₦airaland Forum

a party without vision.

Kenai:
www.nairaland.com/attachments/3524059_index_jpeg7a22bf66580ddb64c14e9a6d0970044a

Amaechi: *counting with fingers* These are the number of votes APC got in my polling unit...

Kwankwaso: Ehen?

Amaechi: ...Ten

Kwankwaso: You mean 10 LGAs?

Amaechi: No. Ten.

Kwankwaso: Ohhh, Ten wards? Cheer up. Sometimes, minor disappointments can---

Amaechi: *cuts in* No, I mean ten.

Kwankwaso: Oooh, I get. You mean you scored 10 times more votes than PDP, right?

Amaechi: No. As in... Ten.

Kwankwaso: Damn! Anyways, Wike is the governor, so PDP taking first place isn't out of the ordinary. Atleast, we still finished 2nd place at your polling unit, so I guess it isn't all that bad.

Amaechi: Actually, we finished 3rd...

Kwankwaso: So, who finished 2nd?

Amaechi: There were 26 voided votes, so "Invalid" came 2nd.

Kwankwaso: BLOOD OF GOD!!!

The most comical thus far.

pmc01:
You still do not get the point. It is not in the place of the President to make such distinction. What was the need anyway? You know how Nigerians love to excuse wrongdoings and he still provides them a good cover to 'steal' because it is different from 'corruption'. Who doesn't know how to search the dictionary for the meaning of the words?

Twist-ter!

Bitterleafsoup:
Who told you that tall is wide and deep?
Your not serious....

I can sense that you are a pretty tall dame.

Wideness doesn't go for any group, tall or short can have it.

janellemonae:
ode.

thank Miss Sabinus

myfantasies:
All dese ladies with very large boobs will just be intimidating we with little boobs

Let me walk out of dis thread with shame

moderate boobs are awesome!

keep your head up!

dainformant:
The Ooni Of Ife, Oba Adeyeye Enitan Babatunde Ogunwusi,Ojaja II and his new wife Olori Wuraola paid a courtesy visit to the Sultan of Sokoto who visited him (Oba Enitan ) in Ile-Ife before and after his Coronation. The monarchs are set to hold talks on youth empowerment, and to also strengthen the Relationship between Southern Western and Northern Nigeria.

http://www.nationalhelm.com/2016/03/ooni-of-ife-and-his-new-wife-visits.html

good news for Western and Northern Nigeria.

same hot Emuoha!

DonZizzy:
Syinix fans on Nairaland ,Today i want your opinion on this matter .
Between WATER DISPENSER AND REFRIGERATOR
which would you buy IF YOU CAN ONLY PICK ONE?

How much is your dispenser?

I can't believe that I'mstill nakéd on my bed this morning.
Thanks Wike

oglalasioux:
Obosi na ajo uzo!
Mmiri amaa nsi!
Ara nwanyi asaba!
Igwe ejee nga!

Obosi and it's bad roads. (Obosi and bad roads.)

Rain has rained on excrement.

The breast of Asaba woman.

Igwe has gone to jail. (Igwe is heading straight to jail).

Sunnynwa:
"Udele anyuo nsi na altar"

Vulture has dedicated on the altar.

legalworld:
1. Mmiri amaa efi n'anya.

2. Ara di n'udi n'udi.





5. Otuto etoo Eze n'otule.

Lol.

Rain has rained into the eye of the cow/bull.

Bréast has different classifications.

A boil(cyst/lump) has grown on the king anus.

it ain't easy being a virtuous man.

hmmm

hammariise:
Where are the wailers?
Buhari is not a magician
If you can't wait then relocate to anywhere you want. But we are Nigerians and we have nowhere than Nigeria, and Buhari is our president and we're so proud of it, but if you're not comfortable with it then go we've no problem, but please shut up the hell out of your mouth.

But Buhari deceived the masses.

The reality is now beginning to hit all and sundry.

The years of the seven fat cows are gone; now is the years of the seven gaunt cows.

Nigeria needs to diversify or face deletion. Everybody depending on oil should change his or her perspective on the economy.

Nigeria has failed to sow when there was plenty, we were continually deceived by topshots in Oil and Gas that building a refinery is a waste. We exported every potential of creating wealth for our people abroad. Oil refining, toothpick production, even food farming was exported; we failed to encourage our engineers, our graduate horticulturists, etc.

It's not just Buhari and Jonathan, everybody must be involved. The time of free money is over, austerity measures and pragmatic solutions is what we need.

falconey:
Yes my cousin Alex and thats because he is in prison

u say them prisoners never rod him nyash?

Fkhalifa:
oh really
Baba which category of girls have deep wide cunt? I wan learn

Tall girls have deep type.


For the wide type, it goes for both tall and short; it may be genetics, extralarge drilling tool expanded it or child birth.

deltaboiy01:
l was just wondering is it possible for a penis to grow after puberty.I mean im 19 now ,and going to be 20 in a few months, i have seen this mentioned somehwere before, but not sure is it possible for me to add at least a little but more length or girth maybe. or maybe you guys heard of cases when guys joysticks were still growing in their early 20'? maybe there is some thing i can take, or some kind of excersises that i can do to maybe help this process, not like penis enlargement pills cuz i know those really dont work. let me just say im about 3" hard right now, and let me tell you its killing me. sometimes when i think about this, i think maybe i should kill myself and end this now, im not really suicidal or mentally ill, im perfectly sane i just feel like i dont really have anything to live for, i mean no matter how successfull i might be in life or how much i will achieve, i will always have a small penis, and will never be able to really satisfy a girl, crap is just fu..ck up and i dont know what to do. if there is really nothing i can do about my penis maybe i will just shoot myself, am in my final year now and i dont know if all these years of study really worth it. right now im hoping to find something that will help me with my size. anyway i think i wrote too much, really looking forward to see what you people think.

Look out for short girls only. Their G-sppot/pussay is not really deep.

or

Move to India, China, Korea; most guys there are below 4" instrument-wise and they are considered kings in their territory.

airsaylongcon:
I am not Igbo (even though Yorùbá folks classify all southern non Yorùbá people as Igbo) but our memories should not so easily fail us. When the Nigerian police and Army where doing target practice with ndigbo during the recent biafra uprising in the East this forum was littered with people of Yorùbá extraction egging the security forces on baying for more blood. I'm not sure you commented on the level of hate shown then. The Americans say payback is a female dog!

As for your assertions of dominance, you are spot on. This is the achilles heel of the easterners. They go into a territory and try to dominate the locals. Funny enough the Jews (I'm not by this insinuating that ndigbo are Jewish) tried dominating the whole of Europe and got Hitler pissed. Now they still dominate but in a very very subtle way

so where do you hail from?





@thread
seriously, at first sight, i thought the shirt-less man was Ambode. SuperHero Thor to the rescue!

collinsVP:
We can confirm this afternoon that Dame Patience Jonathan has been arrested in the United States on orders of President Muhammadu Buhari for gross misconduct and misappropriation of State Funds. The News was broken by a close aide of the former First Lady who pleaded anonymity. The embattled First Lady was picked up at the JFK International Airport in New York by Men of a Special Unit of the DSS attached to the Nigerian Embassy in USA.

According to her aide “President Jonathan is covered by immunity but Mama Peace isn’t. So the way I see it, she might pay for all her husband’s misgivings”. Dame Patienece was arrested without offering any resistance, however she had this ti say

“The wucked ones have come for me but their plans will fail. Aisha, God is seeing you. Sai Baba, God is seeing you. There is God in heaven. He will release me because I am innocent”.

President Jonathan has declined to comment


http://www.weeklypostng.co/2016/02/breaking-news-patience-joanthan.html

fake news



Jonathan no longer has any immunity.
DSS cannot operate outside Nigeria.
President Jonathan.
Funny use of English .... Lamentations of Patience Jonathan



lalasticlala kindly hide this thread

Ghana!

@ jayfrank085

Are you ready to kill your mum so that you can be rich?
I swear, the day you visit that Native Doctor, you will start contemplating on sacrificing your mother.

My advice:
1. Go to God in prayers. Ask God to to take control, pray and surrender yourself to Him; just like Peter surrendered his net to Jesus.
2. Read daily devotions on The Comfort Zone, this will help you elevate your mind from the realms of poverty and frustration - from a victim, to a survivor, then to a champion. Start with this inspirational devotion - On Eagle's Wings.
3. Find a Priest or Pastor to pray deliverance prayer for you. Please don't give a dime or buy anything for deliverance. Deliverance is free and it comes from God.
4. Find something that you know how to do and earn a living from it. Example, if you studied Maths, go to a school and teach, organise tutorials and lessons. Market yourself!
5. Dream big, while you do the little things. Have a vision, because God always makes the provision. If you don't dream, you cannot be creative and provide solutions.
6. Read motivational books.

PoliticalThuG:
After alotta campaigns to patronise madeInNigeria goods, then you decided to go for one!

seriously, I've been laughing for past 5 mins.

Füçking hilarious!

Abegi!

This woman should take chill pill.

Youpele52:
19 Everyday Things We Never Knew Had A Name

We do a lot of things in our daily routines. But do you know we don’t know what half of these things we see, do or simply overlook are called?

Let this educative article grace our honorable frontpage.

http://www.indiatimes.com/lifestyle/self/20-everyday-things-we-never-knew-had-a-name-244336.html

Make it 20!


Ereyesterday - the day before yesterday!

dollyjoy:
Her opinion is useless like the "ay" in okay.

like 'ueue' in Queue

chai!
lalasticlala come see your cousins

Kelklein:
not up to 18...don't count rectangles

I didn't count rectangles. All 18 are squares.

18

Kelklein can't see more than 18

empty space ... please delete

APC is just like animal farm

MeloGist:
How True Is this Photo Of Government Vs People??

http://www.melogist.com/hilarious-photo-of-government-vs-people-pics/

cc; lalasticlala, Mynd44

lol .... laugh don kill me here