We have to bear in mind that the decadence and corruption plus sabotage in our system have eaten so deep into government and leadership. It will take years of thorough scrubbing to clean the debris and erase the marks, if ever. Now for one man to attempt to start that process is fantastic, in my opinion. The journey of a million years starts with the very first step, which is what I strongly believe OBJ is taking, the first few steps. I throw my weight behind him, for all it's worth.

If that suggestion was to be taken up, I'm afraid many schools will have to turn their classrooms into other business ventures as they are bound to refund parents. I am of the strong opinion that the schools are not doing half as much as they ought to be doing with and for students these days. I repeat that I am not talking about priviledged schools where parents pay through their noses and had better get more than their expectations, but more about public schools. Nigeria is bound to run into even deeper waters if nothing is done about the quality (I cringe to use that word) of students being produced and graduated from secondary schools as well as higer institutions.

While not having to contest for the position, men however MUST maintain the position. Now that is a lifetime job. So, why make you contest for it when you spend your life defending it?

Nature is indeed a gift and I think the advert is so romantic, albeit unrealistic. Watching the sun rise or go down is going a million steps closer to nature. It obviously gives the guy pleasure and him sharing what gives him joy with his girl is the issue. He didn't say for her to reach out and take it now, did he? My point exactly!

@Seun, please don't tell me you outgrew Bethoven....... I completely adore classical music and yes, it does say a lot about who you are, if you ask me. Pieces like 'Hallelujah Chorus' Handel - Messiah.... well, it all brings memories rushing back from the days I used to be a chorister. It's one of my dreams to attend an Opera where these songs will be rendered live one of these days.

Erm... that part about you beign a softy......... we can't very well tell, can we?

Roll your eyes all you want, my dear. How typical of a guy to read my post out of context!

I am not supporting the barbaric notion of forcing a woman into marriage. Never! I was simply stating that in the days when parents ‘arranged’ for a certain young and upwardly mobile man, whose family they had thoroughly scrutinised and found worthy of their daughter, to have her hand in marriage, marriages lasted and couples seemed much happier than what obtains these days.

Like it or not, the family one marries into matters almost as much, if not much more, than the individual one is marrying. His/her family, to a reasonable extent, makes or mares your marriage. In a nutshell, I was suggesting that it's better for all parties concerned to know the kind of family one is marrying into, be aware of their strong points and shortcomings (there is no perfect family) and be ready to live happily ever after. That sure sounds better to me than not-too-pleasant surprises springing up in marriages and all.

Capische?

Seun, smart as you are, I'm sure you know the answer to that already......erm..... NO!

Unless you're all set to start pumping steroid tablets, I see no way you can build muscles while sitting in front of your computer.

As per what to tell a skinny boy.....well, nothing really, if it's genetic. Some people don't reach their full physical potential till they're well into their 30s. Always assuming your dietary habits are healthy, mind.

You don't necessarily have to go to the gym to be fit. Nothing wrong with good old jogging. Thrice, maybe twice a week, wake up an hour earlier than normal and jug round your street, get your heart rate up and jump start your metabolism for the day. Get some dumb-bells for your arms and chest muscles. You can manufacture yours like my brother used to or simply buy some, they're reasonably priced, I believe. One important factor though, you must know that guys burn up fat much faster than women…. testosterone and all. Consequently, it’ll really help a growing guy (0-25 or thereabout) who doesn’t want to be skinny, if he maintains a very healthy diet and eats at least three generous meals a day.

kodewrita, it's alright to be choosy, but the meals you like, do them justice and I've realised that inventing your own cuisine. It makes meal time exciting. It does get pretty boring having to choose between rice, beans, amala, eba and pounded yam all the time.

Well guys, hope that helped.

@Seun, that's funny becasue the really funny commedies are black comedies. In my opinion, at least.

My wife and kids: I find really hilarious most of the time. I constantly pray not be unfortunate enough to have a dumb kid like junior.

Eve: While not so funny, is really nice

Half and half: I think the 2 mothers are really insane

The others elude me now, work and all......

be back shortly

I think it's a most brilliant and fantastic idea and I call your attention to a similar debate re free talktime on mobilenigeria. We're surely going places, we are!

Tayo, although I'm Anglican by birth, I completely identify with you. Nothing beats the services, the communion and the closeness you feel to the supernatural when blessings are being said. Some parts of our liturgies are in Latin as well and however much I go to Pentecostal churches, I always need a touch of my home church once in every while. Absolutely nothing in the world beats carols at Christmas or Easter renditions, not if it's St. Paul's choir rendering it. I was 10 minutes late last year and met hundreds of people in the same shoes outside the church. It was too full to allow us in. I practically cried all the way home and consoled myself with the TV version on getting home. This year, God willing, I’m going to be an hour early.

Uumm..... but for geographical constraint, I would have been tempted .......

Some Nigerian comedies are really hilarious and have me in stitches most times. Others are simply appalling. Actors and actresses trying too hard and ending up looking stupid. Fuji House of Commotion is really nice and I watch it any time I can. Home videos are also really nice. I'm amazed time and again at how fast we've advanced in the movie industry. People like Baba Suwe, Osofia, Dejo, Elesho and another albino guy with loads of freckles (I don't know his name) are so terribly funny.

Just like Seun said, if one was to get films or plays by Papiluwe, Jacob (bless his soul), Aluwe and the rest of them, what seemed funny in their days is almost annoying now. It's like watching Efe with Baba Ijesha in it again now, it's really stupid.

In any event, I love Nigerian comedies and I think those guys I mentioned above are exceptionally funny and what makes it better is the fact that they are so natural.

Had they discussed the proposal with their daughters, it would not have been called arranged marriages. In my home town, Ibadan, wives were 'married' in the same barbaric way. The funny thing however is that these marriages lasted and the couples seemed happy enough. That much can not be said of the majority of marriages that obtain today. Reason being that before parents of both parties can mutually agree to give their daughter’s hand in marriage to those asking for it, they must have studied the groom's/bride's family, as the case may be and be certain to a very reasonable extent that the man will make their daughter a very good husband and vice versa. No parent will give their daughter's hand in marriage to any man who is short of responsible or lacks good character. Although, to every rule there is an exception. There must have existed cases where the marriages turned out less than perfect but family involvement and expectations restrained the man from out rightly misbehaving and equally compelled the woman to live up to her expectations. With the grand entrance of civilisation however, things have changed significantly.

For the better or otherwise remains to be decided. Today boy meets girl on the road, in church, in school, at a party, wherever and one thing leads to the other. They court for a while and eventually meet the parents. Whether or not the boy has spells of mental incapacitation when it rains, no one knows. If the girl finds it difficult to stay with one man, it is unknown to everyone. Are we better off now in making independent choices or then when partners were arranged by parents with their children's best interests at heart?

There are downsides and there are positive sides, it is however unclear which outweighs the other.

And the schools, institutions of lower and higher earning, what duty of care, if any, do they owe their students?

Interesting turn and twist to this thread really, although I must say we seem to have missed the point here. Seun, if the leaders who are admittedly products of the yester years more than anyone else are this greedy and void of any sense of remorse, what this present generation is capable of is indeed unthinkable, trust me.

Good point as it is, it veers away from the crux of the matter. Let us shift our focus from the minority in power and re-focus on the larger population; our own parents, uncles, aunts and cousins. Even to people who are light years older. The quality of education (chukka blocked as it is now) is a far cry from what it was. There exists no discipline on whatever level, parents expect teachers to tutor their children both academically and morally while teachers are far too busy cutting corners in endless attempts to make ends properly meet to care about what students are getting up to. I simply wanted to know if I'm too harsh in my assertion that parents ought to take more notice of who with and where their children 'hang out ', what comes out of their mouth, how they respect other people and expect it in return. Our schools on the other hand should be made aware of how low they've dropped in their duties to educate students and guide them in the right path.

I said it earlier but it is so important that it bears repetition, should this present generation by any chance gain access into power, it might not be long before there exists a huge vacuum where before there existed a great nation known as Nigeria.

A discussion at work today prompted this topic. There was an argument on how the kind of music you listen to and how your first 5 best artist (musical of course) immediately says what kind of person you are and shines a bright torch on your personality for all to see. Well, I was one of the active or should I say vocal members of the party that strongly stood for the argument. Just as the way you drive and your writing have been found to bespeak volumes about who you are deep within (another discussion for another day, really) music, your choice of it, to a very large extent, also tells a lot about you than what you say.

For someone like me, if I were to reel off the names of my top 5 musical artists, they would be:

1. Phil Collins (Another Day In Paradise, All Of My Life, I've Been Saying Sorry)
2. Michael Bolton (Said I Loved You, Soul Provider)
3. Bryan Adams (Everything I Do)
4 Tunde Baiyewu (Lighthouse Family; High, Lifted, Ocean Drive, Passing The Hours)
5. Sade Adu (Smooth Operator, Your Love Is King)

Those are just the first five and I guess they and their songs say a whole lot about the sort of person I am, well, to a large extent as I said.To some it will obviously show that I am far from my teenage years, to others it might appear boring and then again to some it depicts rich and soulful music. Deduce of that what you may .

I love Lagbaja with a burning passion and have every single one of his work from the days of Colours. Speaking of Tunde Baiyewu, does anyone know that he's gone solo, no more Paul Tucker and that he's recently, well last year really, released his first album? Check it out and listen to some of the songs on his site ww.tunde.co.uk. Tracy Chapman (Last night I heard a screaming, She's Got A Ticket)has my undivided vote any day, any time.

I guess it's time to move over and let you guys have your say as well. Feel free to agree or disagree as you see fit, but the fact is, I strongly believe that one's choice of music says a lot about their personality.

My rating for OBJ's performance/achievements as a president are way above average. Like most people, my arguments against his government were the lack of relief measures for the common man. The fact that there are no exceptional physical evidences or evident improvement to basic and social amenities were also included on my list of points against him and his administration. It took me a while and endless discussions with fellow politically passionate Nigerians to realise that my line of thought was somewhat parochial. That it is one thing to have good intentions and another for your fellow leaders and followers to see your vision and run with it alongside you. Our leadership is full of ‘sabotagers’ (if there is any such word). We all know our country and the kind of people in power, the same vicious cycle that has been in leadership for ever. Power corrupts, they say, absolute power corrupts absolutely. The people in power stand to gain much less than they currently do in terms of material, stupendous material wealth and power/authority were the country to be better than this and favourable policies implemented.

To cut my tirade short, yes, OBJ is indeed contributing brilliantly (all the more applaudable are his efforts to achieve this even in the naked face of diverse oppositions and antagonism, some known to the public but the majority behind and within the corridors of power) to re-build this nation or at the very least to lay a better foundation on which the next generation can erect a great and admirable structure. Whether or not the said next generation or the so-called leaders of tomorrow are up to the daunting task remains to be seen.

There is hope for us yet as a nation. Although, cynical as it might paint me, I cannot but wonder what became of the findings of Oputa Panel and where all the millions recalled from the Abubakar, Abacha's family and the rest ended up. I might be far behind in my politics update but I don't recall the money been put to any positive use, if any save for fattening other people's already obessed Swiss acounts.

Erm..... Seun, the rest of us might just start to wonder why we didn't get such a warm welcome from you as did Laide...... . Just kidding. Laide..welcome on board.

I'm glad to buttress Tayo's introduction by confirming how deeply satisfying it's been to read posts here day after day and tap into other people's fount of knowledge and experience. Kudos to the brain behind it all and warm regards to the rest of us . Hope to learn more from you all and be of whatever minute help I’m capable of. Laters.

seun:

Trae, it is in the interest of the common man for the very rich to "waste" their money buying unnecessary things. Or else there's no way the rest of us would catch up! Those who provide "premium" services to the rich are wealth redistribution agents.

You accurately hit the nail on the head with your last post. Without redistribution of wealth, however seemingly ineffective, the ordinary man on the street will be without hope and no assurance of something as basic as feeding. Instances abound and are too numerous to note. But for the sake of this argument; without people who are ready to add credit to their phones everyday, what happens to the young man on the road all day hawking his scratch cards?

Simply because it appears quite contrary to more popular opinion of massages, deep meditation (Yoga), getting enough rest and other universally accepted ways of 'killing' stress, all of which are by no means less effective.

I'm afraid I have to second Chigszy's stand. There are different ways of relaxing and working out stress for different people. There are no methods grafted in stone. I, for one, shut out the world and its ample stress by getting myself a really good novel. I'm a drifter, you see, and often find it easy planting myself at some beautiful scene or the other in my book. I love sitting down to well plotted movies as well. At the end of a meal (whatever catches my fancy at the time) with a novel in hand and lovely soulful music in the background (e.g Tunde Baiyewu's new album or Lighthouse Family), I can not be pinned down by stress of whatever nature.

For some, lying down in a bath of steaming scented water for ages is a sure way of relaxation. I haven't actually tried that but I'm bound to find it as sure a way of easing off tension (particularly from work!) and coming out wide awake and alert.

But..... that's me and those are my methods. To each, as they say, his own........

Every where in the world, it is becoming increasingly clear that schools are no longer what they used to be and consequently pupils/students are a far cry from what they used to be.

In yester years, when schools were indeed institute of learning, parents were always happy to send their errant or somewhat naughty children to boarding schools so as to teach them some well tailored manners. Schools were not just places you went to master your tenses or add up correctly. No. You also learnt to be cultured and well behaved. Teachers were respected and feared more than parents. To some extent, it would seem that parents gladly shelved the responsibility of scolding and training their kids to schools and teachers not to talk of seniors. But if this method produced the desired results was it so wrong? It would also appear that teachers then were just too happy to take on the extra responsibility of instilling discipline in their students.

These days, some schools gain the ‘cool’ logo because teachers are not allowed to discipline students. Students roam the street when they should be in school. There is absolutely no respect lost for their teachers. I am concentrating more on the public rather than private schools. I am well aware that some private schools manage to instil discipline and a lot of finesse into their students while some merely succeed in turning them into spoilt brats.

Unfortunately for the society that produces these uncultured students, their negative impacts are felt at the universities, in the work force and all the way to the top. Sometime recently in one of the Western countries, the lawmakers actually sat down to pass a bill forbidding parents from smacking their own children. What is the world coming to? Is it part of civilisation to spear the rod and spoil the child? If parents pass on the responsibility to teachers and teachers are hand tied not to punish or God forbid, beat erring students, what hope is there for us as a society and a race at large?

Now, the question is, do you subscribe to the Western views that children should not be punished in school? Do you honestly think that the students coming out of colleges everyday are fully baked and well armed to go into the Universities without succumbing to peer pressure to join cuts and such like?

Finally, what seems to be the way forward, the family or the institutions of learning?

Talking about movies again, I heard someone utter a statement barely an hour ago that reminded me of a film I saw ages ago and loved so much. I can't remember just how many times I saw the movie in question but let's just say that I can still say so many lines from it offhand. I'm talking about the all time comedy 'See No Evil, Hear No Evil'. Now that was some funny film. For the benefit of those who never saw this film, please go to your nearest video club on Friday night, curl up on the sofa and have a wild time laughing all the way preferably with your husband, wife, partner, b/gfriend as the case may be. Two friends; one blind, one deaf dominated the film to the end; hence, it's all telling title.

Moving on to heavier stuff, some might start thinking I'm obsessed if I say I saw Hotel Rwanda again last weekend , well I did.

Let me tell you a bit about the film, enough to whet your appetite. For starters, it's a true life story about the genocide in Rwanda. The film is so perfect that you actually momentarily forget you are not in Rwanda. The emotion that wracks through you to the very end reassures you that there is hope left for humanity yet. It is the story of a man who single-handedly saved the lives of so many people. Well, maybe I shouldn't say single-handedly because some of his hotel staff helped him out.

The man was none other than Don Cheadle (starred in Ocean 11 &12, Sword Fish amongst other films). What never fails to amaze me is how this American mastered the Rwandan accent so perfectly. Well, I must add that he spent a long time in Rwanda prior to the shooting and met with the man whose life he sought to portray (Paul Rusesabagina) who is still very much alive.

In another part of this forum we were discussing what makes a man the head of his family and how respect is earned by him. If and when you see this film, you will marvel at the faith and complete trust the wife (acted by our own Sophie Okonedo, a Nigerian, an Ibo girl, though she was born and weaned in the UK) had in her husband. The husband is Hutu (the ruling tribe) while the wife is Tutsi (the minority massacred in Rwanda). It was like the case of the uproars between Ishekiris and Ijaws in Warri. You know Ijaws married to Itshekiris and vice versa were killed during the crisis, some even by their very husbands. But this guy stood up to provide a refuge for his wife's people together with others who were merely neighbours and those who ran to him for help.

He disregarded his own life and submitted himself to fate. He even managed a sense of humour through it all. The only reason Ray Charles got the OSCAR and Hotel Rwanda didn’t is simply because it is still very fresh in victims’ memories and might lead to a crisis in America between whites and blacks based on the way the whites in Rwanda treated the indigenes when they were in dire trouble and needing their help. And of cause, forgive this escaping my memory; the whites started the whole problem in the first place by empowering the Hutus and then leaving the Tutsi’s in government.

The best thing, really, is to see this movie. It is now available on DVD and I'm sure you can obtain a copy if you go to any major film shop or something. If you see it and it's anything less than I've proclaimed, please feel free to have a go at me... only don't swear please!

Touché

If I know nothing about marriage or even relationships, I know for certain that no one craves the pain or hurt that inevitably follows a bad marriage or a broken relationship. Silly as it might sound, choosing a partner or matters of the heart are way different from choosing what suit to wear to work or what car to buy next year. Why is it different? If we all knew the answer to that then no one will ever have a sour relationship again. Won’t that just be the perfect world! Experience, they say, is the best teacher and it's been proven time and again relationship wise. The major prayer is never to get into the wrong hands or to court the wrong woman. A typical instance, a legal career is a legal career. I did not start off Law Classes in UI under the false impression that I would graduate as a medical doctor. That's the difference. Practical, daily issues will not present themselves to be what they are not. Men and women world over however, are not as simple and uncomplicated.