₦airaland Forum

iamord: I can see how cool it feels to you making fun of the country. Whereas you just made Yourself look dumb.. No one may tell u tho..and even if they discover oil and so?

I think what airforce1 is trying to say is that ghana's economy has plummeted into the ground so deep that it can find oil

@op so any suggestions on how nollywood can resolve the problems you have with them? cos i'm more of a solution oriented guy

Thought about a black garrotte
but in my defence i hate being normal












































"Normal is boring"

@op how dare you insult our rich "gbegboru" tradition passed down by our fore-fathers
Nice one sha

33117: Wow that's 9ice but why did it take you so long to finish?
Can you do expendables 3?

expendables has a part3, i haven't even seen the part 1 no shaking betting things are on ,cos all this retired actor film no dey ever make sense

hugh jackman
shock value right there people are shocked or are you shocked i bet you didn't see that coming
audience
More like comic relief
micheal fassbender
. Haha i kicked your a*ss when i was way older and you were made of metal what stops me from kicking your a*ss now that i'm younger and you are made of bones

narrator
Meanwhile in the future the sentinels finish their lunch break and return to blowing the sh*t out of everything at sight
shawn ashmore
Uh ellen i think we need to teleport again the sentinels are............(Gets blown to mars)
ellen page
(Still laying hands on hugh's head rather than running)*Stuck on you
I've got this feeling down
Deep in my soul
That I just can't lose
Guess, I'm on my way*
halle berry
Wow! I guess this is my chance to at least throw a punch must take advantage of it(gets blown to venus)
omar sy
Finally i get a say something (reading script)what is this? O-NO-NOT-THE-FACE What does that even mean? it's standing behind me isn't he?(Gets blown to damascus)
sentinel #1
Wait a minute, haven't we killed these guys already what are they doing here again? *sigh* its getting really old killing the same people
sentinel #2
Here's someone we haven't killed before (blows ian mckellen to smithereens)
ellen page
Can't let go of hugh the bridge will close
patrick stewart
Wait a minute are we supposed to believe that you have been standing here for all the time hugh has been taking trans-atlantic flights, having lunch and taking naps? Do both worlds operate parallel time variation? Aren't you supposed to be like dead by now from all that blood loss?
ellen page
Well actually the time in hugh's journey is much faster than in actual time hugh might have spent three days so far but actually it's been only ten minutes here
-inception theory
patrick stewart[\b]
we are actually stealing from inception a movie produced by a dude who thinks ejecting yourself out of a plane is enough to survive a nuclear explosion and radiation? We are doomed ( gets blown to bullawayo)
[b]bryan singer
Despair and death i like it put more afterall there are no more meaningful setpieces. from here on in just more explosions and more deaths till we write ourselves into a corner how's my 70s crew doing?
narrator
Micheal is about to drop planet saturn on the government, when nixon of all people steps out to talk to micheal
richard nixon
Don’t do it! Kill me if you have to, but spare the others!
micheal fassbender
Wait a minute there are two nixons and this one is actually nice and care about american people and is actually a hero? This could only mean.................
jennifer lawrence
surprise i'm about to hook you up to a life time of prison r*pe you b*tch
narrator
nixon turns into jennifer, who pulls out her bra and sling shots a pebble that knocks micheal down then she kicks him into a coma
micheal fassbender
When will they stop making me go out like a bloody i*iot?(Passes out)
loki
welcome to the club
jennifer lawrence
(Turns into arrow and Points a gun at dinklage)
PETER DINKLAGE YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CITY
peter dinklage
Failed the city are you kidding? Look around you are the ones scaring everyone here i created earths last line of defence against you creeps and i was right to do so there are two mutants here today one tried to throw a planet at us and now the other is holding a gun to my face and talking to herself any reason why i'm still the bad guy here?
jennifer lawrence
I'm not talking to myself i'm talking to my bone head brother through our mcavoytel
i must kill him he deserves to die............... fine you have a point................ But what if.........hold on just hold on what if..........stop cutting me short i'm gonna hang up i'm gonna hang up
james mcavoy
(On mcavoytel)
Jennifer don't kill peter so they can see you as a hero and automatically trust us
jennifer lawrence
Really? We just saw a mutant throw a stadium on the white house after which a shape-shifting mutant shape shifts into different characters and points a lethal weapon at politicians while ranting insanely to herself. During an anti-mutant rally, what stops them from ripping me apart when i drop the gun
james mcavoy
Hmmm good point
bryan singer
Yes i love this more despair more suspense more ............ hey what are y'all doing?
writers
Dude we've written ourselves into a corner
bryans singer
Aw man already time to employ hollywood's secret weapon
writer
You mean like creativity and reasoning?
bryan singer
I said secret weapon not common enemy push the magic reset button
writer
Are you sure this will work?
bryan singer
Damn right it will now hurry up before tim allen and the cast from galaxy quest notice that their reset props is missing.
writer
Its been an honour working with you guys(push button)
narrator
We see white for a few seconds then it resets everything but unfortunately doesn't take hollywood back to its golden age in 1997 anyway we find ourselves back at x-men part 1 again
and we are back at the start of part 1 where anna paquin who rules in favour of yep you guessed it mutants back at xavier school fourteen years of hard work is flushed away and everyone is holding hands and singing the aquarius
sean ashmore
*when the moon is in the seventh house and jupiter aligns with mars*
famke janssen
*then peace will guide all the planets*
james mardsen
*And love will rule the stars*
hugh jackman
What's going on?
patrick stewart
Well we are having a happy ending we totally won
hugh jackman
Really? Is stryker dead?
patrick stewart
No
hugh jackman
Is sabretooth dead? You know he had a taste for killing people in xmen origins right?
patrick stewart
Em nope
hugh jackman
Is magneto dead?
patrick stewart
Nope
hugh jackman
Do i have my memory this time?
patrick stewart
of course not it always ends badly with you, you know the drill
hugh jackman
How's this a good ending this is basically a reboot i mean mutant haters are still out there stryker may just go all out against mutants again and then jean will turn into the phoenix who will in turn twist everyones sh*t and the sentinel programme will be back online and why are you still in that f*cking wheel chair? Didn't nicholas houlte create a serum again or a robot to preserve my memory from the past
patrick stewart
Well you didn't ask for your memory to be preserved remember i asked you if you wanted anything?
bryan singer
What did i say? what did i say? Anything that has the bryan singer touch always needs a REBOOT! o yea
narrator
back in the 70s we see stryker fish out hugh from the river
jennifer lawrence
Haha its me again! Rewriting history again no adamantium experiment for you hugh you are stuck with that disgusting bone claws forever and when we have a duel at the statue f liberty spoiler alert i shall have adamantium claws muahahahahahahahahah!
hugh jackman
But i still kinda have amnesia which was caused by stryker adamantium bullet to the brain after like giving me adamantium bones and sh*t
jennifer lawrence
Er........we are destroying that timeline but dragging some of it back ugh! This is the most confusing movie ever i'm out
Academy Awards
And the award for movie with the most inconsistent timeline,convoluted plot,thin storyline and all in all a waste of your 2hours goes to Xmen: days of future past
skyfall
what da? When will this hate between the oscars and british movie ever end? This category is totally us for God's sake we made moneypenny a black demoted field agent who met bond(when close to retirement) in her late twenties bernard lee's M is back but in ralph fiennes body which makes everyone wonder c after judi dench announced her self as the first female M, Q is now a hippie Desmond Llewelyn, bond now makes jokes over his love interests death when apparently his previous movie was about him flipping the f*ck out over a girl that killed herself and we showed "bond" on his parents tombs which means daniel craig is a 45 year old sean connery and all those thinking bond is a cover name should officially go f*ck themselves now how is that for timeline destruction?
Academy Awards
Yea you really did f*ck up the bond franchise you should have gotten this award but there's something missing
bryan singer
That's right B-R-Y-A-N-S-I-N-G-E-R franchise destroyer look me up
END

patrick stewart
Well you can't use cerebro anymore because you have become a human hater somehow your hate for humans has affected your powers and you can't function normally
james mcavoy
Hate for humans? What does that have to do with anything? And since when does hatred for humans interfere with my powers
ian mckellen
Good question my hate for humans is what makes me even stronger my alarm tone is a human screaming in agony that's how much i love to hate humans
james mcavoy
Anyway supposing i hate humans now how do i stop hating humans
patrick stewart
isn't it obvious you have to start loving humans again i wasn't very bright in the past was i?
james mcavoy
Start loving humans? Are you kidding? When they hate us and have begun exercises to extinguish us have you seen the skyscraper robots they are building just for us?
patrick stewart
of course i've seen them hello? I'm in the future?
james mcavoy
Then you get my point how can i possibly love humans
patrick stewart
*sigh*Just chill till the screenwriters say its okay to get your powers okay? Okay gat to go now
(Call terminated)
screenwriters
Epiphany time in 3,2,1
james mcavoy
in love with humans already *goodmorning sunshine the earth says hello the twinkle above us is the twinkle below*(notice hugh and the gang staring at him funny) ahem! I mean i've got my powers back lets like get to work
narrator
next we see a train carryingjaegersentinel body parts and moving through a thick forest into a military zone in U.S.A because.............. f*ck you france, meanwhile marvel places dumb and dumber at the base for comic relief

Dumb
Did you hear that?
Dumber
Hear what?
Dumb
That horrifying metallic bang and magnetism that just shook the train
dumber
You mean that horribly-fake SFX they use when magneto is bending iron. Why does it even make noise?
dumb
Well according to stan lee that's what magnetic attractions sound like
micheal fassbender
(Rising behind them) i'm back b*tches
dumber
Shhhh!Okay i think i just heard a dudes voice
micheal fassbender
(Facepalms)
narrator
back at the james mcavoy mansion

james mcavoy
I just found jennifer alright trying to talk her out of killing dinklage
hugh jackman
what? You mean the fate of the world rests on one foot and you still want to reason which the catalyst? my friend will mind control the f*ck out of her?
james mcavoy
Damn it i just lost her
hugh jackman
shocker!
.james mcavoy
But there are alot of people at the airport i can see
hugh jackman
Good mind control all of them to pin jennifer to the ground and wait till you get there
james mcavoy
No can't do.............. anything else?
hugh jackman
Oh yea could you like change the ending of xmen origins where you found young james mardsen and the gang?
james mcavoy
You mean when i (who was bald already,super aged and could walk even though i'm paralyzed right now BTW) find them on some random island? But that was pretty cool i'm not changing that
hugh jackman
Dude it was very lame you just happened to know your way without cerebro and your helicopter was not shot down for hovering over a restricted island without clearance, plus you looked very creepy and smiled like a p*dophile dangling bait i mean it's a good thing stryker shot me in the nuggin and helped me forget that in a hurry
james mcavoy
You are right i probably should re-write that bullsh*t plot point anything else? Like suffocate osama bin laden in his sleep, make friends with warren mother f*cking buffet,erase the amazing spiderman1& 2 and iron man 3 from hollywood database c'mon the past is yours to re-write

hugh jackman
No, thanks i'm good.
narrator
At pentagon micheal infiltrates the building to retrieve his helmet(that surprisingly enough was not thrown in the trash) by ripping off a metal door when he could just purchase something similar from a boutique or a flea market

micheal fassbender
Hmmmn time to wear my awesome helmet but hmmmn should i perhaps wear it with the red agbada it looks kinda cool on ian hold on, hey bryan 1973 is joan rivers around by this time
bryan singer
Yep
micheal fassbender
Okay, just the helmet in that case.
narrator
meanwhile at the white house peter and richard nixon are holding a press conference to demonstrate the jaegersentinel robots work(what ever happened to testing it on middle easterns as usual?)
[b]peter dinklage
Hey if i knew the americans were such violent war mongers i would have given you people the sentinel sooner
richard nixon
You are lucky our economy is in a deficit right now and we need war to distract people from the senseless tax hikes but you know, we aren't gonna have jurisdiction over france so how do you benefit from this?
peter dinklage
hmmm you're right wait how about if you are caught using your freakish mutant powers i shall send you to america to get blown to bits
richard nixon
Really? So how do you intend on catching the mutants
peter dinklage
Ur by using the police i guess
richard nixon
So what the f*ck are these gigantic robots for?
peter dinklage
do you wanna distract the world or not?
richard nixon
yes please
narrator
Nearby,james and the xmen search for jennifer using their brain i mean literarily
james mcavoy
Should we really be doing this right now there are like a ton of anti mutant, pro-mutant people shouldn't we like mind control them into doing a stryker long distance endurance trek like xmen origins or perhaps mindcontrol the secret service to suddenly grab the VIPs and take them to safety
bryan singer
well not according to hollywood cliche climax just keep being st*pid and everything will be fine
peter dinklage
Gentlemen,the future is here i introduce to you armageddon i mean.......
hugh jackman
Red steel robots? I thot we were shooting an x men movie?
james mcavoy
No its a voltron we watch plenty of that in the 70s
micheal fassbender
Really? I thought it was. Krane from robocop that's why i plan on ripping the sh*t out of robocop 2
peter dinklage
These are sentinels c'mon haven't you seen the comics? Wait what? Is that micheal fassbender?
richard nixon
Isn't it too early for the gay stripper with a helmet to show up wait a minute did you say micheal fassbender you mean he's escaped from prison again? Why am i the last to know?
narrator
micheal begins to control the robot into destroying police cars and shooting up the floor in robocop 2 style

james mcavoy
Wait a minute how is fassbender making the robot shoot? I know he controls metals but since when did he start controlling the mind of machines?
nicholas hoult
James , do you realize Micheal is actually doing a good job now americans will be scared sh*t crazy for their lives and automatically reject the programme
hugh jackman
Yea unlike some people who are just touching their heads and trying to "make connection"
narrator[\b]
[b]micheal change am for them
richard nixon
Hey that mutant just threw a sports stadium at the white house
peter dinklage
And he just threw the whole of westafrica at the white house too
nicholas hoult
Oh my God now he's going to throw a planet at us
james mcavoy
Damn it micheal what are you doing the threat is over your good intention has been fulfilled
micheal fassbender
man f*ck my good intentions am just ol'micheal crazy pants who wants to destroy the world for no reason
james mcavoy
*sigh* hugh go get him
narrator
then hugh jackman who has been in every war since the 15th century,kicking ninja a*sses and mutant a*sses alike unveils his best tactic yet which is "throw caution to the wind and just dash out at micheal fassbender"
hugh jackman
Aaaaaaaaaaargh blaaaaaaaaargh raaaaaaaaargh!
micheal fassbender
Oh you are still here? finally come to be useful to the plot?
hugh jackman
I've come to stop you check it out no more adamantium claws now we can see what a real magneto wolverine fight looks like
narrator
Micheal makes hugh his b*tch and tosses him into a river
To be continued...........

Csami: Boy O boy! This last one was awesome. The accent, the do over and all got me laughing.

marvel year of torture right there my friend

narrator[\b]
[b]The gang hop into james private plane. And head to paris micheal fassbender and james mcavoy who were super tight in xmen first class have their ONLY conversation in this movie and they do it like they are kingerdaten kids who are fighting over a toy or something

micheal fassbender
Hmmmn lemme get this straight peter dinklage was kidnapping mutants and harnessing the f*ck out of their organs and you decided to take a serum that stops you from having mind powers? WTF?shouldn't you have like made a refugee shelter for mutants or use your wealth and influence to battle peter dinklages illegal human rights violation?
james mcavoy
You cannot make me the villain here what about you? Em em em what bad thing have you done..................... YEA! You stole jennifer from me.............. wait that didn't come out right
micheal fassbender
Stole her? Dude you asked her to leave with us you said you could sense her desire by reading her mind and sh*t or are we destroying that timeline too?
james mcavoy
And you tried to nuke america and USSR soldiers over the excuse that they are going to war with us
micheal fassbender
Funny you should say that cause you know that's why future hugh is here if you'd let me nuke them you would still have your legs, your powers, you won't need to build a sanctuary for mutants and may be this mess of a movie wouldn't exist you know i'm having a hard time trying to figure out how i'm the villain here
james mcavoy
Fine i shall get back to you on why i hate you and why you are a villain later
micheal fassbender
Whatever now if you excuse me i shall go have another boring meaningless chat with hugh perhaps he could bitter talk me to sleep
narrator
In france,
Peter dinklage is stealing from the plot of pacific rim and hoping the international reps at the meeting don't catch on
peter dinklage
Just imagine you could be sitting with donald trump on a nice summers eve closing a trillion dollar deal when a giant robot shows up, blast donald trump and his tupee to jerusalem and takes off without explanation or politely apologizing to you the innocent by stander or even cleaning up the mess, pretty cool huh? Now that is the french way
thai hoa le
Okay, now first of all you are stealing from the hellicarrier idea in captain america winter soldier you are just wrapping it up in pacific rim clothes secondly er...........you do realize that if we knew that mutants existed in the 70s acting like they were new in the early 2000 will make you wonder what we were doing in the eighties and nineties which automatically makes this the most confusing movie franchise ever. And three SURPRISE!!! I AM ACTUALLY JENNIFER
peter dinklage
Wow! The same stunt you performed when wanted to capture senator kelly in x-men 1
narrator
Thai ho ale transforms into jennifer lawrence who in turn transforms into bruce lee and starts whooping every body's a*ss effortlessly and in cold blood
Peter dinklage
Wow! Who thought you how to infiltrate highly secured government meetings? How did you learn such skillful karate chops? and how did you become such a cold emotion-less scarlett johansson type of assassin?
jennifer lawrence
Sorry guys no character development stories today for all talk and no play might be peters plan to get away so if you don't mind i shall point a gun at his face call a bunch of mutants you don't know and hope you people catch on
narrator
as she is about to execute peter hugh and the xmen show up just in time hollywood timing
james mcavoy
(Giving jennifer the 100 year old bullsh*t hollywood line) jennifer you don't have to do this,your dead friends wouldn't want you to do this, gimme the gun, it's alright,if you kill him then you are just as bad as the rest of them
hugh jackman
Yes jennifer cool down just .......(Notices stryker in his twenties and begins to flip balls)
WTF?
young stryker
What da? I'm sorry do i know you?
wolverine
You shot my girlfriend and shot me in the head which made me lose my memory but ignore that fact at convenient moments like now when i notice that your character has been played by 3 different people who look nothing alike where the f*ck is the consistency arrrrrrrrrrrrgh!
(Flips the f*ck out)
narrator
Meanwhile in the future blown to sh*t setpiece hugh does what he does best which is STAB PEOPLE IN HIS SLEEP even though his claws were cut -off in the wolverine but thats not my business
ellen page
Yeoooooooooooow! Dude do you have something against women? You have done this to rogue, your jean knock-off wife and now me, thanks a lot now the tempo of the movie shall become more tense Right?
bryan singer
Really? Why
ellen page
Dude i just got stabbed don't they have their work cut out for them already like i don't know try to stop me from going into shock or losing so much blood or getting my wounds infected i should have passed the f*ck out by now right?
bryan singer
nope!scarlett johansson survived and coped with an untreated bullet wound and blood loss in winter soldier so i guess you can do it too #GirlPower
ellen page

narrator
Back to the past
Micheal grabs jennifer's gun and aims it at her surprise surprise
james mcavoy
Micheal? What are you doing? You see that's why i hate you and that's why you are the villain you are about to betray us and kill my sister
micheal fassbender
Well first of all,I have to kill her so they don't get her DNA and use it to enable the robot change into fire and ice like it did at the start of this film secondly we are all here to stop jennifer from starting world war X and i'm willing to soil my conscience as a sacrifice for the team besides i'm suprised, You still don't know how i am you witnessed me kill kevin bacon in the same way i'm also surprised ian didn't warn hugh of my impending/predictable betrayal he is me in the future right? you know you are looking more and more like the villain james who knows may be hollywood is experimenting on new type of villains
ian mackellen
Oh i almost forgot to tell you guys i had a thing for murder and betrayal in the 70s so i can't be trusted
Micheal fassbender
so lets see how do i kill you now?[s] perhaps i can metal bend a locket around and choke you to death[/s] or [s] i can use my bullsh*t magnetism to levitate you and toss you outta the window and perhaps into a river[/s] i will shoot you so your DNA shall spread all over the room
jennifer lawrence
What you wanna kill me? You can't kill me i thought we tastefully f*cked in xmen first class?
micheal fassbender
lady ever heard the line"i was so drunk i could take a wart hog home"? Why would any sane person be turned on by a blue scary creature with bumps?
jennifer lawrence
But i thought i was your love interest? Aren't you supposed to like love me
micheal fassbender
Love interest in a movie where a dude can move a submarine with his mind what do you think ?
jennifer lawrence
I think i should rip-off an anne hathway TDKR stunt and dive out the window
micheal fassbender
Not until i shoot you in the leg first
(He shoots jennifer in the leg just as she jumps out the window)
Nicholas Houlte
All this commotion is making me upset and you don't wanna see me upset now i shall turn into blue Incredible houlte and chase after micheal and jennifer for no reason
james mcavoy
And i shall stay back and wonder how carrying a team of mutants consisting of a sociopathic villain,a psychotic hobo and a dr jerkill/mr hyde wanna-be to hunt down a shape shifting assassin was a good idea
narrator
Out on the streets there is an incomprehensible CGI excuse for an action scene
micheal fassbender
hey everyone watch me joggle this french mimes coins while i tell him to GET A REAL JOB YOU BROKE B*TCH
jennifer lawrence
Hey boys watch me shape-shift my b*east size/shape check it out i got the
Scarlett johanssen- pimple size b*east
Beyonce- agbalumo seed b*east size
Lupita nyongo - banana b*east shape
Angelina jolie - beaver tail b*east shape
Cossy orjiakor - banky W head b*east size
nicholas houlte
roar! i mean blaaaaargh! I mean roarblaaargh okay guys i'm a bit confused should i be ripping off the hulks style of rampage or king-kongs style of rampage?
bryan singer
how about both? and throw in chewbecca just for fun
narrator
of course they are dumb enough to do this in front of like a billion french people who casually give a f*ck

french people
That's right we french people are very calm and organized people except when it comes to soccer that's when we lose our sh*t
nicholas houlte
stop screaming at the n*ked blue guy i'm sexy and i know it
narrator
after a few minutes the fight ends and now we watch a "guy" with a limp walk out of the scene
jennifer lawrence
tada! I'm the guy with limp even though i do this sh*t all the time, i never get tired and it never gets old
narrator
peter dinklage is at his evil lab experimenting on jennifers blood sample from her gun shot wound
peter dinklage
Muahahahahahahahah! now with this blood my jaegers sentinels can shape shift
audience
and how is that possible?
peter dinklage
Well that's easy:
12 g C 1 mol C
3.14 g CO2 -------- --------- = 0.0714 mol C
44 g CO2 12 g C

2 g H 1 mol H
1.29 g H2O -------- --------- = 0.143 mol H
18 g H2O 1 g H
Thus, mole ratio of C : H is 0.0714 : 0.143 = 1 : 2. Therefore, the empirical formula is CH2
Discussion:
The molecular formula for ethylene is C2H4 and cyclohexane is C6H12.
audience
fine don't tell us then
bryan singer
that's my boy hollywood RULE #1 don't ask don't tell
peter dinklage
So........council dudes i bet you want me to release my jaegerssentinels huh!
council dudes
Hell no!
peter dinklage
what? But what about how that assassin tried to kill me on live camera
council dudes
Oh that video we uploaded the video on europes most hilarious a*ss whoopings and got a million hits
peter dinklage
But what about the raucus they caused on the street?
council dudes
Oh yea that initially frightened us but have you seen the avengers? Apparently people love dangerous things they don't understand tearing down their surroundings we even plan on selling their merchandise check out this micheal fassbender meat tenderizer and this jennifer lawrence clay set and this nicholas houlte haloween mask pretty awesome yea?
peter dinklage
But the .................
council dude
For the last time we aren't gonna rip off pacific rim what kinda merchandise can we make from that? Good day
narrator
Back at the xmen house the cast are trying to find out what part of the movie is missing cause it is as good as ended but we still have over one hour left
nicholas houlte
Okay lets start from the top james mcavoy and micheal fassbender have patched things up check!hugh has accomplished his mission check! Micheal fassbender being an excellent tracker like he showed us in xmen first class will simply just find jennifer and finish her off and having a thing for prison will just end up there anyway check!,peter dinklage can't launch his sentinels check! So...............why are we still rolling?
bryan singer
Well we haven't seen james mcavoy get out of his boris yetsin funk and re-open his sch
nicholas hoult
Nah! That wouldn't fly
bryan singer
How about interfering in fassbender and lawrences cat and mouse game
nicholas hoult
Nah that's totally uncalled for
hugh jackman
How about we just we just do the whole save the world from jennifer sh*t again
bryan singer
hmm you know that's not a bad idea
nicholas hoult
Yeah a movie where both parts consists of the protagonists doing the same thing over again
hugh jackman
May be in an effort to do so james mcavoy can return to his wheel chair i heard he looks like a total joke in it
bryan singer
OMG what a genius
hugh jackman
Alright james time to stop taking the serum
james mcavoy
I can't do that the serum completely healed my spinal cord injury and if i stop taking the serum a stray bullet will automatically hit me in the back again and i don't wanna go back to creepy nicholas hoult giving me a sponge bath
hugh jackman
but you'll get to use your mind control powers
james mcavoy
Really?! Cool! The serum tastes like horse piss anyway
narrator
james stops the serum which automatically kills his spinal cord, his melancholia and turns him back into charles motherf*cking Xavier. till he reaches cerebro and starts whining like a b*tch again
james mcavoy
Damn man i thought the cerebro thingy was supposed to help me track mutants not screaming children i can't do this
hugh jackman
What about if you have a meaningless pep talk with your future self would that lift your spirit?
james mcavoy
I don't think that's a good idea especially when ellen said time travelling by 50 years will grind my brain into pulp remember?
bryan singer
can't you see we are trying to pull stories outta our a*sses?
hugh jackman
He's right james we are barely working with left-overs here let's just forget we ever said that
james mcavoy
Okay!@bryan singer what ever happened to you? You used to be a king when you directed usual suspects SMH
narrator
James travels to the future to talk to patrick stewart when they notice they don't look like each other
james mcavoy
i'm bald in the future?
patrick stewart
and i had a scottish accent in the past?
james mcavoy
Man! What kind of i*iots do they pick for casting directors these days why can't we just scrap that department and pocket the cash. Any way patrick i can't use cerebro anymore i need your help
To be continued.........

rokiatu: Toolz a virgin wonders should never end. Nicki minaj was right then when she said she was a virgin. Even I am a virgin we are waiting keep your virginity girls.

i believe her she's too fat and unattractive to be conji-worthy

Anytime i see this man dey do notice i dey always get reminder say "money hard to get" scary

Csami: Thought i told you thor was just awful. Maybe this year is marvel's era of torture(movie) production.

o yes now i remember you were trashing it on the captain america thread i was wondering how i got so curious about it
I just hope they have backup for when people get tired of these avenger spin-offs becos spiderman isn't doing well and punisher is too violent to bring back
This was how DC lost it in the 90s
Same mistakes. They keep creating characters no one can remember, if you ask me about thor that i just watched you'll be surprised when i tell you i can't remember a thing

I don't like vampire movies to even begin with, but for those puppy dog eyes i will watch and #SwingMiss a telmundo soap-opera

BTW i just saw thor dark world
Good lord its movies like these that make
Drive angry look like scar face. #Damn!

alutacontinua: Take all the above away from my diet and I have nothing left

wetin I go come dey chop

Garri is not on the list
you know what i'm saying?

one of my uncles wey dey beg us for money get this motor

ellen page
But guys fifty years is pretty long sending someone that far can.............
audience
Not be possibly done and perhaps patrick stewart should just influence the minds of the security council to elect aerial strikes on the sentinel command center so this torture of a movie can end and we can all go home ?
ellen page
i was gonna say sending someone that far can scramble their brain............. You know? it's gonna be your longest two hours yet so settle in or risk being the odd one out when everyone is talking about the movie
on monday
ian mckellen
Brain scrambled?Really? O i didn't think abt that
ellen page
Seriously? Did you guys even have a plan at all?
halle berry
or a script c'mon i've been in this for quite a bit and i haven't even made a sound
patrick stewart
all of you shut up i can't hear myself through all your thoughts. That's right i can hear your thoughts ellen page forget it chris nolan isn't gonna make an inception 2 he is too busy cooking up some bullsh*t excuse to bring aqua man outta DC's a*ss so you may end up like austin st john or ayana angel and go into p*rn to pay your mortgage, halleberry the answer to your thoughts is Yes your husband is unfaithful and i bet he is flirting with a paparrazzi right now who is taking photos of your kids, hugh yes you are getting old and yes marvel executives shall switch you for another "doomed to marvel" actor instead of letting the franchise die with you cos apparently greed is no longer a wall street thing alone and you are beginning to have a soccer mom's butt which brings me to ian the answer to your thought is yes hugh is the sexiest in the room so stop wondering what shape my butt will have if i wasn't on a wheel chair focus your sexual energy of hugh instead
hugh jackman
Say what? Wait a minute Don't worry patrick stewart I can time travel and rewrite history i guess my super healing abilities can stop my memory from getting damaged (even though i am still yet to recover from my adamantium bullet memory loss) besides i need to stab people i mean that's why anyone comes to see an xmen movie these days right?!
patrick stewart
Okay all in favour say aiye............... cool now hugh shall go back in time to warn ian and myself in 1973
ian mckellen
1973? You mean the same 1973 when i'm in prison , you are acting like a b*tch on menopause and neither of us knows where jennifer is? Why don't you just transport hugh to the time you guys were house mates?
ellen page
Or you could send him to the time young james mcavoy found young jennifer lawrence butt-n*ked in his kitchen( trust me its not as sexy as it sounds) where hugh can talk young james mcavoy into mind controlling jennifer to NOT murder the dinklage fellow
hugh jackman
Or you could just tell me what made you depressed and how you elated yourself before i leave
patrick stewart
@ hugh nah i can't do that i have to pay attention to hollywood's strict no leaking plot details till it is stale and unnecessary policy
Besides it's also important that we save Jennifer from the dark side
hugh and the x-men
Say what?
patrick stewart
*sigh* don't you people watch superhero movies anymore , according to batman and superman , once you murder somebody( even for a good cause) it ravages your soul, kills your conscience,sends you into a dark void that can only be filled with more dead bodies and automatically turn you into a no good scum. With no hope of restoration
ian mckellen/hugh jackman/scarlett johansson/calvin harris/arrow/samuel l jackson/robert downey jr
well...............f*ck you too patrick
patrick stewart
Oh that's right almost everyone here has killed a f*ckton of people well......... it's okay when dudes do it.
narrator
Hugh lies on his back while ellen lays her hands on his head and hugh begins to scream dramatically as usual
hugh jackman
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
ellen page
dude it's just speed and lights what's with the fake climax? You sound like a female p*rnstar right now
hugh jackman
You know i have no idea why they make us do that especially when you take into consideration how st*pid we look when we do it , perhaps hollywood should look into that detail
ellen page
Alright game faces people i shall now be transporting hugh fifty years back in time to rewrite history and hope no one notices i am twenty seven years old and the time alteration may likely affect my existence


narrator
its 1973 and marvel kills sometime by force feeding us some jennifer lawrence boring action scenes where she uses her boring shape shifting "gifts" to save the lives of some boring mutants no one gives two sh*ts about who go about getting odd jobs and being boring
Next hugh heads unto xavier school of the gifted with his pre-adamantium claws yep the disgusting the one
hugh jackman
Wait a minute i thought i came from the future how come i have bone claws?
bryan singer
Its 1973 you haven't undergone the adamantium experiment
hugh jackman
But my memory is still f*cked doesn't that happen after the adamantium surgery?
bryan singer
Here's the equation, bryan singer + marvel comics = reasoning is a mutual enemy. So in other words you have bone claws for no reason
narrator
nicholas hoult answers the door

hugh jackman
dude c'mon we are shooting a scene where is your cookie monster costume?
nicholas hoult
No i actually look human now, i was able to create a serum to supress my X-genes
audience
serum? Congratulations you have unlocked the new marvel comics lazy excuse
hugh jackman
you were still making mutant cure serums? What happened to you accepting the beast within what happened to "mutant and proud"
nicholas hoult
Oh yea about that well we are in a timeline defying xmen movie so we can do whatever we like just like you remembering your japanese friend from WWII and james mcavoy being able to walk
hugh jackman
say what?!
james mcavoy
(Staggering drunk)
Hic! Hello audience i can walk thanks hic! To the multi-purpose bullsh*t serum excuse marvel has hic! Been shoving in our face for like eternity hic! Now who the f*ck is this guy?
hugh jackman
What da? man isn't this a kiddy movie? hold back the curses man kids are watching
james mcavoy
Hic! Kids? Do those still exist? Hic! They say even worse things than we do on tv Come closer lemme tell you something a kid said(whispers in hugh's ear)
hugh jackman
Holy sh*t you mean a kid said that to you?
james mcavoy
See? Now you are cursing too
hugh jackman
Alright in order for this movie to have a pg rating let's cool it down on the curses the f*cks have to go but the sh*ts can stay deal?okay now. Down to business i'm from the future and i need your help you can read my thoughts to know that i am for real
james mcavoy
Oh i forgot to add that the bullsh*t serum that helps me walk conveniently stops me from having mind powers you see i had to choose between saving mutants and rose byrnes a*ss on a platter so i took the serum option cause rose byrnes a*ss was hard to pass by
hugh jackman
I assure you i'm from the future and to prove it [s]i shall tell you something personal like jennifer lawrence isn't your real sister[/s] or [s]about your gay-ish relationship with micheal fassbender[/s] em em em em bryan singer is the director of this film

james mcavoy
*Gasp* why didn't you say so now i believe you what do you need?
hugh jackman
We need to steal from the plot of RED so let's assemble a team and travel to france to convince jennifer lawrence not to kill peter dinklage so that the government won't get agitated and activate the sentinel programme fifty years from now
james mcavoy
Fifty years? If it will take that long why don't you just go home i bet the government officials will be dead by then?
hugh jackman
Nah! I would rather take the dumbest And most stressful option on the list so how can i get in touch with her
james mcavoy
Well if you watched xmen first class you would have noticed she kinda dumped me on the beach and we havent seen ever since however fassbender has been seeing her so perhaps he could be of use to us
nicholas hoult
Unfortunately Michael is being held in a metal free prison way more secured than the bullsh*t playground they put him in x 2 which ironically is in the future
hugh jackman
Okay then lets start assembling our team to burst out micheal fassbender using mutant powers then get cops on our a*sses and perhaps hasten the commissioning of the jaegersentinel programme when we can simply just visit and ask questions i mean you still have connections with the government from xmen first class right james?
james mcavoy
dude? Bryan singer, marvel greedy executives and timeline defying x men movie= f*ck storyline accuracy all in the name of making an extra buck now who can help us with this jail break?
hugh jackman
How about my friend evan peters aka quick silver we worked together sometime ago and i remember even though my story starts with me having amnesia
narrator
they visit evan peters
evan peters
Good day everyone welcome aboard the evan peters express i shall be your quick silver today before H.Y.D.R.A gives me an extreme make over and turn me into aaron taylor johnson in avengers 2
hugh jackman
avengers 2? Aren't you going to be like super old by then?
evan peters
Not according to hollywood scriptures chapter 5 section12.6 verse 6 where it states that character ages are total bullsh*t in these type of movies or else Gambit would be like seventy years old , Mystique would be like eighty years old and not that hot mid thirties chick from xmen 3, and of course the most confusing of them all ,miss Emma Frost who is a teenager in x-men origins but a super sexy blonde in xmen first class which is way back dated and the professor.............
hugh jackman
man! Shut up and let's go already

narrator
Marvel gives a giant f*ck you to the pentagon when they try to convince us that speed is enough to impersonate a well trained and armed guard( who is probably aware of mutants by now) pass through security checks ,key card recognition door ways and motion sensors to burst a prisoner out of america's most secured building
marvel
now let's just hope al-qaeda doesn't get any ideas
narrator
Evan peters stops at micheal fassbender's cage wearing a security uniform? Was that really necessary?
micheal fassbender
Oh guard! Will like to take a sh*t now what da son?
evans peter
Pman!
bryan singer
oh no! We shall be having non of that strict timeline destruction policy you boys are just perfect strangers today
narrator
Evan speeds micheal up to the pentagon prison kitchen , where they meet up with hugh, james, and nicholas who do not explain how they got access to the building because it's that kind of movie.

micheal fassbender
James is that you? Buddie you wanna tell me how i wound up in an american prison when i was last seen in cuba? Of which i teleported outta there BTW and what did i do that was so wrong that i am in super secured military prison for a super villain with super powers i tend to get captured alot
narrator
Soldiers break into the kitchen
soldier #1
Alright everyone put your hands behind your heads and hit the floor right now
soldier #2
Dude what are you doing? there aint no cameras around here so no need respecting human rights lets give them the middle eastern villagers treament
soldier #3
You mean replace their vital organs with punches and bullets then piss on their corpse?
soldier #1
Hmmm! Sounds good to me
narrator
As the soldiers fire at them within the fraction of a second evan peters is able to flick the bullets off course with his fingers kick the sh*t out of all the guards, take a dump while solving crossword puzzles wipe his arsse with the guards faces, whip up some snacks and take a nap
hugh jackman
Wow! What a useful member to our team i mean you can avert any danger before it even happens................now get lost cause that's the best thing to do
evan peters
Aii cool time to go have sex with the scarlett witch who isn't my sister in this movie right?
bryan singer
that's right knock yourself out buddie
To be continued......

Love no.9 no nagging out of shape wife and annoying children to make you suicidal and at the same time mommy has grandkids everybody wins

I got 1 security tip for you[b]don't go[/b]
Worked for me posted me to sokoto i just go sitdown for my haus till they pulled bayelsa outta their a*ss and posted me der

that is really really disgusting
Its not destiny jo na just longthroat and lack of discipline

narrator
The movie starts on a terminator blown to sh*t setpiece which james macvoy is having a problem with
james mcavoy
The future in 2023 the world now has
flying robots and space ships what's the deal man?
stan lee
oh i see you didn't mind when the prequel to this movie was based on a cuban missile crisis caused by a boring and vaguely written kevin bacon mutant but now i guess you are too good for marvel comic bullsh*t right?
james mcavoy
this is so wrong man it looks like a terminator movie setpiece
bryan singer
Fine make the robots bigger and call some kindergaten toddlers to barf crayon all over the setpiece
james mcavoy
Now it just looks like the setppiece for pacific rim
stan lee
(Scowls)
james mcavoy
*rolling eyes* alright fine it's fifty years after xmen first class in the year 2023 and there are new mutants oya newbies introduce yourself
narrator
The deadly jaegerssentinels fly around cause apparently in the future there is no need for smaller more powerful and undetectable drones you know like people do in real life
Meanwhile in a blown to sh*t setpiece
Mutant newbies introduce themselves as they kick jaeger sentinel butt like they are characters from a sega 16 bits video game
CHOOSE YOUR PLAYERS
shawn ashmore
I am ice man the cool one
daniel cudmore
I am colossus the hot one
elle page
I am kitty and don't ask me why a kiddy cartoon character has a str*pper name like that......... anyway i'm the forgettable one whose continous employment in hollywood remains one of life's greatest mysteries and here comes a couple of more bullsh*t characters
Bullsh*t character #1
I am portal cosplay you may know me as thunder bird but you know how marvel wraps up old gifts in new wrapping paper
audience
You mean like when tylor mane was sabre tooth in part one but turned out to be a clean shaved liev schreiber and hugh jackman's brother in xmen origins? Or when toad from xmen 1 turned into some hollywood extra in x men last stand that was foiled in the most ridiculous way ever seen on tv
loki
hey! I thought ridiculous was my turf?
bullsh*t character #1
@ audience that's right
bullsh*t character #2
My name is unknown and i am a johny storm pirated version
bullsh*t character #3
And i am major na by force? my super power is that my gun glows when i get energy Yea it's as hopeless as it sounds
omar sy
I'm Bishop, and my power is to look as scary as f*ck even when i'm the good guy
shawn ashmore
The jaegers Sentinels are melting my ice with fire powers? how is that even possible? What do these things run on? Ellen can't you just take an electrician with you into the robot to f*ck up it's circuit and wiring?
johny storm pirated
And it is freezing my flames when it can simply just step on all of us and call it a day
ellen page
(Flipping through script) wow! It's been only 10 minutes and we are already throwing. Consistency and realism out tha window? since when did i get time travelling abilities?
Anyway
narrator
They teleport to go meet with patrick stewart( Marvel you wanna explain how this dude is still alive), ian gay-a*ss mckellen, terribly aging halley berry, and hugh jackman at another blown to sh*t setpiece
patrick stewart
Wait wait wait ellen so you can teleport from one place to the other and your timing for these teleportations is wait till they've murdered the f*ck out of everyone before you do anything?
daniel craig from skyfall
I thought that was my thing?
ellen page
Professor, you're alive?! Didn't famke janssen like rip you to sh*t in xmen 3?
patrick stewart
Em............... Well you know how i just learnt how to time travel? Yea so i time travelled my a*ss to a stationery shop where i was put back together by lots of doc tape and .............well It was in the commentary of the f*cking DVD hello?
Audience
Yea sure! bury a major plot point in the extra features of the most hated film in the series good idea
ian mckellen
Alright settle in everyone let the movie begin i'm an old man and i've got to hit the rest room real quick
Jennifer Lawrence shot Peter Dinklage which made the world angry and initiated the jaegersentinel programme now you have to transport patrick stewart back to the 70s to stop it
Audience #1
Wow! That's it? That's the thin storyline we are going to use to tie the plot together with a storyline like this you don't have a plot but just setpieces and how come these robots just launched when in 2006 the x-men were already using it for training in the danger room? And what ever happened to the cure i mean it cured lots of folks
bryan singer
bryan singer is the director of this movie hello? You act like you don't remember what i did to superman returns let's just say when i was done it needed a reboot
Audience #2
bryan singer you know it's not too late to get a refund (walks out)
To be continued.........

1. Ben 10
2. Fantastic Four
3. Dora the explorer
4. NARUTO
5. Avatar korra especially season 1

chimajii: Lwkm...help urself out with the sausage on ur plate.....#bye

abeg nairalanders make una help am laugh

chimajii: made,such a #dummy!!......
S/N: u're jst crazy!! Cause any1 with brain will see you aren't thinking from your comment

ah ah bros e never reach that level na i'm just trying to make sense of what you are posting cos i don't want to believe that attention seekers are this childish and confused or is it that you had nothing valid to post but just felt like commenting anyway? C'mon help me out here

chimajii: U mad or nah? Not you exposing urself to even imagine urself eating a D.¡.c.k. #bye

Okkkkkkkkay! You know you make no sense right?

cirmuell: okay, here we go

Go where?
Don't get me wrong i do love the meal its just the sausage the baked beans, the omlette and the bread that i don't like everything else looks good

hate sausages looks like i'm eating a d*ck and i am terribly homophobic

lanaVello1: why cant nigerian govt take such drastic actions? enough of thr diplomacy already....and we really need to work hard on our anti-terrorism laws...these arrested boko suspects shud be prosecuted asap...their judgement shudnt be delayed else they break out again!

ose oya go tell jonathan
Shebi you sabi e house

milychocs: Hey, Two and a Half Men.....the one with Charlie Sheen is one of the best TV shows ever.
Awesome comedy
Are you sure you watch it?
Like, get seasons One to Eight or Nine and be knocked out

Like, who hates Two and a Half Men?
From, a baffled Nigerian lady

lady the show sucks, the jokes are lame and it's terribly overhyped

suwailad: These shows aint currently airing and please dont add those two i strike out. WHAT! the top rated shows ever. Guy go find a critic site for good review on Arrow and Devious maids man.

alright fine i shall categorize my list
The Really Boring Shows
1.Arrow: i don't get it this guys story is lost,iron man,batman,punisher,O.C and smallville combined but it still sucks i swear to God mute your T.V set and you'll think you are watching a comedy
2.Devious Maids: desperate house wives but about maids very meaningless and weak storyline
The Boring Shows No Longer Airing
1.Smallville: they kept pulling new stories out of their arsses till it lost its charm and intrigue and became a pain to watch
2.The O.C: i can't even remember jack-sh*t about this one all i remember was some kids always looking depressed with a bunch of other kids who suck at acting and rather than re-negotiating their star actresses contract they killed her off way to go guys
3.Fresh Prince Of Bel-Air: My God i've never seen a comedy show where i frown all through and believe me i'm not that hard to please the jokes suck and will smith keeps over-acting
4. Vampire Diaries: today na casket them dey fear, tomorrow na tree dem dey fear next tomorrow witch go enter equation that's vampire diaries for you o its even more boring than buffy the vampire slayer
Boring Shows Still Running
1. 2 1/2 men: two words overhyped and boring
2. Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D: obviously an experiment to see if marvel can make an extra buck on the side and it's so glaring there are some episodes that end with this look on your face
3.Reality tv: not really reality when a camera crew follows you around town so we are actually supposed to believe those "conflicts and tension" they keep putting on screen are real? Hehehe
4.Korean and telemundo series: centralized storyline,actors and actresses that look exactly alike that you can't even tell which show is which and how about their mouth missing road? damn! I'm better off reading subtitles
5. Haves and have nots: too forgettable too typical we've seen that whole tyler perry i'm suffering but i shall over come bullsh*t he does it all the time

is that better my lady?

1.Arrow
2.Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D
3.All Reality shows(excluding the apprentice)
4.Haves and have nots
5. Devious maids
6. All Korean and telemundo series
7.Smallville
8.The O.C
9.Fresh prince of bel-air
10.Two and a half men

of course they need bodyguards for swag purposes

jayseehe: I have seen this before... it has been on front page before...

what kind of footwear did Miss Holland wear

them call am akpola ur mama no rock that shoe when you small?