

Personally, I believe the right age for a man to marry is when:
1. He is financially able to take care of a family (not necessarily rich).
2. He is emotionally mature to play the role of a husband and a father.

As for the woman, the right age for her to marry, in my opinion is when:
1. She is has reached at least the age of 18 (to guard against VVF).
2. She has learned a trade or skill to avoid being a financial liabilty to her husband.
3. She has a ready suitor (which is the most important factor).

Brother, whereabouts are you from? Forgive my French, but I couldn't help cracking my ribs when I read your “She has learned a trade or skill to avoid being a financial liabilty to her husband”.

I believe what you meant to say there was she must be independent career wise. Learning a trade or skill somehow reminded me of the days of my great grandparents when all the wives could do was limited to dyeing clothes, selling palm oil or farm produce and matting hair.

I'm of the personal opinion that Olufunmi is wonderful. African Queen is by no means any less wonderful. The fact that 2Face's vocal quality can not be overlooked makes it even better.

There are three songs I listen to repeatedly and 'Olufunmi' takes the first place, followed by 'African Queen' and "Oruka Ti D'owo Na". I usually leave them on while cleaning on Saturday or something. So, yes, it's really good and I don't think it's overrated.

I love music to bits. I've been in the choir all my life, well not presently anyways. Yeah, I love jazz but I must say my favorite of all times remain Kenny G. True talk about Kunle Ajayi too. People who've got the wherewithal such as venue, artists and the modalities should really think about organizing jazz nights once in a while, you'll be amazed how soothing it is to the soul. That's the effect of good music generally anyway not disorganized noise like DMX or the likes. Sorry o DMX lovers.

@Seun
Nice one lad, you never stop amazing us

To all Catholic faithfuls and indeed to the world at large, accept my heartfelt condolences on the demise of a great man of God. May his toil and turmoil here on earth be adequately rewarded in heaven.

Having said that, I've maintained the view that rather than mourn, Catholics should actually celebrate the late Pope's life and achievements. He was a man who like Apostle Paul, his namesake, can adequately say 'I have fought the good fight'. If anyone finished their duties on earth, I would say it was him. So, celebration of Life for him really.

It's common knowledge that 3 people are being considered for the next Pope and one of them is from Nigeria. It's a great task being a Pope. We are in the 21st century and all of that, this is religion we're talking about as well and I'll be one of the happiest people should the next Pope emerge from Nigeria but I'll also be one of the most amazed people. Some people will die rather than vote in a black Pope. It's pathetic really to be judged and crucified by your skin colour, but it's the sick world we live in. If it can even become debatable whether priests are allowed to be gay or not and be 'joined' in the Anglican Diocese, a hot debate over a black Pope will definitely ensue. Sad, but true.

Thanks girl...... , that's me blushing there.

dominobaby, you are indeed missing something here. Trust me, that film is simply amazing for want of a better qualifier. It's just not your everyday movie and all the more impressive because it's simply relating a true life story (Genocide in Rwanda, not as gory as the title suggests, don’t worry). You're positively gonna be on the edge of your chair from the very start to the end and even thereafter. I'll leave you to see the movie but you can check out the review at www.hotelrwanda.com

We had several dogs while I was growing up in Ibadan. I love dogs with a passion but that passion became significantly dim in 1999 when I lost my very own dog. He was a pure Labrador and absolutely out of this world (well, he's gone back there, hasn't he?). I named him 'Blacky' because he was black all over save for a hint of white on his neck.

He simply took to me out of the other dogs the minute he trotted into the house. There were times I could have sworn that Blacky understood my moods. We were that close. I would take him for walks amidst several admiring glances from onlookers, bathe him every blessed Saturday morning, go for drives together and the likes.

Anyways, he was poisoned by men of the underworld in several abortive attempts to gain entrance into our compound. He eventually gave in and died. It was indeed a sad day. I remember I was writing my exams in UI then and my folks kept the news from me till I finished and came home. Such was my closeness to the dog. Suffice to say that I've ever since kept a safe distance between our dogs and myself.

The last time I was home there were 2 huge dogs christened 'Tiger' and 'Betsy' by my mum, no less. Tiger looks very much like one but I really don't know anything about him. My present living conditions do not permit owning a dog, but I very much suspect that should I move into an accommodation with a garden or some space enough for a roomy kernel tomorrow, I'll be getting myself another Blacky.

That's very well said and will definitely reduce the risk of malaria but if you do all of that to your compound and within your immediate environment, how about the next compound? How about the million and one places we always have the need to visit?

There'll always be one stagnant water somewhere unattended by anyone and mosquitoes will continue to breed there. We have to face it really, we're in Africa and a long way away from a malaria free environment, crave it as we may.

delarontus:

Just saw 'Finding Forrester', absolutely fantastic. looking forward to watching 'Hotel Rwanda' and diary of a mad black woman. I love epic films, comedy, action, sci-fi, cartoon and thriller. Don't talk about best-sellers.

Anybody loves books?

delarontus:
'Finding Forrester is, as you put it, is absolutely fantastic. Now, 'Hotel Rwanda' you must look for and see. I wish I could post my copy to you. It's an amazing film. I've seen it 3 times in the last week and there's no getting used to it.

Necessary Evil
Well, there's no other way to put it than the obvious... I love shopping. It does not help matters that my cousin and I are age mates, live together and have the same dress sense, more or less. We go shopping practically every weekend unless of cos when we’re broke. Just this morning, we were talking about how we shop too much. But then again, it's something that can't be avoided, is it ? Does anyone feel me on this topic? Especially ladies. You've been invited, yet again, to an outing and all of a sudden there appears to be nothing suitable in your chukka blocked wardrobe. How can you not shop for something new to wear? Weddings are gonna start happening right, left and centre this time of year and let's just say it's a punishable offence to wear that wonderful dress everyone was drooling over at Tayo's wedding last year to Kunle's wedding this October. Why... if they drooled over it last year, they'll remember it this year...

It's pathetic really and wrecks havoc on one's bank account to say the least, but if you know a way out of it, I'm happy to hear you out.

Ooops, reading that for editing purposes, I must say it sounds a bit vain.... That's the wrongest picture, I'm everything but vain..... well...... not really.

seun:


But I refuse to agree that men are lazy! My mind is made up, so don't confuse me with the facts.

Alright dear, we'll leave it at that but not before I point out that you've just buttressed my point. In that regard simply repeat after me and let's see if you can manage that much. Ready? Steady? Go: Men are lazy! Period!

But we love you anyways (more fool us)

Whichever view one decides to adopt, really, it's wrong. What I was trying to say earlier is that some situations are better judged after you've had a close shave or a near experience. I'm not saying I have and I sincerely pray that I never fall that weak but the fact remains that I've come across loads of people of both sexes who found themselves prey. These are not bad people we're talking about, they don’t have horns or any such thing, and quite to the contrary, they're hunks and babes by anyone's standards. That's beside the point. I'm saying no one sets out to hurt their spouses in this manner, well, no one in their right minds. Yet, unfortunately enough, it happens every minute. As we speak, someone's husband is busy trying to find out what colour or designer another woman favours in her choice of underwear. It's disheartening at best, I know, but the cruel fact remains that it happens and our society condones it. Guys, stop sounding like it's an alien idea, it's not right but it's happens just like practically every other thing that obtains in our society. May God help us all. And just for the record, what right or time does a married man/woman have to 'hang out' with someone of the opposite sex? Where is her husband, where are the kids? Once hanging out entails getting dressed up, leaving the house and meeting up with a man/woman without your spouses knowledge, let alone consent, there's fire on the mountain.

I'm simply amazed, to say the least, at this topic and the response so far. Enh, enh, no kidding, so there's a different taste to pounded yam and the machine processed one ? THEN POUND THE YAM YOURSELF, my dear. I'll be too happy to tell you how different it tastes. Then again, is it just me or has any of these guys failed to intimate us of the heavier and more productive things guys are purportedly doing while we wash, rinse, clean, dust, take care of the children and yes, cook ?

It's slave trade all over again, if you ask me. I grudgingly subscribe to Seun's school however. These gadgets are not as expensive as we make them out to be. It's just the mentality. What is wrong with vacuuming my house rather than breaking my back sweeping the whole house when the kids will only unleash havoc in a couple of hours. Especially when I’m so allergic to dust! Having said that, it will help if guys bought these things for their wives seeing as they are the ones who allegedly do the 'financial running' of the house as someone said.

Stop kidding yourselves guys, to answer the original question, which Seun was amazingly man enough to truthfully do, you are all simply too lazy to be bothered and if your culture permits, which it undoubtedly does, such laziness, by all means fold yourself under its skirt. Imagine!!

It's amazing, but you definitely sound like a guy after my heart ... well, film wise

Those are by far my favourites of all times as well. I must have seen 'Bourne Identity' and 'Bourne Supremacy' at least a zillion times. 'Casino', 'Last Don' ... I could just go on and on ...

Kazey has said it all really. I should simply buttress his point by saying there is no such thing as 'marriageable age'. As long as one is independent maturity wise (which in itself is a relative thing) and the financial means (without which the whole thing will be a joke) is readily available, then by all means, it's time to settle down. Having said that however, one needs to take into consideration the issue, I dare say the vital issue of raising kids. In my personal opinion, a lady who is younger than 20 might not necessarily be the best of mums to her kids largely because she is still so much a kid herself. Although there are women who are well over 30 and are still not the best mums. In any event, the 3 major factors I believe one needs to settle down will of course include a responsible and like minded man/woman (2) Maturity cum high sense of responsibility and last but not the least (3) financial independence. This does not exhaust the list by any chance but represent the basic things to look out for.

Erm.... Seun, I'm precariously closer to 30 than I am to 25 and I am not married. That is not to say that I've been too choosy or picky, it's just that the 2 relationships I've ever had didn't turn out too well. I've still got deep emotional scares from the last one and it's been over a year. Armed with such invisible wares, one tends to shrink away from these things till you find the right person. It takes time for you to know that, hence my seeing someone now for the last few months and trying to see if we are indeed compatible or not. Touching briefly again on financial independence, the erroneous and outdated belief that a guy must earn and save so much before he gets married is completely untrue. Couples who genuinely love each other remain helpmates and pool their earnings and resources together to meet the needs of the home.

Subjects as heavy as this are usually multifaceted, in that there are diverse sides of it for different people. The foregoing simply represents my personal view.

Top ten

There are movies and there are movies as we all must know but there are some movies I really love. I must have seen them a million times but I'll see them again at the drop of a hat.

The other day, I sat down to see all four of Mario Puzo's 'Godfather'. I couldn't help marvelling at Al Pacino's and Rob Deniro's combined acting talents all over again.

Another one is 'The Shawshank Redemption' - amazing film. Usual suspect- absolutely amazing.

'Murder In The First' -- about Alcatraz and the hideous things that went on in those cells before it was finally shut down.

I love 'Pretty Woman' as well on the lighter side.

Ah well, I could go on forever about the films I love but I best give you guys a chance to do the same. So, who likes any of these films as much as I do?

Ciao.

When I was a bit younger than now, I only saw things in black and white. At such a time I would have assertively condemned any such lady. Now however, when shades of grey appear to exist besides black and white, I say it depends.

Generally speaking, it is morally and spiritually wrong. There are however instances wherein it might be permitted, while not recommended. Take for instance a man married to a woman who is mentally challenged and in a mental institution, he might seek solace and companion from another woman.

Please do not get me wrong, I am by no means permitting it under any circumstance. Spiritually there is absolutely no defence or ground for it. But judging such women without actually knowing the circumstances surrounding such relationships might be too hasty in extremely few cases.

Personally though, I do not recommend it to any woman.